


Defiance’s Anthem (Short Hiatus. Coming Soon)

by Aristotle_410



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Boy Kim Mingyu, Bookworm Jeon Wonwoo, Bullying, Cliche but serious, Denial of Feelings, Did I mention MPREG?, Fluff and Smut, Footballer Kim Mingyu, Frisky scenes but I can't call them smut???, M/M, Mingyu can be a jerk, Mingyu is an alpha boss, Mingyu is whipped, Mpreg, Possessive Mingyu, Shameful smut, Slow Burn, Tsundere Wonwoo, Wonwoo can be a bitch but he's nice, Wonwoo goes through a lot of shit, alternate version with adoption, protective mingyu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 38
Words: 300,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23619847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aristotle_410/pseuds/Aristotle_410
Summary: Wonwoo is into philosophy and Mingyu is into Wonwoo.Note: I believe these first chapters were really cringe and poorly written but I'm so busy I haven't edited them yet. But I hope you like the rest of it : )
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 493
Kudos: 156





	1. Poetics

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is my first fanfic. Lol these first chapters might be stupid but it gets better later on I promise 🤗

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!!!!!!: Please do not take seriously these first few chapters. I am so ashamed of them because my writing is so crappy and cringey like it's from elementary school. My later chapters are better but I am so busy to go back and edit these in time. Sorry again for these first few chapters. Please don't let them ruin your perception of the whole story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!!!!!!: Please do not take seriously these first few chapters. I am so ashamed of them because my writing is so crappy and cringey like it's from elementary school. My later chapters are better but I am so busy to go back and edit these in time. Sorry again for these first few chapters. Please don't let them ruin your perception of the whole story.
> 
> Wonwoo is super melodramatic but omg who does not like melodrama? I can’t write naturalistic literature bc I’m already living it. LMAO. 
> 
> Oh and “literature”, yeah I was a little arrogant when I said I write “literature” HAHA.

KIM MINGYU exhaled lowly, catching his breath as he clenched his fists. He had just completed sprinting forty yards against another tryout attendee. The sweat on his exposed arms and shoulders granted him the image of a gleaming adonis, tan in the sunset. Mingyu defeated his competition, of course. He was the strongest and fastest player at his high school. But he had never considered pursuing a career in football, or even making a name for himself in the field that he stood in. Thus, he never took the opportunity upon himself for a scholarship. Now, he would just have to compensate as a walk-on recruit.

Mingyu refrained from smirking at the other men who almost broke after finding just how far they could stretch and how much weight they could handle in the strength tests. Reflecting on himself, there was no doubt that he would be recruited as he was just that exceptional.

“Hey! Tall kid!” a raspy voice called from across the field. In response, he walked rhythmically towards the man with the clipboard who summoned him, coming face to face with a short and stubby figure. “Well whatta ya know? It seems that it’s your lucky day. Out of hundreds of kids, you’re on the team. Welcome to the Jaguars. All we knew is that this tall kid had scored perfectly on all the tests, but we messed up your name.”

He smiled to himself, proud of his accomplishment. He was nowhere being modest or restrained. It was neither luck or any one’s will which had allowed him a spot on the team, and he would make it known. He would become so godly as to be ungodly. He did not need to know what women wanted, or what anyone sought from him. For he knew what he wanted and conventional politeness would not stop him. He turned his head towards the man as he regained his breath. He stood steadily, pushing off from his knees as he looked down at the man.

“Mingyu sir. Kim Mingyu.”

~ II ~

Wen Junhui, driving his Toyota Prius, arrived just short of the entrance doors at the base of Wonwoo’s building. The latter walked through the golden rimmed doors and onto the pavement which led to the car. He did not bother to wave as he fell into the plush cushion of the passenger seat. Jun in return hadn’t spared him a glance as he drove off, his brown hair partially covering his eyes from Wonwoo’s scrutinizing glare.

“I can’t even feel the air from the heater and it’s on full blast, but I can feel your eyes burning into me. Are you that anxious about our first day?” Jun asked, brushing a piece of his hair to the side. Wonwoo snorted, slapping Jun’s shoulder causing him to swerve close to the lane beside them. After only knowing each other for about a year now, the other man knew everything about him, as much as Wonwoo knew about himself.

“Stay inside the lines Wen or else people are going to think you’re drunk. And it’s the taxis that will chase you down Fifth Avenue, not the police.”

“Well if they do, I’ll just surrender you to them so they can spare me and ransom you back to your dad.” Jun replied.

“Anything that would stop me from getting to school.”

“Sucks to be you.” Jun chuckled as Wonwoo raised his fist. The former flinched, earning Wonwoo the last laugh. He regained his composure, fixing the ruffles in his coat as the towering structure of their college grew larger.

Jun had bought a parking pass, making their trek towards the entrance shorter. Although early, they did not hesitate to split up and go to their respective classes, just to get acquainted with the room before other students arrived.

“What’s your first class again? Sorry, I just saw a cute guy walk in the same direction I’m going.” Jun asked, a cheeky grin spreading across his face.

“Keep it in your pants until marriage. And I told you, it’s history. That’s why I’ve been so on edge, I’m concerned that my favorite class will be ruined if I get a bad professor.” Wonwoo explained, his face morphing into a fabricated and playful pout.

“Who knows, maybe they’ll be some lookers in that class. Besides, can’t your dad just get the professor fired?” Jun asked.

“No of course not, who do you think he is? The chairman of the PTO?” Wonwoo said, not even rolling his eyes or gesturing dramatically to express how unimpressed he was with his friend.

“Well, just tell me how it goes. And try not to have too many guys fall for you on the first day. People are here to learn you know.” Jun smiled deviously.

“But I’m not just here to learn, that would be so simple and boring. I’m here to find someone who is worth paying attention to.” Wonwoo said, turning on the balls of his feet. His eyes narrowed sharply, glimmering boldly. His thin and lean frame strode calculatingly like a cat as he reached the doorway of his class down the hall.

It was somewhat dreadful. The idea that his love life could become even more dull and disparaged caused his shoulders to become more tense. The prospect that he would discover what he had hoped to accidentally find threatened to prompt him to become even more hyperaware. It was as if Wonwoo were on the tip of his toes just waiting to receive the kiss that could ruin him, and he could not stand around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting through this chapter. Hope u didn’t cringe too hard lmao. It’s get better 😭. 
> 
> Also check out my other fanfics so I can redeem myself 😭🤣. 
> 
> The Pragmatic Sanction - ABO high school au 
> 
> Tea for Two and Two for Tea - ABO jazz singer Wonwoo 
> 
> Ship of Fools - ABO/Historical au 
> 
> All my Children - ABO Meanie domestic fluff 
> 
> Jeon’s Revenge - Meanie Star Wars au


	2. Poetics: Dianoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting between Wonwoo and Mingyu allows the former to put a face on his dreams and desires. It may seem as though Wonwoo is unaware of the trouble it could entail, he knows perfectly well the consequences. Perhaps Wonwoo just wants to enjoy the ride, even if the Devil is on his doorstep.

Wonwoo’s classroom boasted large windows on the eastern side as if they had been transported from the palace of Versailles. Wonwoo was fortunate to have arrived early since he was able to take the seat penultimate to the window in order to bask in the morning sunlight. He noticed a notebook and opened the laptop next to him, but paid no mind to it. 

The class was arranged like an amphitheater, with the professor's quaint and simple wooden desk situated at the base of the steps. A green chalkboard lined the front of the classroom while a white brick-like material remained barren on the western side.

Wonwoo glanced subtly but incautiously around him, surveying the room for his fellow classmates. Some made eye contact with him, looking back down and fiddling with their fingers, a behavior he understood since he possessed a frightening aura. 

He saw a man shorter than him and walking down the aisle towards him. Wonwoo continued to coldly observe him as the other smiled, undeterred. 

“Hey. My stuff is right next to you sorry.” the boy said, sliding behind his seat to get to the one he had marked with his things. 

“Don’t worry, I kept guard over it for you.” Wonwoo said, watching intently as the man shuffled his possessions around. “What’s your name?” Wonwoo asked, his lips curling as he spun his pencil. His eyes were covered by his eyelashes, disguising their conflicted nature. The man looked down upon him as if he were already charmed by his coyness. Wonwoo’s voice held precision and firmness, but there was an element of softness to it. His tone was deep. 

“Choi Seungcheol, S.Coups for short. And thanks by the way, but I doubt anyone has the guts in this school to do anything cool.” he snorted.

“Stealing is cool?” Wonwoo inquired, raising his perfectly trimmed brows all the while maintaining a composed expression.

“Only when it comes to other people’s hearts.” he winked, but Wonwoo showed no sign of discoloration. He had been friends with Jun for four years after all. “No, I’m just kidding. I’m not really here to learn per se in the academic field. I just want to enjoy the college experience.” S.Coups shrugged, leaning back on his chair. 

“By the expense of your parent’s bank account? Don’t you ever feel some sort of reproach?” Wonwoo asked, leaning his chin on his knuckle. His eyes flickered towards the other man’s face, searching for any sense of sincerity.

“Maybe if I haven’t gotten smashed enough.” the other laughed, and Wonwoo broke out in a grin. 

“To each his own I suppose. But that must mean you are here on a sport’s scholarship, you know since you said that academia wasn’t really your thing. Judging from your appearance, you must be on the football team.” Wonwoo said, although he did not mean to extend himself in such a manner.

“Alright smarty, I’m beginning to think you might be the only one here who actually got into this school without having their parents pay their way in. I’ll say you’re right on your assumption, but assumptions can be dangerous when they involve men like me” S.Coups replied, pointing at himself with his thumb, there was a glint of playfulness in his eyes.

“I know you said I’m smart but I’m also honest. What do you mean by that? I take it you don’t really swing my way do you.” Wonwoo snickered. 

“I’ll just tell you that I got eyes for someone else. In other words, I’m technically taken. When I said I wanted to enjoy the college experience, I meant to include friendships. They are totally welcome don’t get me wrong.” S.Coups smiled. “But uh, my friend over there is open to anything. You see, he’s single if I may add.” he added, winking again. 

“Don’t assume things about me either.” Wonwoo told him bluntly. “But thank you for the tip. I’ll have you know that I don’t regard human beings as interchangeable parts in an assembly line of love interests. I’m not the type that tries on a shoe just to see if it fits. I’ll put all my faith into one human being, even if it will be the death of me.” he added, turning to look at the oncoming stranger. 

This boy was taller than S.Coups, towering over six feet, lean but muscled. Wonwoo scoffed at his short sleeves considering that winter was approaching. But he couldn’t help to admire his biceps. The tall figure sported a dark brown and messy -but not disheveled- bowl cut, with clumps of hair hanging just slightly over his tan forehead. His jawline descended sharply, converging at his angular chin. Wonwoo noticed the faintest hint of stubble around his mouth, that would have taken a microscope to see if Wonwoo did not have sharp eyes. It was only a shade darker than his golden skin. For a moment, the boy’s eyes had burned with intensity as they made contact with Wonwoo’s cold ones, which seemed to invite the other’s gaze. 

Wonwoo observed the boy slightly turn his head to look at S.Coups whom he deduced to be his friend. Although the boy seemed to have conveyed his confusion to his friend as to why the seat he intended to save for him had been taken, his expression changed, embracing those eyes that met his. 

“Hey is it alright if I sit here.” the boy asked, dismissing S.Coups who abstained from introducing his friend to Wonwoo. S.Coups had been considerate in letting his friend do all the talking. It was second nature for him.

“Of course, sorry, did I take your seat?” Wonwoo asked, eyes trailing the ones settled on his form more comfortably than the boy himself had gotten settled in his seat. 

“No, it’s totally fine. I’m Mingyu by the way. Mingyu for short.” the boy said, baring his canines. The action caused Wonwoo’s eyes to jump back and forth as he felt the amiability emanating from Mingyu’s gaze. 

“I’m Wonwoo, nice to meet you. You’re S.Coup’s friend?” he said, extending his hand towards Mingyu who was facing him. Wonwoo internally gasped by the spark produced by the contact between their hands, which noticeable differed in size. The taller's hand encompassed his knuckles, almost reaching his wrist. Wonwoo wouldn't say that he had a thing for size, but he appreciated how Mingyu's hand held his with the gentleness of a beast. 

S.Coups peered around Wonwoo’s figure, watching their interaction with sly interest.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Mingyu grinned. 

“Hey, if it weren’t for me, Mingyu would have never decided to try out for the football team. I’m the kinda guy who inspires my friends to move.” S.Coups boasted.

“Oh, so you’re like the Unmoved Mover?” Wonwoo chuckled.

“Huh?”

“Philosophy reference.” Wonwoo shot down, disappointed, although what could he expect?

“Oh, you like philo-sa-fa...” Mingyu began but Wonwoo interjected.

“Philosophy, yes. It’s one of my majors and it’s what I’m most interested in. The other one is computer information systems, but I couldn’t spare the enthusiasm for it. Although, both delve into logic which is useful. But that’s all I can say.” Wonwoo explained, amused by the other never having heard of the subject before. “I take it you’re here on a sport’s scholarship as well? When you walked in it seemed like you weren’t very fond of being here.” he added.

“Yeah.” Mingyu breathed, scratching the back of his neck. “I just got left tackle on the football team. Coach says if I play on the field as I did at tryouts, he’ll bump me up to quarterback on the active roster.” he beamed, puffing out his chest.

“I’m more of a left tackle person than Mingyu is, he’s more of a quarterback since he has a better advantage of catching the ball. But we’ll just have to see.” S.Coups explained. 

“Other than that, education doesn’t really suit me. I’m more of an outdoors person.” Mingyu said without shame. Wonwoo took a liking for his unabashed honesty. “And I know I’m good looking, so I don’t need to get smart for the appeal. If you catch my drift.” 

Wonwoo smiled knowingly, wondering if he had caught something else from the man in front of him. “Sure.” he teased.

“Catch me out on the field then.” Mingyu replied, although the statement was more like an offer. 

“I regret to tell you that I’d be too busy studying. Perhaps both of you should take advantage of the education you could be getting.” Wonwoo advised although it came across as motherly. 

“I came to this place to get away from my mom, so no thanks.” Mingyu said, poking Wonwoo’s bony shoulder. The black turtleneck sweater that he was wearing made his figure even more enticing. But he pledged to himself that modesty was the best policy. Mingyu, on the other hand, looked as though he wanted to unravel the neck of it and get to the milky white flesh underneath the fabric. That is if he could take his focus off Wonwoo’s tantalizing lips. 

“But that’s really something. Taking a double major in a place like this? I have to hand it to you, not many people impress me.” Mingyu smirked, his expression becoming fond as Wonwoo made himself smaller, something he had longed to do. It was as the air of Mingyu’s presence had made Wonwoo heed to him, enough to indicate that Mingyu was in control. 

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Wonwoo challenged, raising his chin and gulping. He internally dared Mingyu to move his face closer, but he would never desanctify a place of learning with displays of affection, never mind S.Coups’s eyes. 

“Quit flirting you two, the professor is here.” S.Coups scolded. Mingyu glared at his friend before turning to face the front of the class. 

“Forget about him. I think it would have been better if you got here a little later so you wouldn’t have to sit next to that guy.” Mingyu smiled, scanning Wonwoo’s sharp countenance and high cheekbones one last time. 

“I think it’s a good thing that I’m between you guys. I don’t want you guys getting expelled on the first day.” Wonwoo said, dismissing S.Coups’s comment. A part of him gushed at the fact that Mingyu didn’t seem to have a problem with his friend’s remark. However, he wouldn’t take the fact as an affirmation to chase after Mingyu since it would go against his rational nature. But the other man’s stare encouraged the most primordial and subconscious desires to surface. 

He lacked insight into Mingyu’s personality, but there was something about the latter’s face that threatened to ensconce him. Wonwoo realized that he had been playing with fire during his conversation with Mingyu. But the thought came to him that, without fire, there would be no light. 

Wonwoo gulped, watching the professor indifferently as he wondered just how he could survive college with a man named Mingyu sat next to him. He could already imagine the other man's arms wrapped around his small torso, hard enough to leave bruises that would engrain the feeling of his touch on his body. Wonwoo may have admitted that he enjoyed being tempted. He would never accept reality without a struggle.


	3. Diotima's Ladder of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tone of the story becomes more serious as the story progresses of course. Someone has a liking for Wonwoo and it's not just Mingyu! I plan to explore Wonwoo's childhood which holds a part of the key as to why his morality could threaten his potential relationship he could have with Mingyu. There will be plenty of events that will help kindle Wonwoo and Mingyu's relationship as well as events that could break them, aka drama! PS this is only half of what I plan to write so stay tuned!

Lunch had arrived at noon between Wonwoo’s morning and afternoon classes. He and Mingyu had agreed to meet for the short while they had together. Wonwoo was somewhat grateful that he had at least one class with the other student: history. But the prospect of being close to the man’s broad shoulders which could protect him, and having those boundless hands in reach of his, brought him more towards hell than up Mount Olivet. Wonwoo became wary of worshipping any form of being other than the actually divine, careful as to not subscribe to idolatry by getting on his knees for another man. 

Perhaps the bigger challenge was getting to know Mingyu without coming off as “thirsty”. Although his desires were more tempered than those of his contemporaries. While other students simply wanted to get in another's pants, Wonwoo would preserve himself, abstaining from that kind of ”intimacy.” He figured it would be the largest compliment he could deliver to his beloved by saving himself. Not only would Wonwoo save himself, but he would also put all his faith in a relationship that he truly valued. If these terms we're not upheld by the other party, or if the other party hesitated to accept them, Wonwoo would know that they had failed the test. Thus, before Wonwoo could invest his attention in a man he hardly knew, he would need to find out just how worthy he was. And if Mingyu did not pass this test, even his good looks could not save him. 

A content smile broke out from the parting of his lips as he saw Mingyu sat at one of the benches in the quad. It seemed most appropriate if he could find out the scope of Mingyu’s interest towards him. After all, Wonwoo wasn't going to make a fool of himself by stating something under the assumption that Mingyu had a thing for him. 

Mingyu was sitting on the side of the bench facing him and Jun, and as Wonwoo lowered himself onto the seat across from Mingyu, he felt compelled to sit in the man's lap. Mingyu's jeans and his loosely buttoned-up shirt were beckoning him to come closer, all the while Mingyu raked his hand through his hair and stared at Wonwoo intrigued. He thought Mingyu’s appearance would look complete with sunglasses. 

”This is my friend Junhui. Sorry for not telling you earlier, but he doesn’t have any friends to sit with besides me. Once you get to know him you’ll know why.” Wonwoo said, hitting his knees and emitting a broken laugh. Mingyu bore his canines once again as he released a “hmmpf.” which seemed to tranquilize Wonwoo. The taller man stood up but made no move to step to the side to get closer to Jun to shake his hand, letting his perfectly sculpted face fall into Wonwoo’s personal space. Wonwoo could see the little mole on the lower corner of the other man’s cheek, feeling as though Mingyu’s face was buried in his neck just by how close he was. 

Jun glared at Wonwoo before shaking Mingyu’s hand as well and the two settled into their seats. “Watch out for Wonwoo, he has sort of a sense of humor that hurts more than your funny bone.” Jun said, clutching his heart while Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “I thought since he met you that you would be his next victim and I could be spared from being a punching bag of insults.” Jun added.

“He could be.” Wonwoo smiled coyly, only briefly meeting Mingyu’s eyes, his eyelashes fluttering down towards the food he was playing with. 

“I wouldn’t mind.” Mingyu replied, looking at Jun as he nodded his chin towards Wonwoo. “But first things first, before I meet any of your other friends, there needs to be a line of communication between us that isn’t the daggers that you throw at me with your eyes in class.” Mingyu chuckled. 

“You better not be insolent.” Wonwoo warned playfully. “I hope you aren’t as rude in your texts as you are in public.” he scoffed, handing his phone to the taller.

“I doubt it. By the way, he didn’t even subtly and ingeniously ask for my number! You blew our potential friendship man.” Jun whined. 

“Oh hush up. Mingyu has a lot more important things to do.” Wonwoo said.

“Like ogling you.” Jun said, which was followed by a loud slap and an “Ow!” 

“I’ll just pretend I wasn’t here.” Mingyu sighed, although he couldn't help the smile that formed.

“Jun, I’m warning you.” Wonwoo began. “If I’m bad right now, wait until you see when I’m flustered.” he said, swiftly going back to his business eating. 

“Maybe Jun isn’t the one you should worry about.” Mingyu said, fingers wrapping around Wonwoo’s slender wrist as he grinned cheekily. There wasn’t anything sinister about Mingyu of course, as if he had been flirting with Wonwoo in a nightclub. Rather, it seemed more like a schoolyard romance, at least, according to Jun. 

“Oh please. Like you could make even an old lady blush.” Wonwoo teased. 

“Are you doubting my abilities?” Mingyu asked.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Wonwoo laughed. “Save it for those stupid games they play at frat parties. Perhaps then those girls would be drunk enough to like you.” 

“Oooooo.” Jun seethed as if Wonwoo had ripped off a bandaid.  
“Not to downplay a woman’s beauty, but why would you assume that I’m into girls?” Mingyu asked slyly. 

“Because if you were into other men, you’d keep your distance, especially knowing me. I haven’t met a lot of men such as myself who could really, let’s say, keep up. They could much less survive a day with me. And you seem to be more friendly with me than all over me that I assumed you were straight. I have to hand it to you, you were careful enough not to bite.” 

“I think you need to be careful regarding who you think about.” Mingyu said, his tone sincere.

“That is if anyone warrants my attention.” Wonwoo replied. “Consider that a compliment.” He was internally flabbergasted that Mingyu of all things, a boy who looked as though he hit his head too many times playing high school football, was sharing a piece of wisdom. Of course, it wasn’t really much in-depth or articulated as the words he had read in books, but he found Mingyu’s words the only thing he enjoyed listening to, and the only thing that he would respect. He would drop anything just to see those eyes again, full of genuineness. Wonwoo had his head stuck in the clouds looking towards heaven, while the down to earth voice of Mingyu brought him back to reality. Although this time it seemed as though reality were not as horrible as it seemed, so long as Mingyu could keep him company. 

“I will. For my sake.” the taller chuckled, remembering to put his information into Wonwoo’s phone. “Jun, let me add you to my contacts.” he said, earning him a squeal from the other brown-haired boy.

Wonwoo watched with the effort of someone scrutinizing as Mingyu tapped his fingers on Jun’s phone, yet his eyes held adoration for the thing that perpetuated his self-loathing. Interrupting his watchful gaze, S.Coups plopped down on the seat next to Mingyu, acknowledging Wonwoo curiously and shaking Jun’s hands. In the moment after, while S.Coups and Mingyu exchanged blows to each other's shoulders as they fought over the daily minutia of things, a boy slid into the space next to Jun with enough stealth not to draw attention from anyone but Wonwoo. The new student’s litheness rivaled that of Wonwoo’s. Except, his skin was darker and his expression was warm and soft, and his cheeks bore a little more weight. 

“Guys this is Minghao, my new best friend.” Jun butted in, his arm wrapping around the shoulder of the other boy. Being the scamp that he was, Jun’s fingers brushed against the locks of hair protruding down the back of Minghao’s neck. The boy appeared undisturbed, maintaining a polite and gracious expression as he eagerly shook the other’s hands. 

“We were just talking about S.Coup’s love interest.” Mingyu laughed, causing Wonwoo to shift his glimmering eyes away from Jun’s new future accomplice. “He likes mature guys.” he snickered.

“Shut up. We are in the same year!” S.Coups said, raising his hands as if he had been caught by the police. 

“Ooooo.” Jun’s voice rang out again, and this time it was Minghao who had smacked him. 

“I’m beginning to like Minghao already.” Wonwoo smiled lightly.

They proceeded to get acquainted with one another. S.Coups kept a calm but amicable smile as Mingyu and Jun would laugh boisterously in frequent bursts. Minghao had nudged Jun off the bench to sit next to Wonwoo. Wonwoo remembered that Minghao had told them that he liked all subjects in school, so he went down the line with the other, venting and speculating about their classes and teachers. 

As they chatted, S.Coups spotted a bob of bleach hair, luring his eyes with its Boston-cream color. It was as though he had seen a ghost rather than an angel, and leaped after the figure which had disappeared through the entrance of the library. 

“Someone’s lucky to have caught S.Coups eye.” Mingyu said, causing everyone to look in the direction he had run off to.

“I don’t think their bed’s gonna be lucky!” Jun added, although this time Minghao and Wonwoo shook their heads. 

“Hey Jun, the cruise ship comedian called. He wants his jokes back.” Mingyu giggled, whipping his head to get Wonwoo’s reaction. 

“He’s coming out, I can see him.” Minghao said in a loud whisper. 

“Oh, so that’s the guy. He’s got a pretty face, but he looks too pure for my liking.” Jun commented. Minghao’s face morphed into an expression of disgust, however, at the same time, he wiped an imaginary drop of sweat from his forehead, breathing in a sigh of relief.

“Yo dimwit, that’s my classmate, Jeonghan!” Mingyu said, although a little too loudly, causing S.Coups and the angelic manifestation to turn their heads like two rabbits spotting hunters. 

Before Mingyu could turn his head to follow where the couple had gone off to, a group of boys approached their table. Upon sensing their presence, it looked as though Mingyu was familiar with them, offering a smile.

“Mingyu, I know you were exceptional at tryouts, the first-ever walk-on that actually beat one of our players' standing scores, I just wanted to see if you were ready for our first game. You know it’s Saturday, right dude?” the boy at the front said. 

“Don’t worry about me guys. I’d be more concerned about getting in my way when I go in for the ball.” Mingyu smirked.

“Ehh a little cocky are we? Remember your the tackler. We don't need any collateral damage.” the other laughed. “Or anyone holding us down.”  
,  
As the group walked away, the one who had initiated the conversation with Mingyu spared a glance at Wonwoo. Yet it was not a look that someone granted by instinct or when they were curious, it was a look that invited mischief. 

“You’re gonna come right?” Mingyu asked earnestly, arching his lips into a pout. He may as well have wagged his tail Wonwoo thought. The latter was surprised that Mingyu had asked him, it was an honor. He could not stop it from coming to him, however, which was the suggestion that Mingyu merely wanted to assemble a cheer squad, for the newly recruited player. Although if Mingyu’s skills - as much as they had been revered, were sufficient enough to earn him fans, he couldn’t imagine how large of a following he would get from his looks. 

“Perhaps when I’m sure I have studied enough for that test I have in math. You know I told you about how nasty that professor was.” Wonwoo began, but Mingyu only sunk lower in his seat. “Kidding!” Wonwoo laughed, bringing his hand to cover his mouth as he laughed, unaware of how much he was enchanting the man across from him, motivating him more and more to impress Wonwoo at the football game.

“Good, that’s what I hope to hear.” Mingyu said, closing his mouth which had parted from being in a daze. He made sure no drool had fallen onto the table. 

“I hope those guys aren’t your new best friends though.” Wonwoo said. “There’s just something about them. Or shall I say the person who spoke to you. Yes, I thought I could smell something funny about him, if you know what I mean.” he added bluntly. Wonwoo’s expression had grown sour.

“Nah, they are just my pals from the team. No need to get all motherly on me. Once again.” Mingyu said, stretching his arms so that he may or may not have flexed his chest muscles. 

“Whatever you say. I’m sure if I put a leash on you I would be the one being dragged around.” Wonwoo chuckled. 

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want to be in my company most of the time.” the taller smiled. 

“I’m more of an introvert. But I wouldn’t mind.” Wonwoo said softly. “What’s your next class by the way, I forgot to ask.”

“Science, you?”

“Calculus.”

“What about your last one?” 

“Photography.”

“And I was beginning to think my day would be boring.” Wonwoo said. “I have the same class, although I can’t say I signed up for it. I’d rather admire art than create it. I don’t know if I could even call it art.” 

“Hey, don’t say that about one of my favorite subjects!” Mingyu shouted, slamming his fists on the bench. He recoiled, flustered as everyone looked at them. “To each his own I suppose.” he grinned evilly. 

“If you steal words like those from another person, I wonder how you would fare on a plagiarism test.” Wonwoo sighed. “Minutes ago you railed against Jun for failing to be funny. I’m not sure if I want to be in the company of a hypocrite anymore.” he smirked.

“Okay okay, I’m stupid boy. Forgive me?” Mingyu frowned, taking Wonnwoo’s hands in his, clasping them together on the table. Although it appeared to be pure mockery, Wonwoo had never seen such a captivating face, where glorious rays of sunlight emanated from.

“Anything that would get you to let go of me.” he seethed, although he whacked Mingyu playfully. Although his attitude was the opposite, he could only die to feel that warmth again. “I meant to ask you. What’s your other favorite subject?” 

“Why anything to do with business, of course, I can’t say I was excellent in my management class, but I got a hell of a charm.” Mingyu winked. His canines shined.

“Really, you should try harder. I don’t think I ever saw it work.” the shorter said, earning an unamused expression from the man across from him.

“How do you think all my lady professors love me? And it’s the first day?” Mingyu said, clicking his tongue and holding up guns. 

“Ohhhh how sinful of you.” Wonwoo exhaled, “I know you wouldn’t.” smiling knowingly.

“Yeah, you’re right of course. Not to brag though, but I’ve taken entrepreneurship, management, and marketing. So you see I’m well rounded.” 

“You must have wanted a career in business then? Why football?” Wonwoo prodded.

“I didn’t think I really had that much potential in business. I mean, I’m good at football, and I know a lot of people are good, but I’m the kind of good that could earn me a profit.” Mingyu affirmed. 

“Mingyuuuu.” a high-pitched and sing-song voice called, and this time it was Wonwoo who spun his head around, slowly, irked by the intrusion. A group of girls had strolled by, sashaying their slim waists and making sure to take long strides as to show off their flawless legs.

“Can't wait for Saturday.” another one said, her palm fluttered as she waved to Mingyu.

“Aye, see you guys Saturday.” he replied, much to the displeasure of Wonwoo. The girls must have gotten acquainted with Mingyu in one of his previous classes.

“I didn’t think you would need to call your friends to come by like the sidewalk is a fashion runway just to prove how popular you are Mingyu.” Wonwoo said, enjoying how the man’s name sounded in his mouth. “I should know, my father is a designer.” 

“Wait, seriously? I’m beginning to think you paid your way in to here. Hmmm.” Mingyu said, rubbing his chin.

“No, don’t assume such things. You know friendship is based on trust and faith. The whole cliche about the goodness in human beings.” Wonwoo smiled, although he didn’t believe the last part was true in the sense that human beings were inherently good.  
“And it’s based on honesty.” Mingyu huffed as Wonwoo rolled his eyes again.

“My whole life has involved fashion really. My father founded and runs Jeon Rodolfo. Only the tasteless haven’t heard of it.” Wonwoo said, waving his arm in a dismissive gesture. “Which reminds me, I could persuade my father to get you a job.” 

“Persuade maybe.” Mingyu said, crossing his arms. “That’s a really generous offer and I’m thankful, but I wanna get a career because I’m good at it.”

“Oh don’t put yourself down, it’s so unattractive.” Wonwoo laughed as Mingyu raised his brow.

“What makes you think I’d be a good businessman?” the taller asked. Wonwoo scoffed.

“I’m beginning to think that you simply want me to tell you how amazing you are.” 

“That wasn’t the premise of my question but I wouldn't mind.” the other smirked, daring Wonwoo to go forward.

“Well firstly, I would be lying If I said you wouldn’t look dapper in a suit, and with your hair slicked back.” Wonwoo giggled, although a little bit sadistically. Mingyu gave him an unimpressed look. “And you already have a record of business education. I think you are more than a promising candidate.” Wonwoo finished just as he glanced at his watch.

“Alright, I’ll text you more about my career prospects later. Anyone who offers me a job is a friend for life!” Mingyu said. 

“Don’t make me second guess myself. I never have.” Wonwoo told him, raising his chin. Mingyu brushed aside the other’s coldness, engulfing his tininess in a bear hug. 

II

The day had ended and Jun had offered to drive Wonwoo home, but the latter had received a phone call from his father who requested his presence at his office. A limo had pulled up to the curb a little ways down the road leading away from the campus.

Mingyu had spotted Wonwoo in the hallway but was not able to catch up with the shorter. Not only did Wonwoo have the legs of a gazelle, but he had also been walking with a purpose. 

Alas, he found Wonwoo a few hundred feet away from him, but he had already opened the door of the black shining limo awaiting him. Mingyu walked stealthily next to a tree as to not be caught out in the open and watched as the other boy gracefully stepped into the vehicle.

Before S.Coups and his friends DK and Chan walked up to him, Mingyu had realized that he had been pining after Wonwoo, perhaps because of the absence of the other boy. He could care less about the road to fame, or even prosperity since the only object in his focus was the heart of the scary but beautiful Wonwoo. Being able to charm Wonwoo had not been a fruitless achievement, but a feat belonging only to a man worthy of the other’s intellect, the value that he wanted to acquire through his own efforts, and protect and cherish deeply. His subconscious had heralded the feeling of endearment for the other, compelling him to devote himself to him. What Mingyu experienced was not merely a physical attraction, but the contact of another soul. Their interaction had bared such a powerful impression on him that their touch had seemed beyond physical. It was as if he had met the other half of his soul.


	4. On the Tripartite Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this chapter covers a glimpse of Wonwoo's childhood and a key to explaining his current condition. His soul is split into reason, spirit, and appetite, which battle for control. Wonwoo has a suitor! -Warning- there is some violence/abuse.

The Jeon Rodolfo Headquarters was no piece of simple and bland architecture. The fact that the skyscraper’s owner made a name for himself in fashion created an expectation for the design of the building to be as spiffy and swinging as the man himself was. Its golden trimmed corners soared to the sky, and it’s dark blue-tinted windows glamorously reflected the sunlight that was ever so scarce in a city like New York. 

Wonwoo had gotten over his fear of heights early in his childhood as there was no escape from ascending the building’s seventy floors after his father summoned him. With that wandering brain of his, Wonwoo chuckled to himself at the thought of what he and Mingyu could do in an elevator. His mind worked only for the purposes of being humorous of course. Wonwoo would be disgusted if he ever found himself entertaining those thoughts seriously. His appetite and the temptation that he came across were his worst enemies after all. What better solution did he have at hand than to dismiss the source of such things? The decision to pursue love seemed to be influenced by the Devil whispering in his ear rather than God commanding him to be honorable.

The elevator dinged, indicating that he had reached the chief executive’s office. Wonwoo treaded the carpeted floors as he always had, guessing that the fabric must have already borne the impression of his shoes. Mr. Jeon’s secretary gave him a warm smile, but with Wonwoo’s no-nonsense attitude, he could tell that she pitied him. 

“He just got off from a call with the investors he’s been tied up with. I’d expect him not to be in the very best of moods, honey. I made him a cup of coffee but I think it would be best if you gave it to him. You know how much he loves his son. Here.” she said, handing him the tray with a pitcher of cream and bowl of sugar. “Judging from today’s events, it would make his day. Keep up your guard anyways.” she narrowed her eyes and laughed. 

“Thank you ma’am, I wouldn't want you to be at the brunt of his tirades.” Wonwoo smiled.

“Oh Wonwoo, you are such a nice boy.” she replied.

“Yes, and that’s all.” 

As Wonwoo opened one of the large wooden doors to his father’s office, he stopped as he saw his father standing disturbingly idle. He supposed the man wanted to make the scene more frightening for Wonwoo than it already wasn’t. 

“Usually all my subordinate’s knock.” Mr. Jeon said at the front of his desk, hands clasped behind his back, face turned towards the windows.

“I wish you could fire all your subordinates and perhaps I’d have the incentive to knock then.” Wonwoo replied, prompting the other to turn around, giving his son a side-eye. 

“You know I couldn’t fire my own son Wonwoo. Haven’t you been in my office enough to know that?”

“I’ve been in your office to know a lot of things, which is perhaps why I’ve become so adept in the politics of business and not just design.”

“That’s what I intended for you to learn Wonwoo. Now, sit down. We have much to discuss.” Mr. Jeon said, pulling out the chair he had been standing in front of, gesturing for his son to sit in it. 

“I don’t need any time to prepare or be mellowed into things. What’s there to talk about?” 

“Your college majors.” the elder Jeon said bluntly. “Don’t you think people might perceive it wrong, or think it odd that the heir to the company is studying computer science and what was the other one. All I remember is that it was useless.” he paused, snapping his fingers for Wonwoo to answer.

“I don’t think there’s any point in telling you again if you couldn’t remember your own son’s major the first time I told you. But I suppose you already kicked the horse to death and there’s no danger in telling. It’s philosophy father, and I’m…” Wonwoo stopped, lost in thought. “...Eager to pursue something that would add to my arsenal of knowledge. Yes, that’s why I like it so much. It’s the only thing I’ve ever felt good about.”

“Never mind any of those things. I fail to hear the cash register ding or see a person gawk at my clothing when I hear you talk about… well, what you always talk about. Ninety-nine percent of the people on this Earth couldn’t care less. Now, since we can’t change your subjects just yet, I will be talking to the college administrators on working out a plan for the future. Meanwhile, you will comply with whatever they advise you on doing: the courses in design, marketing, the whole menagerie! And I better not learn that you bribed them into doing otherwise.” his father said, pointing at his son.

“Could I at least take a course in aesthetics? It could prove useful.”

“Absolutely not. You would put all your focus into that class and neglect the others. Don’t think you got your cleverness from your mother Wonwoo. After all, how do you think I got here, in this building, in this city. It takes a lot to build a business, it takes your soul Wonwoo.”

“Well, I prefer to keep mine.” Wonwoo said, but his tone was not all that desperate and upset. Rather, he closed his eyes, not bothering to look at his father, and he turned his head the other way with disdain. “And there are some things that I’m glad I didn’t inherit from you. Even this whole crooked scheme you call a business.” 

Mr. Jeon huffed, grinning as if he had not been insulted. “Oh, you wait and see Wonwoo. It might be impossible to tell if that cold shell of yours has any dreams, either way, your aspirations are just a guise for your selfishness. It’s utterly childish that you still hold such contempt for your own father. It will do awful things to you. I bet you’ll even grow more wrinkles than me in a couple of years. It’s a shame that my beautiful son has such an unattractive feature that neither plastic surgery or holy water could fix.”

Wonwoo stayed silent, holding his tongue for a moment. “If that is all, I’ll take my leave.” he said, walking to the doors, shoulders slouched. He wished he had spat in the man’s coffee.

The young heir to his father’s business forged a smile for the secretary, not bothering to learn of the young boy’s presence sitting on the couch opposite her desk. Wonwoo left the anteroom as his fellow alumni from school watched him with hungry eyes. The boy gave the same look to him as he did earlier, but this time Wonwoo hadn’t noticed.

II

JAEHYUN discarded his lustful gaze, exchanging it with a polite smile as he approached the desk. “Who is that guy.” he asked the secretary, tilting his head towards the boy in the elevator. The secretary was surprised by his directness, wearing a smile that told him she knew why he asked.

“You mustn't refer to the heir of the company in that manner sir.” she said, although her tone didn’t sound all that serious. “I think that answers your question.” 

“What’s his name?”

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that. Mr. Jeon wants those closest to him kept away from public knowledge. It would be venturing into confidential territory.”

“I see.” Jaehyun replied. A smirk formed on his face as he returned to the waiting area.

III

\-------12 years earlier--------

“You little bastard! Son of a bitch! I told you to stay in your room. You want me to turn the lights off? Because that’s what it’s come to.” Mr. Jeon said, his voice delivering a more smoldering feeling of terror, hotter than the burn of the rug beneath his back. The older and stronger man had pushed him down to the ground, almost trampling his son. 

“I’ll go! I’ll go! Please, I’m sorry!” Wonwoo cried, squirming and slapping his father’s wrists which had grabbed the underside of his shirt near his collarbone. Mr. Jeon continued to drag him towards his room. 

“That little irrational brain of yours better think twice about playing around with the dress I made for your mother. Or else I’ll drag you to hell!” his father roared, mouth almost devouring Wonwoo’s eyes. 

“You’re going to stay in here for the rest of the day, and if I hear a peep, you’ll get it.” Mr. Jeon exhaled, grabbing the door handle to Wonwoo’s room, and bringing it back to slam it. 

Although he couldn't see anything - which was his biggest fear, Wonwoo was overcome with rage. Emboldened to strike back at his father, he rushed towards the door, using his hands to guide himself past his bureau and drawers. The door had been recently replaced by a wooden makeshift. The other before it had been ripped off its hinges.

“Let me out! Let me out!” he repeated, aching to have his voice heard. He would not stay in his room tormented by the demons he couldn’t see while his father and mother conversed about sales over drinks. 

Wonwoo felt around the rug, finding his sneakers. He then began to kick the door, the force inflicting pain on his toes. His fists were clenched, pressing into the wood as his foot finally penetrated one of the panels.

“I said, let… me… out!” he screamed inhumanly, breaking a hole into the door with every breath.

Before he could sigh and release the feeling of sadness that he had been holding in, he heard a curse from his father, who just so happened to be approaching the door with a calm fury. It was the calculating vengeful side of him that had reared its ugly head at the moment. 

Before Wonwoo could step back and gasp, the door opened, slamming against the wall and cracking the plaster. 

Wonwoo heard the unbuckling of a belt, raising his hands expecting the blow to come to him. Rather than being pushed onto the bed as his father usually coerced him into doing, rough leather landed against his cheek, emitting the sound that a flat surface would make when hitting water. Wonwoo grabbed his cheek, tears flowing down them. He was pushed into his drawer causing it to shake against the wall and then was manhandled onto the bed. 

Perhaps it was more frightening that his father hadn’t muttered a word, but it just indicated that he would be commencing their usual sadistic ritual. 

The boy breathed out a sigh, still shaken up but his heartbeat had slowed. Wonwoo supposed it was because he knew what would happen next. There was a sense of normalcy to it, and by that, he gritted his teeth as he flinched from the blows inflicted on his nakedness. His bare posterior was a focal point of his father’s punishments, that and most painfully, his back. But he stayed there, crouched on his knees and bent over, face in his pillow, enduring it.

\-------Present Day-------

As he left his father’s office, it was by instinct that his blood would begin to boil. But now, as his visits had become so frequent, he grew accustomed to the emotions he experienced, and they soon were reduced to a simmer. 

He remembered the question Jun asked him a while after they had become friends. Wonwoo became still, recalling that it was something like “What caused you to hate your father so much?” 

The question had followed a party that Mr. Jeon had held for his fifteenth birthday. Rather than simply hosting a get-together of all of his school friends, his father had invited all of his business partners and the older relatives whose commentary and blessings bore the weight of a cudgel that they used to beat him into a corner. 

Mr. Jeon had intended for his powerful friends and his loved ones who held familial authority over his son, to steer Wonwoo down the path he himself had taken. It was a speech that the older man had given regarding the “talent, skill and passion” that Wonwoo supposedly had for business and fashion, which prompted a negative response from Jun’s question. Mr. Jeon had attempted to put him in an inescapable box, where every corner he would turn to, every mentor and advisor that he could possibly seek out, would tell him the same thing. “Do what would make your father proud.” and “Sacrifice your selfish naivete and accept the wisdom of a man who made himself billions.” 

It was that evening where Jun had brought back those memories. They had been buried in his unconscious. And although Wonwoo wasn’t very fond of alleging the existence of such mystical and non-empirical things, he couldn’t help but admit that there was some reservoir of wisdom accumulated through his childhood which had made him age faster than any other youth. It was not from the fact that he was surrounded by debauched adults who drank and gambled, nor was his personality created by being on the brunt end of the reckless behavior of supposed role models. There was another factor that played a role in forging his character, waiting to be discovered by someone who could truly know him.

His parents had sold their souls on the stock market, substituted their dignity for wads of cash, and gave up their faith for the luck of the draw at their favorite casinos. 

Thus Wonwoo struggled to say that his childhood had an impact on the person he was today. He was not a product of circumstances. But he could say that he saw the light earlier than most people, even if he was kept in a dark room for a large chunk of his childhood. 

He saw the need to base his every decision, every thought, and every judgment, on reason. Emotions or desires had no place in how he lived. Wonwoo could not love for that very emotion would enslave him to irrational things such as passion and jealousy. It was just like being intoxicated from the whiskey Mr. Jeon drank. Perhaps it was even a more powerful narcotic. 

Everything on Earth seemed to tie people down, like the futile quest for love and affection from others. It was a hedonistic treadmill of sorts. A never-ending hell on Earth. The temptations to fall in love was the soul’s temptation to jump into a cesspit of feelings. Yes, that’s what he was, he thought, a fallen soul, displaced from heaven. That’s why earthly feelings felt so foreign to him.

Here on Earth, he was subject to the ugliest of things. Perhaps that was why he could tolerate fashion. Fashion entailed the creation of the beautiful, made from the blueprints in his mind. He remembered what Plato had said about knowledge, that human beings had some kind of innate knowledge built into them at birth that provided them a hint that perfection really existed. When he helped his father’s designers craft a new article of clothing, he felt as though he were on a path to recreating the divinity of beauty existing in heaven, here on Earth.

But at the moment, he would just have to survive the glum and dismal life set out for him, molded and made crooked by the circumstances of living in his father’s shadow. It was as if almost everyone were besieging him in an ivory tower, which was just another name for the library he had escaped to. Yet maybe he had put himself there for other reasons. Maybe he just wanted to minimize the heartbreak that was inevitable if he were to step out of his already empty shell. Wonwoo was fragile after all, like a soft hand without any callouses. He never had experienced enough contact -that wasn’t the slap of a belt, for him to even boast about having a heart. Like the Wizard of Oz once said, “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” 

It seemed as though there were two reasons why one may not have a heart. One was volitional, in the respect that it was due to the conscious decision of being evil. The other was from no fault of one’s own, simply being the result of neglect and malnourishment. 

Wonwoo thought he saw the cure for his condition lying in those brown eyes belonging to Mingyu. But he dismissed it as an illusion created by his emotions and desires, maybe it was even a psychological condition. It was too dangerous, he thought, venturing out into the unknown. Especially when his father was just beyond the door, stalking and preying on the place his heart was supposed to be. The Devil had tried to tempt him again with a manifestation of a false sense of flawlessness in the young man. He couldn’t help but gush at the thought of Mingyu being sent from heaven to bear the cross of life’s ills for him. But Wonwoo knew that he was being deceived and tried to resist.

He promised himself that he would never open the door when sin was behind it. Wonwoo had to keep it shut. 

IV

“Mr. Jung.” the secretary called. “Mr. Jeon is ready to see you.”

Jaehyun nodded a ‘thank you’ to her as he pushed open both doors to the CEO’s office. This time, Mr. Jeon was sitting comfortably in his black leather office chair as a crime lord would, expecting his minion to deliver what he requested.

“Jaehyun!” the CEO said enthusiastically, jumping up from his chair and winding around his desk. Mr. Jeon’s arm came around Jaehyun’s shoulder as the older looked at him with pride. It was a look that said Jaehyun would be an excellent bachelor.

“Mr. Jeon.” the younger acknowledged, stepping away from the CEO and bowing. The latter chuckled. 

“No need to be so formal son. The circumstances of your presence here aren’t at all serious. Please, have a seat.” the older began.

“I wanted to talk to you about the new store designs you drafted. You are very skilled for an intern at such a low level. We must discuss your promotion. Your project manager informed me about your talents.”

“That would be great sir. I really appreciate it. I can’t tell you how much I am thankful for the job.” Jaehyun said.

“Alright kid, let’s work out the details. I’m willing to give you a salary of eighty-thousand for starters.” the older said, plopping down at his desk and getting out a pen.

The sun was beginning to set as the two men exchanged words about the contract. The CEO had alluded to his family life a couple of times, but when he did so for the third time, Jaehyun was instantly reminded of the piece of meat he had spotted entering the elevator.

“Mr. Jeon, with all due respect, may I speak out of turn?” 

“Why of course. You know this is a very open space.” Mr. Jeon replied

“Well, how should I put this?” Jaehyun said to himself, pausing as his gears spun internally. Then a flicker of boldness crossed his eyes and he looked up with a snicker. “Mr. Jeon, you didn’t tell me you had a partner. I couldn’t have guessed you liked him that much to give him the company. And when I say partner, I’m not talkin about the business kind. ” he said, a cheeky smile appearing on his face.

“Why you devil!” Mr. Jeon laughed heartily. “Perhaps I was a bit too ambiguous about what you could ask. But if you really want to know, that’s my son Wonwoo.” 

“I see.” Jaehyun smirked. His expression suggested a sign of eagerness more than intrigue. Jaehyun was certain that the CEO’s son was an easily-winnable trophy. 

“You did eh?” Mr. Jeon raised his brow. “Is that the reason why you walked in here like a fanatic? Tell me son I can see that you're just begging to ask a question.”

“It’s nothing much sir. I was just wondering if I could meet him. It would even be more of an honor if you could introduce me to your son if that’s alright?” Jaehyun asked. 

Rather than saying “sure”, Mr. Jeon smiled like a mad man raising a mug of whiskey. “It’s settled then! I’ll arrange a dinner Wednesday, but of course, Wonwoo will have to be kept in the dark. If he found out about this blind date, if that’s what you kids call it, he’ll for sure refuse to go.”

“You’re smart Mr. Jeon, no wonder you're the head of a multimillion-dollar business.” Jaehyun grinned as Mr. Jeon gave his shoulder a squeeze. 

“Keep up that attitude kid and you might just have yourself a corner office one day. Now, leave it up to me to make reservations and call up some friends. If only you were twenty-one then we could have a toast!” he cried.


	5. Phaedrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to update quickly so I didn't manage to get to Minwon's hangout considering how in-depth I want their conversation to be. There's a skirmish near the end of the chapter however but Mingyu really earns his title. -warning, there is harassment and things get physical- and new characters make their debut! I got so much to elaborate on, don't worry other shippers!

Wonwoo returned home that evening, not even bothering to shower or prepare for bed. A part of him was worn out by the anxiety-provoking first day of school. Better yet, he had found his soulmate, the man who could make him suddenly still from the intensity of his presence all the while making him melt like jello. He suppressed those feelings, thinking if he had kept them from ever seeing the light of day he’d be able to say they weren't there. 

He slid fluidly into his desk chair, taking out his notebook and pen. Wonwoo began to furiously write, cramming words in between lines and jotting down notes in the margins. It may have been a ”stress thing”, or a distraction, on why Wonwoo never seemed to rest. It was as if the analog clock above his bookshelf was spinning out of control, and the sound of wind instruments played wildly. He didn’t mind the neck pain in the morning so long as he had written dozens of pages of his future novel. Of course, it wasn't a novel yet. The words danced across his eyes, ”everything is potentiality.” 

His phone interrupted his daze, buzzing against the wooden surface. He brought his face above the screen, already guessing who it was. Wonwoo was somewhat flattered, and somewhat on edge. It was from Mingyu. The phone then buzzed again, highlighting the other man’s trademark rambunctiousness. 

”Why can’t people my age just call on the phone?” Wonwoo muttered to himself, turning his head towards the book that reminded him of the quote on potentiality. Would Aristotle endorse his passion-filled desire for Mingyu? Most likely not since the whole thing wasn't ”in moderation” but that was only what he imagined the man telling him. Wonwoo hoped to grow old sooner or later, which would hopefully diminish his longing for romance. He genuinely wanted a companion and wanted to bask in affectionate love. 

Wonwoo looked at the screen of his phone again. 

Unknown Number: Hey Wonwoo, this is Mingyu. I know I’m the one who gave you my number but I happened to see yours and memorize it. I know I know, I may sound like a crazily-obsessed creep, but I just have a good memory. 

Unknown Number: Anyway, we should hang after your last class ends. I get out a little early since my professor has something to do so yeah. Text me what time you get out.

Wonwoo realized that he had forgotten to ask his father about a job for Mingyu. He had no doubt the older man would call him to his office once again, so the proposition could wait. It may have been a nice thing to do, but Wonwoo couldn't help but feel that he was delivering his friend into the belly of the beast. His eyes dazzled over the words and his breath hitched. Wonwoo knew how easy it was to decline, but he couldn't find the willpower to do so. It was neither fate or chance which told him to say yes. Rather, it was the sweet sound of Mingyu’s raspy and deep voice that told him to hold his pursuits in the highest esteem. If Wonwoo saw value in another human being, he knew that now wasn't the time to stall or dilly dally. His frown morphed into a distressed expression, a fighting smile. He typed the words with certainty, mentally opening his arms as if the Mingyu had been there to return the gesture. He whispered ”yes” to the screen with glee, as if he were relieved to know Mingyu wanted him around. Wonwoo found solace in those words displayed on the screen, but then he shivered.

He couldn't bring himself to let Mingyu discover his ambitions towards him.

Wonwoo: Sounds good. I get out at five. 

Wonwoo: One more thing. You better have your license, because you're driving ; ) 

After typing the last message, he slapped the phone face down on his wooden desk, eagerly going back to work. But as his mind traced over the unwritten words in his head, and as his eyes traced over the words on the paper, a call rang out from the bowels of his unconsciousness. He no longer felt a rush that one experiences reaching the summit of a roller coaster, but a desperate urgency that compelled him to either stall in line or reach the bottom quickly and painlessly. Choosing the first option would be no different than how he had lived his life before. But for the second option, well, he didn’t want to think about that. Wonwoo was determined to reap whatever he could from the only source of vitality in life, even if it were false and delusional. He wished he were infatuated with Mingyu, eternally submerged in a pool of roses and hallucinogenic fragrances, or riding in the Tunnel of Puppylove. Sometimes he wished he were drunk on love, a remedy to bad days which was even more effective than escapist fantasy novels. 

Wonwoo wondered what a bust of Mingyu’s head would look like with his chiseled face sculpted into marble. Its presence would dominate his library, distracting Wonwoo from thinking and philosophizing. The faces of ancient greek philosophers would still be invigorating and inspiring to look at, right after Kim Mingyu’s of course. The desire to be in the gods' likenesses was what Aristotle claimed to explain the orbits of the planets, which is why perfection and divinity were features attributed to the shape of a circle. Perhaps Mingyu was the man on Earth who could make Wonwoo move without needing a push. Love seemed to be more powerful than fear in regard to what could motivate people. 

He just wished he were strong enough to say “yes” to the man in all respects and not just to a simple hangout. 

II

Jun and Minghao walked side to side, feet almost synchronized as they reached the benches out in one of the campus’s courtyards. Wonwoo had been trailing behind them, wearing the expression of a loner. Yet he took long strides, walking with dignity. His eyes had been staring downcast along the concrete pathway but sparkled with delight as he spotted Mingyu. Apparently, Wonwoo was still preoccupied with determining if Mingyu was a mere crush, or a threat to his being capable of rationality.

Mingyu’s face, stuffed full of pork belly, afflicted him with some sort of catatonic state, making it impossible to not smile. 

“Smaller bites Mingyu, smaller bites. I don’t want to see you choke.” Wonwoo giggled as Mingyu inhaled almost everything on his tray.

“One, I’m super hungry, and two, we only have a limited amount of time so I need to eat as fast as I can so I can talk to you more. I mean- talk to you guys more.” Mingyu said as S.Coups sent him a blank stare. “The second one’s more important.” Mingyu said bashfully, eyes leaving Wonwoo. 

“We’ll have more time after classes. Unless my time is really that valuable.” Wonwoo said, prodding the boundary of humbleness. 

“It is.” Mingyu stated, looking up at him with a glint of adoration in his eyes. 

“More important than football practice?” S.Coups interjected, smirking. 

“Ahhh well…” Mingyu sputtered, but then instantly remembered. “Hey! Don’t act like you and Angelface aren’t skipping either!”

“Don’t give me that crap Mingyu. You should know, you’re one of the best in the team. They need you more than me.” 

“I'll just skip practice. I think coach just wants to yell at me.”

“Well, I don’t endorse your decision. But I’m not a rat.” S.Coups nodded, smiling deviously. Mingyu gave him a nudge but then turned back to Wonwoo as if his attention span was that of a puppy’s.

“You know there’s a guy on the cheerleading team?” Mingyu asked, peering up at Wonwoo from his slouched position. His expression suggested he had something in mind for the other.

“Yes, Seungkwan. We are friends from high school. He always has that cute blonde boy following him around.” Wonwoo giggled, covering his mouth as he ate. Mingyu pretended to ignore Wonwoo’s use of that adjective.

“I was thinking, I wouldn’t mind having an extra member of my fan club. I have to make everyone swoon for me this coming Saturday, and a voice that isn’t shrill or screeching would be nice.” Mingyu said, arching his brows as if he were selling Wonwoo a scam. “You should join, I hear they need another member.

Wonwoo looked at him with wide eyes, struggling to contain his laughter. “If I ever wanted to degrade myself, I would take you up on that. And besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m extremely pale. I wouldn’t want to blind you guys when you're trying to catch the ball.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed.” Mingyu blurted out, jolting back as he heard his own words.

“I don’t see what’s so shocking for you to backpedal like that. Is my paleness a bad thing?” Wonwoo asked, playing the victim. Although he wanted to hear Mingyu stumble over, correcting himself.

“No no, of course not! I just meant that, well, I admire your look.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly, hoping his answer would be sufficient enough to reassure Wonwoo. He narrowed his eyes, feigning hesitation as if he were struggling to accept Mingyu’s explanation. But the taller continued. “If you want me to keep it real, I think you’d look cute in a cheerleader outfit.” 

“I couldn’t say whether I’d want to take that as a compliment, or as a reason to get a fake tan. I burn easily, I bet you’ve deduced that.” Wonwoo said, grazing his fingers over his macilent and angular arms. He looked at Mingyu with childishness, watching him from the corner of his eyes as he coyly turned his head sideways. He wondered if it would provide an incentive if he told Mingyu he bruised easily as well. 

“I think I’ll keep my mouth shut on that.” Mingyu rolled his eyes. He looked at the shorter, granting him a subdued smile. He was fed up with Wonwoo’s tricks. 

“You’re smart, that’s one thing. I think you’d make an excellent employee for my father. But that’s only if he isn't really fond of you. His female interns, well…” Wonwoo stopped, his deep laughter came out like hiccups. “He’d prefer them to keep their mouths open.” 

Mingyu’s jaw dropped enough to hit the table, caught aghast by Wonwoo’s banter.  
“Oh don’t look at me like that. It’s nothing new from what you guys talk about in the locker room.” Wonwoo said haughtily. 

“Trust me Wonwoo, the subject is something you’d never think of.” S.Coups said, nudging Mingyu’s shoulder.

“I bet it's less vulgar and sweeter.” Minghao cooed. “Mingyu-hyung isn’t like that.” 

“I’m glad to be wrong then.” Wonwoo smiled, looking at a still flabbergasted Mingyu with earnestness. This time, he initiated contact and extended his hand. Although Wonwoo’s gesture was firm and stiff, Mingyu took the shorter’s delicate hands and shook them softly. 

III

Their photography professor took no time to settle his students into the class, immediately telling the kids about all the different plans he had to make photography seem revolting and less enjoyable. Luckily, the professor indirectly eased their struggle by assigning Mingyu and Wonwoo to a project together. 

On the first day, Mingyu had met him outside in the hallway, allowing Wonwoo to pick their seats. The two hit it off after that. Upon hearing the arrangement, Mingyu slouched to level his head with Wonwoo’s, poking his side to express unbridled joy. Meanwhile, Wonwoo held back a snicker as Mingyu’s large sausage-fingers felt like a feather tickling his insides. He gave the taller a satisfied smile, holding back an expression of relief. 

“Now settle down students. I know I’ve been extra kind in not giving you a written assignment. But you must take this project seriously. I’m looking for your best so I can assess your potential.” Their professor said. 

“You think he’s serious. The dude’s probably gonna give it to the assistant professors. They already got enough on their plate.” Mingyu whispered, not caring about how close his lips were to touching Wonwoo’s ears. 

“His face tells me he is.” Wonwoo said bluntly, staring blankly at the professor who just so happened to be glaring daggers at Mingyu. The taller untangled his legs from out beneath Wonwoo’s seat and fixed his posture, giving an apologetic look. 

“We can egg his house later.” Wonwoo whispered, patting the area above Mingyu’s elbow, accidentally making contact with the muscle there. As the professor continued to run through the rubric -as if college students couldn’t read, Mingyu returned to chatting.

“You just felt the result of years of working out. Is that why you flinched?” Mingyu teased. The taller felt the spark created from their skin making contact as well.

“No.” Wonwoo replied, trying to make his face contort into a frown. He failed, releasing a chuckle. 

“The subject must interest you since you’ve been looking at my arm for a while now.” Mingyu continued. “You see, this is how well it’s pronounced.” Mingyu said, demonstrating just how far his bicep stuck out. The taller than laughed, lurching forward in his seat. 

“We’ll have plenty of time to take pictures for Fitness Magazine. So can you keep it under your sleeves for a bit.” Wonwoo said, causing Mingyu’s face to scrunch up and crinkle. His hands fell on one of Wonwoo’s shoulders, and one on his waist as Mingyu tried to balance himself. 

“And keep your hands to yourself Kim.” Wonwoo grinned. 

IV

The two decided to work on their project the next day, preserving their time together after school. Wonwoo tried his best to look unimpressed by the barrage of Mingyu’s teasings and became flustered when the taller put his hand on the small of his back. No longer had they been merely walking side to side, but now they were attached to the hip, with Mingyu’s arm bringing Wonwoo closer by his side. 

As they proceeded into the corridor with Mingyu walking Wonwoo to his next class, they spotted the same group of boys from yesterday, minus Jaehyun. Although they were without their leader, they were as confident as ever.

“Heyyy big guy.” Changkyun acknowledged, brushing the burgundy locks over his forehead to the side. “Yo Mingyu.” the others drew out. Wonwoo counted five of them. Some bore familiar faces.

“What’s up?” Mingyu replied, nodding towards them. He didn’t forget that Wonwoo had a class to go to and guided him forward, trying to pass the group of boys.

“Who’s this. He’s looking fine.” Changkyun walked forward, cutting between Mingyu and intercepting Wonwoo. Wonwoo peered over Changkyun’s shoulder, unphased by his action. “Mind telling me your name, I bet it’s as sweet as you look.” Changkyun said.

“Gee if he wasn’t already taken I’d tap that.” a voice -who Wonwoo distinguished as Wonho, said under his breath. Wonwoo knew it would be awkward the next time Wonho tried to spark conversation with him in math class. He chuckled, finding the whole thing amusing.

“My name is Jeon Wonwoo. And I’m not Mingyu’s.” he answered.

“That’s not who he was referring to babe.” Changkyun said. 

“Alright, back off Wonwoo!” Mingyu shouted, dragging Changkyun back by the collar and stepping in front of Wonwoo to protect him. But Wonho being the slick bastard he was, snuck around the three, audaciously moving to put his hands on Wonwoo’s slim and unbothered figure.

Wonwoo closed his eyes, devoid of any emotion as he felt the hands behind him touch below his waistline. “He’s got a nice ass t-” Wonho laughed. But before he could even utter the sentence, Mingyu held Wonwoo to the side, and his fist collided with Wonho’s face. 

“Woah man. We didn’t intend for you to get this riled up" Changkyun said. Interestingly enough the breath was knocked out of him even though Mingyu hadn’t even punched him. But his disgraceful behavior didn’t seem to cease as he used the opening to grab Wonwoo’s waist and pull him against his arousal. The man seemed to get off at his own degeneracy. 

Wonwoo hadn’t even winced at the touch of Changkyun’s hands, allowing himself to be manhandled like a doll. It was neither pleasurable or revolting for him. But he wanted to see just how far Mingyu intended to go when it came to protecting what was his. 

“Changkyun man! Let him go!” a blonde boy who was shorter than Wonwoo said from the sidelines. Wonwoo recognized his face as belonging to Vernon. He remembered how kind he was to him yesterday when he had gotten lost in the hallway. Vernon walked forward, about to yank Changkyun away from Wonwoo when Mingyu beat him to it. 

In a flash, Mingyu’s hand grabbed Changkyun’s neck and threw him against the wall, incapacitating him for a short while. The other two boys who Wonwoo hadn’t recognized sprinted away cowardly.

“Don’t worry, I went easy on him considering we have a game coming up Saturday. I’d be happy to beat em up more if you’d like.” Mingyu asked, holding Wonwoo’s shoulders tightly. 

“No, it’s quite alright. Thank you for taking care of them. I couldn’t even handle one if I tried.” Wonwoo admitted although he was unashamed. He didn’t mind feeling small sometimes. In Mingyu’s arms, he enjoyed the warmth and protection. There was something about being feeble which made him feel important. 

“You’re fine right? They didn’t hurt you?” Mingyu said, pulling Wonwoo’s sleeves backward and checking for any bruises. 

“I’m fine, thank you again.” Wonwoo said softly, gazing up into Mingyu’s eyes as the taller’s searched Wonwoo’s expression for any sign of pain.

“Hey man, sorry for that asshole. Now I know who I shouldn’t be hanging out with.” Vernon smiled meekly. Wonwoo whipped his head away from Mingyu’s approaching hands and turned towards the blonde boy. He shook his hand, thanking Vernon for sticking up for him. But he failed to notice that Mingyu was struggling to form words. There was another twinge in his face, as if Minyu were jealous, watching Wonwoo’s lips curve as Vernon joked around with him. He had been occupied with internally deliberating with himself as to not hear the sound of shouting directed towards him.

“What the hell is going on here?” a man yelled, observing the two students who were lying on the ground and groaning. 

“These two kids picked a fight with Mingyu. He was only defending himself.” Wonwoo explained.

“Sorry for causing a scene Mr. Edwards. They were harassing Wonwoo here, trying to get Mingyu worked up because they know Wonwoo is his friend.” Vernon added. 

“I don’t want to hear anything more, we’ll discuss this in my office. Someone drag em to the nurse or something!” the Dean shouted. Before he could walk away he looked at Wonwoo with concern grazing his face. “Are you alright Wonwoo? I’m sure the big guy right here could take you to the nurse if you aren’t” he asked, causing Mingyu to smile and become embarrassed. The guy had just exposed him. 

“I’m alright thanks.”

“Okay, we’ll see what we can do about those guys. We’ll be dishing out the punishments based on how much damage was dealt.” he said sternly. Then his expression softened, “Feel free to skip classes tomorrow Wonwoo, it’s the least we can do for you. And, you, I want to see you in my office once you escort your boy to his class.” Mr. Edwards said, pointing at Mingyu. “You know you don’t find many gentlemen these days!”

“Thank you, Mr. Edwards. Mingyu here is a fine gentleman.” Wonwoos said nicely, looking back up at the taller.

“Don’t worry sir, I got Wonwoo.” he nodded. Mr. Edwards wrote out a quick pass for Wonwoo’s professor and the footballer's hand assumed the position of resting on Wonwoo’s hip as he led him towards his next class. 

V

Jaehyun had been fuming. Upon hearing the news of the incident from his goons who’d run away, he made his way to the nurse's office. He hadn’t intended for things to amount to a scuffle, nor had he intended for Mingyu to utterly win so badly.

He entered the nurse's office, suppressing his angry emotions and exchanged them for a charming smile as he asked about his friends. One of the office’s secretaries led him to their room and he followed closely behind her, just itching to give a piece of his mind to his friends. She opened the door for which he bowed and thanked her, but then his expression transformed to cover his shiny teeth and dazzling eyes, switching to a dire and sinister frown. 

“Ughhhh.” Changkyun groaned as Jaehyun prodded the area along his ribs, taking his revenge. If one had asked him whether he took joy in another’s suffering, he would respond affirmatively. But only when someone had crossed the line with him, or in this case, with Wonwoo. Although, from what those two rubbernecks had told him, Wonwoo hadn’t seemed to be bothered by Wonho’s and Changkyun’s handling of him. 

“Sit up you douchebags, what did I tell you about laying your hands on him?” Jaehyun asked, gritting his teeth. “Unless you want the nurse to come in here and find that your bruises have turned black, I suggest you start talking.” 

“Dude relax!” Changkyun said, raising his hands to cover his face. “We didn’t mean it. It just slipped our minds. Sorry, your boy was hotter than you described.” he chuckled, but then gasped in pain when Jaehyun pimp-slapped him. 

“What was the point anyway? First, you want us to taunt Wonwoo but then you get mad if we get a little handsy. Are you that crazy for him?” Wonho asked, sounding a little pissed.

“Keeping it verbal would have been fine!” Jaehyun replied. “Do you realize that now Wonwoo probably hails Mingyu as a hero? You were supposed to make him look weak!”

“It was never gonna work since he punched Wonho first.” Changkyun explained. “He’s a boss. He wouldn’t care if you tapped him on the shoulder, or only said mean things about his boyfriend because he’ll send you flying across the room.”

“I think I learned my lesson.” Wonho chuckled through the winces of pain.

“He’s not the only alpha on campus.” Jaehyun said, staring at his reflection in the room’s only window.

“Yeah right! Like an alpha would send his goons to do his own dirty work.” Wonho said.

“Well I couldn’t make myself look bad could I?” Jaehyun smiled, tolerating Wonho’s stupidity. “I’m already in a position to gain the upper hand over Mingyu. He’s not the only one with charm. And he’s not the only one that can throw a punch.” 

“Wow Jae, sounds like you guys share the same brain cell.” Changkyun smirked.

In response, the leader pressed down on both boy’s bruises, causing them to shout at the same time. 

“Looks like you guys share one too.”


	6. Discourses: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu and Wonwoo go out on a date even though they don't call it that. This is only part 1 of it. We'll see the truly bad boy Mingyu soon! Thank you for reaching this far into my story lol, I still have a long way to go so stay tuned!

The Dean’s office reminded Mngyu of a police station. The phones rang frequently and the polished shoes of interns clanked against the tiled floors as they passed by carrying stacks of paper and folders. He had just been cleared by Mr. Edwards who had run off to file some paperwork. Despite the energy in the room, the keyboards being typed on and the copy machine being loaded, it all seemed lifeless and mundane.

The scene changed however after the clock struck five o’clock, and the door next to the waiting area creaked open painfully slowly. Mingyu had been sat hunched over, with his elbows resting on his knees, displaying his shoulders and arms. His head turned to the side as he glanced at the door, somewhat indifferent to whoever was opening it.

But then his eyes were illuminated as Wonwoo peeked his head through the gap in the doorway, putting out his long and slender leg. It was clad tight in white leather, a picture that tantalized Mingyu. The air in the room had suddenly changed due to Wonwoo’s playful attitude as if he had turned the Dean’s office into a place to pick up men. 

“What got you in so much trouble that now you’re waiting here?” Wonwoo asked slyly, his voice smooth and deep. Mingyu sent him a leering grin, secretly admiring Wonwoo’s figure as the shorter had presented it in the doorframe. 

“I think you know.” Mingyu said, getting up from the chair and strutting towards Wonwoo. The latter looked at him with expectation, patiently waiting for the taller to lean down and kiss him. He blocked out the existence of the other people in the room as he imagined Mingyu’s hands on his waist. 

Mingyu looked down at him, smirking at the fact that he knew everything that was going on in Wonwoo’s mind. He kept his hands in his pockets and kept his chin a small distance apart from Wonwoo’s forehead, letting him feel his hot breath. 

The door creaked open once again, revealing the annoyed expression of Mr. Edwards. “Alright Mingyu, the school may not get you for beating up two students, but they could get you for PDA.” the grouchy man said, crossing his arms. “But as I should have said, and please forgive me… but sorry am I interrupting something?” Mr. Edwards asked softly, fighting back a smile. 

“No, but Mingyu and I were going to hang after this. I just came to meet him here.” Wonwoo explained.

“Well, I got the paperwork settled so your guy is cleared. Have fun but don’t have too much fun!” Mr. Edwards shouted as he brushed past them, retreating into his office.  
“Thank you sir.” Mingyu said as he opened the door for Wonwoo and gestured for him to go ahead of him. 

“Where are we going?” Wonwoo asked Mingyu as they entered the building’s lobby.

“It’s a surprise.” Mingyu smiled. “Wait here, it’s too chilly out there for you because someone decided to wear leather and a see-through shirt.” 

“It’s not see-through! It’s just very light.” Wonwoo replied, but stopped to lean against the entrance doors as he watched Mingyu’s tall and built body run down the rows in the parking lot. “I guess my eyes are pretty good then!” his voice rang through the wind.

A minute later, Mingyu pulled up to the entrance in a black GMC pickup truck. His arm was rested on the window and his vintage sunglasses were perched on the bridge of his nose. All he needed was a cigar and a vintage hat, Wonwoo thought, but then again, he did not condone smoking. 

Mingyu watched as Wonwoo exited the lobby. His eyes peered over the tips of his lenses, following each stride that Wonwoo’s legs took, and the fluttering of his loose fit and silk-like shirt. His collarbones stuck out prominently, forming a demarcation line that enticed the taller to kiss above. He hadn’t been aware that he’d been staring, but Mingyu did not forget his manners. He hopped out of his truck and dashed around the front, opening the door for Wonwoo as the latter smiled. He was amused at the thought of Mingyu as a bad boy, but at the same time, he was uncollected and all over the place. 

Wonwoo was a modest person but did not pull his shirt down as it rode up when climbed in. Nor did he cover his posterior region with his hands as his legs extended. Mingyu caught a glimpse of the flawless and toned skin between the other’s flowing casual long sleeve shirt and his white leather pants. The beige belt, outlining Wonwoo’s remarkably slim waist could have taunted Mingyu if he had not looked away. Wonwoo suspected the man to be honorable and more than just decent, which is why he struck a grin as he flaunted his figure. As the shorter looked in the rearview mirror which had been turned inwards, he saw that Mingyu, in turn, held a stern expression, looking up at the clouds as Wonwoo got a hold of his seatbelt. It seemed rightfully so that Mingyu was more than just a gentleman who opened doors. Consider round number one a win for Mingyu, Wonwo thought.

As Mingyu climbed in on the other side, he fixed his hair and stretched his arms. “God damn Wonwoo, I’m not complaining but you should wear a skirt if you’re gonna walk around in those pants.” 

Wonwoo’s breath hitched, trying not to give Mingyu the upper hand for catching him off guard. He smiled, struggling to process what Mingyu had said. 

“I wouldn’t know who’s looking.” the shorter said cooly. “Besides, you’d knock their lights out if they did right?” 

“You know it.” Mingyu chuckled. He whistled as he drove the truck down the road along the promenade. Although the breeze from the ocean was cold, it was refreshing to him considering he was hot-bodied. Mingyu whistled. “I must say, you’re right about some things and wrong about others.” 

In the corner of his eye, he felt drawn to look at Mingyu as the man combed his hair with his fingers. But he had to look unaffected, he thought.

“That’s exactly what I would want my soulmate to tell me.” Wonwoo smiled proudly.

“You’re soulmate? What are you on about?” Mingyu asked. A confused expression painted his face.

“You know, the person you’re fated to be with from birth. I suspect I don’t have the luxury of consciously choosing what I’d want in them, but nonetheless, I just hope he isn’t a boot-licker or a suck-up.” 

“Oh, so you want it to be a he?” Mingyu wiggled his eyebrows, still maintaining his sight on the road as he leaned towards Wonwoo.

“You’re not stupid, you dyed your hair brown not blonde.” Wonwoo giggled. “But what I want is more than just a simple ‘he’. I want a man whose name sends shivers down your spine when you utter it. I’m not looking for a boy cut out from cardboard advertisements, or Macy’s catalogs. I want a real man, an ideal man, the ones that jump out from comic books. The heroes.” Wonwoo said. His voice sounded ghostly, bearing the weight of a whisper. It was as if he were talking in his dreams. 

Mingyu laughed, grabbing Wonwoo’s left arm which was resting neatly in his lap. “You know how to wound a man for starters.” 

“It wasn’t my main point.” Wonwoo smiled. “But thank you.” 

“You seem really invested in this person, whoever he might be.” Mingyu said. “All of my ex-girlfriends were as shallow as a kitty pool and more superficial than the Kardashians.”

“So it hurt when your relationships took a plunge?” Wonwoo asked, scrunching his nose as he tried not to laugh.

“Funny.” Mingyu replied sarcastically. “But I wish they had been more like you, honestly. None of them really had any passions or stuff that could really keep you interested. I also think I needed to improve myself when it came to listening skills and being lovey-dovey, but I kinda think a lot of it was just them. I didn’t think I had met the right one until now, the person who I’d be happy to change and live for. Especially to live for. I couldn’t be bothered or stressed out by anything if I just had this one person by my side.” 

“Who is it?” Wonwoo asked bluntly, his eyes had widened a little and his tone sounded demanding. He looked at Mingyu as if the man were standing on the precipice of a cliff, where there were only two ways to go. 

“I’m not gonna tell. Not until I’m sure they are the right one. You know when your heart beats louder and faster and you feel a certain way about somebody…” 

“But you always have to listen to reason. Yes, I know.” Wonwoo said, inching forward a little. He looked as though he had just jumped off that same cliff and fallen in love. Mingyu glanced at him with a knowing smirk, itching to grab Wonwoo and pull him into his chest. But a real man could wait. And a hero could not take advantage of the one he was saving. The taller made sure to remember that mantra. 

Wonwoo looked at him with disbelief, although masking it with a small grin as he pretended to laugh. Unlike other men he had known or been set up with by his father, never before had he seen someone like Mingyu be so willing to live up to his own standards rather than demand that everyone conform to his. In the adoring eyes of Wonwoo, Mingyu certainly subscribed to a code of morals, whether Mingyu was aware of it or not. And it did not seem like Mingyu was a guy who would dish out love as if it were the cheapest item on the menu. No, Wonwoo thought, the only game Mingyu played was the stock market of the soul where he exchanged value for value. If Mingyu could confirm that Wonwoo was worthy of being his, then the latter would be the beneficiary of his undying love. Mingyu wanted to buy his heart based on the value he created with his own work and effort. The currency was called morals and self-improvement, and Mingyu fit the bill. 

Mingyu parked his truck in a small alleyway right off the boulevard. He helped Wonwoo jump down from the passenger seat, noticing how small and breakable Wonwoo’s wrists were. It made him want to protect the shorter even more. Wonwoo almost imagined that the truck was a carriage and Mingyu was his coachman.

“I love pizza.” Wonwoo said, spotting the restaurant sign. Mingyu opened the door for him once again. 

“This is my favorite restaurant on the boardwalk.”

Wonwoo walked elegantly in line where black rope dividers told them where to stand. The pair stood diagonally next to a boy about the same age as them. When he glanced back at Wonwoo, Mingyu could tell that it wasn’t a glance of curiosity and sent the guy a dirty look as he placed his arm on the small of Wonwoo’s back, puffing out his chest.

The guy shook his head, turning his head away from what he had been denied. 

The pair got their food almost immediately after they ordered. But the service was minor in comparison to the food. Wonwoo refrained from closing his eyes after tasting how good the pizza was, not wanting to take his eyes off Mingyu who had stuffed his mouth full. 

“This is really good, but I’m still sour about not paying for my food at least.” Wonwoo admitted, finally easing into his seat and relaxing.

“Relax, I’m the gentleman.” Mingyu said, leaning against the table supported by his arms. \

“Good, because I really didn’t want to spend my savings from the summer. But I felt good pretending to reach for my wallet.” 

“Oh so that’s who I’m dealing with, a cheapskate Charley eh.” Mingyu chuckled.

“No, I like to consider myself a frugal Fannie.”

“And funny too?” 

Wonwoo sulked.

“Well, there must be some reason why you wanted to hang out with me.” Wonwoo said with that coy gaze of his returning, causing Mingyu to gulp. His words came out more like he was stating something rather than thinking out loud.

“I think you’re really interesting. I’ve never met a nerd that could actually have a conversation with me.” Mingyu admitted. Wonwoo’s eyes glimmered, commanding Mingyu to proceed. “But there’s more to it than that. There’s nothing really to my friendships other than jokes and everyday chats. Don’t get me wrong, S.Coups and I have a deep sense of brotherhood and trust, but as you could guess, it isn’t really that stimulating. I’m grateful for a lot of things, but being grateful isn’t enough for me.” 

“I see.” Wonwoo replied, looking at Mingyu as if he held a solution to his problem. “I think I know what you want, but what matters most is how you want it.” 

Mingyu glanced up from his clasped hands, a knowing smile on his face. Although Mingyu wasn’t perhaps the most articulate person he had ever met, his eyes displayed a mark of intelligence. 

“I want someone to love. But I don’t want them out of lust, or because of some animalistic drive in me. I want to show affection. I want to be content with my life. I don’t care about human nature or our instinct to satiate our hunger. I don’t believe in acting as if those things existed. I know they don’t because I’ve found someone who makes me feel like I’m an entirely different being. Like I’m not some animal. This person isn’t on the level of self-satisfaction or lust. They remind me that life is a never-ending treadmill that makes you want more and more. It’s like, every time you think you’re happy, you lose it the next day and continue to chase after it. I don’t want to be the man who has to take more and more of a drug just to be happy. I don’t want to be just grateful, I just want someone who makes me feel fulfilled. Sometimes I think this person makes me feel out of my league, but it only makes me want to be better, you know.” Mingyu smiled faintly. “I’ve never felt so strongly about a person before. But I’ve never felt so certain about what I want either.”

Wonwoo looked down at his food as if he had been dismayed. How could he not want this man any more passionately than he had after hearing Mingyu’s words. They struck his core, feeling as if they held more weight than Shakespeare’s entire collection of literature. How could he fall in love more? Much less permit himself to. 

Wonwoo wished to change the subject. Perhaps that would stop him from going down a path from which he could never return.

“What about your career? Any plans for the future.” Wonwoo asked anxiously. He did not mean to rudely disregard Mingyu. The taller man knew exactly why he did so but took it as a challenge. He would get Wonwoo to deliver himself to him somehow and in some way.

“Football is really what I’m all about, but I wouldn’t mind dabbling in business. I’m really interested in investing in things, marketing, and management. I think I have what it takes.” Mingyu smiled.

“It almost sounds like you want to be a hedge fund manager. Those are the worst types.” Wonwoo laughed. “But you must be creative. It’s obvious since you like photography.”

“Yeah, I like to make and edit films. I also took an engineering course back in high school. I used to make plastic models and action figures when I was a kid. Did I tell you I’m good at fixing things?” Mingyu smiled.

“You still are a kid.” Wonwoo laughed. “I’ll make sure to tell my father about how well-rounded and handy you are. But you need to drink more milk.” he teased, reaching to touch Mingyu’s cheeks. “You still have baby fat.” 

“I hate milk.” Mingyu pouted, pretending to swat away Wonwoo’s fingers but really he cherished the feel of them in his hands. He then remembered about questioning Wonwoo. 

“What about your future plans? Lay it out for me.” Mingyu said, looking at him with determination.

“Well.” Wonwoo said, pausing to think. It was uncharacteristic for him to do so, usually, his thoughts were like a stream, coming out smoothly. He supposed he was anxious about what Mingyu would think about his plans. 

“I’m not majoring in philosophy for my health you know?” Wonwoo said melodiously. “I would love to spend my entire life just reading and writing books, but I’m not so certain that I could sustain myself with that sort of lifestyle. Of course, I have my father, but, I hope to break away from him someday. When that day comes, I would have saved up enough money from my career in computer information systems, to live on my own.” 

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “What do you mean you’re not so certain? You seem like you’re certain about everything. At least, that’s how you present yourself.” he said, giving Wonwoo a look that emanated confidence.

“Maybe I’ll be popular as a philosopher... when I’m dead.” Wonwoo chuckled. “But I’m entertained by my other major. There’s a lot of logic involved in coding, which reading about philosophy has helped me with. And I have experience with my father’s company so I’m familiar with the management aspect of it. Hopefully, I’ll land an internship with my skills, and the fact that I’m taking two majors at once.”

“I think you will.” Mingyu assured him. “But gee, you seem to hate your father.” he said astounded. 

“I could never hate anyone. Hate’s a strong word.” Wonwoo said mockingly. “I just don’t like him very much. But I appreciate him for many things. I always used to get angry at him, however, I realized he’s dealing with more serious things. The fate of fifty-thousand workers are in his hands.” he looked at Mingyu with an eerie stillness. “I can’t say I don’t hold contempt for the man. I always try to stifle it by being grateful and counting my blessings, but sometimes, as you said, being grateful just doesn’t cut it.”

Mingyu watched as Wonwoo’s lips curved into a kittenish smile. The shorter’s deep and sharp voice could have lured him in like a sailor caught by a siren’s song. 

“What do you plan to do once you’re 'free'?” 

“I hope to be independent once I’m twenty-three. Maybe then I will be employed at an office and have already published my first book. I’m already halfway done with it.”

“A book?” Mingyu exhaled, smiling as he shook his head. “You impress me more and more. I want to be the first one to read it. Wait, scratch that, can I listen to the audio version, I can’t read if my life depended on it seriously.” 

“Even though I’ve just met you, sure.” Wonwoo said, tapping his cheeks. He couldn’t believe he actually agreed to Mingyu’s request. Despite being anxious, however, everything now seemed to flow out from his consciousness, smoothly as if he were talking to someone who made him feel safe.

“It’s what I hope will propel me to philosopher status, and hopefully I’ll earn a good income.” Wonwoo began. “Once I’m financially independent, and this will be when I’m twenty-three preferably, I would have already found someone who would propose to me. And then….” he breathed, preparing to rapidly sputter everything out. “We’ll have many children, and live in a house on a meadow. Of course, if I’m well-off enough, I’ll buy a little New York City condo to visit friends or interact with other New York intellectuals. But that’s only if I’m a good enough thinker. I didn’t want you to think I was bragging.” Wonwoo said. almost shyly. 

“Damn, most people wait to get married when they’re thirty. I’m sure you thought about how you’re gonna have a career and a family at the same time. I wouldn’t bet on you not being able to. I think balancing two parts of your life would make you a stronger person, plus more experienced. But please, don’t grow up to be one of those old guys in the humanities department.” Mingyu smiled, watching Wonwoo as if he were rooting for the shorter’s success. Mingyu felt as though he were in the presence of someone preparing to make their first steps out of their father’s shadow. And he wanted to be there to hold Wonwoo’s hand.

“I just want to get married and have children, really fast. You look at the hoi polloi, prancing around and preaching that young people must go to college, make money, and THEN have children. What they advocate is preposterous! ‘That only working-class people wait to go to college until after they have children’. I think working-class people make excellent parents because young people have so much energy. Meanwhile, you see the elitists becoming professors, lawyers, and doctors, and then only have one child who grows up to be a megalomaniac-sinister-mastermind! They break their backs as they try to play around with their children, constantly trying to entertain them and appease them. And don’t get me started. The point of parenting is to bring up a child who is tolerable and nice to be around, not this emphasis on spawning creativity and self-expression. Good God! Sorry, I don’t want my child growing up to be another Vincent Van Gogh and cut off his ear.” Wonwoo huffed. “I had to get that off my chest. It’s what’s wrong with how we are brought up!’

“I think you just described yourself Wonu. I took psychology senior year, it’s called projection.” 

“Please, you’d hope I wasn’t self-projecting! Imagine if I were a villain.” Wonwoo laughed evilly. “To conclude what I was saying, I could care less about my youth. There's nothing in it that’s really meaningful to me. I adore my friendships, but they just aren’t mature and developed enough for my tastes. I can’t get through a conversation without someone interrupting me to take a selfie.” Wonwoo added, his expression dissatisfied.

“I can see why you’d have that problem.” Mingyu chided.

“Well, I’m not actually here so you won’t get the pleasure of insulting me.” Wonwoo scoffed, turning his head in disdain. “But yes, I’ll let them off easy. I have to hand it to them, they at least listen to a couple of minutes of my monologues.” 

“I could listen to you forever.” Mingyu exhaled, watching Wonwoo’s eyes dart from side to side as he grew more self-conscious under Mingyu’s gaze. He had been wildly gesturing, flailing his arms in exasperation until he heard Mingyu’s voice from under his breath. 

“Oh really?” Wonwoo stopped, his lips curving slowly. Now that Mingyu had exposed himself, he held the upper hand. Of course, it took a moment to process what Mingyu had said, but his mind was able to gradually decelerate.

“Shit, did I say that out loud?” Mingyu asked, rising to an alert posture. 

“Yes but I’m flattered.” he assured him. “That reminds me of something that you said, something about a friend for life...” Wonwoo paused. “Anyone who can listen to me without wanting me to shut up, is a friend for life.” Wonwoo giggled.

“Well then, since we’re gonna be stuck with each other forever, you have to eat more, you’re really thin.” Mingyu said, grabbing his wrist as he always likes to. His hands traced over Wonwoo’s bones. Mingyu laughed. “You’re really bony, you should be mindful.”

“But I already ate.” Wonwoo replied. “Although... I’m still kind of hungry, you’re right.”

“How can you be hungry after eating? Eat!” Mingyu shouted, sliding a plate of more pizza over to his side of the table. 

Wonwoo started laughing as his mouth was full, trying to gobble the food down. The sight reminded Mingyu of his own love of eating.

“I think we have a lot of things in common. I’m glad you took my seat.” Mingyu said, looking at Wonwoo sweetly and sincerely. “On that note, I want to have a big family too, and make a lot of money to take care of my wife and the kids. I’ll buy a giant house and have it fitted with everything my wife could want.” Mingyu said, resting his head on his arms as he sat back against the booth. 

“Wife?” Wonwoo whispered to himself, his voice broken. “I thought S.Coups said you were open to anyone?” Wonwoo asked, trying to fake a confused smile.

“I’m open to being friends with anyone.” Mingyu snickered, yet something in him had sunk at the sight of Wonwoo’s darkening eyes. “Don’t look so depressed Wonu, I could like a guy and I could call him my wifey. There.” Mingyu laughed, burying his head in his arms as he banged the table. “Don’t worry, I won’t discriminate. Hope that doesn’t make you go gay-crazy.” 

“If you were actually funny I could forgive you” Wonwoo said, sending Mingyu a death glare.

“You’ll have enough time to.” Mingyu replied. “I really wanna start a family early. I'm aiming for my plan to work out so I can score a date. And then things will move on from there.”

“Just remember to wait for marriage. So I can rest in peace knowing my friend remained pure” Wonwoo smiled. At least if Mingyu was going to do it with someone else, he’d do it right. He shuddered at the thought. It was repulsive to Wonwoo, yet something else had coursed through him. The back of his head threatened to coerce him into telling Mingyu before it was too late.


	7. Discourses: part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu's got a foot in the door to Wonwoo's heart : ) so hopefully Wonwoo can rethink his whole philosophy and just surrender to him. Perhaps Wonwoo can finally enjoy the roller coaster ride instead of dreading what happens once he reaches the top. And hopefully Mingyu is there to save him! Love your comments and thank you for staying hooked on the book, hehe.

“Wait til marriage? You seem to know what’s up. Are you religious or something?” Mingyu asked, surprised.

“I’m Christian to be exact, but I have an appreciation for all religions. I think society has suffered from the loss of the Church’s influence.”

“I’ve never really considered religion as something I’d base my lifestyle on. I always thought of myself as going with the flow.” Mingyu admitted.

“Sometimes I wish I thought like you, but I’m into philosophy after all. And everyone needs a philosophy. I’ll show you.” Wonwoo began, unfolding an unused napkin and taking out a pen from his backpack. “Philosophy has three major branches.” He started, drawing a bubble and three lines extending out from it. “Metaphysics deals with the nature of reality; whether it is objective or not, or even if it exists.” Wonwoo giggled. “Epistemology concerns what constitutes knowledge, and how it can be validated. Lastly, Ethics deals with morality. Now, metaphysics tells you man’s relationship to reality, epistemology, how man knows, and ethics, how man should live his life.” Wonwoo finished. By this time, his napkin had been desecrated with scribbles and marks.

“I know I said I’d listen to you, but I don’t think I got all that.” Mingyu laughed, ruffling his hair.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you all about what I believe in per se, but I get my morals from the Bible. Of course, I haven’t accepted them out of blind faith, but I’ve been able to rationalize them. Not everything from the Bible makes it through, but I am fundamentally a Christian. I suppose without believing in God, or something at least, life seems to be unbearable. I can’t really say that life is all about finding happiness. I’m somewhat of an existentialist, meaning I hold that one must find the meaning in the suffering of life. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think life is all about suffering either, it's what minimizes the suffering that really counts. I think maintaining one’s integrity is the most important thing. Because when you have integrity, you can finally feel content with yourself, that you stuck to your principles, no matter what happens.”

“I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do then. Gee Wonu, you know how to make a guy feel empty inside.” Mingyu said, nudging him from across the table. “I’m talking about my brain. Don't worry, I think my heart's fine.” 

“I wouldn’t want you to put yourself down.” Wonwoo said with a face full of concern. “I just think my struggle came early where I had a conflict of values. I think we’re all headed in that direction, it’s a result of growing. But that reminds me, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of him, but his name was Friedrich Nietzsche and he was a German philosopher who died in 1900. He was the one who predicted that the twentieth century would see millions of people’s deaths and countless atrocities. He perceived the fall of Christianity as leaving a vacuum that needed to be filled, and that the values fueling nationalism would fill that vacuum. He was right, because the next thing people knew, Hitler rose to power, along with Mousillini and Stalin, all riding the wave of nationalism, fascism, and communism. They were all life-denying ideologies, which is what Nietzsche called Christianity as well. They denied life because they made the individual’s life worth nothing, less than dirt, sacrificing their lives for the so-called good of the State. There had been nothing to replace the values of Christianity, thus the valueless void led to bloodshed. That’s why I oppose this sort of secular humanisms, particularly the atheist Christopher Hitchens’s kind. It trashes religion but proposes nothing in its stead.  
Anyhow, Nietzsche had proposed a plan for when Christianity had finally fallen, calling for the dismissal of sympathy, compassion, and pity as our primary values. He believed those things encouraged people to stay on the ground after being knocked down, that they made being meek and lowly a virtuous thing to be. He said that a revaluation of that sort, or the utter removal of those values from our belief system, would result in psychological damage considering how instinctual they are for us. That reminded me of the Old Testament story where a man named Jacob was on his way towards Canaan. He had been camping out on the bank of a river when he encountered a man who wrestled him for the whole night. This man represented God it seemed so no wonder Jacob emerged from the fight damaged. I thought this was a suitable metaphor for my struggle with God. Interestingly enough, the country Israel means “struggle with God” in Hebrew. I called my personal conflict a struggle since I hesitated to accept believing in God on the grounds of faith and not reason. I don’t think I was psychologically damaged, but I had to lose a couple things to truly believe. But since I’m only 18, I don’t think reality is done with me yet.” Wonwoo chuckled.

“You talk about values so much. I admire that, but I gotta say, we’re on two different levels. I just go with my gut on things. But if I could really put a finger on what I believe in, I’d say I’d just do what I feel is right.”

“I think that’s the worst thing you could do!” Wonwoo said, his facial expression blowing up. “Since I believe that reality is objective, meaning things exist independently of what we perceive, it follows that there are objective and knowable values that really exist out there in the external world. I disagree with the idea that morality is only about how you feel, or what society thinks. I reject that notion emphatically! People have it all wrong, we can know what is right and what is wrong through our own reason and intellect. From that foundation, we establish universal principles that are unaffected by situations or circumstances. It wouldn’t matter if it was a pack of gum or a drug that I needed to survive, I wouldn’t steal because stealing is wrong.” 

“I think religion beat that into you.” Mingyu chuckled, causing Wonwoo’s brows to lower and his lips to straighten

“Oh my God no! I’m the only person in my family who actually believes in principles. That’s why my father’s business has become so corrupt. Even the employees would sell their souls just to keep their jobs. They act as if no one’s watching their every move.” Wonwoo complained, but his voice grew calmer and his tone was serious yet held an element of disappointment.

“But what if, let’s say you’re family was starving, and you could just steal some bread from the baker.” Mingyu asked, already having convinced himself he would steal the bread. Yet Wonwoo met him head-on with even more confidence and assertiveness.

“You must think in terms of principle! If it is a principle that one shall not steal, then you apply that to the situation, and deduce that stealing bread violates that principle. I see where you might pick up on the religious influence, so I’ll go articulate it in different terms. From an Enlightenment-era philosophical perspective, man has a right to his own property, thus it would be infringing on man’s right if one were to steal his property or the bread in this situation. You see, when you think in terms of principle, everything becomes clear. Reason is how you establish these rules, and it is stronger than your gut which causes confusion and sporadic feelings. I think I’ve proved my case. I’ll concede however, that only God knows whether we are truly wrong or right. But that doesn’t mean we still can’t aim for a home run.” Wonwoo smiled.

“You really believe in God with all your heart huh?” Mingyu asked, eyes falling upon his with gentleness, as if the beautiful figure in front of him was all but a dream. “I don’t know how to put this, but now I’m worried about you. All of this thinking and holding yourself up to all these standards must take a toll on you. I mean, we can’t all be perfect.”

“I think you’re absolutely right about not being perfect, but the standards that I hold myself to are my own, accepted by my own reason. And with this heavy burden, I hope that I’m following in Christ’s footsteps, even if I haven’t suffered like he has, I still hope to have done something. I could never do something just because it made me feel good, or because I was comfortable with it. I think there’s something divine in our suffering though, whether you’re aware or not aware. You could be a drunkard caught up in the bliss of sensual pleasures, never having crossed into the realm of conceptual higher-level thinking. But yet even though they are unaware of their own darkness, they continue to suffer as they try to escape it with drinks and pills, like animals running away from the winter.”

“Okay, you’re probably gonna hate me for this, but I’ve gotten drunk a few times.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly “C’mon I’m a teenager! Don’t give me those cat eyes Wonu!” Mingyu shouted, reaching over the table once again and tickling him this time. 

“Wait I’m not done with my monologue!” Wonwoo cried as he rolled himself up into a ball as Mingyu’s fingers poked at his sides. The taller got up from his seat and walked over to the other side, squeezing in next to Wonu. 

“Ahhh now I have a better view.” Mingyu said, licking his lips and smirking. He even dared to extend his arm over Wonwoo’s shoulders, bringing the shorter back against the booth. “Now you can relax more.” Mingyu said, encouraging Wonwoo to lean his head against his bicep.

Wonwoo yawned, growing tired after eating a large lunch. “You’re gonna make me fall asleep, Gyu.” he said exhaling. “Hmm, comfy.” he added, shimmying his back into the cushioned wall behind him and leaning his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Yo, I didn’t switch your grape juice with wine.” Mingyu said, tilting his mouth down against Wonwoo’s ear. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I could ask you the same thing. And I know you well enough from these two days to know you wouldn’t do that. You’re just really warm and cozy, like an airplane restroom.” Wonwoo grinned.

“That’s where I really wanna do it.” Mingyu said, breath hot against the shorter’s ear. “Ow! What was that for?” he whined as Wonwoo pinched his arm.

“You’re a degenerate.” Wonwoo said, baring his teeth.

“I’m not a perfect Christian like you are. I don’t even know what to believe. All I know is that I want to hear your voice again, and maybe then I’ll fall asleep too.” the taller said, closing his eyes as he breathed in the scent of Wonwoo’s fruity shampoo. 

“I hope that was a compliment, for your sake.” the other warned.

“It was, I could never insult you to your beautiful face.” Mingyu told him, now making close eye contact with the boy next to him. He saw a blush creeping onto Wonwoo’s cheeks, but his attention was drawn back to his eyes as Wonwoo whipped his head forward. “So you’re really a Christian, one-hundred percent?” he added. 

“In truth, there was only one Christian, and he died on the cross. I think it’s bold and impudent to tout oneself as a Christian as if one could ever perfectly live as Christ had lived. I can’t say with pride that I’m a believer in God, because I’ve fallen from grace many times. I’ve wanted to be horrible to people, to make people suffer whom I thought deserved to suffer, and I’ve wanted to be with people that I’m forbidden from being with. But so far as I’ve acted, I act as I believe in God. Even if I sin, I feel as though only one man’s eyes have fallen on me. Never mind society or one’s family, only God matters to me. And although I sin, I beg for forgiveness, and I pray for the strength to get up and start over. I suppose it’s like smoking…” Wonwoo laughed. “You quit for a couple weeks and then get right back to smoking. But you’re never just supposed to think ‘oh well I’ll just go back to smoking’. You’re supposed to start over again.” Wonwoo smiled lightly. “As long as I don’t give up and stop looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel, I think I’ll be fine. I know I won't be euphoric, but I won’t be miserable, I’ll be content with how I lived.”

“I hope you still shoot for the stars and that all your dreams come true.” Mingyu said, wiggling his eyes. “You can’t give up having fun!” 

“I know.” Wonwoo smiled.

“That reminds me. Not only are you coming to cheer for me Saturday, but you're also coming to the party afterwards.” 

“I’d have to decline. I don't want to see you in a drunken state if that’s how you guys get.” Wonwoo snickered. He wasn’t all disappointed about refusing to go. He wanted to preserve the image of Mingyu being sweet and innocent, although what the latter sometimes said made him seem otherwise.

“C’mon Wonu. Besides, everyone would want to see you. I hear a lot of people talk about how cool you are. It would be an epic let down if you didn’t go.” Mingyu said, bringing Wonwoo’s shoulder in front of his chest as he rocked him.

“Maybe Minghao and Jun can abduct me and bring me there against my will. Then I’ll stay.” 

“Alright you have three days to think about it. I’ll tell the guys to keep it PG, but at midnight I can’t make any promises.” 

“Okay, then I want you to drive me home then before midnight.” Wonwoo said, wearing a cunning smile on his face.

“Can I crash at your place then? And hey! You can introduce me to your dad.” Mingyu said excitedly, eyes lighting up.

“Sure but I live on my own, unfortunately.” Wonwoo said with sarcasm. “And if my dad met you at 12:00 a.m. he’d think you were a hookup and shoot you.” he burst out laughing.

“I’m not that bad.” Mingyu whined. “I’m waiting for the right one too.” 

“I hope so.” Wonwoo said, putting his hands together and praying.

“I’m into guns too, so me and your dad already have something in common. And I’ll shoot anyone dangerous who comes near you myself. I wouldn’t bring you to a bad place Wonu. Trust me. And I’ll make sure Wonho and Changkyun don’t show their faces. If they do. I’ll bash their heads in.” the taller said, gritting his teeth as something bestial flickered across his eyes.

“Fine, I surrender! Just don’t make fun of me if I arrive over-dressed.” Wonwoo said, looking up at Mingyu with a threatening glare. 

“Arrive? I’ll pick you up.” Mingyu said, getting up and stretching. 

“Wow Mingyu, I was right when I said you were a gentleman. Your personality is like a gem-encrusted glove covering a granite fist.” Wonwoo said, hiccuping at his description. 

“You’re seeing the gem-encrusted side of me now Wonu, and you’re treading on the border.” Mingyu smirked, leaning closer to the shorter as he got up from the booth as well.

“That’s all I want to see, at least, try to keep it that way.” Wonwoo smiled. 

“I’ll do it for you but you’d probably have to run and get S.Coups and Jun to hold me back if one of those scumbags have a death wish and show up.” 

“I’ll pray that they don’t, for their sake of course.” Wonwoo said as they got outside. The evening air whistled in his ear as it brushed past him, causing his body to shake. 

“Wonwoo you’re freezing, why didn’t you wear something heavier? You know how cold it gets next to the ocean at night?” Mingyu said, opening the back seat door of his car as if he were scrambling for a first aid kit. 

“I don’t like how some coats ruin my figure.” Wonwoo complained.

“Here, wear this.” Mingyu said, holding out a leather jacket.

“Okay, you’re not helping me in thinking you’re not a delinquent. After what you’ve been through today.” 

“Just shut up and wear it. I think you look good in it.” 

Wonwoo blushed, diverting his eyes towards the zipper which he adjusted. 

“You mean, it looks good on me?” Wonwoo replied as if correcting the other.

“Get in the car.” Mingyu replied, rolling his eyes. 

Wonwoo pouted, thinking Mingyu had stopped holding the door open for him until the taller rushed around the hood and allayed his fears.

“Thanks.” Wonwoo smiled. “Bad boy.” 

“You haven’t seen nothing yet.” Mingyu grinned, shaking his head. He got into the driver's side and started the truck. 

“Why, do you have a motorcycle?” Wonwoo teased.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” Mingyu said, winking. “Sorry, it’s just kinda hot in here with the heat on.” Mingyu said, flapping his shirt obnoxiously. Wonwoo had caught a glimpse of the side of Mingyu’s torso, spotting a tattoo. 

“You have a tattoo?” Wonwoo asked, eyes widening slightly. 

“Yeah, what of it?” Mingyu replied, playing dumb.

“Gosh darn it Mingyu, I could faint because of how pure and innocent I am. But I won't because I don’t want your dirty hands on me since you’d have to carry me.” Wonwoo said dramatically as he rested the top of his hand on his forehead. “How could we ever be friends?”

“Well, since I saved you I think you’re bound to me.” Mingyu smirked.

“I suppose I could go along for the ride.” Wonwoo smiled playfully, touching his lips with his fingers as he thought. 

Mingyu’s truck drove off in the night, having made the pair’s first sweet memory together.


	8. Artwork Integral to the Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is just some artwork that I really admire and wanted to share with you. It belongs to the school of Romanticism which is my favorite style. I'm trying to write the story in a way that reflects the emotion and vibrancy in these paintings. A picture is worth a thousand words and I think artists can sometimes express things better than writers.

I was so inspired by The Fountainhead’s storyline and its underlying philosophy. It is both a book and a movie (1949). This is what I imagine Mr. Jeon’s office to be overlooking NYC. I enjoy stories that include powerful men, such as those that are corrupt who contend with the pure and heroic men in deciding the fate of one’s own life. I hold the view that good and evil truly do exist, and that they are both bright as day that it is impossible not to see it.

The Head of a Corsican Boy by John William Waterhouse

This painting reminds me of Wonwoo’s own natural beauty. His gaze and the tilt of his head is how I envision Wonwoo’s exterior to be when he’s engaged in business or interacting with strangers. This also represents Wonwoo’s youth and appeal to masculine men like Mingyu and Jaehyun, and his father’s business associates… That will unravel later in the story.

Circe Invidiosa by John William Waterhouse

Her expression reminds me of Wonwoo eating the flower at MAMA 2019 HAHA. This painting represents contempt and indignation and I think it pairs well with Wonwoo’s perception of his father. Also, Circe’s glare is what I imagine to be Wonwoo’s whenever he holds a serious discussion with the other characters.

The Philosopher by Hazel Morgan

This painting perfectly matches what I have ascribed to Wonwoo when he is thinking deeply, and carrying a heavy burden. This painting was produced when Morgan was experiencing a struggle in her life which interestingly enough is what Wonwoo is facing in the story.

Circe Offering the Cup to Ulysses

This just gives me Wonwoo vibes in this story.


	9. Symposium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put flirting and serious conversation in the same chapter, oh well! You may need an urban dictionary for somethings HAHAHA. And somethings may be cringey but that's because it's Wonwoo's jokes. HAHA I love his humor in real life though.

“Since you told me that I should gain more weight, let’s get froyo.” Wonwoo smiled, eyebrows perking and cheeks tightening. He pointed towards the small frozen yogurt place coming up on the road. Mingyu smiled cooly as he saw how delighted the other was at the prospect of getting frozen yogurt.

“I was just kidding. But your proposal has been accepted.” Mingyu replied, reaching to his right side to hook his arm around Wonwoo’s. 

“I’m now beginning to wonder what you’re gonna be like on a sugar rush.” Wonwoo said, dreading the image.

“I’ll just get it sugar-free.” 

“Yeah, so instead you can eat the froyo with artificial hormones and turn into a mutant? No thanks.”

“I don’t think it would make much of a difference.” the taller said, rolling up his sleeve and flexing his bicep. 

“Save it for Saturday, you got to entertain those cheerleaders somehow.” Wonwoo remarked, turning his head to look out the window.

“I guess I could say I’m saving it for someone.” 

The truck pulled into the parking lot, and the two jumped out with Wonwoo waddling towards the entrance. 

“Wait up, I can’t be seen not getting the door for you. It’s not proper!” Mingyu cried. His longer legs propelled him forward, grabbing Wonwoo’s waist as he held him back from the door.

“Why? We aren’t dating.” Wonwoo replied, feigning indifference.

“Oh right.” Mingyu quickly quipped, retracting the message. Once they took in the place’s decor, it was almost hard not to think that they weren’t dating. C’mon, he thought. With two guys walking in attached to each other, getting frozen yogurt together in a place that looked as though a unicorn had thrown up on the walls, it was impossible to refute that they weren’t together. Even the color of the cups, the toppings, and the furniture made the place look like a test kitchen for Easy-Bake ovens. 

“If you’re gonna get froyo you might as well get a large. It’s on me.”

“Mingyu.” the other sighed. “You already paid for the pizza, and the tip.”

“You can’t pay for it, it’s not proper either.” Mingyu smirked, throwing what Wonwoo had said in the garbage. He enjoyed acting as if they were on a date, perhaps just as much Wonwoo acted as if God existed. Well, it would take rigorous education and explaining to make Mingyu believe.

“I want to treat you right.”

“But you already had to suffer through me talking. And you’re not made of money.” Wonwoo exclaimed.

“I worked in the summer, and do you think I go unpaid as a college football player. I got a check in advance, and don’t worry, it’s legal at our school.” the taller smiled, placing his arm on Wonwoo’s back as assurance.

“Fine, but I’ll get you back for it.”

“You mean pay me back?”

“Sure, that’s one way to put it.” Wonwoo giggled.

“Let’s make a deal then so you can feel better. Since I’m paying for you, I want a taste of yours.” Mingyu smirked.

Wonwoo scoffed, face contorting into a disgusted expression as if Mingyu had just committed a heinous crime.

“If you didn’t look at me as if you wanted to taste something else, then maybe I’d consider. But I know you’re incapable of asking in any other way, so I may as well concede right now. Deal.” Wonwoo said, looking as if he were done with Mingyu’s antics.

“Woah Wonu, don’t get ahead of yourself. Can’t just assume things.” Mingyu said disapprovingly, shaking his head as he went to fill his cup.

“I think you just need some head for yourself, then maybe you wouldn’t smile like you wanted to get in someone’s pants.” Wonwoo chuckled, covering his mouth in shock of his own wittiness. “You see what I did there, or did it just go in one ear and stay there. Haha, you look paralyzed.” Wonwoo wheezed, struggling not to cause a scene.

“Dang, I didn’t know the philosopher-in-the-making was so dirty. You gonna confess your sins after this? Because I’m sure your Bible study friends would faint like virgins. Oh shit I forgot, they are virgins.” Mingyu said, stepping towards Wonwoo and clutching both sides of the zipper lining as he leaned in dying of laughter. He had missed Wonwoo’s lips as he bent down and stepped forward. 

“Okay, virgins faint but dickhead’s get their blocks knocked off.” Wonwoo warned, glaring coldly into Mingyu’s squinting eyes. 

“Didn’t know you guys were so violent either.” Mingyu added.

“You didn’t know a lot of things until I decided to talk to you.” Wonwoo replied, smirking as he brushed past Mingyu to where the taller had gotten his favorite flavor. “With every word that comes out of my mouth a brain cell is created for you.”

“I figured I would be a genius then since you never shut up.” Mingyu snickered, but the hairs on the back of his neck stood up instantaneously as Wonwoo gave him an evil eye. “I’m just joking hyung, I told you I like listening to you speak. You have a voice that soothes everyone, even when you're angry.” 

Mingyu latched on to the sides of Wonwoo’s waist and rocked the shorter side to side as he laughed in his ear. He desperately wanted to nuzzle Wonwoo’s neck.

Wonwoo broke out in muffled laughter, hmm-hmming as he tried to get the froyo out of the machine. “I can’t believe you like mint chocolate-chip. Mint does not deserve to be in the same name as chocolate and chip, two very respectable foods, unlike mint.”

“On the offensive much Wonu? Whose been pressing your buttons?”

“You are, right now.” Wonwoo muttered, smirking as he felt Mingyu’s hands stop on his hips.

“Well, I’d like to know the off button.”

“Just don’t press my buttons then.” Wonwoo said, turning around to laugh with Mingyu as if it were the most obvious thing.

“Shoot, I should have put toppings on before the yogurt. It always spills all over the place.” Wonwoo cursed.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll handle it. Go sit your pretty butt down somewhere and I’ll find you.” Mingyu told him, slapping Wonwoo’s ass before reaching for his wallet.

“Rude.” Wonwoo sang as he rolled his eyes. Although really he hid his flustered face from Mingyu’s view, pretending to scan for a table. “But thanks for offering, I like brownie bites, chocolate morsels, hershey's syrup, and crushed oreos.”

“You’re weird hyung.” Mingyu grimaced. “And morsels? Are you from the 1800s or something?” 

“No, I just think you’ve been living under a rock if you’ve never made cookies before. If you did maybe you would know they are called chocolate morsels. But I like 1800s philosophy.” Wonwoo said, head bobbing as he held back the sound of his laugh. Mingyu looked at Wonwoo, expecting the latter to be grateful for laughing at his terrible jokes.

“Maybe I can have some of your cookie~z then?” Mingyu snickered.

“Why how d-.” Wonwoo gasped. “I listen to Nicki Minaj! Just because I wear glasses sometimes doesn’t mean I’m uncultured. I know what ‘cookie’ means dumbass.” he added, slightly appalled but amused.

“Just kidding, no homo.” Mingyu shook his head, gently pushing Wonwoo towards the sitting area as he got in line.

Within a few minutes, Mingyu arrived at their table, handing Wonwoo a large cup of chocolate froyo for Wonwoo and a dab of mint chocolate chip which he opted to try.

“Alright, you want a taste?” Wonwoo asked, staring at him with his chin tilted down and eyes angled up towards him. Wonwoo’s body language certainly affirmed his submissiveness, Mingyu thought.

The taller’s jaw went slack as he looked at Wonwoo as if he had gone insane.

“Wh-what?” 

“You said you wanted a taste of mine.” Wonwoo answered, holding up his cup.

“Ohhh.” Mingyu nodded before realizing how wrong he had been in assuming what Wonwoo meant. Then the blood rushed to his face. 

“You have a dir-tee mind Gyu.” Wonwoo said, closing his eyes as if he were angry. 

“Here, I don’t want slobber all over it though. You remind me so much of a dog.” the shorter added like he had made a ground-breaking discovery.

“Hey, that's what coach calls me.” Mingyu laughed, leaning forward so Wonwoo could feed him with the spoon. Since there were toppings and oreo crumbs in it, the latter held the spoon over his cup. Before Mingyu could take a bite, Wonwoo removed the spoon away from the other’s mouth, and raised his arm, smudging Mingyu’s face with frozen cold yogurt.

“What the f-” Mingyu said, cringing at the feel of it. “Anyone who dates you is in for a rude awakening.” he muttered as he wiped his face

“I think my arm spasmed, it happens when I get cold.” Wonwoo replied slyly. 

“Rude and dishonest? You’re a double whammy.” the taller smirked.

“Trust me...” Wonwoo said, dragging the words out. “There are men out there that would adore my personality. I bet you would miss my rude remarks if I left.”

“I’ll give you that. You’re the only one who can contend with me. S.Coups has some killers once in a while, but you pop out insults like a sniper.” Mingyu said, imitating a sharpshooter with his hands and making shooting sounds.

“I think it’s something I picked up. When you live with my father, you have a lot of material to work with.” Wonwoo grinned.

“Eh-hem.” Someone coughed, and the pair suddenly realized that a man was standing next to their table.

“Wonwoo, Mr. Jeon would like to see you, immediately.” the man said callously and without regard for their hangout.

“Is it possible to postpone it for tomorrow? I was enjoying my time with a friend. We were having a deep conversation.” Wonwoo said politely, yet his soft voice could not mask his coldness.

“I’m afraid that is not possible sir. Forgive me for making it sound as though it were a request. It was actually an order. He prepared me for this situation explicitly. No matter how reserved and mysterious your personality may seem to Mr. Jeon, he has certainly shown you to be predictable. Do you really think, Wonwoo, that I’d believe you were just in a deep discussion? Let me guess, you were talking philosophy or some other abstract and useless subject? For heaven’s sake, there’s ice cream on your friend’s nose.”

“Alright, you’ve made your point. But it’s pitiful that a grown man like you has to be prepared to handle such a child like myself - that’s how he’s always thought of me. I guess you do really fit the job description as one of my father’s dogs.” Wonwoo spat. His narrowing eyes could have pierced even the soul of a Saint. Mingyu watched with concern as Wonwoo’s face morphed dramatically. 

“Just because you may live apart from Mr. Jeon doesn’t mean you are not still indebted to him. Your forked tongue can try and spear my pride as much as you want it to, but it won’t change reality. But that is beside the point. The limo is waiting outside sir.” the man said mockingly.

“It’s fine, I’ll take him. Right after you tell me what the hell Wonwoo’s father wants with him.” Mingyu demanded, voice seething with anger. He had been ready to interject and put the guy in his place for insulting Wonwoo, yet he realized that being silent for the moment would enlighten him on their situation.

“I’m bound by the rules of confidentiality. Thus, I am unable to disclose that information. Plus I wouldn’t want to.” the man grimaced.

“It’s just matters of business, don't worry Gyu.” Wonwoo looked at the taller pleadingly, and it was the first time that the latter had seen such emotion in his eyes.

“We’ll be on our way, good day.” Wonwoo said sharply, harshly gesturing for the man to leave them.

“Thank you for driving me. I actually feel more comfortable now.” the shorter said, looking up at Mingyu with relief and gratitude. He wanted to hug the man but kept his arms by his side.

The taller stared into Wonwoo’s eyes, and was about to tell him “anything for you.” but reminded himself that he couldn’t let the man from a minute ago off the hook so easily.

“Hey dick face! Don’t ever talk to my friend like that again or your jaw will be on the back of your f****n head!” 

“Mingyu! We are in public.” Wonwoo shouted, but tripped and fell towards Mingyu as he burst out in laughter. He had never experienced embarrassment and humor at the same time it seemed. He was too hysterical to notice that Mingyu was clutching both his wrists.

“Are you insane? That is one of my father’s deputy advisors. When I go to ask my father to hire you, he could protest my proposal!” Wonwoo hissed.

“What is one of your father’s advisors doing around you? Is he also a chauffeur or something?” Mingyu asked, more displeased than bewildered.

“No, my father sometimes has me do some work around the company. He keeps me on a loose leash most of the time. But sometimes he doesn’t mind yanking it, as you can tell. But don’t avoid my point, be caref- please, be careful next time.” Wonwoo said sincerely, mustering enough effort to be genuine and truly appear so.

“I don’t care about making it in the business if that’s how you're treated. I have dignity, and you have dignity. Isn’t that what you value?” Mingyu smiled softly, aching to caress Wonwoo’s cheek with his fingers, as if he were holding the shorter in his arms.

“Yes, ye-yes I do. I just don’t want them to get to you as they had gotten to everyone who was pure and had integrity. Anyone who speaks out of line gets blacklisted and their careers are destroyed. But if you just stay silent, your career will be lucrative and prosperous. That’s what I hope to see happen to you.” Wonwoo nodded. There was an element of fear twinkling in his eyes, and his cheeks and lips looked surprisingly strained.

“I think I got this, you even helped inspire me to think so. You think I’m not smart enough to play the system? I can tell you Wonwoo that I can take that job. But I can’t promise to keep quiet if I see something that I think is wrong.” the taller said with a firm expression. He felt as if he were assuring his wife that he’d be alright and that he'd be home soon. He laughed to himself at the thought. What he would give to be in that situation.

Wonwoo shook his head quickly, trying to deter Mingyu from making a rash decision. “Mr. Muller certainly ruined it all. If he hadn’t come, you wouldn’t have known about the dark side of the business. Curse him.” Wonwoo said as his teeth gritted.

“I’m not going to ask my father about a job for you, sorry. If you want to become a business intern you can try another employer. Or you can just forget about what happened and pledge to refrain from saying anything about Mr. Muller. He was just being bitter because my father chose one of my designs over his daughter’s who Mr. Muller had been lobbying for. Everything will be fine if you could just promise me to stay silent.” 

“No, I won’t do that. I’ve changed my mind about all of this now. I want this internship more than ever, especially if I get to see my friend.” Mingyu smiled sweetly. “We’ll become best friends if we start on that track. I’ll find some way to get in, and I want your blessing then.” Mingyu said, moving from Wonwoo's wrists and grabbing the shorter’s hands in his.

“Your potential career in business could be ruined, so yes, I’ll pray for you every night then. Though, I won't endorse your decision.” Wonwoo said. “I want to destroy your self-esteem now, so much so that it would deter you from applying for an internship. But I wouldn't do that to you. You’re too good. That is the only thing I need to know if I can ever have faith in something, someone.” Wonwoo whispered, diverting his eyes away from other. He looked as though he were experiencing an epiphany right before Mingyu’s eyes

“Perhaps that’s why I believe in God. Because he’s good.” Wonwoo chuckled faintly. He returned his attention to Mingyu again, caring to the repressed anger and obvious determination on the man’s face. “I believe you could do it and make a career out of business. I’m more certain just from being on the brunt end of your charm, than I am about football. You’d look better in a suit than a uniform.” he laughed. 

“But I’ll have to wait and see.” Wonwoo nodded, acknowledging his excitement for Saturday’s game. “Although I can’t say I agree, I’ll pray for you. I guess I’m helpless to do anything else. I can’t stop you from ruining your future.” 

Mingyu didn’t have any more words considering he was transfixed by Wonwoo’s dazzling eyes. Unlike the smoke that one sees coming from a person's ears when their gears are turning, Mingyu thought the glimmer in Wonwoo’s eyes showed a thousand light bulbs turning on in his mind. With someone as beautiful as Wonwoo, he could care less about anything else around him. Wonwoo’s mind was more beautiful than a mathematical solution, or a scientific theory. It was in itself a mystery, perhaps not meant to be solved but to be contemplated. It was as if Wonwoo belonged in a museum of fine arts, whose beauty inspired that very contemplation. 

Mingyu couldn’t be bothered to worry about his future in a practical or temporal sense. What were time and money anyways, Mingyu thought. Not only was Wonwoo his future, but he was everything. Wonwoo’s being encompassed the entirety of existence. It wasn’t even so that there was a beginning or end when he thought about eternity. When Mingyu said to himself that his new found love for the other was eternal, he meant that it was everything to him. 

“As long as you’re thinking of me, I’ll be fine.”


	10. Machinations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short prelude!

The drive to the Jeon Rodolfo headquarters was eerily silent considering that activity outside had died down. The lights of stores began to dim and the shoreline across the street had fallen pitch black. The limo that Mr. Jeon had sent to retrieve Wonwoo and was driving a few hundred meters in front of them. Since it was dark outside, and the vehicle was colored black, its ruby red lights were the only thing they could see. It made the whole thing more ominous and Mingyu wasn’t sure if he even wanted to drop Wonwoo off. 

“Don’t you think it’s weird that your father’s advisor knew where you were? I never saw you touch your phone once so I didn’t think you texted your father.”

“That usually happens when I don’t answer my phone or bother to tell him where I’m going. So he just reverts back to tracking my phone. I’m very elusive.” Wonwoo smiled. “But I was sure that he hadn’t made any effort to contact me first.”

Mingyu inhaled a breath, trying to process the information. “I can’t say it’s inherently bad that your father wants to know where you are.” he chuckled nervously, baring his teeth. “But why would he need to track you without calling you first? He’s gotta have some faith in his son to listen to him.” he added.

“That’s because he must have already known that I was with someone, and knew that I wouldn’t comply with his request unless he sent Mr. Muller.”

“That guy wasn’t even all that scary. And I don’t see you obeying someone like him. Sure you were polite at first but I bet if I weren’t there you would have gone off on him.” Mingyu laughed. “So what was the point in sending him?”

“I think you’ve already answered your own question. If you weren’t there, my father wouldn't have sent Mr. Muller. I suppose his mere presence was a warning to you to stay out of our affairs.” Wonwoo replied solemnly, but he shook his head and swept his negative thoughts away. “I guess I truly am predictable to my father. You’re right, I wouldn’t ever go off on someone like that in front of you.” the shorter giggled.

“Nah I don’t think so. I think you added that last part in there. I know you would let it rip on anyone. I think that guy really got to you” Mingyu said, grazing Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Okay, maybe I did. I just found it humorous that Mr. Muller would call me predictable. Anyhow, we’re here.” Wonwoo said. An expression of dread and sadness crossed his face. He would have rather slept in Mingyu’s truck than have to meet his father and then go home to an empty bed. That was, if he were going home tonight. He internally laughed, praising his imagination for its ability to conjure up ridiculous ideas.

“Wonu.” Mingyu called him, gazing through the passenger window as the shorter stood outside. A knowing smile appeared on the former’s face, yet the disappointment of letting the latter go was evident in how he looked at Wonwoo. It was as if Mingyu were going to propose to him with that look. 

“See ya tomorrow!” 

Wonwoo gaped, turning around to step over the curb of the sidewalk. “You had me on the edge there.” he admitted.

“I know.”

“I forgot, here’s your jacket.” Wonwoo offered, reaching up towards his shoulders. 

“No, keep it. Guys will know not to hit on you because they’ll think you're taken.” Mingyu winked.

“Possessive.” Wonwoo muttered bashfully, looking down as he switched hands to carry his backpack. “I like the cologne smell too.” 

“Oh? So you like me being possessive?” Mingyu arched his eyebrows, leaning closer to the passenger window.

“My mind slipped.” Wonwoo replied, looking at him with the most intimidating bitch face. Although, Mingyu doubted it took him much effort. The taller nodded his head mockingly, pretending to accept Wonwoo’s explanation.

“Thank you for everything today, I was glad to have escaped the clutches of my father for a short while. But of course, I wouldn’t think that our hangout was just a place to get away from things. Our hangout was truly worthwhile. It was a treasure in itself.” Wonwoo snickered, shy by his own confession of his emotions. “I’m glad I stole your seat.”

“I’m glad too.” Mingyu replied, nodding as he took in Wonwoo’s eminent and stunning figure in the entrance doorway. “Hope I don’t have to put more people on my list!”

“I’ll pray for them then! And I’ll pray that you won’t try anything sneaky with applying for a job here. I’ll even tell the security not to let you in.” Wonwoo laughed. “And if you ever did end up at a place like this, you’d be on my list.” the shorter warned playfully.

“Damn, feisty.” Mingyu smirked. “Now get inside, who knows what kind of psycho could be hanging around here.” 

“There’s one right in front of me.” Wonwoo teased, glancing at Mingyu for the last time before stepping into the tower’s entrance. Mingyu waited until he saw Wonwoo’s figure, draped in loose leather, disappear as he walked further away.

II

The building was somewhat quieter now that it was late in the evening. The lobby had lost its vibrancy and the elevators now operated by jumping from only two different floors instead of every level.

Wonwoo imagined the other man accompanying him as he went to ‘confront’ his father. He wanted to feel Mingyu’s protective arms, guarding his waist from the coldness of Mr. Jeon’s unimpressed and disappointed face. Perhaps that was the only reason he could provide as to why Wonwoo wanted Mingyu to have an internship at the office.

The executive office’s waiting area was vacant of any life besides the robotic typing of his father’s secretary. Usually, he liked to listen to the anxious tapping of the feet of the office's visitors as they waited to propose a business plan or present a model. The whole room smelled sterile, unlike how the perfume of desperate female entrepreneurs made it smell like. In nature, individuals relied on the sharpness of their own mind to survive and produce their own sustenance. But in this controlled environment, it was all a power game. 

Wonwoo could not say, however, that he was not guilty of using his good looks. He supposed that confession was supported by the hungry stare that the man who opened the door gave him. He was somewhat shorter, but he emanated confidence.

“Hello, is my father there?” he said, leaning one hand against the door as he stood in front of the man. Wonwoo’s stance was lax, highlighting the curvature of his torso and hips, which was rarely seen in the male physique.

“And who might you be? I don’t think Mr. Jeon has a delinquent son. I always heard about him being a pretty little innocent angel.” the other said. There was something wolfish about his expression.

“Well, you may be right in one respect. I am not an angel. I would rather call myself a gargoyle.” Wonwoo laughed, using his soothing voice to distract the man as he eased into the room.

“Jackson! You can let him in.” Mr. Jeon called from his desk across the expansive room.

“I must say Mr. Jeon, your son deserves to be in a portrait on your wall. But I can see why you haven’t done so, any one of your clients wouldn’t be able to pay attention to you if they saw this stunning beauty.” Jackson smiled, baring his teeth only slightly as to tease Wonwoo. 

Mr. Jeon’s laugh sounded as though he was proud of the man named Jackson’s humor. It was as if they had already bonded like father and son-in-law. Yet he did not want to turn Jaehyun into a contestant for Wonwoo’s love. It was not that the little boy’s heart concerned him, rather, it was the proprietary and financial security that was at stake for him. Since Jackson was approaching 30 years of age, and considering that Jaehyun was young and desperate for love, it was beneficial to keep Jackson in reserve in case something went wrong between Jaehyun and Wonwoo. Jaehyun, of course, came from an affluent family whose architectural firm was overseas in Gangnam, but Jackson had more potential in managing the Jeon Rodolfo company on his own if Wonwoo decided to defect from his ‘duties’. If Jaehyun were to marry his son, he would need to have made sure that the boy had been adequately apprenticed under him. Furthermore, he doubted that Jackson had anything going for him now since the man had grown skeptical about every potential love interest. Considering that the man was a CEO himself who was a promising candidate to be the heir to the fashion company, it came as no surprise to him that Wang did not want to marry down the latter. His son Wonwoo couldn’t care less about money and status, even when he was near the top of that ladder. That was a quality in demand from wealthy men. Even Mr. Jeon had ‘sacrificed’ his true love in exchange for a woman who played on the same field as him.

“Even I would get distracted if he were not my son.” Mr Jeon chuckled. “Wonwoo, this is Mr. Wang, Mr. Wang, Wonwoo.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Wonwoo started, eager to get the whole thing over with. The younger’s eyes told Jackson that he was not interested but the man didn’t seem to get the message. Through the glint in his eyes, Wonwoo could tell that Jackson was a man of sensual pleasure. Rather than admire a true work of art, such as a portrait of himself -not to boast, of course, Mr. Wang just wanted to get off from visuals.  
“You wanted to see me.” Wonwoo said, not bothering to make eye contact with Mr. Jeon as he took his seat. Wonwoo’s statement sounded as though he was reminding his father rather than a question. Meanwhile, Jackson withdrew to the other side of the office, studying the world map which was displayed on the wall. 

“Yes, I know you were already occupied but I thought this was more important. I hope you did not give Mr. Muller any trouble.” Mr. Jeon said with a grim expression on his face.

“I only dished out what he gave me.” Wonwoo replied nonchalantly.

“We can hold a hearing for that matter later.” Mr. Jeon said mockingly. “Right now, I wanted to give you these papers. They are all of the information and details about the first member of the clothing line we plan to sell. I need you to gather the estimates for the cost of its production, secure a date for its durability testing, and an estimate for the time it would take to be manufactured. Don’t worry, we will work on your negotiation skills and your conceptualization of pricing on another day. But this is all I ask.” 

“Sounds fun.” Wonwoo quipped. He had never been both simple and sarcastic at the same time before. It must have been Mingyu rubbing off on him, he thought.

“It will be at that new French restaurant on the corner of Oriental Boulevard and Seacoast Terrace. ‘Gas Lamp’ I believe it’s called. You’ll be meeting four other men including the settlement officer’s son. He thought it was a good idea to get him the experience as well.”

“I see. Do you know his name?”

“I’m sorry. I had it on the tip of my tongue.”

“Well, I’ll know when I meet him then.” Wonwoo said, already speculating whether the boy was a fellow student at his school. Most likely, he thought, since the boy’s family was exchanged in business with his father.

“It’s settled then. You will be going there after school at six o’clock.”

“Yes, father. I’m looking forward to making a new friend.” Wonwoo grinned, dragging out the words in a serpentine-like voice as he gazed towards Jackson. “Anything to advance the interests of the company.”

“I’ve always admired your attitude, Wonwoo.” Mr. Jeon smiled, although his gaze reminded his son of what Mr. Muller called him. It was as if Mr. Jeon had detected the mockery in his voice and the ridiculous lies he told. They were so much so that Wonwoo’s false interest in his father’s affairs was an obvious feint. Although, it didn’t seem to Mr. Jeon that his son didn’t enjoy acting.

Then, all of a sudden, Wonwoo’s phone rang, interrupting the staring contest between father and son. Even Jackson was disturbed from his quiet admiration of Wonwoo’s countenance.

“I assume since you left your ringer on, you must have been expecting an important call. Would you care to answer it then.” Mr. Jeon said. The passive-aggressiveness in his tone was impossible not to pick up on.

Wonwoo supposed his father was correct in a sense. Mingyu was an important person. He usually did not leave his ringer on when he met with his father. It must have been his subconscious mind that compelled him to forget.

He wasted no time in answering the call, expecting it to be a telemarketer. Wonwoo didn’t actually think Mingyu would have called him since they had seen each other only about fifteen minutes ago. Yet the familiar and masculine voice of the man spooked him.

“Hey Wonwoo, did you get out yet. I know it hasn’t been long since we last saw each other, but I was worried. You know I have to protect my favorite cheerleader for Saturday.” Mingyu chuckled, and just then, the seriousness in the air dispersed as if a hurricane had ended.

“U-uh no, no, I’m still here. If you called to check in then I’ll let you know that I’m fine. Thank you for that. You shouldn’t stay up any longer, I don’t want to see you with dark circles under your eyes in any of our classes together.” the shorter smiled.

“That wasn’t the main reason why I called.” the other laughed, imagining Wonwoo’s insulted face. “I would have checked in with you later, and yeah I know I should get some rest. But I knew you would still be held up with your father. I wanted to talk to him, please Wonu.” Mingyu whined, sounding like a puppy.

“Wonwoo. Who’s on the phone with you. You know I’d like to get home as well.” Mr. Jeon interjected.

“It’s a friend from the school, the same one you took me away from by the way. I think you owe him an apology for the inconvenience. Not everyone gets to hang out with me.” Wonwoo grinned. 

“Your friend? In the way you spoke to him, I didn’t think it was Jun. But I’ll gladly speak to any one of my son’s friends. I must commend them for sticking with you after the first day.” Mr. Jeon laughed, extending his arm. Wonwoo turned back to the phone.

“Okay, I’m putting him on. Don’t try anything foolish.” Wonwoo muttered the last part, gritting his teeth as he held the speaker close to his mouth.

“Is this Wonwoo’s friend? What a pleasure to speak to you. Look, I’m sorry for interrupting your little date with my son, but as you probably could gather, our affairs are very important.” Mr. Jeon explained, although Wonwoo guessed Mingyu pretended to nod along on the other side of the line.

“Oh, I see, young man. You took the opportunity, how clever of you. Well, I don’t know how many positions we have open with the credentials and background of a footba- oh you’ve taken classes in high school?” Mr. Jeon said. He had already sounded intrigued with Mingyu’s straightforwardness and courage to interrupt their meeting.

“Haha, I never thought Wonwoo would say that. But I suppose that’s plausible if one considered that you two got frozen yogurt together, you know, just one on one. Wonwoo always had a thing for men in suits, I could see it in his eyes as my associates would meet him. You already have the blandishment a businessman needs. Consider yourself hired as an intern. I’ll just have to figure out which position will best suit your resume. And you’ve already sent it to my secretary? Perfect. I can always count on my son to recruit capable men.” Mr. Jeon smiled.

“Alright okay.” he grinned ear to ear. “Have a goodnight to you as well. I hope your friendship with my son proves to be fruitful and mutually beneficial.”

Wonwoo had been seething in his chair as Mr. Jeon looked at him proudly. “I didn’t know he had it in him to be that bold. And I’ve only known him for a few days now.”

“There’s a lot that you don’t know son. Perhaps when Mingyu joins the team you will be learning from him.” Mr. Jeon chuckled.

“I’d be happy to help you get some experience.” Jackson smirked as he nodded in Wonwoo’s direction.

“No thanks.” Wonwoo said with attitude. “If there’s anything I’d learn from it would be from the collapse of this company,” he laughed.

“There are arrangements being made for the future to ensure that that won’t happen. Mr. Wang here has a stake in it, as well as another party that I will introduce you to.” Mr. Jeon said, clasping his hands together as he wore a cheerful smile.


	11. The Phenomenon of Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, more ideas came to me and I expanded the story before Wonwoo meets formally Jaehyun. + tension and conflict in their infancy phase

Friday had arrived and Wonwoo woke up feeling a sense of dread as the cool morning air seeped through the crack in his window. Today was the day that he’d be meeting with his father’s clients, but it was also the day that he had photography class with Mingyu. He didn’t know if he had the power to suppress his anxiety and enjoy his time with the other. Yet he was sure that he wouldn’t have to try to remain attentive. The man’s presence itself was enough to turn his head away from everything else and sweep him off his feet.

As he drove himself to school, something deep in his unconscious memory surfaced. The faces of those boys, Wonho and Changkyun, as they accosted him in the hallway yesterday, came back as a warning. It occurred to him that the incident had transpired around 4 o’clock where not many students were in the school. The hallway had been relatively empty compared to the morning or afternoon, and most faculty in that specific building were gone by the evening. It all seemed planned to him. He didn’t mean it as an insult, although those boys deserved it, but, Wonho and Changkyun did not have the wit to plan something like what they pulled yesterday. They must have been acting under another person’s request.

Then he remembered. That predatory gaze that touched upon him in the campus courtyard on the first day. He was one of Mingyu’s football friends, but his eyes told Wonwoo that he wasn’t another lunkhead like the rest of the lot. Changkyun and Wonho had accompanied him that day, like hyenas following the tiger who would kill their dinner for them. But from what had occurred, it seemed like the hyenas had given in to their hunger before the tiger could have the first bite. 

He decided to park in the garage considering that it had begun to rain. Jun and Minghao met him at the elevator lobby and they entered the building. As Jun and Minghao decided to get handsy and tease each other, Wonwoo turned his focus to his phone. He rarely ever used it, nor did he have a reason to. But now that Mingyu had been in his contacts, he was eager to see just how interested the other was in his daily life.

Wonwoo had texted the other boy last night, telling him that he had gotten home safely but he had decided to put his mind to rest and end it there. Right after he stayed up all night texting Mingyu that is, depleting all of the humorless jokes in his arsenal as they speculated whether Mr. Muller wore a toupee over his head. After he told the taller that he was getting tired, Mingyu, like the caring man he was, sent an audio recording which said goodnight to Wonwoo in his husky voice. Wonwoo couldn’t remember if his mind ran at an even faster rate after that, or if he had fainted into his pillow. But he returned to the man on his message app, smiling before he had even thought of something to type.

Wonwoo: What class do you have first?

As the elevator jolted slightly as they reached ground level, Wonwoo spotted the moving dots at the bottom of his screen, indicating that Mingyu was already typing. Wonwoo thought fast and sent another message.

Wonwoo: Haha, I could tell you were waiting for me to initiate the conversation, or else you wouldn’t have read my message so fast. Don’t worry, our friendship isn’t one-sided.

Mingyu: Jeez, I was thinking of something to type. Give me a break.

Wonwoo: You sound as though we are married. 

Mingyu: You can’t sound like anything on text Wonu. I think you're just imposing your delusional fantasy on our conversation. I get it, I’m a handsome man. ; )

Wonwoo: I would hardly call this a conversation. And I could say the same thing about you having a delusional fantasy yourself ^^^ 

Minghao spotted Wonwoo’s static figure, glaring intensely at the screen of his phone as he walked automatically. He bumped Jun’s shoulder, gesturing with his head towards the boy.

“Wonwoo who are you texting. I know a lot of people have eyes for you but that doesn’t mean you gotta entertain them.” Jun snickered.

Yet Wonwoo did not respond. There wasn’t even a witty quip from him. Nor a peep.

Wonwoo: Are you a Leo or something? You seem to enjoy the spotlight. 

Mingyu: I enjoy being in your spotlight ehehe.  
Wonwoo: So does everybody else.

Mingyu: Wow someone’s cocky today. I heard pride was one of the seven deadly sins.

Wonwoo: You heard? I actually read the Bible.  
And, why haven’t I died yet?

Mingyu: Maybe it’s because you don’t actually have anything to be proud about. Oooo burn, jk jk. I figured that if you were to die it would be after you saw these guns.

Wonwoo: Who the hell takes pics for you?

Mingyu: I have friends unlike you.

Wonwoo: For the wrong reasons. 

Mingyu: *Ignore* It seems like you're hard to impress. I’ve been working on abs too. But you’d have to get closer to me if you wanted to see them ; )

But before Wonwoo could even scoff at what Mingyu had said, Jun snatched his phone from him. His hysterical giggling echoed through the hall.

Wonwoo: Can, I lick. Ur abs

Wonwoo wrestled the phone away from Jun as Minghao gasped, holding back his laughter. He would have smacked Jun in the back of the head if he wasn’t so focused on stopping Jun’s text from having the impact he wanted it to have.

Just then, his phone had died and Wonwoo wanted to collapse on the ground in defeat. Then, a spark of hope ran through him as he realized something.

“Jun, didn’t you get Gyu’s phone number? You could text him and confess that it was you who said that!”

“Gyu? I don’t know anyone named Gyu.” Jun smirked.

“Oh, my mind must have been lazy. I meant Mingyu. Now text him.” Wonwoo seethed.

“Sorry but he put me in his contacts, so he’d have to text me first.”

“Do you know how much trouble Wonwoo could be in? Mingyu might be squeamish and off-put by your sense of humor.” Minghao scolded.

“I think Mingyu would be more flattered than uncomfortable. But I still don’t want him thinking I’m crazy for him.” Wonwoo added, clenching his fists.

“Believe me, I think Mingyu knew that already.” Jun replied.

“Then why would he still be friends with Wonwoo?” Minghao asked.

“Uh, have you seen Wonwoo. He may be a crazy bitch, but he’s interesting.” Jun snickered and Minghao couldn’t help but smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe that’s why he hasn’t asked you guys to hangout then.” Wonwoo more or less stated rather than speculated. His voice held a tone of superiority.

“You and Mingyu had a hangout?” Minghao gaped.

“Yes. He’s such a gentleman. He paid for everything and drove me everywhere.” Wonwoo giggled. This time he wasn’t feigning happiness. 

“He must be a god then if he can suffer you!” Jun laughed.

“I could say the same for Minghao.” Wonwoo barked, causing both boys to blush.

“Wait…” Minghao stopped. They were only a few meters away from their class. But they were still early.

“What time did your last class begin yesterday?” he looked towards Wonwoo.

“4 o’clock. Why?”

“In the Tech Wing?”

“Yes.” Wonwoo said, dragging the answer out.

“So it was you and Mingyu who knocked out those guys huh? That was crazy.” Minghao laughed. 

“You found out?” Wonwoo gawked.

“Found out that Mingyu and Wonwoo are together?” Jun interjected.

“No dummy, some kid in my design class came back from the bathroom and was gossiping up a storm about some tall kid and a pretty boy knocking two guys out on the floor.” 

“Well, you didn’t have to put it that way.” Wonwoo blushed.

“It was true! And I wanted to get to you of course.” Minghao snickered.

“What the hell happened?” Jun burst out.

“Mingyu was responsible for all of it. Wonho and Changkyun were just giving me a hard time. So Mingyu dealt with it. I didn’t even have to ask.” Wonwoo smiled proudly. But then he grew tense, wondering if Mingyu was as good as he made him seem. Or was he too good to be true? Surely what Jun had sent would ruin him before he got to Mingyu, Wonwoo thought. Mingyu was supposed to be perfect. If he wasn’t, then Wonwoo would have to abandon the prospect of love, not out of honor but out of disappointment.

Jun and Minghao perceived Wonwoo’s unsettled state, and decided to instill hope in him by cheerfully nudging him and making him smile. Jun’s expression indicated that he felt sorry for making Wonwoo so anxious, but there was still a mischievous glint to it that cooed at the sight of Wonwoo wanting to run to his ‘boyfriend’. That is, if Jun could get away with teasing the other for that without ending up crucified for it.

English class passed ever slowly, and Wonwoo counted the words on each page of their assignment as if he had been counting the seconds. He hated English class with such a passion because it made everyone else hate it too. If only they could read the books they wanted to read, and write what they wanted to say, then maybe kids would like the class. But of course, their professor pretended to enjoy stumbling over her words as she tried to read Shakespeare.

Wonwoo jerked from his chair as the professor dismissed them, mentally slapping his forehead as he realized he’d be seeing Mingyu next. He strode towards his history class, not really trying to appear smooth and collected. It was sort of a short way there so he expected to ambush the taller. Through his tenderness, he smiled uncontrollably considering he never would have thought he’d have to explain himself. If it would have been to anyone, it would have been his father. Perhaps he just enjoyed seeing himself suffer.

As he rounded the corner, entering through the doorway, he spotted two of his favorite members of the football team. Mingyu sat staunchly at the end of the aisle however, not in his usual seat. And S.Coups sat awkwardly, confused at the arrangement as well. 

Wonwoo treaded carefully towards them, stalling for Mingyu to greet or even acknowledge him. But the other didn’t. Instead, he crossed his arms and breathed out, as if he were already impatient to leave. Wonwoo noticed that he looked… uncomfortable.

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo let out, almost in a hiss. “That wasn’t me who texted, it was Jun.” he said with his smile faltering. 

But Mingyu continued to remain silent. Unbothered by the fact that Wonwoo’s face contorted with confusion as he realized S.Coups was in his seat, blocking him from sitting next to Mingyu.

“Sorry Won. Mingyu insisted that I sit here. But I’ll get him back for you, when you sort out whatever you're going through.” S.Coups said, scratching his neck. His face displayed a sympathetic smile.

Wonwoo seemed to become overwhelmed with surprise and anger as he stood there waiting for Mingyu to address him, but then plopped down in the chair next to S.Coups. He supposed he could confront the other on the issue in the hallway.

He couldn’t focus on the lesson as his mind ran rampant, speculating as to what had caused Mingyu’s usual smile to turn into a glum frown, and his animated eyebrows and cheeks to arch and tighten. A few minutes in, Wonwoo itched to say something. He tore off a piece of paper from his packet and rolled it up into a ball. He threw it at Mingyu’s face, hitting him in the side. But the other only flinched. He expected the taller to turn towards him and glare, but he seemed unbothered.

S.Coups noticed Wonwoo’s frustration, and lightly punched Mingyu in the shoulder. “Hey man, why are you ignoring Wonu?” he asked, frowning. 

Mingyu just huffed, slouching in his chair as he stared at the chalkboard behind the professor. His eyes narrowed and his face was not far from looking a bit ticked off. Wonwoo got the memo and averted his concerned gaze away from the fuming boy. Although a part of him wanted to push Mingyu even further so he’d finally get whatever was troubling him out of his system.  
“He’s just being a big baby. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it soon.” S.Coups reassured him.

Now he worried that he had already pushed Mingyu into a new realm of emotions. If he had already made the taller disgusted, he was worsening the situation. But Wonwoo reminded himself that Mingyu was overreacting. S.Coups was right in the respect that the guy didn’t seem to be able to use his words. 

“I see.” Wonwoo muttered, looking blankly towards the ceiling as he waited for the bell to ring. Half the day could still be saved if they could ‘sort’ out whatever happened while they could.

As yet another class ended, Wonwoo slowly gathered his things. Rather than running out of the room in anger, he stayed behind. He played the same game as Mingyu, stalling and waiting for one of themselves to give up and leave. S.Coups fled from the scene, indeed not wanting to get in between two powerful personalities. 

“Are you going to look me in the eye.” Wonwoo challenged, moving closer. His eyes could turn any other man to stone, if not shatter them completely. But Mingyu was not any other man.  
‘Before I explain myself, I’d want to keep my dignity.” the shorter added.

Finally, Mingyu snapped his head towards him like a cobra, pouncing. His eyes demanded rather than beckoned for Wonwoo to proceed, which gave Wonwoo the impression that Mingyu had lost any sense of feeling. When Mingyu opened his mouth, it seemed as though a part of his arrogant self had resurfaced, but not in its teasing and playful sense. It was only now that an unhealthy version of arrogance manifested itself on a mocking smirk.

“I wasn’t the one that took your dignity away.” he said, keeping his eyes on Wonwoo’s as to intimidate him.

Wonwoo stepped back on impulse, growing even more furious.

“That was Jun, I swear! I never said that.”

“You swear? Or you believe?” Mingyu chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“You know what? Keep the maturity level up here.” Wonwoo said, raising his palm up high. “If I had known that was going to be your response I would have let Jun say anything. You can talk to me when you lose the smirk.” Wonwoo said, spinning around and jogging towards the exit. 

If it hadn’t been for Mingyu’s longer legs, Wonwoo could have escaped him. But the taller man caught up to him, stifling a giggle as he grabbed Wonwoo’s waist and pushed him against a locker. He did it gently of course, but with enough force to stun the other.

Mingyu’s kanines shown as his smile widened at the look of Wonwoo’s face. Wonwoo reached around digging his brittle fingers into Mingyu’s large hands, trying to pry them off of him. “What’s wrong with you. This isn’t being any more mature than you were in there.” the shorter said, squirming out of Mingyu’s grip.

“I was just playing with you!” Mingyu laughed, leaning towards Wonwoo as he clutched his stomach. Wonwoo freed himself and stepped away from the other, watching him with resentment. 

“I’m not even going to entertain your foolishness. You shouldn’t have done that. I actually thought we were on bad terms.” Wonwoo scolded him, yet no smile appeared under his reddened cheeks. 

“Wonu I’m sorry! But you shouldn't be so angry. It’s not like I broke up with you. Pshh” 

“Apologies shouldn’t end with a ‘but’. Now I’m going to lunch. It’s not like you’re my lifeline so I don’t need to suck up to you. I have other friends to sit with.” Wonwoo said, glaring up at Mingyu as he brushed past him. 

Jeonghan, who he had become acquainted with in his calculus class, spotted him at the intersection of the hallway. The blonde took his arm and guided him towards the building’s courtyard.

“I know you aren’t over our friendship Wonu!” Mingyu smiled faintly, shaking his head as he joined his group of fellow football players who had been walking by.

“Yo Mingyu!” Sehun, a senior called. “If you don’t win back your boy soon that means we have bidding rights over him.” 

“Haha” Kai snorted. “You guys are funny. He talked to me the most out of all of you. You’d have better luck with a nerd.”

“Dude… he is a nerd.” Sehun laughed.

“A hot one!” Baekhyun howled, tongue hanging out of his mouth as if he were a drooling dog.  
“Do I have to remind you guys what happened to Changkyun and Wonho yesterday?” Mingyu said, stopping the group as he raised his fist. The team flinched, eyes widening.

“Nah I’m just kidding. What a bunch of wimps. I wouldn’t hit my brothers. So long as they don’t break the code.” Mingyu chuckled.

“He means, just don’t get between him and Wonwoo.” Sehun snickered.

“Gee, we need to put Wonwoo behind the goalpost. Maybe that would make us win.” Kai said, causing everyone to burst out laughing.

“Unnecessary. I’m on the team. That’s already a guaranteed win.” Mingyu replied, pointing at himself proudly.

“Then go get Wonwoo!” Sehun pushed him, and they charged through the double doors leading outside. Mingyu smiled at the memory of how panicked Wonwoo seemed. Maybe he was just getting the shorter back with all of the teasing he had done to him while climbing into his truck. Or maybe it was one of his own tests.


	12. On Human Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, i hope I don't trigger you with Meanie treachery lol. Let's just say Meanie get's jealous. I'm trying to get my chapters out fast enough. You guys are all amazing and you motivate me so much. I have a lot of stuff planned for this story!

Wonwoo looked unsettled enough as Jeonghan attempted to soothe him. The latter was writing something in a little notepad of his when the entrance doors in the distance whipped open, hitting the wall next to it. His head bolted up, expecting the obnoxiousness to come from Jun. But it was Mingyu. 

“Jeonghan.” he whispered to the blonde boy in a whie turtleneck next to him. “Hold me back if you have to. I was the better one a few moments ago when I said I wanted Mingyu to speak with maturity to me, but I can’t promise to be civil.”

“Wonwoo it was only a prank. I can’t believe someone with a demeanor like your’s is going to be in a fight their first week in college.” he said, soft and sweet.

“It’s a righteous war if that’s what you want to call it. And I’m not going to run back as his friend like I’m all desperate. Mingyu will never get that out of me. He’ll have to take it.” 

“Speak of the devil.” Jeonghan said, more loudly than Wonwoo. Mingyu tilted his head slightly, curious as to why Wonwoo’s face looked like it wanted to merge with the paper beneath his pen. 

A band of cheerleaders in their uniforms for the day’s rehearsal arrived at the other end of the column of benches, calling for Mingyu and the other most notable and handsome players to join them. Seungkwan and the girls summoned Wonwoo and Jeonghan to come over as well, much like an angry mother telling their kids to come back to her. 

“I think he’s going to stay here.” Jeoghan answered for him.

Wonwoo looked up at Mingyu with a glare, wondering why he was standing across from him. The taller still looked at him with that trademark smirk of his, but rather than have a staring contest, Mingyu simply gave up and left. He walked to where Vernon had been sitting, diagonal to Wonwoo, and greeted the girls frivolously.

“Thanks for staying with me hannie.” Wonwoo said, losing the seriousness in his tone.

“You got it. Where are Jun and Minghao?”

“I think you know.” Wonwoo smiled. “But where’s your dark-haired devil?” 

“Getting us food.” Jeonghan hummed. “And wait. He’s not mine.” he protested.

“I thought you were supposed to be the mother?” 

“I am. Behind closed doors.”

Wonwoo scoffed, going back to his writing. 

“That reminds me. I’m hoping Mingyu’s going to be the man here. I can’t wait forever, especially when I think someone has it out for me. Or should I call it a crush?”

“And you don’t think it’s Mingyu that likes you?” Jeonghan asked with a shocked expression.

“No, have you even observed how boys look at me? Look.” Wonwoo nodded his head in the opposite direction where Jeonghan’s puzzled expression had been facing.

“Yo Wonwoo.” Baekyun called from the other end of the benches. “Did Changkyun and Wonho really go at you like that yesterday?” 

“I saw Wonho’s body once. It’s no joke.” Jun butted it, appearing out of nowhere with Minghao faithfully behind him.

Wonwoo granted him a warm smile and then returned his attention to the other boy.

“No no it was nothing. No need to excommunicate them from the team or anything.” 

“Sorry Won, what Baekhyun means is, are you alright?” Sehun said, slapping the other’s arm.

Wonwoo forced a laugh, not caring if others knew it was fake. “Yes thank you. They just got on my nerves enough for Mingyu to take them out.” he verbally jabbed towards the taller boy.

“Man we’re surprised Mingyu hasn’t taken you out!” Baekhyun giggled.

“I’m still waiting on another thing too.” Wonwoo muttered.

Mingyu exhaled, stretching his arms as he leaned back, resuming their previous conversation. The girls, aware that there was something going on between Mingyu and Wonwoo, were cautious when talking to the former. They restrained themselves from laughing too loud at Mingyu’s jokes, or gasping at his lack of humbleness. 

Wonwoo peeked through his eye lashes, angling his head to the side so he could get a better view of their conversation. What he saw made him dismayed. Although he didn’t have his glasses on him at the moment, Wonwoo could sufficiently distinguish the look that Mingyu gave one of the girls. It resembled the look that Mingyu gave him, and it made him jealous. 

He knew he could feel a lot of things such as anger and sadness. But never would he have thought he would feel the most infantile of emotions. Perhaps that meant he was in love, or that he was just delusional. 

S.Coups arrived across from them, saving him with a distraction. He had brought three plastic boxes of salad with him. Jeonghan and S.Coups smiled brightly at each other as if they were an old married couple, but Wonwoo was not in tune with the pleasant feelings around him. Not when there was a boy a dozen feet away from him that was making him feel like he was a shoe that had been tried on and put back on a shelf. Even if Mingyu was unaware of his feelings for him, the mere sight of his flirtatiousness made him indignant and spiteful.

Jun and Minghao were occupied with each other as well, and he found himself to be the only one that was single on that side of the row of benches. That was the case until the polite boy from earlier came over and sat down next to him, rather closely. Wonwoo acknowledged his presence, recognizing that he made a mistake in thinking the guy was a boy. The guy’s expression was as serious as his that it was almost unnoticeable that he was three years older than Wonwoo.

Wonwoo continued to scribble things on his notepad, jutting his head slightly to the side and glancing at the arm that comfortable rested on the table. The boy next to him had been the one who scolded Baekhyun a moment ago. Now he was facing him with both legs separated by the bench, welcoming Wonwoo to speak to him. But Wonwoo didn’t satisfy him with a gesture of friendliness. 

“Hey, I heard you’re good at math.” 

“Who told you that.” Wonwoo asked, not really interested in the other’s question. His eyes slowly rose towards the others, holding sincerity within them. Although his lips were still in a pout.

“Jeonghan here of course.” Sehun said, reaching over Wonwoo’s shoulders to shove the blonde boy playfully. Wonwoo looked behind him now on instinct and turned back to the older boy.

“So what if I am?”

“I could use some tutoring help.” Sehun grinned, although he remained mostly emotionless. Wonwoo could tell that he was holding something from him.

“You’re a senior.” Wonwoo giggled.

“What can I say, I’m just that dumb.” 

“I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m not interested.” Wonwoo smiled, refraining from being harsh.

“Mingyu isn’t even that great. I don’t know what you see in him. But I can tell something’s up between you two so I was hoping to take this opportunity to find out what the hottest nerd at our school is really all about. But for starters, my name is Sehun by the way.” 

“I’m Wonwoo. I suppose you want me to call you hyung?”

“There’s other things you can call me that fall into the older age category.” Sehun winked.

“Like perverted?” Wonwoo arched his eyebrows. He stifled a laugh and bit his lips.

“Now I see why Mingyu left.” Sehun smirked, nodding his head in understanding.

”No, I left him.”

“Oh so you really like Mingyu?” Sehun asked, scoffing. Although his tone held a hint of genuineness, as if he were testing the waters. 

“No. And if Jeonghan told you that he’s wrong.” 

“Alright alright. I see.” Sehun raised his hands defensively. “That’s good because then you wouldn’t be jealous if I told you that Mingyu is flirting with Tyuzu over there.” 

“What are you-” Wonwoo muttered, breath hitching as he spotted what Sehun was referring to. As he turned his head, he saw Mingyu with his legs splayed outwards at the end of his table and with his arms extended to welcome Tyuzu to tip-toe closer to him. She giggled light-heartedly and Wonwoo could see that her cheeks were flustered as she stared down at the boy. The next thing everyone knew, she plopped down into his lap and Mingyu looked at her like he had caught the largest fish in the sea. An expression of arrogance and overconfidence was painted across his face as he intimidated the girl with his attentive eyes.

The teammate who had dared the willing and unreluctant Mingyu to accept Tyuzu in his arms laughed as he held his phone up to take a video. Mingyu revealed his kanines for show, playing dumb as Tyuzu conitnued to hide her smiling lips from him behind her sweater paws. What pushed Wonwoo over the edge was when Mingyu shuffled in his seat and lifted his shirt up to display the tattoo on his torso. 

He turned back to Sehun as if the older had poked his neck. Wonwoo was evidently ticked off, prompting the other to lose his confident demeanor. Sehun fell back an inch as if some wave of heat landed against his skin.

“I think you’ve finally gotten the truth out of me. If that’s what it took. I’m getting out of here, see you guys later.” Wonwoo muttered, consumed by anger. He grabbed his bag, whispering a “sorry” as it tapped Jeonghan’s shoulder as he put it on. He trounced away from the group of college students wishing they had been a circle of intellectuals. He adored Jeonghan and his other friends of course, but the only thing they could give him was friendly affection. He yearned for something deeper and less transitory that it could never uproot itself from his life and leave. 

Peering behind Tyuzu’s brunette locks and fluttering eyelashes, Mingyu was the first to see Wonwoo get up from his spot and rattle the table as he made his departure known to their group.

“Wonwoo, where are you going?” one of the girls asked. They furrowed their eyebrows in concern and some showed sympathy, knowing that they had encouraged one of their teammates to cross the invisible line. 

“Knowing Wonwoo, lonely silence will be good for thinking. I’ll talk to him later.” Jeonghan assured. 

“Too bad then. He can meditate later or whatever on what I’m about to tell him.” Mingyu muttered, getting up and following the shorter to where he had gone inside.

Mingyu argued to himself that it was just harmless flirting that had gone on in front of Wonwoo. If only the shorter hadn’t entertained Sehun then he wouldn’t have been provoked into risking it with Tyuzu. 

The taller grabbed both door handles and yanked them backward. They clicked shut behind him as he sprinted towards the black-haired boy. 

“Yeahhhh Mingyu, get some!” Baekhyun yelled, while Sehun just shook his head. 

“It’s gonna come back in his face.” Jun said knowingly. “No one’s ever been able to subdue Wonwoo before.” he giggled.

“I have a feeling this time will be different.” Minghao added.

II

Centered in the beam of light shining through the windows at the other end of the hall, Mingyu could see the lean figure of Wonwoo, elegantly and calmly walking towards one of the indoor sitting areas. He was about to turn around the corner when Mingyu grabbed his arm and dragged him to the side. In a niche in the hallway, Mingyu brought Wonwoo by his forearm in front of the wall with his back against it. Their position was all too familiar and although Wonwoo fought against Mingyu’s chest like an agitated kitten, he couldn’t resist the sensation of warmth coming off the other. Wonwoo was disposed to doubt that Mingyu wasn’t the one for him and conclude that he’ll be lonely for life. However, the spark that coursed through the tall boy’s veins touched his fingertips as he struggled to escape the other’s grasp. It was as if Wonwoo had run his fingers on those round strong arms before, like he had been cradled in them and rested upon them in a dream. 

Rather than the mocking smirk that Mingyu had worn before, he expressed a warm smile, begging for Wonwoo to come back to him.

“Do you have to be so stubborn? What the hell is up with you. I didn’t expect for you to be this serious about a little prank. You know what- it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want you to be angry at me. Who even cares if it's me. Just- don’t be angry. I don’t like seeing you like that.”

The creases next to Mingyu’s eyes showed how uncertain he was about how Wonwoo would respond, like he had been preparing to wince.

Wonwoo lost the feeling of tension in his shoulders and the shape of his lips became more angular as he looked at Mingyu as if the boy had cheered him up. His cheeks softened as he took in the image of Mingyu towering over him. The taller could easily overpower him at any moment and Wonwoo was already feeling the fight and urge to resist leave his body through his feet. He wanted to collapse and let Mingyu catch him.

But the other boy remained reserved, knowing that the holy fruit would taste sweeter when it was ripe. Wonwoo wanted the other man to save him from his demons, but he would also save himself as well, keeping himself pure for one man only. And in that decision was the greatest expression of certainty that he could bestow on someone. Mingyu was the one.

“Thanks for caring, um…” Wonwoo stopped, looking down at his feet. He then closed his eyes and sighed, laughing in the face of his problem, admittance. “I think if you waited I probably would have crawled back to you. I’m a socialite at heart, I couldn’t stand not being on good terms with someone. Plus I think you're interesting.” Wonwoo shrugged. 

“Really Wonu? I can tell that’s just a bunch of BS your spouting.” Mingyu giggled. “Keep it real.” he whined.

“I’ve never lied to myself before.” Wonwoo defended.

“You’re deceiving me right now. I’m beginning to think I made a mistake by wanting you to come back.” Mingyu snickered. But Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“You? Make a mistake? That never would have crossed my mind.”

“I should have let Sehun have you. Maybe he could knock you down to size so I can finally be your friend.” 

“Then you can have Tzuyu. I did let you have her after all.”

“You’re just jealous of her.” the taller replied, running his hands through the top of his head.

“It’s a disease that I probably got from you.” 

“So you are then?” Mingyu smirked.

“No.” Wonwoo replied bluntly and briefly. “It just seemed as though everyone at the table was in a relationship and I needed a break from the whole lovey dovey-ness. Your little show with Tyuzu was like the scent of barf that wanted to make me vomit all over again. You could say that’s why I left.”

“Nice try Wonu. I know why you left.”

“Now you just sound stupid. I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

Mingyu looked at him expectantly, opening his arms.

“Com’ere” Mingyu gestured with his arms, and Wonwoo hugged him. The shorter’s thin wrists locked on top of Mingyu’s back as the the other’s arms held his torso. Wonwoo closed his eyes softly as he rested his chin on Mingyu’s shoulder, reveling in the feeling of warmth that had enveloped him.

“I doubt that you hug your friends like this.” Wonwoo said, smiling as he shook his head.

“Well, my other friends aren’t you.”


	13. The Romantic and the Rational

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Mingyu and Wonwoo subtly reconcile watching the sunset Hahaha. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: Mingyu did not go to a club because he is faithful to Wonwoo. EEEEE!

“So, class.” their professor began, scanning the rows of students to see who was paying attention. He was a tall blonde-haired man who looked below forty. He gave an appreciative smile, nodding his head as he took the go ahead to start speaking again.

“I’ve been really caught up in grading your work, it’s all subjective of course so that hasn’t helped me much. But I promise that we will get straight back to work Monday. For the time being, I’ll be giving you free-reign over the outside campus. You can start taking your photos there. Be creative, there's a lot of scenery to go about. Remember to bring your rubrics with you. That’s all folks.” the man said, placing his hands in his khaki pockets and going to do work at his desk.

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo with glee, packing up his things as if he was about to miss his old school bus. “I thought he was gonna go on forever, but I guess he’s too lazy to even do that.” Mingyu whispered. 

“Anything to keep me from having to be stuck with you alone outside.” Wonwoo said, fixing his glasses snobbishly. 

“Yeah, who knows what could happen.” Mingyu huffed, slinging his backpack around his back.

Wonwoo’s eyes closed and his lips sealed shut as if he had tasted something sour. He was a bit caught off guard by Mingyu’s sense of humor, but it was more tasteless than Jun’s he thought to himself. He had to give Mingyu that.

“Imagine if you took a picture of me and all that showed up was the backdrop?”

“Because you’re that unnoticeable?” Mingyu smirked.

“No dumbass, because I’m a vampire.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Someone doesn’t know anything about the supernatural. Plus! Your teammates don’t seem to think I’m unnoticeable, they seem very fond of me.” Wonwoo said with a tone of disappointment, but he smiled nevertheless. 

“Sorry I don’t devote my life to watching MTV.” 

“And getting head trauma in football is any better?” Wonwoo arched his brow, resting one sweater paw on his hip as he clutched one of his folders.

“It gets me the ladies. Not sure how knowing anything about vampires will do anything for you.” 

“It will help when my future boyfriend turns out to be a vampire and tries to bite me.” Wonwoo retorted. “Hmm.” 

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry. Some other guy would have gotten to you anyway. On the other hand, we should go before those idiots take all the good spaces.” Mingyu said, grabbing Wonwoo’s shoulders and spinning him around. Wonwoo’s back was facing towards him. The taller man proceeded to wrap Wonwoo’s short white heud transparent coat around him, fixing his collar and the button below his neck. As he finished the job, his hand held one of the sides of Wonwoo’s waist while his other hand lingered over the thin metal chain around the shorter’s neck. 

Mingyu spun him back around by the waist and carefully stopped Wonwoo with gentle hands. 

“What?” Wonwoo asked, bowing his head and showing vulnerable curiosity. He looked up at Mingyu as if he had been caught doing something wrong.

“What’s this? You never wear any low cut stuff so I never knew you wore a necklace.” Mingyu explained. 

He reached under the rib of Wonwoo’s sweater which was lined up with his collarbone. His fingers touched the warm skin as they fumbled with Wonwoo’s necklace. The part of the baby-blue sweater below Wonwoo’s neck flapped as Mingyu’s large hand came out with the end of the necklace. He revealed a sterling silver cross pendant much to Wonwoo’s astonishment. The shorter stood paralyzed by shock, still feeling Mingyu’s warm fingers making contact with the clavicle under the rib of his clothing.

“I would have shown it to you. I’m not a children’s touch and feel book you know.”

“You’re not even an open book.” Mingyu snickered. “And what’s that smell? I didn’t see you hanging around any cheerleaders lately.” Mingyu said, leaning closer to sniff near Wonwoo’s neck. 

“Okay, I’m not a scratch and sniff book either.” Wonwoo said, putting his hands up and swatting Mingyu away.

“Hmm, smells kinda flowery. Guys are allergic to you anyways so it won’t make a difference.”

“Ugh, you can take as many pictures of me as you want outside, if we ever get there.” Wonwoo groaned, trouncing towards the exit. 

“Really?” Mingyu asked. His kanines were showing so much that it was almost impossible not to imagine him with puppy dog ears perking up. 

“If you carry my bag.” Wonwoo smiled, lazily pointing to it on the table.

“Yes dear.” Mingyu quipped with a cheeky smile, causing Wonwoo to blush as he tried to walk without faltering in embarrassment. He brought his sweater paw up to his mouth as he stifled a chuckle, hoping that Mingyu thought he just coughed. Oh what he would give to hear Mingyu say that to him again.

II

“Can you believe that guy had the gall to say photography was all ‘subjective’?” Wonwoo began, looking towards Mingyu who was focused on tweaking his camera. 

“What does subjective mean?” Mingyu asked, scratching his head all the while keeping his eyes on the camera.

“You’re pointless.” Wonwoo giggled, not at all irritated. 

“OOO, it means that anything goes right? That no one can make a definitive statement about anything.” Mingyu chimed.

“Yes! Good doggy.” Wonwoo cooed, reaching to pet Mingyu’s cheek.

Mingyu only pouted, but watched with a hint of smugness as Wonwoo’s palm grazed his face.

“And that’s why the professor is wrong. The nature of a photo, just like any other artwork, must be immanent in the object itself. What I mean is- the feeling you get from admiring a picture is not just a mere mental construction like the school of Phenomenology says. The fe-”

“Phenoma-huh?” Mingyu narrowed his eyes. “Sounds like you would’ve had a blast at that school.” he laughed.

“Idiot. It’s a school of thought, not an actual place!” 

“Don’t people in all school’s think?” 

“Okay as I was saying, the feeling is really inherent in the picture. Just like a song. Songs can be sad or happy regardless of what the listener says otherwise. Skeptics will always say ‘we can never know’ but I think that’s silly.” Wonwoo huffed. 

“There’s something about the aesthetic quality of art that makes beauty universal. I’m so sick and tired of hearing the saying, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. I’m not talking about internal beauty of course, but what I mean is- when you see the sunset, no one ever thinks that it’s ugly. Plato believed this notion suggested that beauty was a universal property. And oh my god, do not get me started on the abandonment of talent and aesthetic quality in art nowadays. The Avant Garde is dead! D. E. A. D. But these artists, musicians and playwrights are just wannabees!”

“The what now?” 

“To put it into context, nowadays, a lot of art is created in opposition to elements of society. But the thing is, these artists aren’t suffering as the old Avant Garde did. Such as people like Claud Monet and so on. Jackson Pollock was the last of them and he truly suffered for his art. These people’s works were only recognized after they died. Now anyone who trashes the beliefs of the “common folk” is given awards and government grants. For what? Pissing in a bottle and putting the crucifix in it and calling it art? Ugh! I’ll ruin the moment if I go on any longer.” Wonwoo snorted, scrunching his nose.

Mingyu looked across to where Wonwoo was walking beside him, grinning as he stared. It may have been a cliche idea but Wonwoo’s scrunched up smile was the most captivating thing he had ever seen.

“But what I was going to say before you derailed the discussion...” he smirked. “was that Plato was the one who believed that beauty existed in a concretized form on its own. It’s sort of like thinking that the concept of the color red exists suspended in time and space. He called these universal concepts ‘Forms’ which he believed were located in heaven and provided the blueprints for everything on Earth. That is to say that he believed everything in the material world was an imperfect copy of heaven. But you can’t imagine that the property of redness exists by itself. An object has to have the property of course. So Aristotle came along and said that the Forms didn’t exist by themselves, simply put, the Forms existed individually in each particular object. So triangularity doesn’t exist in heaven, rather, it exists in each and every triangle that one encounters. This is why I think that a photograph, painting or whatever, really has an objective nature to it. If you know what I mean.” Wonwoo said, tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah.” Mingyu exhaled, staring blissfully into Wonwoo’s eyes. Drool threatened to escape from his mouth but he quickly reclaimed his composure and went back to his camera.

“This should be a good spot.” Wonwoo said, stopping in his tracks. Mingyu thought he looked like an adorable bunny with his blue sweater and all. Then he was reminded about just how frail the shorter boy looked. They should go out for froyo more, he thought. 

Mingyu reached for his camera, expecting for Wonwoo to move to the side so that he could take a shot of the field and ocean bordering the green sea grass. Yet Wonwoo seemed stuck in his spot. The other boy was stunned by the cold air and entranced by the choppy waves of the ocean a few hundred feet away from him. Now was the perfect moment, Mingyu thought, and he held up the camera, taking a picture of Wonwoo in his fluttering jacket as if he was impervious to the weathering forces of nature. Mingyu felt as though he was on the hunt to capture and conquer the boy in front of him. He felt like he was silently admiring a gazelle stunned by the sound of his breathing, looking out into the distance with the purest expression.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” Wonwoo spat, not at all impressed.

“No! The camera’s just faulty. The professor’s too lazy to take care of them.” 

“If that happens again I’ll post your pic to the dark web.” 

“Ehehehe, I guess my friends were right when they warned me about you.” Mingyu chuckled. 

“It wasn’t the first time you were wrong.”

“At least I don’t have self-denial.” Mingyu giggled, clutching on to Wonwoo’s upper arms as he crouched down to his level.

“What are you implying Mr. Kim?” Wonwoo said breathily with the intent of luring the taller into a trap. But Mingyu only shook his head, keeping whatever he had been thinking about from the other. Knowledge was power after all.

“Nothing.” he chuckled, linking his arm with Wonwoo’s. “Now stand here so I can take a picture.”

Wonwoo’s eyes fell and his face became emotionless as he ended his inquiry. He had a feeling that Mingyu would stick around long enough to actually tell him what he meant. He was assured that the other boy wouldn’t leave him by the fact that Mingyu held the far side of his shoulder as the camera shuttered. He must have been really talented if he could take a photo like that, Wonwoo thought.

“Okay Darth Vader, are you done breathing on my neck? I swear that I can feel a puddle of condensation.” 

“Huh? Oh sorry.” Mingyu smiled, playfully pushing Wonwoo away from him. Wonwoo only rebounded and pushed him back twice as hard. Mingyu stopped Wonwoo’s cheek with his large palm, squishing the side of his face. 

“You don’t want me to push you back Won. I play left tackle.” Mingyu smirked. “Unless you want to end up like Fiona and be pushed into a bush by Shrek, I suggest you surrender.” he added, taking an intimidating stance over Wonwoo and stepping forward, forcing the shorter backwards.

“Did you have to use a children's movie to make a point.” Wonwoo scoffed, reaching out to stop Mingyu from coming closer.

“You’re right, you’re way prettier than Fiona.” Mingyu winked.

“Ugh. Let’s get back to our project. Maybe I should tell the professor that you’re an annoying distraction.”

“You’re the one who’s a distraction.” 

Wonwoo didn’t come back with a sarcastic quip. Instead, he was entranced by something over Mingyu’s shoulder. The taller noticed the change in the other’s demeanor and furrowed his brows. 

“What? You see someone who’s more handsome than me.” Mingyu asked as if he had been insulted, jerking his head back to see what Wonwoo was looking at.

Instead of spotting the human face that Mingyu expected to see, he saw an orange ball of light illuminating the bellies of large clouds. In the past fifteen minutes it had descended below the clouds, now painting the grass a certain yellow color and the brick buildings of the campus a type of burgundy. 

Mingyu was dragged out of his state of mesmerization by a whack on the back of his neck by a particular person’s bony fingers. 

“This is not the time to gawk Mingyu. I’d actually like to get an A on our first project.” 

“I’d like to get an A too.” Mingyu huffed.

Wonwoo only shook his head, dusting himself off from the scuffle. “This nature scene reminds me so much of Romantic art.”

“Yeah. This is kinda romantic now that you mention it.” Mingyu said, cradling his chin in his hand as if he were thinking deeply.

“No moron. Romantic as in romanticism... the art form.” the other stressed.

Mingyu only tilted his head.

“The sunset looks so much like the Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah or Vesuvius in Eruption. Something about fire really kind of catches me on a hook. Rather than use holy water, the sins of evil men seem to have been dealt only with flames.” 

“It’s funny you should say that cuz you’re kinda hot.” Mingyu said, invading his personal space and wiggling his eyebrows.

“Now I know why you haven’t gotten a date so far in college.” Wonwoo said, blowing through his lips.

“I have my reasons.” Mingyu replied sheepishly. “It’s really obvious. I think you just have your head in the clouds.”

Wonwoo laughed. “Oh... you don’t want me to come back down.” he warned.

“Yup. That’s why I’m not telling you why I’m still single.” 

The shorter averted his gaze, wondering what kind of woman was Mingyu’s type. It seemed too easy to assume that it was Tyuzu considering that Mingyu could have any girl he wanted. He supposed the girl just happened to be there at the right time and place to sit on the guy’s lap. She may as well have won the lottery. 

“Sure.” Wonwoo allowed him, crossing his arms as he rested all his weight on one leg.

“Hmm.” 

“I hate to admit it, but the only reason why I’m enjoying this class so much as because you’re here.” Wonwoo let out, forgetting about the constraints to their friendship. Censoring certain thoughts and prohibiting particular feelings didn’t help to create a good thinker anyway. “Otherwise I would have probably just plagiarized pictures from images online.”

“Thanks.” the other breathed. “I was going to take all the pictures anyways.” 

Wonwoo grinned. “I meant in the respect of what was a superior art form.” he said, hiding his shyness by trying to speak smoothly. 

“I don’t really like the naturalistic or realist style. I’d rather see what an artist thinks what reality ought to be than it already is. That was how Aristotle laid the groundwork for 18th century Romanticism. I think it’s much more interesting. But I’d discard the emphasis on the emotional and mystical elements of it. I’m a pure individualist and advocate of reason. However I do admire the Romanticist method of employing art and literature to express their values. Photography on the other hand just seems to be a copy of the real world. I guess you could say that I do have my head in the clouds. I admit, I sometimes wish I’d never wake up from a dream. Something about the real world makes me sad. But I’ll have to endure it.” Wonwoo chuckled, dispensing with the sour feeling on his tongue.

“Imagine if this world really were an imperfect copy of heaven. If you took a picture of the imperfect sunset, you’d be committing two crimes. It would be a double whammy to take a copy of a copy. That’s why Plato never really appreciated theater, poetry and paintings that imitated the real world. That was because he thought the ‘real world’ was just a superficial world of appearances and shadows. Now who wants to take a picture of a shadow?” he laughed.

Mingyu just stood still, basking in the glow of Wonwoo countenance. He was trailing his eyes over Wonwoo’s perfect lips, prominent nose, alluring lashes, and defined brows. He supposed those features were the ‘superficial world’ of Wonwoo, but his eyes stopped moving when Wonwoo opened his mouth once more.

“But it’s not like Plato left us without a solution. Even if we do live in a world of appearances and shadows, there’s still a chance to acquire true knowledge. Remember when I told you about the idea of universal beauty?” Wonwoo asked, turning innocently towards the taller man.

Mingyu laid his eyes on him, hooked by the sound of Wonwoo’s voice. It really resonated within his heart and he opened his mouth in an attempt to speak, but he only nodded, aghast. It was like an angel’s voice was calling out to him, telling him to follow. Although he didn’t seem at all like he was completely aware, he was so enthusiastically entranced that he understood the voice like a man captivated by a flame, paying attention to the tiniest details.

“Well you see, Plato thought that beauty always pointed to knowledge. That’s why I guess you could say why fine arts are so fine, the works always make you contemplate what the artist is trying to convey, including even the literary elements in a story. Both an object on the concretized end of thinking, and a concept on the abstract end, can have aesthetic qualities that make you want to know more. That’s why some people call mathematical equations beautiful. I heard a guy once call Darwin’s theory that too. It’s so satisfying to solve a math problem. That’s why I’ll never get why people have to use drugs to get high.” Wonwoo said with a look of disapproval. 

“And I love music too. It doesn’t matter if it’s Nicki Minaj, Frank Sinatra, or Mozart, music is my medication.” he giggled. “If only people would stop trying to make themselves even more sad by listening to Sam Smith and Adele! Oh my god. Those types of songs are gonna make you even worse!” 

“I’m pretty sure I saw Amy Winehouse on your spotify.” Miingyu teased. The words seemed to come out automatic though, like a part of his brain was doing the thinking for him as the other part captivated by Wonwoo’s eyes remained there, satisfied. He couldn't get over how beautiful Wonwoo really looked with the orange glow staining one of his cheeks. He could listen to him forever.

“Bless her. She was one of a kind. The rest can go back to the school of Taylor Swift and learn how to complain about their boyfriends in a happier way.” 

“Yeah I don’t like sad songs either. Why put yourself through all that shit am I right?” 

“Haha. I suppose there's a cathartic element to it. It’s nice to cleanse your soul once in a while, but don't get sad just for the sake of being sad.” Wonwoo snorted.

“I just wish my ex-girlfriends had that mind-set. It would have saved them a lot of tears.” Mingyu winced.

“Okay you just had to flex didn’t you?” 

“Sorry that my life is so filled with things to brag about that it’s impossible to breathe and not be flexing.” 

“It’s impossible for you to breathe and not torment my existence. Anyways, we should have gotten enough pictures by now. We have so many weird pictures of wall crevices, the bicycle rack, cracks in the sidewalk. What other ‘unique’ ideas do you have.” 

“I have one last idea in mind. It’s funkier and more out there than the other pictures. Smile!.” Mingyu said, raising the camera and taking a picture of Wonwoo’s face. Mingyu saw the digital image manifest itself on the screen of the device and he lifted it up and studied it closer.

“Who do you think you are? Mona Lisa? I said smile.” Mingyu laughed. Sensing that Wonwoo lunged forward to take the camera from him, Mingyu stepped backward almost instantly. 

“Dickhead.” Wonwoo cursed.

“Relax. You look nice!” 

“It’s not me who you should worry about.” Wonwoo smirked. “My father is a very powerful man.” 

“Yeah sure. Trust me Won, after the first day your dad will like me more than Jun.”

“You already have an advantage anyways. Jun once smashed a window at our house one time.”

“Ouch. Well, you can count on me not to piss your dad off.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s not like you’d be anywhere close to him. He’s the CEO.” Wonwoo said as if Mingyu hadn’t known it. “Maybe in a couple of years. I’ll pray on that.”

Mingyu smiled as Wonwoo turned to face him completely, reinvigorating him with the confidence he needed. It wasn't as if Mingyu lacked self-esteem, but it was the sweet icing on the cake that made him cherish the other’s support. 

“I’ll probably have to sacrifice a lamb though. It won’t be easy work getting the favor of God for you. There’s a lot to work with.” Wonwoo said with crooked lips. 

Mingyu stepped forward, grabbing his smaller friend and patting his back. He let out a sigh, not knowing what to do with Wonwoo. 

“I wonder if your dad is as sadistic as you are.” he teased. “You must like getting me all riled up with pride and then taking it all away.”

“Oh if my father was then I wouldn’t have even suggested to you the idea of an internship.” Wonwoo laughed. “It’s my mother that you have to watch out for. But she’s mostly confined herself to her home only occasionally going out to dinner and to the salon. I’m not very bitter about her though. I can judge her and mourn my childhood. But she’s had a life of her own and it’s beyond my current knowledge.” 

Mingyu guided Wonwoo back inside. The taller’s arm scooted up from the other’s waist and to his shoulder in a more friendly position.. 

“My mom’s the opposite. I can’t wait for you to meet her actually. It sounds like you could use a childhood redo.” Mingyu grinned.

“Only if she’s not a cheek-pincher, then I’m down.”

“That’s her sister so you’re fine. Let’s make plans for winter break then!”

Wonwoo nodded enthusiastically, beaming with happiness at the thought of a handsome man like Mingyu actually granting him the honor of meeting his mother. It was cute that the other boy was so connected to her. He just hoped that Mingyu was capable of the same admiration and esteem for his future spouse. Wonwoo blushed at the thought.

III

“I’ll see you tomorrow right?” Mingyu asked.

“Yeah for sure. Even though I’m really reluctant about watching you butt heads with other guys, I’m really excited.”

“Good. Just don’t scream too loud. I don’t want my friends thinking you’re my boyfriend or anything.” Mingyu smirked.

“Someone sounds like they want me to replace the Gatorade shower with vinegar.” Wonwoo sang, placing his hands on Mingyu’s chest as he stumbled towards the taller boy. “Assuming if you can even win the game.” 

“You’ll see.” Mingyu taunted, puffing out his chest. 

Wonwoo let go of their pointless exchange, causing the air around them outside the lobby to feel cool.

“I have to get going. My father wanted me to go meet these people who he’s making a deal with. I guess he needed my special touch.” Wonwoo smiled.

Mingyu took Wonwo’s hand, bringing it from where it dangled by the other’s side to the place above his heart. “I just need your touch.” he murmured melodically.

Wonwoo tripped over his feet as he stepped back, repulsed by the Mingyu’s boldness.

“You’re weird Kim. If I ever end up found dead in the back of your truck no one would be surprised. I bet Jun and Minghao would appear in an interview on The Fifth Estate saying they always had a bad feeling about you.” Wonwoo laughed. 

“There’s only good vibes here.” Mingyu giggled. 

“I guess I got to go too. The guys don’t want me to miss practice. They’re counting on me.” he added, making a finger gun with his hand and clicking his tongue.

“Bye.” Wonwoo said softly, turning away slowly from the taller man. He really wished he could have stalled for extra time.

“Bye. Can’t wait to see you at the party tomorrow night right after we win.”

Wonwoo scoffed, striding towards the limo that had just pulled up.


	14. Protagoras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so Wonwoo meets a guy hehe. Something got me thinking when I wrote this, we should all try to find the meaning in our lives by thinking about morality and responsibility, nature, world religions etc. I'm so guilty of being on my phone all the time when I should be reading more and researching. Our worlds have become so minimized with the small screen of phones that it's like we've forgotten about the big world of history and nature outside! We need to get away from this valueless and meaningless void that has engulfed modernity! if you're interested in doing so theres some good books out there like Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, The Stranger by Albert Camus and so on.
> 
> OOO and everyone should check out Philis Wheatley's Poem's on Various Subjects, Religous and Moral, eeeee refreshinggg. Let's bring the visions of the future, spirituality and menaing back into our lives!

Gas Lamp was the name of the French brasserie a little ways inland from the ocean. It owed a large portion of its business to the snooty and chic neighbourhood which surrounded it. It’s patrons were wealthy of course, but one wouldn’t think that when they saw the restaurant from the outside. Indeed Wonwoo had fallen victim to the same assumption. His eyes lit up as he took in the decor of the place and he treaded carefully towards the maitre d.

Having gone home to change, Wonwoo was satisfied with the half-moon silver collar necklace he had chosen to contrast with his black turtleneck. He wore small studs on both ears, frugally choosing the ones made of nickel rather than diamond. The feeling of looking good outweighed the fakeness.

It wasn’t that he was trying to highlight his curvier-than-average form, but he wore faux leather pants whose slim silhouette bordered on the appearance of tights. It looked as though Kim Kardashian’s androgynous brother had walked into the room, making everyone gawk in the waiting area. Despite being the skinniest member of his friend group, it was like all of the excess on his bones had accumulated in all the right places, making his waist seem smaller than a supermodel’s but his hips the size of the average man’s. His shoulders extended over his hips, but his torso ran at an angle down to his waist, forming a perfect and rounded trapezoidal figure. Perhaps three fairies had blessed him with the perfect body type. It was what Donatello or Michaelangelo would have fantasized about and sculpted. 

Despite threatening to cut off his circulation, the tight-fitted clothes allowed for anyone familiar with the Jeon family to put a name to his figure nevermind his face. Perhaps that was why almost everyone in the restaurant observed him as he waited patiently at the podium. The hostess recognized him as well, and he saw that she wore one of the blouses he helped to design. She looked a little too old to be enrolled at his school, but her age range fit his target demographic nevertheless.

“Hi, reservations for Mr. Jeon. I’m meeting a few people here. There’s four of them I believe.” he asked, leaning back on the balls of his feet. His face -despite its glow and the decorative eyeshadow and lip gloss, remained expressionless. The hostess’s eyes blinked quickly and she smiled sheepishly as to not to look intimidated by a boy who looked more beautiful than her. She hid behind the podium to get a menu for him all the while wiping the sweat from her brow. Only then did Wonwoo bare his teeth, trying his best to appear normal and cool.

Wonwoo hasn’t even dressed to impress, rather, he simply put on the most elegant and lavish clothes he could find. He thought it would be amusing to play along with his father’s scheme. That AND he just liked mocking the rest of the materialistic and superficial aristocracy that his father belonged to. If he had a minute longer to wait for a table, he could have played the game of “guess who earned their money without the help of government favors and bribes.”

“Uh, I’m sorry Mr. Jeon but I haven’t seated a party of four, nor are there any names on the list that match yours.” She began, raking her fingers through her hair as she sifted through a bunch of papers. “Could I show you to a table, perhaps they expected you to arrive first and didn’t make a reservation.”

“That would make sense.” Wonwoo hummed, resting his hand on his hip as he searched the dining area for a group of four men in business suits. There was no sign of them, confirming what the girl had said. He exhaled, actually caught by surprise once again by what his father was really planning. “I’d like a table then, thank you.”   
“Sure no problem, right this way.” 

They proceeded down an aisle formed by a row of booths attached to the right side of the wall and a cluster of tables on the left. Mirrors lined the wall on his right and he observed the occupants of each booth by their reflections as he strode behind the woman. It seemed as though everyone else was dressed in the same manner as him, but it didn’t take away from the humor in the whole thing. Not only were the restaurant’s patrons completely obsessed with themselves in the regard that they’d check themselves in the mirror every time they got bored, but that was only after they took a ‘break’ from texting their friends across the table from them.

He was just about to bow to the woman who led him to his table when he heard his name being called. It didn’t have an echo, nor did it have any depth to it. The voice sounded raspy, as though it had been pre-recorded, brushing the the tip of his ear.

“Mr. Jeon.” it said plainly, as if whoever had addressed him was familiar with him. It hadn’t been a question nor had it indicated any sort of surprise. It was more knowing than kind, almost demanding that he turn around.

Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, causing the hostess to wince. “Is that your friend sir?” She asked, leaning her head towards a man who sat in the booth diagonal to where Wonwoo was standing. In the mirror lining the wall he saw a pale man with brown hair combed over on one side. Before he could notice any of the details of the man’s face, Wonwoo realized the guy had been looking at him through the mirror and spun around in the hopes of making the man jolt and lose the smirk on his face. But the guy only bit his lips. 

“How do you know my name?” Wonwoo more or less demanded, hunching his shoulders as he stalked closer to the table. 

“Uh…” the guy chuckled, “We go to the same college. You’re really popular.” he smiled, leaning into the cushion behind him. His eyes moved towards the hostess and he nodded at her. “He’ll be sitting with me if that’s okay.” 

Her breath hitched, either from his handsomeness or from the fact that she did not know the protocol for these types of situations. They must not have a lot of them at these kinds of places, Wonwoo thought. He wondered if they looked like ex-boyfriends.

“Mr. Jeon, we'll find you another seat far away from this man if you’d like… I’m terribly sorry for the intrusion I-“ 

“I’ll be joining him, thank you. I guess my father’s standards have lowered when it comes to choosing people to make deals with.” Wonwoo grinned, bowing to her. The lady pursed her lips and skirted off, leaving the two to stare at each other.

“Why don’t you sit down Won, I don’t bite.”

”Your bark must be worse then.” Wonwoo smiled, not failing to notice the smirk between the man’s cheek bones. His dimples could have tempted Wonwoo into calling him cute if he didn't smile like he’d already managed to get Wonwoo in bed with him. After he was through with the stranger, Wonwoo hoped that that man wouldn’t ever be able to recover his self-esteem again. But when he looked at the other from across the table, it didn’t look so much like self-esteem, it was more like self-possession.

“What are you smiling at? I haven’t even asked you out yet.” The guy said, wiggling his eyebrows. “The name’s Jaehyun by the way. I thought you should know. You can’t kiss a stranger.”

Wonwoo chuckled lightly as his head fell back. He spotted the other man through his eye lashes and grinned. 

“This will be interesting.” 

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun asked.

“I thought my father would have chosen Mr. Wang instead.” 

“For what”

“To boost the company’s assets of course. What else would be on his mind.”

“You are certainly one of his assets. I’ve never seen anyone with a smile as beautiful as yours.”

“Thank you.” Wonwoo replied, not really caring if he sounded gracious or humbled. He scratched his neck as he looked in the mirror. Mingyu usually made him so anxious that he’d develop a rash on the spot he was touching. His lips pursed at the fact that despite Jaehyun’s handsomeness, the man had no effect on him. That thought reminded Wonwoo that he was still there. He could have forgotten about Jaehyun if the guy hadn’t made him want to strangle him. 

Wonwoo sighed, fixing his turtleneck. He mindlessly wondered if the man still had that smirk on his face.

“This is when you’re supposed to ask me if I come here often.” Wonwoo said bluntly. “I guess I should make our ‘date’ smoother then, it’s the least I could do since you’re paying.”

“I-, well, someone’s really bold.” 

You’re the one who asked my father to set up this whole thing. I think he was more delighted by your courage than your actual skills. I’ve known about you ever since you drafted those blueprints. But I never knew your face. I can’t say I’m disappointed, but I don’t think you’re here because your career is as promising as it sounds. You may have gotten a promotion but you're still far away from ever getting a chance to speak to me again. That’s my honest opinion” Wonwoo said, dragging out the words to make them extra painful.

“And no, my father never told me. I figured it out for myself. It was obvious that there was no business meeting, he said something about ensuring the fate of the company. He may be good at subcontracting jobs and investments, but this... this is personal. He was never good at those kinds of things. For heaven's sake, that’s how I ended up here. I think we could salvage this blind date if we’re open with each other, a good relationship can’t be set upon lies.” Wonwoo laughed, almost deliriously. 

“Wise words. But you don’t sound like you’re into business. Usually when you're honest you can’t climb to the top. Mr. Jeon’s your father so I guess that explains why you’ve been so successful though. It’s nice having daddy always catch you if you fall.”

“I’m beginning to think your looks are the only thing about you that doesn’t make the girls want to slap you.”  
“Sorry, did I offend you princess?”

“No, it just strikes me that you came off as you knew me when in reality you don’t know anything. Well… forgive me, that’s a conversation stopper.” Wonwoo hiccuped. 

“I don’t mind. Even if you insulted me I’d still stay.” 

“Then which do you value? Your dignity or your pride?” Wonwoo asked, feeling as if he already knew the answer.

“They aren’t the same?” Jaehyun replied, furrowing his brows.

“No. One’s a sin, the other isn't.”

“Gee, I didn’t think you’d go all out Socrates on me, but uh, hold on, let me think. Uhhh, could you define them.” Jaehyun grinned, however he couldn't hide his embarrassment.

“I’d say the proper definition of pride is when you hold yourself in high esteem so much so that you can’t see reason. I guess you could say that’s being stubborn, but it’s more like being too attached to something inside of you that’s difficult to let go, rather than simply not budging on an issue. What makes it a sin in my opinion is that pride preserves the qualities in humans in a manner that emboldens humans to think of themselves as gods. When someone achieves something, they’ve either satisfied their own goals established by reason, or they have validated some urge or desire in them to be superior and better than others. That is why pride is considered the deadliest of sins in my book.”

“Dignity is really just the value that one has as a moral agent, which is why I can’t say those who commit immoral acts still have their dignity in the sense of self-respect. It’s basically self-respect versus pride.” Wonwoo smiled.

“Okay now why would I answer a question like that?” Jaehyun chuckled. “You trying to put me in a box or something. Isn’t your God supposed to deliver the Final Judgement, if that’s the case then I’d prefer to be left alone. I’ll wait till it's my time.”

“All I can say is this, when it comes to being happy, if my pride is what makes me happy then so be it with dignity or morals and all that shit.” Jaehyun laughed, bumping his head against the booth and banging the table.

Wonwoo only watched him act like an animal, and he didn’t respond. He respected the decision-making power of human beings enough not to. After all, Adam and Eve were given free reign over the garden of Eden but they still screwed it up. Wonwoo simply snorted, untying the ribbon around his napkin and utensils. The waiter came just a second after and Jaehyun ordered for Wonwoo. The latter smiled, at least Jaehyun wasn’t a jerk completely.

II

“The place looked so quaint that I didn’t expect it to be this formal, more or less someone of your tastes to come here.” Wonwoo said, lowering his eyes towards the solid gold bezel of Jaehyun’s rolex watch. “If I had known this was a blind date, I would have at least suggested we go to the library. When I have a book and my coffee I’m pretty much pacified.” 

“Are you telling me that just so I wouldn’t have to spend money on you? Believe me, I could spend any amount just so long as you keep those pretty eyes on me and not any other man.” Jaehyun smiled, placing his hands behind his head and displaying his biceps.

Wonwoo watched Jaehyun’s pupils move from one side of his face to the other, as if the older was expecting him to flinch or blush. But the man wasn’t Mingyu. Mingyu may not have been an attack dog like Jaehyun, but at least the puppy could learn. 

“Oh I’m sorry.” the younger let out, almost wheezing. “Is that what you thought? No, of course not silly! I told you that because I get bored when I don’t have anything intellectually stimulating.” Wonwoo giggled. “Like right now.” 

“Really? Mingyu didn’t strike me as the type that would discuss- ehh I don’t know, Isaac Newton’s cosmology, St. Anselm’s ontology, the philosophy of computer science? I always took him as a knucklehead.” 

“You have a take on a lot of people it seems. Don’t think I don’t know your reputation among the cheerleaders.” Wonwoo said, covering his mouth as he giggled.

Jaehyun gawked, catching himself breaking character. “I guess we both know things about each other.” He coughed.

“You seem to have a vast amount of knowledge concerning what I’m into. I see you haven’t been limited just to the football field. You must be lucky that you haven’t damaged your brain yet. I could have sworn you guys were all the same. I guess we all make mistakes. But from what your main point entails, I can tell you that Mingyu’s a great listener, he’s even better than you.”

“Are you saying that I spied on you or something?” Jaehyun asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

“I never said anything about that.” Wonwoo whistled, drifting off into his own fantasy land.

“You’re something Wonwoo. I’m glad your father set this up.” 

“He didn’t set anything up in reality.” Wonwoo interjected as if he had been insulted. “I came here voluntarily. I suppose you could say I took the bait. Cut me some slack, a lion can’t resist the buffalo when it’s hungry. You should know that I’m smarter than that. And you should have known not to come here. But now I have to sit through all of this just to tell you ‘no’ at the end of the night. Just think… men all over the world are spending their own money just to get rejected.” Wonwoo snickered. 

“Why haven’t you left then Won? You could have said no and been on your way. Probably didn’t expect me to look this handsome.”

“The food was free.” Wonwoo said bluntly. “And I didn’t expect you to be this arrogant. But I didn’t think that arrogance could bleed into boldness. I was sort of hoping you were a covert narcissist who only brags when they’re asked. So if I didn’t ask, I wouldn’t haven’t to listen to you. Plain and simple.”

“That’s definitely not me.” Jaehyun laughed. 

“Well I’m not asking you to change. It’s not like we’re married or anything.” 

“Imagine if that were the case. Maybe I need someone to keep me in check, be like the older sibling I never had.”

“Or the mother?” Wonwoo asked. His voice was destitute of any emotion. He did not take pleasure or pain in uttering the sentence, nor did he fail to hear Jaehyun’s breath hitch.

“What?”

“I was wondering if you had a mother.”

“That’s a very personal question, I- I didn’t think you had it in you-”

“I don’t know what’s in me to be honest.”

“Well, I was adopted. But then my mother passed away. I’ve recovered from her death since then. I’m better than ever, truly.” Jaehyun forced a grin, blurting everything out in one sentence. It didn’t seem like there was much to the story.

Wonwoo was wondering if Jaehyun’s situation had compromised his social skills. Just from his looks and charm Wonwoo doubted that the other would fail at connecting with anyone. But that was at the superficial level however. It really didn’t seem to go deeper than that, and he wanted to shred Jaehyun apart just to do him a favor. Maybe the older boy could start all over again in the privacy of their meeting. It wasn’t like any cute girls were around to make fun of him, nevermind his football friends. 

“That’s unfortunate. I’m open to talking about it if you’d just drop the act.” 

“Don’t act like you get me Wonwoo, it’s our first date.” Jaehyun smirked, ‘tsk-tsk’ing.

“And our last, if you don’t tell me why you’re here, really.” Wonwoo said somberly, his voice coming out in a low hum.

“Don’t play with me like that. You know why I’m here.” Jaehyun said, daring Wonwoo to reply. He clicked his tongue, looking at Wonwoo with admiration. “You’re one of a kind Wonwoo. I think you’re the one who needs to drop the act. Wait, scratch that, I’m convinced that you need to.”

“Am I that good at accidentally persuading people with my acting? What makes you think that I’m putting on an act? I’m just curious.” the younger said quietly, resting his chin on his head and leaning closer.

“The way you speak to Mingyu and how you look at him. It’s all different from how you speak to me. There are alot of eyes on you, just saying.” 

“It doesn’t mean that they all really pay attention. Besides, I know what you’re trying to do, you’re trying to corner me as if I were a rat. And I won’t plead the fifth, I’ll open my mouth if you drive me to that point. I could give you a load of bricks that you could build a wall with but it still won’t stop me. So long as I don’t care. I’m just that elusive.”

“Maybe you’re the one who needs to take a narcissistic personality test.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“That never came across my mind. I’m so flattered you thought about my mental health. I always thought it was called learning how to survive.” Wonwoo said, widening his eyes in fake disbelief. He took a sip of his water, throwing away the sarcasm. 

Jaehyun only shook his head. “You don’t get it. I know you enough now to understand you. Crazy right? I’ve already poked so many holes in your persona that there isn’t any of it left to decipher.” 

“That’s the true mark of a narcissist, thinking you’ve gotten inside my mind. If only that were the case maybe someone could tell me what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’m just love sick.” 

“For Mingyu?”

“No, I’d been infatuated with men well before I had laid my eyes on any of them in real life and had been conscious of it. It all started when I had seen one in a superhero comic. I guess my standards have never lowered since. I’ve yet to see such a man that exists.” Wonwoo whispered, eyes falling from the wall to Jaehyun’s sculpted face. He wasn’t trying to mock the older boy, nor was he trying to boost his self esteem. That was something men had to earn, it was not given to them. If it were given to them, then there’d be no chase, nor hunt and pursuit. Now where was the fun in that? 

“Sounds like a lie.” 

“Now you know me.” Wonwoo laughed. “I really went all out on that one. Most of what I said was true, but I haven’t looked at Mingyu like I have looked at anyone else, nor do I want to. I’m in love with him and I will always remain faithful, even if we aren’t married.” Wonwoo said, his voice becoming more emotional, but not strained. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes but he also took joy in playing with Jaehyun. At least that’s what he got out of it.

“Ha, it’s only our first date and we’re already making progress. I can’t believe you told me before Mingyu though. Kinda odd.” Jaehyun laughed.

“Not when he’s the only man in the world that’s too good to be true. It’s like my whole life hangs in his hands, romantically of course. I think I could survive without him, but I can’t say I’d truly be alive. So when you have a fifty-percent chance of something going wrong, it’s anything but odd to not risk it all.”

“Aren’t I living proof of success though? I risked it all and I got you sitting at this table across from me.” the older man said, resting his arms on the table.

“Really?” Wonwoo asked, fighting back laughter. “What did you risk? Your own pride. If things didn’t go as planned the only thing you would have lost would be your arrogance. You’d still have a job and my father would have just patted you on the back as if you were a baby. Meanwhile I’d get passed along to Mr. Wang. But my main point is, when you're a jerk, the only way is up. So it’s not like you have anything to lose here.” he scoffed.

“C’mon Wonwoo, what did I do to you for you to fill your head with all those thoughts? You need a drink.” 

“No thanks, I don’t drink. And even if I did I’d know if you’d laced it with something.”

“Now I don’t think your dad would have allowed you to go on a date with me then.”

“Believe me, I’ve met worse.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“At your father’s company?”

“Yes. It’s a breeding ground for scum, if not a magnet.”

“Hmm, what about Mr. Muller?” 

“Him?” Wonwoo gaped, “He has such a personality it’s impossible not to like him.”

“So you didn’t mind that he came to pick you up the other day?” Jaehyun asked, smirking of course.

“I don’t have as much of a problem with him than I do my father. Funny you should mention that. I didn’t know you wanted Mingyu out of the picture that much.”

“I’m not gonna beat him up or anything.” Jaehyun huffed. 

“I didn’t think you were either.” 

“I’ll settle it on the football field tomorrow then. Let’s see how your boyfriend does then. You can talk to me about dignity after.” 

III

“This is it. Thank you for dinner.” Wonwoo said quietly, looking down at his feet. The limo driver was just about to get out when Jaehyun knocked on the window and told him he’d be walking Wonwoo home. 

Jaehyun got out and strode around the back of the vehicle, fixing his suit before he reached the door. Wonwoo reluctantly extended his hand as Jaehyun stepped forward to take it. 

“Forget the address, I don’t want you knocking on my door after this.” Wonwoo muttered. 

“Why? Were you disappointed with tonight?” Jaehyun said, pulling Wonwoo closer to him as he opened the lobby’s doors.

“It was what I expected it to be.” Wonwoo said smoothly. “I’ll make sure to tell my father how wonderful it was. Anything to get you off my back.” 

“No!” Jaehyun said, spinning Wonwoo towards him so that that his hands clutched the younger’s arms. “That’s not why I went on this blind date. I think your beautiful, smart, witty. Everything! It was your looks that drew me towards you, but now I just want to have you more. I bet you didn’t know that, I bet you're surprised.” Jaehyun breathed, nostrils flaring as his grip tightened. But really Wonwoo could tell that the man wasn’t so strong in the heart.

“Get your hands off me.” Wonwoo gritted, regaining his composure after taking a step back “And I reserve my right to privacy. That’s one of the fundamental tenets of civilization you know. If you infringe on that then I won’t be so civilized.” Wonwoo smiled, giving one last look at Jaehyun before quietly storming off to the elevator.

“Mingyu’s gonna have to work extra hard to keep you then.” Jaehyun whispered, shaking his head as he marveled at Wonwoo who appeared behind the elevator doors.


	15. Timaeus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I chose the title Timaeus because it was one of Plato's books that theorized/described the origins of the universe. So for this chapter I tried to create a starting point from where values and love have their origins 'psychologically' not anthropologically or biologically. I think there are subconscious and biological elements to love of course, but I also think that the concept of love is as mysterious as the idea of free will. I can't really explain it but I had to start somehwere. When I write about love I'm lead to conclude that there are selfish and individualistic aspects to it in the sense that one can only love someone because they are a value to them. And they are valued because they are a unqiue individual and another person recognizes this fact. So yeah hehe.

“Won, how much did you say the tickets cost? I want to make sure I have enough for snacks.” Jun called from the back seat where he and Minghao had been joking around with each other.

“I forgot. I never found out anyways. Mingyu paid for me.” 

“Yooo you say it like he just paid for a friend.” Jun said, struggling to make his words coherent as his mouth contorted from laughter.  
“Because he did.” Wonwoo sighed, angrily staring at the road in front of him.

“No no no, he’s courting you. I read in this werewolf romance that that’s what Alpha’s do for their mates. It’s a sign!” Minghao gasped. 

“I read in a murder mystery once that two guys got murdered because they wouldn’t shut up.” 

“What are you gonna do Won? Have your puppy bark at us?” Jun snickered.

“If he’s really a werewolf he’d tear us to shreds. Now that’s enough Jun, Wonie’s trying to focus on the road.” 

“Thanks Hao, let me know if you need help burying Jun’s body.” Wonwoo hiccuped. “I can’t believe parking is so expensive. Those college administrators are paid enough!” 

“Yeah Wonwoo when you become a professor at school you should say something. After you get tenure though.” 

“That’s only if I’m good enough to be one. I still have to make sure my job is stable enough to hold me over. I’ve seen an internship opportunity posted so I’m going to go after that first. I don’t want to get caught up in my aspirations you know?” 

“Keep telling yourself that Wonwoo but I wouldn't worry. Minghao and I had a bet on if you're actually going to to become a computer-info-scientist whatever, or if the book your writing will be enough so that you won't have to work a day in your life.” 

“Gee I hope the last one turns out to be true.” Wonwoo laughed as he pulled into the parking lot. In the distance they could see the football stadium rising towards the sky above multiple tents and stands that sold t-shirts and food. 

“Ugh! Why did you park so far away? I don’t think I can make it. Can you motivate me?” Jun pouted, giving puppy-dog eyes to Minghao.

“Really?” Minghao asked blankly.

“At least he didn’t ask you to carry him.” Wonwoo snickered.

“Fine.” Minghao groaned, face suddenly morphing into a smile. “You can do it! I know you can!”  
“I think Jun wanted you to reward him with a kiss.” Wonwoo smiled deviously, causing Mingaho’s strained and tightened cheeks to flush red.

“Maybe more.” Jun added.

“You have been so demanding and it’s not even noon!” Minghao said, exasperated.

“Hao you missed out on a lot of what I’ve been through with Jun.” 

“I’m grateful.”

“Wonwoo you’re gonna trip if you keep looking at your phone. Are you waiting that much for Mingyu to text you?”

“Shut up, he’s been texting me since I told him we arrived. He told me to meet him underneath the bleachers.”

“Why?” Jun asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I have some energy pills for him. Highly illegal.”

“What! You better be joking!”

“I was.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Now scoot you two. Text me where you’re sitting. Jeonghan and Vernon should already be on the bleachers by now.” 

“Okay, let us know if Mingyu’s a good kisser.” Jun snorted.

“For once I concur.” Mingaho added.

“Not you too!” Wonwoo smiled, looking back to wave at the two. “See ya.” 

II

“Alright, when their offense runs through, you guys are gonna let them continue down the field. Don’t tackle their running back, push forward against their lineback instead. That will make it look like you’re actually doing something, okay?”

Wonho simply scratched his head. “Wait wait wait. Can you go over that again?”  
“Idiot.” he muttered before looking over at his other friend. “Changkyun, you listening?” Jaehyun asked, eyeing the other boy who was tying his cleats on the bench across from them. 

“Yeah I forgot everything that you said sorry. Maybe if you let us have a go at Wonwoo, it would give us well, I don’t know, an incentive?” 

“Don’t make me come over there and shove you in a locker. Coach will be wondering where you are if you piss me off.” 

“Okay okay! I’m all ears.” Changkyun sighed.

Jaehyun wiped the sweat from his forehead. All of this scheming was really exhausting his abilities to think about anything else. Mr. Jeon’s endorsement wasn’t enough apparently. He sort of forgot that Wonwoo was his own person.

“So. Changkyun, as an outside linebacker, you are going to cover one of the receivers or blitz the quarterback. Do NOT tackle the runnerback or any of their guard. Let Mingyu take the brunt of their offense. As goes for you…” Jaehyun said, giving Wonho’s shoulder a shove to get his attention. “As a defensive end, you’re going to go after their tight end. Leave the other team’s quarterback and offensive ends to Mingyu. Go after their wide receiver if you have to, just get far away from that guy as possible. We need to make him look like a fool after he gets run over by the other team.”

“He won’t have anyone to help him.” Changkyun grinned.

“Finally, someone didn’t lose all their brain cells partying. I promise, you can have as many drinks as you want tonight.” 

“And as much of who we want.” Wonho said smugly. 

“Not unless you have a death wish.” Jaehyun said, gritting his teeth.

“I’m just sayin Jae. Wonwoo’s really hot. You can’t expect us to have any self-control.”

“I never did.” Jaehyun replied. “But I think fear’s more powerful than self-control. And you should know who to be afraid of. If it's not me then it’s Mingyu.” 

“If Mingyu’s that strong then I don’t know why we’re going through with this. Do you hate the guy that much to make us lose a game? If he fails then their quarterback is gonna get through our lines and score.” Changkyun said, blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes. 

“I know the consequences but my mission’s more important. And I don’t hate the guy, this is just business.” 

“So you just want Wonwoo for the money?” Wonho asked.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, what I have for Wonwoo is personal and Mingyu just happens to be in the way. I don’t get mad at the rain if it soaks me, so... he shouldn’t either. If he does then he should go back to biology class and learn about the survival of the fittest. Only the alpha gets the mate.” Jaehyun smirked.

“The victor makes history while the loser writes memoirs.” Wonho said, blowing air through his lips.

“And the alpha gets to eat first aye?” Changkyun giggled.

“Back off! Are you completely unaware that there are a gazillion hot cheerleaders outside. You should be grateful, without me you guys would be losers and you would have no chances with them.”

“Damn okay. They’re just a backup.” Wonho laughed. “But I respect your assertiveness.” 

“And I tolerate your stupidity.”

III

As Wonwoo rounded the corner of the bleacher stands, he spotted the tall and broad figure of his friend leaning against a support beam. Mingyu was brooding of course, that was, until he spotted Wonwoo glowing in the lines of sunlight that shone through the cracks in the bleachers. Wonwoo wore a white sweater that resembled polar bear fur that had been buzz cut. A red mini square scarf was wrapped around his neck like a bandana, but it did not make his face pale and translucent. Rather, his red-tinted lips grew darker with the contrast of his sweater. Black nylon pants hugged his legs and with thick white lines running down the side. The clothes weren’t all that elegant, but Woonwoo was able to pull it off. With his slim mesomorphic figure, it made the fluffy sweater look like a sheet of cotton, squeezing his waist and shoulders. The shorter even decided to wear a gold-tinged earring that ever so slightly dangled above his collarbones. It glimmered in the sunlight, twinkling as it led Mingyu’s eyes to the other’s pale and unblemished neck. Wonwoo of course didn’t want to ruin his well-kept figure with something that loosely flung about.

Even in the shadows the shorter boy could still see the other’s defined jawline, animated expression, and the pointy teeth which made him shiver right at the time when cool air blew through the promenade of support beams and rusted bars.

Wonwoo felt like it was the first time meeting the other in a forest of some sorts, where shadows made everything seem dangerous and spooky. That was how Mingyu looked now, but only to someone who did not know how to interpret the evidence of their senses and not just take them for granted. The taller boy watched him with that trademark smirk of his, following the movement of his slender legs through the long and neglected reeds of grass. 

“Quit looking at me like you want to eat me.” Wonwoo shouted, aware that the spectators above them were too busy chatting away or having their hands noisily fish for popcorn in paper bags. 

“I’m not.” Mingyu pursed his lips, still watching Wonwoo stepped closer. He leaned on one of his legs and laid the other forward and across, taunting Wonwoo to step into the shadows. “You looked pretty excited before you had to come here. You afraid of the dark or something? And why were you prancing around here like little Red in the first place?” Mingyu huffed, tightening his arms that were crossed around his white football jersey.

“First of all, I wasn’t prancing, I was just letting off some steam. I’m really anxious. I don’t want you suffering a head injury or anything.” Wonwoo said, shriveling up and retracting his tiny hands into sweater paws. “And plus, this is the perfect spot for me to be mugged by one of your bummy friends.” he added, rolling his eyes.

Mingyu already thought that Wonwoo couldn’t get any more adorable when Wonwoo was wearing a sweater while throwing a tantrum. He stomped closer to him all the while Wonwoo took on the appearance of a harmless bunny. Uncrossing his arms, he extended them around the other’s torso, clasping his hands together as he juggled his football helmet and gloves. 

“Don’t worry I’ll protect you. But you still owe me for last time.” 

“I haven’t forgotten. And I don’t think I’d be able to put up much of a fight. Even if it was Minghao. Maybe once I move on to the cybersecurity course that’s part of my major I can hack into the other teams school computers and change their grades to get them kicked off the team. I could pay you back through that. Revenge is even sweeter when it’s done for your friends.” Wonwoo smiled, reaching up and poking Mingyu’s nose as the taller boy held his elbows.

“Wonu chill out, their team is completely friendly.” the other replied, shaking Wonwoo as if he were trapped in a nightmare. “They aren’t as rough as the really serious ones. Besides, I’m way too tall for them to reach up here.” Mingyu smiled, tapping his head.

“Did I just hear a hollow sound?” Wonwoo giggled.

“No. But I can hear your bones being crushed. Do you ever eat?” Mingyu asked, furrowing his brows. “My whole hand can go around your wrist twice.” 

“Do you ever keep your hands to yourself Kim? I swear, one day…”

“One day you’re gonna keep your mouth shut because you know I’m right.” 

Wonwoo stepped back, looking up at the taller as if his the guy wasn’t actually hollow but just full of himself. “You’re going to have to make me. I’m not that easy to beat into submission.” he added, trying to dispense with the metallic taste those words had put on his tongue. He supposed his father learned that, and Wonwoo had made it hard for him to.

“I could make you shut up right now if I wanted to. Even if your twig legs tried to run I’d still catch up to you. You see, I always win.”

“Could you get any more off putting? Save that kind of energy for the field.” Wonwoo laughed. “AH!” he squealed, being yanked into Mingyu’s chest once more as the guy tried to wrestle him into standing still. 

“When are you going to hug your friend back like you really mean it?” Mingyu asked, squishing his cheek with the side of Wonwoo’s face.

“When my friend stops acting like an attention-seeking puppy.” Wonwoo said bluntly, causing Mingyu to wince. “Just kidding. But I’m going to be honest. It’s kind of weird to hug people. I’ve desperately wanted to embrace someone and feel warm at the same time, but I can’t without feeling uncomfortable. I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s the first time I never understood myself.” Wonwoo sighed, trying but failing to smirk and mask the awkwardness of his tone. “It even feels weird to say this to you.” 

“So… you don’t want me to hug you anymore?” Mingyu grimaced, backing up as he tried to inspect Wonwoo’s expression for any sign of disgust and displeasure, but Wonwoo’s eyes instead conveyed desperation and longing. It was a bit too overwhelming for the taller, even if he was more about his emotions than Wonwoo. He supposed that was in fact what caused him to react that way. Anyone with the slightest awareness of what a pained face really looked like would have been incinerated by the waves of heat and anxiety emanating from the boy’s entire being. It almost seemed as though he were possessed so much by his emotions that he was just that, anxiety and frustration itself. 

“No!” Wonwoo lashed out, literally chasing Mingyu as he stepped back. “That’s not what I was trying to say. You see, I’ve never been hugged before like that. Sure my friends give me side-hugs or my relatives greet me, but all I ever feel is someone’s arms on me. It’s no different than laying your head on a pillow, it’s all just, fabric and flesh.” 

“Didn’t your parents ever hug you or anything?” Mingyu asked, determined to solve Wonwoo’s problem then and there. He knew the emotional weight of the words he had spoken, but there was a cost to acquiring knowledge.

“No. But I don’t want a pity party. There are kids who have it way worse.” Wonwoo snorted. “My job is to cheer you on, not make you feel bad for me. And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to embarrass you so bad that you wished your mom came instead.”

Mingyu stared at Wonwoo, failing to laugh. He was still caught up in what Wonwoo said but also how he said it. What sort of childhood did this kid have that would make him brush off the fact that he was never hugged by his parents before? It all made Mingyu furrow his brows and strain his eyes with enough force that it was inevitable he’d detach his retina. A couple seconds passed before Mingyu realized the joke that Wonwoo had made. He pretended to make it seem like he’d spent all that time trying to figure out what was funny about it.

“Uh sorry, but with how bad that joke was, I’d say you are my mom.” 

“Oh my god.” Wonwoo dragged out, shoving Mingyu’s shoulder. “Don’t ever say that again. Didn’t I already tell you that! I swear you have some type of Oedipus Complex or something.”

“Whatever, forget what I said. I’m laying down the law here so listen up. You know you can tell me anything. Right?” Mingyu asked, grabbing Wonwoo’s shoulders and leaning down. 

“Yeah, I don’t need your permission.” the other scoffed. “Have you met me?” Wonwoo asked, giving the guy a dirty look. His arms came to rest on his hips, looping over Mingyu’s whose were attached to his waist.

“I don’t know if I’ve met all of you yet.” Mingyu whispered. His gaze could have bored holes in solid platinum just as they did Wonwoo’s character. Heck, even Jaehyun wasn’t this successful at breaking him down, and that guy had spent hours trying to deconstruct him with words. Here, Wonwoo felt like jello. And he hadn’t even kissed the other boy yet. He almost regretted to think that the idea was tantalizing, but the more rational part of him told him it was dangerous. Perhaps there was a way to integrate his passion with reason and purpose. He wouldn’t ever find the motivation to do so if moments like these weren’t so demanding in the respect that he wanted to jump up and kiss the guy.

Wonwoo’s focus had drifted off towards one of the shadows underneath the bleachers, as if his subconscious mind did not want to meet the adoring look Mingyu was giving him. Whether he was worthy of it or scared of it were two factors he had to consider. But it was just too painful to do so. The fact that he had to deal with unresolved issues in his ‘unconscious’ -if there was such a thing, coupled with external threats and discoveries in the external world made life seem more difficult than it already was. It was as if he were trapped between the never-ending expanse of outer space and the unexplored deep sea. There was so much to learn yet he was supposed to make the biggest decision in his life at the moment. 

With all of the tussling they had done they found themselves out from underneath the bleachers. Currently the sun was being blocked by Mingyu’s full head of brown hair, allowing Wonwoo to admire the chiseled face of his captor. He could just surrender to him now, he thought. But not without a fight. Mingyu had to earn what was priceless, destroy his own destructive attitude, and sabotage his own self-sabotage. 

“A part of you is scary enough though.” Mingyu added sheepishly. 

“Thank you.” Wonwoo breathed, as if Mingyu really had kissed him. He closed his eyes as if to collect himself. Then a second later they blew wide open, realizing that Mingyu had a schedule.

“Oh my gosh, what time is it? Do you even know when your game starts?” 

“Yeah, it starts in fifteen minutes.” 

“Then what are you doing here, talking to me?! You have to go see your teammates!” 

“Why would I when I can just stay with you?” Mingyu whined, not even budging when Wonwoo exerted as much force as he could on trying to get Mingyu to start walking towards the field.

“Great. So now it’s going to be my fault that your team is going to lose because one of their best hasn’t warmed up with his teammates and will end up pulling a muscle?” 

“Well I got a lot of them so it doesn’t matter.”

“That's what everyone says about their brain cells when they get drunk. Now go or else I won’t go with you to the party.” 

“Alright alright I’m going. Let’s not get hasty here. There’s just one thing I wanted to tell you. I was planning to tell you this before but now I’m really certain. And, I think you’d like to hear what I have to say, not because I’m arrogant or anything but because I think it would be good for you. But that’s not the reason why I wanted to tell you about it. Uh... It’s kind of selfish of me but it would make- uh- it would make me really happy to tell you- the thing. I think you’d feel the same way about it. So... yeah. ” 

“You just made it more difficult.” 

“Ahh forget it then.” Mingyu grumbled, cursing to himself and turning away from the other.

Wonwoo simply touched the back of his shoulder, causing Mingyu to tense..

“Hey, ‘you can tell me anything” Wonwoo grinned, caressing Mingyu’s shoulder and coming around to take Mingyu’s helmet.

“Lean down.” Wonwoo called, gesturing for Mingyu to tilt his head as Wonwoo lined the helmet up with his head.

“What?” Mingyu replied, gawking at Wonwoo’s nonchalant attitude.

“Lean down so I can help you with this.” 

“Oh uh…” Mingyu breathed, chuckling as he raked his fingers through his hair. “I thought you were gonna give me a kiss or something.” 

Wonwoo spat out air as one would spit out their drink, looking up at Mingyu like the man had no filter. 

“Yeah, maybe a kiss of death.” Wonwoo said, appearing agitated by Mingyu’s shamelessness.

“I’d still accept that.” 

“Ugh, just look down at the ground!” 

Wonwoo stepped closer to fasten the helmet below Mingyu’s chin and fit it around his head. It only took him a moment but time seemed to move at a snail's pace in those few seconds.

“Ow!” Wonwoo winced, getting a small paper cut on one of the edges of the helmet.

“What? Is my jawline that sharp?” 

“No, it’s just that your helmet is so old. How long have you had this? Isn’t this supposed to be new?”

“Yeah but coach let me paint it with the school’s emblem. It’s my lucky helmet. I’ve had it since freshman year.”

“So your brain hasn’t gotten bigger? Explains a lot.”

“Hey, what’s getting bigger is your ego and the whole your digging .” 

Wonwoo smiled at him, leaning on his tiptoes and tapping the top of Mingyu’s helmet like he was taming a beast. The taller closed his eyes but only for a millisecond, forgetting he was wearing a helmet and thinking that Wonwoo was actually going to give him a peck. 

“You got everything? Mouthguard, shinpads, your brain?” 

“Everything but luck.” 

“Luck? The Jedi say there’s no such thing.” Wonwoo grinned.

“The what now?”

Wonwoo only sighed, blowing air through his clenched teeth. “I guess I really am a nerd.”

“Yeah. A hot one.”

Wonwoo’s eyes lost all emotion in them but his face worked against him, flushing red.

“I was just saying that to make you feel better.” Mingyu chuckled, poking his arm. 

“Oh really? I never needed your compliments. Four guys are already enough. I must be really hot if the guys on your team tried to ask me out.”

“Wait what? The most I can think of is Sehun, Wonho and Changkyun. But I wouldn’t say the last two asked you out. Touching your butt isn’t the same as courting someone. Unless you’re trying to flatter yourself.” 

“Okay well they still showed interest! You only got Tyuzu. So there, I win.”

“It’s not like you guys did the dirty so I’d stop bragging. Plus I’ve had a bunch of girlfriends in the past and that number could increase after tonight” Mingyu winked. “Never thought I’d be having this conversation with a Christian though.” 

“No, your dirty mind is corrupting your perception. Don’t make me wash your mouth out with holy water.” 

“Alright I admit I jumped there a little bit. But the whole Tyuzu thing wasn’t even real, I mean- ugh I’ll explain it to you after I tell you the thing.”

“Okay. You owe me a big explanation.”

“Yes dear. You wanna look through my phone too?” Mingyu smirked.

“No! Gross! Get out of here you scamp!” Wonwoo laughed. 

“Yo, quit using old people words. I believe that present-day translation is stud” the other said, puffing out his chest and squaring up his shoulders.

“Wow that jersey makes your shoulders really broad. I guess that’s why you're extra cocky today.” 

“Oh believe me Won, I wasn’t until you showed up.” Mingyu breathed, rocking Wonwoo back and forth as he squished him.

“I feel bad for the football, if this is how you hold it.” 

“You’re way softer and squishy. Even if you’re a little boney in some places. Like your elbows look like they could stab someone. But you're soft in other places.” Mingyu winked.

“I already had my privacy disturbed by another guy so give me a break. Someone’s been a little too much attention.” Wonwoo giggled, retracting his right hand to cover his mouth. But Mingyu caught it in his large gloved palm. 

“Are you going to measure my wrist now.” he added bluntly, eyes slowly widening as Mingyu’s face got closer to the top of his hand. 

All it took was for Mingyu to purse his lips to make Wonwoo grimace as if he’d been stung. The shorter yanked his hand back but only slightly, causing Mingyu to snap out of his daze. The taller boy blinked for a couple of seconds as Wonwoo watched him with an amused expression painting his face. This wasn’t the right way to confess their love to each other he thought. If the were going to, they’d better be completely conscious. Besides, passion burned quickly.

“Well.” Wonwoo semi-gasped. “You want to explain yourself prince charming? I always thought chivalry was dead but you’re still kind of cute.”

Mingyu appeared dumbfounded, wearing the face of a kicked puppy. “Uh sorry I was leaning down to tie my cleats. I just used your hand to kneel eheh.” 

“Right…But your cleats are already tied.” Wonwoo replied, not shy at pointing out the obvious. He wasn’t going to speak as if he were doubting the facts of what he saw in front of him. Plus he enjoyed seeing Mingyu in a compromised position, having to explain himself as if his hand had been caught in the cookie jar.

“Oh yeah, uh-”

“You haven’t even been on the field and yet you're already acting like you have a concussion.” Wonwoo snorted. 

“It’s just the sun. It makes me hot with all these layers on, okay? That satisfy you? 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to kick a guy while he was down.” 

“Ha ha very funny. I was meaning to ask you though.” Mingyu said, stopping as they reached the perimeter of the field. He still couldn’t make eye contact with Wonwoo but the shorter didn’t suspect that he was embarrassed anymore, rather, Mingyu grabbed his helmet in a way that suggested he was hesitant and frustrated with the question he was going to ask.

“Who was the fourth guy that you said hit on you?” 

“Oh, well, it was more than that. I-”

“Okay I get it, a lot of guys are crazy for you. I can see why.” Mingyu said, crossing his arms. The last part came out unconsciously, as if a part of him wanted to compliment the other but at the same time compensate for his lack of politeness.

Wonwoo blinked his eyes, standing still and not knowing how to respond.

“He isn’t like the rest, he’s… bolder.” 

“How so? I’m pretty sure Wonho and Changkyun were bold enough.” Mingyu grunted, feeling as if the weight on his shoulders was increasing. The heat in his stomach only seemed to grow more intense like it was rising to combat a threat that he faced. Passion for Wonwoo was replaced by territorialism, as if the latter was more critical at this point. It was like the love game they were playing was reduced to a battlefield, which was then reduced to jousting field. A jousting field was too gentlemanly for him, Mingyu thought, and with the possessiveness he could feel bubbling within him, he’d soon find himself fighting for a mate. As if he were some animal fighting to survive. The thought compelled him to look at Wonwoo as if he owned him and deserved to know who spoke to him. Suddenly the grip on Wonwoo’s hand grew tighter.

“He’s like any other boy when it comes to flirting. But he seems more well-rounded and prepared. More persevering too.” 

“What’s his name?” 

“Jaehyun. I didn’t catch his last name. It doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I’m going to ever speak to him again.”

“Jae-hyun.” Mingyu gritted, the one who’s friends with Wonho and Changkyun? Did you know he’s on the football team? Did you know anything about this at all?”

“Yes. But it doesn’t make a difference. I know what kind of games they were playing, just as I know all the ways the Devil can try to tempt me. I know you're supposed to run away from that stuff but I don’t need to.” 

“You don’t know that. You’re too sure of yourself. You need to stay away from him. What if Jaehyun-”

“He’s not going to take me away from you or anything. You know Jae doesn’t fit any of my criteria.” he snickered.

Mingyu closed his eyes, muttering to himself. “You’re calling him Jae now?” he asked, slapping his helmet. “Do you two know each other!?” 

“No, nor do I have any interest in him. Trust me.”

Mingyu exhaled, conceding his position. 

“Even though I wouldn’t get involved with someone like Jaehyun simply because we don’t mix, you know I wouldn’t go against your advice, even if they sound like demands.” Wonwoo hummed. “Even if I wanted to be his friend I’d still listen to you. Know that, please.”

The taller boy grumbled, locking his arms together, thinking. “Won.” he sighed. “I really care about you. Not just because you need to eat more, but because I never want to see you hurt by some guy who’s just going to use you for your looks or anything like that.” he gritted. Mingyu couldn’t find any more words to articulate how he felt, but he knew that the feeling went deeper than what had been spoken. It may have been odd to admit, but his concern for Wonwoo went deeper than the concern that he had for his brothers or fellow citizens. With Wonwoo, it was as if he was taking care of the other part of his soul. It wasn’t Wonwoo’s humanity that made him valuable to Mingyu. Humanity was something universal, vague and abstract. Rather, Wonwoo was a value because he was just that, Wonwoo. He was an end in himself, belonging to humankind, not being a product of it. It seemed impossible to love all of humanity, for the concept was too far away from concrete and particular understanding. But there Wonwoo was now, in front of him and more real than ever. He heard people say that pain was the realest thing one could ever feel, but after looking down at that inviting face, he was sure that being in love disproved that notion. Being in love made him feel like he was dreaming. It wasn’t because it was too good to be true. It was just too real. 

For Wonwoo, life had always been synonymous with suffering and tragedy. But he was beginning to think that it was life alone, with no one on Earth to truly love that was the tragic part. The feeling he experienced as Mingyu gazed down at him was as real as a good dream, and if one could at least listen to their dreams, then perhaps they could change their life. 

“Thank you too, no need to get all sappy with me. Although I’m not saying I don’t like it though.” Wonwoo smiled.

“We got a lot to talk about after this. I’ll make sure to sign a jersey give it to you. You know I might be famous one day.”

“I can’t wait to see who becomes famous first, the philosopher or the knucklehead.” 

“Well I already am kinda well-known around campus. Maybe if you beat me in becoming famous you’ll finally get a tan.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Because you’d be out of my shadow.” Mingyu smirked, pulling Wonwoo closer to him by the waist. His gloved hands fell to the small of Wonwoo’s back, just grazing the top of the shorter’s butt as Mingyu walked him to the bleachers. Wonwoo pretended not to jolt at the touch and his eyes met Mingyu’s sly smile.

“You cold or anything?” the taller asked as they stepped up the stairs to where Jun, Minghao and Jeonghan were sitting.

“No.”

“What about food and drinks. I got money still on me so I can get you something-”

“I’m good, really.”

“What about-”

“Maybe you should buy your coach something later. He looks really pissed.” 

Mingyu looked back to where the short and stout man was glaring daggers at him. “Kim! Quit chatting and get on the field!” he yelled, pointing to where the team was already warming up. “Don’t worry about him! All the guys are on the field too, Jae included.” the coach snickered. 

Mingyu released a chuckle, scratching the top of his helmet since he forgot his hair was covered by it. 

“Alright, I’m trusting Jun and Minghao to keep you safe.”

“If they don’t crucify me that is.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh it’s nothing Mingyu, we all just like talking about gossip and you know... the things we see go on around campus.” Jun smiled.

“Usually Wonwoo has a lot of explaining to do.” Minghao added with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, well, don’t make a mess out of him too much. I still want to know some things too.” Mingyu chuckled. “Now watch your favorite left tackle player get this bread.” he grinned, pointing to finger guns at the shorter. Wonwoo gave him a knowing look.

“Gyu, you’re the only left tackle player...”


	16. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I've been so busy with writing letters to my teachers and all lol. I wanted to get this out quick so its more like a prelude to what's going to happen next. You'd be surprised haha.

The football stadium was cluttered with people, all distinguished from their blue and green fan shirts. For a while, the chatter between friends and onlookers, as well as the players, prevailed until the whistle of the referee.

“You think this is the worst we’ll ever see or is there more to come?” Mingyu asked, nodding his head towards the other team. S.Coups followed his line of sight, studying them carefully and objectively.

“Nah. They’re biggest player doesn’t even match your size. Might as well call them pipsqueaks. They aren’t anything, don’t worry.

Mingyu sneered, making a face as if he’d been insulted. “I’m not worried about them. I just don’t want to go too hard on them in front of Wonu.” He grinned, lighting up at the sound of the boy’s name. 

“And don’t be mean S.Coups. They could be soft on the inside.” the younger chuckled, crossing his arms as he looked down the field. “So they’re going to be bigger players than this? They’re going to have to drink a lot of milk if they want to one up me.”

“In what? Beating you at football or impressing Wonwoo.” S.Coups asked, raising a brow. “We haven’t even started and he’s already watching your every move.” he sighed. “So when are you going to make the right move and go for him?” 

Mingyu glanced towards the bleachers, spotting his crush squished between Vernon and Jun. He knew the blonde boy on Wonwoo’s right already had Seungkwan on his radar, but from how their legs had touched and from the awkward and tense expression on Vernon’s face, Mingyu couldn’t help but feel jealous. Vernon looked as though he was trying his very best not to fall off one end of the bleachers while keeping his distance from the other boy. He seemed to understand that Wonwoo was taken as well, hence the awkward face. It was hard not to understand when one of the best and most intimidating players on the football team was glaring daggers at him.

Vernon was a boy who had the facial structure that expressed confidence and dressed as though he was a fuckboy. But something told Mingyu that it wasn’t the simple awkwardness of the situation that compelled Vernon to act in such a way. Rather, Vernon looked scared of the boy sitting next to him, not so much Mingyu. The football player hoped it was because Wonwoo was so bound to him that even if they were separated, it would still be common knowledge that nothing could get in between them. That idea was a pleasant one to entertain, perhaps because it was more complex than the simple ‘he’s mine’. There was more to their relationship than that, even if they were just ‘friends’. 

Now he was beginning to understand why Wonwoo enjoyed making everything more complex than it seemed. It brought a sense of contentment rather than animalistic satiation for Mingyu. But he’d prefer if Wonwoo was doing the thinking aloud if he were going to be honest. Nothing compared to the boy’s smooth voice that resonated in his heart. The weight of Wonwoo’s words and the meaning they carried was another story.

As S.Coups’s gaze turned towards the blonde-haired boy who he had developed affection for, Mingyu’s followed suit, raising his hand up to Wonwoo. The shorter boy mouthed the words “I’m praying for you”, grinning as he watched Mingyu’s eyes crease. The taller let out a breath as he was captivated by the beauty of the boy on the bleachers. It seemed as though the couple was the only thing that mattered to each other when competitiveness and anxiety loomed over the current situation. 

“Kim, Choi! Get in your positions. You can go see your boyfriends AFTER you win. Got it?” Their coach yelled, gesturing wildly with his hands to get their attention. 

“Yes sir!” the two football players replied as two soldiers would to their superior officer. 

“Good! Now form up. What are you stupid? Let’s go! Let’s go!” 

“For once I can’t wait to get off the field.” Mingyu chuckled as he waved farewell to his friend. His smile lingered as he reached the white line bisecting the field. Even as he stared his opponents down he did not forget that if he decided to turn his head to the side only slightly, he’d see Wonwoo. But he kept his focus on the guard in front of him, narrowing his eyes and feeling more brash. The sudden change that he made was not out of self-consciousness or the urge to merely show off to Wonwoo. It came from the responsibility he took upon himself not to prove his worth, but to lay down the law with Wonwoo the value of his own self-respect. After all, why would anyone want a man who required the approval of others? 

One, Mingyu valued his own self respect, enough to find a person who was worthy of his, and two, he did not need approval, for he was his own judge. It was not that he was some fool who didn’t believe in any sort of morals let alone truth -Wonwoo wouldn’t have associated himself with that kind of man in the first place. Instead, it was the case that Mingyu did not require any tradition, textbook, story or anyone else, other than his own judging mind, to conclude what was right and wrong. 

Yet this capacity was still in development, a revelation he had come across in his discourses with Wonwoo. Rather than just dream about a happy future as most couples did, Mingyu looked to further develop his own line of thinking so that he may contend with the boy one day. A future where all they would do was talk to each other seemed to be the best his imagination had ever conceived. 

“Hey knucklehead!” a grouchy voice called. “Get your head in the game Kim! C’mon. You want to win right?” The coach yelled as he extended his hands. 

“Sorry coach.” Mingyu let out, turning his head back slightly. 

“We won’t let you down.” Sehun assured him, giving each of his teammates warning looks. 

They were now lined up against the enemy team. Mingyy looked as though he could pummel the guy in front of him, but at the same time his stare revealed the kind of determined yet disciplined man that he was. Wonwoo had seen that side of Mingyu before when the taller had been pursuing him or when he had tried to coax a blush out of him. Perhaps the circumstances were different now, but Wonwoo had not been left out of the equation. Now, Mingyu’s whole world seemed to revolve around the boy.

The referee’s whistle pierced their ears and Mingyu lurched forward immediately, refusing to be on the receiving end of the other player’s brunt force attack.

Upon contact, the enemy’s guard was knocked down by the broad-chested left tackle player. His green shirt was reduced to a blur as bystanders enjoyed a horizontal view of the player’s back making contact with the turf. 

‘Ooos’ and hisses rang out among the crowd, indiscriminately and irregardless of allegiance. By the time that Mingyu reached to help Baekhyun deal with the other guard, S.Coups and his teammates had already pushed forward, causing the other team’s quarterback to throw the ball prematurely and miss his target. 

Mingyu raised his arms to cheer, twisting his torso to see Wonwoo break out in a smile. The shorter boy leaned forward on the bench, resting his chin on his palm as he watched Mingyu jump around and high-five his teammates. 

The team huddled together to discuss their strategy, with Sehun and S.Coups taking the reins. Mingyu stood with his arms crossed, nodding along to everything being said. In reality, he was too busy going over what he would be asking Wonwoo in his head. The football game at hand wasn’t the only thing making him jittery of course. 

As the group dispersed, Mingyu found himself being trailed by one of his teammates.

Wonwoo’s smile faltered when he noticed a certain brown-haired man with pale skin approaching Mingyu as if he were the captain himself. 

The taller football player turned around after hearing cleats rustling against the turf, spotting Jaehyun over his shoulders. S.Coups caught up with them, slinging his arms around both boys shoulders and leaned in to listen to their conversation. He stared down at the ground, beginning to sense the tension between the two freshmen.

“Hey, not to alarm you or anything but I think that guy you took out is pissed.” Jaehyun said in a hushed voice. “Wasn’t really supposed to happen like that for him in the first round.” he chuckled.

“Yeah, Wonwoo really was pissed when you took him out for pizza when he wanted burgers.” S.Coups giggled, slapping Mingyu’s back. The older boy noticed something change in Mingyu. It looked as though the left-tackle player was too busy deciding whether to respond or smile sheepishly. 

“Toughen up Gyu, you know I was just kidding. I know you’re sweet on Wonie.”

“You don’t know when to shut up do you?” Mingyu sighed, hanging his head low as she shook it in disapproval. 

“Maybe if you get really angry we could use you to plow through the other team. Sound like a good idea?” S. Coups asked, trying to lighten up the conversation.

“I think we need Mingyu to keep their guard at bay. That would work. You could do it right?” Jaehyun smirked. This time he was the one to pat Mingyu’s shoulder, but only slowly. It was as if Jaehyun wanted him to know that he had the upper hand and that he was in control of things. There were those out there who attempted to break their enemies before they engaged them in combat. Despite how frightening it sounded, Mingyu only took it as a challenge. It wasn’t as if the game was dangerous itself. Whatever competition that they had going on between them seemed to be petty at most. It was Jaehyun who had the capacity of being dangerous, and it was the trigger that Mingyu had to look out for. It didn’t look like it was Jaehyun himself who was the one who could pull it. He guessed that’s what happens to people when they are consumed by jealousy. 

It wasn’t obvious to anyone besides Mingyu that the boy was just pretending to care, and that he was in fact planning for something bad to happen. Whether it came from the inside or if Jaehyun had orchestrated something with the other team, he didn’t know. All that he could be sure of is that he’d do his best to shove down Jaehyun’s throat the fact that he wouldn’t be messed with. 

Mingyu cracked his knuckles, causing the other boy to tense and gulp. S.Coups watched the uncomfortable interaction with sweat already rolling down his forehead. Mingyu continued to look down at his hands as he adjusted his gloves.

“Thanks. I know you’re trying to look out for me but I don’t need it.” the taller said, running in place to warm up.

“Have you seen these guys? I could crush them between my arms.” Mingyu snorted, squeezing his forearm and front arm together as if he were crushing a lemon or a soda can. 

He tried to offer a grateful smile to his rival so as to not alert him that he was suspicious, but he found it hard to be kind to that sharp and conniving face. Especially when Jaehyun’s predatory gaze shifted towards Wonwoo. 

“Yo what are you looking at?” Mingyu sneered, narrowing his eyes as his they followed Jaehyun’s. The taller boy noticed the scowl on Wonwoo’s face. It had been provoked by the sight of his teammate. The realization made Mingyu laugh.

“What? What’s so funny?” Jaehyun asked in annoyance.

“Dude.” Mingyu grinned. “The fact that you think you have a chance with Wonu.” 

“What makes you think that?” Jaehyun replied, crossing his arms.

“Don’t believe me? Watch this.” Mingyu smirked, holding up his thumb and index finger towards Wonwoo who instantly blushed. Mingyu’s expression turned gentle, forgetting about the competition between him and Jaehyun for the greater and more transcendent relationship he had with Wonwoo. Love won against everything else not because it was gooey, sappy and full of emotion, but because the complex and intricate bond between the two of them was greater than anything petty and belonging to the earth. Nor could it be stopped by the feeble emotions of a hormonal college student.

“Whatever.” Jaehyun scoffed, stomping away towards where he had come from. 

II

“Oh my God Wonu, loverboy is secretly signalling you.” Minghao cooed as he leaned behind Jun’s back.

“It’s not really secretive Hao if he’s doing it in front of everyone. I’m pretty sure a finger heart sign is universal.” he said, looking unimpressed. “This is so embarrassing.” Wonwoo hissed, closing his eyes to retreat inside himself. 

“Oh stop it, who would be embarrassed by the fact that the second hottest guy in school likes you.” Jeonghan hiccuped, slapping Minghao’s knee as the two nodded frantically at each other in understanding.

“Right, I forgot you had something for S.Coups, so I’ll excuse your mistake of saying Mingyu isn’t number one.” Wonwoo smirked. He turned towards the boy on his left, expecting him to come up with some obnoxious remark. 

“Okay Jun, I’m going to assume you have something wise to say too?” 

“Woah, how did you read my mind Won, you’re getting scarier each day.” Jun breathed.

“It’s not because I’m a mind reader it’s because you're so predictable.” 

“I could say the same for you whenever Mingyu compliments you. The airport could use your cheeks as a red beacon for airplanes to land.” Jun retorted. Minghao and Jeonghan cackled as Vernon released a breath. 

Wonwoo gave the blonde-haired boy a playful side eye, warning him never to make a peep again. He didn’t want Vernon to be corrupted as well. It was already bad enough that Minghao was.

“I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes at Jun. 

“Guys, shush! They're getting ready to start again.” Minghao said, resting his palm on the side of Jun’s arm. Wonwoo noticed how Jun flinched at the touch, suggesting that he wasn’t accustomed to Minghao’s actions. Wonwoo wasn’t really either, he had never seen Jun obey someone so quickly and completely. 

“Yes Daddy S.Coups!” Jeonghan cheered, causing the company of cheerleaders to look over their shoulders with shocked expressions. Some even dropped their pom-poms as they had done their jaws.

“Hey, Wonu.” Jun whispered, stifling a laugh. It was always hard for Jun to maintain coherence when the joke was so funny.

“When are you gonna call Mingyu daddy?” Jun giggled, but he did not get to celebrate his own wittiness for long. Minghao reached for the other boy’s abdomen and pinched the soft flesh.

“Ow!”

“You need to work out more.” Minghao scoffed. 

“And to answer your question, I’ll start calling Mingyu daddy when I stop calling you a dumbass, okay?” Wonwoo hissed.

“Which will never be the case.” Minghao shook his head. 

“I’m so grateful for my friends.” Jun smiled, bringing Wonwoo and Minghao closer to him by their shoulders.

III

“Hey.” Jaehyun muttered, eyeing both Wonho and Changkyun. “We’re doing this, now.” 

“Really? Isn’t this a little bit too early?” Changkyun asked, keeping his attention on the other team approaching the line of scrimmage. 

“Yeah, we don’t want to break a winning streak or something.” Wonho added, subtly getting into position. 

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. It’s either now or never.” Jaehyun gritted, keeping his voice low. 

Wonho and Changkyun looked at each other with uneasiness, but the shared feeling quickly abandoned their faces as the two boys exchanged it for overconfidence. The two of them glanced at Wonwoo on the premise that the latter was unaware of what they were up to. Knowing something that your enemy didn’t was one of the most satisfying things.

“Did you see that?” Vernon asked, leaning forward from where he had been lazily sitting. His hands emerged from his pockets to point at where Changkyun and Wonho were. 

“Yeah, it’s nothing new.” Wonwoo replied, shrugging. “I don’t think it has anything to do with me though.”

“Well, something’s up.” the blonde boy muttered, leaning back all the while shooting daggers at his former friends. “They must be still sour about last time. If there’s a fight after the game I’ll protect you, don’t worry.” Vernon grinned, yet Wonwoo knew that he was just trying to shake off the wariness on his face. 

“No, I think you’re right. If they were pissed about last time we wouldn’t be observing them like they were about to pull something right now.” Jun interjected, moving his head in the direction of where the two boys were laughing together.

“Jaehyun was talking to them a moment ago wasn’t he?” Vernon asked, looking at Wonwoo as if his life depended on it.

“Jaehyun-” Wonwoo whispered, trying not to barf at the mere utterance of the boy’s name. He had been trying to wrap his head around the whole thing when a thought occurred to him. 

“Mingyu!” he gasped, almost falling off the bleachers if Vernon hadn’t held on to his arm. “They’re going to do something to him.” Wonwoo hissed. 

Vernon remained calm, but concern etched his face. “Does Jaehyun hate Mingyu that much? Don’t tell me you rejected him or something.”

“I did.” Wonwoo admitted, but with no remorse or shame. His tone was proud rather than apologetic. 

“That explains it then. But we can’t do anything unless something happens.”

“It’s the fact that I don’t know what’s going to happen that’s killing me.” Wonwoo muttered, and for once his voice bordered on the edge of defeat.

“If anything, they’re probably just planning to prank him.” Jun said.

“Jaehyun’s smarter than that. So whatever he’s planning, it’s well thought out.” Vernon replied.

“He didn’t think enough then if he chose Mingyu as his target. He’s stupid if he thinks he can get away with whatever he’s up to.” Wonwoo said, boiling with rage as he saw Wonho and Changkyun smirk. Jaehyun looked angry as well, appearing to have noticed how obvious Wonho and Changkyun seemed. 

“You become stupid when your in love.” Jun wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Jaehyun was always stupid.” Vernon muttered. 

“Last time I checked, Mingyu wasn’t the brainiac that looks like he’d fit your type.” 

“He’s a type-breaker!” Minghao giggled. 

“I don’t have a type anymore.” Wonwoo breathed, ignoring the playful stares of his friends around him. He watched as Mingyu got into position behind the scrimmage line. The taller player paid no notice to the enemy team nor did he acknowledge the obnoxious giggles coming from his teammates next to him. Even if the guy suspected anything to be fishy, Mingyu didn’t look as though he cared. Rather, he turned his head to look at Wonwoo.

He understood why Mingyu had seemed so carefree despite the constant chatter between Wonho and Changkyun who’s intent was riling him up. The left tackle player’s body would have completely blocked Wonho and Changkyun from anyone’s vision on the sidelines. The boy certainly had a size advantage. But it didn’t stop there. The way Mingyu had carried himself onto the field and how he looked at the other team’s player in front of him conveyed to Wonwoo more meaning than Jaehyun could ever have communicated in words. It wasn’t simply the bruteness of Mingyu’s strength that he admired, but the man’s strength of heart. It was with that kind of strength could he have ever broken Wonwoo’s shell. 

His soul had never been at rest, and indeed he was all too eager to seal the deal with Mingyu. Yet at the same time, he felt as though Mingyu’s smile was all he needed. It was what the world needed. But he’d never sacrifice his love for Mingyu, nor would he let anyone take a share of it. Love was the only selfish emotion he had ever tolerated. And now, he embraced it. 

Religious morality had taught him that sacrifice was everything and atheists like Nietzsche had told him instead that selfishness was everything. It was like being on a boat in a stormy ocean, where both sides rocked back and forth. To add on to that, Mingyu made him anxious and calm at the same time, another peculiar contradiction. However, he wasn’t going to jump to conclusions and say reality was full of contradictions, because it wasn’t. Rather, the love he had for Mingyu resided in its own dimension, where contradictions existed and chaos ran free. It was in this state however that Wonwoo felt the most awkward and strained. It was like parts of him were running away in different directions like horses, tearing his body to pieces. Plato had described a similar discomfort when he had written about the soul falling from heaven and needing to get back to its home. On earth, everything was familiar to the soul since it had once inhabited a dimension where it attained knowledge of everything. For example, if a perfect tree existed in heaven, then the soul on earth would be able to recognize what a tree was. 

For Wonwoo, Mingyu’s touch gave him goosebumps and made his spine shiver. Yet at the same time, it all seemed familiar. It was as if his and Mingyu’s souls had been split apart before they had fallen from heaven. That made sense, he thought. It was Aristotle who said that “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” He guessed that was why Mingyu was able to listen to him without falling asleep. It was like whenever they had spoken, their soul was having a conversation with itself. 

What Wonwoo was perplexed with however was the state of chaos that plagued his psyche. It was almost as if the darkness in his unconscious had bled over into his consciousness, blurring the lines between rationality and emotion. He realized that he needed to be brought back to ground if he were ever going to think clearly. With Mingyu’s strong arms, Wonwoo didn’t doubt that the man wouldn’t be able to pull him down from the clouds and into his chest. After all, that was where his soul always longed to be. 

Mingyu’s expression showed puzzlement as he caught Wonwoo staring at him. The latter was entranced with how the other appeared in the yellow glow of the sun. Sweat rolled down Mingyu’s arms and shoulders, gathered in the crevices of his biceps. The taller smirked before shaking his head and getting into formation, bending his knee even further to give him extra propulsion. 

Jun and Minghao shot up, shouting “Go Mingyu!”, causing Vernon to jump out of his seat as the tension-filled silence was broken. Wonwoo’s face fell in embarrassment but he finally succumbed to his friends’ antics. He clapped enthusiastically as he gave Vernon a dirty look for remaining silent. Then he remembered why the boy became so stoic. 

Wonwoo turned his head towards the field, noticing how Jaehyun had been herding his gang by sending them looks and whispering to them. However, Wonwoo didn’t have time to speculate as to what was going on between them because the referee blew his whistle, an ear piercing omen to what would happen next. 

Of course Mingyu's mettle would be tested. He could be benched or promoted. But that didn't matter now, especially when his relationship between him and Wonwoo was at stake. It came down to the fact that the only thing that Mingyu had to prove was that he would not be messed with. He knew that Wonwoo did not like the sound of bones cracking. But they wouldn't be his. 


	17. The Apollonian and the Dionysian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, in this chapter Mingyu still struggles with keeping his instincts and urges in check. But Wonwoo's there to support him. Hope you guys like it haha

Just as Mingyu thought that the game would proceed as it did last time, both Wonho and Changkyun abandoned the defensive line, leaving him to fend for himself. 

He toppled the guard in front of him with ease, but barely missed tripping over his collapsed form before getting to the next one. The other team’s defensive end slammed into his chest, but the collision was only powerful enough to stall him.

Mingyu grabbed onto the man, attempting to push him out of the way but the guy latched onto his arms as they were extended, exerting the same amount of force like a brick wall pushing back. Mingyu was neutralized by the sight of another player coming straight towards him to assist his teammate. It was evident after Wonho and Changkyun had left the other team’s center without any resistance, that he had been freed up to attack Mingyu. 

With his adrenaline kicking Mingyu regained his footing. From when he had been too alarmed to even act, the tide turned and he lunged forward, kicking off his feet. He managed to cause the enemy defensive end to stumble back. Mingyu decided not to tackle him since he had a bigger problem looming over him. In fact, the other team’s center was the largest of them all. Mingyu still beat him by a few inches and pounds, but the taller did not fail to recognize the threat.

The center player sprang forward, attempting to bring Mingyu down with his momentum. However, Mingyu stepped back, digging his cleats in the turf and held his ground. The larger player was even able to push back instantly and resiliently. It was much like watching a spring collapse and jut out after being released. 

It was then when the crowd saw Mingyu do the impossible. The taller player was undeterred, answering the two players with a thrust forward. This time however, instead of dealing with one player at a time, Mingyu splayed out his hands, grabbing their chest pads, and pushed forward. Their defensive end and center had little time to react as Mingyu pushed them each with only one hand. They tried their best to stay on both feet, scrambling to get a grip on Mingyu’s arms in the hopes of escaping but they were too late.

Mingyu didn’t bother to pay them any mind when both of them fell back on the turf. He was too busy watching as S.Coups tackled their quarterback. Meanwhile, most of the crowd had been watching him with their mouths hanging open. S.Coups accomplishment had barely managed to elicit any cheers. Rather, ‘ooo’s rang out as everyone’s head was turned towards the tallest player on the home team. 

It was Wonwoo who shot up this time cheering as Jun and Vernon were still leaning over in their seats in shock.

“Yes Mingyu! Haha!” Wonwoo clapped, whistling and jumping.

“I think Wonwoo just used up all of his energy for the year.” Minghao said.

“And S.Coups.” Wonwoo smiled sheepishly as he spotted Jeonghan turn his head towards him in the corner of his eye. “Yessss wohooo.” his voice whistled out, fading. 

Jeonghan noticed that what Wonwoo said came out more as a murmur, but he smiled in appreciation. 

Wonwoo didn’t have time to be embarrassed as the entire crowd followed suit. Even members of the other team’s audience clapped in recognition of Mingyu’s amazing feat. Wonwoo observed this as well and his head spun seeing everyone cheer.

Suddenly, he felt sporadic tapping on his shoulder and his eyes darted to Jun who was frantically trying to get his attention.

“Wonwoo, look!” Jun said, pointing towards Mingyu.

The football player was waving in their direction and beamed even brighter as Wonwoo finally noticed him. He had been holding his arms up as if he was showing off a trophy, but really, he felt even more confident and sure about what he’d ask Wonwoo after the game.

“See! I told you not to worry. That one’s for you!” Mingyu yelled, running down the sidelines to get closer to where Wonwoo was.

Even if Wonwoo was situated a couple of tiers above ground, he could still see the energy coming off Mingyu’s entire being and the dashing twinkle in his eyes. He could have charmed any girl from afar. 

Wonwoo made a run for it, squeezing past Vernon who lowered his head and thought about Seungkwan. The black-haired boy capered down the concrete steps towards the asphalt walkway at the bottom. His hands met the chain-link fence along the walkway, keeping him from falling down onto the turf below him as he bent over it to clasp onto Mingyu’s hand. Meanwhile, the cheerleaders beside them turned around and watched their exchange, whispering to each other through the material of their pom poms.

“Hey.” Mingyu winked, staring up at Wonwoo as if this was going to be their last moment spent with each other.

“Hey, I know you only have a couple seconds. But I have to tell you. Jaehyun is up to something, I can literally see it in his eyes. The bastard just wants you to mess up. No wonder Wonho and Changkyun abandoned their positions. It was all part of his plan, it had to be.” Wonwoo gritted.

“Hmm.” Mingyu affirmed, considering what Wonwoo had said. 

“Now get out of here, coach is gonna get mad at you.” Wonwoo giggled. “I’m praying for you.” he added, smiling earnestly. It was in that moment that Mingyu wished he could have followed through with kissing Wonwoo’s delicate fingers. He wished he could have pulled the boy over the fence and caught him in his arms. He thought for a second, stunned by Wonwoo’s beauty. It was possible that if they won the game, he’d might have the momentum to do just that.

“Cross your fingers too.” Mingyu snickered, not appearing to have been shaken up by what Wonwoo had told him. In fact, he had been too busy watching how Wonwoo’s eyes softened with adoration as well as worry. He wondered how many wrinkles Wonwoo would get on his face simply from hearing about all the injuries Mingyu got playing football. He smiled at the thought and stepped away cooly, saluting the shorter boy.

“Yeah like that’s going to do anything.” Wonwoo scoffed, spinning around and sprinting up the steps. 

“LEE! IM!” The coach’s familiar raspy voice yelled through the excited chatter of the team. “Both of you better not frikin pull that shit again or I’ll have you both benched! From what Mingyu just did he could play both of your positions with one hand!” he yelled, thrusting his finger through the air as his face became as wrinkled as a pitbull.

Wonho and Changkyun winced as they watched the coach scold them from over their shoulders. 

“They look more scared than when Jaehyun talks to them.” Vernon huffed. 

“It’s Wonho and Changkyun for pete sake, they’re little kittens.” Wonwoo said, looking unimpressed. His curiosity was caught again when the coach started wildy gesturing towards Mingyu.

“Alright, Kim! I need you to switch places. You’re going to be the middle linebacker since Wonho and Chankyun are so incompetent! Lee! You’re taking left-tackle, and Im, you’re going to switch with Kai and be an end. Baekhyun, you’re taking right-tackle, and S.Coups, you're a right end.”

After hearing the coach’s new designations, Wonwoo had to give the man credit. His ingenious plan, although strange, sounded perfect when he ran it through his head. The middle linebacker was usually supposed to be smaller and not as fast, but Mingyu would be able to deal with the other team’s center in a more effective manner compared to Baekhyun who was much smaller and slower. Adding on to that, moving S.Coups to the right end would allow him to more easily bypass the other team’s left-tackle. So much so that if S.Coups stumbled, he would still be able to run around the other player and join Sehun in tackling the quarterback. 

The soundness of the coach’s plan was spoiled however when Wonwoo noticed the staring contest going on between Mingyu and the other team’s center player. The other man had been the same person who Mingyu had knocked over with only one hand. And the guy was supposedly the largest player on the away team. Wonwoo struggled not to laugh as Vernon watched him with a confused look on his face.

“I have a bad feeling about the coach’s new arrangement.” Wonwoo said, giggling in the process.

“Wait, can you run that through me again. It’s kinda tough understanding what you’re saying when your mouth is hanging wide open and you're smiling even though you're supposed to look worried.” Vernon smirked.

“Oh sorry. I guess I should go back to drama club and get my acting license. What I was saying is that Mingyu looks pretty engaged in the staring contest he’s having with that guy. You know him?” 

“I don’t know his name but I can’t say I haven’t seen him before. I think he went to a prep school that my high school played against.” Vernon replied, running his fingers through his curly hair.

Wonwoo looked more closely at Mingyu’s opponent. He was thinner and a little shorter, but his gear gave off the appearance that he could contend with Mingyu in terms of strength. As Mingyu had been crouched on the ground with his arms out forward as if he were about to get a grip on the turf, the other boy held the ball in both hands, stabbing it into the ground. Although both boys maintained a further distance apart than the rest of the line, Mingyu could still see the guy’s eyes scanning the defensive line, much like a predator waiting for an opening.

It was only until the referee whistled and Wonwoo caught a blip of the inaudible voice of their center, issuing out some command to his fellow linemen. 

Before Vernon could even tap Wonwoo’s shoulder to tell him something, Mingyu sprang to the right as the other player threw the ball in between his legs to the quarterback. As middle linebacker, it was Mingyu’s objective to detect where the ball would be passed as well as stop the run. However, being new to the position, he did not react quick enough. Since it was too late to run after the quarterback on his right, he was blocked by the center. Mingyu reacted by pushing the boy out of the way, however, the seconds-long interruption prevented him from helping S.Coups tackle the quarterback.

Luckily, Sehun and his long legs were able to correct the error and stop their quarterback from getting anywhere near their goal post. 

Wonwoo turned to Vernon with a look of concern on his face. He had sensed that the blonde-boy was about to speak to him, but he had his own reasons for being curious. He knew Mingyu was new to being a linebacker, however he feared that considering the center had to be the most intelligent player, he could outsmart Mingyu and his bronze. Great, he thought. Now he had two people to deal with.

“That was Shownu, I know that voice.” Vernon whispered, shaking his head and studying the object of their curiosity. From the bleachers they could see how Shownu was taking his time walking up to Mingyu, as if the latter’s team hadn’t just failed.

Mingyu sensed something as well by the looks of it, almost as if he had been challenged. He stood there staunchly but relaxed. Shownu didn’t look all that big and strong standing across from him after all. In all serious situations, Mingyu would have his hands in pockets waiting for the other guy to do his worst before it was his turn.

Wonwoo didn’t know whether to be nervous about the confrontation or scared for Shownu’s life. Yet Mingyu seemed to solve that problem for him, turning to the black-haired boy on the bleachers and smiling at him.

Shownu looked somewhat angered that the taller boy didn’t perceive him as much as a threat by turning his attention towards the bleachers, or it could have been the fact that Mingyu hadn’t paid him any mind at all. Instead, the tall brown-haired boy rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms. He even went as far as to flex his biceps all the while ignoring the giggles of fawning cheerleaders. It was as if only he and Wonwoo existed. It was the latter who had been staring at him the whole time, pissed that the football player was taking everything so lightly.

Shownu looked even more angrier, taking off his helmet to reveal charcoal hair and a narrow face. Mingyu’s expression finally became serious, observing the other’s actions in case the boy was going to make things physical. 

Wonwoo and Vernon felt as though they could cut the tension-filled air with a butter knife, and they were about a few hundred yards away from what was going on. 

Mingyu answered Shownu’s actions by taking off his own helmet, broadening his shoulders and exhaling angrily. 

“What do you want?” Mingyu spat, tightening the muscles in his arms as he tried to restrain them against his torso. It was difficult, he had to admit it.

“I just wanted to say, you won’t be so lucky this time, you or your team.” Shownu gritted, still keeping away from the other by a few feet.

“Wanna bet? I think I gave you a concussion because you don’t seem to remember that you and your buddies got wrecked a few moments ago. It’s not beginners luck, you either suck at playing or I’m that good.”

Shownu scoffed, spitting out the gum in his mouth by Mingyu’s feet. “You’re probably taking steroids. I’ll fucking expose you. If you can pull that shit again, what you did back there, everyone will know. Don’t act like you are something. You’re a fucking linebacker and you can’t even do that right.” Shownu swore, stomping up to get into Mingyu’s face. The latter already knew where the situation was going and responded by stepping towards Shownu as well. Even if Shownu was the more aggressive one, it was obvious to any onlooker that Mingyu towered over him, something that riled up all the cheerleaders watching their exchange.

“Quit making excuses for your team bro. I don’t want to fight right now, but if you think I’m on steroids I wouldn’t want to mess with me then. Just using your logic man.” Mingyu said, losing the angered expression and replacing it with a cool one. Shownu was about to jerk away from the other when he spotted Mingyu’s eyes lingering towards the crowd, something that made him even more infuriated. 

“Something more interesting than getting knocked out of the play by me?” Shownu smirked.

“That could be a lot of things.” Mingyu retorted, huffing as he crossed his arms. “You gonna get back to the scrimmage line so I can kick your ass?” 

Shownu brushed off the comment, deciding that whatever had captured Mingyu’s attention was more important. 

“Not until you tell me what’s got the star football player’s attention. Or is it a who?” Shownu grinned. Mingyu did not need to answer him as Wonwoo grew lax again, shuffling in his seat and waving to the taller boy. It was then when Shownu realized why Mingyu had been so distracted, and then he got the idea…

“Yooo.” Shownu said, dragging the words out and almost hiccuping. “I thought you had eyes for a cheerleader. But this got way better. Is he your bitch or something? You don’t wanna mess up in front of him. I see. He won’t let you have at it tonight if you do.” he laughed.

Mingyu’s expression reverted to a more serious one, giving Shownu what he wanted to get out of him. It didn’t matter if he didn’t take the high ground, so long as the guy was in hell with him too. 

“You’re fucking messed up. Don’t talk about my friend like that. This is between you and me. If you drag anyone else into this, I’ll fucking break your leg. You won’t ever play football again.” Mingyu gritted, stepping forward. A glint of fear flashed across Shownu’s eyes and his body language gave it even more away as he jolted back. Yet the other part of him was unrelenting and stubborn. It was clear that Shownu wasn’t off Miigyu’s back just yet.

As soon as Shownu started to walk back, he turned around in the hopes of riling up Mingyu even more. There was the possibility that an angry Mingyu was more susceptible to making a mistake on the field of course. Jaehyun hadn’t really thought of that which made this new guy seem much worse and calculated. Wonwoo noticed this and thought to himself. There had been a reason why Shownu had been put into the center position. 

II

To make matters worse, it seemed to be the case that Jaehyun had forced Wonho and Changkyun to perform their stunt again, even if it cost them their positions. As soon as the referee blew his whistle, both delinquents ran off in their own fantasy world, aiding their teammates who did not need help, leaving Mingyu to deal with even more offensive ends and guards than last time.

Now that he knew what to expect, Mingyu was able to follow the ball with lightning speed, fast reflexes and instantaneous perception. Unfortunately however, Bambam wasn’t able to tolerate the increased pressure on their defense and gave way, allowing one of their offensive ends to chase after and attempt to tackle him. 

Mingyu shrugged it off as if swatting a fly. His body collided with the other offensive end while the previous one fell onto the ground behind him. The other guards understood just how integral Mingyu was to the home team’s defense and descended onto him, coming down the line with the collective intent of piling up on top of their enemy’s largest player. Mingyu held them off one by one, throwing the shorter players down on the ground and shoving the larger ones away, causing them to stumble and collide with their teammates. 

Something struck him however when Shownu attempted to tackle him as expected. Although his role required him to assist his teammates in stopping the linebacker, the guy seemed to enjoy playing his part, making things even more personal for Mingyu. The taller could see the sadistic grin that was so characteristic of Shownu’s smile, and how his eyes began to glow in the white spotlight surrounding the stadium. Mingyu noticed Shownu’s lips part as the charcoal-haired boy bore his teeth, taking pleasure in putting Mingyu in his place.

Just like last time, Shownu’s strength proved to be inadequate against his larger opponent. Mingyu was beginning to think that the other had not learned his lesson fast enough to save himself from being trampled. 

Mingyu was proven wrong however, when all of a sudden, Shownu started switching up his stance, transitioning from having his left leg forward to his right leg, and then back again. Shownu pulled on his arms in the attempt to catch him off balance but then went back to pushing him at another angle. It was as if the away team’s center was trying to wrestle out of the grip that Mingyu had on him, or at least distract him from stopping the quarterback with his dramatics. 

The taller player had enough, grabbing Shownu’s shoulders and applying enough pressure to stun him. Shownu’s grip on Mingyu loosened and the latter pulled his slimy tentacles off of his forearms. 

Wonwoo and Vernon could both have attested to each other that they saw Shownu’s feet leave the ground as Mingyu swung him sideways by the shoulders, throwing him on the turf.

The away team’s center kicked his feet, trying to balance himself as his cleats touched the ground and kicked up piles of fake grass and rubber. He made lines in the turf as he slid over the scrimmage line, back first and neck craned. 

Even though he was going to help Shownu up anyways, it was convenient that S.Coups and Sehun were able to stop the quarterback just in time. 

Before the referee blew his whistle to conclude the round, Mingyu walked over to the other boy all the while trying not to laugh at his predicament. Extending his large gloved hand, he held it in front of Shownu’s face with a forgiving smile. But as Wonwoo expected, Shownu swatted it away. The shorter boy looked as though he had wanted to yank Mingyu down onto the ground with him, but the game wasn’t over yet.

Mingyu hadn’t let out a sigh, or a frustrated growl, he simply walked off the field when half time came, mind already occupied with thoughts of getting to see Wonwoo up close again. 

As the cheerleaders filed into the field, Mingyu lightly smiled and waved but he didn’t want to send the wrong message, nor did he take any enjoyment out of speaking to girls anymore. He was lucky, he supposed, as any other man would have tried really hard not to drool or get aroused at the sight of their low cut crop tops and short skirts. Mingyu noticed that he felt nothing. Women’s appeal had no effect on him anymore, neither did any man who might have looked like Wonwoo. There was only one boy in the world who could make him hungry and at the same time quell his desires. And there was only one child of God, one soul ever made in heaven, one life, one individual and so on. Ultimately, was only one person who could fill his heart. 

The linebacker felt replenished by the sight of Wonwoo who had been standing with his friends along the elevated walkway above the sideline. S.Coups confidently joined him too, saying hello to everyone briefly before sauntering off with Jeonghan who he had been having a staring contest with while Jun and Minghao told Mingyu how awesome he was.

As Jun and Minghao got sidetracked in their own world, dragging Vernon along with them, Mingyu walked to the left, nodding his head towards the spot he wanted to talk to Wonwoo at.  
Wonwoo met him off of the sidelines. 

In that moment, Wonwoo felt what Shownu had felt when he had faced off against Mingyu. The latter was certainly a beast by anyone’s standards. At first he was only slightly intimidated by the man however, but that came to pass. With Mingyu, things weren’t always physical, nor were they drawn to each other by simple attraction. He could gawk at the size of Mingyu’s hands, or how tall he was, but he’d get used to those things. What he could never get accustomed to was how Mingyu looked at him. That smile of his always made him blush, but not out of embarrassment, sexual innuendo, evolutionary functions or any such thing like that. It wasn’t his imagination that always ran off creating storylines behind Mingyu’s every action or speculating with Jun and Minghao as to why Mingyu did something a certain way. For him, blushing was the mind’s natural response to the greatest compliment he could ever receive from a man, their attention. 

Having lived without emotional support from his parents certainly left him feeling empty all of his childhood, delusionally in love with men in superhero comics, or stranded in his own world. That was all he ever wanted after all, someone to call his, and someone to call him theirs. 

But it would have been terribly wrong to say that he was a love-crazed boy just looking to find some guy to make him feel whole. Feeling whole was a large part of romance he thought, but the ends should never justify the means. He was not a pragmatic person, rather, he upheld moral principles. He would never, ever, subject himself to his whims, or subject others to his. He would never get down on his knees for any man just to feel ‘good’ or let any man touch him because he wanted it all to go away. Life was tough, life was suffering. He had to endure it, for now. And at the threshold of suffering were the gates of His kingdom, where his soul would be free from biological needs, therapy, hormones, everything. All he wanted to feel was the sunlight on his skin. 

Concerning the feeling he felt when he gazed up at that handsome face over him, Wonwoo longed for the day that he could look at the sun without going blind. Love on earth seemed like a death sentence. It wasn’t like he was destined for hell of course. It was more like… a one way ticket to heaven, the eternal life, where God’s hands separated life from suffering. And he’d be whole again, because then the negation of life would be negated, like light being made brighter and pure. 

He wasn’t speaking in occult terms of course. Wonwoo smiled even more brightly than he had been at the thought. Rather, he found it impossible to describe his religion in terms of anything that wasn’t symbolic or metaphorical. He supposed that was something humanity had yet to overcome. 

Mingyu saw Wonwoo’s teeth as his lips pulled apart even more.

“What’s gotten you so smiley. I don’t remember saying anything other than ‘hey’. I didn’t see you sneak alcohol here so you can’t be drunk. Unless-”

“Maybe it’s because you survived Jaehyun and Shownu’s antics.” Wonwoo breathed, hands falling on Mingyu’s chest as he went to push the man.

“I didn’t realize how much I appreciated having you around until it looked like there was a four car pile up on the field.” Wonwoo giggled. “You looked fiercer than a snow storm on a highway.” 

“Oh really? Is that why you looked frozen on the bleachers?” 

“No I-”

“I forgot sorry. You actually looked pretty warm since you kept getting flustered. I have that effect, can’t keep control of it.” Mingyu said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Well, you kept control of yourself when Shownu was trying to irk you on. I have to hand it to you Gyu. I hope your patience lasts.” 

Mingyu narrowed his eyes, but his smile stayed as he looked down at Wonwoo.

“Shownu? Who’s that?” 

Wonwoo blinked a couple of times, wondering if Mingyu was being serious.

“The guy that was giving you a hard time out there. Vernon told me about him.”

“Wait, is Vernon trying to get you to like this guy or something because I swear, he’s not even that good at football. He obviously wasn’t paying attention enough. That guy’s a douchebag.” Mingyu grunted, eyeing Vernon where he was standing between Jun and Minghao. Wonwoo only gave him an unimpressed look, but he didn’t ignore the protected feeling that Mingyu gave him.

“No, dumbass. Vernon was telling me how he’s bad news. No need to worry big guy. Forget football.” Wonwoo laughed, flicking his hand as if swatting away the idea. “You’re way more handsome than he is.” 

“That wasn’t-” Mingyu gritted, trying to suppress the warmth creeping up on his face. “Nevermind. You twist everything just to get at me.” Mingyu said, half-mad and half-jokingly.

“Maybe you need to set me straight then.” Wonwoo replied, resting his weight on his back leg.

Mingyu transferred his helmet to his other hand and poked Wonwoo’s shoulder with his other. “Yeah, you do get it twisted. You see, all the guys that have interacted with you, well, it kinda works the other way for them. They don’t stay straight for long.” Mingyu snickered.

Wonwoo was about to open his mouth when Mingyu covered it with his gloved hand. His palm basically engulfed one half of Wonwoo’s face. 

“That’s why I’m keeping an eye out for you. If that guy, Shownu, comes near you or if he makes eye contact, look away and don’t talk to him. Vernon’s right, he is bad news. Alright?” Mingyu warned, his eyes widening slightly to indicate that he meant business.

“Damn, I don’t think Jaehyun even compares. Wait, on second thought, stay away from both of them” Mingyu muttered, letting go of Wonwoo’s face.

“Fine, but now you owe me two explanations once this show is over. Try not to crack any skulls for me please.”

“They’re wearing helmets anyways.” Mingyu retorted. He began to step backwards after hearing the whistle concluding half-time. Wonwoo followed him with a couple of steps, but decided not to hound him any longer. Deep down, he trusted the taller boy to keep it cool, even if he wasn’t fully aware of what the underlying situation would entail

“You’re a barbarian Kim. Don’t make me hack into the school computer and change your grades to get you kicked off the team. I take a cyber security class you know.”

“Sorry princess, can’t make any promises.”

III

The home-team won as Sehun delivered the final blow, having scored 43 to 13. The Pledis Pharaoh Hounds made a great start on the long road to the championships. 

Mingyu was the one who made the move to have the entire team pick up Bambam and parade him around the field. He figured it would cheer him up after basically being tackled a bunch of times. At the end of their performance, Bambam was given the gatorade shower and a slap on the back from the coach. 

The tallest player had been on his way to meet up with Wonwoo and head to the party when he froze like a deer caught in headlights at the sight of Jaehyun already making his way up the stairs. 

Jaehyun stalked silently across the asphalt walkway, basking in the approbation he received from grandmothers, the “good job out there kid”s from fathers, and “so that’s Jaehyun? Oh he’s so handsome sweetie”s from mothers. Everyone seemed to love him, except Wonwoo. But before he could jump to conclusions about Jaehyun simply wanting Wonwoo to conform to public opinion, he stopped himself from walking further, deciding to observe their interaction.

The brown-haired boy’s hand found itself on Wonwoo’s waist. Jaehyun used the leverage to bring Wonwoo around to face him, as if he were expecting some sort of friendly greeting. Wonwoo only scowled, grabbing Jaehuun’s bare arm and unlatching it from his side. 

Wonwoo’s friends narrowed their eyes, not being too fond of the new addition to their conversation either. But Wonwoo gestured for them to stay back as he dealt with the boy. After a minute of shooting words back and forth, Jaehyun accepted defeat, but Mingyu did not fail to notice that the guy seemed to have grown even more sure of himself just by the smirk on his face. 

Although Wonwoo had denied Jaehyun’s advances, Mingyu was still left in a sour mood. The blame could not be put on Wonwoo, he knew that. However, his emotions ran rampant, and he wasn’t so sure of asking Wonwoo what he had been planning to ask, not when Jaehyun was still running loose. But was he really causing trouble? No. He was trouble waiting to happen, and Mingyu needed to get him out of the way before any progress could be made. Well, that was what he told himself. To him, the friendship he had cultivated with Wonwoo was under the influence of multiple external factors. To Wonwoo, it was internal. The black-haired boy couldn’t care less about what anyone else thought. Then added on to that, nor could their relationship be based on what they themselves perceived people as thinking. 

The interaction between Wonwoo and Jaehyun didn’t look good but something at the back of Mingyu’s head was telling him to shrug it off. Yet it was in these kinds of moments where uncertainty triumphed over love. 

Having enough, Mingyu came up behind Wonwoo and snaked an arm around his waist as he buried his head in Wonwoo’s neck. The shorter boy had a hard time figuring out if Mingyu was in puppy dog mode or if he was in night club mode. He would have much preferred the former if he were to be honest, but he was appreciative of anything that sent the memo to Jaehyun that he wasn’t interested.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting something but we gotta go. I don’t want to park on the street because we got there late.” Mingyu said, muttering into Wonwoo’s neck. His tone was the most abrasive as it could have been, all in the hopes of making Jaehyun back off.

“Wait, hold up. I can’t let my sweet little Wonu go with you.” Jaehyun smirked. “Not with your hands all over him anyways. Who the hell do you think you are bro? I was talking to him first.” Jaehyun said, pointing to himself with his thumb.

Mingyu snarled. His hands locked around Wonwoo’s stomach as he rested his head above Wonwoo’s exposed collarbones. 

“I’m Wonwoo’s boyfriend.”


	18. Strength and Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: VULGAR LANGUAGE, sexual themes and violence.

“What?” Jaehyun gawked. It was as if everything he thought he knew was suddenly invalidated, like a toddler demolishing an entire city of blocks that he had built. 

At first he was somewhat impressed with Mingyu’s supposed acting skills, but on the other hand, Wonwoo hadn’t jerked away when the taller boy came up to him. It looked as though Wonwoo was accustomed to it, like he had embraced it. 

Wonwoo sighed, splaying his long slender fingers over the large and tan arms wrapped around him. Mingyu’s veins weren’t just showing on his forehead as he glared at Jaehyun, they coursed through his arms as well. It was something that Wonwoo noticed as his eye lashes fell towards where Mingyu’s own fingers were subtly messaging his stomach. 

He internally laughed at the thought of Mingyu using the moment to conveniently get out whatever affection he had been wanting to show him. He could only dream that it was the case. Wonwoo wouldn’t even had been surprised if Mingyu took advantage of the situation and kissed him. Would he be shocked and repulsed by a display of irrational desire and sinful lust? Yes. Surprised? No.

“You obviously don’t have eyes all over your head but it was obvious. Sorry if this was how you found out.” Wonwoo said, his tone somewhat remorseful. His face was grim and cold. Of course he wasn’t going to go any further than that and start apologizing profusely. Rather, he thought Jaehyun deserved to receive an honest and genuine response, not an overblown performance. Above all that, he couldn’t muster up the strength to care. Why should he be sorry for loving Mingyu? He would never sacrifice his love for the boy, disgracing it, reproaching it, denouncing it and so on, even if that provided comfort for the boy who he rejected. 

“Sorry bud, I asked him out first. I heard about you trying to make a move on Wonu so I acted fast. Snooze you lose.” Mingyu snickered, but then winced as Wonwoo pinched his wrist. 

“What? I’m just making it clear that you’re mine.” Mingyu grunted, purposely forgetting about Jaehyun. He grabbed the other side of Wonwoo’s head and turned it towards him. Wonwoo knew Mingyu was strong, but if the taller had applied any more force he swore his neck would have snapped. Their heads were turned towards each other, Mingyu still looming over him and above his collarbones. The taller boy’s nostrils had flared and Wonwoo could feel warm air on his neck, seeping down his sweater. 

Wonwoo shivered in Mingyu’s hold. The football player’s husky voice wasn’t helping to keep him cold-faced and composed. In fact, he could feel a blush crawling up his face right now. He couldn’t let Jaehyun see, not out of reasons of making him suspicious, or for reasons of decency and modesty, but because their moment with each other could not be made less sacred with the guy’s prying eyes. 

“You can make it clear to me tonight, but not now. It’s rude when we’re in front of company.” Wonwoo smiled, turning his head slightly towards Jaehyun.

Mingyu grinned, still ignoring Jaehyun but unintentionally now. The taller was much more focused on the way Wonwoo’s lips curled and how his eyes became more alluring and shadowy. Mingyu himself was somewhat wary of going down that path with Wonwoo, knowing how religious and ‘uptight’ he was. Even if the most primal desires lurking in his unconscious howled at the thought of ravaging Wonwoo that night, he knew how wrong the words felt for Wonwoo to say them, and he wasn’t even the one who spoke them. 

Mingyu had a problem now. His biology demanded that he act, taking Wonwoo from Jaehyun’s perverted gaze and away to some place secluded to mark his territory. Screw that, he thought. A part of him would do anything just to show that he owned Wonwoo. He didn’t care if it was in a car surrounded by people walking by, or if it was behind a tree in a forest. But that sounded just as perverted as he made Jaehyun out to be. Was he no better than Jaehyun? Did he want to use Wonwoo’s body as well, as if the boy was just a corpse, a shell, a soulless tool for satisfying his urges? That was everything that he hated about himself. And he knew that it was also what Wonwoo hated. Did he even have the guts to tell the black-haired boy what that part of him wanted? Did he have enough shame to have this conversation with his own mother?

There was a reason why certain isolated locations popped up in his head as he thought of destroying Wonwoo’s body, laying waste to it as the shorter was rendered weak, shaking, and breathless. It was because the moral reaction to such “natural” feelings was shame, guilt, and indignation. He knew guilt and shame weren’t always a societal thing. They were real and objective, not socially constructed. Indignation was what one was supposed to feel at the sight of something morally wrong. He could almost hear Wonwoo telling him that. 

But those feelings he had towards Wonwoo were not what he completely wanted, or what represented him. There was something else provoking those thoughts in him. It certainly wasn’t Wonwoo trying to seduce him.

He was afflicted with something animalistic and sinister. By the way, those words did not detract from each other as all evil people weren’t necessarily calculated. Usually, their calculatedness came after making a moral error or an error of knowledge. That is where the irrational side of evil came into play.

But Mingyu’s intellect demanded the opposite. The intellect, not the unconscious, was the identifiable part of man. It comprised his essential nature. Rationality was the essence of man as Aristotle put it. Thus, the part of him that had conjured up all the deviant thoughts did not truly define him. And it took the realization of his love for Wonwoo to discover this. His intellect required him to pursue Wonwoo in a rational way, look at him in a more respectable manner and handle him gently like the precious gem he was. That was the real part of Mingyu, the true and pure part. He knew that Wonwoo was an end in himself, not a means to satisfy his feral desires.

That didn’t mean his body cooperated with his mind of course. It was evident once he looked down.

Wonwoo felt something prod him. At first he thought it was Mingyu’s arm but he confirmed that it was still wrapped around him. His eyes flickered as he looked down at his feet, most likely in embarrassment but also resignation. He discovered that it wasn’t Mingyu’s arm, and that he was by no means small. At first he thought that the taller boy had a water bottle in his pants.

Laughing nervously, he began to step away from Jaehyun who had been watching them like a tea kettle waiting to explode. 

Doing a favor for Mingyu, Wonwoo made sure to stay in front of him to hide his bulge from the people who had flooded the walkway. Mingyu grimaced for a brief second but recovered the smirk that had been on his face, maintaining his role as Wonwoo’s fake boyfriend. Meanwhile, Jaehyun hadn’t looked so impressed anymore.

“What’s so funny. You like trying to put me down?” Jaehyun seethed. “I don’t like coming in second place Won. I think you knew that when you met me. Great way to try to ruin a guy’s ego.” 

“No. I’m not taking any pleasure in any of this, but I would if you left.” Wonwoo said coldly, face morphing from warm and flustered to grim and daring. “I didn’t want to lead you on, and I wasn’t thinking of doing it like this.”

“Doesn’t matter. This kid better enjoy what he has now because I’m gonna take you away from him.” Jaehyun smirked. 

“You’re already taking away my patience. Get the fuck out of here Jae, you don’t want to be on my list do you?” Mingyu gritted.

“Trust and believe you’re the fuck on mine.” Jaehyun retorted, eyeing Wonwoo slyly before turning to step in the other direction.

“No one’s on any one’s list. Both of you are registering as dumbasses on my radar though. Your stupidity can be seen from outer space. As for you in particular Jaehyun, don’t think I want to give you any more air time but let me make it clear. I’m not interested, and there’s only one place in my love life, end of conversation.” 

“Yeah okay, but keep your fucking rotweiler on a leash. I’m not looking to get in any fights here. And I’m telling you Won, the conversation’s just started.” Jaehyun winked.

“See ya at the party. I told my buddy to keep a room for us.” he grinned, flashing his pearly white teeth before disappearing in the crowd.

Mingyu was about to step out from behind Wonwoo and tap Jaehyun on the shoulders before knocking his lights out, but Wonwoo stopped him by holding onto his arm. 

“Don’t try anything with Wonwoo or else things won’t be just a conversation.” Mingyu warned, still slightly pulling Wonwoo along with him as he tried to get closer to Jaehyun. Wonwoo only tightened his grip and buried his head into Miingyu’s left bicep. The football player held Wonwoo to his side, wrapping his arm around the smaller boy’s back.

Having suppressed his arousal, Mingyu had changed their stance, coming around to block Wonwoo from Jaehyun’s depravity. He leaned down as if to make sure he was alright, almost as if to make it look like they were kissing.

“Mingyu, I-”

“I’m a good actor right?” Mingyu smirked.

“Well, yes, but I was going to tell you to put some deodorant on.” Wonwoo snickered, tilting his head to look up at Mingyu. 

“Ahhh.” Wonwoo giggled, as Mingyu’s arms left the other’s waist to poke his sides. 

“You don’t need to tell me I guess, Jaehyun looked like he bought everything. So…” Mingyu began, wiping the sweat from his forehead. 

“No, you were good.” Wonwoo smiled. “You even fooled me.” 

“Oh, uh-”

“You wanted to get going?” Wonwoo asked, voice becoming blunt. He averted his gaze away from Mingyu, now staring into the mass of people on the walkway in front of them. 

“Yeah I-, I had something to ask you but I think I’ll leave it for some other time. I could use a drink.” Mingyu breathed. 

“Seriously? I don’t want to make it sound like you can’t tell me something. And I’m not just curious now, I’m concerned. You can tell me anything, even if we haven’t known each other long. You can feel how strong our friendship is, right?” 

Mingyu struggled to understand his own actions and was stumped regarding what course of action he should take. Here Wonwoo was offering up an ear to him but it still wasn’t good enough. There was something behind Wonwoo’s smile that wasn’t disingenuous, rather, it was something that Wonwoo wasn’t telling him. The way Wonwoo spun to the right to face front, how he hadn’t made eye contact with him until now, and how hurried he seemed suggested to Mingyu that Wonwoo wanted to get out of their present situation as soon as possible.

From what Wonwoo had come off to him as, Mingyu was sure that all the boy craved was affection. But the minute that Mingyu had touched him it was like a raindrop falling into the ocean. He seemed to have made things worse. Wonwoo looked as though he had just been stung by a bee, the bee who had been the subject of his own curiosity and admiration.

“Yeah, I have the same feeling too, but- I don’t want to make things different between us so I’ll need some time to rethink what I’m gonna say. It’s nothing bad, well, in my opinion.” Mingyu exhaled.

“So long as you’re not a serial killer or anything.” Wonwoo chuckled. “And you’re only going to have a couple drinks and that’s it. One, I’m not gonna drive you home. I couldn’t drive pickup trucks if my life depended on it. And two, I don’t want you making any bad decisions, okay?”

“Yes mom. And don’t worry, I need to keep up my game in case anyone tries to make a move on you.” Mingyu winked. 

He decided to keep his hands to himself, not wrapping an arm around Wonwoo to guide him to the parking lot. He supposed he wanted to see if Wonwoo would notice, and he did, but the shorter boy didn’t say anything. Mingyu knew something was up but remembered that Wonwoo most likely was not going to talk if Mingyu wasn’t either. He supposed they both had barriers to get over.

II

Mingyu’s cleats dug into the gravel in the special lot he had parked in and Wonwoo’s shoes made a crunching sound as he walked alongside him.

Before leaving, they regrouped with S.Coups and Jeonghan and said goodbye to Wonwoo’s friends. Wonwoo hadn’t told them about the party since he didn't know where they fit in with Mingyu, however the taller one happily invited them along as well. 

It turned out that Vernon and Seungkwan as well as Jun and Minghao had been in the same predicament, all sighing in relief once they heard that they had all been invited by the host himself. Wonwoo entrusted Jun with his car with the latter mocking Wonwoo with the promise that he wouldn’t smoke in it. Of course it was all a joke as none of them believed in putting something that was burning in their mouths. 

It had grown darker out with the orange and purple light escaping below the horizon. White light from the headlights of a car conveniently illuminated the way to Mingyu’s truck for them. 

As they reached the tailgate of the football player’s pickup truck, Mingyu lugged his gym bag over the edge and into the trunk, throwing his helmet in as well. 

The taller was still sorting out things when Wonwoo turned his head towards him, bored by how Mingyu seemed to take so much interest in shuffling things in his bag around. 

“Don’t tell me you left your keys in the locker room.” Wonwoo smiled.

“No, just making sure I have everything. You can use my bag as a pillow. You’re going to be riding in the back for now.” Mingyu smirked.

“Thanks for being so thoughtful, was it that obvious that I didn’t want to be sitting next to you?” Wonwoo retorted.

“A lot of things you do make the opposite seem obvious actually.” the football player replied, turning around to lean against his truck, slightly crossing one leg over the other as he remained standing. Mingyu’s pose could have passed as one of those scenes where boyfriends would wait outside their girlfriend’s home as they leaned against their truck. Wonwoo thought that it all looked amusing.

“Is it the fact that I haven’t slapped you yet? That’s the best thing I could think of. Other than that it’s pretty hard to be nice to you.” Wonwoo smiled.

“Why? Because I’m so handsome that it makes you hate me for having that effect on you?” Mingyu asked, casually resting an arm on the top of the tailgate as he grazed his hair with his hand.

“The only effect you have on me is making me want to-”

“What? Kiss me.” Mingyu winked, leaning down towards Wonwoo. His husky voice had caused the shorter boy to tremble, that is if his words hadn’t paralyzed him. 

“Damn, did I strike a nerve?” Mingyu snickered. “I was practicing in case Jaehyun came back and didn’t believe that we were dating.” 

Wonwoo only scowled. He spun around and was about to trounce to the passenger door when Mingyu grabbed his arm.

“Hold on Won, did you forget that I’m the one who gets the door for you.” the taller said, cocking an eyebrow.

“Sorry, I forgot that you weren’t a douchebag.” Wonwoo said, cracking a smile. Mingyu still held on to his forearm as if he were about to drag Wonwoo, but he simply stared down at him.

“What am I gonna do with you Won?” the football player whistled, sighing because Wonwoo looked beautiful with the moonlight reflecting off his perfect and angular face. He almost looked unreal with how the light had shown him. 

“Take me to the party.” Wonwoo hummed, saying it like he was stating the obvious. 

“Yo Kim!” a voice called, and this time it wasn’t his coach. “The real question is, what am I gonna do with him!” 

Mingyu and Wonwoo’s heads whipped sideways, recognizing the infamous center player from the game. The taller player’s arm instinctively came to grab Wonwoo by the waist, bringing him closer to him as he stepped out to come partially in front of the skinny black-haired boy. 

“Shownu? If you come closer I swear I’ll fuck you up!” Mingyu growled, turning around while his hand stretched out, feeling for Wonwoo’s hip so that he could push the shorter behind him.

“You don’t have the balls Kim. You’re all talk.”

“Just because he has self-restraint doesn’t mean he won’t pummel you. Not if I get to you first.” Wonwoo gritted, holding onto Mingyu’s left shoulder and bicep as he peered out from behind him. Mingyu pushed him back, causing Wonwoo to stumble slightly.

“Be quiet. I got this.” Mingyu grunted, narrowing his eyes as he turned to glance at the boy he was protecting. Wonwoo looked at him with shock but also pride. He liked being put in his place.

“So he’s more to you than just a friend?” Shownu asked, biting his lip as his lingering eyes violated Wonwoo’s innocence simply by falling onto his angular figure sticking out from behind Mingyu’s large form.

“I don’t see why that matters. You came here looking for a fight didn’t you? I’ll give you a fight then. I’ll fucking make sure you won’t be looking for one ever again after I’m through with you.” Mingyu spat, overworking himself to the point that he hoped he wouldn’t need Shownu to even mutter a word before he was on top of him beating the hell out of him.

“You should go.” Wonwoo warned, expression stern. “Mingyu isn’t the kind of guy who breaks his promises.”

“I’ll break his fucking bones.” Mingyu snickered, giving a sly smile to Wonwoo. 

“I wanted to see what made you tick Kim. I guess I haven’t been pushing the right buttons. Shownu smirked, eyeing Wonwoo. “Bet you don’t want your princess to think you’re some kind of monster huh? Who cares what he thinks though? You could hand him over to me and go after any of the cheerleaders for your team. I saw them for myself, they aren’t bad to look at.”

Wonwoo seethed. “Do you understand that Mingyu is doing you a favor?” 

“I’ll give you ten seconds Shownu. The only thing I don’t want my princess right here to do is have to call an ambulance to drag your sorry ass to the hospital. The graveyard's closer you know.”

“And more suitable.” Wonwoo added.

“Shut up bitch, I didn’t give you permission to talk. Now get out of here so I don’t have to worry about damaging your pretty face.” Shownu quipped, shaking his arms and cracking his knuckles.

9...8...7…

“Mingyu, if we just turn around and ignore him you won't have given him the fight he wanted. Plus there’s a bunch of people still here. You don’t want to get suspended from the team or anything do you?.” Wonwoo whispered, face etched with concern. 

6...5...4…

“You should listen to your bitch Kim. Step aside and I’ll take him off your hands for you.” Shownu said, bearing his teeth as if checking himself out in a mirror. 

Mingyu already made a step forward after hearing Shownu call Wonwoo a bitch and what came out of the other football player’s mouth only plunged things further into chaos. 

3...2…1

“Bet his boypussy felt good right? That must be why you don’t want to let him go huh?” Shownu cracked a predatory grin, not fully present in the moment or aware of Mingyu’s advance. “Hope it isn’t too used though.”

As soon as the words left Shownu’s mouth, Mingyu had given the other enough time to get into a fighting stance and raise his arms. Yet somehow Wonwoo proved to be too much of a distraction for Shownu, so much so that he was unable to detect Mingyu’s movement or feel the air change as the taller’s fist glided through it and collided with his chin. Mingyu had swung a right cross, causing Shownu to stumble sideways before the former grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back for another hit. 

This time, Shownu responded on instinct, aiming for Mingyu’s right cheek. However, the middle linebacker blocked it with his arm, curtailing the pain of what would have been an impactful blow. As Shownu had overextended himself Mingyu took the time to punch the boy’s chest with his left fist in a rapid jabbing motion while he went in for Shownu’s abdomen. 

The away team’s center player attempted to protect his torso, covering himself rather than going on the offensive. He jumped every time Mingyu’s fist met his upper body and crouched over during the entire process as if he were about to vomit. Mingyu wasn’t going to use the opportunity to punch Shownu’s defenseless face once again since he was above that. But he couldn’t deny that the thought hadn’t crossed him.

Not through with him yet, Mingyu grabbed Shownu by his jersey with one hand, lifting him off the ground like he had done so on the field. The other boy kicked his feet, trying to dig his feet into Mingyu’s shins but the latter held him up even higher and further away from him. Shownu latched onto the large arm that was clamped below his chin, struggling to get out of the grip with the urgency of someone who was being choked. 

“Mingyu!” Wonwoo cried, dashing towards Mingyu where he was holding up his trophy. “He’s had enough! Put him down!” he added quickly, out of breath by the sight. 

Calm and carefree, Mingyu turned slowly to glance at Wonwoo, the boy who he had beaten Shownu up for. Yet his display of force had surpassed gentlemanly etiquette. Wonwoo noticed that Mingyu had lost himself in trying to rectify something that had been said, as if a couple of words warranted violence. 

The taller boy smirked, stealing what had been on Shownu’s face before he had been roughed up. It was like watching someone become an entirely new person. Mingyu had forgotten the original reason; the person who he was supposedly fighting for. 

“If you say so.” he chuckled, hand shooting towards the other part of Shownu’s collar causing Wonwoo to tense. Mingyu then twisted his body so that he could gain enough momentum to swing Shownu back, and then a second later, he slammed the other football player towards the ground. 

Shownu hadn’t landed flat on his back entirely, rather, he slid a couple of feet across the dirt and gravel groaning in pain nonetheless. 

By this time, Vernon, Jun and S.Coups arrived in front of their partners to get a closer look at the ruckus they had heard coming from a few hundred feet away. 

Mingyu didn’t acknowledge them as he was still granting the mangled and disoriented Shownu a deadly stare. If the other football player had landed at any other angle, Wonwoo had no doubt that Mingyu would have broken his neck, paralyzing him... or worse. 

“Dude, what the hell happened?” S.Coups shouted, running around Shownu and grabbing Mingyu’s shoulders to guide him back a step. 

Mingyu shook his head and let out a growl. “I’m not sure I want to even utter what this fucking bastard said about Wonwoo!” he shouted, pointing at the guy who was bringing himself to stand once again. 

The middle linebacker sprang back to fighting stance, jumping on the balls of his feet and bringing his arms back to ready position. But before he could step forward, S.Coups used all of his strength to hold Mingyu back in the hopes of getting his attention.

“Woah woah woah calm down man. If Wonwoo’s hurt we need to get him checked out first.”

“That’s what the fuck that I was doing before this motherfucker had to ruin it for me.” Shownu snapped, resting a hand on his knee as he caught his breath. Through the raw malice that Shownu had grown for Mingyu, Wonwoo could see a grin poking through on the guy’s face, like he was taking pleasure in disturbing the peace and even in his own pain. Perhaps he had another motive besides taking him away from Mingyu.

S.Coups ignored Shownu’s complaint, side stepping to where Wonwoo was next to him. “You okay?” he asked, wrapping his hands around Wonwoo’s wrists, inspecting them for any bruises. 

“I’m fine, really. It’s Mingyu you should worry about, he doesn’t seem like he’s in control of himself.” Wonwoo muttered, although he whispered a ‘thank you’ and gave S.Coups a warm smile.

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo with an angered expression, reasserting his authority over the black-haired boy by grabbing his forearm and pulling him closer to him.

“You don’t get it do you?” he growled. “He just fucking disrespected you, to your face right in front of me, like he thought he could get away with it. He said he was gonna take you away from me, said he was gonna-.” Mingyu stopped, not wanting to imagine what that would look like. His eyes softened as he held Wonwoo’s waist with his other arm, maneuvering him out of Shownu’s sight. 

“You know what, let’s get out of here.” Mingyu sighed. Although he released a breath, there was still built up tension in his shoulders and arms that walking away from a fight was almost betrayal.

As they began to walk to the truck after quickly waving goodbye to their friends, Mingyu was granted the opportunity to get all of his frustration out when Shownu decided that it was smart to open his mouth again. 

“There’s always a next time Kim. Maybe you can have your bitch once I’m done with him. Right after I passed him to the team.” Showny snickered. “I bet you’d be willing to get STDs just to tap that fine ass right?” 

Mingyu didn’t even pause in his tracks at the remark, rather, he had already spun around, yanking his arm away from S.Coups. Wanting to be gentle with Wonwoo, Mingyu let the shorter boy hold onto his arm.

“Don’t do this Mingyu, he’s trying to get you worked up. Are you blind?” Wonwoo whispered, a tinge of anger in his tone. 

“No, are you?” the taller gritted. Yet his spiteful words didn’t match with his actions as he pulled Wonwoo’s arm off of his lightly, making sure that Wonwoo kept behind him as he confronted Shownu. 

Wonwoo watched him walk forward, a disappointed glint in his eyes. It wasn’t that he was frustrated or angry. In fact, he had accepted Mingyu’s short temper, for now. But this wasn’t just an issue of temperament. What Shownu represented was an internal flaw between them which was expressing itself in the form of violence. If Mingyu was this frustrated with himself and how things were moving in their friendship, this could have been an outlet for him. But either way, he was barking up the wrong tree. 

The shorter boy understood that S.Coups and his gang would be able to stop Mingyu from doing anything stupid, thus Wonwoo held off on having the talk that he wanted to have with other, if he could even call it that and not a scolding. He did his best at catching up to Mingyu and yanking his arm backwards as S.Coups took the other. The both of them tugged him in the opposite direction but what could they expect from the boy who had previously knocked down four football players in a row.

It would have looked as though Wonwoo and S.Coups were restraining Mingyu so that Shownu could punch him without any resistance, but luckily, Jun and Vernon grabbed Shownu as well, sensing that he was about to make a move. 

Mingyu tried to be polite to his friend, and struggled not to be too rough with Wonwoo, however the mere presence of the away team’s center player infuriated him. Why Shownu hadn’t left already was on everyone’s minds and was beyond them.

Perhaps this was the pleasure Shownu had sought to extract from Mingyu’s reaction, the simple fact that Mingyu -as much as he wanted to, could not get his hands on him. He was so close yet so far away. 

Both rows of Mingyu’s teeth were visible, glowing in the moonlight as his face morphed into a murderous expression. The taller’s blood heated at the sight of Shownu’s smug grin. 

Mingyu lurched forward, dragging Wonwoo and S.Coups with him. 

“You fucking pussy. There won’t be a next time when I’m done with you. You wanna go right now boy?” Mingyu taunted. His demeanor had changed from being rage-filled to almost as predatory as Shownu had been prior. 

Seeing that their friends needed help, Vernon and Jun deemed Shownu not to be a threat anymore, abandoning him to get in front of Mingyu to block him from going any further. Shownu’s initial steps had simply been a ploy to get the other to react of course. It was then that Mingyu realized he had a bunch of friends who cared about him.

“Guys! I’m cool. I’m cool. I’m cool.” Mingyu assured them, releasing a breath. The death glare that he was giving Shownu however still held. 

“I dare you to come closer and give me a reason to beat your ass.” the middle linebacker gritted, looking over the heads of Vernon and Jun to see Shownu’s confidence disappear. A bit of it stayed behind though, prompting Shownu to think whether he should stay around and see what Mingyu could do. Mingyu’s friends did in fact look like their ability to restrain him was waning. And time suddenly seemed to be catching up to him now. Perhaps fighting another day was the optimal choice for him. After all, self-preservation was always a priority.

Taking advantage of the situation, Shownu was about to skirt off when he ran into the chest of one of Mingyu’s teammates. And it wasn’t S.Coups. 

“What did you call Wonwoo?” a menacing voice asked, almost in a whisper. It was clear that it already knew the answer, but the tone of his voice revealed that he wanted to coax it out of Shownu.

“You think you can leave after calling him a bitch? I was hoping you would stay around a little bit longer. Looks like Mingyu got to you before I could. And you’re the one who talked about passing Wonwoo to the team?’ it chuckled. 

“Jaehyun we already handled it. There’s no need for more trouble.” S.Coups said.

“That’s what this bastard wanted didn’t he?” Jaehyun smiled, causing Shownu to narrow his eyes. It appeared that the latter was done with getting beaten up. But before he could make any remarks, Jaehyun grabbed him by the torso and shoved him into a car parked off to the side. Shownu’s back slammed against the trunk of the car and he let out a groan.

As soon as he had leaned forward to stand on his feet, Jaehyun punched him in the face, making Shownu swallow whatever that was going to come out. 

“Now get the fuck out of here or else you won’t only be dealing with Kim got it?” 

Taking his leave, Shownu disappeared behind clusters of people entering the lot. Their group of friends didn’t pay much mind to Shownu’s absence as much as they hadn't noticed Jaehyun’s presence. Instead, they were more invested in understanding what had caused Mingyu to snap so quickly and easily. Meanwhile, a group of students were watching Shownu scramble past them as if he had seen a ghost.

“Thanks for the help Jae, Mingyu appreciates it more than I do.” S.Coups snickered.

“Never thought being stalked had perks.” Wonwoo added bluntly, voice muffled by Mingyu’s jersey. 

“Having a boyfriend has way more.” Mingyu smirked, forgiving Jaehyun for earlier with a thin smile. He put his hand to his mouth to amplify the sound so that Jaehyun could hear his gratitude. “Hey. Thanks.” he said to his other teammate over his group of friends. 

Because of his pride, Jaehyun huffed, eyeing Wonwoo’s comfortable position in Mingyu’s embrace before walking off to his own truck. Mingyu got the memo that their rivalry was still competitive as ever, even if it was in its first days.

The rest of the gang stayed silent, still processing what was going on in front of them.

“Dude, what the fuck was that?” Vernon asked, breaking his calm disposition.

“I want to know too. Especially after I just got dragged in front of my bo-best friend.” S.Coups added, his expression changing from serious to sheepish in almost an instant. 

“I’ll tell you at the party when I’m drunk enough to even think of that motherfucker.” Mingyu snarled, still looking into the distance to see if Shownu was completely gone. After verifying that he wasn’t, Mingyu realized that the black-haired boy beside him was still clutching onto him for his dear life. Actually, for both of theirs.

Wonwoo’s head was pressing into his forearm, looking like a child who wanted to go home. Mingyu could have cooed at the sight if the rest of the boys weren’t watching them. He didn’t doubt that Jeonghan and Minghao wouldn’t crucify him as soon as they got a chance to speak with their friend. He had heard some things about Seungkwan too which made him laugh inside. 

The weight on his shoulders and the literal weight that had been pulling him in all directions had subsided, for the most part. There was still the smaller boy that he hadn’t forgotten to protect, even if he had gone overboard with things.

His arm came around Wonwoo’s back and pushed the boy slightly so that he could spin him around and start walking towards the truck. Yet reality had to be cruel as Wonwoo slipped on a rock, causing his legs to give way and his body to fall backwards mid-spin. While their improv performance played out, the other three couples watched as the taller boy caught the damsel. It all made them think whether Mingyu had grown this desperate that he’d pull a trick out of a romantic fairytale. 

Mingyu leaned over Wonwoo, holding his back with one hand, and holding Wonwoo’s right hand with his other. Wonwoo’s eyes remained cold and his lips hadn’t even pursed in surprise. Rather than let out a squeal as he had done when Mingyu usually tickled him, his breath simply hitched. Wonwoo looked up at Mingyu as if he was dying, and that he needed the football player to kiss him and save him. Nothing cried out ‘help me’ more than Wonwoo staring back limply into Mingyu’s eyes as he closed their fingers together. 

“Bro are you gonna kiss him or what?” S.Coups asked Mingyu plainly, wearing a proud smile as he kept his arm around Jeonghan. 

Mingyu narrowed his eyes which darted angrily towards his teammate. “If you didn’t like being dragged then you don’t want to piss me off any further.”

“Woah woah I don’t want to fight.” S.Coups chuckled. “I was just a representative for the group. It's what we’re all thinking. Don’t shoot the messanger.” He added holding his hands up. Wonwoo on the other hand winced as if he had been caught red handed. Perhaps Mingyu would have followed through with kissing him if S.Coups hadn’t reminded him that he was still there.

“I don’t shoot anyone.” Mingyu calmly replied, flexing the arm that had been connected with Wonwoo’s hand. The football player helped Wonwoo regain his footing and guided him towards his truck, leaving the rest of them to stand there like extras and stage props. 

Wonwoo gave his friends a grin which told them to forgive Mingyu for being so rude, and perhaps to forget about the whole thing that just occurred. Either way they’d all see each other again at the party, but in what form? As friends or as boyfriends? 

He was glad that Mingyu took the initiative, even if it was a fake one. Wonwoo supposed he wasn’t guilty of being romantically in love with someone since they were the ones that came onto him first. He hoped that Mingyu’s scheme could continue throughout the night, so long as Jaehyun was around. Wonwoo was by no means reluctant to play along, even if the rational side of him was telling him to cut off the hand that was making him sin. If Mingyu had been the one to make the first move, the shorter boy had invited it. And now the Devil was on his doorstep, nevermind Jaehyun.

“I’m sorry about going all out back there. You know I was just protecting who I care about right?” Mingyu asked, unsure whether his apology would go unaccepted. 

“I know.” Wonwoo replied, briefly and lightly. It wasn’t like he was going to hold Mingyu accountable for anything serious. He wanted to be more like an investigator than a prosecutor.

“So. You ready to have some fun tonight?” Mingyu went on, giving Wonwoo a cheeky grin through the window as he held upon the passenger door for him.

“Yes. I already took some pills that wear off the effects of anything that my drink gets laced with.” Wonwoo retorted, synchronously bringing his leg and arm into the car with him so that Mingyu could close the door.

The football player withheld from replying, coming around to the driver’s side instead.

“You don’t know me well enough if you think I’d bring you to a place where you’re in danger. Fuck, I’d be more worried about Jun doing something stupid than you.” 

“I don’t know you well enough? Hmm. In that sentence you just said, replace ‘you’ with ‘me’.”

“Hey, the comedian who does his shows at the laundromat called and wants his jokes back.”

Wonwoo tried hard not to break out in laughter, keeping his lips together as they stretched into a wide closed-mouth smile. He exhaled through his nose, leaning back in the passenger seat.

“I probably don’t know you well enough to understand, but… what made you go full wolverine back there? Heck, I doubt that you even know yourself well enough. You looked like you didn’t know what you were apologizing for. Not that I needed you to say sorry. And for what? Putting a bastard in his place? No, don’t apologize.” he grinned. “I was just curious.”

“Why? You want to make sure where and how hard you should press down on my buttons? Trust me, I got none. I’m a very patient and tolerant person.” Mingyu snickered.

“From what went down I’d say you are one big button. A puppy during the day, and a wolf at night.” Wonwoo laughed lightly, proud of himself for making the analogy.

“So you like wolves?” Mingyu smirked, making his question more of a statement. They had started driving and Mingyu kept his eyes on the road, but the angle that Wonwoo watched him from didn’t detract from the football player’s sculpted face.

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

“Well, if I’m the big bad wolf, why did you agree to get in the same car as me little Red?” the taller chuckled.

“Now you’re putting words into my mouth. Don’t make this like a little fairy tale performance that you made when you caused me to fall.”

“This kinda feels more like a Westside Story actually. Maybe a Beauty and the Beast.” 

“Whatever you want to call it. My point is that there’s some things we need to work on then. The both of us.”

“Sorry babe, you don't like what I did back there? I should have let you fall then, maybe Jaehyun would have been there to pick you up.”

Wonwoo choked on the air that was blowing into his face from the vent. “I don’t know if I’m more disgusted by you or the thought of Jaehyun. I guess you because your existence is greater given that you are right next to me rather than merely being a thought in my head.” he muttered.

“Woah this isn’t philosophy time Won. My head needs a break. My helmet doesn’t protect it from everything.” 

“Alright. But you don’t need to act like we’re dating when we are alone you know.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“Guess it was the effects of playing a role. Didn’t Plato theorize that actors become their roles off stage.” Mingyu smiled.

“Okay you’ve redeemed yourself. I’ll let you be as obnoxious as you want just because you were actually paying attention to what I said.” Wonwoo clapped.

“Shut up.” Mingyu grinned, shaking his head.

“Are you going to beat yourself up now like you did to Shownu? You disrespected me.” Wonwoo sneered.

“You’re difficult. I want to know where your off button is.” 

“I got a trigger.” 

“Yo, chill.” Mingyu laughed. “And let’s forget about what happened. Be grateful. Shownu won’t ever take you away- he won’t be bothering you again.” Mingyu said, stopping himself. He scratched his head nervously.

“I am grateful. Anyone should be if you were their boyfriend. Even if you are my fake boyfriend I still feel honored, but- what?” Wonwoo stopped, spotting Mingyu trying to suppress a chuckle.

“Nothing. The fact that you said I was your boyfriend hit me in a way.” Mingyu admitted.

“Look, I know you probably haven’t had a girlfriend in a while but at least try not to be desperate.” Wonwoo smiled, joking lightly. 

“Whatever you say babe.” 

The black-haired boy scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he laid back in his seat.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Oh. Sorry. You look nice babe. But I think you should have curled your hair.”

“I never asked whether I looked good or not. And stop trying to use every opening you can to insult me.” Wonwoo gritted, slapping a laughing Mingyu’s shoulder.

“Chill! You’re gonna make us crash!”

“Good. They’ll never find out I was the one that murdered you.” 

“Okay okay, refresh my memory.” Mingyu replied defensively.

“Why did you go so hard on Shownu? Couldn’t you have punched him and left.” Wonwoo asked. 

“Look. You deserve to know why. But there’s nothing saying I can’t hold off on telling you. It makes sense after I tell you that other thing. You know, the thing I wanted to ask you about.”

Wonwoo went back to looking out the passenger window, a grim expression of defeat painted his face.

“Fuck. Wonwoo, don’t give me that. Not even a sarcastic remark. C’mon.” Mingyu sighed at the fact that the other wasn’t budging.

“Okay stop swearing. If you really want us to put on an act in front of Jaehyun then I don’t want to be kissing a vulgar mouth.” Wonwoo giggled, causing Mingyu’s jaw to drop. The taller boy quickly regained his composure, remembering Wonwoo was pretending.

“You still haven’t answered my question either so don’t think you’re think you’re the only inquisitor here. I can play that game too. I’ve had crazy girlfriends before.” Mingyu huffed.

“The thing about you being the big bad wolf and me getting in the same car as you?”

Mingyu nodded, glancing at Wonwoo with genuine interest.

“I like dangerous guys. But I think you snap more easily.”

“So?”

“So. I think I can fix you, like you can fix me. This thing we got going on, it goes further than simply being hot-tempered or cold-demeanored. There’s some skeletons we have in the closet. And there’s a dragon under the rug.”

Mingyu let out a huff in the affirmative. “What makes you think you can fix people?”

Wonwoo smiled. “I never said ‘people’ in general. But with you, well, you’re not entirely a monster. I think if I can make you more dangerous but less volatile, you know, make you keep your sword in your sheath a little more all the while getting you to make your sword sharper. Then... I think we’d have fully actualized the ideal man.”

Mingyu smiled, bewildered and captivated by Wonwoo’s boldness. For a boy who didn’t know him that well Wonwoo seemed like he had all the answers. It was as if he had been born with them, made for Mingyu and only Mingyu. 

The football player wasn’t in this to get something out of Wonwoo, or try to help him. Nor was Wonwoo in it to make himself feel better, or fix Mingyu. Neither individual would sacrifice himself for the other, nor sacrifice the other for himself. What they shared involved no sacrifice. Love in itself denounced the notion of sacrifice because if one truly loved the other, they would want, and take pleasure in doing something for the other, because it made them both happy. True love wasn’t a losing game. Nor was it a game at all. But in the end, it would feel like everyone had won. It was as if life’s suffering was a battle field to be conquered. And what better union was there other than Mingyu and Wonwoo, together as one, to triumph over the unknown? 

Love was what provided them certainty over their own reckless emotions, their unconscious desires, and the limits of their reason. It was all those things which had produced suffering, whose threshold was relegated to Earth. How inferior and insignificant suffering was compared to joy and contentment. 

Suffering was bound to this earth, but their love for each other transcended all things. It had no bounds, no demons, no flaws. It was as unconditional and eternal as He who loved them. It was as if He had made their souls in heaven, destined to recognize each other once again on Earth. Maybe that was why Mingyu seemed so familiar to Wonwoo and felt like home. 

Now all they needed to do was set off on the journey of finding meaning and purpose together, inviting virtue and denying sin. If they had each other, nothing could stop them from reaching the gates of heaven.

Mingyu rested his arm on the window and tapped the steering wheel as a familiar song came on the radio. “Sounds like we’ll have a lot on our plate then."

Wonwoo giggled, covering his mouth as he turned to Mingyu. A sly smile had replaced his usual cold stare.

“Lucky for you, I like a project.”


	19. Summa contra Corporeum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I have a question to ask all of you at the end. You might as well read the chapter first lol because it will make sense. Thanks so much for sticking with this story, love ya'll!!!
> 
> And I cut this chapter shorter even tho its still 7k words. There's so much more and there's angst I have to write! HAHA.

They drove down a forested road that only had two lanes going in opposite directions. The party was supposed to take place somewhere along the eastern side of Long Island where urban sprawl had left untouched, leaving open grasslands and clusters of trees. The road wasn’t that windy as Wonwoo would have expected since he actually lived in rural New Jersey for some summers. Thus, he didn’t think that Mingyu’s focus didn’t need to be completely devoted to the road, allowing them time to talk.

“You promise you will only have a couple of drinks?” Wonwoo asked, losing the seriousness in his voice although it still lingered on his expression. 

Mingyu couldn’t say no to that face, nor could he disrespect Wonwoo’s wishes. There was more to love than gullibleness and puppy dog eyes. He’d behave in a way that honored Wonwoo, which just so happened to mean not getting wasted. How could he enjoy Wonwoo’s presence if he was too out of it? Besides, if his friends got drunk and became bold, he’d need to be aware of any danger in order to protect Wonwoo. So, there were a bunch of reasons not to get drunk, and one of them just so happened to be that he was in love with the boy in the seat next to him. 

“Next time you win we’re going to celebrate at the library or something.” Wonwoo huffed.

“As long as there won’t be any away team players there. I don’t want to mess the whole place up.”

“I know you don’t want to but you would anyways.” Wonwoo smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. But you’re worth it. You’re too amazing not to you know”

“Yes. 

“Full of yourself much?”

“I only know I’m amazing because you tell me all the time.” Wonwoo sighed through his teeth.

“You deserve to know Won. Remember when I knocked all those guys over and that time I tackled their quarterback?” Mingyu asked, trying not to smirk.

“Yeah. That was really something. You were great out there.” 

“Well, I did that for you. And the team can thank you because I wouldn’t have been able to maintain my stamina, have the courage to push through, and be motivated if you weren’t there to support me. Fuck, the only downside was that I was distracted by you. But I mean- who wouldn’t be.”

Wonwoo slowly turned his head away from Mingyu, subtly hiding his anxiety. The black-haired boy didn’t know if Mingyu was teasing him or if he was being sincere. His expression suggested that he was teasing, but the tone of his voice sounded earnest.

On the other hand, Wonwoo could only grin and feel remorse for not seeming more grateful. He never knew how to respond to compliments, perhaps because he had never received them by means that weren’t motivated by gain. His parents only showed him off, but they never actually looked at him as if he were special. They saw him as more like a cold-hearted monster. It was when they deemed his development as an adult a failure that they, in a way, disowned him and renounced their responsibility for him. He wasn’t their creation. Nor was he anyone’s but God’s. Destined for greatness or not, Wonwoo had seized the reins of his life, and he took it upon himself to develop his own character, his own world. He guessed he just didn’t like this one. Until now.

“Cut the crap Gyu. I’m really grateful for what you did but you don’t have to go overboard.” Wonwoo smiled lightly, trying to be careful with his tone. “I mean, I understand if you’d want to get drunk. I’ll keep my judgement to myself then. You just saved me from a psychopath so I don’t think I’m one to talk.” Wonwoo sighed, knowing that what he was saying was actually wrong. 

“No, I’m not. And you’re welcome. But I’m not going to stop my winning streak and get wasted. Plus, isn’t it some sort of logical fallacy or something like that when you say you’re not one to talk. It doesn’t matter what happens to you, or the circumstances. Still doesn’t change the truth or distort it. I don’t care if you told me that I deserve to let loose. Doesn’t matter. I still have responsibilities. I want to make a change. Tonight’s the perfect test for me then.” Mingyu smiled, taking his right hand off the wheel and holding it over the gear shift, palm facing upwards.

“I guess it is.” Wonwoo agreed, looking down at Mingyu’s hand as if a stranger was handing him food. He took it hesitantly, allowing Mingyu’s large hand to engulf his, swinging them a little as if they were both walking next to each other.

“And about me being distracting, you’re right. Except, I think I was more distracting for Shownu. If it weren’t for me then he would have put up more of a fight.” Wonwoo giggled. “Though, I can’t thank you enough, or be scared of you enough. You’re not a puppy anymore.”

“What can I say? You’re worth fighting for.”

“Okay, just don’t be distracted while you’re driving.” Wonwoo said, grimacing in fear at the road ahead of them. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly.

“It’s alright. I couldn't say I’d die for you because anyone can give up their soul. But I can certainly say I’d live for you. You’re worth getting my soul tormented by life” Wonwoo admitted, not bothered by the weight of his words. He watched tree branches and leaves fly over the windows as if time were passing by fast.

“Our friendship already looks like it’s going to be larger than life, really. You’re the only guy I’ve ever met who’s dangerous in a good way. Plus your ability to not fall asleep when I talk is a shock. And a bonus” he added, looking at Mingyu as if he were in a dream-like state.

“Yeah, friendship.” Mingyu breathed, feeling as though they were a married couple driving in the car together. He could already imagine them listening to country music with all the windows rolled down on the highway. Of course he’d let the shorter boy play whatever he wanted on the radio.

Meanwhile he pictured Wonwoo wearing sunglasses, reclined in the passenger seat with his feet dangling out the window. What made him smile even brighter was the thought of little feet kicking against their seats as soft and whining voices asked if they arrived at the beach yet. He welcomed these thoughts, and he would have much preferred to think about them rather than anything that objectified the boy next to him. If only that were the case.

Mingyu wasn’t shocked by where his mind led him in that moment. After all, they both told each other they wanted a whole minivan’s worth of kids. He just wished he could tell that to Wonwoo without making it sound like it was merely something on a bucket list, fated to be checked off by some faceless woman who he had yet to meet in the future. The thought of him getting some girl pregnant with his children -someone who wasn’t Wonwoo, brought a sour taste to his mouth. But he didn’t despair, shrugging it off as he focused on the road.

The football player didn’t want to get ahead of himself, nor did he want to stick his head up in the clouds. Who would when the real beauty of imagination and intellect was sitting peacefully in the passenger seat next to him. 

“Hey!” Mingyu said as if he were scandalized. “Did you just imply that you thought I was dense because I’m a football player?” 

“Wow you just proved me wrong. Kind of late though.” Wonwoo laughed. 

“What the hell, I’m not stupid!”

“You are though if you’re still my friend”

“So Jun is stupid too?” the football player said smugly.

“He is, but not for that reason. You’re different and I think you know it.”

“Same goes for you.” Mingyu huffed.

II

Mingyu parked his truck across the street and helped Wonwoo hop out. The short boy’s flats made a soft thud as they touched down on the white sand road. Mingyu closed the door behind him, hand coming around to Wonwoo’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure if Wonwoo would be comfortable if his hand had slipped lower, especially since anyone might suspect that they were together. After all though, it was inevitable that they would have to put on the act if Jaehyun were to show his face. And besides, Mingyu could have done it for his own friendly entertainment. 

Out of gentlemanliness, and not so much because he wanted to mark his territory, Mingyu’s hand came close to holding Wonwoo’s butt as they walked up the stairs. To anyone watching, it simply looked like Mingyu was just making an excuse to get handsy with the black-haired boy. The taller even kept one step behind Wonwoo as if holding his butt wasn’t enough. 

Wonwoo appreciated Mingyu’s innocent gesture just as much as Mingyu appeared to have appreciated the view. But appearances were deceiving some times and in actuality, Mingyu was making sure that he’d be able to catch the shorter boy if he tripped since the brown-wooden stairs weren’t well-illuminated. The thought of letting his eyes wander on Wonwoo’s pert derrière had crossed him, but he wasn’t going to give in to temptation, both in the figurative and moral sense. To entertain those thoughts consciously and in the long term already bordered on the sinful. Thus, he quickly expelled them. But the questions still bugged him.

Why did Wonwoo have to walk like that? Mingyu thought, furrowing his brows all the while trying not to break into a smug grin as Wonwoo swayed his hips from side to side. He focused on looking at the door which was getting closer to them but in his periphery he could see the way that Wonwoo’s back and waist became narrower and slimmer, curving down to meet the large globes of flesh behind his wide hips. 

In reality, Wonwoo’s body was structured in a thin and narrow way, but the proportion of his waist to hips was so dramatic that the boys on Mingyu’s team had often commented on him being ‘thicc’. Of course they had done this when Mingyu was in the shower, knowing that they would never play football again if he heard what they had said about Wonwoo. 

Football jocks were not the only one’s guilty of having an eye for the black haired boy. Nerds as well appreciated his boxy and tiny figure that was made by his thick sweaters and glasses. Not to mention his brain had more brain power than mingyu’s truck had horsepower.

Mingyu often felt cursed as he was attracted to both sides of Wonwoo, such as what he felt now. But he knew that Wonwoo’s body was something that his admiration for had to transcend. What Wonwoo said about beauty leading to truth and knowledge rang a bell for him coincidentally as Wonwoo rang the doorbell in front of them. Wonwoo’s attractive features were only the first step in a series of many that progressed towards love and developed into something more sophisticated which required the soul and intellect. He was just as enamored with Wonwoo’s appearance as one would a painting. Both things, possessing the same kind of beauty, lead one to contemplate the object. But in Wonwoo’s case, he was more than a mere object, as was Mingyu’s love for him more than mere attraction. In his head he had leaped in joy that this was the case. Finally he had a shred of proof that he was in love with someone in a way that surpassed all of his other relationships. Unlike how it had been with any of his girlfriends he actually wanted to get passed the stage of bodies and looks, whether they looked good or not and so on. He wanted to actually get to know the black-haired boy in front of him.

This came after realizing that he had been staring into Wonwoo’s eyes as the other boy had turned to watch the porch swing and the trees behind it sway in the wind. 

The eyes were the window to the soul as well as a reflection of his own. They were two parts to a whole, meant to be reunited. What was the body anyway in the long run if it was the immaterial and non-physical that really counted? 

The door in front of them clicked as it opened, revealing a boy shorter than the both of them but still tall and buff enough to compare to Mingyu’s teammates. His black hair was worn in a messy bowl cut, and the area around his eyes looked darker than average. He gave a wide smile but his lips hadn’t separated. Wonwoo could tell that he seemed to be more reserved and more polite than Mingyu’s gang of buddies. 

“Yo, look who made it? Congrats man on winning the game for us, and... being one of the first ones here. I haven’t seen more people cheer for left tackles or middle linebackers more than they have for the captain.” the boy chuckled.

Mingyu’s arm left Wonwoo’s shoulder for a brief second as he swung it over his head and locked hands with the other boy. 

“Ehhh thanks man. This is my friend Wonwoo. You’ve probably heard of him, but he isn’t that much of a party guy so if you don’t see me getting wasted don’t worry.” the taller smiled, reasserting his arm over Wonwoo’s shoulders. Mingyu even made the effort to pull Wonwoo closer in front of him in a way that suggested that they were close. Wonwoo took it literally since he was now bent slightly to the side, head making contact with Mingyu’s chest. 

From the door, the boy’s eyes slowly made their way to Wonwoo’s. The latter could tell that the other had felt some sort of pressure suddenly as he looked to be fighting back a wince. 

Mingyu instantly knew why his friend got choked up. Wonwoo’s beauty and reputation for being the cold-faced and sharp-witted darling of the popular kids was more than intimidating. In fact, it was paralyzing. But it only took for Wonwoo to crack a smile to allay the boy’s fears.

“H-Hey. My name’s Joshua but you can call me Josh.” Mingyu’s friend said, extending his hand warily as if Wonwoo was going to bite him. 

“Nice to meet you.” Wonwoo said, casually standing up straight to shake the other’s hand.

“Mingyu and I don’t have any classes together but I see him sometimes at the gym. He tells me alot about you even then. You’re lucky to have basically your own bodyguard. I can see why Mingyu doesn’t charge you.” Joshua smiled, not really meaning anything inappropriate by the remark. Wonwoo was more surprised that Joshua had regained his confidence.

“Hey, knock it off Josh.” Mingyu mocked, reaching over Wonwoo to push Joshua back lightly but with the intended warning. 

“What? Why?” Joshua laughed. He stumbled back, feigning innocence. “Is Wonu here off the market?”

“As a matter of fact, he never was. He’s priceless.” Mingyu smirked, looking down next to him as he took Wonwoo’s chin and tilted it up. 

“Doesn’t mean the demand for me isn’t high.” Wonwoo smiled, almost willingly exposing his neck. 

“Oh I see. Damn Mingyu, now I think you’re the lucky one.” Joshua grinned, making way for Mingyu to guide Wonwoo passed the foyer and to the kitchen on the left.

“Nah, me and Wonwoo just like to fool people. Wonwoo’s right though, he is in high demand, especially concerning one of your guests. So prepare to see the performance of your life.” Mingyu inhaled.

“We got him fooled already. Just gotta keep it up though.” he added, pulling out a chair at the bar for Wonwoo. 

“Really. Who is it?”

“Jaehyun. He’s a little unhinged but it’s nothing too bad. There isn’t anyone I can’t handle.” Mingyu huffed,

“Except me.” Wonwoo sang, nudging Mingyu’s shoulder. Mingyu couldn't defend against it as his arm was currently over the back of Wonwoo’s neck. 

‘That’s cause you’re too cute.” Mingyu snickered, lifting his hand from Wonwo’s shoulder to run his fingers through Wonwoo’s locks. The football player grinned, watching as Wonwoo giggled uncontrollably since his head was always a sensitive spot for him. Maybe it had something to do with why he was always thinking. 

“I feel like someone’s in the party mood tonight.” Joshua said, nodding at Wonwoo as he got a bag of plastic cups out from beneath the counter. 

“Not really.” Wonwoo admitted bashfully. “I’m just here to make sure Mingyu doesn’t do anything stupid. But your place is cool anyways. Looks like it's an awesome place to live. Especially the location.” 

“Thanks. And yeah, it’s nice because the police don’t come out here that often.” Joshua said, taking a swig of his drink. Even though the age limit for the consumption of alcohol had been changed to 18, Wonwoo tensed at the seemingly careless manner of which Joshua spoke.

“Haha, got ya.” Joshua laughed, stifling the rest of his laughter by taking another drink. “My dad’s a cop so obviously we wouldn’t do anything foolish. Besides, we’re all good kids, B students, no criminal records. You’re in good hands.”

“Good, because how everything looks outside made me think that it was the place where Mingyu would finally murder me. I kind of accidentally scratched his truck.” Wonwoo breathed.

Mingyu chuckled, only realizing what Wonwoo actually said a few seconds later. “Wait what?”

“Yeah.” Wonwoo sighed, his breath holding stones of guilt. He sunk in the bar stool in an effort to make himself smaller. 

“Great. I bet it was when you didn’t allow me to get the door for you because you felt ‘empowered’ that day.” 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who parked too close to another car in the parking lot. And you would have never been able to fit through that tight space, nevermind your entire ego.” 

“Alright. First you make me out to be the big bad wolf, and now I got an ego?” Mingyu cocked a brow, knowing Wonwoo’s defenses would surely come down by the way that his eyebrows moved. 

Luckily, Wonwoo was saved by Joshua who raised his cup. “Guys, let loose.” he chuckled, toasting to the both of them.

“That was our second fight.” Wonwoo whined, although he didn’t sound that upset. He was more or less being playful. “Gosh, our friendship is stronger now.”

“Doesn’t look like friendship to me.” Joshua smiled.

“Yeah, Wonu can be a little over the top sometimes. But I appreciate the moments where he actually shows me love. It’s rare.” Mingyu chuckled.

Wonwoo looked at him with a knowing smile, laying his arm out on the counter and resting his head in the crease above his elbow. “I know, it’s weird. I haven’t even had a drink yet.”

Mingyu’s hand went to caress Wonwoo’s back as the other was hunched over. “I don’t think I want to see that. My little kitten becoming snarky and mean?” 

“Don’t act like I’m not already.”

Mingyu’s expression morphed into the hybrid of a pout and a smirk.

“Hey Wonu.” Joshua called. “You’re gonna need a whole bottle if you want to tolerate Mingyu. But if it takes too long we have a window open. That’s if he drives you crazy enough. Usually it’s girls that he tries too hard with.” 

Mingyu looked offended. “Hey that’s not true. Girls go crazy for me.” he said, curling his arm around the backrest of the bar stool as his other arm shot out in exclamation. Even if he appeared to be concerned about girls, he couldn’t care less in reality. Wonwoo was all that mattered to him now and Mingyu showed it by moving his arm towards Wonwoo, touching his cheek with the back of his fingers.

“Wonwoo scares them off though.” 

Before Wonwoo could revel in the soft and husky voice that belonged to Mingyu, he just had to be interrupted. 

“He’s a boss ass bitch.” a voice shouted from the foyer. Mingyu instantly recognized it as Jun’s. 

“Hey dumbo you left the frickin door open!” S.Coups said. “You want us all ta freeze ta death?” 

The trio in the kitchen didn’t know whether they should laugh at Jun’s comment or S.Coups trying out his New York accent. 

“Hey that’s my favorite song by Nicki Minaj.” Wonwoo said, looking as though he had been scandalized. “Anyways, sorry if this is your first time meeting Jun. It takes a couple of years to get accustomed to his… personality.” 

Joshua looked caught off guard for a moment but then his eyes crinkled. “Oh Jun? You know him? I thought he was just being bold as usual making comments about random strangers.” 

“If he is they better be appropriate.” Minghao scowled. 

“Hey, relax ba- bitch.” Jun said, catching himself before he could reveal anything. 

Joshua kept whatever he was going to say to himself, turning to look down at Wonwoo afterwards. “Yeah I can see why it takes a while to get used to him.” 

“There’s some people who can get attached in a day.” S.Coups remarked, striding past the duo to set a case of beer on the bar counter. 

Minghao and Jun’s heads whipped in the same direction, flinging daggers at S.Coups. “What?” 

“Nothing.” he chuckled. 

“What S.Coups means is that Jun and Minghao are very attached to each other, and that friendship is such a beautiful thing. Right Coups?” Jeonghan said, resting a hand on his hip and narrowing his eyes.

S.Coups gave an appreciating grin. “Right. See? Me and Jeonghan got a connection.”

“Sometimes it’s more than just a connection.” Jun winked. 

“Yahh. We’re waiting til marriage!” Jeonghan shouted, slapping Jun’s shoulder.

The whole room looked at the angel-haired boy with wide eyes.

“This time I’ll help you.” S.Coups whispered to Jeonghan smugly. “What Hannie means is that the both of us made a pact that we’re staying virgins until we each find a suitable partner.”

“Ugh, you didn’t have to embarrass me more!”

“It’s okay Jeonghan, I’m with ya.” Wonwoo said, raising the cup of ginger ale that Josh poured for him.

“Me too.” Mingyu said, looking at Wonwoo in support. 

“Follower.” Jun muttered under his breath, but it didn’t go unheard.

“Hey, you wanna go boy?” Mingyu said, getting up from his seat and walking towards Jun to stand over him. 

“No no no I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean any trouble” Jun said, holding his hands up to cover his face.

“That’s what I thought.” Mingyu smirked before looking up to Joshua. “Hey bartender, get this guy a round. It’s on me.” the taller continued, smacking Jun’s back. 

“Hey you kids! I don’t want any trouble in my bar!” Joshua said, trying not to laugh as he played along.

An idea popped up in Mingyu’s head as he stalked back to where he was sitting at the counter, eyes focused on Wonwoo’s relaxed form.

“It’s alright, there won’t be any fights so long as I’m here. And don’t forget this beauty too.” the football player grinned, hands delicately holding Wonwoo’s chin as if he wanted to get a closer look at his face. Then Mingyu’s expression went dark.

“But don’t put anything in it or else I’ll fuckin knock your sorry ass all the way to Brooklyn Bridge. Got it?” 

Joshua nodded his head frantically in mock nervousness. “Yes sir, right away sir.” 

“What the fuck just happened.” S.Coups balked.

“Uh, it’s called improv. Do you know what talent is?” Mingyu retorted.

“No sorry, never seen it before.” 

“Damn Coups.” Jun laughed. 

Eager to defend his new best friend Wonwoo twisted his seat to face S.Coups who was standing on the other side of the room. “That just means you're uncultured. Don’t make me have to set you straight S.Coups. I’ve been around a lot of wise guys before.” Wonwoo said.

“Gee there’s a lot of talent in this room.” Jeonghan said, partly to rub it in S.Coups face.

“Yo let’s move to the living room. Who else is here?” S.Coups said, saving himself from embarrassment.

“A few kids from my classes. We’re still waiting on the rest of the team and the girls.”

“Well you don’t have to wait for the captain any longer.” another voice echoed through the corridor leading back to the door. Wonwoo instantly recognized the deep and reverberating sounds as belonging to his special blonde-haired friend.

“Ow.” they heard the same person grunt following the sound of a thud. 

Seungkwan emerged from the hallway with his arms by his sides, as if all those cheerleader poses had rendered his arm muscles useless. But then that thought was disproved by how Vernon stumbled into the room as if he was hit by a train. 

“Damn Kwannie, you didn’t have to hit me like that.”

“Well if isn’t Hansol and Gretle, both of you look delicious.” Jun gleamed.

“Ugh. I was talking about their clothes.” the brown-haired boy told Minghao after the latter reprimanded him.

“We were just going to the living room. I think I spotted some kids I know, I’ll see ya guys later.” Jeonghan said, bringing S.Coups along with him.

Mingyu turned to Wonwoo, eyeing him curiously.

“You wanna go too?” he whispered amidst the buzz of newcomers entering the house. 

“Sure. Hopefully they’ll be room to sit down, my legs are killing me.” Wonwoo replied.

“Your legs? I was the one running hundreds of yards.” Mingyu grunted, spinning Wonwoo’s barstool around so that he could more easily hop off. “Does the princess want to be carried?” the football player smirked. 

“No thanks. If I wanted someone’s dirty hands on me I’d just ask Jaehyun.” 

“Ouch.” Joshua snorted, jabbing Mingyu in the process. “I’ll let you know if I see him around. Might want to settle this thing you got going on outside. But for the meantime, I’ll wish you luck.”

Mingyu gave the other a polite smile. “Sheesh, Wonwoo’s already a handful and the party hasn’t started yet. What did you put in his ginger ale?”

“Nothing. I think it’s the atmosphere.” Joshua smiled as Mingyu watched from afar Wonwoo greet a couple of kids in the other room. 

“Nah, he’s always like this. I think now he just has an audience to laugh at my expense. Makes it better.”

“With the way you look at him I’d say he already had an audience in the first place.”

“What-. No thats-. I mean. Chill bro. I don’t know what you mean. It’s not like I have eyes for him or anything.” Mingyu said, slowly deflating.

“That’s a lie man. How could you not? He’s smokin.” Joshua chuckled, pointing his cup to where the black-haired boy was relaxed on the couch. “Look at that teeny waist, pretty face, cute and round bu-”

“I get it.” Mingyu huffed. “But so were my other girl friends. It’s not like Wonu’s special.” 

“Dude, Wonwoo’s nothing like your exs’. They are frickin straw and he’s a whole bale of hay. If your hottest girlfriend was a kids size soda then Wonwoo’s and extra large. With that hour-glass figure, damn.” Joshua seethed, trying not to grind his teeth.

“I don’t even know if I should end our friendship because you had to use soda in your example or because you’re so shameless.” Mingyu said.

“Yo, don’t act like you don’t have the same thoughts. I saw you following behind him on the stairs. Oh and, if you’re gonna ask, I didn’t answer the door because I wanted to see what you guys would do all alone.” 

“You what?” Mingyu growled. “Not cool man. And besides, we’re just friends.”

“So if I want to tap that I can have him?” Joshua smirked.

“I’m not sure how you’re gonna manage to do that when all your limbs are broken, your jaw’s broken and your teeth are bashed in.” Mingyu muttered.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no” Joshua smiled sheepishly. “And don’t get so jealous, I was just kidding man. You know I’m a decent human being.”

“Yeah, and you will be so long as I’m around.”

“That reminds me, your little kitten’s been keeping your seat warm.” Joshua titled his head to where Wonwoo was sitting.

Mingyu looked over his shoulder to where Wonwoo had his legs crossed with arms splayed out on each side balancing him. His dangling foot spun in circles as he listened and contributed to one of the guys conversations. Was Wonwoo an extravert or an introvert? Mingyu thought. Oh right, Wonwoo had told him that he was an extravert who was socially anxious. Hmm, explained why he wasn’t that outgoing.

The football player stalked over to where Wonwoo was on the couch, plopping down next to him as one arm came around the other’s back to rest on the top of the cushions and the other wrapped around the arm rest on his right. 

Acknowledging the guys he gave slight but masculine nods to Jungkook, Mark and Yugyeom, and dashing smiles to the girls, Lisa, and Jennie who were sitting comfortably on the white carpeted floor.

“Hello ladies.” Mingyu grinned.

“He means you guys.” Lisa said, looking at Jungkook, Mark, and Yugyeom.

“Hey, just because Jungkook may not be so straight doesn’t mean that he’s a lady.” Jennie rolled her eyes. 

“Too bad Jimin couldn’t come. We know just how much you like him, Kookie.” Lisa laughed, prompting Wonwoo to snort.

“Kookie good Kookie sweet, Kookie good enough for Jimin to eat.” Wonwoo rapped, striking everyone’s nerves. 

“Uhm who invited Nicki Minaj to the party?” Jennie asked, mouth still hanging open.

“The Queen invited himself.” Wonwoo snapped back, twisting his head as if to rub it in her face. 

Mingyu and the rest of his gang were still clutching their stomachs as they couldn’t contain their laughter while Jungkook sat there wishing it would all go away.

“There better be karaoke tonight then.” Lisa said, holding up her cup.

“My bet’s on Wonu.” Mingyu said, grabbing the other boy’s shoulders to bring him back against the couch cushions.

“Jeonghan here has the voice of an angel.” S.Coups said, making their presence known through the blanket they had hidden themselves under in the corner of the room.

“Hey, there better be no funny business going on.” Joshua shouted from the kitchen.

“Don't worry. S.Coups is just keeping me warm.” Jeonghan yelled back, speaking the truth in actuality. 

“Now I get why they call it a loveseat.” Wonwoo blurted out, eliciting a chorus of laughter from the rest of the group. 

“Yeah.” Mingyu sighed. “And I’m still stuck in the friendseat.” he muttered.

III

As the rest of the cheer squad and football team arrived, the music got suddenly louder due to the increased chatter and laughter. In Joshua’s garage, a ping pong table had been set up to host a beer pong game. In the backyard, a few boys had taken off the pool covers and went night swimming in the cold water all the while their girl friends and friends who happened to be girls watched who could be the most obnoxious boy. Although that wasn’t what they called the competition. It was rather ‘who could show off more’ on how tough they could be.

Even if he was stiff, Wonwoo hadn’t moved from the couch, still engaged in conversation with Jennie and Lisa whom he had shared a business elective with. Nevermind all of their prior knowledge from their father’s, he also thought that pant suits would fit their personality.

Despite being soft voiced and reserved, Jungkook opened up to him instantly, much like Mingyu had. It wasn’t their first time meeting of course as they had a class together, but he wasn’t all over the place. Nor was he as outgoing or bold as Mingyu which made him wonder how he could have survived as a member of their group. 

Yugyeom on the other hand was louder and more likely to start a conversation, however the ones he had with Jungkook were more formal. He had asked about who Jimin was and Jungkook looked eager to tell him. Perhaps because he was the only sane person in the group who could give him advice without simultaneously embarrassing him. 

He had expected Jungkook to have spoken to Lisa and Jennie about what he had told him but they had different methods of approaching Jimin which Jungkook didn’t approve of. One of which was tripping him to get his attention.

Plus, Wonwoo already had a reputation among his friends and the student body for being the eccentric boy who looked young and dumb but contained more wisdom in his left thumb than college seniors had in their entire bodies. Most of it was thanks to Mingyu of course, as the football player raves about him in his other classes, unbeknownst to Wonwoo. If he found out, it would explain why Jungkook looked as though when Wonwoo had spoken to him, that he had been expecting him, a dream come true, finally someone who made sense.

Yugyeom, Mark, and the girls were also appreciative of how funny Wonwoo could be, not really caring about what else he had to offer. However that wasn’t really a negative trait about them, it was simply their nature not to be interested. 

On the other hand, Mingyu had been so invested in watching Wonwoo's interactions that he failed to notice another boy come up from behind the couch and lay his hand above Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Hey Won.” a deep but sharp voice said, prompting Wonwoo to lift his head up and look over his shoulder.

“Hi.” Wonwoo said, expectantly waiting for Sehun to continue. With the way he had turned, he was exposing his neck to the boy, but then thought twice about it and decided to twist his torso so that he wouldn’t be sending Sehun the wrong idea. Nor did he want Mingyu to think he was some flirt.

“How’s the party? Any guys try to hit on you yet?” 

“No.” Wonwoo chuckled. “Thanks to Mingyu. But I am looking out for one of your players. You know? The one who thinks he’s the Nation’s first love, the Valentine boy.” 

“Ohhh, yeah I know who you’re talking about. That’s why I came over actually. Wait- I wanted to talk to you too so I squeezed you in on my schedule.”

“Gee thanks.”

Sehun scratched the back of his neck. “Mind if I steal Mingyu for a minute?” 

Wonwoo looked as though he was taking his time deciding.

“Sure, I barely noticed him.” 

Mingyu pouted, looking at Wonwoo betrayed. But then he told himself to man up, knowing that he’ll be missed.

“Alright but if I see one guy trying to flirt with Wonwoo you’re dead.” Mingyu gritted. “You got off easy already.” 

“Jeez okay.” Sehun laughed, leading Mingyu to a porch on the side of the house with an arm around his shoulder. Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu’s numbered jersey leaving the kitchen. The number ‘17’ would always be ingrained in his head. It was almost as important as Mingyu’s name and struck something within him whenever he saw the ‘1’ and the ‘7’ together. Most likely it was some mystic symbol that explained his love for the football player.

“You really like him don’t you.” a soft voice asked, waking him from his trance. Wonwoo turned his head to the side, following the voice as if he were annoyed. But his expression loosened as he saw Jungkook’s genuine gaze.

“Of course. He’s a cool dude.” Wonwoo said, smoothly restrained.

“I was expecting you to say ‘what do you mean?’ but that’s good too. Now since when have you said the word ‘dude’ the entire night. Something's up.” 

Wonwoo’s eyebrows went up.

“Alright, you’re pretty confident all of a sudden. How about you tell me?” 

Jungkook sighed, laying his head back. 

“You’re in love with Mingyu but you think you’re above the level of being open and vulnerable. Especially with your emotions. I don’t think it has anything to do with anxiety or shyness. But I feel like you definitely got a lot going on there.”

“Why? Because I’m so cold?” Wonwoo asked, almost hissing.

“It’s just that, Mingyu shows you a lot of affection but you don’t show it back. And I think you want to, as much as you wanted him to stay with you but didn’t want to make it obvious. As much as you-“

“I know.” Wonwoo said, crossing his arms and avoiding eye contact. 

“Hey, I know you're mad at me now but I know you’ll come to me begging for help. So I’ll set you up right now, let’s hang this week and we’ll come up with a plan.” Jungkook smiled.

“Will it be a plan to fight my inner demons or a plan to make Mingyu fall in love with me?” 

“Mingyu sounds like he is one of your demons.” 

“If only you knew.” Wonwoo snorted. “Alright. Monday after school. I always hate Mondays but hanging with my friend will fix that” he smiled.

“Deal.” Jungkook said, making sure that they hadn’t drawn attention to themselves. But they weren’t so lucky. It turned out that a boy who had been seeking Wonwoo out, had finally found him.

Instead of exchanging greetings, Jaehyun simply stood diagonally in front of him, watching him smile like he was glad Wonwoo was enjoying himself. A couple of seconds passed before the two realized they were being observed.

“What?” Jungkook asked bluntly, eyeing Jaehyun with a curious expression.

“Just admiring the view.” Jaehyun retorted, keeping his eyes on Wonwoo.

Wonwoo ignored the comment, turning back to smile at Jungkook as if he had just swatted a fly. Meanwhile, Jaehyun, having realized that his usual flirtatious approach wasn’t working, opted to try a different one. He sat down next to Wonwoo, causing the cushions to shuffle. The the former remained undisturbed. 

“Yo Jaehyun, come sit with us.” Yugyeom called from the other sofa. 

“Nah it’s alright, I’m good. I’d much rather be here where Wonu is.” 

“Careful Jae, he’s a loose cannon.” Lisa snickered.

“I could tell from the start.” 

Wonwoo closed his eyes in mock anger.

“Are you going to leave or are you going to keep breathing on me.” he asked, looking over his shoulder in aggravation. He sat with his back facing Jaehyun, his legs angled away and his arm pulled in, resting over his kneecap. It was obvious to even the most socially unaware person that Wonwoo did not want to speak to him. 

Yet why hadn’t the boy left? Jaehyun thought. Unless, Wonwoo was playing hard to get and challenging him. It was as if they both knew that Wonwoo was his from the minute that Jaehyun decided that he was the one. No, he thought, there was no ‘she’ or ‘he’, there was only Wonwoo. And he decided that ‘that’ was the one. 

“Sorry. Didn’t know my mere existence irked you.” Jaehyun shot back. This time he didn’t bother to deflect Wonwoo’s insults or play them off as simple banter. He was serious. 

“You among a lot of things.” Wonwoo replied callously, paying only half his attention to the game of LIFE that the others were playing. The other onlookers were too invested in betting who would win that they didn’t spot Jaehyun’s advances.

“Then what can I do that wouldn’t irk you? Leaving isn’t an option for me, and it’s not an option for you either.” Jaehyun said, his sharp jaw tightening as the rest of his expression contorted into a pained grimace. 

“Beating up Shownu wasn’t enough for you huh Wonu?” Jaehyun gritted and suddenly, Wonwoo felt a hand pull his arm from where it was perched on his knee cap, another one replacing it. Then he felt warm air hit his neck as he closed his eyes, having been infuriated by Jaehyun’s audacity. 

Yet his body froze, but not in the same way that Mingyu could make it freeze. He wasn’t waiting for Mingyu to make a move or kiss him this time. He was waiting for Mingyu to emerge from the hallway and knock the man off of him. He was neither inviting or declining Jaehyun’s actions, rather, he didn’t care.  
Wonwoo didn’t feel anything as the brown-haired boy emptied his heart out to him. He didn’t care if his knee became bruised, or if Jaehyun’s grip on his wrist hurt. The feeling was all too familiar and he yearned for someone to make it all go away.

And then, he was hit with the scent of alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think about pregnant Wonwoo? I have two other meanie fanfics in mind and that I already started to write so Wonwoo doesn't have to become pregant in this one but I have thought about it :))) EEEEEEEE!


	20. Philebus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! WARNING: vulgar language and sexual themes. Also I love Tzuyu, no shade! Also, I know I made Jaehyun the antagonist but he kind of looks like a good guy a little bit. BUT DON'T FALL FOR HIM haha
> 
> I could do an alternate version of the fanfic where Wonwoo adopts kids and in the other he gets preggers. LMAO. Just for my loves : )

“Mind telling me what went on out on the field today?” Sehun asked, leaning against the wooden support beam at the corner of the porch where the two railings met.

Mingyu sighed, fishing around in his pockets for some imaginary thing he had conjured up to distract himself with. 

“With Shownu or Jaehyun?” the taller asked, slightly amused and slightly exasperated.

“So that’s his name? And wait- what about Jaehyun? I knew he beat the guy up but I didn’t know he was giving you a hard time too.” Sehun said in a concerned tone. He uncrossed his legs, looking at Mingyu with furrowed brows.

“Shownu was a piece of cake. Everyone knows now that he’s a bastard. But Jaehyun, well, he’s a fucking snake. He might shed his skin but he’s still a snake. That little thing he did after I dealt with Shownu, yeah, that was nothing. He either wanted to look good in front of Wonwoo or just wanted to get rid of the competition.” 

“C’mon, Jaehyun isn’t that bad. I know he’s into Wonwoo too but-”

“Plus that fucking smirk of his. Just one look at his face and you can tell that he’s up to something. Didn’t you think that it was odd Changkyun and Wonho were all over the place but at the same time so coordinated?”

“Yeah, I was wondering why they were so bad out there.”

“No shit, they’re bad all the time. They just happened to be worse today that I knew something was up, especially when I got the whole other team coming after me.”

“You think Jae had a hand in it?”

“Why wouldn’t he? He’s smart, cunning… predatory. You know what I’m saying? You think Wonho and Changkyun are smart enough to even tie their shoes? Anyways, I had nothing on Jaehyun-”

“Until now.” Sehun asked, lips curling into a sly smile.

“You got it captain.” Mingyu grinned, raking a hand through the hair on the top of his head. 

“Well, we need the manpower so don’t think you can go around messing people up. And try to keep your personal life off the field.” 

“Hey, I’m all the man power you need. And tell that to Jaehyun when you see him, or else he’ll have to learn it the hard way.” Mingyu smirked. 

“I don’t like seeing my friends fight. You know Jaehyun isn’t Shownu. He could pack a punch like you can.” Sehun warned.

“Still can’t reach me. Besides, everything on me is muscle except for my cheeks and heart.”

“And your brain?” 

“Hey, only Wonwoo can get away with stuff like that.” Mingyu shoved him, only realizing what he had just said plus the tone of his voice in saying it. Sehun hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while so maybe he wouldn’t detect the fondness in his voice. He hoped. 

“I see.” Sehun nodded, trying not to smirk.

“If I hear a peep from any of the other guys about this then the Pharaoh Hounds won’t have a captain anymore.” the taller gritted.

Sehun grimaced.

“Don’t worry, it’s all in the bro code. Plus, I might just hand the position down to you.”

“After you graduate.” Mingyu asked, grinning. If he had a tail it would have been wagging. Oh how fast Mingyu could change demeanors, Sehun thought.

“No, after I die from increased cortisol in my brain because I’m fucking afraid your gonna snap my neck.” Sehun winced, looking down at where Mingyu’s hand was gripping the collar of his jersey. 

“Sorry.” Mingyu chuckled. “You must be too traumatized if you saw what happened to Shownu. Poor guy. But he had it coming.”

“Yeah.” Sehun sighed. “Fuck, I’d be pissed too if someone said that about Wonwoo. I know how close you guys are.” 

“Wait, you heard what he said?” 

“Yeah, word gets around pretty quick. It’s all sympathetic though. A lot of people like Wonwoo and they hate the other team more now. Hope that guy gets taught a lesson by his teammates. They’re not all bad kids.” 

“Sometimes I wonder if I am.” Mingyu admitted, lowering his head to the wooden floor boards slowly. “What if I’m into Wonwoo so much that it’s making me do stupid things?” 

Sehun considered the question, taking a moment to regroup his thoughts.

“You know… I think Wonwoo wouldn’t let you.” he smiled. “If you do stupid things, you’re either doing them by your own volition, or you’re being manipulated.”

“Wait. Wonwoo’s intelligent, just like Jaehyun.” Mingyu said, pausing as if he had stumbled upon something. “He could be manipulating me now that I think about it.”

“Dude, seriously?” Sehun laughed. “You know that’s not true. Hey, I’ve only known him for a week but I can tell you, even though he’s more reserved, he can be upfront with you. He’s on a whole different level than us. He’s not here to make any gains, he’s above that. And you’re above that kind of thinking.”

Mingyu nodded, taking in what Sehun had said. “You’re right. It was just a thought that I let come to me. There was nothing really to it. But then there’s that other thing. Was it wrong? What I did to Shownu?”

“Yo, I’m not the moral philosopher, Wonwoo is.” Sehun laughed, causing Mingyu to release a breath. All of the worry and second guesses came out at the thought of the black haired boy. 

“But if you want my opinion, I think you could have gone easier on him. It wasn’t right for him to say those things though and I would have roughed him up too if I was there.” 

“Good to know. In case anything happens to me I need you to look out for Wonwoo.” Mingyu smiled.

“And what? Be like a godfather or something?”

“Yeah, something like that.” 

“Alright man. Everything’s cool though right?”

“Yeah, thanks for talking. I needed it.” Mingyu nodded, shaking Sehun’s hand.

“Anytime bro.”

II

“I find it pathetic that you need to be drunk in order to speak to me as a human being. Is that what you’ve really come to?” Wonwoo spat, yanking Jaehyun’s hand off his kneecap. 

“And to think that it would make you more animalistic, when all it’s done is tame you.” Wonwoo laughed, watching Jaehyun mockingly through the cover of his eye lashes. 

At that, Jaehyun grew angrier. 

“I’m not tame when I’m around you.” he said with a playful but sinister tone.

“Our bed’s waiting for us. It’ll only take a flight of stairs. Or is that too far for you princess?” the football player snickered.

“We could do it right here, in front of everyone. You like people watching you get pounded into the couch? You want everyone to know I own you?” Jaehyun whispered.

“Hey dickhead, I have ears too.” Jungkook said, swatting Jaehyun away with his hand over Wonwoo’s face.

“It’s fine, really. He’ll always be this delusional, drunk or not.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes. 

“But am I living in your delusion, or are you in mine?” Jaehyun grinned, etching closer to Wonwoo and angling his body to be parallel with Wonwoo’s. One of his arms touched Wonwoo’s side which rested against the cushion and the other grabbed his wrist once more. If Jaehyun had gotten any closer, his arousal would have been poking Wonwoo. 

But he didn’t get that far as Wonwoo turned around and shoved him backwards with enough force that it pushed the other into the arm of the couch. Withdrawing himself from Jaehyun’s space, he crossed his arms and his legs, telling Jungkook to get some snacks for them. 

For a moment, Jaehyun looked at him with an even more feral glare, as if thinking of some other way to catch his prey. 

As Wonwoo’s eyes followed Jungkook’s back disappearing in the kitchen, his stomach dropped. 

There, in the dimly lit and vast open space between the kitchen and living room was Mingyu leaning over a girl. She had a very familiar face, marked with mischief as well as false innocence. Her face, flatter than average made her nose more pronounced and symmetrical. Her high cheekbones and triangular jaw added to her elegance, detracting from her planar and conspiratorial facade. 

Although barely illuminated in the bar lights, the outline of her face below his and the way she had presented herself allowed him to be able to tell that it was none other than Tzuyu, the witch who didn’t need to cast love spells to seduce young men. As much as he wanted to he couldn’t curse her name. Not only was the taste in his mouth already bad, how could he praise the lord and be foul at the same time? He tried to take as much humor out of the scene he was watching even if it was uncalled for. 

Although he didn’t have a humorous sense of life as he wasn’t that desperate to defy the harsh reality of it all, it would all come and go like the transitory suffering that man endured on this earth. So why bother laughing at life?

Coming back from his initial thoughts, Wonwoo looked at them with a pained expression.

She had a giddy smile, looking up at him in anticipation. Mingyu on the other hand had looked down at her with a smug grin, taking pleasure in teasing her as well as admiring her. Yet he looked at her more as if she were a tool rather than an object of contemplation. But a tool for what Wonwoo did not know. 

His speculation ceased when Tzuyu stumbled closer to Mingyu than she already was, with the football player extending his arms out to catch her. It seemed too perfect to him. The way she placed her foot in front of the other, how her hands landed on his forearms, and how she took one hand to curl the hair behind her ear. Wonwoo’s eyes glimmered with new found seriousness, as if he were sucking it up and watching it without emotion, just as he always had, reflecting on the past, enduring the present, and preparing for the future. But from all of the things that had hardened him, Mingyu’s fond and flirtatious gaze which had been reserved for another, had either cracked his brittle shell or melted his heart like the acidic cess pit that he had fell in when he fell for Mingyu. Whose will was it that this had to happen?

He found himself blinking uncontrollably, eyes stinging as he struggled to follow where Mingyu’s arms had ventured. On Tzuyu’s waist, the football player’s arms fit snugly, putting on an even better performance than an actor. Except Wonwoo did not wish to applaud or scorn him. Nor was he that cliche to wish him the best in life or curse him. He never conceived that he thinks such a thing but he just wanted to forget about the guy.

Adding insult to injury, Wonwoo realized that the boy next to him refused to relent, even after seeing the cause of his strickenness for himself. Rather, Jaehyun took it as another opportunity. 

“You must think that lowly of me if you believed I’d agree to date you after this. I’d never go running to any man I’d rejected, or any friend I’d neglected simply because I was desperate.” Wonwoo let out, still not looking at the boy next to him. Wonwoo wanted to slap himself. Of course Jaehyun thought lowly of him if all he was after was his looks and personality. There was more to love than that. And there was more to a lover than satisfying the demands of love. Only a man who could understand those things was worthy. And Mingyu had showed promise, whether Wonwoo had discovered his potential through careful examination, or from subconscious feeling, he was sure that Mingyu was the right one. Until now.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to think of you when all you give me is the cold shoulder.” Jaehyun muttered. “What do you want? My undying affection. I’m already trying to give it to you. Fuck I’d be grateful if anyone gave me that opportunity. But look at your stupid boyfriend over there. How can you say you guys are dating when he’s flirting with another girl?”

“It’s called talking, something that you don’t know how to do.” Wonwoo snapped.

“Oh really? Doesn’t look so to me.” Jaehyun chuckled, crossing his arms as he tilted his head towards the other couple. By now, Mingyu had let Tzuyu feel his biceps. The girl looked as though she wanted to take those hands and lead the football player upstairs, but she decided to savor his presence where they stood now, enjoying the moment.

Mingyu went as far as to offer one of his arms and show her the dark blue color of his veins, coursing from below his shoulders to his elbows and to his wrist. However, before Wonwoo could become as infatuated as Tzuyu had become Jaehyun began where he had left off, annoying him as well as saving him from becoming more distressed.

“I’ve been talking to a wall and you have the guts to tell me that I don’t know how to? You’re something Won. I can see why Mingyu- oh wait. He doesn’t actually like you cause if he did, I wouldn’t be here, sitting next to you, ‘talking’. He would. But he’s not. I don’t know how much more you need in order to get the memo.”

As Jaehyun got closer, trying to get to him with his smooth-talking voice, Jungkook returned with a knowing but solemn expression.

“You haven’t gotten it either.” Wonwoo said calmly, making room for Jungkook to sit down.

Jaehyun shrugged off Jungkook’s presence, maintaining the smug grin on his face.

“It’s because I can tell when someone’s lying. You want to be with me don’t you, but you got some stupid puppy pawing at your feet so you can’t say no. But now he’s shown who he really is.” Jaehyun grinned. “You haven’t looked at me once, either you’re being dishonest with yourself or you’re just too shocked. Maybe heartbroken? If that’s the case, you always got me.” 

Wonwoo looked at him, giving the other what he wanted. But then a hand tapped his shoulder and he turned back to Jungkook. A’las Jaehyun’s eyes met Jungkook’s, daring him to steal more of his time with the black-haired boy but his interest in what the two began to whisper about replenished his patience. 

“I saw what you saw so hear me out. How about you play Jaehyun just for the sake of getting back at Mingyu. He’ll be jealous and come over here. I’ve seen him look back at you a couple of times trust me.” Jungkook said quietly, leaning to the side and ducking his head below Wonwoo’s shoulder so that he was out of Jaehyun’s sight. 

Being in the sound shadow of Wonwoo, Jaehyun could only smile in curiosity as Wonwoo leaned away from him to lend Jungkook an ear. But it didn’t appear to be gossip as Wonwoo jerked away with disgust, looking at Jungkook with disappointment. 

“I wouldn’t play with someone’s emotions like that, especially if they belong to scum.” Wonwoo replied, giving the eavesdropping Jaehyun the evil eye. “If love can be virtuous, and is indeed supposed to lead to virtue, then using it for revenge is not an option. I may be savage with my words, but I’m a noble savage. I won’t subject myself to the whims of vengeance or jealousy, and they’ll remain feelings because I won’t act on them. I believe in reason and principle all the way and that’s final.” Wonwoo said, smiling defeatedly. In the end, no matter how noble he could be, he might lose. But heroes didn’t always have to win. They had to endure. 

There was a hero in his soul that existed in spirit that he could always come back to, even if the one in his heart had been a false god.

Regaining his composure, Wonwoo turned to Jaehyun gently.

“I’ve never lied to myself. I don’t have a reason to, nor would it do me any good. I hope you understand that.”

Jaehyun’s expression soured and his eyes followed Wonwoo’s reluctantly as the black-haired boy got up from the couch and tried to squeeze by him. He grabbed Wonwoo’s hand with both of his, as if he was getting down to propose or beg him not to leave. But his beloved simply looked at him with that same old stare of his, silently telling him to let go as if Jaehyun knew that it was what he had to do.

Wonwoo’s intimidating gaze instilled within Jaehyun a sense of fear that prompted him to sit back and let Wonwoo go. But it was only momentary as he thought about chasing after the black-haired boy once again.

Jaehyun got up in a huff, arching his back to reach Wonwoo’s hip. Not having any of it, Wonwoo tensed as soon as he felt the wind hit his back, whipping around to slap the other’s arm away. 

“I told you-” Wonwoo stopped. “Are you dumb or stupid? I told you I’m not interested!” he yelled, clenching his fists as he stormed towards the back porch that led to the backyard.

Jungkook, hit in the face with his friend's obvious distress, followed suit.

The sound of their heavy footsteps and creaking floorboards were the only things that could be heard as the room had fallen silent.

III

/////Minutes earlier///////

“Yo Mingyu! Are you sure Wonwoo’s all yours?” Bambam asked, cracking a grin.

“What? There’s nothing going on between us. We’re just friends dude.” Mingyu snapped, feigning confusion. Although he was curious as to what the other meant.

“By the way and not that I’m confirming anything but what's with the question?”

“I don’t know man. Jaehyun came over to your friend and they’re having a little chat right now. Just thought I should tell you. I know the look on his face when he’s after a girl but this one he has looked pretty intense.”

“Fuck. He’s gonna wish he never existed.” Mingyu growled, pushing past Bambam but the latter held his shoulders.

“Yo hold up dude. Might not want to intrude on their conversation. Wonwoo looked like he was enjoying himself.” the other chuckled. “Didn’t know that his personal life interested you so much.”

“What the fuck do you mean? He hates Jaehyun and so do I. I got his back and I have to protect him. So get out of my way Bam or else you’ll end up in the same pit that Jaehyun will be in.” 

“Woah I didn’t mean to get in between you and Wonwoo. Sorry man. All I’m saying is that- wait. You know what. Look for yourself bro. What you just said doesn’t match up with what I’m seeing.” Bambam replied, holding up his arms in an effort to defuse the taller, but it didn’t work.

What Mingyu saw was an elated Wonwoo, laughing lightly but brighty at something Jaehyun said. There was a flushed Jungkook sitting next to him, as if Wonwoo was supposed to have blushed as well. It had to have been a joke that Jaehyun had made that caused Wonwoo to laugh in a way that he had never seen, and make Jungkook redder than their whole gang could make him. He had to admit though, Wonwoo’s expression bordered more on the contemptuous and indignant while Jungkook may have looked more angered than flustered. Yet something within him dismissed those thoughts as if it wanted him to be angry for anger's sake, tempting him with an outlet for his frustrations just like it had with Shownu.

Wonwoo must have enjoyed speaking to Jaehyun without him there. And who wouldn’t have wanted the attention of two of the most handsome men in school? That had to be it. All of that serious talk had to have been a ploy, just to draw him in, make him fall for someone who seemed so intellectual and high-minded but was really just a sensual animal who sought the attention of men and their adoration. He turned his head back, away from the cold eyes of Medusa that could have turned him to stone as much as he had let those same eyes turn him to goo. 

He wasn’t as sad as he was angry, but his anger had to be spared. He would do what Wonwoo had told him to do. He would make himself sharper, and along with that he would channel his anger, make it so precise that it could kill. Wonwoo wanted a dangerous man didn’t he?

Mingyu chuckled to himself, both in disbelief and resentment for the world. He’d have his revenge if that meant Wonwoo’s beautiful smile could be wiped off his face. But he couldn’t help but want to see the ugly side of him more. What was really behind that light-as-a-feather smile? Those cold and shadowy eyes? That mouth that had so much to say about the world but kept it from coming out, poisoning Wonwoo in the process. Perhaps if he showed his ugly side, he thought, it would draw Wonwoo out of the shadows to reveal his true colors. If only his personality wasn’t so vibrant and colorful enough Mingyu cursed.

Looking grimly at Bambam he internally swore at the boy for being correct about Wonwoo, but patted his shoulder in gratitude. Stepping around his teammate, he approached the bar counter where Joshua had busied himself with getting people drinks.

“Josh. Get me the good stuff!” he called, leaning over the counter with his arms crossed under him, still occupied with how Wonwoo looked as he laughed.

“Everything alright man?” Joshua asked, taking out a red solo cup from its plastic wrapping.

“Yeah just some personal shit I have going on. I wanna get fucking drunk now that I think about it.” Mingyu laughed.

“It’s really that bad huh? Where’s Wonwoo to cheer you up?” Joshua smiled lightly, wondering if he should press the subject.

The football player smiled to himself, finding Joshua’s question amusing, or was it the mention of the other’s name. 

“He’s off in la la land with Jaehyun. Guess he was just using our performance to make the guy jealous.”

“Dude, your kidding. He looked pretty into you. Sucks man. I’m sorry.” Joshua said, smile faltering.

“You don’t need to be so long as I get what I came for.” Mingyu chuckled, meaning to imply about the drink but something else crossed his mind, something that Wonwoo would have cringed and had been repulsed by.

“Alright. Don’t go overboard. There’s some chicks that don’t like alcohol-breath just sayin.” 

“Got it.” the taller said, raising his cup and stepping to turn around. “Thanks m-”

As he turned, he was met with a familiar face, the girl who he had fraternized with before. But on this occasion, it was serious and more intended.

“Hey Gyu.” she giggled, making Mingyu’s soul shrivel up inside from not wanting to be addressed like that except if it had been from it’s beloved, Wonwoo. But of course it didn’t have that luxury, nor did Mingyu want to think about him right now, not when he had a drink in his hand and a beautiful girl practically read to jump in his arms. Two things he knew that the other detested.

“Damn.” Mingyu growled, looking Tzuyu up and down, searching in his periphery for Wonwoo to be watching them. He just wanted it to be rubbed in his face, to dig into his skin, to hurt.

“If it isn’t my favorite cheerleader.” the taller smirked, looking down at her like she was a piece of meat who had thrown itself at him. If he was really a dog to someone who he loved then he might as well act like one.

Tzuyu muffled a laugh in return, playing him with those fake cat eyes of hers. 

“Maybe for tonight, I’ll call you the captain of the football team then. I think you earned it. But you deserve more.” she purred, looking up at him innocently.

“Oh yeah? You were watching my plays?” Mingyu cocked an eyebrow.

Tzuyu’s expression turned devious.

“A lot of people were watching you Gyu. But it was me the most.” 

“Glad I have a fan.”

“I could be more to you though. If you’d want me to.” Tzuyu said breathlessly, leaning forward as if Mingyu would catch her. 

Mingyu’s face muscles refused to contort into a fake smile, but he made them, holding his arms out as Tzuyu stumbled into him.

“I can’t say I’d think about it, but I’d be happy if you were something more. I’m not into anything serious. No strings attached. Maybe after a couple of more rounds I’ll be willing.” Mingyu chuckled, not knowing or liking what was coming out of his mouth. On the other hand, Tzuyu seemed delighted.

“In the meantime, I’d like to get to know you more. Not that I want to coax you into anything, but I like foreplay if you want me to be honest. I figured there wasn’t any harm in telling you since we aren’t that invested in each other.”

“We could be.” 

“I’ll show you a good time then.” Tzuyu replied, fingers dancing over Mingyu’s arms as he grasped her hips.

“I don’t doubt that you would.” the football player smirked, although he couldn’t feel anything. Even as Tzuyu’s red-painted nails, delicate fingers, and soft voice invited him to take her to bed, there was nothing. Not even a single twitch of his arousal or a simmer of heat from within his heart that he had for the girl. But he had to play along with it. No, he chose to. It would be good to let off some steam with her he thought, get out his frustrations, satisfy his urges. He could’ve told himself that it was all for Wonwoo -who he still thought about by the way. Wonwoo, the boy who was so daring but innocent, so wits’ end but pure. Mingyu knew that he would have been too rough with him, stolen something sacred from him, ruining him in the process. Yet he couldn’t help but think that a ruined Wonwoo was still his Wonwoo.

But with Tzuyu, she was known to please men, offering her body for pleasure, for the sensual, the animalistic. What better vessel did he have at hand to vent his frustrations if not her? She couldn’t give him what Wonwoo could. She wasn’t skilled as a counselor, as an intellectual, or even with something more abstract such as feelings. Mingyu did however know that Tzuyu was skilled with her tongue, and that was all some men wanted. That’s all he was capable of being perhaps. 

Before he could will himself to follow her lead up the staircase, shouting echoed throughout the house, drawing everyone’s attention. Not believing that the voice belonged to Wonwoo since he was usually so composed, he forced himself to turn in the voice’s direction, eyes landing upon Wonwoo’s disgruntled figure. Perhaps Jaehyun had gone too far or gotten too handsy. And as much as he wanted to leave Wonwoo to the consequences of his own supposed making, he still harbored the urge to comfort him. But first he couldn’t forget about his teammate.

It may have looked as though Mingyu was prioritizing his anger over his commitment to Wonwoo, however his commitment to Wonwoo demanded that he be angry. As an added bonus in Mingyu’s eyes, now was a perfect time to exact vengeance, but on someone who wasn’t Wonwoo. Taken into consideration, it could have been the case that Jaehyun’s antics had saved him from doing something stupid with Tzuyu. Perhaps there was such a thing as divine intervention.

Mingyu let go of Tzuyu, keeping his eyes on Jaehyun as he sneakily handed her his cup. She could only gawk at him with disappointment and awe, marveling at his angry smoothness. 

The football player’s expression bent irately, blood threatening to surface underneath the tan skin of his face.

“Oh look, if it isn't my favorite cheater.” Jaehyun snickered, splaying his legs out and clasping his arms. He rested his elbows on his knee caps, daring Mingyu to come closer and try to intimidate him. 

Sensing as if a brawl were about to go down, Yugyeom and Mark inched away from Jaehyun as Lisa and Jennie turned their heads to get a closer look. S.Coups simply covered Jeonghan’s head with the blanket, saving him from any potential traumatizing sights.

“Hey Mingyu.” Kai called from the corner of the room. “The drinks are the other way.”

“Not now Kai. I got some business that I want to wrap up with someone.”

“I don’t think Josh wants blood on the couch or the coffee table split in two.” Kai sang, turning back to the girl he was speaking to. Lisa and Jennie hid their faces as well, only slightly combing their hair back to get a glimpse at the two boys. “Guys c’mon. No fighting!” Lisa shouted from the other side of the coffee table. 

Jaehyun looked over his shoulder in mock curiosity as he searched for the man who Mingyu supposedly had business with, but Mingyu was brought back in his sights as the taller grabbed his collar.

“He knows who he is.” Mingyu gritted. “Now you better stay away from Wonwoo because I am you and Joshua’s worst nightmare. I don’t think his mom would like it if I stain her couch.”

Before Jaehyun could gulp, he shoved Mingyu away, getting up to meet the taller boy head to head. 

“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do especially if you don’t have anything going for Wonwoo.”

“What the fuck are you saying? I’m his boyfriend. I have every right to tell you to back the fuck off!” 

“Yeah right. Could have fooled me.” Jaehyun laughed. 

“The both of us saw your little flirt session with Tzuyu but Wonwoo looked more like he was living it.” the brown-haired boy retorted, although the last sentence was less for his own amusement. A genuine expression of sympathy for Wonwoo manifested itself subtly and through the thick of his fury at the other. 

“Both of you are fucking guilty. I saw him smile at you, he was laughing! I don’t know why he would care about me and Tzuyu just having fun together. It’s a party for fuck’s sake.”

Jaehyun scowled. 

“He wasn’t even fucking into me bro. You got it all messed up.”

Mingyu stopped to think for a second, becoming skeptical about what Bambam had said.

“And do you know why I fucking care?” Jaehyun gritted. “I’m the one who loves him. If I didn’t care about his feelings I’d be out there trying to take advantage of him after you kicked him to the curb. You’re the real player here. I may not be a gentleman and I may be an asshole, but at least I’m loyal.” 

Mingyu huffed. 

“Get the fuck out of here, really.” he chuckled as if Jaehyun were kidding him. “You just don’t fucking stop until you get what you want, there’s a difference. You’re only loyal to a cause and it’s your own.” the taller added, trying to compose himself.

“Whatever dude. Even though you don’t deserve to know, Wonwoo’s out back with Jungkook. I figured you should sort this whole thing out. I’ll never get how you could be so protective of him and yet want to hurt him at the same time. I guess love really does that to us.” Jaehyun snickered, although his eyes warned Mingyu not to do any more damage. Jaehyun was second guessing if it was a good idea to let Mingyu make amends to his relationship. It might end in defeat for himself, Jaehyun thought. But maybe Wonwoo’s emotional well-being was worth the danger of losing him. 

“Doesn't matter about me or whether I deserve him or not. All I care about is Wonwoo. So stay away from him or else.” Mingyu growled, bodying Jaehyun as he moved past him.

“You’re right. It’s who is worthy of Wonwoo’s love that counts. So, I guess we're both scumbags.” Jaehyun chuckled, joining the obnoxious snickering of his friends.

“Yo Jae.” Yugyeom giggled. “I don’t know who looked worse.”

IV

A loud splash echoed off the vinyl walls and wooden ceiling of the porch, accompanying the flickering light of the lines of water shone on the wall. 

Both boys sat on two large and cushioned wicker chairs, slightly facing each other. Wonwoo heard that men usually spoke more and were more comfortable speaking when they were sitting in the same direction as opposed to sitting opposite of each other. Perhaps that was why wives always demanded to know why their husband didn’t seem like he was listening to her except only in the car.

Wonwoo laid both his arms on the armrests while Jungkook rested his elbows on his knees, looking down at the floorboards reciting in his head what he was about to say.

“Even if I looked like I wanted alone time, thanks for coming out here.” Wonwoo hummed, still keeping himself occupied with watching the halos of water dance across the side of the house. 

Jungkook smiled thinly and shook his head. “You look like you want alone time all the time. I just wish Jaehyun understood boundaries.” 

“Love doesn’t know any bounds, right or wrong I suppose.” the black-haired boy sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it was wrong for Jaehyun to come into my personal space. And- let’s see. It was wrong for Mingyu to flirt with Tzuyu. Oh wait, I guess I’m the one who’s wrong.” Wonwoo laughed.

“Wait why? Mingyu and you like each other though.”

“It’s only a one way street so we don’t have any ties to each other. We didn’t swear an oath or establish a code. And we don’t share the same values. That’s clear.” Wonwoo replied, crossing his arms as his expression formed a scowl.

Jungkook lowered his eyes.

“What are the right boundaries then? When is it right to cross them, or why should those boundaries be there?”

Wonwoo looked at him with a pleased smile.

“The right boundaries have already been violated: privacy, modesty, temperance, shall I go on? Chastity almost. Mingyu looked like he was going to get it on with you know who.” Wonwoo sighed, although he tried to suppress his indignation.

“In my opinion, boundaries that are socially constructed non-objective, irrational, and with no basis in reality are okay to be violated.”

“Examples?” Jungkook grinned.

“You’re right to not be offended is one.” Wonwoo laughed. “That’s about all I can think of. I don’t have any in mind that have to do with relationships or love. But there's an implication right there. We can’t always be protected in the realm of emotions by society. It comes down to faith, morality and reason. It’s what I plan to do, not what has been done to me that really matters. So I guess I’ll just pick myself up where I left off and continue my journey.”  
“Suffering in silence? Sounds great?” Jungkook chuckled.

Wonwoo didn’t take Jungkook’s joke lightly and got caught up in processing his words. A couple of seconds passed before the black-haired boy looked up.

“It isn’t happiness, it’s greatness.” Wonwoo whispered to himself, transfixed by the aquamarine hue reflecting off the white vinyl siding.

“I’m glad my humility is intact. I realize that I’m not the center of the universe, but my universe has a center. You know who He is.” Wonwoo smiled lightly, holding his crucifix above his collar with two fingers. It shined in the moonlight, the symbol that could describe everything unknown to him, everything which he felt and had not felt, thought of and had not conceived. All in one glance. It was true art in its purest form. 

“Do you know what’s amazing is that art can concretize concepts and universal principles, forming them into precepts which we can directly grasp and therefore understand. Just by looking at a heroic statue, you all of a sudden can know what it means to be heroic. Isn’t that crazy?” 

Jungkook furrowed his brows, stifling a giggle. “Wonwoo, don’t shy away from the subject. Since when have you ever been indirect?” 

“You already know me well.” Wonwoo shrugged. 

Jungkook shook his head.

“So what’s so great about suffering?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. He really wanted to hear the other’s answer.

“It’s not suffering itself that’s great, but what it does for us. I’m not saying we deserve to suffer, but it is simply a matter of fact that life is suffering. And the only way we can handle this burden is to carry it. Carry the cross. Adopt a rational morality, discover what’s right and what’s wrong. Bear responsibility and you’ll find meaning.” the other replied, jabbing his finger at Jungkook and looking him in the eye.

“Would you prefer that we lay in bed all day eating sweets? Where’s the purpose, the meaning, the value in life? Wonwoo continued. 

“I see your point. But life can’t be all that bad. You’re only eighteen.” 

“Of course. But joy’s home is in the next world. The threshold of suffering is in this one. I think that was how it was designed. There’s some moments of joy in this world, but there’s never true satisfaction. Life to me is a test and if we pass it, we get to live eternally in heaven while others continue to suffer.”

“Hmm.” Jungkook thought, measuring the weight of those words. “They aren’t so lucky I guess.” 

“Lucky? No. It was their choice, and only by conscious decision can one be evil. But to be ignorant- well, that’s a whole other thing. It’s pathetic.”

“So how do we get to live eternally. How do we get true satisfaction?” Jungkook asked, leaning forward and turning his head to look at the other.

“Satisfaction is a byproduct. If you live the good life, that is, living virtuously and morally, with purpose and responsibility, then the question answers itself. You lived the proper life and that will bring you contentment. But that’s if you are not fully contemplating the Divine Essence by then.” Wonwoo chuckled.

“Divine Essence?” 

“Philosophy talk for God.” Wonwoo shrugged.

“Then what about Mingyu? You’ve really forgotten about him now? He has no place in your future?” 

“No- I-I’m unsure. I don’t know whether to believe that there's a plan for me, my fate has already been decided, or whether it’s up to me to let him back in or not.”

“Was it your choice to like him?” 

“I don’t know about that either. All I know is that I love him.” Wonwoo said in a hushed voice, although he looked horrified to say it. “Or do I?” Do I really?”

“Why are you doubting yourself?” Jungkook asked, an edge of concern tinting his voice.

“It might not be real. It’s petty puppy love. He could just be an image, a delusional one at best, a sinister one at worst. He might just be a manifestation of my wants and desires, what I ‘need’ to get through life. Or what my unconscious says I need.” Wonwoo said, holding his face to control himself. 

Wonwoo almost choked on his words.

“I know there are a lot of things wrong with me that could be affecting it. The thing that I call romantic love must be some psychological error that I was cursed with. God could be sending demons to tempt me, to try to get me to deviate from Christ’s path, to see if I’m loyal or not.” 

At first glance, Jungkook looked as though he wanted to forfeit Wonwoo to a therapist, but then a look of disbelief came across his face.

“Are you kidding me Wonwoo?” Jungkook chuckled. “You of all people? You walk in the room all confident, don’t give a crap about one of the hottest guys in the school that likes you, and you're super strong when it comes to sticking with your principles so, cmon. Don’t tell me you’re unsure about where your feelings are coming from. They are yours and no one else’s. Love and admiration have to be your strongest emotions. You’re telling me you don’t know where these come from? If you can’t even know what’s inside your head that’s causing all these things, then you can’t know anything.” Jungkook said.

Wonwoo gulped.

“Your right. I should be certain.”

You either are or you aren’t.” 

“I am.” Wonwoo seethed, directing his anger towards the cushion of his chair as he set his fist down. 

He had it.

“My love for Mingyu isn’t something to shrug off. It’s a part of me. And I know my own self. I know that it isn’t some stupid little crush. And he’s not the love of my life, he is my life on this earth. He can make me want to cry because God has been so good to me by sending him.”

“Then fight for it like your life depends on it!” Jungkook gritted, grabbing Wonwoo’s shoulders and shaking him. 

Before Wonwoo could respond, the sheet metal on the screen door creaked as it opened. He could see the blue and white jersey that he wanted to keep and hold on to as he slept and the hands that gripped the side of the door that he wished would hold him. 

“Uhm, is Wonwoo free. Can I speak with him?” Mingyu asked, talking to Jungkook. 

“Sure, just don’t break him.” Jungkook muttered, looking at Wonwoo to see if he was alright with his decision to leave them. Wonwoo nodded calmly, not giving Mingyu the privilege of acknowledgement.

“And even though I’m shorter than you I can still throw a punch.” Jungkook threatened, eyeing the football player before skirting around him to go inside. 

As much as Mingyu wanted to retaliate, he didn’t, remembering that this was all about Wonwoo. The floorboards shifted under his feet as he walked closer to the black-haired boy. Extending his hand, he held it out for Wonwoo to grasp, helping him up and out of the chair. 

Wonwoo’s lips curved slightly but his eyes showed no emotion. Of course, he didn't deserve to see any emotion just as he didn’t expect Wonwoo to take his hand. But Wonwoo wasn’t cruel, he was merciful. And most of all, he was human too.

“You want to go lay on the hammock?” Mingyu asked, a neutral expression on his face. Although, if Wonwoo would have looked up at him, he would have seen the regret and guilt in the football player’s eyes. But Wonwoo kept his gaze ahead of them, watching the boys jump into the pool.

It was at that moment that Wonwoo was about to come up with a snarky remark, but he thought twice about it. What good was that? Why not end all the chaos now? 

Mingyu led them down the steps, around the curve of the pool and towards two trees at the other end of the yard.

Wonwoo stopped at the middle of the hammock, wondering how he’d get on without falling on his face. Mingyu wanted to pick Wonwoo up and throw him on but realized they weren’t as close as they used to be. Within one hour, everything had changed. Nor did he want his dirty hands to touch Wonwoo, not when they had been on Tzuyu. 

Mingyu came around the hammock, deciding that laying together would not be a good idea. Waiting for Wonwoo to get on, he watched as the black-haired boy got on gracefully just like he had climbed into his truck. What if that was the last time he would?

The chain attached to the cloth material buckled as Wonwoo grabbed onto the sides of the hammock, trying to balance himself. The taller watched fondly as Wonwoo got settled.

“Alright I’m going to swing you now.” Mingyu said, wary about upsetting Wonwoo or catching him off guard. That stunt he pulled in front of him was already enough.

“No need to ask for my consent.” Wonwoo giggled, careful not to insult MIngyu or belittle him. 

“Sorry- I mean, you’re right. I guess I’m just too caught up in things.” 

“Are you talking about the thing with you and Tzuyu?” the shorter asked, cranking his neck back to look at Mingyu behind him. The football player looked down at him with a depressed grin, trying not to take in Wonwoo and all his beauty, but also trying to look at him respectfully. It was the least he could do.

“Yeah, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about that, you know, for hitting on her.” Mingyu stopped to think, knowing that his apology wouldn’t make sense unless he had a reason to be sorry. But telling Wonwoo that he wanted to actually be his boyfriend did not seem like an option. He’d have to come up with something else.

“I should have stuck with you I know.” Mingyu sighed. “Jaehyun would have never tried to get with you if I had been there.”

“You’re also a terrible actor.” Wonwoo snickered, not at all phased by Mingyu’s reasons for apologizing. He supposed it was to be expected. Honesty might as well have been too demanding of a standard for men these days he thought. Maybe even for him when it came to being open with his emotions.

Mingyu tried not to chuckle as he did not want to ruin the seriousness of the moment. But he couldn’t help it. Even the fakest of smiles that Wonwoo could give him still stirred up something inside him. It was impossible not to stop swinging Wonwoo and turn to stone at those dark eyes, triangular face, and the flowing locks of hair that grazed the shorter’s ears. 

“Why?” Mingyu asked, slowing the hammock down.

“Because you broke character and almost got with Tzuyu.” Wonwoo said as if stating the obvious. “Or perhaps that was your character all along, simply gone astray, wild... feral.” the shorter chuckled emptily, eyes wide and taking in the moonlight. Wonwoo looked as though he had just accepted the cruel hand of death.

“Are you mad at me?”

Wonwoo pursed his lips, making it look like he was considering the question.

“Only naturally, but not because I chose to be.” Wonwoo shrugged, dismissing the memory of Mingyu’s actions. 

Mingyu exhaled. “I came out here to see if you were alright.” he lied. “I saw you and Jaehyun together. I guess everything’s fine and dandy? Maybe it’s more than that?” 

Wonwoo could see the anger getting to Mingyu whose hands had gotten closer to his head. 

“He was the one bothering me. Whatever you saw wouldn’t be enough for you to go and try to hook up with Tzuyu or try to get drunk. In fact, nothing is ever enough.” Wonwoo said, voice filled with distress. 

The football player responded swiftly, reaching one arm over to the other side of the hammock as he pulled himself on. With how his arm was laid out, Wonwoo could have rested his head on it, but the black-haired boy grabbed it and gently guided it towards Mingyu’s side, giving the taller a look that told him to keep his hands to himself. 

“Okay I made a mistake. But you have to admit it looked pretty bad. You laughing and smiling at him?” Mingyu raised a brow.

“Wait a minute. It was all in contempt for him. Everything I did was an insult towards him. Sorry for being so abrasive, but you have it all wrong. That was your interpretation of what you saw and your mind filled in all the gaps, replacing the context. Don’t try to put this on me.”

“Well don’t put it on me either.” Mingyu snarled, not wanting to accept that he was in the wrong.

“I didn’t. You did it to yourself, and because I care about you, it hurt me too.” Wonwoo whispered earnestly, looking at Mingyu with watery eyes. It caused the football player’s heart to sink and made him want to grab the smaller boy and desperately tell him he loved him. But before Mingyu could wrap his arms around the black-haired boy Wonwoo turned away in fear and embarrassment. And although Mingyu clearly knew what Wonwoo meant -that he loved him, he didn’t want to admit it himself because the box of vices and sins which he had committed would be exposed. Thus he let the ambiguity of Wonwoo’s confession justify his silence. 

If he opened up to Wonwoo he would have to be completely honest and he wasn’t ready to take responsibility for doing all those things which Wonwoo hated nor did he want to admit that he intended to hurt him by getting with Tzuyu. It was already an unbearable thought. How painful it would have been if he had actually followed through and Wonwoo had found out, or maybe even walked in on them sleeping together. But was Wonwoo’s present pain worth it now, for the long run? Could keeping a secret really spare Wonwoo from suffering or cause more of it? He had to make a choice. 

The football player’s face twisted in anger. 

“You know what? Fine. I wanted to get laid tonight. I wanted to find a girl to bang, get wasted, whatever. Why the hell did you have to come along and keep me from having a good time?” Mingyu growled. 

There was some truth to his statement however they had just been thoughts that had crossed his mind, all in the name of Wonwoo. The thought came to him that he could have vented his frustrations by getting with the girl who wasn’t Wonwoo. Therefore, he wouldn’t have had to ruin Wonwoo’s innocence or go against his rational morality.  
Otherwise, if he could, he felt like he would have picked Wonwoo up in the living right then and there and carried him up stairs. 

But he didn’t entertain these urges nor did he ever want to act on them. It was as if the devil was trying to tempt him. He wasn’t actually conjuring up these feelings and thoughts for a plague was brought onto him from the unknown. Neither thought or lustful desire belonged to him, and he objected to them outright. But he still couldn’t admit it without the risk of being found out for loving Wonwoo.

His mind continued to rationalize ways that it would be able to let out pent up stress without hurting Wonwoo but deep down he knew that all of the ideas he came up with were wrong. Never in any circumstance and no matter the level of stress he was under would he ever cheat on Wonwoo in his heart. He wished Wonwoo knew, but reality did not cave to wishes. Things were what they were and he had brought them onto himself.

He looked at Wonwoo, expecting the shorter boy to glare at him or ball his fists.

But Wonwoo didn’t even flinch. Instead, his face went blank, not giving Mingyu the satisfaction of seeing him angry and disdainful. He simply got up abruptly and with purpose, causing the hammock to shake.

Looking at Mingyu for a long moment it was as if Wonwoo were trying to get one last look at his face. 

Mingyu knew that the end of their friendship was dangling off a cliff and made a move to reach out to Wonwoo’s hand. The shorter only kept it by his side, away from the other’s reach. 

“Wait. Where are you going?” Mingyu asked, scooting closer to the edge of the hammock and then setting his feet down. Wonwoo found it hard to answer.

“You don’t seem like you’re in the right state of mind right now. A few sips of that drink Joshua made you looked like it was enough.”

Mingyu lowered his head towards the moonlit grass, sitting with tiredness and in shame.

“Are you mad?” 

“No.”

“Then what is it? Are you disappointed?” Mingyu snickered. The football player looked up at Wonwoo as if he were a lifeline on the verge of being cut. He was desperately trying to shake off the feeling of confusion, worry and regret. He felt bad, in fact, worse than bad. But how bad did Wonwoo feel? Mingyu winced at the thought while on the inside, his heart stopped beating for a moment.

Wonwoo’s lashes covered his eyes as he looked down at the grass glowing in the moonlight. He hated to say it, but he felt angry at the world, angry at Being itself. 

Although it wasn’t his conviction of course. It was just something that crossed his mind, an evil thought of some sort. Perhaps a touch of malevolence. 

Here he was, giving up on the only dream he had and his only chance at being saved. 

“No.” Wonwoo sighed. “I think I’m going to drive home with Jungkook tonight though. Thank you for driving me here, I’m glad I ‘came along” he added coldly, turning around and strolling back to the house, politely declining the offer to watch the boys night swim. He didn’t mean to add any malice in his words to Mingyu, but they were waiting to be said in that manner. 

As he held his head up high, his thoughts brought him into an abyss. And he looked down at it. What was the difference between Jaehyun and Mingyu after all?

From the hammock, Mingyu watched with a stricken face the thin and frail figure of his only true love disappear along the side of the house. The blue sweater he had grown accustomed to seeing on Wonwoo was concealed by the bushes as the shorter boy walked past the gate to the driveway. 

Wonwoo never liked parties anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I feel like I rushed things and all the emotions haha. But don't worry, things will get better of course lol.


	21. When the Abyss Stares Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, you're all gonna hate me but I promise you it's not the end of the world HAHAHA. I have so much more to write and I gotta pick up the pace lol. Thank you so much for staying with the story it's really a compliment in itself. Love you guys!!

Wonwoo had texted Jungkook to meet him outside in Joshua’s front yard and within a minute he was coming down the steps in a hurry.

“How’d it go?” 

Wonwoo internally cringed but he didn’t show it, deciding to stare at the ground.

“I’m sad but I’ll get over it. It proves what I’ve thought all along. It’s all hopeless.”

“Why? What happened?” Jungkook asked, voice becoming higher pitched.

“Nothing really. But enough about me. I’m not a martyr. There won’t be any ‘boo hoo’ stores coming out of my mouth. As for Mingyu, well, I’ll just pray for him. It’s the least I can do.”

“What the hell are you saying Wonwoo? You’re not acting like a martyr. The guy you liked just fucking broke your heart so you have a right to be sad and for people to feel sympathy for you. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t” Jungkook smiled.

“There’s just one thing I can’t wrap my head around. You’d pray for the guy who hurt your feelings? I think there is some hope in this world after all.”

Wonwoo released a breath, finding what Jungkook had said to be funny.

“True. But I don’t think loving thy neighbor is possible anymore. This world needs another flood. Might as well carry me along with it.” Wonwoo chuckled.

“Then who’d carry the cross?” 

“There was only one man who could do it. Mingyu isn’t him and I don’t think I’d be able to either. It’s too unbearable for me. What kind of God would ask of us things that are impossible to do? Why would he curse me and make me lovesick but then demand that I follow him completely and without any distractions?”

The other boy shuffled his feet, looking down at the grass.

“The world is full of contradictions then.” Jungkook shrugged, although he made sure to let Wonwoo know he was taking him seriously. Lighting up the mood couldn’t hurt after all.

“I don’t think it’s the world that’s at fault. I think we’re the ones full of contradictions. I should straighten out my world first before I go around trying to change things, to make people into what they aren’t, to make a hero for myself.”

“And Mingyu was supposed to do that. I know.” Jungkook said, lowering his head in understanding.

Something humorous flickered across Wonwoo’s face.

“No.” he smiled. “I was just looking in the wrong swamp. There are a lot of crappy things that go on or happen to us, whatever. But there will always be a savior; a man who was never made but just was and just is. True perfection, uncreated, eternal, infinite and larger than life. But he can be small too and close to us. He had gone through more things than any of us, so he knows what it’s like to be at our lowest point” Wonwoo hummed, touching his crucifix. “This is all I need.”

Jungkook looked at the silver chain running down Wonwoo’s neck where it disappeared below his collar. Without asking, he opened his arms and walked forward with enough force as a bulldozer. 

In return, Wonwoo embraced him. For a few seconds, they rocked each other back and forth like their legs were stuck together, laughing. 

“Are you done with having fun or are you thinking of staying longer?” Jungkook asked, attempting to steer clear of the subject of Mingyu. 

“I was planning to go. I can say bye to everyone at school Monday.” 

“You mean ‘hi?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow. 

“Whatever. They can live without my presence for a day. It’s not like I was the life of the party.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes. 

“How are you gonna get home though?”

“I’ll call a taxi. Maybe my dad can pick me up.” Wonwoo lied, crossing his arms as a breeze blew through the trees.

“No. I’m driving you. Let me go get my jacket.” 

“No no no you can’t. I don’t want to ruin the fun for you. Really. It’s fine.”

“Nuh uh. Stay here and don’t move. I’ll be back.” Jungkook snickered, running back into the house. As he disappeared passed the entry way, the rest of his friends flocked outside onto the front porch, curious as to why Wonwoo was standing there outside by himself.

“Wonwoo are you okay?” S.Coups asked from behind the railing, standing next to Jeonghan who was wrapped in a blanket and snuggled into his side. 

Jun let his leg fall down one step and Minghao held on to one of the wooden beams holding up the portico, waiting for an answer. 

Wonwoo’s teeth grinded against each other nervously and his fingers clamped together.

“Sorry guys. I don’t really feel well. I’m tired, you know, since I woke up so early today.”

“Wait who’s driving you home? Jungkook?” Jun asked while the others titled their heads. None of them ever thought Wonwoo could get tired.

“Yeah. don’t worry. He’ll be driving me home and keeping me company too.” 

“What’s going on?” a hushed voice asked amidst the gathering. Vernon came through the entryway secretively holding Seungkwan’s hand. 

“Wonwoo’s not feeling well.” Jeonghan explained, turning back to face the black-haired boy, giving him a sympathetic pout. 

“Where’s Mingyu? Shouldn’t he be taking you home?” S.coups asked, a hint of anger in his tone.

“He’s... busy.” Minghao replied contemptuously, hissing lowly so that Wonwoo would not hear him. 

S.Coups face contorted into an expression of agitated confusion but shook it off as he realized Wonwoo was watching his every move. Jun chimed in to save him the trouble of explaining himself. 

“Is everything else okay?” he asked gently, losing his usual humorous tone. Gone was the playful glint that was always in his eyes. But the care and concern for his best friend remained.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Wonwoo nodded, releasing a breath as Jungkook stormed out with his jacket and keys. The group watched him dash down the stairs and onto the stone walkway, meeting Wonwoo energetically. 

“Alright, we’re good to go. Are these your friends?” Jungkook asked.

“Yeah. Don’t leave them hanging.” Wonwoo scolded while trying not to laugh.

“Oh sorry. Sometimes I think that if I’m invisible everyone else is too.” the boy giggled, waving at Wonwoo’s friend group.

“Nice to meet you.” Jeonghan spoke for them. “Take care of Wonwoo okay?”

“And make sure you didn’t drink too much.” Jun laughed, but it was choked and came out more like a nervous stutter. The air surrounding Wonwoo still made them feel weird. It didn’t take a social idiot to know that everything was off.

“Got it.” Jungkook nodded, and both boys waved one last time and hurried to Jungkook’s car across the street. 

S.Coups and Vernon still had their reservations about the matter and both instantly demanded to know what had happened as soon as the two shut the doors of Jungkook’s car. The group whispered to each other as they all left the porch, wondering if the altercation between Wonwoo and Jaehyun had anything to do with the former’s current state. 

Vernon looked through the window as Jungkook drove away with Wonwoo. His face had tensed and his eyes narrowed. Mingyu had to know what was wrong, he thought. He had never seen Wonwoo look so empty before. Of course there was his physical condition, pale and thin. But they trusted Jungkook to make sure he ate something and went to bed. Vernon simply hoped that what caused Wonwoo to look as though he had fallen off a cliff was not the start of anything they should be worried about in the future. 

Even after being harassed by Wonho and Changkyun in the hallway, Vernon saw how Wonwoo had shrugged it off. But that had concerned the flesh. This seemed worse. His friend looked as though he was suffering a crisis of the heart and he was well aware of the physiological symptoms of stress and its indications. The wince that casually painted Wonwoo’s face, the deadness of his eyes, the sudden loss of pride and sense of self in the black-haired boy. Just what was he going through? 

Vernon could only wonder and ask about it in the morning. So long as Wonwoo didn’t do anything stupid. He trusted that the elder wouldn’t. Knowing Wonwoo, he’d probably just sink his head in a book.

But there was still the possibility that order could spin into chaos. Wonwoo’s world already looked like it had fallen apart. Whatever Wonwoo seemed plagued with, would it end at midnight, like a curse or spell? Or was it just beginning? 

Vernon released a breath as Jungkook’s car disappeared through the thick of the forest. Looking up at the moon, he closed the window’s curtains.

The owl of Minerva flies at dusk.

II

The sound of a stereo system reverberated across the vacant parking lot of the Pledis campus. Jungkook’s car was parked along the tree line which was only a little ways next to the ocean. The cool wind brushed against their faces as they looked out at the sky. 

The radio was blaring and they swung their heads to it, not bothered by the noise since the university’s buildings were far away from them. Jungkook patted his steering wheel along to the beat, careful to not honk the horn as Wonwoo danced in his seat. 

“Yo, yo, stick it to the bull like- Stevie it to the bull like-”

“Hold up hold up” Jungkook replied, letting Wonwoo do a little arm dance.

“Wait, wait, wait, hold up, wait! Stevie it to the bull like where's MJ? Where's MJ? Don't come around with that weird enerjay, weird enerjay.”

“Bitch, I got that 25 karats on my Patek, I'm ecstatic. Got them blue diamonds dancing in my party, democratic”

“I never lose nothing but, damn, I done had it. I ain't never strike out, they can't average what I batted, noohhh.”

Then the both of them sang together.

“If she hatin', tell that bitch to let it go ohhh. Truly rude boy, truly rude.

“Wait wait wait.” Wonwoo giggled. “People are going to think we’re crazy if they see us.” 

“There’s no one around unless there’s a creepy murderer.” Jungkook snorted. 

“Don’t put that thought in my head, seriously.” Wonwoo replied, sipping his ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts rather loud for the sake of being annoying.

“He’s gonna hear us if you drink like that.” the other rolled his eyes.

“How do you know it’s not a she?” Wonwoo said slyly. “Actually, no, women usually will burn down your house or poison you.”

“Look at you.” Jungkook snickered. “Already giving yourself some ideas.”

“I already said I’m not a vengeful person.” Wonwoo scoffed. “But I can’t deny that it hasn’t occurred to me.”

“My only wish is to not be around when you decide to put your thoughts into action. You’re already terrifying enough.” 

“Hey.” Wonwoo hissed, giving the other the evil eye. “I-”

“Ooo i love this song. You should know it too since you’re a self-proclaimed Nicki superfan.” Jungkook taunted.

“So many boys in here, where do I begin?

I seen this one, I'm bout to go in

Then he said, I'm here with my friends

He got me thinking and that's when I said..."

"Wonu sing it!”

Wonwoo sang the rest of the chorus, rocking the car as he bounced in his seat. It was as if he wanted the campus police to come by and ask them what the hell they were doing. But he felt free, especially with the thought of danger and being found out jamming to music in the campus parking lot beyond curfew. 

“Where dem girls at, girls at? Oo oo oo oo.” 

“Wait I got this! This is my part! You ready?” Wonwoo grinned.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Jungkook retorted, earning a slap from Wonwoo before the latter put his game face on.

“I can’t swear though so I’ll try my best.” Wonwoo said hurriedly, counting down the seconds before the next part of the song came on. 

Jungkook clapped along on the edge of his chair. “1… 2… 3…”

The taller boy’s facial expressions matched precisely with what he saw Nicki Minaj portray in the music video, so much so that it was scary.

“Peebe, peebe, who's Peabo Bryson?

Two years ago I renewed my license

Anyway, why'd I start my verse like that?

You can suck a ___, or you can suck a ___

No no, I don't endorse that

Pause that, abort that”

Wonwoo’s expression morphed into a forced smile and his eyes darted all over the place in perfect mimicry.

“Just the other day mi go London, saw that

Kissing down the street, paparazzi, all that”

The black haired boy waved his hands around, twisting and turning as he looked at Jungkook, bringing him into his mock performance.

“Hey hey what can I say?

Day day day da-day day.

Coming through the club, all the girls in the back of me”

This ain't football, why the errr they tryna tackle me?

Really?

I pick dude at the bar like really?

Looking like he wanna good time like really?

"Said he had a friend for my home girl Lilly Lilly, Lilly, Lilly… RRRRRRRRR” Wonwoo growled, making a circle with his face and causing Jungkook to gape as he was pushed back against the driver’s side door by the taller’s passion. 

“Ok. That’s enough for me.” Jungkook stuttered, making himself small. He laughed shyly.

“See I told you I got it.” Wonwoo smiled brightly. 

“Too much of it.” the other exhaled. 

“I could come up with something witty to say but then you’re the one driving me home so.” Wonwoo pursed his lips.

“Smart idea.” 

Wonwoo cracked a playful smile, reclining back in his seat. 

“Hey we should all hang out at the beach together. You need to get to know my friends more. It’s right beyond these trees right?”

“Yeah it’s like only a one minute walk. Hella creepy though. Until you reach the other side you feel like you’re being watched.” 

“Oh my God stop.” Wonwoo whined. “Legit, I feel like we’re gonna see a skeleton head pop out and go back into the bushes right now with your car lights shining.”

“Then let’s get the heck out of here then.” Jungkook giggled, backing up his car and causing Wonwoo’s head to jerk back.

“I was getting tired of staring at the same trees anyways. But yeah, the beach sounds cool. Actually it might be too cool now that winter’s getting closer. We’ll think of something.” 

“Ooo can’t wait.” Wonwoo grinned from ear to ear, shimmying in his seat as the cold air came through the window.

“So you want me to drop you home now?” the other asked.

“Only if you’re tired or not in the mood to hang anymore. I don’t want to force you into staying up especially when you don’t want to stay in bed tomorrow. I’d never waste a sunday.” 

“Waste? That’s what sundays are for dummy. Sleeping in.” Jungkook gawked. “And don’t you dare think that I’m not in the mood to hang with you. I could lip sync Nicki Minaj with you all day. But… I’m actually kinda tired.” he winced sheepishly. 

“Okay then you better get some rest. My apartment isn’t too far from here. It’s down this avenue I’ll point it out to you.”

“Oh. I thought I was just supposed to dump you at the subway?” 

“Funny. Just because you’re ex did that do you doesn’t mean you get a free pass.” 

Jungkook hissed as if Wonwoo had really burned him, clenching his fists on the steering wheel.

“First of all, ow. Second. My ex was a lovely human being but he kinda got to girly for me. He was supposed to be the man.” Jungkook sighed but then his expression turned evil.

“You like manly men too don’t you?”

Wonwoo’s eyes darted out the window, escaping Jungkook’s clutches.

“Why? Because I like Mingyu?” he scoffed. “Mingyu was supposed to be a real man. But he’s still a boy. He can’t even keep his hands to himself.” 

“Hhm.” Jungkook thought. “That’s a lot of guys.” 

“And he’s just another one of them I guess.”

“You don’t want to give him a second chance? At friendship I mean. Well, it’s not like you guys suddenly stopped being friends unless you walked out on him.” Jungkook said, suppressing a giggle.

“I did.” Wonwoo grinned, making it seem as though he wasn’t remorseful and that the other boy meant nothing to him. “But I believe in second chances.”

“Mingyu likes you back so it’s not like giving him a second chance is futile. If he’s really the one for you he’ll make it work. You’ll be able to tell, trust me.”

“I do. And thank you. The night would have been worse if you hadn’t been there. You were either told by an angel to help me or you are an angel.” 

“Gee thanks Won.” Jungkook smiled. He couldn’t help but take his eyes off the road for a second and look down bashfully.

“What I would give for Jimin to say that to me.” he added wistfully, looking up at the flashing lights of signs and traffic lights.

“I have to meet this Jimin too, see if he’s right for you. No one can escape the eye of Horus.”

Jungkook chuckled. “I forgot you liked ancient history too. What are you gonna do? Be like Socrates and use your elenctic method to examine him.” 

“Finally someone who knows about Socrates.” Wonwoo breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Yeah. Took a class in high school. But oh my gosh you need to see Jimin’s face. He might be a little short but his face makes up for it. He’ll be able to carry me though, right?” the other said to himself.

“If he can’t then you can’t date him. That’s an automatic loss.” Wonwoo said, face etched with fake seriousness. 

“I know right? I’ll make him work out hard so he can be able to. I am not taking a golf cart to our hotel room after our wedding. He is going to carry me and that’s final.” 

Wonwoo nodded his head in agreement, sharing the same dream. His was even more specific now that he thought about it, including the most detailed things ranging from how Mingyu would come home to him after work, or how they’d watch their kids on the playground while snuggled up on the bench. Now that he thought about it though, it made him feel even more broken inside.

“Yeah. I wish my future husband would do that.” Wonwoo sighed. 

“Oh don’t worry.” Jungkook flicked his wrist. “You may not be advertising right now but I think you could sell right away.” 

Wonwoo’s shoulders tensed and he sat up straight. 

“No, I- I want to remain faithful to Mingyu. Even if he doesn’t like me back, I could never lo- like anyone else. It’s impossible. What I have for him is different and will never be the same for any other guy. Really. I can’t even imagine dating someone else.”

“Can’t even imagine? It really means something when you can’t conceive of anything else.”

Wonwoo whipped his head towards him.

“Why? Do you think I’m being delusional? Having a false sense of reality could be a sign of some mental disorder or something.”

Jungkook only smiled in return, reaching a hand to put on Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“No. I think it’s your conviction.”

It wasn’t until Sunday morning came when S.Coups and Vernon took the role as representatives of their friend group and asked Wonwoo if he was alright. The black-haired boy woke up to about a paragraph’s worth of concern from the two boys. It made him feel like the rare middle child, loved by both an older and younger brother. Although, Vernon was a couple of months younger than him but still, he liked the thought.

He had to explain to them that something personal had soured the mood for him but it was nothing worth digging back up and rehashing, nor was it worth riling them up. It would have been pretty easy to admit to them that it was Mingyu and that he had a crush on him, but Wonwoo chose to be considerate and save Mingyu from criticism. Even if the football player deserved to have his head bashed in, Wonwoo enjoyed the fact that he had the power to trap Mingyu or let him get away, much like a cat holding a mouse’s tail. 

It wasn’t like he was going to tell Mingyu that he forgave him. Wonwoo had the same mindset from the beginning, even before the incident. He would not be the pursuer here. Mingyu was the one that would have to work for it. There wasn’t anything artificially sexual or predatory to his thinking for it was simply a law of nature. Wonwoo wanted a man who’d stop at nothing to achieve what he wanted. But then again, why hadn’t he accepted Jaehyun as a partner then? Because he was less noble or because Wonwoo thought Mingyu had a handsome face? 

Well, he thought. If handsomeness was the true determining value, he didn’t know how the hell he would be able to remain faithful to one man since the world was filled with men who were handsome. But not every man was noble. He had learned that. So one had to have been more noble than the other. Of course, not in the sense that Mingyu restrained himself from ever wanting or desiring anything. Rather, Mingyu had given him a glimpse of what he wanted to strive for -what he truly wanted. And that was a product of the intellect, not a symptom of the heart. 

At this point, the competition was looking like a draw. And to make matters worse, Wonwoo was unsure that Mingyu would bother to put any effort into salvaging their friendship, much less invest in pursuing him. Perhaps that was the tragedy of it all. Loss of spirit and loss of faith. For the both of them. 

It seemed now that all he could do was wait. 

Monday, the slowest day of the week, came quick since Wonwoo spent the day before lounging around reading and writing. Going to church was part of his routine but all he could think of was that damned football player. There were a couple of kids from his school that went, and some of them were renowned athletes. It made him laugh to himself. They had probably been dragged to the place by their mothers. 

He could picture it now, him threatening Mingyu with no dinner unless he came to church with him. The thoughts running through his mind didn’t ruin the reverence of the hour however and he was able to have closed his eyes and thought clearly. There was something larger at stake, something more significant than petty crushes and obsessions.

As the day began to die, Wonwoo was reminded that he would be seeing the football player the next day. Anxiety and nervousness could wait until he sent for them, he thought. There was no use staying up all night speculating as to what would happen.

Not even worried about the awkwardness or uncomfortable setting that may have been created with him and Mingyu in the same room, Wonwoo strolled into history class nonchalantly. He didn’t act too confident, nor did he make himself small and invisible. It was like the world couldn’t hurt him or stop him. He was just there. 

Except, the fact that Mingyu hadn’t shown up to class made his chest pang. Could the boy be hungover? Or was this the revival of a habit that Wonwoo was unaware of before he met Mingyu. Had he lost the motivation to go to class now that he wasn’t friends with Wonwoo.

No, he thought. He needed to stop flattering himself.

For a minute Wonwoo had been slowly scanning the room for any sign of the boy thinking that he’d moved seats. But then he ceased his useless pondering, realizing he’d accomplished nothing.

S.Coups who was sitting next to him, tapped him on the shoulder. A caring smile was splayed on his face as he leaned in to whisper to him. He had heard Wonwoo’s breath hitch, and had seen his stone-cold face boring holes into the professors chalkboard.

“Hey, Mingyu’s always late. Don’t worry. You’ll be able to talk to him.”

Wonwoo could only give him a light smile, nodding his head to show that he understood. Although, he still had his reservations.

“Mingyu was kinda a punk in high school. Girls knew him as the bad boy. Maybe he’s just getting back in his old ways.” S.Coups shrugged. 

Then, Wonwoo found something to say.

“That’s what happens when you have issues you aren’t willing to solve.” Wonwoo replied, brushing off the feeling of dread. 

S.Coups winced.

“Ouch. I wish Mingyu was here. He needs to hear that.” 

Wonwoo let out a breath and refrained from saying “Me too.”, laying back in his chair as he listened to their professor lecture the class about things that he already knew.

“So. It’s not like it’s anything bad right? Nothing that two friends can’t get past?” S.Coups titled his head.

Both of Wonwoo’s brows went up.

“It depends on whether we’re willing to accept what’s happened I guess. And not to point fingers but let me just say, Mingyu was the one that did something I didn’t like. I’ll have to accept what he did and he’ll have to accept what I think. But now… now I don’t think he cares. He would have tried to make me stay at the party. So I’m right to think that it’s obvious he really isn’t interested in staying friends.”

S.Coups expression grew optimistic, like a lightbulb appeared over his head.

“Unless he wants to give you space, you know, let cooler heads prevail?”

“I guess that’s a possibility. Yet when has Mingyu ever had a cool head?” Wonwoo chuckled. 

“Maybe you’re special to him. Actually no, I know you’re special to him. Believe me, I never saw him get so close to a person before. And let me tell you, he’s an extroverted guy and gets along great with most people. But you, you got something that made him stick to you instantly. It’s not some stupid summer camp friendship.”

“Well, if the ride is going to be slow and tortuous I might as well try to enjoy it then. Maybe I’ll think like you and come up with my own fantasies. After all, I’ve lived in my head all my life. I better start considering the facts of reality. I could say Mingyu’s giving me time to cool off, yes, I’ll tell myself that. Or that he really is sorry. It would make me feel better. But in the end, I’d be lying to myself. And I never lie to myself.” Wonwoo said, eyes narrowing as his fingers clenched his pencil tighter. 

S.Coups eyes shifted from left to right and he nodded his head. 

“There’s just that thing you said about it being ‘obvious’ that Mingyu doesn’t care about being friends. I wanted to say-”

“Things aren’t always what they seem. I know.” the black-haired boy dismissed him. 

“No, not that.” S.Coups laughed quietly. “I was gonna say- well, that friendship is kinda hard to pin down. You know, it's tricky to figure where you stand and on what issue. It’s probably even less difficult in a relationship because you don’t really establish any code of conduct, laws or whatever until your lovers. You don’t lay it down with your friend like you do with your partner.”

“He’ll just have to learn the law then?” Wonwoo let out a chuckle which caused the rest of his body to shake.

“I don’t know if you’d be a good enforcer or a teacher though.” 

“It sounds more like we’d be dating then.” Wonwoo replied, trying not to enjoy the thought.

“Even better.” S.Coups grinned. 

IV

Wonwoo couldn’t automatically assume that Mingyu wasn’t in school but not seeing him in the hallways made him feel a little bit uneasy. Yet it didn’t show as he strode confidently to the usual courtyard he and his friends had lunch in. 

He had prepared himself internally for when he’d see that sculpted face again but the breath was knocked out of him because the boy wasn’t there. Sitting at the benches, the football team was arrayed into lines sat across from one another. As he walked past them he glanced across each face, none of which belonged to Mingyu.

The team on the other hand did more than glance back, some of them watched as he walked past, eyes trailing down below Wonwoo’s back. Some snickered to each other about how lucky they’d have to be to score with Wonwoo or how they’d have to outcompete their teammates. Others whispered about Wonwoo already being off the market, purchased by a certain member of their team who none of them wanted to trifle with. But of course it looked bad for Mingyu if he wasn’t there to keep what was his in good condition. 

But Jaehyun wasn’t there either, eliminating any potential threat to Wonwoo’s peace. S.Coups might have told him that it was because Mingyu had sent Jaehyun to the hospital and had been arrested but Wonwoo knew better.

Finally reaching S.Coups and Jeonghan at a round and circular table out of the shade and in the sun, he sat down smoothly to not draw attention to himself. Jeonghan gave him a polite smile, respecting his right to privacy and not using the moment as an opportunity to continue to press Wonwoo for answers.

Jun and Minghao looked down at their food, unintentionally making the moment more awkward. 

Vernon and Seungkwan weren’t far behind him, coming around his back to sit down next to him. 

Not because he was shivering in the cold, Wonwoo crossed his arms, fed up with how everyone was acting. 

“Something funny happen today? Any jokes to tell?” Wonwoo arched an eyebrow, teasing Jun.

“You wanna tell us something?” Jun retorted, looking at him like a parent who wanted their child to confess to lying.

Wonwoo jolted back, impressed with how fast Jun’s demeanor had changed. 

“Do I want to? Yes. Should I? No. Maybe when I’ve become more sure of things.”

“I understand you don’t want to talk Won, but don’t you think your friends can help you?” Jeonghan asked.

“Yeah, that’s the practical reason. But what about the fact that we’re all friends. We were at the party too. We should know what’s wrong in case it spills over and gets worse.” Minghao added.

“Trust me, I have it all under control.” Wonwoo assured but the blonde next to him didn’t buy it.

“It’s something to do with Mingyu isn’t it?” Jeonghan interjected, showing his sympathy. “We’re not all blind Wonwoo. It’s okay. I’m not forcing you to but you can tell us anything. 

The older boy leaned closer, providing them the comfort of privacy.

“It was a little crush, that’s all. You’ll get over it.” he whispered.

Jeonghan went on to make circles in his back, sending shivers up his spine. No, he did not want to hear any of what the boy had said, just as much as he hated the truth sometimes. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table, Jun let out a choked gasp, like someone stopping themselves from laughing. As if hiding his face behind his phone, Jun held it closer, studying the screen with more intensity. Minghao looked over Jun’s wrist to get a better view and he gaped as well, cringing at the sound of the video. 

“Won, did you see this? I thought-.” Jun paused, a confused look grazing his face. “Actually.” he said with a depressed and reluctant tone. “I’ll show you.”

“No. Wait-” Minghao tugged on his arm but it was too late. Jun’s phone fell out of his hand, clattering in front of Wonwoo.

Wonwoo knew that he shouldn’t have picked it up but he did. Although he had been tortured by the prospect of finding something out that he shouldn’t have, the moment of excitement was gone once he saw a tall and fit boy cornering a girl in what looked to be Joshua’s living room. 

Over the drunken cheers and howls of the late night party goers, Wonwoo could only hear the sound of his blood pulsing past his ears. He felt his throat constrict and his eyes threaten to close as he saw that it was Mingyu kissing Tzuyu. 

He held her roughly against the wall, digging his fingers into her hips. It was almost as if he was grinding into her as he held her close to him. She could only move her head around as he kissed her neck and trailed down to her collarbone. One of her arms was wrapped around his neck, red fingernails glimmering in the subdued lighting of the room. The other hand gripped MIngyu’s forearm, telling him that she wanted to hurry it up and take her elsewhere. Despite being in the corner of the room they had attracted everyone’s attention. 

Perhaps that was what Mingyu wanted. Maybe he was fed up with following him around like a puppy, Wonwoo thought. However, that could have only been his irrational side getting to him. The black-haired boy had more urgent problems, like the tear ducts in his eyes threatening to burst. 

The rest of the group had been thrown into a frenzy, scrambling over Jun’s phone to see what had paralized their beloved friends. 

Amidst the sharp hisses caused by banged elbows and legs, Wonwoo's eyes darted to two boys walking past them. He sat there, treading the border of rage and despair, but he was led on by his own fatal curiosity to the conversation that the two were having.

Over the rustling of their shoes cutting through the fallen leaves on the grass, he could hear their voices.

“I heard Mingyu and Tzuyu got it on Saturday night.”

“Dude, you’re kidding.”

“I’m being serious I swear. I went to get my coat and I walked in on them doing it. Bro you should have been there. They didn’t even care.” the boy laughed. 

It was the laugh of a teenager who knew nothing of the weight those words held for another. He had unintentionally crushed and anihilated the hopes and dreams of someone he did not know, like a foot stepping on an anthill in the cracks of the sidewalk.

By the time Wonwoo had heard the revelation, he felt done with everything. Was the world out to get him? Because that was what he caught himself thinking. 

How many vices did he have? How many sins did he commit for things to spiral downhill so quickly?

The rest of the group had settled, slowly getting back into their seats calmly as to not cause Wonwoo any more stress. Jeonghan gulped anxiously and Jun played with his fingers. 

S.Coups flashed Vernon a look that said nothing, and then turned to kick Jun under the table but Minghao beat him to it. Although a little late, it hurt Jun enough to make him jump.

They had already made sense of it all: why Wonwoo was upset and why Mingyu was acting that way and so on. And then suddenly, they felt the sadness overcome them, sweeping through the air like waves of heat but rather, the feeling was sharp and ice cold. However, not cold enough to numb the pain. 

Just by looking at the way Wonwoo’s eyes had drastically lowered -as if shielding his soul and covering for his retreat, they lowered their heads in response. The moment suddenly became solemn and silent with respect. Wonwoo still stood up straight and poised, but his eyes gave it all away.

“Wonu.” Vernon began, but stopped to give Wonwoo extra time. “Are you alright?” 

Wonwoo inhaled, keeping his hands by his sides as he watched the tree in front of them sway in the wind. His glossy eyes were filled with white dots, reflecting the sunlight.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” he said emotionlessly, breathing in again as if nothing mattered. “I got- I got to go. I just remembered-.” he paused, laughing at his own clumsiness with words. “M-my dad wanted me to leave early to talk to him. You know, to help around with the company and everything.” 

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Jun asked, trying to make up for revealing something he shouldn’t have. 

“Yeah. T-thanks though.” Wonwoo’s voice cracked, waving sporadically to the rest of his friends and leaving, desperate to get out of the spotlight of their scrutinizing eyes. It was bad enough that he had to be humiliated for being so foolish. And he had to stutter as well. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had. It was a childhood problem he thought he had gotten over. He had forced himself to. His father always told him that it wouldn’t look good for him and his business if his kid stuttered. He said it would ruin the flow of things. He guessed that was why he recited everything in his head before he said it. But who would have enough time to couple with the realization that Mingyu didn’t feel the same way for him as well as the burden of talking smoothly. There were too many things Wonwoo had to carry with him. His heart was already heavy enough and his commitment to reason and to virtue, heavier. And now it was as if he had no way out, no outlet for him to vent his emotions, no pillow to suffocate his whimpering mouth. Mingyu was supposed to be a shoulder, but he really was just a faceless shell of the ‘what could have been’ and the ‘what was great’. 

As Wonwoo got closer to his car, it was like the parking lot had turned into a depthless pit. It was hard to look down into the abyss but it was harder to remember the face of Mingyu. It was like his mind was doing him a favor, erasing the trauma of heartbreak.

Human beings could be so horrifying and monstrous yet everyone would go about their day interacting with each other like they weren’t talking to people who were murderous, resentful and afraid. After all, people weren’t only faces. They had shadows; demons following them around. They had baggage filled with remorse, the deeds of their ancestors stained in their minds, as well as catastrophes waiting to happen. Yet how could people do it? How could they have so much faith in one another so much so that they weren’t repulsed by the human face -at what it did and what it could do? That was a tenet of civilization. Faith and trust in the individual. And it was what he needed in order to cross the abyss of the uncertain, of nothingness, and of chaos. 

Yet were those things what his presuppositions were built on? If he had built everything on those principles, then he would need to prepare for the worst. If he was wrong about Mingyu, then he was wrong about the world.

Nearing the car door, Wonwoo felt his heart quicken. Blood coursed through his veins, thickening and pulsing. He began to sweat as he looked at himself in the rear view mirror, resting his hands on his knees in an effort to catch his breath. He hadn’t ran to his car. He had walked slowly, taking the time to process what had just happened. 

Although his mind may have struggled to respond, his body was slow but reacted dramatically. Where his mind’s eye could not see past the lovesick hue of pink that clouded Mingyu’s handsome face in his imagination, his real eyes could. They had seen how effortlessly he had kissed Tzuyu, how unregretful the football player had looked when Wonwoo had turned away from him. They had seen the scratch marks on Mingyu’s neck and arms from Tzuyu’s nails. 

They had seen enough and they responded disharmoniously. It was like his soul began to cry out. But it was the body that had beat the soul to it. 

Wonwoo’s world became blurred as a salty fluid filled his eyes. He held it together though, telling himself that his emotions were irrational and inappropriate. How could he make it in life if he collapsed at every fork in the road, in a mess and sobbing? He could save a lot more time and a lot more tears if he just kept going. And he did. 

For once, there was something that Wonwoo did not understand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda a filler but a prelude to what's gonna happen next. Mingyu is not totally lost! 
> 
> Also omg, his hand legit can wrap around Wonwoo's entire arm like whaaaa. He's such an alpha omg!


	22. Prolegomena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING WARNING: I cannot believe I wrote sections two and three, I am so pure and innocent I SWEAR. But I had to, I had to convey every emotion through action! 
> 
> Vulgar language, sexual themes, bad bad bad 
> 
> SKIP sections II and the last half of III if you are pure and innocent LMAO. IT"S RATED R.

“Mr. Jeon will see you now” the secretary told him, putting down the phone that Wonwoo’s father had talked to her through. 

Brushing past the doors, Jaehyun was instantly confronted with the cold stare that belonged to Mr. Jeon. Funny, must have been where Wonwoo got it from he thought.

“Jaehyun. I trust you’ve drawn up those new designs I’ve personally asked you to do. The commissioner for the new store wants to start right away. I told him that creativity is spontaneous and takes time to cultivate.” 

Jaehyun let out a quiet breath, his formal expression morphing into a satisfied grin. 

“Yes Mr. Jeon. I have them right here. I’ve already handed the sketches in and they have been approved by Design Development. I was going to give the original drafts to the construction administration later on but something came up at school that I thought you’d want to know about.”

“Oh? What is it?” Mr. Jeon smiled, adding the finishing touches to some letter he was writing with a sharp curl of his pen. He looked up, not changing his strained posture in any way. 

“Something to do with my son eh?”

Jaehyun pretended to look flustered, directing his gaze towards a picture of Wonwoo above one of the sleek and aluminum-finished filing cabinets.

“He’s a really special person to me, yeah.” Jaehyun nodded. 

“My friends told me that Wonwoo left school. I went by one of his classes after lunch. Didn’t see him. I guess he was pretty upset about something. It’s unusual for his character.” 

As if he knew Wonwoo’s character.

“Did you break my poor boy’s heart Jae?” Mr. Jeon whimpered, placing a calloused hand above his heart. Those hands struck something within the younger boy.

Jaehyun’s shoulders went up in a defensive stance.

“No I-, someone else did sir.” he replied, faltering over his words but then quickly regaining his composure.

“Someone I know?” 

“No. You wouldn’t.” Jaehyun answered instantly, as if some invisible force had taken control of him, compelling him to spare Mingyu’s reputation. He had seen the boy actually in the marketing department. Quite a number of people had accumulated in one of the conference rooms to see Mr. Jeon endorse the new intern as a friend of his son’s and a promising new member of the department. Mingyu had stood there basking in his new coworkers’ and friends’ ‘congratulations’ and ‘good luck’s. But Jaehyun had never seen anyone so guilt ridden before,m. Of course, the rest of the staff perceived it as humbleness and modesty. 

Apparently Mr. Jeon had called Mingyu in on a late Sunday afternoon to discuss the terms of his employment and he had decided that the marketing department was most suitable for him both in terms of skill and personality. It was rumored that the handsome new boy would be joining the company Tuesday morning and would be shadowing a few of the younger recruits for the rest of the week starting in the afternoon and then all day Friday. Jaehyun was lucky to have befriended someone who had access to all of the employee’s information. It turned out that Mingyu had earned a hefty amount of scholarship money from high school football so that he could attend Pledis University. It was listed that Mingyu was undecided, and it looked like he was dipping his toe in the water by taking a bunch of different courses. Thus, his schedule was easily malleable. 

Perhaps his unforeseen willingness to cover Mingyu’s recent behavior with Mr. Jeon’s son was him simply giving into granting second chances, even if he didn’t have the authority to grant them in the first place. Could Mingyu be an ally? Or could he be a mere hand considering the information he had on the boy. It already looked difficult since Mr. Jeon had taken an instant liking to the boy. It took Jaehyun a couple of drawings to earn Mr. Jeon’s esteem but it only took a ‘hello’ and a firm handshake to get Wonwoo’s father to decide that Mingyu was someone who he enjoyed having as his subordinate. 

Snapping back into the real world, Jaehyun jerked his head towards the window where Mr. Jeon stood in front of. 

“Is it something I should be concerned about?” the older man asked, crossing his arms behind his back.

“No. But if you could sir, Wonwoo hasn’t really been open with me. If you could somehow make him accept me, then I could help him with whatever he’s going through. He looks like he needs a partner. All of his friends are… subpar.” Jaehyun said, touching his chin. “I don’t think fatherly love is what he needs at the moment, with all due respect of course.” he added earnestly.

The older man let out a chuckle.

“I see. I know as a father I should take more of an interest in my son’s personal life but I can’t help but say. This is a wonderful opportunity for you Jaehyun. Better than any business opportunity I’ve come across.” Mr. Jeon laughed, assuring him that he didn’t take any offense. 

“All it will take is for Wonwoo to admit that he needs a romantic partner. That’s why I’ve been thinking of a way to get him to say it.”

Jaehyun nodded slowly, suggesting to Mr. Jeon that he should continue.

Mr. Jeon looked at him for a moment, grinning.

“Well, I can’t say I’ve come up with anything!” he laughed. “But I have other methods.” 

Jaehyun gulped, steadying his hands by his sides. 

“I understand that it’s personal, between you and Wonwoo of course. So I won’t ask any further questions.” the brown-haired boy finished, lowering his head. 

“But everything you’ve been doing is great and I am really thankful.” Jaehyun said quickly, making sure he wasn’t being too demanding. 

Mr. Jeon smiled appreciatively, fumbling as he put on his coat.

“Excellent then.” 

Jaehyun could only let out a nervous chuckle, waiting for the other to continue.

“Let me tell you son, everything is set on the right track. Don’t think that Wonwoo’s reluctance to date you has anything to do with you as a person. He’s always been stubborn like that. Heck, you’re not the first. But I hope it comforts you, the fact that you possess more spirit than the rest. You deserve him, and you’ll have him. Sooner or later.” Mr. Jeon huffed.

“Now if you’ll excuse me.” he added, grinning. Plopping down in his office chair, he swung towards the phone.

“Madame secretary, will you get Wonwoo on the line for me?” the older man asked in a charming voice.

“Yes certainly Mr. Jeon.” she replied with a sweet and sugary twinge to her voice.

Both men could tell that she was blushing through the phone. 

A dozen seconds passed before the other end of the phone shuffled again. 

“I’m sorry sir, I know it’s uncalled for but Wonwoo isn’t answering his phone right now. Do you want me to send Mr. Muller to collect him?” 

Mr. Jeon sent Jaehyun a knowing look. 

“No. But prepare my limo. I’ll be down in the lobby in five minutes.” 

Jaehyun stepped back as Wonwoo’s father got up abruptly, fetching his hat. The older man looked up at him, giving the brown-haired boy an assuring smile.

“I think you were right about Wonwoo. He seems pretty upset. Maybe I’ll let it slide… this time.”

II

Mingyu awoke in the afternoon as the sun was now coming in through the window on the other side of Tzuyu’s bedroom. Interestingly enough, the clock on the bedside lamp stand read ‘2:00’, the same time that his photography class with Wonwoo would have started. He had completely forgotten about their project until he saw it. 

The football player remembered that their professor was still working out a date for the assignment. It would most likely be Friday, giving them the rest of the week to edit and select which photos they would present according to the specific criteria laid out for them. 

He groaned, realizing he’d have to see Wonwoo again amidst the awkwardness of Saturday night and also because his legs and back muscles had been worn out after two nights spent with the girl next to him. 

Tzuyu’s arm was uncomfortably splayed on his bare chest as he laid on his backside. His expression was callous but undisturbed, watching through the blinds as birds flew by and landed on electric wires.

He looked down at her body, lithe and angular. He could have patted himself on the back for having added to his list of bangs but her beautiful body presented him with something ugly he didn’t want to accept. He had used it. He had ransacked it, searching for an escape. Although he was the one who Tzuyu was snuggled against, it was he who sought a retreat; a place to hide and cower. 

He had it so good Mingyu told himself, until he decided to run away. But why had he done that? How could he have been so negligent in his decisions, perceptions, and motivations? Was he simply not ready for commitment? Or was it something deeper than that?

He knew it the minute that he stood behind Wonwoo, smelling his fruit-scented hair and trailing the outline of his silver necklace running sharply down his neck. He knew that it would be a struggle to keep his desires in check, to refrain from devastating Wonwoo’s body right then and there.

Perhaps that’s why it was called an ‘escapade’. He had certainly escaped responsibility and the moral issue regarding the objectification of Wonwoo’s body. But in failing to deal with one sin, he had let himself to fall into the pit of another. 

Initially, he had thought it was better this way. It was his conscious decision to sleep with Tzuyu, even if he was under the influence of alcohol. But then again, being in love doesn’t always ensure that one is in the right mind. 

He argued with himself that since he had barely made any progress in stopping the lustful thoughts he had when he saw Wonwoo, that it wasn’t worth it to keep going. Why not fall back and give in? After all, he hadn’t even reached a week of remaining pure in his thoughts.

It was the Devil feeding him that lie, really. But Mingyu never considered the spiritual aspect of things yet to understand evil’s true nature. Evil wasn’t simply lust, vengeance or chaos. It was more developed than mere emotion. It was much smarter and more complex than that. It had a logic to it. 

Evil was most powerful when those afflicted with it were unaware of its presence. After all, the cleverest lie the Devil ever told was the lie that he didn’t exist.

Spirituality aside, Mingyu bet that Wonwoo could have fixed him if he had just been open with him. He cursed himself for not being honest with the black-haired boy. But was there any turning back now? He was dirty and impure. There was no taking back the words he had uttered. He couldn’t stop himself from grunting the profanities at the girl below him as he ruined her. Nor was there any chance of wiping off the feeling of Tzuyu’s lips on his. 

Same went for the way he looked at Wonwoo sometimes. Was there any point in trying to start over when he knew he’d go right back to drooling and biting his lips whenever Wonwoo walked up a couple of stairs? 

Tzuyu didn’t care. She spread her legs for him the minute he took his jersey off. She allowed him to do it, so it must have meant that treating her like a cumdump was okay so long as she was down with it. It wasn’t like there was really a right and wrong in reality. It all depended on the situation, how one was feeling, whether the circumstances were justified... right? It wasn’t like rationalization was just another word for ‘excuse’. Rationalization took a lot of thought. So it couldn’t have been. At least, that was what he told himself.

But then it hit him, coming out of the mud of his own unconsciousness like the sun being born out of the void of space.

A lot of thought is focused on trying to get around what’s right and what’s wrong. Didn’t he think that people try to justify and come up with the craziest of explanations for the shitty things they do? Obviously he had never been cheated on. 

The part of him that resided in the back of his head was laughing at him. But was Wonwoo?

Mingyu’s head fell back against his pillow. He succumbed to his headache, ending the conversation with himself in his head. He could leave all the morality talk to Wonwoo, he decided. That was, if a broken heart wasn’t enough.

Mingyu exhaled, not knowing if he should bother to go the remainder of his classes or laze around in bed for the rest of the day. 

Meanwhile, Tzuyu shifted beside him.

“I’m so sore. Couldn’t you have been at least considerate and gone easy?” she groaned. 

Mingyu crossed his arms behind his head, looking down at her like she should be grateful.

“I gave you what you asked for.” he huffed. 

“I can remember you begging for me to fuck you hard while you were down on your knees. Maybe you were all talk.” He snickered.

Tzuyu looked offended, but then her expression became pacified.

“You’re even more cocky now than you were last night, and the night before. I wondered what it would take for you to finally show some personality. Although, I didn’t ask to be bruised. Usually it’s the losers on your team that try to feel manly by marking me.” she laughed.

Mingyu could only smirk. “Yeah well they don’t have the biggest cock at our school do they? So shut up and be grateful.”

Tzuyu smiled in return, sadistically satisfied with her treatment. 

“I could take more fingers next time. I’ll be extra noisy so you’ll have to.” she giggled.

Mingyu narrowed his eyes.

“You want my whole fist in your mouth just to shut you up? I bet you’d like that huh?” Mingyu grinned, baring his canines.

“I know I would. You’re lucky I didn’t go harder on you. You’re fucking moaning was getting on my nerves.”

Tzuyu scoffed and crawled onto the football player’s lap, swaying her hips as she slowly made her way over the taller’s legs. Mingyu grabbed her ass like he owned her, like he had paid for her to dance for him. 

As the night had died, he knew things had to return to order. But he was too fearful of leaving the comfortable and familiar chaos he had created for himself. 

Looking at Tzuyu had become easy because he had done it so many times now. He had done more than look at her and every time he let it happen, it hurt. It hurt to be reminded that he was betraying the one he loved. But it would all go away, once the profane image of Wonwoo in his head had been replaced with an even more vulgar one of Tzuyu. 

Hopefully, he thought, he would have no heart left to feel remorseful. As well as no mind left to think and bear the responsibility of his actions. Feeling guilty about his own deviant thoughts was already enough. 

Tzuyu raised it up high and lowered her back, allowing Mingyu to view the curve of her figure.

“Then let me make it up to you. I’ll try to be quiet this time.” Tzuyu said breathlessly, eyes gleaming with enthusiasm. 

Mingyu seethed as she grinded down on him but then he regained his arrogant and cocky demeanor, wanting to be back in control.

“You can try but no one’s ever been quiet when I’m the one fucking them.” Mingyu growled, flipping Tzuyu over and holding her beneath him.

III

Shoes thudding against the oriental carpets of the corridor, Wonwoo smiled lightly at the security guard walking past him. The guy didn’t look a day over thirty, nor did he look too boyish either. 

Wonwoo wasn’t interested of course, but the older man didn’t seem to get the memo. The beige-uniformed man’s eyes darted towards him, concealed by his military green baseball cap. His arms were hooked on his belt as he walked slowly by, taking in the view of Wonwoo’s backside once the black-haired boy got to his door. 

Wonwoo didn’t think anything of it. He had already hidden a baseball bat in the closet next to the entryway. And besides, not trying to walk seductively and in a manner that drew attention to himself had become a habit for him. It wasn’t his fault that if he let out a breath, the security guard would think he was asking for it. 

Swiping his key card against the card-reader, the door clicked open and he stepped in. Confronted with the cool air of his residence, he scrambled for something warmer and comfortable to put on. He chose a blue silk and long sleeve cardigan with chinoiserie silk-lined pants. They flowed and fluttered as he walked, hanging over the sandals he wore. 

After just coming in, he was too busy with finding something to wear that he forgot about the stack of paper that someone had slipped through his mail slot. He had stepped on it as he got in but didn’t think to come back to it until he saw it again on his way to his kitchen.

Picking it up, he noticed a sticky note as well:

“Page 3. How do you like the look?” 

Wonwoo’s eyes searched the front page for any other sign, a name, anything.

It must have been one of his father’s aides who had delivered it, seeking his ‘design diva’ opinion. Of course, his commentary wasn’t asked for only in the domain of clothes. It bled over into interior design, and architecture as well. The artistic community had great respect for one another, well, most of them.

It wasn’t like he had any say in design development or construction, even if he was his father’s son. But he couldn’t help but grimace in revulsion at the sight of the photos. Arrayed in a grid were four black and white photos of the models for the new retail store commissioned by Jeon Rodolfo. 

The caption below the picture read:

“JR’s design for their new store in Ekali Greece. Drafted by the young prodigy, Mr. Jung.”

It was truly a disgrace he thought. He could see the residents of the city laughing. It wasn’t a very good PR stunt either. The area between the walls and ceiling had a shiny metal trim, dark enough to look like bronze. A play on the Bronze Age of Greece perhaps. It’s ceilings were high and vaulted, supported by corinthian columns but with bland-looking capitals, most likely made of white concrete. It was a rip-off at best, and plagiarism at worst. It was humorous to think that the citizens of Greece would be impressed with the artistic design much less the clothes the store sold. Why not just take a one mile bus ride to the Parthenon instead? Customers would be paying extra for the clothes and the look of the place anyways. That’s why he would remember to tell his father that he absolutely loved the look, just to take the piss out of him.

Grabbing the edge of the doorframe, Wonwoo brought himself into his library, basking in the light that came in at the top of the book cases. He had gotten over being sad, and now he just needed an outlet for his anger. A productive outlet. 

He found his old typewriter, the one that he had bought from an antique shop on his fifteenth birthday. A gift from one of his old friends. Actually, an old ex friend now that he thought about it. He hadn’t seen him since. 

He was the closest thing to a boyfriend that he had ever had but Wonwoo had rejected him. The black-haired boy simply wasn’t ready, believing himself to be too immature and volatile to be involved in a relationship. It would have done a disservice to the other. 

Wonwoo had the Symposium, a book by Plato in his library after all. It spoke about the dangers of love, including young age, and how youth may not be able to handle it. 

As crazy as it sounded to his own arrogant self, he was still a youth. Believe it or not he still got infatuated, he still developed ‘crushes’, he still felt like throwing tantrums and yelling at the world. Perhaps he had been too protected. He had not been given the time to develop into an adult. Yes, he thought. That must be why. He hadn’t grown up fast enough like everyone else.

Wonwoo giggled.

He shook off the nostalgic feeling and with both hands he reached into one of the shelves picking up the old machine. Placing it on his desk it made a loud ‘clank’ and he sat down in his chair, fixing his back. It had been a while since he used such a thing, much less picked it up. Hand writing his novel-in-progress felt good sometimes as his hands and arms moved with every word that came into his mind and onto the paper. But tapping keys and slamming the carriage back into its place felt better. He liked the sound of the keys clicking as his fingers jabbed them, like it was some sort of stress-reducing machine. 

After loading the paper and tuning it, his fingers expanded over the keys like a musician getting read to play the piano. He was still consciously trying to figure out how he’d start where he left off when a thought came to him. It was almost as if he was hit with divine inspiration which supplemented his own talent. Narrowing his eyes and lowering his brows, he began to type. 

_ Vivien looked at him as if he had just told her that he wanted to divorce her. Derek was unphased, simply crossing his legs as he laid there on his bed, arm’s clasped over his chest. His black leather boots shined in the midday sun coming in through the shades. His white collared shirt was untied, enticing Vivien to come closer but she resisted. _

_ Her black hair fluttered in the wind as she ran up to him at the edge of the bed, ready to slap some sense into him. _

_ “What did you say to me?” _

_ Derek looked at her like she was some squawking bird. _

_ “I told you to shut up. Don’t expect me to stay around if you can’t even give me what I want woman. You think marriage is supposed to be all lovey dovey? Well, I have my needs too.” the man spat.  _

_ “Now c’mere. I know you hate seeing my upset. My wife’s tush is the only redeeming quality on her.” _

_ Vivien’s face wrinkled with indignation as she slapped his hands away.  _

_ “Let go of me you pig! Do you even know what you’re saying?”  _

_ The man looked up at her with a feral grin. _

_ “Do you know what I’m saying?” he chuckled.  _

_ “That’s partly why I stayed married to you. We always were good in bed together. You could say that we were meant for each other.” _

_ Vivien shook her head, slowly and in disbelief.  _

_ “No. Not in that way.” she choked, throwing a pillow at him.  _

_ “I may be guilty too, but you, you’re the worst. You knew and I didn’t. You thought I’d bend over for you whenever you wanted. And now, I see you for who you really are. You wouldn’t even let me rest. I worked the whole day, running myself down. And you want me to put a smile on my face and take it like a bitch? You fool.” she said in a low tone.  _

_ “I hate you.” _

_____________________________________________________________

Mingyu grabbed Tzuyu’s waist as he bent her over her dresser. She cried out as he picked up the pace, knocking over a picture frame in the process. 

Gritting his teeth, Mingyu slammed into her, causing the drawers to rattle and creak. He buried his head in her neck, pulling her towards him.

______________________________________________________________

_ “Fine then.” Derek shrugged, resting his hands behind his back as he stared at the wall. “There’s plenty of grateful people out there that want it. I guess I married the wrong girl. Say, you think you can call one of your girlfriends and tell em to come over? I could use a good fuck. With this stress and all that you’re putting me through. Too bad you couldn’t have fought back sooner. Then I would have been able to divorce you for not being a loving wife. Could have gotten rid of you faster.” he chuckled. _

_ Vivien’s lips quivered and shore bore her teeth. _

_ “I’ve done everything I could.” Vivien gritted. _

_ “I guess I didn’t know who I was marrying either.”  _

_ Derek huffed. _

_ “Tough luck. I didn’t know that simply because we had rings on our fingers that meant we couldn’t have an open relationship. You don’t see my crying.” he laughed. _

_ _____________________________________ _

A teardrop rolled down Tzuyu’s cheek as Mingyu thrusted harder. He smirked as he grabbed her chin, swiping her drool around her lips with his fingers. 

“You’re pretty when you cry.” 

Tzuyu only rolled her eyes.

“More.” she told him through pursed lips, grabbing his arm.

They continued in front of the mirror. In fact, it was Mingyu’s favorite spot. He always liked watching himself. 

______________________________________

Wonwoo typed on the kees furiously. If he applied more pressure he would have snapped them off the tiny sticks that held them up. All that could be heard in his apartment was the sound of the typewriter clicking, overshadowing the noise of the forced air coming through the heating ducts.

_ Derek looked at her, grinning. _

_ “Didn’t know I had to wait til marriage to have a causal fuck. You always took the fun out of everything.” he chuckled, shaking his head. _

_ Vivien clenched her fists, stepping forward to challenge him. Everything had been boiling up to this point. She had slept beside him for years, taking in everything he said to her, about her, under his breath. How many women had been under the same covers as she had? It came to the point that she had smelled the scent of perfume that did not even belong to her. _

_ It came at the worst time too, but it was good to let it all out. The price of speaking out was nothing compared to not speaking out. And through the sound of hearing her own voice, she regained something she had lost long ago. Her dignity. _

_ “Casual you say?” Vivien laughed _

_ “You think that sex is casual? That it is nothing more but the amalgamation of limbs and appendages? You would treat people as means to your own ends simply because you are an animal that desires pleasure and self-gratification? You are someone who I have no respect for, whom I’ve lost it for. You are undeserving of gratification for you have not earned it. What values do you hold? How have you applied them to reality? What have you achieved? Nothing! _

_ You are an emotional parasite, feeding off of your victims pain and suffering and causing them more of it just so you can stay alive. You grobble and squirm while others toil and sweat. They read and discover, using reason while you use your gut. Yet you have the audacity to treat them as lowly beings, making them come to you for a session when they should really be going to a therapist. You are the lowest of them all! _

_ Have you ever dealt with your own emotions? Have you thought of solving a math problem or writing poetry to enlighten yourself? No. All you’ve done is become drunk and wasted, dispensing with a higher purpose in exchange for momentary satisfaction.  _

_ You live to feel the wind on your face, for the touch of a person, for the taste of wine. You belong to the lowest of creatures; the sensual. Then there are the heroes of society, the ones we sanctify, who live for the pleasure of contemplation. Even if they have their heads stuck in the clouds they are far above where you’ll ever go. With their intellect they have created a world which you seek to destroy, just because you can’t bear the truth. You have not learned to endure but to sublime and suppress. It is the hero that walks on the red carpet while you hide under it. _

_ It’s poisoned you and everyone around you. You have not become a holy servant, but a servant of your own whims. You have not made yourself, you have been made. By all the evil forces of the world.  _

_ Your biology makes you crave it, your psychology makes you rely upon it, your history makes you predicated upon it and your philosophy- _

_ Well, I can’t say you have one." _

___________________________________________

Mingyu released inside of her, clutching her body beneath him like it was Wonwoo’s. He thought that he would have been able to get his mind off the black-haired boy but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

And while Wonwoo seemed like a memory to him, he was still alive, thriving in his mind. But someone else’s body lay under him like a corpse whom he had taken the life out of. Because, that’s all that he was. A parasite.

____________________________________________

_ Vivien looked at Derek one last time, letting out a heavy whisper as she gritted her teeth. _

_ “And while all the angels and saints shine in the glory of God, you ‘glisten’ in sweat and reak of sex. You are indeed reprehensible.” _

The typewriter clicked one last time as Wonwoo pushed the carriage back to begin the next line. There was still so much to say but he froze as he heard a noise out in the living room. Then there were footsteps patting the hardwood floor producing a creaking noise, like a tap dancer trying to be discreet.

Wonwoo lifted his head, trying to scan the other room from the space between the door frame. He was just about to get out of his chair when a man slid through the entryway.

Wearing a black suit and tie, along with a mischievous grin, his father looked down at him from where he was standing against the bookcase near the door, waiting for a delighted and surprised response from his son. 

The younger thought that a cigar in the man’s mouth would have been a nice compliment considering his hair was already slicked back and his eyebrows were groomed. 

“How did you get in here?” Wonwoo asked angrily, narrowing his eyes. 

“You forgot to lock the door. And the concierge was familiar with me. She was very nice. I think she’s sweet on me.” Mr Jeon chortled.

“Do you want to add her to the list of your exploits? I can get her number if you want me to.” Wonwoo scoffed but Mr. Jeon’s smile only widened.

“Don’t start with me Wonwoo. I came here to give you good news”

“Right. I was beginning to think someone had died and you wanted to give me the news in person. Isn’t it a break of tradition to leave work to see one of your employees?”

“Oh Wonwoo, you’re more than that. And it isn’t that big of a deal to break tradition, not when someone has a crush on you.”

Wonwoo looked unamused.

“Is it the security guard? I already asked for him to be assigned somewhere else. Back in the old days all the sentries that guarded the Queen’s chamber were castrated.” 

Mr. Jeon’s face turned blue.

“Heavens no! He’s... younger. Even with his age he has already become an architect on my design board for our retail stores. He’s already made a great start on his career path too.” 

“So that’s why you’ve come here? You want him closer in your cabal of cronies and conspirators? You think you can corrupt him?” Wonwoo laughed. 

“Him having a crush on me is a perfect opportunity for you to take advantage of him. I knew it. An open heart is an open door for sin.” 

His father looked unamused, crossing his arms.

“Now why would I do such a thing? Do you really think that of me? I’m hurt.” 

“What I think is only a reflection of reality.” 

“What kind of world do you live in then? Did I not treat you well enough in your childhood? Under what circumstances would you adopt such a view of life?” His father asked, flabbergasted.

Wonwoo looked at him with a curious gaze, eyelids raised slightly just enough to show that he wasn’t bored. But they were still low enough to show that he didn’t really care about continuing the discussion. 

“Do you really want to know? It’s the fact that a world exists out there that is better than this one. It’s on that premise that I draw that conclusion. But you didn’t want a sob story, and you don’t look like you’re in the mood to venture into philosophy. So I’ll leave it there.”

“Now.” Wonwoo paused, covering some of his writing with a few blank sheets of paper.

“Who exactly has a crush on me?” he said, curling his tone by adding a breathless and high-pitched tint to it. Like he was sheepish and innocent at the same time. 

“It’s charming really. He goes to your school in fact. I doubt you haven’t heard of him. His name is Jung Jaehyun. Handsome name. A real looker too.”

Wonwoo’s mouth went dry and his nostrils flared in anger.

“You know him?” his father asked lightly, realizing how deep the question had taken the conversation. 

The black-haired boy raised his head up high, getting out of his seat and skirting past his father through the doorway. Putting the pieces together, he let out a breath. Mr. Jung? Jung Jaehyun? What a small world.

Exiting the library, Wonwoo arrived in his living room, dragging his fingers across the top of the couch. His father watched him with wonder. 

And then finally, Wonwoo broke his silence.

“Jung Jaehyun is a mere plagiarist.” The younger said with fiery bluntness. 

“I’m not surprised he’s found a way into your cadre of imitators. And I’m not looking for a follower. There’s nothing less attractive than a man who copies a man who copies other people’s tastes. But I suppose I’m not worth anything more than that.” he laughed, playing with his fingers. Wonwoo knew that wasn’t true but found joy in making his misfortune satirical. To him, a relationship with Jaehyun was more ridiculous than tragic.

“Just because you don’t like their style doesn’t mean they have brought dishonor to the company.” Mr. Jeon barked.

Wonwoo turned his head around, looking up at him from where he had seen a spec of dirt on a white cushion.

“He has no business belonging to the tradition of great designers. I think the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas is better art than his Parthenon-style retail store. It looks like it came out of a store for knick knacks, snow globes for heaven sakes!” Wonwoo scoffed. 

“And do you know the worst part? You all think he’s creative. He’s as creative as a little brat who breaks every crayon he touches. The kid who splashes paper with paint and calls it art. Ha! I’d rather be forced to have dinner with a friend than a fraud.”

“That could be arranged.” Mr. Jeon laughed, tapping his foot. 

“You’ve met my friends Won haven’t you?” 

Wonwoo chose not to reply, turning away from where he had been shooting daggers with his eyes. Mr. Jeon spoke again, attempting to save Jaehyun’s reputation.

“He’s young too. Twenty I believe. And I know, it was obvious when I told you he went to your school. But it’s quite an accomplishment. I'd say it again ten times if I wanted to.”

“He’s too young.” 

His father looked undeterred.

“Pledis University is a prestigious school after all. What would you expect from one of its students? What can I expect from you?” Mr Jeon asked, voice becoming darker. His slightly wrinkled but angular face became dim in the shadows created by the purple curtains along the balcony windows. 

“What makes you think I want some stranger only because he goes to a prestigious school? I could care less about brains and what not.” Wonwoo said, omitting the part about wanting someone who could comfort him.

“Nothing made me think that way. I don’t consider what you want at all. It’s what the company needs. That’s what I have devoted myself to the most, as should you.” Mr. Jeon said pompously, not bothering to sugar coat it.

“I’ve already made arrangements for dinner. Tomorrow night at my estate.” 

Wonwoo hummed to himself.

“I see. Well. I can expect that there’s more to come than dinner. But expecting is the only thing I’ll do. I’m not going.” Wonwoo retorted, clasping his fingers together in front of his stomach.

Narrowing his eyes, Mr. Jeon tilted his head. 

“You will be Wonwoo. Don’t make me have to force you. I can take everything away from you just as easy as I had given it to you.”

The black-haired boy smiled.

“All you’ve given me is materialistic things that you thought would satisfy me. Just as you tried to fill your empty heart with women, you try to make up for lost time with me. As if I asked you to. You thought I’d forget everything you’ve done? God only knows the full scope of the horrors.” Wonwoo spat, striding towards the library. 

“Now wait just a minute.” the older man gritted, pulling on Wonwoo’s arm. 

“You’re going to listen to me and you’re going to listen good. This is the last time I’ll say it. You better not reject Jaehyun’s advances. You’re going to meet him with a clean slate and a wiped mind.”

By now, Mr. Jeon had rolled up Wonwoo’s sleeve to tighten his grip, causing his son to internally wince.

“Take everything away from me then. I’ve earned my own money too you know. My life is not yours, it’ll never be.” Wonwoo snapped, struggling as Mr. Jeon grabbed both of his arms and turned him around to face him.

“There’s something I could take that would hurt you though. Don’t think that because I’ve been distant with you that that means I don’t know my own son.” his father chuckled.

“How would you like it if I fired Mingyu on the spot, humiliated him in front of everyone? I would blacklist him, tarnish his image. No company would want to hire him. Their CEOs are all my friends anyways. I have the whole deck of cards in my hand right now and I could throw them all on the table just as easily as I could throw you off your balcony.”

Wonwoo’s eyes hardened. His heart beat quickly but his face gave away nothing. He wasn’t scared. Hatred for his father overpowered the fear for his own life. Would his father really hurt his company for the sake of controlling his son’s life? But now that he thought of it, perhaps being with Jaehyun would secure his father’s assets, leaving them in the possession of someone who he could manipulate and control.

Wonwoo didn’t like it either way.

“You can’t scare me. Not like you used to. The only power you have are empty threats. There’s more to life than playing your silly game.” Wonwoo told him blankly, staring into his father’s widened eyes.

“You fucking bastard. I’ll kill you.” Mr. Jeon growled, holding Wonwoo’s neck then flinging his body towards the floor.

Wonwoo tried to catch himself but he landed on the floor with a ‘thud’, sliding across the polished hardwood.

As the black-haired boy went to push himself off the ground, he was slapped in the face. The strike of Mr. Jeon’s hand was enough to make his head collide with the floor as he laid there limp. 

And as he laid there, drifting into unconsciousness, he could feel the weight of a hand faintly. His father grabbed his neck and squeezed it harder, like he wanted to glance upon his son’s face one last time. All he could think of was how familiar it felt.

“You may be stronger in the mind than I am son. But I’m more powerful than you in the flesh.” Mr. Jeon grinned. 

“I’ll see you at seven tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

IV

The area below his hair was sore when he touched it. Besides the pounding headache he didn’t think much of it. The purple and black bruise on his neck wasn’t anything makeup couldn’t hide and he simply thought of wearing a shirt that would cover his arms. It was cold out anyways. 

Jungkook told him to meet him at a frozen yogurt place near the boardwalk which just so happened to be the same place he had gone with Mingyu. But this time he walked in alone, like he was some sad widow reminiscing about the past or some girl who had been dumped and wanted to drown her sorrows in ice cream.

He owned a cat back at his old home. He supposed that made it look worse for him.

The place was as colorful as it was last time. The interior was decorated with painted murals, green walls, funny looking light fixtures cut in the shapes of candy, as well as a smattering of polka dots along the booths. 

Jungkook was sitting at a round table, giving Wonwoo the booth side as he was engrossed with his phone. The black-haired boy decided that he wouldn’t make his presence known.

He tried to stifle his giggles as he snuck up to Jungkook, hand on his shoulder.

“Hey kid, no loitering.” 

Jungkook shot up from where he had been resting his head on the table, catching up on reading some pop culture magazine. 

“Won don’t scare me like that.” he let out, clutching his chest, trying to look over his shoulder to see where Wonwoo was.

“Sorry but I couldn’t help it.” Wonwoo shrugged, coming around the other side of the table. “You wanna order now?”

“Alright, get me a fat-free no-sugar deluxe strawberry. Make it large too.”

Wonwoo crossed his arms.

“Please?” Jungkook chuckled, pretending not to know what the big deal was. 

“The only person I would cater to would be Mingyu.” Wonwoo huffed, only realizing what he had said once Jungkook gulped.

“Okay, anyone who’s lucky to be my husband.” the black-haired boy corrected himself, rolling his eyes. Jungkook followed Wonwoo as he walked with attitude towards the frozen-yogurt machines.

“Ooo, they have a coffee flavor?” Jungkook licked his lips. 

Wonwoo released a laugh. “Kookie, there are people who work in the back. They’re gonna think you’re licking your lips at them.” 

“Really?” the other asked, crouching down to peer through the cracks of the wall.

“Alright what do you want? Let’s get moving before we get kicked out.” 

Jungkook nudged his shoulder and Wonwoo winced, causing the former’s face to become etched with concern.

“You okay? I’m pretty sure I’m not that strong.” Jungkook smiled, although he couldn’t hide his curiosity.

“Yeah, I pulled a muscle recently. No biggie.”

Jungkook studied him with suspicion but let it go after a couple of seconds. They had their cups weighed and paid for, going back to the table where they ate in silence.

“So this is your first time here?” Wonwoo asked. Jungkook had his eyes closed, obnoxiously enjoying himself as he stuffed his cheeks full. He couldn’t help but see the similarity between Jungkook and Mingyu. Was this how their whole gang ate? He had the urge to want to feed them all, even if he wasn’t the greatest of cooks. His mother hadn’t cared for him, much less cook for them. So it might have been the motherly spirit which had lied dormant in her transferring it’s essence to him. Either that or it was some psychological thing going on with him that he had to take care of everyone because he hadn’t been. Who knew? He just loved the idea of feeding a family of his own.

“Yeah. I found this place online. It only had one bad review compared to all the other places. So.” Jungkook replied.

Must have been when Mingyu cursed his father’s assistant out of the place, Wonwoo thought. 

He did it again, Wonwoo scolded himself. What would it take to get Mingyu off his mind?

“Wonwoo are you gonna eat that?” the other asked, pointing to where the white plastic spoon full of melting froyo was stuck in the air between his hand and mouth.

“Wha-?” the black-haired balked, eyes shifting back to Jungkook.

“Everything alright?” Jungkook chuckled nervously.

Wonwoo tilted his head.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

In return, Jungkook gave him a look.

“C’mon Won. You were sitting there for a whole minute with an open mouth like you got brain freeze. Hey, I know you want to practice keeping your jaw open-”

“Noooooo.” Wonwoo said like were insulted, reaching over the table as if he were going to strangle the kid. “I was thinking.”

“About what?” Jungkook beamed, holding his chin up with both arms. 

He might as well have told the boy. There was no use in keeping secrets, nor was it right to withhold information from a friend who really cared. Sighing, Wonwoo relaxed his shoulders.

“About Mingyu.” he closed his eyes, ready to slap himself on the forehead. 

Jungkook, nodded his head slowly, eyes softening.

“I just wish he was with me. I can’t seem to get the thought out of my head. I could never imagine wanting to not have ever met him.”

“For your high mind? That’s saying something.” Jungkook snorted, trying to lighten the mood. “Imagine telling yourself not to think.”

“It would be suicide for me.” Wonwoo admitted, letting out a shy smile. He swirled around all the flavors with his spoon, looking down at it as if he were playing with his food at a funeral after party.

“Your feelings for him will hopefully pass with time. That is, if you want them to.” Jungkook exhaled. 

“But I mean, who could move on from true love.” he shrugged, looking out the window. Jungkook looked outraged, like the world was unfair.

The truth was, Wonwoo didn’t want to move on. Cutting Mingyu out was like cutting out a piece of himself. His conception of Mingyu; the ideal man and the hero, had become more embedded in him than any other thought. His image of Mingyu was more potent and stronger than his own emotions, as the mere smile of the football player evoked something within him that transcended happiness itself. Who would ever think of not wanting to have met Kim Mingyu? The noble knight of his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I promise you, this is the lowest point in this part of the story. Mingyu will be redeemed and you will all love him again okay : ). Thanks for staying with the story even if it's getting serious. I'm gonna get the ball rolling faster. Haha. Love you guys, you're all amazing and I appreciate you!
> 
> Mingyu's soul will be purified and saved I assure you!


	23. Agathon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guysssss Jaehyun isn't a complete jerk in this LMAO. OOO we also have some swearing and some vulgarity so cover ur eyes hehe. 
> 
> ALSO this chapter is really religiously influenced for me so you might see some religous talk heheh but you can skip over it. howEVER it's impossible for me not to think in religious terms bc my whole world view/'philosophy' depends on it haha. 
> 
> WONWOO WITH A CROP TOP OMG DID HE DO IT FOR US OR FOR MINGYU??? :) Obviously MINGYU. All I know is that I know to back off from Mingyu and let Wonwoo have him haha. I support him!

Getting up from where Tzuyu had her head on his chest, he rustled out of bed, not bothering if he was making a lot of noise or not. 

Tzuyu was pissed, glaring at him as she watched him flex his back muscles while he buttoned up a white collared shirt. It was his first day at the Jeon Rodolfo headquarters but he wasn’t going to waste half an hour getting ready. Not when he almost overslept.

He put on some deodorant and slicked his hair back. After washing his face, he moved on to spraying himself with cologne, hopefully drowning out the putrid smell of Tzuyu’s sheets that lingered on him until then. Not to mention, he took a washcloth and scrubbed off the red lipstick marks on his cheek. 

Mingyu had basically moved in with her for a couple of days but the time spent with her still wasn’t enough to make him forget about the black-haired boy he dreamt of. With how ‘active’ he had been with Tzuyu, all of the dreams he had of Wonwoo had been clear and pure, like she had been sucking all of the bad energy out of him. But then again, there were other - less sinful, ways to expel those feelings. He remembered learning about Leonardo Da Vinci directing his sexual energy in an artistic way. Wonwoo must have told him that, he thought. That little history-lover always had something to do with his life now it seemed.

He chuckled as he looked at himself in the mirror, wondering how Wonwoo would freak if he knew what he had done. It wasn’t like he thought it was funny, but Mingyu guessed it was a way to cope with things. 

Then again, how was Wonwoo coping?

He had probably already forgotten him. It wasn’t like he stood out among the popular jocks on the football team. Even at Pledis. 

All he had was his looks, height and muscle. What was the purpose that Wonwoo saw in continuing their friendship? There were a bunch of men out there that could listen to him and not fall asleep. Fuck, the boy was beautiful. Besides, he thought, Wonwoo always had S.Coups. Hell, they even met minutes before he met Wonwoo. That was already a good start for a friendship. 

All Mingyu could assume was that Wonwoo had gone on to do his usual routine, whatever that was. Wonwoo had Jun to tell him jokes like he was some court jester, Minghao to gossip with, Vernon to help in his relationship, Seungkwan to take care of, Jeonghan to confide in, S.Coups to protect him. So where did he fit in? 

Splashing his face again with cold water, Mingyu tried to get rid of the burning feeling that he was experiencing. He clenched his fists on the marble countertop of the bathroom sink as he debated with himself the usefulness of beating himself up. It didn’t matter whether it would do anything, he deserved it. He deserved to rot.

Yet the warmth of the water on his face and the steam clouding his eyes brought him to a place of grace and salvation. It was like Wonwoo’s so-called ‘God’ was reaching out to him. If only it were true. It was like a memory was knocking on the door of his mind. 

He remembered standing there, back against the opened wooden door of Joshua’s back porch. The screen door was still closed, but it had allowed him to eavesdrop. He stood out of sight, eyes as well as ears perking and going towards where that soft, deep and breathless voice was coming from. And it was in that moment that the universe rejected his stupid theory, invalidated his illogical ponderings, and demolished the unsound premise of his actions. Something was telling him that he was wrong about Wonwoo, about everything that he thought the black-haired boy had done with Jaehyun. Was it coming from his own conscience, or was it something else?

He didn’t know, not in the present moment at least. But he could say that whatever invisible force that had slapped him in the face was conveying a vivid memory, a memory that was clear as day.

Then, Mingyu heard that strong and sturdy voice quiver. A once in a lifetime phenomenon. Nevermind crying, Wonwoo didn’t look like he cried. It was the uncertainty in the black-haired boy’s tone that got to him most. Wonwoo? Uncertain? That flipped the whole world upside down for him. Just like he had flipped Wonwoo’s.

Mingyu shook his head, gritting his teeth. He gripped the edge of the sink as he let out a curse.

As if he was the only person in the world that could make Wonwoo sound like that. He knew he had hurt Wonwoo, but he also dreamed of bringing joy to his face again, to hear him giggle like he was child, curious about everything. What he would do to hear him sound like that again. 

Yet there was still a question begging to be answered.

What would he not do? How could he take back everything he did? There was no going back, back into those eyes, back into that heart. He was lost forever, but not in the dark brown of Wonwoo’s pupils. Rather, he was lost in the pit he dug himself; in the abyss he had searched for and found. At least, the abyss was an escape. An escape from the truth and reality. Yet perhaps the abyss was it’s own truth. Perhaps, Mingyu was incapable of looking at Wonwoo without wanting to mount him like some untamed wolf. Perhaps hell came early for him. 

He deserved it anyways.

Mingyu knew about the idea that the deceased in heaven could watch their loved ones on Earth. He just hoped it worked the same way from hell. Even if it brought a pang in his chest to look upon Wonwoo after knowing he had tried to hurt the boy, he could stand it. Pain was an earthly thing after all. It couldn’t get in the way of something transcendental, something more real, like love.

If that was the case however, why had he done all those things in the first place? Was it love at all? Or just a different kind of love, a twisted and delusional kind? Maybe that was the first step in the process. Maybe, love started with delusion, such as the appearance of the body, but then progressed towards something higher. 

Mingyu could only hope.  
Mingyu thought of punching himself. He had caused Wonwoo to think that way, to say those things about himself. To belittle himself in front of an audience. 

He would have thought Jaehyun was capable of that, but it turned out that it was him after all. He had ruined the boy and he didn’t even have to say a word.

Mingyu knew he should have been more astounded by Wonwoo’s confession, but he needed to hear those words in person. Yes he knew that he wasn’t in the position to be making demands. But he was more occupied with the fact that Wonwoo could love him, even after everything he had done. Wonwoo could have called himself delusional, but Mingyu called it loyalty. Yet was it blind loyalty or conscious conviction? 

Knowing Wonwoo, it had to be the latter. Wonwoo wasn’t some puppy dog. He was. 

Mingyu knew he deserved more than a couple of insults he had come up for himself, he could punch himself in the face, make fun of himself, whatever. But he could save the punishment for later. The mission at hand was more important. He simply needed to prepare for it.

Slamming the bathroom door against the wall next to it, Mingyu stormed through the hallway, rousing Tzuyu’s anger.

“Where are you going Prince Charming? Come back to me. I need you.” she whined from the other room down the hall, putting on her slippers as she slowly lifted herself out of bed.

“Fling’s over. You were a good fuck.” Mingyu smirked, fastening his belt.

“Wow, such a gentleman. You don’t want me to help you put on your tie?”

The football player raised an eyebrow.

“So you can get me into bed with you again? No thanks.”

“No, because-.” Tzuyu tripped over her words, dropping the playful act. 

“I liked being next to you.”

“You can admit that you like me. Won’t change anything.” Mingyu replied bluntly, not bothering to lay it down lightly.

“But- but- Tell me that you felt something. You did. Right?”

Mingyu wrapped his tie underneath his collar and fumbled with the end of it. His expression had gone neutral and he watched himself through one of the wall mirrors as he straightened everything out and buttoned the top of his shirt. He didn’t even want to answer the question but giving an answer was more to the benefit of himself than it was to Tzuyu. He needed to affirm that it was wrong what he did. He needed to accept and deal with his feelings. And if that came at a price, then so be it. 

“Please Gyu, tell me you feel the same.”

He exhaled through his nose as he glared at her form standing behind the mirror.

“No.”

II

Gazing up at it in daylight, the Jeon Rodolfo building looked even more grand and opulent than it had at night. After showing security his newly printed ID card, he was met by a boy slightly older and more dressed up than him. But funny enough, he had to have been half his height. 

“Hey. You’re the new kid right? My name is Jimin. Nice to meet you.” the blonde began, reaching out to shake the taller’s hand.

Mingyu’s eyebrow raised slightly as he tried not to laugh. The boy’s pinkie was a third the length of his. This was the guy Jungkook liked? To each his own he supposed.

“Hey. I’m Mingyu, and you too.” he nodded

“And, Uh, was I supposed to dress up really fancy or are you just wearing that because my first day is a worthwhile occasion?” he joked, pointing at Jimin’s black suit. 

The blonde boy looked down at his clothes and then looked back up at him as if he were caught off guard.

“Oh this? I just dressed up for your first day. The office is usually casual except when we’re told that Mr. Jeon will be visiting. But other than that it’s khaki pants and dress shirts mostly. Sorry for scaring you.” Jimin smiled sheepishly.

Yeah, like I’m afraid of some midget, he laughed to himself.

“So I’ll be shadowing you?”

“Yep. I’ll be showing you the ropes. But your first mission is making the whole department’s coffee run. You might need to make a few trips. You got one hour. Starting… now.” Jimin said, looking at his watch.

Mingyu’s face paled. But then confusion crossed his face. 

Jimin slapped his shoulder and stumbled into him as he tripped over his feet while laughing.

“Dude, I was kidding.” the blonde said, sounding like he was tired of everyone falling for his joke. 

“You thought I was going to be goodie two shoes and show you around the place like a prep-school peer-leader. “Yeah, no.” 

“You got me.” Mingyu huffed. “Now show me where my office is kid.” 

“Hey. I’m older than you. And just so you know I checked your file before you arrived. You got a lot to learn from me. High school classes alone won’t cut it in this arena. You need me.” Jimin smirked, crossing his arms. 

“Alright Mr…” Mingyu trailed, searching for the guy’s name tag. “Park. How’s that for starters?” he snickered. 

“Excellent. With that attitude you’ll get a promotion in no time.”

“Great.” 

“Now if you’ll follow me I’ll show you our workspace. We call it the base, you know, the base of operations.”

Mingyu nodded as if he didn’t know what ‘base’ meant until Jimin explained it. 

“What’s with the name?”

“Well, things can get kinda boring when all you’re doing is waking up to watch how the stock market’s doing, laminating poster boards and what not. So it’s a self-esteem boost sorta. Gets us through the day.” Jimin smiled, swinging his elbow forward like he wanted to say ‘I’m ready’. 

Mingyu didn’t look too impressed, much less amazed by the creativity of the name. But something had caught his interest.

“Waking up? Do you live there?”

“At the base? No.” the blonde dismissed him, swiping his hand down. “Sometimes I fall asleep at my desk and it turns out to be more convenient than hitching a ride home and having to pay to get here in the morning.”

“Huh. Clever.” Mingyu shrugged.

“Yeah, one time I couldn’t leave the room because the figures on my computer were flying by too fast. I hate to stay up the whole night watching them.”

“What happened if you had to use the bathroom?”

“Oh we just use bottles with tubes. We make them when we get bored. Arts and crafts right.” Jimin chuckled, nudging him as they went up the escalator towards the secondary elevator lobby.

Mingyu grimaced and was about to say something when Jimin’s expression went blank.

“Bro, I’d have respect for you if you stopped falling for everything I say.” 

“Well you should try being an actor then because you’re really good. Why are you here anyways?” Mingyu asked, indifferently skirting past the compliment he gave.

Jimin attempted to soak in what Mingyu had said for as long as he could but then realized he couldn’t leave the big guy hanging.

“The job pays a lot duh. Mr. Jeon might be a sleeze but he pays his employees well.” Jimin whispered, hiding his face behind his small hand. 

“It’s okay man.” Mingyu chuckled. “I don’t think a lot of people like him so it’s not like they’re gonna rat you out.” 

“If they get a promotion for it they would. Snitches get riches.”

Mingyu snorted. “Where did you come up with that? All that time you spent bored at the base?” 

“Yeah, real funny. Hell may have looked nice if you were a tourist searching for a career prospect. But now… you’re a permanent resident.” 

III

It didn’t take long for Mingyu to get settled in. He took a not too comfortable position at his new desk next to Jimin, reclining in his seat as he went over all of the information he needed such as computer passwords, the chain of command, phone numbers etc. To Jimin, he still looked quite calm considering it was his first day. But that wouldn’t be the case once Mingyu met the executives. 

When Jimin told him about how scary they were Mingyu shrugged it off. If he could charm Mr. Jeon then he could get on their good sides. Besides, they must have been lovely people on the outside, it was only because the workplace demanded that people be disagreeable and alpha-like if they were to be successful managers. Of course, that was what he learned in his psychology class.

Mingyu was glad he took it. Maybe he could climb the ranks soon enough. He could already see himself as the head of his own company. And to come along with it, people would call him ‘Mr. Kim’. 

He needed more of it -the aspiring thoughts rather than lustful ones. Perhaps that was why he didn’t see sex addicts going anywhere. But as long as he had a vision -although recently acquired, he knew who he had to thank for the job, who talked him into pursuing business as a career, and pretty much everything.

It just might have been the case that the instability that now permeated his relationship with him and Wonwoo could now spill over and jeopardize his status in the view of Mr. Jeon, and in the company. But he wasn’t going to make amends to it, well, at least not because he wanted to secure his position by apologizing to Wonwoo. If he ever were, he would do it purely out of principle, that was, if he had any. Too bad all that morality talk couldn’t have rubbed off on him. Instead, it had to be Tzuyu rubbing on him.

It wasn’t like he would apologize to Wonwoo because he owed him, or because he was ‘grateful’. He could remember how the both of them said that they hated the attitude of just being grateful. 

So no. He would tell Wonwoo that he was sorry because he wanted to say sorry. But he was stubborn and still held reservations about the matter. It was like he would have to sacrifice them for the greater good. Actually, he stopped himself. Love involves no sacrifice. He was not reluctant to apologize, nor was he unwilling to. If he were to apologize, it would not be for the sake of Wonwoo himself, but for the interest of his relationship with him; the bond that he had invested in. It was for the both of them, not for himself or others, but for love; that thing that transcended the two boys themselves. 

It wouldn’t be for the greater good either, because there was no other good. Wonwoo might have tried to modify that statement and say that it was God who they should do all things for and in his glory. But Mingyu only chuckled to himself. It was them and only them, no one else. Wonwoo may have been wise for his age, but he was silly nonetheless. Then again, maybe in time Wonwoo could persuade him to think otherwise. That was, if Mingyu wasn’t a lost cause. 

A sudden cold breeze in the air prompted him and Jimin to look up from where they were sitting and they instantly spotted the man who made it all.

The glass door strafed over the rigid grey lining that formed the threshold at the bottom. In stepped a polished leather shoe and then two long legs in loose fitted pants. 

“I wanted to see how my new favoritw employee was doing. Mr. Park hasn’t been making you do anything too extraneous right?” Mr. Jeon asked.

Mingyu granted him a smile, bearing his whole set of teeth.

“No sir. Jimin’s been showing me the ropes.” 

“Good, good. And you’re other coworkers? I hope they have been as welcoming as I have been.” the older man chuckled.

“Yeah they’re cool. I remember Johnny from yesterday.” He said, waving to the boy behind a computer on the other side of the room. 

“I met Nayoung today.” He added, winking to the girl and making finger guns. 

“And uh let’s see. We’re just waiting for the rest of the team to show up. Jimin tells me they like to skirt around office hours and see how far they can go without getting fired.” 

Mr. Jeon chuckled.

“You certainly seem comfortable. It can’t be because you know that I’m your friend’s father. You think I won’t ever fire you?”

Mingyu’s mouth went dry but the blonde boy covered for him.

“Sorry sir, Mingyu is still new to all the jokes.” Jimin smiled sheepishly.

“I see.” Mr. Jeon chuckled. 

“We’ll just have to break him in like a shoe.”

The taller laughed.

“Yeah I hate being the new kid but it feels all familiar to me. Everyone’s been welcoming. Thanks Mr. Jeon.”

The older man’s face contorted into a thin smile.

“No problem kid, anything for a friend of my son.” He added, patting Mingyu’s shoulder. 

“Now that reminds me, how is my Wonwoo doing? From the way it sounds, he seems to be suffering from a quarter life crisis. I’ve never seen him so bitter. I heard that he left school the other day, plus he didn’t answer his phone either.”

The older man stopped to let Mingyu answer the question but the taller only gulped.

“I was wondering if you knew anything about that considering that my son is very fond of you and would tell you. At least, I assume. Forgive me if I’m reaching across boundaries here.”

Mingyu shook his head, assuring Mr. Jeon that it was alright.

“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t even know, I uh, don’t know what else to say. I last saw him at a party on Saturday” Mingyu chuckled.

“Then would you talk to him? I’d like to know what’s been irking my son so that we can uproot it and dispose of it. We can’t be having any distractions now can we? His work is very important and cannot be delayed.” 

Right. As if talking to his son wasn’t Mr. Jeon’s job?

“Uh, I have class with him tomorrow. We’ll be working on a project together and I was thinking that I’d take him to my house so-“

“Perfect then. But, do try to keep it quick. Wonwoo will be very busy getting to know one of my subordinates.”

The taller’s teeth clenched although his mouth remained closed. Wonwoo couldn’t have moved on that quickly could he? 

“You’ve bound to have met him. He goes to your school.”

Mingyu pretended to look like he was processing the information.

“I know a lot of people are interested in Wonwoo but I didn’t think they’d be successful.”

Of course, not when I was in the game. But am I still?

Mingyu let out a nervous laugh, masking his jealousy.

“What’s his name?” he asked with a genuinely curious expression. Even if he was jealous of the news, and if possessiveness over the boy still lingered, it didn’t show.

“Why you little rascal you.” Mr. Jeon chuckled. 

“Wonwoo was giving me such a hard time initially that I was beginning to think you and him were together. I guess that was why I had so many presuppositions about you and what you knew about him.”

Mingyu’s closed his fist and he squeezed it with his other hand, trying to get a hold of himself. He wished Mr. Jeon had been right about him and Wonwoo being together, even if it made no sense.

“But anyways, his name is Jung Jaehyun. Ring a bell?”

No.

The younger man’s blood boiled at the name, his skin itched and his teeth hurt from how hard he had grinded them. 

Why couldn’t it have been some little dweeb who got lucky with Wonwoo? Why’d it have to be Jaehyun? Unless, Wonwoo was just that heartbroken that he turned to the guy, like a casual hook up to escape the pain that he had inflicted on him. He felt even more guilty, much less angry. But why? 

Was he angry at the injustice that a boy as reprehensible as Jaehyun could score a date with someone so pure? Or was he angry because he couldn’t have him, because Wonwoo wasn’t his? If he thought himself noble then he would have adopted the former view. But he wasn’t going to flatter himself either. The question then presented itself. Was Wonwoo doing what he was doing? Was he letting himself go in an effort to escape reality? Did he let Jaehyun do things to him that Mingyu couldn’t have? Was all this a whole man-made screw up or was it a natural accident?

A part of him hoped that Wonwoo had slept with Jaehyun so that he wouldn’t feel guilty anymore. But that was only a small part; the unconscious and dark side of him. The other part hoped that Wonwoo hadn’t, that the black-haired boy had saved himself for him and only him. As twisted as it sounded in his head, he still   
hoped Wonwoo loved him. 

By the way, he thought, It wasn’t like guilt was determined by external circumstances. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t be guilty of murder so long as everyone else committed murder. No, that was preposterous. Guilt was an independent response to a violation of his own values. And if he felt guilty, well, at least he did have values. 

Mingyu internally chuckled, patting himself on the back for at least having principles. Even if he had broken them. 

“I know the name sir. We aren’t really friends but we’re all buddies on the football team. I could get to know him more if you’d like, see if he’s right for Wonwoo.” Mingyu snickered. 

“Oh that’s quite alright. I trust my own judgment, thank you. Jaehyun is an excellent employee and a great partner. Hopefully, a loving young man for my Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo deserved it, he thought, lowering his eyes for a moment. Jimin noticed something had struck a nerve in him and was about to take command of the conversation when Mingyu spoke up.

“Jaehyun works here? I’d like to meet him again soon if that’s okay with you sir?”

Mr. Jeon smiled.

“I’m glad my son has such a good friend. Of course you can meet him here. I could bring him in now if he’s not too busy.”

“Actually sir, me and Mingyu have a lot to do. You know how much we are committed to our work.” Jimin grinned sheepishly. 

“Actually, I didn’t.”

Jimin let out a strained breath, ready to smile anyways.

“Joking!” the older man laughed, ruffling Jimin’s hair.

“Still learning from the master.” Jimin replied nervously.

“And you.” Mr. Jeon pointed at the taller boy.

“Try not to burn the whole place down.” he smiled, raising a hand to say goodbye to them both. 

Mingyu crossed his arms and smirked, turning to Jimin.

“Man, I can’t wait to be a manager of this place.” 

“Yeah well, Wonwoo’s off limits. You have to get the position fair and square.” Jimin huffed.

“Trust me I got this. I was the one who put him there in the first place. No other man’s going to take what’s mine.” 

Jimin was about to balk at what the taller had revealed to him but then a sly smile crossed his face.

“Except Jaehyun.”

“Shut up.”

Jimin scowled.

“You’re lucky I don’t know Wonwoo personally then or else I’d be talking his ear off about you.”

Mingyu grinned.

“That’s good because you’re one less guy I have to worry about.” 

IV

The Jeon Estate, or the family’s winter palace, was its own landmark. A towering but wide brick colonial mansion, it’s quartz entablature loomed over the entrance. Large and obnoxious ionian style columns held up the portico, resembling the propylaeum to a Greek temple. 

Speaking of Greek architecture, that was probably why Mr. Jeon approved of Jaehyun’s designs. They both had an admiration for the style, enough to plagiarise it. 

Wonwoo smiled to himself as he walked up the thin limestone steps to the rustic-looking black wooden door. He flicked his thin wrist, knocking on the door and peering through one of the glass sidelights beside it.

A moment later, he could hear the air being sucked into the entrance by the opening of the door, revealing the blank-faced majordomo. 

Gee if I were my family’s butler I wouldn’t like my job either, Wonwoo thought.

“Good day Wonwoo. Mr. Jeon has been expecting you, but someone else wants to speak to you beforehand.” he said with a smooth but snobbish voice, holding the door with both hands as he peered from behind it.

“Do I have to go through a preliminary round or something? How suspenseful.” Wonwoo snorted, nodding a ‘thank you’ to the steward who ushered him inside. 

“She didn’t want to say.” the man winced, signaling to his head towards the chamber that Wonwoo assumed the woman was waiting for him in.

“Thank you.” Wonwoo replied briefly, handing out a wad of cash to the man. He tried not to smile, nor did he want to become all gooey inside, but he knew that with his arrival it would take a lot of the tension and weight off the man’s shoulders. The cash was just an extra bonus and Wonwoo told the man to buy a nice dinner for himself.

Stuffing it in his pocket, the majordomo looked at him graciously. 

“Thank you Wonwoo, welcome home.” 

But before Wonwoo could be bashful, a sharp and billowing voice reverberated through the reception hall, bouncing off the marble walls and the checkered floor tiles. 

“Wonwoo.” it said with agitation, stinging him the same way it always had whenever he came home from school. 

He reluctantly walked past the entryway centerpiece; a cacophony of flowers and leaves that his mother always liked to show off to her friends whenever they visited. 

Leaving the foyer he entered the parlor room, a chamber with a fireplace and sofa that enjoyed the sun’s orange warmth in the evening. It’s large and paned glass windows were situated on each side of the mantle with white sofas and a red chaise. The polished brazillian cherry wood flooring did well to reflect the sky. It was something he always caught himself transfixed by whenever he had the privilege of entering the room. 

Spotting her back, he stepped forward extra hard to make his presence known, prompting her to spin around with a delighted expression. Her hair was raised high in a bun and she wore a fluffy white and pink dress.

“There you are.” his mother smiled, holding a purple-feathered flabella, a relic of the ancient Egyptians. He couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to start a new fad or if she just liked having something to wave around. She pointed it at him with enthusiastic surprise, but then as if day changed to night, a scowl graced her eyes and lips. 

“I’ve been dreading your return. I knew your father would need your help but I didn’t think you’d show your face here, not after you bought that quaint little apartment of yours and left.”

She shook her head, revealing the wrinkles on her neck

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you left. I just wish I could have ended things on my terms. But I guess you’re above that, aren’t you? You always thought you were an angel. And you wanted the moral high ground when you left us. Was what he had given you not enough? A roof over your head! Much less a hand-made tiled slate one.”

Despite her insults, Wonwoo looked at her with a formal expression.

“Mother, this is supposed to be a happy occasion.” he said firmly. Wonwoo knew a lot of kids his age whined whenever their parents made them do something. But he guessed his childhood was all about endurance. For that matter, now that he thought of it, nothing really changed.

“And I thought I’d have a happy life, but I guess I’ll never get what I deserve.” his mother laughed.

“Before you go on and have your fancy supper with your father who adores you by the way-” she paused for emphasis, “at least grant me enough time to vent all of my stress to you. If I’d taught you anything you’d remember that before you can have your joy I must have mine.”

“Well you’ll get nothing out of me.” Wonwoo snapped, finally losing his patience.

“You could say I was lucky that I wasn’t weak-willed when I was young, or else I would have ended up just like Bokhyuk and Seulgi. You thought you could damage me, but you couldn’t. I’d never let that happen to myself and as much as your words might sting me, they become duller with each day. Thank God that we have free will, or else I might as well have become insane for the rest of my life.” he snarled, holding his arms by his side as if he were about to lean forward and shout at her.

Mrs. Jeon only scoffed. 

“Yada yada yes yes I know, we were terrible parents who never gave you the time of day. But now you have an audience, an audience to reproach you. Your siblings and I, we don’t want anything to do with you, not after you gave up on the family.” she said with a disdainful tone.

“I didn’t want to risk being poisoned by the thorny vine I grew on.” Wonwoo replied, looking down at the floor as if shocked with himself for finally revealing his true intentions for leaving.

His mother didn’t take the moment to dig into the issue, rather she took it as another opportunity to attack.

“What loving words from my son. Of course there’s a double standard now. You get to say things to me and you get away with them. You left here free, you didn’t have to carry any baggage except for the hearts of boys who gave their everything to you. Just like I did as your mother. But not anymore! You aren’t escaping painlessly this time. Although you were such a nuisance as a child I still despair over the silence of the house. And that awful piano playing.” she gritted, holding her head as if she could still hear the sound. 

“Mother, you can voice your grievances in a more sophisticated manner at dinner if you’d like. I could even write the speech for you.” Wonwoo snickered, trying to suppress the heaviness of his emotions.

The woman ignored him, deciding that he’d reap what he had sowed at a later date. Revenge always tasted better when it was long overdue of course.

“No I’m not going to torture myself even more with your presence! Besides…” she said softly.

“I don’t want a bad taste in my mouth either.” 

“Then maybe I should leave then.” Wonwoo happily suggested, but he was cut off by a flick of her flabella.

“No, you are not dismissed until I say you are. Your father would be very disappointed. I don’t know why though, it wouldn’t be the first time he was.”

“If that is the end I-”

‘And here I thought we were free from all the stress, the ailment to our comfortable lives. But you just had to show up again. Do you still think you’re a child? It took us forever to get you comfortable around other people and now you still won’t comply. Have you learned nothing? Your father is doing you a favor by setting you up with that lovely young man. You owe him a thank you at that. And you owe me eighteen years of my life. Wasted!” she huffed. The sound of her voice had descended into hysterical laughter.

“To think it took us all those years simply to socialize you nevermind dealing with your constant questions, your obnoxious joy. I bet you only came back only to get that stupid old tiddlywink you always played with. Bet you’re happy now, using this as an opportunity to take your materialistic possessions.”

Wonwoo’s expression turned serious. 

“What did you do with it?” he let out quickly, tone becoming menacing. 

“I don’t know whether it would be more entertaining to see you uncomfortable with anxiety or to see you writhing in pain.” his mother laughed.

“Where is it.” Wonwoo said calmly, voice becoming strained. His throat was constricted and his breathing became harder at the sight of his mother’s knowing smile. His mother had that smile whenever she thought she had the upper hand over him. It wasn’t good news.

“I always keep my children’s things close to me. You know I miss them dearly. But with you, I made your silly tiddlywink my trophy. Well, you could say, my prized possession. I keep it as a reminder that I survived eighteen years with the most difficult child.” 

With the most deranged grin, Mrs. Jeon pulled out a small box from her heavily cushioned pocket of her dress, bringing it into the rays of sunlight. To any other person, it would have looked to be a machine of some sorts, like a thingamabob with all it’s wheels and cylinders. But to Wonwoo, it was his music box. 

Its golden lever and the sky blue base plate made his eyes soften. It was one of the only good memories of his childhood, when he needed the sound of music most to know that he wasn’t alone. He grew accustomed to loneliness over time. It was easy to when he was locked up in his room for most of the day.

“What do you want with it? It’s mine.” Wonwoo said, voice trembling.

“No. I gave it to you didn’t I? To calm down your endless wailing after we took you home from the hospital. The memory is still fresh in my mind, if I still have it.” she laughed.

“I’m taking it as a special tribute from you. Consider yourself redeemed if I could have just this one sacrifice. This.” his mother continued, holding up the box in her white gloved hand. 

Wonwoo swallowed lightly, looking at her with furrowed brows.

“If it means more to you then, take it.” Wonwoo nodded, still watching the woman with suspicion. It may have been warranted after all, as the cruelty in her stone cold eyes had not subsided.

“Anything that means something to you is a condemnation for me. This was a gift to you from me, but you turned out to be a curse. And now, you and I are totally free from this place. We are finally free from each other.”

Wonwoo gulped as her hand began to tilt, eyes widening as he realized what she planned to do.

“Wait, stop!” Wonwoo shouted, voice cracking.

But it was too late. As Wonwoo sprang forward in an effort to catch the music box, his mother was one step ahead of him. With a twist of her arm she threw it against the wall behind the sofa and the music box smashed into pieces. 

Wonwoo landed on his feet in front of her and scrambled to get around the couch. His ears panged at the sound of metal and ceramic clattering to the floor like glassware. 

Looking down from the torn wallpaper, he saw the twisted comb, the dented base plate, the flattened cylinder and shards of metal scattered all about.

“Now pick this up. You can thank me later.” Mrs. Jeon said indifferently, walking around him and towards the door. 

“Unfortunately I won't be joining you for dinner. I am going to the opera with my friends. And try not to anger your father, I can tell that he’s itching for a fight. I’ll tell him to go easy on you.” 

Wonwoo could only look at her with hatred. His face muscles hurt from the intensity of his pained expression. His lips couldn’t curl any further, nor could his eyes become more narrow with shock. He sat on both of his legs as he crouched over, attempting to see if the parts could still fit with each other, just like he had tried with his whole family. He laughed at his own analogy, and his misfortune. If only he could be a comedian rather than a philosopher. 

As he heard her footsteps become more muffled, he let out a breath. It was as if all the resentment he had for his mother had left him in one fell swoop. He knew that if he kept it in any longer he would have become rotten and bitter, on the inside and out. 

“Get it together Wonwoo.” he sang to himself, struggling not to stutter. 

He looked up at the ornamental ceiling, begging God for the strength to carry on. There were people all over the world who had it far worse than him. What was some old music box anyways?

Wonwoo dragged himself closer to the mess and picked out the salvageable parts, putting them in his pocket. He felt like a hoarder but he couldn’t give up the sentimental value that the thing had for him. It could’ve seemed materialistic of him to do so but the music box was not merely an ornate figurine. The very object itself linked heaven and earth for him as it did the material and the spiritual, the unholy and the holy.

He merely grimaced, clenching his teeth together as he tried to regain his composure. 

Then suddenly, with more force and clangor than his tiddlywink had when it shattered against the wall, the sound of bells rang in his ears, the bells that he heard Sunday morning to be exact. They sounded like the bells of victory, possessing the triumph of the heroes in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture, like horses galloping under a triumphal arch.

The world had not ended yet as there was still a world to fight for. The music box may have been his only valuable possession from his childhood, but his dream, his dream. No one could take away his dream. 

Wonwoo smiled as he clasped his hands together, clutching his cross between them. The metal wasn’t supposed to be cold, but he had neglected it. But now his breath touched it, and it’s breath touched him. And then he was reminded.

The sensation of pain was dull and fleeting, but his dream was a part of him. And if he could hear the blessing, the song of encouragement, the melody of life, he knew that it was out there waiting for him. 

While the pacifying fragility of his music box faded into memory, Wonwoo was overcome with the sound of wedding bells.

V

Jaehyun stood there, looking at himself in one of the mirrors. It wasn’t as if he was so vain that he was admiring himself. Rather, he was making sure he looked presentable -as if the plain suit he wore was good enough to warrant the interest of Wonwoo.

He wore a charcoal black Hemsoworth suit with a white undershirt contrasting with a black tie. He fixed his lapels and straightened his tie, all the things he wished Wonwoo could have done beforehand. What he would give to have Wonwoo do that for him, his beloved, wishing him the best before he headed off to work for Mr. Jeon. If only Wonwoo would come to his senses. He had to be insane not to agree to date him, Jaehyun thought, gritting his teeth as he growled to himself in the mirror. 

Before he could make sure for the tenth time that his shoes were tied, he heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching. It was coming from beyond the engraved wooden walls, cracking the floorboards and was muddled by the carpets.

And there he was, formidably elegant and exquisitely beautiful. Wonwoo’s elegance may have been intimidating and fearsome, but it was not demoralizing. His beauty may have been acute and fierce, but it was not violent or searing. The sight of him in his black polyester minky would have deterred any other man. But Jaehyun was no other man. Wonwoo didn’t need an ordinary man after all. 

Anyone who possessed that kind of power by their mere appearance deserved to have someone even more powerful, mentally, or physically. Whether it was well-thought-out poetry or warm hugs Wonwoo didn’t care. But Jaehyun did, even more after he failed the first time. 

Wonwoo’s glittering shirt was ruffled over his waist upon which a black sash wrapped around its circumference. The pale of his collarbone carved a triangular trench into his shirt, although only going halfway. Even if he was a boy, he prided himself in being modest. 

Jaehyun was about to bite his lip when he saw that gosh darned cross necklace, cold against Wonwoo’s skin. Knowing that the black-haired boy kept it close to his heart, Wonwoo didn’t look as scary as Jaehyun thought. He was rather like a tamed spirit, although never dull or boring, but… restrained and sophisticated.

It may have looked as though Wonwoo was walking on stilts considering that his legs were like twigs. However, the width of his thighs as well as the curve of his feet and ankles below the cuffs of his tight-fitting pants made him look all the more real and alluring. He was like a hallucination which one took pleasure in, knowing that the real thing existed. 

Then again, what was he after? Jaehyun thought. Did he want the real thing? Did he want the true, flawed, and blemished Wonwoo? Or did he want the sparkling trophy that stood before him? 

Even added on to that, the ‘real thing’ could have entailed something less figurative, and more vulgar. Of course, he dreamt of Wonwoo in a not so innocent way. Who wouldn’t? He thought.

Well, he paused, thinking to himself. A real man wouldn’t.   
He had to prove himself for Wonwoo’s sake, for the other member in their union. It wasn’t like he was pursuing knowledge of the institution of love itself, he was seeking the conquest of another person. And if he were to be successful in his pragmatic scheme, he needed to be a man. Nevermind the morality of it.

Wonwoo looked like he knew what Jaehyun was thinking and nonetheless was revolted by it. Although, the most he could do was lower an eyebrow and curl one side of his mouth. 

Shrugging off Wonwoo’s usual scorn for him, Jaehyun walked to the right side of the large table which was big enough for a banquet. Wonwoo leaned on his foot, following Jaehyun with his eyes before he mimicked him and stalked towards the older boy.

“Sit here.” Jaehyun let out in a gruff voice, pulling out an old Edwardian chair from underneath the white clothed table. He stood up straight like a Herald of Arms announcing the arrival of his Queen, watching Wonwoo with a dashing grin. 

“Thanks.” Wonwoo said curtly, eyes focused on staring at empty space through the gap in between one of the three pillar candles. Rose leaves, ferns and fake berries decorated their bases and dark blue glass-encased salt and pepper shakers occupied each end of the arrangement in two pairs. It was like he was in the house of an old widow, Wonwoo thought. But silly him, his mother was already basically that.

Jaehyun sat down, expression morphing grimly. The older boy waited for Wonwoo to break his silence, still staring beyond him and at the wall. 

“It’s nice that you and my father have become friends, or are you not quite there yet?” Wonwoo asked, eyes twinkling but still not focused on him. 

Jaehyun subtly raised an eyebrow. 

“I’d like to think we are. He’s like a supportive father-figure to me.”

“Good, good.” Wonwoo sighed, as if he wasn’t having polite conversation with the boy who grunted in his ear what he wanted to do to him.

“What are we then?” Jaehyun asked, genuinely this time.

Wonwoo froze, looking up at him as if he were looking up in horror. His mouth twitched as he thought for a moment, eyes piercing Jaehyun’s expensive suit.

“Never really put much thought into it.”

Jaehyun let out a grunt, smiling at his own embarrassment. 

“Oh really? I’ll go first. I'll say that we’re friends at home plate. How’s that sound.”

Wonwoo chuckled, although his mouth remained closed and it came out more like a suppressed evil laugh.

“Don’t let your aspirations cloud your perception of reality. What is and what you wish it was are separate things.”

“Right. I forgot you were wise. Although it would have helped me remember that you were if you agreed to go out with me.” Jaehyun chuckled

Wonwoo’s eye lashes lowered as he grabbed a lemon and squeezed it into his water. He let the moment pass for a little longer, fermenting the brown-haired boy’s curiosity.

“You see, this is where you miss the mark with me. Drop the act you got going on and maybe I won't push you away.”

Jaehyun huffed.

“I thought you would like guys who are the cocky type?” 

Wonwoo giggled.

“Only when they have something to be cocky about.” 

“There’s better ways to prove yourself that doesn’t involve smirking at me like you are something. What the hell is with that anyways?” the younger added, cackling as his palm held his chin and his elbow rested on the table.

“Worked on girls.” Jaehyun shrugged. 

“But you’re more than that, aren’t you Won?” 

“No. it’s not my responsibility to fix you so that I can like you. I have to like you first. Nor is it my problem that everyone in this world is so subpar. That’s their problem, and it will soon bear its consequences if it hasn’t already.” 

“So you want perfection, or nothing?” 

“On this world? Nothing. There isn’t anything that's perfect in this world, just as we cannot draw a perfect circle or a completely straight line. But we got the ideas from somewhere didn’t we? That’s why I am a believer in the perfect, the moral, the true and the just, but it isn’t here. It’s all up there.”

“In your head?” Jaehyun snorted.

“Well, that’s partially true if you consider what my favorite theologian Thomas Aquinas believed. But it is also true that all those things are in heaven. Never again will I worship an idol or false prophet. I’d rather get lost in the pleasure of contemplation than in the haze of passionate love. I know how destructive love can be.”

“Love? Or life itself?” 

Wonwoo sat back in surprise.

“I guess- I guess you need love in your life if you are to withstand the storm of it. But then again, that could simply be a metaphor for a good foundation, a moral code, and wisdom. Because, love can lead to all those things. Thus, I don’t think romantic love is the end by all means. I think there is something more to life than the mere attachment of two individuals. I think there is something beyond that, like the bond itself; the institution of love and the beautiful process that is its development.” Wonwoo said, whispering the last part to himself as he clutched his hand. His fist closed as if he were certain, as thought it had to be the case. 

Before he could smile, the sound of heavy dress shoes spoiled the moment, causing Jaehyun’s face to harden.

“Jaehyun! Glad you could make it.” the older man smiled from where he had entered the chamber on the left, coming to shake the boy’s hand.

“I hope Wonwoo’s been good company. He’s usually like our cat, nasty and elusive.” he chuckled. 

Jaehyun looked at Mr. Jeon assuringly.

“Yeah, he can be like that sometimes. But I still like him.” 

“I wouldn’t really know, Wonwoo moved out once he turned eighteen. I still have the scars to remember though.” Mr. Jeon said, putting a hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder as he walked behind him.

“Say, let’s get into dinner right away. Work builds up an appetite.” his father clapped, leaving Jaehyun to look at the black-haired boy with a slightly confused expression.

The next thing they knew, an entire contingent of chefs and servants entered the room opposite of where Mr. Jeon arrived. 

“Great. What are we having sir?” Jaehyun asked.

“Only the finest for my boys.” the older man replied, grinning as the help revealed to them a whole score of roast chicken and vegetables.

“Hopefully, there will be many more dinners like this in the future, if not solely between the two of you.” Mr. Jeon began, raising his glass.

Wonwoo only scowled.

“Jaehyun, I must say, from the minute you submitted those designs I knew you could be the rightful heir to the company. Of course I can’t entrust it to Wonwoo’s siblings, they are too incompetent and besides, they’ve found other interests. But you, you my son could be the king of the lions if you work for it. Forget all that stuff about anyone becoming rich so long as they work for it. That’s all nonsense. What you need are guts, and you have them. That is why we are here after all.” he said, turning to his son.

“Wonwoo you should be esteemed.” he grinned devilishly. 

The black-haired boy didn’t say anything, not wanting to lie or upset his father. He hoped that the older man’s derisive gaze would pass over him like a storm. He much preferred Jaehyun’s playful smirk to his father’s sinister stare. 

“Would it help your company and your financial position if I said it was?” Wonwoo replied, eyeing him over the lid of his glass as he drank from it.

“Then yes, I am.” Wonwoo added, cutting his father off before he could say anything. He sent a light smile towards Jaehyun’s way. The younger was on the verge of asking Jaehyun if he was enjoying himself.

“I’m glad you understand Wonwoo, although it wouldn’t have hurt to say yes and leave it at that.” 

“And compromise my integrity by lying? Thank God it’s not hereditary.” Wonwoo huffed, but before he could take another sip, he was paralyzed by the glint in his father’s eyes, telling him that he better stop now if he knew what was good for him. 

“I think you’ll appreciate Wonwoo’s sense of humor.” Mr. Jeon said, turning to Jaehyun.

“I already do sir. I think I can keep him in line. I could take him off your hands for you if you’d like. I know I won’t mind.”

Wonwoo looked at him with slightly widened eyes.

“No, really it’s okay. You can’t get on my father’s good side if you’re too busy managing me.” Wonwoo chuckled to himself. 

Jaehyun smirked.

“I think once we get to know each other more you’d be way easier.” 

“Luckily for you, I know what Wonwoo holds most dear. You’ll get to his heart quicker that way.” Mr. Jeon pointed to him.

“Noted.” Jaehyun nodded smugly. 

“So am I done here then?” Wonwoo asked, shifting his legs in an effort to get up.  
“Just a moment. I’d like to say something and I think you being here will make it extra special.”

Before a glint of hope could flash across Wonwoo’s eyes, and before the one butterfly in his stomach could take off, it was all crushed by Mr. Jeon’s blatant dismissal of his existence.

“Son.” his father began, smiling proudly at Jaehyun.

“I can’t wait for your relationship with my son to progress. I can’t tell you how much I’ve yearned to describe how great it would sound to call you my son-in-law. Hopefully… one day soon.” 

Jaehyun grinned in response, but both men’s heads darted towards the disgruntled boy on the other side of the table. The black-haired boy had stood up in outrage.

Wonwoo’s expression had contorted into the ugliest of ones they’d ever seen; jaw crooked, lips curled irregularly, eyes wide but narrowed at the same time. He looked as though he had been possessed by the Devil, compelled by some evil spirit.

However, he was lucky to have composed himself quickly as his father threw him a look of suspicion.

“Can I be excused, I need a minute to think. I want to honor this moment carefully and with serious reflection.” Wonwoo said smoothly, still clenching his fists by his side. 

“How thoughtful of you, of course.” Mr. Jeon replied, looking at him with unease. His voice had slowed but became more abrupt, although Jaehyun didn’t notice. He was rather preoccupied with how unsteady and fragile Wonwoo looked as he walked towards the reception hall and into the massive corridor that connected all of the main rooms of the house.

His shoes tapped the floor sloppily and he crossed his arms as he tried to hold himself together. Making sure that he was out of sight, Wonwoo cursed to himself, heightening his shoulders as he swore at the sky through the paned glass covering the ceiling.

He felt like he was indeed being tested, but after all, it was only a test. Wonwoo didn’t mean to deny the significance of life, or the realness of reality. However, he thought whenever he caught himself in a moment of hurt or despair the fact that life’s troubles weren’t forever. It didn’t mean that one should be passive, but it meant that Being was greater than non-being. That life was much more grand than the transitory state of sadness. And if his ills were the result of a complexity issue, then he would need to train his mind to comprehend it. Only then would he find solace.

Yet the question was always there.

Was life too complex to understand. If at any moment, he could give way to its stresses, like the leg of a chair snapping or a weak point breaking, would he choose to die? 

No, of course not. 

He would carry the cross. 

And as for the ones who had dropped theirs and put them on his shoulders, he could only pray for them. 

Before Wonwoo could make his way to a bathroom to check his face, a shout echoed from down the hall.

“Wonu!” Jaehyun called, jogging down the checkered floor. 

He hated when the boy called him that, but who the hell cared? Wonwoo wasn’t going to be cruel about it.

“Can I drive you home?” Jaehyun asked, regaining his breath.

“I’m fine thank you. Coming to dinner was enough of a toll on you.” 

Jaehyun shook his head.

“I’m not taking no for an answer, I never will.” he smiled, slowly reaching an arm out to hold the right side of Wonwoo’s waist.

Then why ask? 

Wonwoo casually looked down at where Jaehyun’s hand held onto him, wondering if he had committed treason. As Mingyu had laid his hand on that very spot that no other man would ever make the same impression. Letting out a breath, Wonwoo’s eyes burned with intensity as he looked up at the older boy.

“Didn’t you consider what I could take?” he asked, voice sharp and scalding as he tried to wrestle Jaehyun’s hand off of him.

“Besides, I never wanted someone who asked for my permission in the first place. What kind of unsophisticated brute would ask such a question. We’re human beings for Christ’s sake not robots! I hope you don’t ask to hold my hand or to kiss me. By now you should have been able to tell where we stand on those issues. And I for one don’t want to stand at all.” 

I want to be held.

Jaehyun furrowed his brows, following Wonwoo to where he had escaped his grip. The older boy placed his hands in his pant’s pockets, looking at Wonwoo as if he was his father.

“What the hell’s gotten into you? I just asked a simple question.” he gritted, fighting back the urge to hold his head in frustration.

Wonwoo froze, realizing the fault in his own character. It was only a moment ago that he pledged himself to avoid being cruel. He guessed even the angels could fall out of grace.

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo replied, voice tainted with anger. He knew Jaehyun deserved a better apology- he deserved a better husband for that matter.

And then laughed to himself. 

Wonwoo always wanted to get married young… just not this way. It all depended on whether his father didn’t find anyone better than Jaehyun. But from all the men he observed, heard about, and spoken to, Jaehyun must have been the best of them.

Pathetic. 

“I was only upset with my father over something and I took it out on you. I should know my own emotions more.” Wonwoo added, turning around to respectfully face the other.

Jaehyun smiled, stepping forward and taking one hand out of his pocket. This time, his hand ascended even higher towards Wonwoo’s face. Jaehyun’s slightly calloused hand cupped his cheek, holding his face like it was a marble bust, but with as much force as one would hold a butterfly on their finger. 

“No. I want to be the one that knows your own emotions. I want to know everything about you. Leave that all to me, don’t worry, okay?.” Jaehyun asked softly. 

Risking it anyways, the brown-haired boy took Wonwoo’s hand from where it hung beside him. The younger’s fingers were thin and dainty in Jaehyun’s. Yet they were lifeless, just like his eyes. 

“I’ve wanted to hear that for so long.” Wonwoo said, words escaping his throat. His neck shuttered at the feeling of Jaehyun’s hand and his voice quivered slightly. 

But he wanted to hear it from Mingyu.

He couldn’t look Jaehyun in the eyes, and so he looked into the parlor room where his mother had smashed his tiddlywink. He still had the shattered parts -although a little sharp, still in his pockets. All he could think about was Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake and how it was so relatable to him now in respect to its themes. Was that all his life was? A story which matched a piece of music?

No. It was much more. So long as he could still hear the music he knew that all the things he could fight for were out there and real. They just had to be won.

VI

Mr. Jeon met them at the door, preparing to see the both of them out. As delighted as he tried to be at the thought of Jaehyun taking his son home he couldn't help but revel in his own victory. Of course he needed to coerce Wonwoo into doing something against his will but in the end, it was like watching a lion and a tiger fight over the most trivial of things. 

Jaehyun clutched Wonwoo’s hand, stopping him from leaving.

“Where’s your coat?”

“I didn’t bring it. It’s not that cold out.” Wonwoo replied, not wanting to reveal that he hated puffy coats. It wasn’t like Jaehyun deserved to know what he liked and hated. 

“Wear mine then.” the older replied, grabbing it from under his arm.

Wonwoo looked at him as a tired worn out shell would, ready to refuse his offerings again. But then he saw his father glare at him in his periphery. 

Knowing better, Wonwoo crossed his arms and turned his back to Jaehyun, allowing the older boy to drape it around his shoulders. If it wasn’t him being delusional, Wonwoo would have said that the scene echoed the time he was with Mingyu after they got frozen yogurt. Like himself, the scene now was an empty shell of what was once great, even if it was short-lived.

The two of them stepped down the stairs of the Jeon Mansion with Wonwoo’s father following behind. Jaehyun held Wonwoo’s hand in his, telling him that the coat he was wearing didn’t allow him to see the steps.

“I’ll get the car.” Jaehyun said, jogging across the walkway of the front yard and along the sidewalk to a small parking lot covered by shrubs. Mr. Jeon had waited for the boy to disappear, manhandling Wonwoo to face him after Jaehyun disappeared behind the evergreen trees.

His father held him by the shoulders, like a loving father would. Only, the older man’s hands threatened to crush his son’s shoulder blades.

“You better not disappoint me. You’re going to give Jaehyun what he wants or else a bad date will be the least of your troubles.” Mr. Jeon said calmly.

Wonwoo gritted his teeth as he tore his arms away from his father.

“Careful Won. You don’t want to trip down these stairs and end up in the hospital do you?”

His son refused to look at him.

“Maybe that’s the price of getting away from you.” he snorted.

“If that’s the case, it’s much more then.” his father smiled.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun could be seen striding towards them, extending his arm to bring Wonwoo down the stairs. 

“Thanks sir, for everything.” the brown-haired boy grinned, saluting him as Wonwoo arrived at his side. 

“You got it kid. Just play it safe.” Mr. Jeon chuckled, flashing Wonwoo a knowing smile even if the boy’s back was turned. If they didn’t play things safe, there was the possibility that marriage might not be necessary if Wonwoo and Jaehyun were to be tied together.

VII

Jaehyun’s truck wasn’t as big or monstrous as Mingyu’s, but Wonwoo had to admit it, the vehicle had a homey feeling to it. He wondered how many people had the privilege to sit in the passenger seat next to the one and only Jung Jaehyun. 

Wonwoo sat in his seat as if catatonic, a ghostly expression painting his face as his eyes reflected all the lights of the traffic and stores passing by. 

Just as he was beginning to think he could get used to Jaehyun and take the moment of silence to reconcile their differences, the brown-haired boy reached his hand over the center console and on to his knee. They were at a red light so Wonwoo wasn’t that concerned about Jaehyun’s focus, however he needed an excuse that could shield himself from being at fault for not complying with Jaehyun’s wishes.

“Jae, you’re driving don’t.”

“C’mon babe, It’s called multitasking. I want to hold on to you.”

“I guess you’re not virtuously patient then.” Wonwoo said as he rolled his eyes. However, the feeling on his knee caused his stomach to twist. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be snuggled up against Mingyu’s chest right now with not a worry in the world.

“I said don’t. Things will go a lot smoothly if you’d respect my wishes.” 

“They’d go smoother if you’d just let me do what I want for once.” 

“That’s the easiest thing in the world; to do what you want.” Wonwoo laughed.

“Ever thought of taking the high road? Or are you only a one way kind of guy?” 

“Whatever Won, you won’t be this talkative when my dick’s in your mouth.” Jaehyun snickered.

“I’m not doing anything with you. You’re only dropping me off, that’s it.” Wonwoo replied, shooting him down with his hands.

“Didn’t know you were so old-fashioned.” 

“Well at least I have a fashion. I call it a moral code. And if you deny me that, then you deny the most important part of me; my own mind. If you really love me, then you’ll love that part of me most as well.”

Jaehyun sent him a flirtatious grin.

“Relax princess, we’ll just move the wedding day forward so we can have some fun together.”

Wonwoo thought of sighing out loud but second guessed himself. He wasn’t even going to entertain Jaehyun. Instead, he looked away from him and out the window.

“What’s the matter? Was dinner that bad?” 

Wonwoo shook his head with the strength he had left, still not giving Jaehyun the time of day.

“No, I liked it. I just wish that you were like that all the time. But as I said, wishing won’t make it so.” 

“So you do want to be with me? You know, if you care that much?” Jaehyun asked.

Wonwoo closed his eyes.

“That wasn’t what you were supposed to take away from what I said. That was your moment to shut up and act like a nice guy.” 

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes.

“Then when will it be your moment? When will you give me what I want?” 

Wonwoo smiled.

“If I ever stoop that low, I’ll consider it.” 

He didn’t really mean it of course, he would always remain true and faithful to his Lord in heaven, and to his king on earth. It didn’t mean he could’t tease Jaehyun.

“You’re really something.” 

“I know it. So are you going to dump me at the curve now?” Wonwoo said with fake excitement. 

“Maybe I’ll let Wonho and Changkyun have at it with you. How’s that sound?” 

Wonwoo shut up, turning back to the window. He had denied the other of having his share of fun, prompting Jaehyun to grow concerned.

At the next red light, the guilt had caught up to Jaehyun, for the car ride and everything. He looked at Wonwoo with slightly furrowed brows and a disappointed expression directed at himself.

Then, the brown-haired boy made a move for it again and leaned over the console. Wonwoo whipped his head towards the boy as he felt warm air against his neck, not having the time to react. 

In those seconds, Jaehyun’s lips met his, kissing him in the most precise yet animalistic way. The older boy kept one hand on the steering wheel as his other hand returned to it’s claimed space on Wonwoo’s waist, travelling further down until the other stopped him. 

Wonwoo’s pale and thin fingers came together and collided with Jaehyun’s cheek, eliciting a sharp noise. It took Jaehyun a few seconds to realize Wonwoo had slapped him as his eyes closed and his face was pushed towards the back seat by the brunt force of the hit. 

“Let me out now.” Wonwoo spat, looking at the other boy as if he wanted to strangle him.

“Fuck. I just wanted to say sorry.” Jaehyun seethed, rubbing his cheek. But Wonwoo wasn’t having it and his hand was now ready to snap off the door handle.

“I said, Let. Me. Out.” 

Jaehyun thought it was best to listen to him for once and unlocked the passenger door. Upon instinct, Wonwoo jumped out as if he had been kidnapped, slamming the door after sending Jaehyun a glare.

Forgetting about the coat around his shoulders, it fluttered in the wind as he made his way towards the sidewalk. He turned onto a side street to escape the view of the pickup truck, muttering to himself.

It was close to becoming completely dark but he was too lost in his head to worry.

He made it home eventually after walking a mile, not wanting to greet anyone in the lobby as he rushed to the elevator. 

Jaehyun had stolen his first kiss. How else was he supposed to react?

It was not simply an indicator on whether or not he had remained faithful to Mingyu, it was a symbol.

He had always kept in mind the power of symbols which had been used by the most primitive of early humans to describe the universe in terms of its existence and its coming to being.

Symbols were significant because they were able to explain what language could not always express at one glance. They shed light on the murky depths of the unconsciousness; the cosmogenic ocean upon which the ego first arose. It was the consciousness of the ego -becoming aware of its own existence and attempting to explain it, that led to the creation of symbols. 

Wonwoo was no mystic, yet he appreciated the artistry and thought put into it all. Whether it was the uroboros, Maya, the eternal spinner, the nine choirs of angels or the Platonic sphere, all were intellectual representations of existence itself. His first kiss wasn’t just embodied in a medal that Jaehyun had ripped off his neck, it was the significance and the meaning of his first kiss which Jaehyun had taken. All of the meaning that words could not express was gone. 

But he did not despair, it may have been a silly little custom anyways. 

Upon entering his apartment, he passed by the bathroom and the kitchen. He wasn’t in the mood to delay his dues. 

Reaching his bedroom, he immediately went for his bed and lifted up his pillow. 

Even though he was tired, he was compelled by the spirit of reverence just as he was compelled by a surge of anger an hour before. It was like he had been granted the strength to go on, to end his day with something good. 

And then, he began to pray. 

He didn’t forget to tell God to watch over his father, his mother, Jaehyun and Mingyu, all of his friends and relatives, and the world. He remembered that he would be seeing Mingyu the next morning in photography class, and a giddy feeling rushed up his spine. He shook in excitement despite trying to keep the atmosphere reverent.

Wonwoo looked out at the skyline of New York City, in awe at what the created creators built. And then he looked down at the beads in his hand, in awe of the uncreated creator. It was moments like these which he wished could last forever, where his mind was focused only on one thing.

Closing his eyes again, he devoted himself to the transcendental, his thoughts leaving the confines of the chaotic world of love and passion. It was like his soul was returning to the rational, the perfect, and the eternally true. Every night that he prayed, it was like he was given a break from reality, although not an escape. It wasn’t a crutch for him, it was rather a shoulder. It was at the end of the day where the divine would emerge, when his anger, sadness, passion and tiredness had been exhausted. When he was too tired of committing the same mistake over and over again, only then would he look to God.

And then, he softly spoke.

“Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,   
our life, our sweetness and our hope.  
To you do we cry  
poor banished children of Eve.   
To you do we send up our sighs,   
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears   
Turn then, most gracious advocate,  
your eyes of mercy toward us,  
and after this exile  
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb,  
Jesus.  
O clement, O loving,   
O sweet Virgin Mary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOO Meanie is gonna see each other tmr hehehe yayyyyy. 
> 
> Thank you so much for being so loyal you guys. I hope everyones doing okay. I LOVE Nicki Minaj's Trollz, Doja Cat's Shimmy, Lada Gaga's Replay and SOUR CANDY EEEE. I am also nostalgic for 2012 music!
> 
> AND JUST NEED TO SAY IT AGAIN: WONWOO WITH A CROP TOP OMG I LOVE ITTTTTT


	24. Eros and Philia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guyssss, I already have a lot written so I'll be updating sooner than before lol. Hope you enjoy what I wrote :)

Wonwoo woke up at six o’clock in the morning, getting out of bed in a hurry so that he wouldn’t waste anymore time laying in his bed and staring off into space. He went straight to his coffee machine, killing time by filtering water and grinding the beans himself. Even as he made it the strongest dosage in the smallest little tea cup it never turned out right. Maybe all he needed was someone who would get up before him and go out to get him coffee. It didn’t matter if he awoke to a cold pillow next to him or if the room was silent of anyone else's breathing. All that mattered was that he had his coffee.

It was barely six forty-five when he finished showering and getting ready for class. So he sat down on his sofa and tried to calm himself down. It wasn’t really much the caffeine as it was being socially anxious. Even the tiniest things as going to school -a routine he had been doing forever, always made him nervous due to some uncontrollable reason. It was ironic that the person who thought they were the most rational could be afflicted with something so irrational. 

He closed his eyes, putting the book down that he was reading. He couldn’t concentrate, not when it was the first time that he had ever not wanted to go to school. It wasn’t because everything was awkward with Mingyu now, rather, he didn’t want to be reminded by that man’s face. Wonwoo was still entranced by it, and he couldn’t risk compromising his own integrity by giving into Mingyu’s charm. Just one simple touch from the taller would make him shiver nevermind a simple and dry ‘hello’. 

He didn’t know how far Mingyu had gone off the edge with Tzuyu and he didn’t want to know. Somethings were better left unsaid of course. It wasn’t like they were getting married and were emptying out all of the things they had done in their past. Mingyu had no obligation to him, and it was the same way for him. But why did he still feel like he could fix him?

Was it the arrogance of his own intellect that made him think of himself like a shepherd and Mingyu his sheep? Did he really know what was best for the other or was Mingyu simply a tool for demonstrating how capable he was at straightening people out? Well, in this case, Tzuyu already had done the work for him. 

Mingyu was straight.

Logic entailed that he should have stopped thinking about the guy right then and there but his heart wasn’t always logical. Perhaps there was a chance that Mingyu was capable of liking him back. 

Wonwoo dismissed this line of thinking as a mere rationalization. His hopes and dreams had no merit. They did not correlate with the facts of reality, neither did Mingyu ever correlate with his values.

Despite the fact that Mingyu was a playboy, he still loved him. He never wanted a poet with sad little eyes hurt by the universe, an artist who’s frail arms painted his failed dreams, or a guitarist who wrote love songs for him. He never wanted a romantic, nor did he desire another intellectual. He simply wanted someone who could listen to him, someone to hold him as he poured out all of his problems. It didn’t matter that Mingyu wasn’t as interested in all the things he was interested in. All that mattered was the fact that Mingyu looked at him protectively and nodded his head in understanding. He never thought about kissing, in fact, the whole thing was foreign and unwelcome in his mind much less on his own lips. But if Mingyu wanted he would kiss him, if only to express how much he loved the football player and would do anything for him. He would cook and clean for him. And as Mingyu got home he could imagine himself taking off his husband’’s overcoat and tie. Mingyu would lay back in his recliner and he saw himself bringing him the taller’s food like a good husband. Never would he complain that his husband was a slob and left clothes on the floor, or if he ate more than a hundred men. If only Mingyu was his to call home then nothing else mattered. Filing taxes might be stressful, friends could come and go, his family would disown him. But he wouldn’t care. He would always have Mingyu to come back to.

He laughed at himself for being so desperate but it was what he desperately needed. Mingyu wasn’t the newest toy on the shelf, the box of cereal that he begged his mom for him to buy, or the newest car that was showcased at the mall. He felt stupid for being so clcihe, espcecially since he could write a whole essay explaining how much he loved Mingyu Yet it was undeniable. Mingyu was like the air to him. Without him, he couldn’t survive. 

Whether it was obsessive love disorder or the most intense response to someone that he had ever felt before, he didn’t know. 

Simply put, he didn’t want to leave the rollercoaster ride. Hopefully, the ride had only malfunctioned and he was stuck at the bottom. He still had many more hills to go over and many more slopes to stumble down, but maybe it would all end with him and Mingyu in the same car. At the bottom or at the top he didn't care. So long as Mingyu was next to him. 

Wonwoo couldn’t help but feel ashamed of himself. It wasn’t really because he was stupid for still having a crush on the boy. It wasn’t like he wanted to slap himself on the forehead for that. Entertaining that kind of debate in his head was like acting out the scene where the girl picks flower petals while saying ‘he loves me, he loves me not’.

No, what he was doing was completely contradictory to his own beliefs, the ones that he had sworn allegiance to. He was supposed to live his life in the glory of God, day by day. Whether one was a peasant or an aristocrat, they were to keep Him in their hearts. But all this time he had been infatuated with Mingyu, the man who he now lived for. 

He couldn't let the football player have this much power over him. 

Man was motivated by ideas, not other men. His life did not require validation from the ones he loved or the ones that loved him, nor did he live for the sake of others. He existed for his own sake and before anyone else could recognize his sovereignty and independence, he needed to recognize it for himself. 

Wonwoo looked down at the book he was reading, remembering a quote that he had just recently read over. His fingers clutched the royal blue cover and felt along the ridges of its engravings. It was almost like holy text for him and he couldn’t remember how many times he had reread the whole book. If anything, whoever he was going to marry in the future had to be familiar with it. 

Scanning through the tiny print almost gave him a headache but he found what he was searching for nonetheless. 

“To say ‘I love you’ one must first know how to say the ‘I.’ The meaning of the ‘I’ is an independent, self-sufficient entity that does not exist for the sake of any other person. A person who exists only for the sake of his loved one is not an independent entity, but a spiritual parasite. The love of a parasite is worth nothing.”

He giggled to himself at how foolish it sounded to have believed for once that he couldn’t live without Mingyu. That was what it felt like sometimes but it wasn’t actually true. If one let reason dissect and debunk his own feelings just as he had let Jungkook do on Joshua’s back porch, then a lot of things would become clear for him. Then again, some people liked to soak in the bath of ignorance if it meant that they could never be hurt again. Maybe that was what had come to mean Mingyu’s embrace for him; a protective bath of ignorance.

Wonwoo didn’t want to casually dismiss the strong feelings he had for Mingyu nor did he want to cast him off as some coping mechanism that his mind had created to deal with his past.

He supposed he’d have to wait and get to know Mingyu more, but what would be the point? All this time he wanted to get to know Mingyu because he was in love with him. But since that was now ruled out and Mingyu liking him back was out of the picture, he would have to be Mingyu’s friend for being friends sake. Nothing more.

He knew it would be torture and just as gut wrenching as someone who was rejected deciding to be stay friends with the person they confessed to. But people liked torturing themselves. They liked working themselves up as they listened to sad music. It wasn’t like they were cleansing their soul, it was like they wanted to fill their souls up with so much sadness that it would explode and they’d never feel sad again. 

It was almost as if sad music made people feel happy, like their sob stories were validated and reinforced by the sounds that made tears flow effortlessly. 

But then, he didn’t have a sob story. He had a story to write that was his own. No longer could man be merely a reactive animal, adapting to the environment, climbing up tress and hiding under rocks. He recognized that he had the power to fight back and conquer nature, rather than let nature conquer him. No longer could he be concerned with other men or let other men be concerned with him. He would not rule and he would not be ruled. His life was his own as was his own happiness.

Even if his mother had destroyed his music box, he would always remember how happy the sounds of his childhood had made him. 

The buzz of his phone brought him back to reality and he realized that an hour had already passed. It was like he had been in another world where time did not exist, only the eternity of his thoughts. 

Jun had texted him telling him not to bother driving to school as he would be driving him instead.  
Wonwoo’s expression broke into a smile and he rushed to gather all of his things. He must have checked to make sure the faucet was off three times as well as all the lights in his apartment. Before he locked his door he listened for any leaking water before shutting the door.

He didn’t know when the constant checking of things had started, but it coincided with the new sensation of nervousness that had washed over him.

It could have just been the coffee.

II

“I think you need to talk to a psychologist”

Wonwoo looked at Jun as if he had just insulted his mother. 

“What? It’s only a little crush that’s making me think all of these stupid things.”

“No, it was Mingyu who messed you up in the head by leading you on. I could have sworn it looked as though he actually liked you.”

No longer could man be merely a reactive animal.

“No, I’m not some kind of victim here. My own emotions are at fault. I blatantly ignored reason and logic and went on off my own fantasy and got hurt. I knew the candle was hot but I touched it anyway.” Wonwoo shrugged. 

“So there is something wrong with you.” Jun laughed, poking Wonwoo.

“No there isn’t. Don’t you think I know my own self to know what I did was stupid. I don’t need a psychologist to tell me that.”

Jun pursed his lips, blowing out air.

“Well you need someone to tell you that. Someone who can put you in your place when you’re wrong.”  
Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile at the thought. 

“Someone.” he sighed drowsily. 

“I know what you’re thinking and I aint approving of it. Maybe Jaehyun will be good for you after all, take your mind off things.”

“I guess you’re right. He is an annoying pain in the ass.”

“Oh so he’s big eh?”” 

Wonwoo pretended to spit out the imaginary water he was drinking, lurching forward with as much force as to go through the windshield.

“And you think I need to go to a psychologist? Minghao needs to fix your dirty mind.”

“He only makes it worse.” Jun snickered.

“Someday I’ll make you pure like me.” Wonwoo replied, shaking his head as he imagined himself waving a magic wand.

Jun sat back, shamelessly looking ahead as he drove them into the parking lot of the campus. As they got out and started walking into the building he looked at the black-haired boy slyly.

“But really though, what’s so bad about psychologists? Let me guess, bad experience? Or maybe you were the one that made them cry and not the other way around!” Jun said, looking proud of himself.

Wonwoo scowled, giving dirty looks to anyone that looked their way. Did Jun really have to make a fool out of him at the worst time and place? 

“I don’t like psychologists. Specifically the practice. I’d much rather write all my thoughts and sort them out on my own, I’m capable of it. And I’ve done it. I know that what I do can be stupid. So I don’t need help identifying the source of my problems. I just need a solution.”

“Which is why a professional is the best choice.” Jun rolled his eyes, slapping Wonwoo’s back.

“A what?”

“A professional.” Jun said, confidently straightening his posture as if he knew what was best for his best friend.

“To try to tell me what I already know about myself?”

“No, to come up with a solution.”

“So that I’ll end up compromising my own integrity? Pshh. That’s why I don’t like psychologists, they follow moral trends and they are mystics. If a patient is suffering from cognitive dissonance where their beliefs clash the psychologist won’t ever try to resolve the issue by eliminating one of the beliefs. All they’ll do is make you accept both, all for the sake of comfort and a peaceful state of mind. And I think that’s wrong. We all suffer and there’s no escape from it. I’d rather suffer with my values intact than live a way of life that I’ll reproach on my deathbed. I’d rather deal with the urge to commit adultery and suffer in boredom if that means I stuck with my principles. I don’t care if it’s too hard, life is hard!” Wonwoo said, looking at Jun up and down as if he were ashamed.

Jun raked a hand through his brown hair. He didn’t want to press Wonwoo’s buttons any further but he wanted to get to the bottom of the whole thing quickly, even if most of the student body got to see the usually calm and reserved Wonwoo become hotter than a tea kettle. 

“I’m sure there’s some things you don’t know that could be making you feel a certain way. I know your relationship with your family isn’t the best. Maybe your dad can help-”

Wonwoo held up a long and thin finger, silencing Jun on the spot.

“Hold on a moment.” 

“You’re telling me that my past has something to do with my present condition? As if I’d even call it that.” Wonwoo laughed.

“I’m just saying. You should also read Freud and the psychoanalysts. It could help you resolve some childhood issues.” 

Wonwoo’s expression contorted with rage.

“So that’s what I am to you?” he whispered.

“An amoral savage who is at the whim of nature and nurture? I am not the product of my parents, nor the rest of society. I’ve become the person who I am by my own volition. I wasn’t born a blank slate only to have reality stamp it’s initials on me, like I’m some sort of mindless animal. I’m not governed by my body’s biochemistry, heck, I’m not writing a book simply because a couple of neurons in my head made me do so. There’s something as mysterious as life itself that we have at our disposal; it’s called a will. And I for one will get to the bottom of it. Never will I substitute philosophy for psychology.” 

Wonwoo finished with a sigh, leaving Jun without making eye contact.

“Thanks for driving me and walking me to class.” 

As Wonwoo disappeared behind the door Minghao came, spooking Jun for a second before they continued to their own class. 

III

A couple of the cheerleaders in Wonwoo’s class smiled brightly at him and some of the jocks sitting at the ends of each row greeted him like they were his lifelong friends but the most he could give them were nods and pathetic waves. He already felt bad for blowing up on Jun, but he was grateful that it didn’t seem like the class had heard it happen outside. If anything they were already afraid of him. 

His carefree attitude remained unbroken even as he saw Mingyu sitting in his same old seat. Wonwoo would have thought that the football player would have taken cover behind S.Coups if he knew what was good for him, but he guessed Mingyu was just as stupid as he was. 

Mingyu looked as though he had something to say and that it was on the tip of his tongue before the room erupted in chatter once again after they were finished with watching Wonwoo walk to his seat. He supposed they did hear him outside after all. 

The football player eyed him like a puppy. He followed Wonwoo’s movement as if impending doom would fall upon him soon. And the most Mingyu could do was be remorseful. Beating himself up was always another option but Wonwoo didn’t even look as though he cared.

Even more so, Wonwoo appeared next to him with a grim expression, as if he had just gotten back from murdering someone, or wanting to murder someone. 

“Hey Wonu.” S.Coups smiled, looking up at him from behind Mingyu’s back. 

Wonwoo only smiled but it looked more like a wince. His hand came up next to his face and his moved up and down as if he were playing the piano vertically. It wasn’t a simple wave. It was an elegant one, fitting Wonoo’s personality perfectly.

Mingyu could tell that he was angry to see him. But he had to hand it to Wonwoo. His face was that capable of evoking that powerful of a response.

“Hey.” Mingyu said, smiling lightly as he extended a hand towards Wonwoo. As always, he spoke with friendly confidence. Yet looking at Wonwoo now -especially considering the status of their friendship, made him feel all the more deterred by his daunting appearance. Wonwoo wasn’t wearing his usual baby blue sweater, or his soft white pants. Instead, he wore a black mesh shirt made of sheer fabric which hugged his already defined and curvy torso. Not to mention, black and shiny leather pants. 

He could see Wonwoo’s faint but glowing waist just beyond his hand and suddenly he remembered why he dug his own grave in the first place. One look at Wonwoo told him that it was impossible not to look at him as a sexualized object. But it wasn’t like Wonwoo’s body projected itself that way. Rather, he caught himself trying to see between the cracks along the edges of the decorative images that were scattered around his chest and abdomen. If he stopped trying to find an area of exposed skin he would have been able to admire the vintage Victorian flowers that were stitched into the fabric, but no, he just had to let his eyes run all over Wonwoo’s body. 

Perhaps Wonwoo was testing him again, and if that was so, he had already failed the minute that he broke eye contact with the shorter boy. The thought had come to him that it only took one more step, his hand could easily grab Wonwo’s hip and pull him into his lap. 

If that wasn’t enough, Mingyu even felt like growling. 

Wonwoo looked down at him before grabbing a seat, making Mingyu’s arm lower and follow him to match his height. It was as though Wonwoo was noticing him now, like he had not existed before he had spoken. Two could play at that game, he thought. Now he was getting annoyed. 

Mingyu let out a quiet breath. At least Wonwoo didn’t notice that he was eye fucking him. 

“Hey Mingyu.” Wonwoo said, his voice light and without any meaning to it. It was like talking to someone who he was familiar with and nothing else. The smaller boy sounded even a little tired.

Wonwoo took his hand expecting it to be a handshake but who was he kidding. They weren’t business partners. Although, he could call Mingyu a con man. 

The football player held on to Wonwoo’s dainty fingers as if Wonwoo was an angel bringing him to heaven. Then he remembered that he deserved to go to hell. Plus, the look Wonwoo was giving him reminded Mingyu of where they currently stood in terms of friendship. Just by one look, Mingyu caught a glimpse of everything Wonwoo wanted to say to him, and worse. But Wonwoo was indeed an angel. It must have been the bad lighting reflecting in his eyes, making them look colder than usual, Mingyu thought.

“Alright class, I know you might seem unprepared but I want to go through an exercise that I think will allow me to assess how far along each one of you is and what you know.”

“Please don’t be a pre-test.” Wonwoo heard a girl whine from the front row. Her head even fell back as she groaned.

“I’m literally going to die.”

The professor juggled all of the papers in his hand, reaching an arm out to pacify her with his free hand.

“Now don’t die on me yet when you haven’t heard what I said.”

He went on despite the obnoxious laughter coming from all of the jocks in the room, especially the boy beside him. Wonwoo simply watched the spectacle with a blank face.

“We will have a debate!” the man with the tone of an announcer. 

“There will be two teams. Pro on the right and con on the left of the room. The resolution is: resolved that Europe would have been better off of if the Concert of Europe (absolute monarchy) continued to exist as opposed to Enlightenment-influenced democracy.” 

His monologue elicited a few groans and sighs but S.Coups clapped his hands.

“Piece of cake.” he said, as if he knew anything about history.

“Wonwoo you’re on my team.” the older football player added, saving himself. He stood up to come behind Wonwoo and rested his hands on his shoulders. 

Mingyu swore to himself, being too proud to join Wonwoo. The black-haired boy was already leading S.Coups to the left side of the room where about half the class had already gathered. Mingyu supposed he could have ran to the wall and got there first without making it look like he had followed the shorter boy. But then again, he did agree with the idea of absolute monarchy. He even liked to pretend that he was a king when he was little. So why the hell not? 

He made up his mind and proudly walked to the opposite wall, crossing his arms as he smirked to himself. 

Wonwoo better fucking watch out.

“Which side would like to go first? Actually- who wants to ‘speak’ first considering that all of you might not want to speak.”

“Or have the courage.” S.Coups mumbled, eyeing some of the quiet kids in their class.

“Who knows, those kids might pose a threat.” Wonwoo replied, whispering into the other’s ear. 

“I think we should let them go first.” he added. 

“I’m with Wonwoo on this.” a boy who Wonwoo recognized as being one of Mingyu’s teammates said. 

“Yeah, we need to give the brain time to think.” a girl giggled. 

“We give up our chance to speak, you guys can go first.” S.Coups spoke, stepping forward to challenge them even though it initially seemed like he was being sweet and courteous.

Mingyu huffed, still jealous over the fact that Wonwoo would let his face get so close to S.Coups when they were whispering things to each other. Now he was beginning to regret that he chose the other team. But when S.Coups listened to Wonwoo as if he had trusted his life in the other’s hands, it made him proud of his decision to leave them. Especially when S.Coups took whatever Wonwoo said as if they were orders rather than advice. They all put their trust in him, like Wonwoo had boosted their groups average IQ merely by being a member of it.

IQ, GPA, whatever reputation Wonwoo had he hoped would be demolished. He’d make them all look like idiots. They were all followers and he was a leader. He felt like calling them all little dogs while proclaiming himself the big dog.

Now all he needed was a mirror to look at himself in and his confidence would skyrocket tenfold. But having a tolerance for history as an academic subject was enough to fuel his ego, even if the leader of the other team could be granted the title of historian if he applied for it. 

Assuring his buddies that he had everything under control, Mingyu stepped forward, making direct eye contact with S.Coups.

“Alright, I’ll go first.”

The professor nodded.

“The chair recognizes Mr. Kim on the pro side for three minutes.”

Mingyu looked down, aligning his feet before crossing his arms and meeting S.Coups eyes again.

“If absolute monarchy still remained in France, the French Revolution would never have happened and a bunch of people wouldn’t have died. Also, there wouldn’t have been priests beheaded, speared and paraded down the streets. Oh and, thirty thousand priests were guillotined and peasants were forced to give up all their grain. So under absolute monarchy there is order and under democracy there’s chaos. Louis XVI’s harmless regime was replaced by crazy revolutionaries who installed a Reign of Terror which resulted in thousands of deaths. 

I yield my time to the chair.”

“The chair absorbs the remainder of the time. Those were very interesting and important points Mr. Kim.” 

The football player grinned, leaning against the wall and crossing his legs. He watched S.Coups scramble to consult Wonwoo, invading his air space like a pesky mosquito. Mingyu didn’t like it.

“What do I fucking say?” he asked the black-haired boy, shaking his hands in front of him as if he was about to tear his hand out.

“Help me.” he gritted.

Wonwoo’s eyes darted towards S.Coups from where they were set on the opposite wall. He wanted to give the rest of his group the chance to speak but apparently they were all watching him expectantly as well.

“Can I begin?” Wonwoo asked the professor and received a quick nod as the man shuffled his papers. 

“The chair recognizes the con side for three minutes.” the older man said, setting his timer. 

“I think the previous speaker is mistaken. He’s right when he says that the French Revolution was a product of democracy but it was not entirely driven by the Enlightenment. In fact, it was a-

Mingyu stopped him, cracking a smug grin. As the words were on the tip of Wonwoo’s tongue they were caught in his throat. The shorter boy’s lips pursed bitterly and he let out a breath. His eyes flickered shut and his eyelashes met his face, pointing down in seething rage. He wet his lips and bit them, holding it together. 

“Napoleon and Robespierre were both influenced by Rousseau. We learned that in class Won. Were you even paying attention?” Mingyu said, raising an eyebrow.

“Ohhh shit.” one of Mingyu’s football friends added, covering his mouth so that it didn’t look like he was laughing. The professor sent both of them a glare.

“The chair does not recognize Mingyu or Kai at this time. And language boys!.”

Wonwoo looked at his professor with a tired expression, wondering where he was a minute ago. 

“As I was going to say, the revolution was a result of the Counter-Enlightenment. Rousseau was not an Enlightenment figure, he belonged to the Counter-Enlightenment; a faction of anti-reason philosophers who went on to spearhead the Romantic Movement. If you look more closely you can see that the san-culotte, the riots, the Paris Commune and the Jacobins were all influenced by Rousseau in the respect that they wanted to confiscate land, abolish property rights, redistribute wealth and so on. The Declaration of the Rights of Man may have been an expression of the Enlightenment, but that’s barely a blip in the timeline. 

I yield my time to the chair.”

“Ooooo.” the girl from earlier voiced out, causing even some members of Mingyu’s team to laugh at their leader. S.Coups brought Wonwoo to his side, reaching in front of the black-haired boy to grab his hand and swing it. Mingyu narrowed his eyes, more upset by the fact that Wonwwoo took no amusement from the savage put down. How could he be so perfect? Not even a smirk or a glint of humor flashed across Wonwoo’s eyes. All of the noise in the room was blocked out as he suddenly made eye contact with Wonwoo, like arch rivals meeting each other for the first time. Even if he was angry, he would have stared into Wonwoo’s eyes forever, his burning passion keeping him invigorated and warm. He might as well propose to Wonwoo in his own humiliation and to Wonwoo’s satisfaction. Mingyu loved him that much. But he loved him more than that, so much more that he would fight Wonwoo and defeat him. Only in struggle could he find meaning and purpose. He wasn’t going to simply let himself fall for Wonwoo. Fighting it and resisting his feelings for Wonwoo could only make his love for the other stronger. He would let his passion burn for him, so that there would be none of it left to threaten his chances. Perhaps that was why he had the sudden urge to kneel down on the floor and propose to Wonwoo. For it was better to marry than to burn with passion. 

“Okay okay settle down now. The chair absorbs the remainder of the time. Do we have any subsequent speakers for the pro side?” 

Mingyyu’s group shook their heads as did the majority of Wonwoo’s group when the professor moved on to them.

“I’ll go.” S.Coups said, a determined expression etched on his face.

“The chair recognizes the con side for a minute and thirty seconds.”

“Okay so, I’m sure everyone knows how all the absolute monarchs were terrible at religious toleration. I’ll lay out the problems. One, religious intolerance led to the Inquisition in Spain, St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre and many other atrocities. Two, absolute monarchs were too dependent on the support of the aristocracy and ended up making the lives of the serfs and peasants worse because they allowed the aristocrats to have more power in exchange for support of the crown. Three, absolute monarchy didn’t work in multinational empires such as Austria or the Ottoman Empire because not everyone was represented in the legislature. And… I yield my time to the chair.” S.Coups smiled, pretending to drop a microphone.

The black-haired football player earned a light applause as some of the students were too engrossed in their phones. 

“The chair absorbs the remainder of the time. I suppose I’ll allow Mr. Kim to go for subsequent since everyone else is so apathetic to the political process.” the professor hissed. He looked at the pro side through his lowered eye glasses. 

“The chair recognizes the con side for a minute and thirty seconds.”

“Alright so the previous speaker mentioned how Austria wasn’t able to successfully rule its people. But the emperor was able to compromise with the Hungarians, he annexed Ottoman territory, and he successfully carved out a part of Poland so I’d say that absolute monarchy looks pretty good to me. Plus, because Poland lacked a powerful King they were invaded by Russia and Prussia as well. So…” Mingyu finished, looking at S.Coups as if he felt sorry for him. 

“Get wrecked.” the football player pointed at S.Coups. 

“You just got burned boi.” Kai let out, making sure that he didn’t swear.

The professor coughed.

“Oh yeah and I yield my time to the chair.” Mingyu grinned. This time he pointed at the older man with both fingers as he walked away.

“Can the chair please enter the speaker’s last line into the record please.” Wonwoo snickered.

S.Coups shook his head.

“Yeah he better have been recording.” 

The professor sighed, adjusting his glasses.

“Are there any more subsequent speakers?”

“Me!” Wonwoo answered enthusiastically, resting his hands on his hips as he waited to be given the go ahead. 

“The chair-”

“Hey that’s not fair. The con side can’t have more subsequent speakers than the pro.” Mingyu objected.

“Why do I even bother at this point?” the professor muttered.

“Decorum, decorum!” he called, attempting to silence the chatter in the room. Yet the deliberation between the students, the taunts, and the playful exchanges continued.

“Decorum! Order! Abracadabra!” the older man tried again. He was only about an inch close to yelling ‘fire’. 

At last S.Coups ended his tirade about Mingyu interrupting Wonwoo and let the rest of the room catch on. 

“The chair- “ the man started again, raising a finger. “will now recognize Wonwoo for a minute and thirty seconds.” 

Wonwoo nodded.

“Thank you Mr. chair. I would just like to make a correction. Forgive me if I am being theatrical. However I must point out that the previous speaker’s criticism of Poland’s weak king and overpowered legislature is in no way the fault of Enlightenment-influenced democracy. It was Montesquieu, the French political philosopher who argued for the separation of powers otherwise known as checks and balances. It wasn’t that those things did not exist prior, however, in Poland’s case, its Sejm or parliament had too many checks on the king’s power. Thus, there was no balance. In fact, this leads to an even bigger problem. Not only does too many checks and balances lead to stagnation as what happened with the Liberum Veto, but they also lead to a bloated bureaucracy which was the case with Louis XIV’s intendants and commissaires who were pressed with overseeing France’s territories or généralités. If not France. take the Roman Empire as an example. The proof’s in the pudding.”

“Okay but what if you don’t need checks and balances? What if the King is just that good that all the people like him. Maybe he could be a common man or an aristocrat. Doesn’t aristocracy mean ‘rule by the excellent’ Professor?” Mngyu asked, as if he hadn’t interrupted the guy.

“Yes. It does Mr. Kim.”

“Well there you have it.” Mingyu said, splaying his arms out like he couldn’t give Wonwoo anything else.

“I think your argument is too abstract and theoretical. We have to be wary about utopian visions. It didn’t work with the utopian socialists, Plato’s so-called vision of the Philosopher King, nor did it work with Marx. The aristocrat might be more virtuous than the individual common man, or the common man all gathered together might be more virtuous than the individual aristocrat. But! Power still corrupts.

Whoever believes that the life and liberty of individuals should be sacrificed to the state, is or wants to be the state. It doesn’t matter how the principles and powers of absolute monarchy are applied because the principles and power in the crown is corrupt. It doesn’t matter if the king came from the common people, or was a noble aristocrat. No amount of virtue and excellence can go unblemished by the power of the throne.”

Wonwoo noticed Mingyu huff, unsatisfied by his response. Although, Mingyu struggled to formulate his own response as his mind would almost become filled with the view of Wonwoo in that black mesh shirt of his.

“What, you think you could be the King.” Wonwoo asked mockingly.

Mingyu grinned.

“I think I could do a good job. You know, putting down those rebels. I’d be a great leader for the people.” the football player replied, lifting one of his arms a little higher than the other as his hand held on to his bicep. It was a subconscious action but that didn’t take away from its effect. It was as if Mingyu was displaying his power for the other, causing Wonwoo’s expression to become unsettled. 

He questioned the subliminal move. 

Was it for deterrence, or attraction?

“How do you know power won’t corrupt you?” Wonwoo asked. The class then noticed how close Mingyu and Wonwoo had got to each other then. A few more steps and Mingyu would have been breathing down the front of Wonwoo’s neck.

“C’mon, have a little faith in me Won. You think I couldn’t handle it?” the taller raised an eyebrow, still smirking with his arms crossed.

“That’s what power does.” the other pressed, narrowing his eyes.

“Wonwoo that’s enough.” the professor called. “Please refer to each other in the third person.”

Mingyu jeered at him with a nod of his head and a derisive smile crossed his face. The taller boy was putting on one hell of an act as he tried not to fall in love with Wonwoo’s fighting spirit again. The black-haired boy had such a passion for knowledge that it was impossible to stop him, except when the professor interrupted them.

“You’re welcome Mingyu.” the older man muttered from his desk. “I just saved you from being torn apart.”

“The chair will now recognize closing statements from the pro side. Three minutes.”

Mingyu craned his head back, offering the chance to speak to the rest of the group. Either they were too scared or they just didn’t care.

“All I’ll say is that if the absolute monarchies stayed in power then none of these revolutions could have killed as many people as they did. The communists wouldn’t have risen to power, the fascists wouldn’t have either because there would be a King instead of a dictator. And the King wouldn’t be just some man off the street. He would be well-educated and would have advisors. In Poland and in England, whenever the legislative branch was given more power there were always problems. Isn’t that why Thomas Hobbes supported absolute monarchy? There was a lot of civil war. With absolute monarchy there won’t be any chaos and the united country could defend itself under one ruler who knows best. Democracy doesn’t work because the mob controls the country as what happened in France and Russia. Boom, there you go.” Mingyu smirked. 

“Oh and I yield my time to the chair.” he nodded, raising his arm to wave as he made his exit off the debating ‘stage’.

“The chair absorbs the remainder of the time and recognizes Wonwoo as the closing speaker for the con side.”

Wonwoo cleared his throat, still touching his chin as he tried to decide on which point to start with. But then, he might as well jump in with a cannonball rather than get himself all tangled up with trying to put things lightly.

“I think the previous speaker’s premises are wrong and thus I totally disagree with his conclusions. First, he subtly begins with the axiom that human nature is inherently chaotic and that the individual does not possess the capacity to use reason. This, I think, is a very important fact because it explains why he refers to Thomas Hobbes and detests Rousseau as much. Indeed Rousseau is no friend to Enlightened democracy however one must not automatically gravitate to the opposite end of the spectrum by default. I think the government of Poland and France in a few moments in its history have made the same mistake. They did not promote the ideal of republican government as Britain had. Instead, their focus was merely in opposition to absolute monarchy. Hence they fell. 

Democracy had been around since the time of the ancient Greeks and it was only until Rome established a republic that democracy as a form of government had been improved. If you want to know further, read Polybius. 

I agree with the speaker that democracy in itself is not the ideal form of government but I disagree that it is absolute monarchy. In a republic, there is no mob rule and there is no tyranny of the majority because representatives are elected through an electoral college. Republics have so much freedom that it is impossible for there to be a dominant party because freedom entails freedom of thought, and freedom of thought leads to a plethora of factions none of which could take over the country. However, even if there is political stagnation it would not have an effect on the people because in a republic the government’s powers are so limited that public policy would not infringe on peoples’ private lives. 

In Herodotus’s “The Histories” Book 3 Chapter 83, he recounts the story of a Persian king named Otanes who, when deciding the fate of Persia with the other kings said, ‘I have neither a mind to rule nor be ruled.’ and he withdrew himself from the conference. See, this is the essence of a free society, no one can rule over others and no one shall be ruled. Now I don’t mean to endorse anarchy as that would amount to true chaos. Rather, the sole responsibility of a republic is the protection of its citizens rights. 

I think Aristotle sums it up best with democracy when he says that in a direct democracy: all rule all. And- that might sound nice but really the idea is evil and it has catastrophic implications. I hold that it is completely immoral for a man to rule another man because it violates his right to his own life. Thus, I stand with the form of government that does not grant it’s citizens rights but protects it’s citizens rights. Rights are not a creation or a gift of the monarch. Man does not derive his value from a higher power. He is born with it. 

My most favorite quote will always be this: ‘Man needs no warrant upon his being nor word of sanction upon his being, he is the warrant and the sanction.

I yield my time to the chair.”

The professor, having ignored the timer just so that he could continue listening to Wonwoo speak snapped out of his trance at the sound of clapping. 

“Show off.” Mingyu muttered, watching S.Coups hug Wonwoo and curl his arms around his hips. S.Coups face was only a centimeter away from being flat on Wonwoo’s stomach. The con side’s speaker looked so small and frail above S.Coups bulkier figure which had encircled him. 

As the professor announced that it was time to vote. Mingyu didn’t even bother worrying whether he’d look like a fool or not. He still couldn’t get over the fact that S.Coups was looking at Wonwoo as if he was their prize; something that belonged to their team. But in reality, Wonwoo was his only, his to rule over. His body, his mind, everything. He saw how Wonwoo reacted when he had flexed in front of him.  
Wonwoo might be able to run his passionate little mouth but Mingyu knew he could shut him up with one look. It was almost as if Wonwoo was already his. 

So, he didn’t really care when half his team seceded and voted for the other team as winners, or when Wonwoo got the ‘best speaker’ title. Because he knew. Wonwoo wouldn’t be laughing when the tables had turned. 

Wonwoo was swarmed by his classmates whether they were fellow nerds adding commentary that they had been too afraid to voice before, or athletes that were drawn in by his ability to go toe to toe with Mingyu in terms of confidence. All in all, they didn’t know whether to be afraid of him or exalt him as his polarizing character was so unpredictable that he could transition from a leopard to a kitten at a moment’s notice. Well, a slightly irritable kitten.

Meanwhile, S.Coups walked over to him just as the bell rang, patting Mingyu on the back.

“It’s alright big guy. We’ll all have our asses handed to us by Wonwoo once in our lifetimes.”

Mingyu grabbed the edge of the other’s shouldering, giving him a warning grip.

“It’s not over yet, I still have business with him.” 

“Oh yeah, you have to apologize to him for something. I forgot.” 

Mingyu’s face changed to astonishment.

“Wait what, how did you know?”

“You were one of the only people who he was with at the party. Which… was the last time I saw both of you guys together and you guys aren’t hard to separate, believe me.”

“Bro still, that isn’t saying anything.”

“Hmm okay. I know it was Jungkook because he was the one who drove him home-”

“Jungkook? What the fuck does he have anything to do with Wonu? Mingyu gritted, keeping his voice quiet as the black-haired boy gracefully walked by. The debating prodigy waved at S.Coups and was trailed closely by Kai who had become lax and even more shameless. Now that everyone knew what Mingyu had done with Tzuyu, the boys on his team seemed to have gotten the idea that Wonwoo was on the market again. Mingyu wondered if Sehun -the most self-controlled member of the team and his new buddy, would be able to resist the opportunity. Maybe he’d finally get those math tutoring sessions he had asked Wonwoo for. But of course, who was Mingyu to judge? He himself fell prey to lust and desire. But it didn’t mean what he would fight for was suddenly invalidated.

“Yeah, he took him home. I guess they knew each other before but became good friends all of a sudden. You know, since you were off with Tzuyu.”

Mingyu suppressed the urge to punch S.Coups for reminding him that he was a jerk. 

“Well, what are all the other reasons you ruled out?”

“There’s Jaehyun. But I don’t think Wonwoo could give two shits about him. At least, enough to get upset. I mean, Jaehyun has no effect on him.

“I hope.” Mingyu cursed under his breath.

“What do you mean? You’re not jealous are you. It’s not like Wonwoo likes him back.”

“What the fuck are you on about Coups. I’m only watching out for my friend. I- uh- I still hope he is my friend. I’ve given him enough of a reason to not be.” 

S.Coups exhaled.

“Look, I’m not trying to make you feel like a bad friend. I want to see you guys back together-”

S.Coups stopped at the sight of Mingyu ducking his head, trying to hide his blush. He would have laughed as he had never seen the taller blush before. Even the prettiest girls in highschool who swooned over him couldn’t make him do so. 

From that moment on S.Coups knew that there was more between Mingyu and Wonwoo than a few words that were said. There was a gulf between them, yes. But that would have never happened if they were only friends. They were more than that. 

Mingyu had shown a tiny glimpse of his true self when Wonwoo had been mentioned. It was rare even among Mingyu’s best pals to see the soft side of him. If only he knew more then he could help. However, that depended on how much Mingyu was willing to tell him. 

“Whatever man, I’ll figure something out.” Mingyu nodded, acknowledging S.Coups’s concerns. The taller boy wrapped an arm around the other’s shoulder, leading him out into the hall. 

IV

Wonwoo left class early, wanting to intercept Jun before lunch time came. He remembered how sorry he felt that Mingyu had lost the debate by a large margin and he scorned all of the traitors that left his group. It was at that moment that Wonwoo wanted to punish himself. How could he feel sorry for someone who had been so callous with his feelings and who had the gall to insult him? And yet, he couldn’t even have the same sentiment towards Jun. Jun had been his best friend and he barely even knew Mingyu. 

He was right, love made everything irrational.

Or was it his own fault?

All of the questions racing through his mind ceased as he spotted Jun emerging from the hole in the wall that was his classroom. Dashing towards him, Wonwoo caught his best friend off guard by giving him a playful push on his side.

Jun turned to look at him, his expression slightly amused but slightly neutral. Wonwoo could tell that the boy was still deliberating with himself whether he should grant the other a reply or pat his back.

“Jun, I know you’re probably mad at me, and I understand. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. You’ve always been my best friend. Heck, I would apologize to you even if I ended up degrading myself in the process.” Wonwoo laughed, hoping that it would reach the other’s ears. Wonwoo did indeed have a lot of pride. As much as it felt foreign on his tongue to apologize, he brought himself to it. It felt almost as foreign as lying.

“I might have been mad for a second but I’m fine now. I uh- I should be the one to apologize. I think I was kind of careless when I told you that you needed professional help right off the bat instead of listening to what you had to say. I know this sounds like an excuse but I really care about you Won and I don’t want you getting all messed up in the head because of some douchebag. But, I don’t think you are. And it was worse for me to assume that you were. I’m sorry.” 

“No, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself. I’ve known you for a long time now that nothing you do requires an explanation. But I’ll never take what you have to say for granted.” 

Jun gave him a smile, puffing out his cheeks.

“I want a hug Wonu. Things will be awkward if we don’t hug.”

“I-

“C’mon. This is like the first time we hugged in like… years.” 

“Okay.” Wonwoo smiled in defeat, looking down at his feet as his head met Jun’s shoulder. Jun’s warmth felt nice and his arms made him feel secure, but they were only physical sensations. There wasn’t anything else to them. He couldn’t help but imagine what Mingyu’s arms would feel like, but not simply that. Rather, the feeling that they would invoke within his soul. The body was one thing, but the soul was on a whole other level. In fact, the philosopher Anton Wilhelm Amo, inspired by the Akan metaphysics of his homeland of Ghana, maintained that one feels pain with the flesh and not with the mind. Amo had pointed out the logical inconsistencies with the French philosopher Rene Descartes proposition that the mind was passive and could receive sensations. Unfortunately, his work had been ignored and the implications were disastrous. Descartes went onto influence the Prussian, Immanuel Kant, the man who invalidated the human mind by claiming that it was an active entity that imposed structure on the world to make it intelligible. Kant also held that sensations were a creation of the mind and that sense-experience did not connect the experiencer to true reality and knowledge. What resulted was the destruction of man’s mind and his rational faculty which led to his successors going on to denounce logic and reason. Their solutions for understanding reality came either in two forms of subjectivism: that there was no reality, or that there was a reality but it couldn’t be understood without emotions and intuition. Both, he thought, were equally misguided.

Kant then went on to create a morality of altruism and establish a code of duty ethics which culminated into fascism and communism, whether it occurred in Italy, Germany or Russia. It had demanded that men do things solely from duty so much so that kindness was not permissible because kindness entailed that the charitable person was charitable because they wanted to feel good. One could not derive pleasure from doing good Kant thought because that would mean the person was acting selfishly. The ‘self’ did not matter to him, only the community. And that was what Wonwoo hated most; the idea that individuals would sacrifice their own individual identity for the sake of the mob or as it was disguised as ‘the common good’ or the ‘majority will’. And as he implied before, he would not stand for any tyranny at all.

It sounded as though Wonwoo’s work was set out for him. But he had always dreamed of making his own philosophical system even before he had set his eyes on the heroes in the comic strips that he cut out from his father’s newspaper. 

Besides Mingyu, Wonwoo could say that becoming a philosopher was one of his highest priorities.

What he had read from Amo’s "On the Impassivity of the Human Mind" brought assurance to Wonwoo. Although it may have been a stretch from the original subject matter, Wonwoo couldn’t help but think. 

If one’s soul was impervious to physical harm but susceptible to sin, then, the same must go the other way around. If the soul was impervious to pleasure but susceptible to virtue, then he would need to find the right man; the virtuous hero that would touch his soul. It was made certain that Wonwoo would be able to feel his true love’s touch within his soul because only his true love and no one else possessed that ability. 

It was as if his mission in life was justified. 

On the surface it may have looked as though Wonwoo only craved knowledge so that he could improve himself morally and spiritually. However, it went deeper than that. Virtue had to be embodied and that was what he called his ‘ideal man’. And only could his ideal man break through the barriers in his mind, like a force that brought him to his knees. Wonwoo couldn’t understand how girls his age could want just boys. No, that wasn’t him. He wanted a hero.

Thus, it was not only knowledge that he seeked, but the virtuous person who contained it. The man embodying the heroic spirit. Even if philosophy in itself was already satisfying, it was simply a means to seek out love. And where love stepped into his life, wisdom was not far behind.

Jun stepped back only to look cheekily at Wowoo. Yet a look of caution crossed his eyes. Jun was making sure that Wonwoo was okay with physical contact. Seeing that everything was alright, the older boy lowered his arms more while burying his head in Wonwoo’s shoulder, causing Wonwoo’s eyes to go wide. Jun wanted to stay like that for a while longer but Wonwoo tried to tickle his underarms in order to get him off. 

Unbeknownst to them, a football player was watching them. A very attentive and jealous football player at that. He crossed his arms, letting Jun have his moment in the sun. After all, the situation was only temporary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do a lot of research for this chapter LMAO sorry that it took a long time :(
> 
> I also took a quote from The Fountainhead and another quote both by my fav philosopher Ayn Rand, bless her soul she was an atheist but I hope she goes to heaven HAHA. 
> 
> Omg Halloween is coming up in the story and especially more dramaaa!!! 
> 
> This was cut really short but I want to have chapters in reserve haha. Jaehyun will definitely have his moments hehe. I PRAY YOUR STILL LOUD AND HERE LMAO. I swear I'm like Horton hears a who. I feel like ya'll are already my friends and I love chatting with you guys. See you soon!!!


	25. Freudian Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a scene in here that reminds me of Katy Perry's Bon Apetit. Omg I can't believe it was slept on. ITS SO GOOD. BUt yeah Wonwoo get's rolled like dough aha aha aha, OOOO excuse me.
> 
> HAPPY B DAY WONWOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> This might be really melodramatic but I love melodrama. I'm sorry, I cannot take realistic literature LMAO
> 
> Also there's a bunch of contradictions hehe

The boy’s hands stopped him from leaving, blocking his exit on each side. They were large next to his face, and he could feel his breath on his collarbones.

“Wonwoo, I love you. Will you ever accept me for who I am?”

He looked down at his feet. He could barely see them in the darkness. He couldn’t give the boy that much power over him, yet, he wanted to succumb. He wanted for someone to take hold of him right at that moment. Looking up at the boy, the white light from the other end of the room twinkled in his pupils.

“If you’re the best that mankind has to offer, then yes, the day will come when I do reluctantly. Only because I have been forced to. By my own desires… and among other things. It’s the fact that there are no other men like you that has made me realize how cruel fate is. It has dealt me a bunch of cards, and none of them are spades.”

The boy’s face was close to touching his, and he growled as he stared down at his neck. Wonwoo shivered despite the warm breath hitting his skin. He kept his hands by his side as if he were frozen in fear. But his mind had stopped working. He was too broken to move.

“It doesn’t matter. All I need is your cooperation. I couldn’t give a fuck about the rest. I know I messed up in the past, but you make me want to be better. As long as I try, right?” 

“Try. Right.” Wonwoo nodded, looking at the boy as if he had just taught a toddler the correct pronunciation of a word. He laughed to himself.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~ I ~

Minghao met them in the colonnade which circled the perimeter of the courtyard. A sudden cool breeze rushed by, causing the dying leaves on the trees to rustle. The red and brown colors reminded him that Halloween was not far away. How were they not already freezing?

“I’ll get us lunch, what do you guys want?” Jun asked, bringing him and Minghao together by his side.

Wonwoo wasn’t that hungry and so he only asked for a cup of fruit and pita bread but Minghao made sure to ask for a whole salad just in case he changed his mind. 

He appreciated Minghao for looking out for him, especially since the other boy had ample reasons to consider him competition. But Minghao with his sharp eyes and attentiveness could see that Jun saw Wonwoo as an older brother, at least because of his looks and attitude if one put the two next to each other. Although, Jun could be serious and affectionate if he needed to. Minghao had seen his serious side on a couple of occasions and that was enough to satisfy him. 

Wonwoo envied Minghao and Jun’s friendship, whatever they wanted to call it. The kind of bond that the two boys had possessed the temperance, familiarity and companionship that two elderly people had. Even though he cringed at the thought of growing old with someone and having wrinkles and age spots, Wonwoo knew that he would be eternally content with settling down with someone. The problem with romantic love however was that it was impossible to ever be satisfied. Nothing was ever enough and just when couples had finally matured and learned that, the spark had already gone away.

He never wanted that to happen. He’d rather grow up fast and stay old for eighty years than not grow up at all and realize that he had wasted half of his life emotionally confused and undeveloped. 

It wasn’t that he was confused himself. Rather, everyone else was. And if that remained the case then he’d might as well give up on finding someone. Of course he could ‘fix them’ but for once he wanted to be the one who was fixed. He wanted to be the one that was held and carried across the abyss of his thoughts, not having to deal with pulling others out of theirs. 

It wasn’t long until the rest of the gang arrived with Jun returning. Everyone tried to make conversation with Wonwoo, mindful that his friendship with Mingyu was still a sore subject. Wonwoo may have given one-sentence answers however he tried to smile and give it his all. It wasn’t hard to figure out, especially from how Wonwoo was staring up towards the trees that he was listening in to the conversation going on behind them.

Apparently, Mingyu had been aware of the tension between them as well and decided to sit with his teammates. They all sat in rows opposite of eachother on the long bench fit for a banquet hall. Mingyu sat near the end of course which was ‘reserved’ for all of the big and talented players. Wonwoo hadn’t noticed how snobbish the set up looked until now as he craned his head back at them to catch a glance.

Sehun’s eyes found his, giving him a small wave that said nothing causing Mingyu to look at his friend and then at him. Wonwoo’s expression turned grim, as if he had turned around just to give them a dirty look for being noisy. Bambam and Kai prompted him to put on a fake smile as they nodded towards him and waved as well. 

Wonwoo slowly turned back around -unphased by Mingyu’s blank face, using his fork to play with the food.

By now Wonwoo was familiar with most of the players, although he wasn’t fond of Wonho and Changkyun. He suspected they were off doing something stupid around the campus. Maybe with Jaehyun of all people since he was absent too. 

Jaehyun might have been a dickhead but he was still above their level of course. Wonwoo couldn’t see them hanging out together at all. 

He knew that Mingyu’s other group of friends that consisted of Yugyeom, Mark and Jungkook stayed in the food court but that raised the question as to why Mingyu didn’t sit with them then. It wasn’t like he was best buds with everyone on the football team. It was only convenient for them to be together, teasing each other and bantering about cheerleaders. Unless Jaehyun was with Yugyeom and the others. Or maybe Mingyu just wanted to torment him with his presence. Wonwoo indeed had made himself so obvious to liking him. 

Wonwoo was thinking about texting Jungkook that they should hang after school to get his mind off Mingyu but he noticed that the other boy had already messaged him. 

_____________________________________

Kookie:

Come sit with us, we r in the cafeteria. Unless ur with ur friends tho🥺

Wonwoo:

Alright, I think my friends can manage without me. I’m the only single person here anyways.

Kookie:

Okie okie no rush. Take time with your friends, we still have twenty minutes left. 😄😄😄

Wonwoo

Okay, stay out of trouble 

____________________________________

Not wanting to be rude, Wonwoo decided to stick around for a few minutes. He couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the boys next to them. Even if they were a dozen feet away he could still hear them clearly as if he had headphones on. Besides, it was hard to ignore, especially Mingyu’s hearty laughter.

How could he be so indifferent to me?

Loving to torture himself, the black-haired boy’s eyes rolled upwards, as if he was processing everything they were saying.

“So, Kim hasn’t said much about Saturday night. I’m beginning to think the sex with Tzuyu wasn’t good” a voice he recognized as belonging to Baekho said.

“Broooo.” Kai drawled out, aware of the fact that Wonwoo had something for Mingyu even if it took the most prying of eyes to notice. 

“Wonwoo’s right there.” 

“I’m just asking for my sake.” Baekho defended.

“Was she easy?” Bambam asked this time, not caring about Wonwoo since he was still convinced that the black-haired boy had been flirting with Jaehyun.

Mingyu only clasped his hands together, laying his arms out on the table. He looked down, chuckling to himself.

“Yo I can tell he wrecked her. I saw her this morning limping. You guys must have gone all out for the past three days bro.” 

“Girl’s been with everyone at her school. I think Mingyu was her last.” Bambam snickered, eliciting a horrified look from Kai. Mingyu simply glared at them, clenching his fists together with enough force that the veins were showing in his arms. 

“I’m done with her.” he spoke up. “Everythings in the past now, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“C’mon, there’s nothing else to talk about.” Bambam groaned.

“Guys he said to shut up.” Sehun warned, more for the sake of Wonwoo’s ears than Mingyu’s patience.

“Dude how can you expect to get away with banging the hottest chick at our school and not talk about it. You’re more arrogant than I thought.” Baekho laughed. 

Mingyu slammed his hands on the fists, causing everyone to jump except for Sehun. 

“You want to know so badly then? Fine. She was easy. She begged on her knees for me to fuck her and I did, so hard that you guys wont want her used pussy again. You guys are fucking losers. Maybe if you were on my level you’d be able to get girls for yourselves instead of talking about them.” 

“Ayeeeee.” Bambam cheered, ignoring the death glare Mingyu was giving him.

“Yeah, release that pent up anger. I’m sure Tzuyu couldn’t have handled it all.” 

Mingyu took a swig of the fruit juice in his cup, noticing Wonwoo suddenly get up from his seat. It was obvious that the black-haired boy was pissed, causing his friends who were caught off guard by his abruptness to look up at him. 

Wonwoo allayed their concerns, softly telling them something about seeing Jungkook. The shorter boy could mask his voice all he wanted but Mingyu knew that behind those pink lips were two rows of clenched teeth. He didn’t know whether to feel deterred by Wonwoo’s menacing glare or rush to apologize to him. 

Mingyu decided to let Wonwoo go. He wasn’t going to make more of a scene in front of the guys or Wonwoo’s friends. Wonwoo deserved more than that. In fact, that was what made him not want to apologize to the black-haired boy. His apology was worth nothing. Mingyu already proved to Wonwoo the kind of person he was. There wasn’t really any chance that the opinionated and strongly-convicted Wonwoo would change his mind about him, that was, if Wonwoo even cared to think about him.

But that couldn’t be true. Wonwoo was listening to their conversation. He must have been. That means he really did care. Right?

Who was he kidding? It didn’t matter whether Wonwoo accepted his apology or not, Wonwoo just needed to hear it. 

Refraining from punching himself in the face, Mingyu tried to listen to his friends bicker about some new update on Fortnight. As soon as he counted down the minutes, Mingyu slowly got up, telling his friends that he was going to go to the lockeroom to get a charging cable he left there for his phone. 

They were all going to ask him about Wonwoo but stopped as he sent them all a look warning them to keep their mouths shut. But Sehun seemed to know where he was going and gave him a fistbump for luck.

“Go get him.” the older boy told him, tilting his head towards the door that Wonwoo burst through.

Mingyu gave him a nod, patting Sehun on the shoulder as he walked past him. 

Even though he didn’t have an ounce of faith in him, he hoped to God that Wonwoo would accept him at his worst. Hopefully, he had hit rock bottom and things would pick up from there.

II

Wonwoo’s shoes made ‘thumps’ against the tiled floor as he walked down the hall towards the food court. He couldn’t stand another moment of listening to Mingyu’s friends. He supposed he could have payed more attention to his own but he knew he’d only go back to eavesdropping. How the scene had played out was oddly reminiscent of what happened before with Mingyu and Tzuyu. Except what had happened went beyond simple flirting. 

He didn’t know he was going to do it. Mingyu and him weren’t even friends yet Wonwoo had already grown jealous. As well as indignant. What Mingyu did should have made him cut the guy out of his life. It should have made him jump back in revulsion. Yet he found himself overcome with the urge to fix him more, like Mingyu was a beast who could be tamed. Isn’t that why vampires and werewolves were so popular on TV? What kind of woman would want a tamed man? 

Boring.

Wonwoo wasn’t one to surrender himself to the power of any man’s spirit. Indeed he knew it would happen at some point. The day would come when he’d be broken in, raptured by the dominating and animalistic force of masculinity. He knew the ordered world that he had created inside his head would be thrown into chaos by one man’s touch. It’s what he had always wanted ever since he realized his friends were unable to tend to him, or when he realized his parents didn’t care about him. Of course, he would always have a home to go to, and friends to console him. But he couldn’t ever let go or reveal his true self to them, as that was reserved for only two people in his life, one of which had not arrived yet.

He wanted to let go, but the barriers in his mind wouldn’t let him. All of the fears and presuppositions in his head prevented him from ever confessing the things that made him truly happy, as there would always be someone to take it away from him. He began to think that he’d die with these secrets, having suffered all his life in silence, or had babbled to himself in madness. 

If only he had someone to make him let go. After all, he wouldn’t be responsible, he wouldn’t live with the guilt. He’d have someone to bear all that weight for him, like another Christ. But this man would be earthly and flawed, someone who he could love and admire directly like a statue rather than simply an idea in his head.

And then, it turned out that his fears were already manifested. 

A weighty but soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he instantly recognized the low baritone that belonged to his most favorite admirer. 

“Wonwoo.” it said enthusiastically although he could sense the quiet reservation in it. 

“Hey.” Wonwoo replied, his neck already turned. He put his opened palms together as he forced the rest of his body to twist with his head.

“Where are you headed?” the older boy asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

“I’m going to the caf. Jungkook’s waiting for me.”

“Want to go to the library instead? It’s not noisy. Plus, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Wonwoo looked at him uncaringly, not bothering to wonder if he had ulterior motives or not. Jaehyun would never be able to get to him so there wasn’t any use in being skeptical or careful around him. However, it wasn’t like he was the center of the world.

“It wouldn’t be nice to leave Jungkook like that. Can he come along?” Wonwoo asked nicely. If there was one thing they had in common, both of them asked questions as if the person they were asking had any choice. 

“Jungkook?” the other laughed. “I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“Only because I do. But I can tell him to stop.” Wonwoo smiled, intrigued with what Jaehyun wanted to talk to him about. It must have been important. Did the guy care about his career that much? 

“I’ll call him right now.” he added, elbowing Jaehyun’s chest in an effort to stop him from objecting,

_“Hello?”_

_“Kookie, can you come to the library? I’m tied up with something.”_

Wonwoo’s eyes made contact with Jaehyun’s, telling him to be patient. 

He really couldn’t refuse the older boy since his father was breathing down his neck. And worse, Mingyu’s career would be at stake. But that didn’t stop him from finding loopholes. He could be a little bitchy and resistant with Jaehyun if he wanted to. 

Jungkook groaned.

_“Wonu, there’s barely five minutes left. You took a little too much time with your friends. It’s not worth going all that way unless your gonna pay me.”_

_“Sorry, I had to stay for something important. I’ll make it up to you. Let’s hang after school. My treat.”_

_“I can’t. I have a whole ton of homework. But you’re definitely sitting with me tomorrow, kapeesh?”_

_“Okay, I’ll think of something to do. I promise I’ll listen to all your ramblings about J and recite them back to you just so you know that I was listening.”_

_“Thank you Won, I-I I’m touched. Gotta go, Yugyeom’s showing the pictures of J I sent to him to everyone at our table. Byeeeee.”_

  
  


Wonwoo muffled his laughter with his sleeve.

_"Bye"_

Jaehyun looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not ever letting you use a payphone. We’d be bankrupt.”

“The only time I’d use a payphone around you would be to call 911.”

Jaehyun grabbed his wrist, leading him towards the library.

“Hey, I beat Shownu up just for you. That says a lot.”

“Yeah but I was the one who got to him first.” an angry voice interrupted them, causing Wonwoo to turn around, expression still apathetic. 

Jaehyun looked annoyed.

“Oh yeah Kim? You fucking Tzuyu says more.”

“What did you just say to me?” Mingyu growled, rushing up to Jaehyun and grabbing his collar. Wonwoo subtly inched away, watching the both of them with the same coldness that he had when Jaehyun beat up Shownu. But this time, Mingyu was the aggressor. 

Jaehyun pulled Mingyu’s arm off of him, violently swinging his hand. 

“You’re just mad that you fucked up and blew your chances with Wonwoo.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t give a shit about anything that comes out of your goddamn mouth. I’m not letting you have Wonwoo like some trophy.

Jaehyun smirked.

“He’s letting me. Ain’t that right Wonwoo?”

Wonwoo didn’t want to validate Jaehyun’s ego so he kept a blank face as Mingyu looked towards him.

“What’s his business ” the taller asked, stepping towards him as if to shield him from Jaehyun. Wonwoo saw the guilt in his eyes and immediately wanted to run and jump into his arms, telling him that it was alright. But he knew that Mingyu had to make the first move.

“We were going to the library. Jaehyun wanted to talk to me about something. Thanks for asking.” Wonwoo said out of breath, fiddling with his fingers as he looked down the corridor. He couldn't bring himself to look into Mingyu’s eyes any longer.

“Can we talk later then? I got something to tell you too. It’s kinda important” Mingyu asked, fixing his hair at the top of his head as he let out a breath.

“Sure.” Wonwoo said with dignity, keeping his head help up high as Jaehyun circled an arm around his waist. 

“I’ll try not to walk out this time.” Wonwoo joked lightly, causing Mingyu to stop in his tracks and peer over his shoulder.

“I’ll try not to be a jerk.” the taller said, eyeing Jaehyun’s hand that rested above the black-haired boy’s hip. It was his special spot.

Mingyu gave him a slight smile which bore no teeth, as if someone had asked him if everything was alright when it wasn’t. 

Neither of them despaired, keeping in mind that they had photography class at the end of the day. Mingyu hoped that he’d be able to get through to Wonwoo then, to make somewhat of a fresh start. Although, he would always cherish the first day that they had met.

They still had to edit their photos and create a presentation. He couldn’t wait to hear what kind of ideas the shorter boy had in mind. If Wonwoo didn’t already have the right app installed on his computer then they’d have an excuse to go to his house. 

Just another hour and he’d see Wonwoo again. And maybe, he’d take him home with him. It would be the right kind of ‘take’ of course. 

Wonwoo would have to meet his parents and sister too, and hopefully his mother would force him into staying for dinner. He was already getting worked up about the thought. 

A guy could dream, right?

III

The library was almost windowless with only a few skylights and transom windows bringing sunlight in in the afternoon. It could have looked as dark and gloomy as a gothic cathedral if not for the 1980’s style wood paneling along the walls, the book carts with broken wheels and the shelves that looked like they were made from plastic. Heck, even the tables probably came from an elementary school. 

However it was large and did not evoke any sense of claustrophobia. If not for the dust and stale air, Wonwoo would have called it home. It was actually his first time in the library which wasn’t what he had expected it to be. Yes of course he knew it wouldn’t be anything like the one at Stanford, he just wouldn’t have thought Jaehyun would be there to ruin the moment. Although, if anything, the selection of books compensated for the room’s lack of style. 

Jaehyun wanted them to sit down and talk but the black-haired boy simply ignored him, saying that he thought better when he stood. It also allowed him the benefit of not looking the older boy in the eye. It wasn’t like Jaehyun’s handsomeness had any effect on him, it was just that with his social anxiety and everything, well- he wanted some down time. 

Following him to the nearest book shelf, Jaehyun leaned against it as he watched Wonwoo scan through a row. Keeping his line of sight at head level, Wonwoo made sure not to put on a show for the other. If anything, Jaehyun wouldn’t be seeing how low he could go anytime soon. 

“You sure you can do two things at once, I feel like this is the same as talking to someone while they are driving or something.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“At least I’m not on my phone. I would have been too tempted if we sat down.” Wonwoo lied, putting a book back in its place.

“Huh.” Wonwoo said. “They have Foucault but not Freud? What kind of place is this? An institution of learning or indoctrination?”

Jaehyun crossed his arms and snorted. 

“My professor said that Freud shouldn’t be taken seriously.” 

“Well there’s some things that I think he has wrong but he has to be the greatest analyst of family relations, especially with the transition from agrarian life to the industrial revolution. I always wanted a family and I swore to myself that I’ll never make the same mistakes my family did. My older cousins are the stupidest parents honestly. Their kids are brats too. It all changed when families became more direct and less extended. No wonder parents are going insane, it’s because they are all alone in a house filled with kids and no one else to help them. And don’t get me started on family vacations. You never see grandparents included. It makes my blood boil.” 

Jaehyun smiled widely although in his periphery it came across as mocking. Wonwoo could even see how white his teeth were from the corner of his eyes, it was blinding.

“You want a family? I didn’t think someone like you would be thinking about those things this early, or at all.”

Wonwoo’s lips came together more and his eyes fell to the next row down. He didn’t look where he was going, prompting Jaehyun to get out of his way before they collided. But then Jaehyun wanted to slap himself for not letting it happen. Wonwoo looked so ripe for the picking right then and there. It was like he wanted to come up from behind Wonwoo and catch him off guard while he was reading something. The book would drop and Wonwoo would bear his neck. 

Too bad it was only a thought.

“I do. I want a lot of kids actually. But what’s with the other part of the question?”

Jaehyun shook his head, backing up a few steps. 

“No offense, but to me it didn’t look like you’d be into having kids. I figured you’d be off having a prosperous career or something. And they’d probably be too annoying anyways. How would you get to read with a bunch of whiny kids?”

“I already have one to deal with.” Wonwoo giggled, closing a book he was skimming through.

“Wow.” Jaehyun’s mouth made an ‘o’. “I don’t know whether to be proud that the amazing Wonwoo insulted me or if I should feel like my ego was crushed.”

“I call it the Wonwoo Effect.” 

“And I call it being in love.” Jaehun wiggled his eyebrows.

Wonwoo only laughed, careful as to not to be so loud. “So being in love makes people lose their sense of humor? Oh wait sorry, hmmm you never had one.”

“Don’t try to dodge the question Won.” 

“Alright. You caught me.” Wonwoo flung his hands up in defense.”I’d rather stay home with my kids than do anything career-wise. But I have the privilege of pursuing a career that would allow me to work from home. I don’t even think I can call it ‘work’. It’s really my passion, actually- it’s my life.”

“Philosophy?”

“Yes. If anything, I’d be writing and reading all day. I’ll break my back picking up my kids but it’s not like I’d be working as well. I’d have it easy, I hope.”

“You hope? Your dad’s rich. Fuck I’ll be up there with him too once my career get’s going. I mean- it already has but I’ll be making a lot of dough. You know, to support us.” Jaehyun smirked.

“If the feeling was mutual I’ll admit, I’d probably faint.” Wonwoo chuckled. “That would be perfect.”

Except one thing would be missing.

“Aren’t you writing a book? It’s not like you’d be without an income.”

“You’re right. But it wouldn’t be much. The book’s not that great either. It would probably only reel in a few bucks.”

Wonwoo took enjoyment in boosting Jaehyun’s ego. It was so easy and pathetic.

“So you got a thing for successful men who can take care of you?” 

“Who doesn’t” Wonwoo turned to him as if the question startled him. 

“Someone who wants to be superior to their spouse, you know? They always want to have the upperhand. I see a lot of people treat their spouses like that.”

Wonwoo put his finger in the crevice between the two covers of a book, thinking for a moment.

“No I’m not like that. If anything I’d exalt them. But they have to be successful for the right reasons, and not because they recycled a bunch of crap and put it out like it was a new kind of thing.” he smiled, giving Jaehyun a side eye as he crouched down to look at a title.

“Passive aggressive much?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow.

“Only because I find it amusing. I’m not trying to be malicious or anything.” the younger boy assured him.

“Right. I know you weren’t.” Jaehyun nodded, voice becoming low and huskier. He bit his lip at how much Wonwoo’s back could arch as he knelt down on the floor.

Wonwoo noticed the change in the air, propelling himself by his hands as he rushed past the older boy. 

“So what did you want to talk about? It must be important since you decided to go through all of the small talk. Are you conditioning me for something?” Wonwoo accused.

Jaehyun kicked off from the book shelf, coming to face Wonwoo directly as the latter stood at the other end of the aisle. As they got deeper into the room, the light began to fade due to the light fixtures that hadn’t been repaired in decades.

“It is important, but nothing you ever say is small talk. You’re too good for that.” 

“No need to flatter me. My ears were already up when you said you wanted to talk.” Wonwoo smiled snidely.

“I was just easing you into what I wanted to tell you.”

“I can take it.” Wonwoo said earnestly, twisting to continue looking at the books on the shelves.

“Then turn and face me. I want to see your eyes.”

Wonwoo stopped whispering the names of the authors that his finger trailed over. Rather, his lips closed shut in a way that suggested he was internally cringing. His arms crossed over one another and his eyes moved towards Jaehyun’s shoes as he turned slowly. And then, Wonwoo’s clouded eyes met Jaehyuns. They weren’t bright or invigorating, rather, they stabbed him as if he was struck by lightning. They didn’t give him a simple burn. Instead it was like someone had taken an iron to his heart, and now, his memory was stained with Wonwoo’s eyes. 

Jaehyun uncrossed his legs from where he had been leaning against the shelf and began to step forward.

“Wonwoo, I’m not going to beg anymore. I’m not going to ask either. It doesn’t matter what your answer is, so long as I get to say it. It’s not a question, it’s a statement.”

“Don’t try to fool me Jae. I know that you're still trying to prove yourself to me. You still care about what I think if your going all this way to ‘make a statement’.”

“You’re wrong Wonwoo. I went all this way to talk to you. Did you notice that I haven’t touched you yet? It’s hard to hold myself back, and you can take that as me just trying to prove myself, but really I’m trying to learn.”

“Learn what?”

“To be a better person.”

“Please.”

“Yeah I know it sounds stupid, but you’re the only one who can tame me. You have all the answers. You can discipline me. Loving you is already disciplining me.”

“What?” Wonwoo said, staring at him wide eyed. He was more terrified than shocked, as well as more hysterical than amused.

Jaehyun tried not to clench his teeth, instead, he kept his cool.

“Wonwoo. I love you.” 

Wonwoo gasped. He then held his eyes closed, clenching his fists with all his might as to not curse inside the library.

Jaehyun growled. 

“Wonwoo don’t fucking laugh at me. I just opened up to you. This took a lot for me to do.”

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo hiccuped over stifled laughter. 

“You like making a fool out of me don’t you. But as I said before, I don’t care. I’ll be your fool. Just know that you're mine now.”

“What makes you think that?” Wonwoo asked, covering his mouth as he tried not to snort.

“Because I know a lot of things, and even though you don’t care about what happens to you, I know your heart’s in other places. It may not be with you, but I know it’s still breakable. And I can do a lot of damage. Isn’t that what turns you on? It’s not just successful men, but you like dangerous men too, don’t you?”

Wonwoo’s eye twitched and his eyebrows went up, infuriated.

“Dangerous men who can keep their sword in their sheath. You’re just an animal.” Wonwoo gritted.

The older boy smirked. 

“And that’s how I want you, like an animal.”

Wonwo shook his head, still knowing he had the upper hand.

“My father can give you my body, but you won’t ever have my mind.”

“I’ll find someway in.” Jaehyun said, advancing towards him.

“Then maybe I’ll let you. I won’t ever give you any effort. I won’t fight you. Because if I fight you, I legitimize you. You’re no different than the demons that taunt and tempt me. And I won’t give you any power or any achievement. You haven’t earned it.” 

“Doesn’t matter, as long as you’re all mine.” Jaehyun grunted, pushing Wonwoo against the white glazed stone wall.

It was as if Wonwoo was pushed by an invisible force or a phantom. There was barely any light at the back of the room but he could feel arms on his and warm breath on his cheek.

Jaehyun looked down at him.

“Listen. I’m not here to play games. I’m not gonna take apart every feeling I have for you and try to explain every emotion. I’m not like you, but that’s why I-. That’s why I love you.”

“Jae-“

“No, listen Won. I love you because you stand out. You’re not superficial like I am. You have a heart and a mind. And I want to have both of them. I love your smile. And when your act cold, I still know your fire hasn’t gone out. I can see it in your eyes, don’t try to deny it. I’ll own you anyways, every lie and every truth you tell, I own. See? That’s how much I love you. I know you Wonwoo, but I don’t think you know me.”

Wonwoo tried not to quiver, not wanting to give the boy a hug.

“You never gave me a real glimpse of who you were.”

“Fine, I’ll admit it. But didn’t you wonder? How could someone like me love someone like you? You’re too perfect for me. And trust me, I’ve been burned by your fire before. But I won’t stop loving you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Wonwoo’s eyes fluttered, trying to wipe away the stinging feeling.

“That’s not the point. I love someone else.” 

“Then I’ll make you love me. I’ll tell your father that you aren’t giving your all to me.”

“I don’t want to give anything to you.”

“Then I could take it.” Jaehyun smirked, pressing harder into the wall.

“I know you won’t. You’re still too afraid. I can see it in your eyes.” Wonwoo chuckled, mocking him.

“You’re scared too. But I think you’ll get over it. Maybe you just don’t want to be open with your feelings, or maybe it’s because of your father. I don’t know, and I don’t care. But something tells me you won’t stop me if I do this.” 

And then, Jaehyun kissed him. It was with less precision and more force than last time. The brown-haired boy’s lips devoured Wonwoo’s as Jaehyun manhandled him into a better position to exert his control.

As he vowed, Wonwoo didn’t fight. It was rather easy for Jaehyun to take hold of his waist and back, bending Wonwoo backwards so that he could dominate him. Wonwoo surrendered so easily that it was almost as if the prize wasn’t worth it, there wasn’t anything to it. It was unearned.

Jaehyun’s hands roamed down to squeeze the inside of Wonwoo's thighs from behind while the black-haired boy held on to his shoulders. It wasn’t like Wonwoo was enjoying himself, or grabbing the older boy’s shoulders for more. Rather, it was only because he didn’t want to fall. Jaehyun wasn’t so much as holding him so much as he was pulling his limbs, squeezing him and molding him like dough. It was anything but what Wonwoo really wanted.

He was lucky that the end of the room was so dark as he didn’t want anyone to see him. Even if Wonwoo looked cold and indifferent, a single tear drop rolled down his cheek, twinkling in the ambient light. 

But his uncaring attitude vanished when Jaehyun’s hands went up to grab his bottom, holding both globes of flesh in his hand as he gritted his teeth and looked down at him.

“I know I've said some things that put you off, but let me show you instead. There’s a janitor’s closet back here.” He grinned, diving down to kiss along Wonwoo’s collarbone. 

“I want to make love to you Wonwoo. You’ll forget about everything I’ve done. You can have your moment of escape.”

Wonwoo looked beyond Jaehyun’s shoulder as the latter took breaks while kissing his neck. His body was frozen still but he was overcome with emotion. He wanted to give in, to let Jaehyun take the reins, to finally let go. But he couldn’t surrender himself. If this was how it was supposed to be, then Jaehyun would have to take him, without invitation or surrender. Wonwoo didn’t want any part in any lovemaking that might have gone on. He just wanted to be in the backseat for once. Since Mingyu couldn’t take the lead, than maybe Jaehyun could. It wasn’t like Jaehyun was the second best escape for him, or simply a warm chest for him to bury his head in. Rather, Jaehyun seemed to be the best humanity had to offer, the best he had to live with but not die for. 

“I can tell you’ve been suffering in silence. Let me take it all away, not because I want to do something for you, but because I want everything from you. ” 

Jaehyun then went on to shake his head, turning his palms into fists.

“I said I wouldn’t beg, but please Won. I love you.” 

And then fear overtook him. It wasn’t really courage, but a primitive sense of determination, determination to get away from the boy in front of him. And like a fawn running from hunters, Wonwoo attempted to leap beyond Jaehyun’s clutches, sliding past him.

But Jaehyun’s hands stopped him from leaving, blocking his exit on each side. They were large next to his face, and he could feel that breath again on his collarbones.

“Wonwoo, I love you. Will you ever accept me for who I am?” Jaehyun said, as if Wonwoo’s attempt to escape was meaningless.

He looked down at his feet. He could barely see them in the darkness. He couldn’t give the boy that much power over him, yet, he wanted to succumb. He wanted for someone to take hold of him right at that moment. Looking up at the boy, the white light from the other end of the room glimmered in his pupils.

“If you’re the best that mankind has to offer, then yes, the day will come when I do reluctantly. But not now. Only because I have been forced to. By my own desires… and among other things. It’s the fact that there are no other men like you that has made me realize how cruel fate is. It has dealt me a bunch of cards, and none of them are spades.”

Jaehyun’s face was close to touching his. Wonwoo shivered despite the warm breath hitting his skin. He kept his hands by his side as if he were frozen in fear. But his mind had stopped working. He was too broken to move.

“It doesn’t matter. All I need is cooperation from you. I couldn’t give a fuck about the rest. I know I messed up in the past, but you make me want to be better. As long as I try, right?” 

Wonwoo nodded, humming.

“Try. Right.” he said, looking at the boy as if he had just taught a toddler the correct pronunciation of a word. He laughed to himself.

And then, Jaehyun hugged him, allowing him to decompress into his chest. He supposed his answer, although not really significant, was adequate for the older boy. It felt like a betrayal to Mingyu in his heart, but he hugged Jaehyun back. It wasn’t out of affection, pity, or desire for the other boy as a substitute or Mingyu. Instead it was more like… he was patting Jaehyun on the head, even if his arms were around his shoulders. He was encouraging the boy, really. To improve himself and everything. He had always held unconditional love for the good things in life, although it wasn’t passionate. It was much more like, admiration. 

Even if Jaehyun could be reprehensible, there was still something in him that had to be unfolded. The older boy was right, Wonwoo didn’t know him. And perhaps he could look forward to unraveling all the thorny vines that strangled Jaehyun’s heart. Wonwoo just hoped that it was from love for the good and not the arrogance of his intellect that he thought that.

IV

Mingyu had jumped when his professor dismissed him. He had managed to make it to his photography class earlier than anyone else, earning a bright but surprised smile from the instructor as he came rushing in. He scanned the rows despite there being no students yet, but it was as if his mind was telling him to do so either way. The fact that he’d be sitting next to Wonwoo again had him on edge, making him do things he didn’t understand.

When he spotted Kyung, a wave of relief but anxiety washed over him. Relief because Kyung would know where Wonwoo was, and anxiety because he’d be one step closer to seeing him. 

“Hey, did Wonwoo show up to class last block?” Mingyu asked. His hand was on the backrest of his chair but he couldn’t bring himself to sit down.He just wished he could feel as pumped up about apologizing to Wonwoo as he was seeing him.

His doe-eyed classmate gave him a cheery expression, although his confusion was obvious.

“No, he didn’t show up. Do you know anything about it? Wonwoo likes math.” Kyung said with a betrayed tone.

Mingyu narrowed his eyes and squared up his shoulders.

“I think I might know where he is.” he said, his voice hinged with dread. 

“Alright. Bring him back alive please.” Kyung teased with a knowing smile etched on his expression. “I hope you guys sort things out.”

Mingyu’s stern face broke into a smile.

“Actually, I want him to sort _me_ out.”

“Alright Kim.” Kyung laughed. He waved as if he knew Mingyu wouldn’t be coming back. 

“Thanks, see ya.” 

As Mingyu walked through the door, he realized he had just missed the rush of students filing in from both directions in the hallway. A breeze flew past him and multiple undefinable figures or blobs moved around him. Not only was he one of the tallest kids at the university but also the one with the largest and most felt presence. And as he walked, students swerved around him like fish evading a shark. It only made things go smoother for him and in only a minute, he found himself looking down the corridor which led to the library. 

Not only did it look ominous already with the lack of foot traffic, but a few fluorescent light tubes flickered as if in warning. 

The sound of his footsteps against the white tiled floor as well as the low hum of electricity coursing through the ceiling made him feel as though the entire school was empty. Yet when he pushed one of the double doors open, he was met with soothing warm air and the background noise of whispers and chatter. Despite the dust, he didn’t feel suffocated anymore as he knew there were other people in the room. But it didn’t completely calm his nerves.

“Mingyu.” a voice called out to him, earning a glare from one of the librarians.

Mingyu furrowed his brows at the familiar voice.

“Seokmin?” he asked, spotting his friend who was sitting at a brightly polished wooden table in the middle of the room. He was sitting with Chan and two other girls who he didn’t recognize. They must have either been love interests or simply friends. 

“Bro what are you doing here? I never would have thought you’d step into a library.” Seokmin began again, prompting the girls to look up at him and wave as he came to stand at the end of their rectangular table.

“Nah I’m not here to read or any of that stuff.” Mingyu replied, trying not to give himself away. Yet Seokmin saw the slyness in him. They had been friends since high school after all.

“Yo, Mingyu’s got a crush on someone.” Seokmin laughed, banging the table lightly as the girls became enchanted. 

“Yeah that explains it.” Chan added, resting an arm on the edge of Seokmin’s chair. 

Mingyu wasn’t having it.

“Dude, stop. I’m just looking for a friend. He was going here after lunch and his friend told me that he didn’t show up to his class. I figured he’d still be here.”

“You’re looking for a friend? Or your crush?” Seokmin raised an eyebrow.

“I’m looking for Wonwoo.” Mingyu gritted.

“That’s not answering the question.” one of the girls giggled. 

“Yeah, well I don’t owe Seokmin an answer.” 

The girl rolled her eyes.

“Hey, she was just having fun.” Seokmin scolded him.

“Yeah, I think it’s a crush.” Chan whispered. 

“Fine, sorry. But it’s personal so I’m not giving any details. Can you tell me where Wonwoo is, I have to take him back to class. We have a fucking project to work on.”

“Language!” the librarian hissed, reprimanding him from her desk at the front of the room,

“Yeah whatever.” Mingyu muttered, narrowing his eyes as he looked over his shoulder. 

“So are you gonna tell me or am I going to have to walk through every aisle on every floor?” 

Seokmin exhaled.

“I haven’t seen him man, just follow your heart.” he snickered.

“I’ll kill you after this.” Mingyu replied, nudging his friend's shoulder. 

“That’s only if Wonwoo doesn’t serve you some looks.” Chan butted in.

“Ooo” the girls giggled, holding each other to contain their laughter.

“You should hope.” Mingyu tried to smirk but blushed instead.

Seokmin high-fived Chan, turning back to face the taller boy.

“You legit probably walked by him when you came in. He went into the first aisle. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Was he with anyone?”

“Only the hottest guy in the school.” one of the girls interjected.

“What? Nooo.” Chan said, raising his arms. “Don’t roast Mingyu like that.”

“Yeah, the hottest guy is right here.” Mingyu said as he pointed to himself with his thumb. 

“Yo, this is why Wonwoo left you, you can’t keep your pride to yourself.” Seokmin laughed.

“Yeah, Jaehyun might be a narcissist, but he’s a covert one. He knows he’s hot but he doesn't have to say it.” the girl closest to Mingyu said, catching his attention. Mingyu huffed. He didn’t ask to specify the name of who was with Wonwoo because he knew that name would set something off within him.

“Alright, thanks guys.” Mingyu waved, leaving them in a flash. 

“Dude, let’s all hang tomorrow.” Seokmin said, causing Mingyu to stop.

“Sorry man. Can’t.”

“He’s got a date.” Chan whispered, ignoring the suspicious look the taller gave him.

“I have football practice. I’d hang after but I think I’d be too tired.”

“Lame.” Seokmin rolled his eyes. 

“I’m free Sunday.” Mingyu replied, although he hoped he wasn’t. If he were lucky, he and Wonwoo would finally be dating by then. That was, if everything before then went successfully. Which reminded him. Catching up with his friends was cool but he came to the library for a reason.

“Yeah okay Mr. Busy Schedule.” his friend humphed, causing Mingyu to grin. 

His friends’ obnoxious snickering was drowned out by the silence that permeated the book shelves as he reached them. Seeing no one down the second-to-last aisle, he moved on quickly to the last one, peering behind the wood to gaze down the one-hundred foot walkway. One continuous line of shelves ran down the aisle with some scattered racks and cases, but it all converged into a vanishing point which had literally- well, vanished. His shadow loomed over the dark gray carpeting, stretching a dozen feet.

It wasn’t until about halfway where things had gotten noticeably darker but he could see the faint outlines of two figures at the other end. There didn’t look to be much movement, at least from how their heads were aligned and mostly synchronous. It didn’t sit well with him as he approached. 

And then he saw a head dip below the most forward one, and pale hands flash in the light coming from the back of the room, wrapping around the other figure’s neck. Whoever was initiating the exchange between the two had caged the other one in, forcing his back against the wall and preventing his escape. It was then that beyond Jaehyun’s neck, he caught a glimpse of Wonwoo’s wet eyes. But they didn’t look frightened. Rather, they held that same cold indifference of that morning they saw each other, as well as when he watched Wonwoo leave the courtyard. 

It was almost as if those eyes had pledged to wait for him, just as they had seen something in him. Like he had seen something in them. 

He was albeit terrified by them at times, as he guessed Jaehyun was, but really, they held a redeeming quality to them. It was the softness to them when they fell upon him, and suddenly Mingyu felt like he had been redeemed. Like Wonwoo had forgotten everything that he had done and looked upon him as if he had been waiting for him to come home. 

But then of course, there was Jaehyun.

“Is someone behind-

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo answered quickly, turning it into an acknowledgement as his eyes darted between both football players. 

“Is this guy bothering you Wonwoo.” the taller player asked, nodding his head towards his teammate.

Jaehyun snorted. 

“C’mon Mingyu, you can say my name. We’re enemies not strangers.” 

“I was talking to Wonu.” Mingyu muttered, giving his teammate a death glare before turning to Wonwoo with a neutral expression.

“No. Jaehyun was just having that chat with me that he wanted to have.” Wonwoo said plainly, although he thought about lying and saying that Mingyu was interrupting something important. However he wasn’t that petty and the words would have felt disgusting coming out of his mouth. 

Him? Doing something important with Jaehyun? He would have chuckled to himself if Mingyu wasn’t watching him like some guy in a club. 

Truthfully, Mingyu wasn’t as bothered with the situation as he was earlier. He could tell that Wonwoo still had contempt for the boy in front of him, even if it wasn’t as seething as before. But it didn’t look like he had moved on. Wonwoo didn’t give off any uncomfortable or comfortable feelings. Rather, Wonwoo looked like he didn’t care. At least that told Mingyu that Wonwoo hadn’t moved on… yet.

Then why did he look like he was holding something back? Not only was Wonwoo’s expression plagued with calm turmoil, but it also looked indecisive, like something was on the tip of his tongue. Perhaps he did interrupt something. 

Or maybe he had come to Wonwoo’s rescue. 

That seemed too romantic to Mingyu for it to be real. But then, he knew Wonwoo wasn’t about the real and the naturalistic. That’s why Wonwoo didn’t hold photography in as high of a regard as Romantic paintings. It had nothing really to do with lovey-dovey-ness or utopianism. It was like Wonwoo liked it because he got pleasure from sheer contemplation of what life ought to be. Mingyu guessed that he was right. There wasn’t really any fun in looking at things that depicted what life already was. 

Mingyu suddenly remembered that they were in conversation, feeling the weight of Wonwoo’s stare on him.

“Well, you're late for class anyways. I told the Professor I’d be back with you so c’mon.”

‘Mingyu, wait. You’re being rude. Jaehyun might still have more to tell me.” Wonwoo swallowed, trying not to rub the fact that he had a ‘sacred’ moment with Jaehyun in Mingyu’s face. Although Mingyu looked like he took it in a more extreme way. The taller looked beyond agitated. 

Meanwhile, Jaehyun turned away from having a standoff with Mingyu to looking endearingly at the black-haired boy. As if Wonwoo had just agreed to date him. After everything Wonwoo had deprived him of, a simple offer by him made Jaehyun feel like a million bucks. However it looked a little fake in Mingyu’s opinion, but what could he say?

Mingyu watched as Jaehyun guided Wonwoo out from the back of the room and completely into his view. But the image of Wonwoo’s illustrious figure was stained by the arm that was securely wrapped around his waist. It could have passed that they were buddies if one had taken into account only that one feature. Yet with the more intense way that Jaehyun looked at him and only him, it was like Jaehyun had fallen in love. 

Not only did he feel bad for not owning up to Wonwoo, nevermind giving the shorter boy all the more of a reason to hate him, but it also caused his chest to tremor as Jaehyun had a content smile on his face when he looked at Wonwoo. And Wonwoo didn’t wipe it off of him like he always did. It served him right he supposed, but he’d never let the consequences catch up to him. Perhaps if he acted fast enough, it would all be painless. The guilt would go away. And just as he was about to grab Wonwoo and run away with him, Wonwoo let the unthinkable happen to him.

Jaehyun stepped out from where he was behind Wonwoo slightly and came to Wonwoo’s side. The football player wrapped both of his arms around his torso, bringing the Wonwoo’s shoulder into his chest as he rested his chin on it. Mingyu’s fists really clenched when Jaehyun had the guts to bury his nose in Wonwoo’s neck, sniffing his fruity scent before Wonwoo pushed him away.

The brown-haired football player didn’t flinch even if Wonwoo looked like he wanted to slap him. In reality, what was painted across Jaehyun’s sharp-cut face was a knowing expression, like he knew that he had power over Wonwoo and would overpower him even if he tried to resist. But then, Wonwoo’s expression mellowed, like he had already given up. 

Nothing could infuriate Mingyu more. Wonwoo was supposed to fight back. 

Deciding to take matters into his own hands, Mingyu reverted back to his initial instincts, taking Wonwoo’s wrist and leading him away from Jaehyun. 

“Not even a goodbye kiss? Wow?” Jaehyun said, holding his chest.

“Oh shut up.” Wonwoo scowled, although he waved to the boy slightly. He wasn’t going to end their meeting on a bad note. But of course he was wary about sending him the wrong message. 

Then again, letting Jaehyun kiss him again was already sending something.

Wonwoo’s heartbeat picked up and thoughts began to race through his mind. He had to rectify the situation before it became out of hand. Telling Jaehyun that he loved someone else sounded as though he was leading the guy on, but he really hoped to steer the status of their ‘friendship’ in another direction. Like a path to virtue and wisdom. Yeah, something like that.

And then there was Mingyu, where they stood, his father constantly heckling him, Jaehyun’s emotional parasitism and his own condition, and Mingyu…

Mingyu? Wonwoo forgot about him. 

Mingyu felt the muscles in Wonwoo’s arm tighten and he noticed how stiffly the black-haired boy suddenly walked.

“You okay?” the taller stopped them, pulling Wonwoo by his arm closer to his chest, but not as close as Jaehyun had.

Wonwoo looked down at where Mingyu’s hand was cutting off his circulation, but he welcomed the pain. Although, his expression said otherwise. His eyelashes met his cheeks as if he couldn’t bear to look at Mingyu. But the taller took it as Wonwoo scorning him. Wonwoo’s emotions were hard to decipher. Then again, Mingyu thought, it could have been his own desires and mindset that inhibited his ability to read Wonwoo correctly. He had done it when they had just become friends. Was he now out of touch?

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Want to share what you were thinking?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow. 

Wonwoo tried to keep from blushing as Mingyu cracked a grin. To make matters worse, Mingyu’s hand was still around his wrist, as if he owned him.

“There’s no need to. I’m sure what you have to say later on will clear things up.” Wonwoo said, brushing past him.

Mingyu gave Wonwoo some slack, walking along with him as Wonwoo was still in his grasp.

And then something in Wonwoo’s pocket chirped and he saw the shorter boy pull his phone out with his free hand.

“Sorry, someone’s texting me.”

“Let me guess.” 

The football player reeled Wonwoo into his chest as he tried to look over the shorter boy’s shoulder to see who he was texting.

Jaehyun.

Was the guy that pathetic that he had to text a minute after they left. Well, he was doing something right if Wonwoo was even bothering to text him back. 

Mingyu’s hands latched on to Wonwoo’s forearms, spinning him around to face him, or rather, intimidate him into answering.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from Jaehyun? I let the library thing slide because Jaehyun looked pretty serious, but I thought you would have dropped him already, you know, cut things off with him.”

Wonwoo looked up at him, hitting his chest as he tried to push himself away.

“Mingyu, I can’t. What are you-”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

Mingyu knew he shouldn’t have been. Wonwoo should have demanded an apology from him rather than answering his stupid questions. Wonwoo was too perfect. He knew he had to turn this around on Wonwoo or else he’d be the only guilty one here. He hated being the only one to blame. Everyone else had to be part of the problem too, it couldn’t have been just him.

“You aren’t leading him on?” Mingyu asked.

“No, a part of me is genuinely concerned for him.”

“So what is it then? You got feelings for him?” Mingyu said, tightening his grip on Wonwoo’s arm. Wonwoo didn’t notice the pressure as much as he noticed Mingyu’s voice become lower and tinged with anger.

“No. I-”

“You’re dating then? After everything I told you? Can’t you just not fight me for once? You always have to go against me.” the taller gritted.

“No, we aren’t.”

Mingyu knew he was only digging a deeper hole for himself. Did it really have to come to this? Was he really stuck between trying to protect Wonwoo but at the same time trying to ruin his image. It was like self-sabotage, intentionally distorting the image of his beloved just so he could try to make himself hate Wonwoo. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t distort what was already distorted. What had led to him lusting after Wonwoo was the delusion of Wonwoo’s physical and sexual beauty. 

Man he really needed to sit down and talk. 

But that didn’t distract MIngyu from the pressing matter. The whole thing with Jaehyun seemed to go beyond simple rivalry. Things were getting serious.

“So, Jaehyun’s forcing you into some kind of relationship or something? How else could you be around him and not be bothered. If he’s forcing you I’ll fucking kill him. You could have just told me before and I would have taken care of him. Don’t you trust me?”

“He’s not forcing me or anything.” Wonwoo snapped. “ And I can’t. It’s… confidential” he said, voice still shaky, but he played it off cooly.

“Please Wonu. I want to know.” Mingyu said, crouching down to his level slightly.

“Maybe when you come clean to me.” 

Mingyu lowered his head, moving his hand up to Wonwoo’s and enveloping it with his fingers.

Wonwoo stared at him with an even more pained expression.

“If a text message gets you this riled up then I think there’s a major problem. And we need to resolve it. We’ve needed to for days now. It’s poisoning us.” 

Mingyu gulped.

“Right. Yeah, about clearing things up. I think everything already is.”

“What are you on about?”

“You’re actually starting to like Jaehyun aren’t you. C’mon Wonu. Just because you don’t call it dating doesn’t mean that you aren’t. If anything, Jaehyun’s been all over you like you’re already his. So what gives?”

Wonwoo blinked his eyes.

“Why do you care so much about Jaehyun now? What if he was really dating me? Why couldn’t we still be friends?” the shorter replied, not wanting to play with Mingyu’s feelings. He just wanted to coax a response out of him.

Mingyu closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, pretending to be frustrated. But really he was caught off guard by the question. If he went any further in justifying himself Wonwoo would find out that he liked him. It was time to take a different route, although he didn’t know how this one would fare any better.

“Because I don’t want him to make you do anything you don’t want to. Like he’s doing now.” Mingyu let out. 

“Mingyu you know me, I’m strong-willed aren’t I?” 

“You are and that’s why I lo- I think you're special and should be treated that way. Jaehyun won’t do that. He’s a player. He screws around with people and I know he’ll try to do it with you. Guys like him can’t be fixed.”

“But we have to have faith in people, or else nothing will get done. I won’t let fear stop me.”

“I know you won't.” Mingyu chuckled. “And that’s why I told you not to go near him. If fear won’t stop you, I will.”

There was a warm feeling rising up from his chest but Mingyu tried to dismiss it, thinking it was just because Wonwoo was so close to him. However, he really couldn’t get rid of the image of Jaehyun shoving his face into Wonwoo’s neck. 

If he didn’t sin with his emotions in terms of lust, he certainly was sinning in terms of anger. His urge to take Wonwoo forcefully had never reached the point where thoughts would become action, but his anger certainly did. And not only was he angry, he was ashamed. He’d let his love for Wonwoo be beaten by rage? It was almost like an addiction; an escape from reality and dealing with things. 

Why couldn’t he just open up?

“Well, I don’t want you to be worried about me. I’ll report to you after our date.” Wonwoo teased, hiding his own anger

“Wait, what?”

“I’m just joking.” Wonwoo hissed, rubbing his wrist where Mingyu had squeezed it. 

You better be.

As Mingyu retracted his hands from Wonwoo, he noticed the bruise that he had inflicted on the shorter boy’s skin. 

Wonwoo looked down at the spot, like he was watching someone fish for needles in his veins.

“Wonu, I’m sorry.”

“Wh-” he mouthed the words, as if in disbelief. Could it have been that this was Mingyu’s way of apologizing. A sudden rush of excitement washed over him at the thought of being friends again. Mingyu only smiled nervously. Yet it expressed itself more like a wince.

“I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know, I just uh- when I’m angry, that’s all I am. Angry.” Mingyu chuckled awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck. His eyes were still locked on the ugly bruise.

“Oh that? I’ve gotten plenty of them before- I- I bruise easily. It’s not your fault.” Wonwoo replied, stopping himself before he could make any more missteps. 

Mingyu looked at him curiously but backed off indecisively, as if he wanted to go further but was too afraid too. He would have been opening a whole can of worms if he did, and it just seemed like too much. Besides, he didn’t even deserve to know anything more. His questioning of Wonwoo’s personal life with Jaehyun was already audacious enough. He laughed at the thought. He didn’t even have any right to be angry at Wonwoo or angry for him. He’d have to treat Wonwoo better if he wanted to earn it. Yet there was this large impasse between them. If only he had the strength of heart to cross it. 

Maybe that was why he had gotten a little bit drunk at the party last Saturday. If he hadn’t bumped into Tzuyu, he was sure that he would have been able to have swept Wonwoo off his feet. He was already super confident, owing it to his handsomeness and natural charm, but with Wonwoo, Wonwoo was supernatural. It would take more than handsomeness and charm to woo him. And that’s what struck him most.

No wonder it seemed like Wonwoo had given up on him. He didn’t have what it took.

But if he gave up on you, why the hell did he agree to talk to you?

It could have been a fact that Wonwoo wanted to get revenge on him and mess around with his feelings. But Sehun had already knocked some sense into him.

All the thoughts that were racing through his mind, just like the lustful ones and the angry ones… none of them were really his. Yeah, he could own them and take responsibility for his actions, but he knew he was better than those thoughts and urges. They didn’t own him.

He wouldn’t let them.

Well, hopefully Wonwoo wouldn’t, because he didn’t think he had the strength today. At least, it wasn’t the right time.

Right.

“Okay, I guess I should be walking you to class already?” Mingyu said, trying to smile. 

“You didn’t have to, but thanks.” the other replied with just as much effort.

“Hey, uhm, I was thinking, are you available after school today? I’m going to be interning at your dad’s office but- I was wondering if you could come, you know, keep me company?” Mingyu smiled sheepishly.

Wonwoo grimaced.

“My friend wants to hang out today, sorry. It would be rude to include another person. But I’m free tomorrow afternoon.”

“Who is it? Jungkook?” Mingyu cocked an eyebrow.

The black-haired boy choked.

“It’s Jaehyun, isn’t it?” 

A determined expression crossed Wonwoo’s face.

“Don’t give me that look Mingyu. It’s already hard enough to be nice to people let alone talk to them.”

“Then drop the act Wonwoo. I know Jaehyun has one too.”

“And you don’t?” Wonwoo scowled.

“No, I just don’t shout all my feelings to the world. You’re the one suppressing them.” 

The other boy scoffed.

“I can’t do this with you, sorry.” Wonwoo shook his head, trying to step around the other boy.

The football player grabbed the area below his elbows, careful to not bruise them as well.

“Go ahead and try to run from me Won. We still have a project to do, and I know someone like you has never gotten an ‘F’ in their life.”

Wonwoo struggled to get out of the other’s grip, only looking up at him out of desperation. 

“I’m not telling you anything. You’re the one who owes me.” 

“Wow, you’re pretty entitled.” Mingyu smirked, demeanor suddenly changing. 

One more push and Wonwoo might make a fool of himself. But would it be because Mingyu had pushed him to, or because Wonwoo really cared to open up to him?

“You’re making me want to agree to date Jaehyun now Mingyu.”

Mingyu huffed.

“I don’t think ‘agreement’ was ever in Jaehyun’s vocabulary. I didn’t know you were that naive.”

“Mingyu, I-I hate you.” Wonwoo spat, teeth clenching as he tried to wrestle himself out of the other’s clutches. The fight and spirit in him could be heard in his voice and felt in his warm hands. It was like fuel for Mingyu. Everytime Wonwoo fought him and tried to get away, he only wanted him more.

“Fuck Wonwoo, I know you don’t mean that. You’d say anything just to shock and distract me.”

“You already were distracted. And it wasn’t because of me.” 

At that, the taller boy exerted more force onto Wonwoo’s arms, ending the struggle within a blink of an eye. Wonwoo was left frozen and unable to move. Mingyu wasn’t playing anymore.

“I’ve gotten past that. You should too.”

Wonwoo glared at him.

“It may have meant nothing to you, but what you did still bears a lot of weight.”

“You’re right. It meant nothing. It was simply a casual fling, nothing that should make you this irrational.”

“Irrational?” Wonwoo breathed out, feeling as though he wanted to faint because Mingyu was bold enough to use that word. 

“It wasn’t like it hurt you or anything, and if it did, I’m sorry for that. But you need to get over it. It’s not like we were dating or anything.” Mingyu laughed.

“So I don’t know what else there is to clear up. I just came clean to you, so, there’s nothing else that should make things awkward for us anymore. I’ve acknowledged the problem, that should be enough right? Let’s just move on and let it pass between us.”

Wonwoo didn’t even want to give him an answer. He couldn’t explain where he was coming from if Mingyu didn’t even want to solve the problem. The only competition Mingyu had with Jaehyun was in terms of who could be more stupid. 

Then again, he didn’t know what could be going on behind the scenes with Mingyu or what he was struggling with. And he could say the same for Jaehyun. Of course that didn’t excuse their actions, but, suspending judgement and letting things progress seemed to be the best option. He wasn’t going to forgive and forget just yet, but it could help to let things flow. Only then could they look back in time and truly understand the root of their problems.

Hopefully.

Wonwoo shook his head, not agreeing to go along with Mingyu’s line of thinking. He was tired of waiting for Mingyu to do something. Jungkook had told him to fight for their friendship, but he didn’t want to fight anymore. He just wanted to surrender to love. But Mingyu wasn’t getting the goddamned memo.

“Whatever then, be that way.” Mingyu grunted.

“I didn’t forget about the project. Where do you want to edit the photos we took? Do you have the right app on your computer for it?”

Wonwoo couldn't stand to look at Mingyu anymore.

“No, my computer won’t download it for some reason.”

“Alright, looks like you're coming to my house tomorrow.” the football player replied, raking a hand through his hair. He was going to put an arm around Wonwoo to get them walking again but Wonwoo spun around and eyed him coldly. He didn’t even utter a ‘okay’ or an acknowledgement.

“Did you want something?”

Mingyu only shook his head, scowling at the sight of Wonwoo looking down at his phone. Wonwoo may not have meant it but texting his arch rival was some sweet revenge. He had to give Wonwoo that.

“No.”

“Alright, can you tell the professor I dismissed myself.”

“Why?”

Wonwoo flashed him a look as if he wanted to ask him if he was being serious. Mingyu took it as a tease.

“C’mon Wonwoo, I’m just making sure you’ll be safe. I know Jaehyun’s itching to get his hands on you.” Mingyu chuckled.

“Totally.” 

“Alright, I know you’ll give up your grudge against me soon.” he winked.

“Oh it goes deeper than that.” Wonwoo snorted as he turned to walk down the corridor that led to the lobby. 

“Well you can get your revenge on me after the project’s over. You might not care but I want an ‘A’ and I need you.”

Wonwoo’s breath hitched and he stopped in his tracks.

“What was that?”

Mingyu looked as though he had just been called out for telling a bad joke.

“I need you for this project. So I don’t want your issues with me to get in the way or cause us to fail.”

It took a second for the black-haired boy to process it but he came back even more spiteful than before.

“Yeah, okay.” Wonwoo replied, wanting to bawl with laughter at Mingyu’s obnoxious smile. How could he smile like that after admitting his true intentions so callously. How stupid did Mingyu think he was? 

Or was he actually?

“Look, I didn’t mean it like that Wonwoo, you’re overreacting. Why the fuck do you always have to take everything so seriously?”

“I stopped a long time ago.” he smiled to himself, looking down at his phone to escape Mingyu’s deadly stare. 

“Wonwoo-” Mingyu called, ready to run after him.

“See you tomorrow.” 

________________________________________________________

Jaehyun: 

We’re gonna hang after school today. Mingyu really got on my nerves, when can I show him that you’re mine? 

Wonwoo:

Okay.

And never. But I do think you asking for permission is the funniest but also the most sweetest thing. It’s disgusting.

  
  


Jaehyun:

You have the weirdest reactions babe, ngl. 

Wonwoo:

Watch it.

Jaehyun:

You’re frustrating Won

Jaehyun:

Meet me outside the lobby. I want to take you somewhere. 😈

Wonwoo:

Take me home.

Wonwoo:

Actually no, I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.

Jaehyun:

You already had the wrong idea. Let’s go to the park or walk the boardwalk. 

Wonwoo:

Alright, but no funny business. And I’m leaving before sundown.

Jaehyun:

Our relationship isn’t business princess. 

Jaehyun:

Sundown is the most romantic part. How else will you fall in love with me?

🤕

Wonwoo:

Try to be a better person idk.

Wonwoo: 

I guess I got nothing😇.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I like doing my own thing and am proud of my work, I hope you liked this chapter. It went wayyyyy longer then I thought. I know you guys want Jaehyun x Wonwoo but I gotta ease them into it HAHAH. I hear you! 
> 
> The title came to me so last minute. I love Amy Winehouse songs and I remember the lyrics to What is it About Men? YALL NEED TO LISTEN TO IT HAHA


	26. The Grand Inquisitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So basically I made Wonwoo into a child genius, I don't know what that's about lmao
> 
> OMG NICKI MINAJ IS PREGNANT I CANT BELIEVE THE DAY HAS COME
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTES AT END!

  
  


Jaehyun had opted to skip football practice so that their hangout could last longer, but Wonwoo insisted otherwise.

It shocked the black-haired boy that he would think it, but he didn’t want Jaehyun getting yelled at by his coach. He himself felt as though he had done enough yelling at the boy, even if he was a little deviant. He was still childish and immature, and... still a child. 

Although he didn’t want to treat Jaehyun like that. 

The whole thing was exactly like a poem he had read in the Brothers Karamazov. It was a novel by the Russian writer Dostoevsky whom he had read in his childhood. In a poem within the novel, a man known as the Grand Inquisitor tempts a Jesus Christ who had returned to earth during the Spanish Inquisition.

He recalled that the Grand Inquisitor had said men were only sheep. That it didn’t matter whether they became subordinate to another man, so long as that man fed them, like Christ was supposed to. He was supposed to make the world into a utopia, wasn’t he? That was the question that the Grand Inquisitor had taunted him with although Dostoevsky always had an answer. The villains in his novels were certainly not weak and easy to dismiss. So it always brought a sense of satisfaction but also relief whenever Wonwoo read how Dostoevsky made his protagonists respond.

Yet what the Grand Inquisitor had said stuck with him. 

_ Men just want to be like children with no responsibility. _

It sounded familiar in regards to a certain someone. 

The Grand Inquisitor then went on to explain to Christ that men were by nature vassals who wanted to be led. Furthermore, only by lowering one’s respect for his fellow men, could one be kinder to them. 

Yet was it out of kindness that he was now with Jaehyun? Sitting next to him in the passenger seat of his truck? 

Kindness to Wonwoo was one of the most primitive emotions. Did it make people better? Or did it make him and other people feel better? Thus, there had to be a distinction from being kind and being virtuous. A wife could be kind and let her deadbeat drug dealer husband back into her life but the act of kindness did a disservice to the both of them. 

It wasn’t like Wonwoo was endorsing mean-spiritedness, just rational thinking. 

But that was all that it was about, thinking. Jaehyun wanted all the answers from him but would not bother to do any of the thinking. And Wonwoo didn’t blame him. It was a curse to be blessed with the knowledge of good and evil, at least, with a glimpse of it. If Wonwoo knew right and wrong then he bore responsibility for all his actions. Meanwhile Jaehyun’s defense could be ‘I didn’t know’, ‘he deceived me’, ‘he played with my feelings’ and whatever else people pulled out of their asses and not their heads.

Jaehyun could make him feel like the Devil sometimes. He just had so much control over him. Wonwoo felt like the apple hanging off the tree, waiting to be taken a bite out of. Jaehyun always looked at him like he wanted to. No amount of fluff and cuteness would be able to mask it. 

Yet Jaehyun wasn’t a lost cause. He wasn’t like a deadbeat drug dealer husband in the making. Right?

Not on his watch. There was a chance that Mingyu could get his act together and rescue him in time. But he wasn’t going to leave Jaehyun like that; like he was only a substitute. Just by being in the same car with the football player Wonwoo had already expressed good will towards him. Jaehyun was still a value, to someone out there and above.

You know what, he thought, he’d pray for him.

Yes, that’s what he’ll do.

Wonwoo’s face broke out into a smile and he tried to cover it up by ducking his head. Not only did he see himself in the reflection of the window but the older boy seemed to have caught sight of it as well. 

Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow.

“What’s got you smiling beautiful?” 

Wonwoo tried to recover his blank stare but his expression still contained mischief. 

“Oh I was just remembering something funny.” Wonwoo replied, finally releasing a breath. 

“That’s weird.”

“What?”

“You didn’t blush?”

Wonwoo turned to look at him.

“About the subtle compliment?”

“Yeah, can’t be because they’ve worn off on you.” Jaehyun smirked.

“Maybe it’s because I’m so used to them.” the younger shrugged, although he knew only Mingyu could make him blush. Heck, one look from Mingyu would make him faint like a Victorian virgin. 

“Well I’m not gonna stop from giving you more. You need a lot of compliments. Everyone knows you're beautiful but no one has the guts to tell you. I don’t blame them, your beauty’s got a fatal edge to it.”

“Like a rose with thorns. Where have I heard that before?” Wonwoo yawned. 

“When I told you that you were beautiful in our past life together.” Jaehyun smirked, deflecting the other’s nudge.

“Too bad I couldn’t have made you stay dead.” Wonwoo laughed, causing the brown-haired boy to shake his head. 

“Hey I skipped football practice for you, don’t be mean Wonu.”

“And I skipped photography class, I’m paying for that course you know.” 

“Yeah but I saved you from having to sit with Mingyu so you owe me today.”

Wonwoo clicked his tongue, not wanting to venture into trashing the other football player with his arch enemy.

“Alright, where do you want to go today. It’s up to you. You’re driving.”

“Yeah but you’re my date so…”

“Hold on, we’re hanging. Don’t let your ego make you think otherwise. I was being generous by agreeing to hang out. Don’t test me Jae.” Wonwoo glared.

“And don’t let your ego think that you’re too good for me.”

Wonwoo scoffed.

“I’m not too good for anyone and I never thought that. It’s not like you can’t get on my level.”

Jaehyun smirked.

“Wow, guess I’ll have to work for it.”

“Just like we all have to.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes although he gave a gentle smile to the brown-haired boy.

What Jaehyun had said reminded him of something. An old manuscript called the  _ Instruction of Ani _ , an Egyptian text that promoted the idea that one had to work to become virtuous. That virtue wasn’t given to someone like bread, nor was virtue supposed to be taken upon the shoulders of men who would be virtuous for the rest of humanity. Everyone had a moral obligation and everyone could live the good life; a life of moderation and virtue as Aristotle put it. Or one could take the Existentialist view and decide to make their own character. The German philosopher Nietzsche took it to the extreme by saying that only a certain class of men who he called the Übermensch, with their will and superiority, would create their own morality. 

Wonwoo could only admire the strength and might of such a man but he disagreed that such powers were confined only to a certain class. Besides that, Wonwoo didn’t believe that values could be created. They had to be found. Just like the laws of physics. That is why when men worked, they had to be striving to achieve the good life. And only through the beauty of wisdom and knowledge could they achieve it. 

That was what Jaehyun had made him realize. Although, he wasn’t sure Jaehyun was on the right track. Wonwoo didn’t think of himself as much to look at, but if he had to get something he wanted he knew he would have to dress up and look good. 

Jaehyun hadn’t passed that stage. He was still playing the game. He couldn’t see beyond his desires, beyond his flawless skin or the pink lips of the boy he was chasing. He was still in a world of sensations and shadows, not of truth and wisdom. 

Jaehyun may have bit his lip when he looked at him. He may have looked for a little too long. But he still looked at him. Wonwoo wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to change someone who had the potential to listen to reason. Hopefully.

“Well if I’m going to work for anything I’ll do it for you. Got it?” 

Wonwoo fiddled with his seat belt.

“No, do it for yourself. Seriously. You already work for my father. You had to put up with my rejections and you put in a lot of effort trying to woo me. So I think it’s time you work for yourself. Be your own boss. I’d like that.” Wonwoo nodded, giving Jaehyun a playful smile.

“You’d like that? Okay.” Jaehyun smirked. “Did Jeon Wonwoo just flirt back?”

“I was only trying to make you see my point.” 

“I wanna see more.” the older boy winked. 

“Why do I even bother?” Wonwoo replied, looking up at the roof of the vehicle, as if God had forsaken him. 

“Because you love me and it’s worth it.” 

“Being nice is always worth it.” Wonwoo said, looking scandalized, as if he hadn’t pulled that off google images or A-Z Quotes. 

“You were a little more than nice. Just saying.” 

“I was getting into the act I’m supposed to be playing.”

Jaehyun huffed, pulling into the parking lot of a large forested area. There were wide open spaces with green grass and scattered trees. There was even a pond too. Wonwoo could sit here all day.

The two stepped out and converged onto the gravel pathway which led into the park. They passed massive granite stones, walking next to each other as the both of them took in nature’s serenity.

“Have you been here before?” the football player asked, turning to look at him. Wonwoo’s breath hitched slightly, although it wasn’t noticeable.

“No.” he said rather melodiously. 

“It’s weird because I was raised in New York City but I’ve never gone here.”

“Your dad ever take you out anywhere?” 

Wonwoo shook his head, still staring at the scenery in front of them.

“Taking care of me was already enough for him. He’s a very busy man.”

“What the- Wonu, are you serious?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“What about your mother?”

“It was a hard job for her too, and my father wasn’t the best husband.”

“Or the best father.” Jaehyun muttered, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Well I’m not going to let bitterness and resentment eat me up for the rest of my life. I’ve forgiven them.” 

“Yeah but- I- don’t you think forgiveness requires understanding why they did certain things? Don’t you have to try to understand your enemies and why they did something in order to forgive them. Forgiveness is a big deal. I don’t think you can push things under the rug that easily.”

“That’s why I haven’t. Because, that  _ is  _ what creates the bitterness and resentment. It makes things toxic and allows it to fester. But my parents don’t want to talk about it and I’ve accepted that. All I’m going to do is be a good son and obey them. That won’t solve all our problems but it will make things easier.”

“For them.” 

“You and I don’t know what they could be dealing with. They have their own lives too.” Wonwoo snapped, prompting Jaehyun to step in front of him and grab his arms.

“So do you!”

“I’m not the center of the universe.”

Jaehyun looked at him with a pained expression.

“You are to me.” 

Wonwoo inhaled a breath.

“Jae you’re being delusional. I don’t want you to get so attached to me, for your sake, and for mine.” 

“And you don’t think you’re delusional too? You’d let Mingyu use you like a doormat but you won’t let me kiss you.”

“I did, in the library.”

“You have to put in effort to surrender. I don’t know what you did back there, or what you  _ didn’t  _ do.” 

So Jaehyun wasn’t stupid after all. Wonwoo should have known. Their very first meeting should have suggested to Wonwoo that he wasn’t dealing with a buffoon. 

“Let me do something for you, for once in your life. I can tell you’ve always been the one who initiates everything. Men might be drawn in by your allure, but they're frightened off. You can feel it. I know you want someone who’s better than you, who can beat you into submission. You want a hero don’t you. You’re so desperate you’d worship anyone you come across who bears the faintest sign of promise. Maybe it’s because you haven’t been around any great men that you don’t know what they look like. You don’t know what you're missing.”

Jaehyun grinned.

“You don’t know what you already have.” he added.

“Stop it. Just stop.” Wonwoo clenched his teeth but the other boy persisted with a determined expression.

“I’m going to take care of you for the rest of my life. I don’t care if work is too demanding. You’d be my only value, my only obligation. I’d live for you Wonwoo. Just get that in your head.” he whispered, leaning towards him. Jaehyun’s jawline grazed Wonwoo’s cheek as the older boy brought him closer into his chest.

“I don’t care how messed up and broken you are. Nothing will get in the way between you and me. I swear. Not even Mingyu.”

“I want you to be lovesick for me and no one else. You’re mine.” Jaehyun growled, standing straight up as he said it. He looked into Wonwoo’s eyes as if he was trying to see through them.

Wonwoo closed his eyes, not resisting the other boy’s grip on his arms. Jaehyun held them out in front of him, as if he had asked him to dance. Wonwoo didn’t want it to be true. He never wanted this to happen. 

And then Jaehyun cracked a smile, finding Wonwoo’s inner conflict to be amusing. Now he was in control. Isn’t that what Wonwoo wanted?

Unlike Wonwoo, who stood there frozen in place and in anticipation. Jaehyun went for it and kissed Wonwoo’s forehead. Despite being light and harmless, it marked what was his. 

Wonwoo certainly got the memo, even if he had been overthinking. But at least Jaehyun had made him stop, for once. Jaehyun had pulled him out of the abyss of his thoughts. Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile and look down at his feet in embarrassment. However his face seemed more snide and sarcastic. It didn’t completely sit right with him, the kiss. But he knew how much it meant to Jaehyun, especially with that bright and endearing smile of his. It just had to be trademarked. 

After staring at him for a few seconds as Jaehyun backed away by a step, Wonwoo’s expression went from blank to bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. He couldn’t be more enchanted with Jaehyun’s daring boldness and so he chased the brown-haired boy back, wrapping his arms around the man as he himself was without words.

Jaehyun was taken aback only for a second, but relaxed into the hug. Being the sly dog that he was, Jaehyun lifted Wonwoo’s wrist towards his neck and placed his own hands on the younger’s body. 

The brown-haired boy’s vision was blocked by Wonwoo’s black voluminous hair. But with enough feeling around, Jaehyun’s hands found the latter’s waist and hips. 

Jaehyun looked smug and he stared ahead at the trees behind Wonwoo, wondering how he could be so lucky. He looked down at the crook of Wonwoo’s neck and went to nuzzle him there but as soon as the younger felt the intrusion, Wonwoo wrangled his head away.

“What?” Jaehyun asked, genuinely perplexed. 

“I don’t want to rouse your passions in a moment of friendship.” Wonwoo replied, starting to regret initiating the hug.

The football player chuckled.

“And me kissing you was a moment of friendship? Who are you trying to fool Wonwoo?”

“If I ruined the moment then you’re ruining it twice as much.” Wonwoo groaned, skirting around the question.

Jaehyun released a breath, a very low and angry one.

He didn’t want to argue, nor was he going to let the late afternoon go down the drain. He had hoped that Wonwoo would grow comfortable with him if he had shown him the other side of his character but apparently it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get Wonwoo to like him with just words, and actions spoke louder than words didn’t they? Words may have been Wonwoo’s arena, but actions were his.

“C’mere.” Jaehyun said, not giving Wonwoo any time to answer, rather, he recaptured Wonwoo’s arms and brought him closer to him. Wonwoo didn’t put any effort in walking forward and his shoes simply slid across the gravel. 

They didn’t hug this time. Instead, Jaehyun held him by his back so that he was now looking up at the older boy and the older boy was looking down at him. 

“You always wanted to look up at a man didn’t you?” the football player cocked an eyebrow.

Wonwoo’s face said nothing, although he wanted to jab the boy above him. But he decided not to and let Jaehyun have his moment.

Their moment.

“What’s the matter? I haven’t taken out all the fight that you had in you, have I?”

“Don’t push your luck.” Wonwoo retorted, still breathing heavily from the rush of adrenaline that Jaehyun’s abruptness gave him.

Jaehyun smirked.

“I love you.” 

He said it as if it was a reminder.

Wonwoo looked away, closing his eyes. His body was now limp, as if he had just fainted. He really was dancing with the Devil. And now he had come to an impasse. If only he hadn’t agreed to hangout with the older boy, then he wouldn’t be in this predicament. 

At least, his willingness to hangout with Jaehyun had nothing to do with making Mingyu jealous. There wasn’t any practical purpose for it anyways. Mingyu had made it clear that he was only interested in girls. It was his loss.

While Wonwoo’s head dangled from his shoulder in despair, Jaehyun’s hand took hold of his chin, bringing him back to face him. 

“You can’t make me say it.” Wonwoo said, breaking his silence before Jaehyun would come up with something clever to say. 

“Someday.” the brown-haired boy replied, bringing Wonwoo’s face closer to his by the chin. Jaehyun’s lips pressed against his forehead again and this time he closed his eyes in an attempt to enjoy it. He wanted to block out every noise, image, smell and taste. He just wanted to feel Jaehyun’s lips and the comfort they had brought him. 

But he didn’t do things for comfort. That wasn’t Wonwoo’s motto. This was wrong, for him. But he wasn’t going to ‘spoil the moment’. And so he patted Jaehyun’s shoulder lightly, prompting the older boy to stop. Jaehyun was so confused that he didn’t know what hit him when Wonwoo brushed past him, walking towards the pond.

“C’mon. We need some exercise. Put a little pep in your step!” Wonwoo called. 

Jaehyun put his hands back in his pockets, catching up to the other. He was a little dismayed but he knew he could chase Wonwoo all day. Heck, he was the one with the car. Wonwoo had no escape.

As Wonwoo waited in the middle of the gravel pathway, he found himself entranced by the dark blue color of the pond, the sunset against the trees, and the orange and pink in the sky. Wonwoo felt a sudden sadness wash over him, most likely a natural result of the sunset. But then again, who the hell got sad by watching the sunset?

Suddenly, he felt a hand take his, and he turned to see a straight-faced Jaehyun pulling him along the waterfront. The football player wasn’t playing anymore. 

“Let’s get that exercise babe.” Jaehyun grinned.

“Lead the way.” Wonwoo sighed, muffling a laugh.

A couple of minutes passed with the sounds of leaves rustling and geese flying overhead. He wished he could simply walk with his beloved for the rest of his life, even if no words were exchanged. It was moments like these that made him feel content, like there was nothing else in the world to worry about. 

It was all weird to him. The sunset made him feel that way, but just with the sounds of nature drowning out the noise of the city…. It was like being in another dimension. Yet it’s bizarreness was a part of why he liked it. 

Jaehyun didn’t seem to be in tune with the same stuff he was in tune with. Or rather, he was too much of a distraction since he would catch the football player stealing glances at him in his periphery. Yet he found Jaehyun’s presence sweet and enjoyable.

It was only when Jaehyun began staring at him with that smug expression of his that Wonwoo finally had enough.

“What, what is it?” Wonwoo asked, his expression neutral although it held a tiredness to it.

The question made Jaehyun snicker.

“You. Obviously.” 

“Tell me. I’m not good with the obvious.”

Jaehyun looked down at how their feet faced each other, trying not to laugh.

“Are we dating now?” 

“No.”

“But what do you call this? You’re letting me hold your hand. That’s what couples do.”

“You’re right, I’m letting you.”

“Ouch.”

“Sorry. But it’s true.” Wonwoo smiled, although his tone was less positive. It sounded more like a reassurance. 

“Will you lie for me then? Lie and say we’re dating. I want to hear you say it.”

Wonwoo breathed out through his nose and crossed his arms. He kicked a pebble, taking his sweet time to think.

“Alright.” Wonwoo said reluctantly. “Come here.” he added, beckoning Jaehyun to lend him his ear. As Jaehyun turned his head, Wonwoo cupped his ear and leaned in to whisper.

“In your dreams.”

“The fuck.”

“Bye!” Wonwoo laughed, running off into the distance. 

Jaehyun could only narrow his eyes. Then his confusion changed to determination.

“Someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guyssss I'm thinking about taking a "vacation" for two weeks once I get to a pivotal chapter I'm planning to write. But it won't be really soon. BUTTTTTTT OMG, I like switching things up and alternating between writing different things. OKAY so here's what I started to write:
> 
> A Meanie alpha x omega AU  
> A Meanie fanfic set in Ancient Egypt where Wonwoo is a pharaoh and Mingyu is a Roman General  
> AND A meanie fanfic set in the Wild West and Mingyu is like some sort of bandit and Wonwoo is like a prissy rich aristocrat. 
> 
> I have other stories planned and I'm so EXCITED
> 
> LOL not that my ideas are the greatest but hopefully if you guys want you can feel free to use them. I won't be completing these fanfics for a while. But i already started them so hopefully I can share this year!


	27. The Problem of Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonwoo has a couple mental explosions in this chapter. Lol forgive me for "philosophizing" in this chapter. I'm passionate about a lot of things as you can see MWAHAHAH
> 
> ALSO, YOU HAVE TO READ MY FRIEND Kookah_hyung and their stories! Love itttttt! 
> 
> I'll give shout outs to any of my friends/readers who want them. Love ya'll
> 
> OOOOO and I just posted my Meanie alpha x omega fanfic!

Jun drove him to school again. His best friend’s sense of humor wore off any of the awkwardness that remained between them. 

“So what did you do with Jaehyun yesterday?”

“Wh- how did you know?” 

“You never skipped classes back in high school. Plus you're paying for your tuition. Must have been really important.”

“So?”

“There was a fifty fifty chance between the reason being your dad and Jaehyun. I guess I got it right on the first try.”

“You’re making it sound like I actually wanted to hang out with Jaehyun.” Wonwoo’s expression soured.

“I just wanted to get away from Mingyu.” He added.

Jun looked as though he had just watched Wonwoo solve the world's most complex puzzle.

“So that’s why Mingyu looked like he wanted to kill someone yesterday!” Jun said, pointing towards him.

“Jun watch the road!” 

“Relax, we’re fine.” His friend rolled his eyes. “But your story doesn’t add up. If you just wanted to get away from Mingyu then why did you hang out with Jaehyun?”

“Can we drop it?” 

“No, I’m your best friend. I want to know. This isn’t entertainment for me. This is serious drama that’s going on.”

Wonwoo closed his eyes and laid back in his seat.

“I don’t think he’s that bad of a guy. I wanted to cut him some slack. That’s all.”

Jun nodded slowly.

“I get it. And I think that’s pretty kind of you.”

“Yeah, kind.” Wonwoo laughed to himself.

“I just think you're stirring something up with Mingyu. This isn’t going to end well. Yeah he’s a dick but he’s a dick that can do a lot of damage. He was willing to send Shownu to the hospital just for you and the thing Shownu had for you pales into comparison to what Jaehyun has. That fight in the parking lot was a joke. This is a whole fucking war and I don’t want you caught in the crossfire. Make peace while you can.” 

“I figured Mingyu and Jaehyun were adult enough to make peace on their own. They are grown men aren’t they?”

Jun blew air out from between his pursed lips. 

“Guess they aren’t. That’s the facts. It falls on your shoulders now. They may look like they are grown but in here...” Jun said, knocking on his head. “They aren’t. They’re still boys.” 

“Here’s the inconvenient truth. You’re gonna be affected by all their flaws and the stupid shit they do. You’re going to be on the brunt of their scuffles and stupidity whether you’re the cause of it or not. But you have to take it... make something out of it.”

“I think I am. With Jaehyun.” Wonwoo said, his voice soft but optimistic and reassuring.

“Mingyu cares about you too.” Jun said, as if he was saddened by Wonwoo’s unwillingness to talk about him. 

“I thought he did.”

“He doesn’t know how to express it Won. Let him know that he still has a chance with you. Give him another one.”

“Why does it always have to be me?” Wonwoo said angrily. “Now I gotta clean up other people’s problems? Mingyu needs to grow up. For once I just want to have someone who I don’t need to fix. Yeah, I like trying to understand people’s problems and I like helping my friends talk about their issues. I just want someone who will take mine away too. Mingyu was suppose to be like that. But he just hurt m- he wasn’t the right one I guess. Time to move on. I don’t want to sound like a martyr because I’m not. I know people have it worse than me. Heck people are dying everyday and here I am making a fool out of myself because of some stupid crush. But I guess we all have our problems. I just- The burden’s too much sometimes. There are these moments I have when I watch the sunset. It’s always the sunset. It’s when I can’t help but realize that- that I- I’ll never find the perfect man .”

He felt coldness near his collarbone, like the coldness of metal. It was most felt on his clavicle but it circled his neck as well. 

It was cold and neglected. 

And then it came to him.

As Jaehyun was so focused on him, he was just as focused on someone else, someone other than who they all should have been focused on. Perhaps that was the true fall of man. 

He was overcome with guilt. He wasn’t missing anything in life except that which he had ignored. 

“Wonwoo I know that if you only try to make things right, even if it’s not your fault, you’d make the world a better place. Believe me.”

“I’m starting to care for Jaehyun and the last thing I need is to get myself entrenched in Mingyu’s problems. He needs to come to me if he wants to be my friend. If not, then it’s fine. There’s nothing else to it.” 

“He was really angry yesterday. It wasn’t so much jealousy Wonwoo. I know he was mad at himself. All of us knew. He cares about you.”

“Don’t do this to me Jun. You know I’m trying to just be friends with him. You’re going to make me like him again. He’s going to be the death of me, seriously. I can’t.” Wonwoo shook his head and crossed his arms.

“You guys are meant for each other. No joke.” Jun groaned.

II

He didn’t tell Jun that Jaehyun texted him. Out fear of his friend continuing to heckle him, Wonwoo simply asked to be dropped off outside the lobby under the pretense that he had to get to class early. 

Jun didn’t ask questions but a sly smile became etched on his face. His friend shook his head after spotting something through the passenger window and returned back to staring ahead through the windshield. Wonwoo’s head whipped towards the figure walking across the large cement squares coming closer to his side. 

Great. Jun wouldn’t let him see the end of it.

“Thanks.” Wonwoo muttered, opening the door before the boy outside could and he slid out as if he were on a water slide. He was even more evasive and slippery when the older tried to take his hand. 

“I don’t like PDA.” Wonwoo said over the rumbling of Jun’s engine leaving the driveway. He eyed the football player’s arm as it got closer to him and winced as it made contact with the bruise on his wrist. Why did he wear shorter sleeves today?

“Too bad.” 

Jaehyun’s fingers crawled down to his but Wonwoo had closed them in his palm to deal with the pain.

“Hey, you okay?” the older boy asked, turning 180 degrees to face him. Wonwoo looked up from where he was counting the squares on the ground to distract himself. 

“Yeah, I’m just anxious as usual.” 

“I don’t think so.” Jaehyun grinned, although his expression betrayed what he was truly feeling. He wasn’t happy after spotting the dark purple bruise beneath Wonwoo’s palm, nevermind the fact that Wonwoo lied to him.

“What’s this? He continued, raising the younger’s arm as if he was a puppet. 

“I bumped into something. Now can we get going? This is a lobby not airport security. No need to feel me all over.” 

“Since when did I do anything because I needed to?” Jaehyun smirked, getting distracted by how Wonwoo’s eyes held so much emotion yet his face couldn’t express it. Despite all of his confidence, Jaehyun felt unworthy to see it. It would be like spending unearned money.

The football player’s eyes darted back down to the bruise and his fingers formed a ring around Wonwoo’s arms to hold it in place.

“Don’t lie. Who gave this to you?”

Wonwoo gave him a tired look.

“You already know. Why should I even bother lying? You’re just going to prolong your petty rivalry.”

“So you want me to prolong my rivalry if I do it for you?”

“End it for me then.”

“Well Mingyu’s gonna have to keep his hands to himself next time. See, I’m giving him a second chance. After the last straw he won’t be bothering you again, trust me.”

Wonwoo didn’t even have to _refrain_ from rolling his eyes. Rather, he took Jaehyun’s hand off his arm and folded their fingers together. He could have just said ‘thank you’ but of course actions spoke louder than words. And sometimes, actions dug bigger trenches.

Jaehyun didn’t make any snarky remark nor did he gleam with pride. He simply took Wonwoo’s chin from where it had been lowered in submission and lifted it so that their eyes were level. 

“Is this the boundary for you?”

Wonwoo maintained his cold and dignified expression, unwilling to go any further. Yet when was his willingness ever something to be considered. He wanted a man whose will was stronger than his own.

“For now.” 

III

Mingyu made him dismiss himself early right as photography class started. Their professor knew that they were leaving to work on the project, although he trusted Wonwoo more than the school’s star football player. The man also was eager to see the two resolve any tension that they had going on between them. It may have been in the name of genuine concern for his students, or for entertainment.

Wonwoo couldn’t say Mingyu made him, but Mingyu did say that he couldn’t skip football practice and that leaving early to do the project was the only way. That and Wonwoo liked the feeling it gave him when he let Mingyu control his schedule, as if everything was in his hands and he didn’t have to think. He also liked how Mingyu spoke to him, delivering ultimatums without any compromises. It would have been completely uncharacteristic of the football player to have done that before when they were still friends. If they were still friends Mingyu would have given Wonwoo puppy-dog eyes, pouted, or held on to his shoulders as he tried to persuade him. But now, his facade had changed. 

Or was it really a change of facades? Perhaps it was more like a metamorphosis. 

They managed to make small talk in the car, with the both of them putting an equal amount of effort in. Although Wonwoo’s tone of voice still made him look indifferent and Mingyu’s tense expression made him look abrasive and disinterested.

The football player put on the radio but none of them bobbed their heads or tapped their feet. It was just something that canceled-out the awkward silence. It was as if the actual sound of the music was a barrier between them. And here he thought music was a universal language.

Wonwoo couldn’t care less about the awkward situation. He was more or less angry about yesterday but he didn't want to give Mingyu that kind of power over him. Mingyu could make him flustered, but he wouldn’t let the guy make him angry. Anger may have been a pleasant emotion but unwarranted anger was really a stain on his capacity to be rational and level-headed. So Wonwoo simply stared out the window, sight seeing while trying not to get dizzy with all the things flying by. Mingyu being a fast driver was an understatement. He just wondered whether the taller boy was speeding because he didn’t want to be in the same car as him or because time for the project was limited. 

Why should he care? Why was he stooping that low, still wondering if Mingyu had a shred of feelings for him? Since when did his existence depend on another man? Was Mingyu the confused emotional parasite? Or was he? 

He didn’t even want to entertain the question. Now was not the time for his mind to act foolish and run rampant. Just a few more hours and he’d be free to vent his frustrations. Maybe he’d punch a pillow or maybe he’d finish his book in one night. For once in his life he guessed he’ll wait and see to find out. 

It didn’t help his mind rest when he spotted Mingyu’s hands gripping the steering wheel like that time he was going to choke the life out of Shownu. Wonwoo could even see the veins coursing through his arms thanks to Mingyu’s short sleeve t-shirt. Did he seriously have to wear that today? That wasn’t helping his mind either.

Luckily they reached Mingyu’s house before Wonwoo could faint from the stifling and bothering heat. It wasn’t massive however it was one of the most modern-looking and contemporary. It’s minimalist style and lack of detail was compensated with its elaborate hedges and flower garden lining the front of the house and along the sidewalk. As if for extra security, a white picket fence lined the front yard signifying the last semblance of the old American suburb. Wonwoo loved the look of the house but he was most transfixed by the hydrangeas and rose bushes, boasting all sorts of colors.

“Did your parents plant those flowers?” Wonwoo asked, forgetting about the tension on Mingyu’s expression. 

“My mom did. It’s her hobby.” Mingyu shrugged, unlocking the doors as he got out.

“How new is this house? I wish I lived-”

“If I answer will you stop asking questions? We’re not here to make small talk. And it’s five years old.”

Wonwoo gave him a dirty look, crossing his arms and speeding up to get to the front door before Mingyu. He waited for the football player to open the door for him as he stared at one of the corners under the portico. 

A spike of anxiety rushed up his spine at the thought of meeting Mingyu’s mother. Just by the garden he knew she would be a kind aging woman but he valued her opinion of him anyways. It was as if he had known her all his life. Nevermind being in the lair of his crush, his crush’s mother was the most important person, even if it turned out she was a witch.

Mingyu pushed the door open, not even bothering to quell his anxiety. Wonwoo’s head jerked towards the sound of it rubbing over the rigid metal slab on top of the doorstep and the next thing he knew Mingyu had wrapped his hand around his upper arm and pulled him inside. 

Wonwoo was about to take Mingyu’s hand off of him but he was paralyzed by the spacious and high-ceilinged open-floor plan of the house’s kitchen, dining room and foyer. On the right was a kitchen with a long marble island and an array of stainless steel appliances and panoramic windows. Off in the corner -which meant a couple dozen feet on the other side of the house, was a dining room with leather chairs and a glass table covering. One would expect that with all the space on the left that Mingyu’s parents would have put a sofa and coffee table there yet with the chandelier and floor-to-ceiling vertical windows it made a perfect reception room. Wonwoo guessed that the living room and fireplace was beyond the large mural-like beige stucco wall. It’s warm color fit nicely with the dark brown tile floors and the white plaster walls and ceiling. 

Wonwoo was totally moving in. 

“Who’s there?” the most elegant yet frightening voice asked. It simply was frightening because it _was_ elegant, something that made Wonwoo respect it.

“Me.” the taller boy replied, already making a run for the stairs.

“Is Wonwoo here?” the woman asked, finally coming into view from around the corner. Just by her tone Wonwoo could tell she was smiling. It was even warmer in person.

“Hi.” he grinned shyly, waving his hand as if he was telling her that he wasn’t a threat. Wonwoo felt small under her adoring eyes, the good kind of small. Although, he didn’t welcome the feeling. There was an image he was supposed to uphold, especially in front of Mingyu. Not once did he question how the woman knew his name, much less wonder if Mingyu bothered to tell his mother about him. 

“My gosh Wonwoo you are so adorable. Although you need to eat more. I want to pinch those cheeks of yours.” 

Mingyu grunted, already on the stairs. He turned around to gesture for Wonwoo to follow him.

“Just ignore her, c’mon.” 

“That would be rude.” he replied, as if he wasn’t stating the obvious.

“Finally, someone with manners around here. How was it possible that Mingyu made a friend like you. You are polar opposites.” the woman laughed, covering her mouth as her head fell back.

“He was lucky I guess.” Wonwoo let out, testing the waters.

“Oh you’re funny Wonwoo. I’m Hyuna but you can call me mother for short.” she said, gently touching her heart.

“Mom. I have practice later. Let’s go.” Mingyu glared at her. If his attitude wasn’t appalling enough, Wonwoo was confused by the way Mingyu extended his arm towards him from the staircase. Was he supposed to take it?

Hyuna was going to scold Mingyu but she noticed her son’s peculiar action as well. The football player’s eyes went from narrow to round and he gestured with his head for Wonwoo to take his hand. She saw how tender Mingyu’s smile looked -although it was barely noticeable without her insight as a mother. From Wonwoo’s distance it may have looked like a smirk but really there was an affectionate side to it.

Her eyes darted to Wonwoo’s slightly-shocked expression and she watched how he gulped and began to step forward. There was something going on between them, she knew it. Just who had Mingyu brought home with him? For Mingyu to act that gentlemanly with his friend, even if it was subconscious, was already an indicator that Wonwoo didn’t even occupy the status of being a ‘special friend’. It meant one thing.

Wonwoo was an enigma she would take pleasure in understanding. If only he was her son.

“Alright you two, the both of you aren’t leaving until you eat dinner. Wonwoo, I hope your mother knows you're here. You’re going to be staying okay?” Hyuna smiled, resting a hand on her hip.

Wonwoo smiled sheepishly, not bothering to go into detail with his reply. He was cut off however by Mingyu’s exasperated groan. The footballer’s hands fell to his side in frustration.

“The hell, it’s still going to be the afternoon when we are finished. That’s too early.”

“That’s why it’s called an early dinner.”

“Yeah, get with the program Gyu.” Wonwoo snickered, taking the opportunity to escape Hyuna’s interrogation as he walked towards the staircase.

“Leave the door open boys so you can hear me when I call you down.” 

Wonwoo blushed, thinking he had safely gotten away but of course there’d be another to crucify him. Mingyu had reached the top of the staircase and smirked at the sight of the shorter boy trying to look down at the steps to hide his face. 

“She’s just used to saying that whenever I bring a girl home. It’s a habit. You’re fine.” 

“Gee thanks.” Wonwoo shook his head, trying not to strangle the other boy. He hoped Mingyu was kidding, Hyuna would never allow her son to be that careless.

Yet he couldn’t help but wonder what Mingyu’s score was. It was sick to think that way but nowadays people spoke about their sexual exploits like they were body counts, like they were somehow a bigger person for fooling around with someone. Mingyu wasn’t like that? Right?

It was like a drug. The feeling one got from sleeping with someone. He didn’t think each man or each woman was able to provide a unique feeling for their partner in regards to emotion. If that were the case, people wouldn’t treat other people as if they were interchangeable parts coming off an assembly line of pleasure. 

Were there different types of happiness? Or simply different grades? One person might make one feel good, but the level of goodness varied among different partners. That was what made people unique however that was not the essence of a person. Instead it was a derivative and non-essential feature. Wonwoo believed the true essence of a person in the loving sense was the type of happiness they could make one feel. In the case of passionate love it was the sensual and hedonistic euphoria that partners gave to each other which provided the standard of measurement. A bad sex life was always one of the causes for a failed relationship. 

It was unfortunate that sex was treated as the pinnacle of a relationship’s development. It was important of course at one stage in life for it was the act of union between a loving couple but it would fade with age. But the mind… the mind was eternal. It was one’s soul. It didn’t matter whether it was dementia or alzheimers, the mind -if trained properly could sustain any physical assault from illness. It was truly immaterial and indestructible. It transcended the body by virtue of its capacity to break free from the laws of the physical world; like biological urges and psychological issues. If anything should be held on a pedestal it should not be the marble bust of a naked man but a landscape portrait of man’s achievement, for only the phenomenon of man’s mind could explain the magnificent skyline of New York. 

In the case of companionate love, the standard of measurement was the ability of the partner to make their lover content for the rest of their life together. Companionate love was not just about the lovers as they saw each other but the code of values that they both held, the vision that they shared and just what and who they worshipped. Just by one look at his father’s marriage and his escapades with other women Wonwoo knew that companionate love was by far superior to the deviance, superficiality and toxic barbarism that came along with passion and lust. 

Reason, virtue and free-will were the only things that could explain all the good in the world. That did not mean emotions were not responsible for the greatest works of art and literature. Rather, reason and higher-thinking was responsible for cultivating the artist’s emotions into a sophisticated sense of life, so complex but so understandable at first glance. Just by a look at a painting one could understand how the artist felt and the sense of life they held. Wonwoo wouldn’t say he was void of any emotion. He simply had an appreciation for the finer and more developed things in life. And since there wasn’t really anything like that around him, he guessed he would have to make a new world himself. Perhaps that was what would give his life meaning, the desire to make the barbarian mercenary into a knight, his knight. 

Speaking about barbarians, Mingyu’s shelf was lined with the goriest video games a high-schooler could dream of. 

“Do you read any books?” he asked, almost with agitation.

“Reading’s for losers. Plus video games help me vent my frustrations.”

_Did sleeping with Tzuyu do that too?_

“Makes sense.” Wonwoo shrugged, not at all feeling uncomfortable anymore even if he was in Mingyu’s room. All of the football and movie posters had sparked his interest but the bright light coming from the windows had a stronger pull. He could see the gray rooftops of houses down the street, the blobs of green from the trees and the bright blue canvas that was the sky. Downtown could be seen in the distance but the noise of the city couldn’t travel that far. 

He’d been dealing with _noise_ all of his life so he guessed he never really had a problem with it until he got to take in the silence of Mingyu’s neighborhood. 

“The view’s nice huh?” Mingyu asked, setting down his backpack.

Wonwoo had barely registered his question.

“Yeah, it’s… too perfect.”

The football player’s brows furrowed.

“What do you mean? It's not like the Grand Canyon.”

“Yeah I know. Nature’s cool. But I like the city more.”

“You don’t want to be alone?” 

“I guess. If I didn’t have anything else going on around me I’d probably go crazy. I like going to libraries because of the books, but if I want to read I’d rather be at a coffee shop. Plus I love coffee.” Wonwoo smiled, humming as he imagined the smell of it.

“You should’ve told me. I would have gotten it for you on the way here.” 

Wonwoo was slightly caught off guard by Mingyu’s behavior -even after the exchange they had yesterday, but when he turned around to face the other boy his breath hitched.

Mingyu was shirtless. Added on to that, the football player had been staring at the back of his head the whole time and Wonwoo just had to be confronted by his piercing eyes. 

The taller boy held his football jersey in his hand, not bothering to put it on anytime soon as he seemed to be enjoying Wonwoo’s reaction. The black-haired boy played it cool by crossing his arms and turning back around, even if his eyes had widened slightly and he had visibly gulped. Mingyu looked like a greek god with his bronze skin, six-pack- and was that a happy trail? 

Mingyu couldn’t become more ‘ideal’ or manlier. But Wonwoo reminded himself that such a thought was a product of the body’s biological needs not his soul’s intellectual ones.

_Stay strong._

Mingyu let out a chuckle as Wonwoo ‘granted him privacy’, taking his time to let his jersey fall down his arms as he raised them. 

It was interesting that Wonwoo thought of Mingyu as a greek god. Wonwoo was purely an iconoclast. He forbade himself from worshipping other idols and if Mingyu was made of marble he could have sworn that he would have destroyed his statue with a sledge hammer. That was. if his wrists didn’t break just by trying to pick it up.

“Are you done?” Wonwoo asked impatiently.

“Yeah, what’s the big deal? Never seen a guy without his shirt before?” 

“I was being courteous.” 

“I know I’m handsome. You don’t have to lie.” Mingyu smirked.

Wonwoo was about to lash out when he felt wind against his back. He craned his neck from where he had been standing at the window to see Mingyu standing over him with that cocky grin of his.

The shorter boy’s shoulders flinched as he felt Mingyu’s hands grab his lower back.

“What are you doing?” Wonwoo demanded, heart beating rapidly. He knew Mingyu was more moronic than sinister but the way Mingyu had approached him like that activated something buried within him.

“You’re blocking me.”

Wonwoo groaned, finally noticing that he was in front of Mingyu’s desk. He opted to step out of the way but the football player’s arms were already on it, moving him towards his bed.

“You can sit there, I have to get the thing set up. This might take a while, the app causes a lot of lag sometimes.” the taller said, turning on his computer.

Wonwoo plopped down onto Mingyu’s comforter, bouncing on the springs of the bed. 

He fished out a book from his bag and opened it, letting out a sigh. 

A couple minutes passed and he still couldn’t concentrate. He was too distracted by the tapping sound Mingyu made with his fingers or his feet. Mingyu was just a ball of energy. No wonder why academics wasn’t his thing.

A ‘ding’ rang out causing Wonwoo’s head to jerk up.

“Did it load yet?”

“No, just some stupid virus warning popped up.”

“Why?”

“Don’t play dumb Wonu, you know why. They pop up all the time.” Mingyu snickered, swerving his chair around.

“Oh you mean- wait, Mingyu you’re messed up.” Wonwoo scolded him, crossing his legs as he shook his head. “Low life degenerate.” he muttered. 

“I was joking.” the football player lifted his arms up in defense.

“You better be. There is human trafficking and abuse in that shit. Not to mention it’s reprehensible to be looking at women like that.”

“Relax. I pirate a lot of movies, that’s why I always get viruses.”

Wonwoo ignored him although he didn’t mean to. The thought of Mingyu watching any of that crap struck a nerve in him. He was enraged inside. Maybe he was just angry at the world. Curse the internet for ruining peoples lives like that. The thought that men could marry actual women rather than being married to their screen irked him. How many hours of writing, drawing, listening to music, and studying were wasted on engaging in such a pathetic self-gratifying practice. How many men were scarred for life, never ever being able to look at women innocently again. How many men and women had their innocence taken from them?

Yet with all the passion in his thought his voice came out more like a whisper than a declaration.

“If I could go around smashing everyone’s phone and computer I would. It’s the worst thing that's happened in our culture, seriously.” Wonwoo said, making tiny circles in the air by swinging his foot. He looked down at the carpeted floor prompting Mingyu to give him a concerned look. 

The football player didn’t say anything, going back to finish uploading their pictures. 

After a few more minutes Mingyu finished setting everything up and stood abruptly from his chair. The football player gestured with his hand towards the empty seat and Wonwoo got up from the bed, flinging the book across the comforter. 

Wonwoo turned around and sat himself in the chair, letting Mingyu spin and push him towards the desk. 

“Alright, I already put the pictures in and adjusted them. I think they look good the way they are but I know you got your opinions.” Mingyu chuckled.

“So what do you want me to do?” 

“It says on the rubric. Just type some more or something. We’re already getting a B at least for what we did so far. No pressure.”

“By the way, thanks for looking pretty. I think we’ll get that A+.” Mingyu winked, nodding his head towards the long portrait photograph of Wonwoo in front of the sunset.

Wonwoo was about to blush-

“I hope the professor has a thing for noodle legs.” the taller laughed. Mingyu attempted to hold himself together by grabbing onto the back of his office chair, causing Wonwoo to lurch backwards slightly.

“Cut it out Gyu, you said you wanted the project done fast right? Let me work in peace.” Wonwoo groaned.

“Alright, someone’s bitchy today. I guess thats what happens when you hold it in all day. Why do I have to be the one that you take it out on?” Mingyu snorted.

“Wait I think I know why, you know I have a soft spot for you.” the football player chuckled, falling on his bed back first and with his arms splayed out. 

Wonwoo felt like he was going to barf. He gagged anyways. Mingyu didn’t see his reaction but he raised his head back to the computer screen slowly anyways.

“What other pits in your heart did you have to fill?” the black-haired boy rolled his eyes, mindlessly typing a bunch of nonsense paragraphs. 

“Just the ones that you left when you weren’t there to talk to me.”

“Oh, so that’s why you ran off with Tzuyu? Because I walked away from you?” Wonwoo said, his eyelashes lowering and his lips forming into a straight line as he held a look of disdain on his face.

“Hey, it stung me just as it stung you. We’re both guilty- and… you don’t want to compromise with me so I don’t see any reason why we should stay friends. I’d like to and I know you would. But, you’re not about following your emotions and desires anyways, aren’t you? You’d rather be the bigger person and not talk to me.” Mingyu said with an edge in his tone. 

“What do you want me to apologize for.” the shorter replied, spinning around in the chair. “I’m genuinely curious. I’d like to make amends but there's things you aren’t telling me and- I guess I’m not telling you anything either. But thats not the point. The issue at stake is your behavior at the party and your complete disregard for my concern for you as a friend. I don’t like seeing the people who I care about get wasted, especially when it comes to rolling around in bed with a- with a slut!” 

Mingyu sat up, listening to Wonwoo as he got up from the chair. It had become a confrontation.

The shorter boy continued.

“You’re just as bad as she is. You’re even worse because- you played into her game.”

The weight of emotion in Wonwoo’s words caused the football player to get up and walk towards him, perhaps in an act of intimidation.

Mingyu knew the other was right but he couldn’t let it slip. He harnessed whatever response he could as Wonwoo’s anger roused something within his unconscious. While Mingyu kept the truth imprisoned within his soul something sinister broke free within him. He looked down at Wonwoo with fake amusement crossing his face. 

“What if I wanted to? What if it wasn’t the alcohol that made me do it. What if I was simply that evil- what if I just hated you in that moment so much that I’d do anything to get back at you?” 

There was too much in that sentence for anyone -even Wonwoo, to comprehend.

“Y-you’re not like that M-Mingyu.” Wonwoo said, trying not to trip over his own words.

Mingyu looked disappointed.

“I am. And it’s time you accepted it. I bet you think you can see the good in me but I’m just a lost cause. You’d still want to be my friend after this, I know it. That’s why I’m not worried about you leaving me. I know you’ll keep coming back. I’m your drug and I’m also your poison. You can’t live without me, is that how pathetic you are? It doesn’t matter what I say to you. You’ll always look back to the good you saw in me, and I say ‘look back’ because it’s not there anymore. But you want to pretend it is. You’ll look back to the good and that will always be your justification. You’ll always use that as an excuse to stay friends with me. It’s not only an excuse though. It’s a death wish. And you’ve picked your poison, doesn’t matter if you die from it. At least you got a sliver of joy out of life, even if the rest of it is miserable for you.”

Wonwoo’s eyes were watering but his expression didn’t cave under Mingyu’s gaze. 

“You’re fucking black-hearted Kim. What kind of demon would compel you to say any of those things?” Wonwoo gritted, pushing Mingyu away from him by his chest.

The football player barely budged.

“Cut out the stupid religous talk Won. You don’t need demons to explain evil. Human beings are just that ugly and horrible on the inside. Men don’t need the devil to do evil things. You need to open your eyes.”

_You’re too fucking lovesick for me._

“Well if it’s a compromise you want, I’ll never compromise with evil. You- you make me sick. To think you want me to apologize and meet you in the middle? If that’s what our friendship is based on, then- then I don’t want to be friends.”

_“ **There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.”**_

“Mingyu?” the same warm and curious voice from earlier called up the stairs.

The football player’s expression didn’t change and he still looked down at Wonwoo as if he resented his spirit. The black-haired boy was everything he was unworthy of having. There wasn’t any use in fighting for him, Mingyu thought. He was going to keep failing. Wonwoo was right about compromise. He’d only be poisoning the boy. That was, if he hadn’t been already. 

Mingyu shook off the feeling of anguish and lowered his head, not wanting to look at Wonwoo’s watery eyes anymore. 

He let out a chuckle as if he didn’t take Wonwoo seriously. Spitting words was one thing but truly believing oneself was another. Wonwoo would still want to be his friend. Why else would the shorter boy still be looking up at him as if he had given him his heart and soul?

“You’re funny Won.” he snickered, moving Wonwoo aside once again with both his hands and walking towards the door.

“Yeah mom?” the taller acknowledged the woman, leaning against the door frame.

“Could I borrow Wonwoo? Hyuna asked, holding on to the beginning of the railing as she tilted her head to look into Mingyu’s room.

“Sure, give him a minute. He’s just uh- finishing up something.” 

Mingyu turned around to spot Wonwoo’s back facing him. The shorter boy appeared to be rubbing his eyes before snatching his backpack from the floor. The football player managed to get out of Wonwoo’s way as he walked past him, fuming.

Every heavy step that Wonwoo took as he walked down the stairs made Mingyu’s chest pang and he winced. He knew watching Wonwoo walk down the stairs would only make him feel worse so he decided to turn his back to the door and get back to work.

The last thing he heard before he walked out of earshot was the gentle voice of his mother talking to Wonwoo.

“Hi honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, check out the Pragmatic Sanction, I got two stories to balance now LOL
> 
> And I feel like an Ayn Rand dictionary lol. The quote I used later in the chapter was from her book called Atlas Shrugged. She's a major inspiration for this fanfic.
> 
> don't forget about my friend Kookah_hyung ! 
> 
> I forget that other people have lives and college to worry about LMAO. I have so much free time because my work hasn't called me in yet and I feel so bad. But I appreciate you all very much.
> 
> Peace out : )


	28. The Banqueters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys lol sorry for the suspense.

“Hi Mrs. Kim, you called me?” 

“Yes, I assumed you needed a break from my son. He can be overbearing sometimes.” Hyuna smiled.

“Oh it’s okay.” Wonwoo chuckled, although his voice was slightly nasally. “Mingyu just needed help on something and I got frustrated. It’s my fault.”

Mingyu’s mother could tell Wonwoo was holding it in. Her heart simply broke for the boy. 

“Nonsense, no need to make Mingyu into the angel he’s not. I thought I could try to change him but it’s too late. Once you hit that age- you know.” she blew out a tired breath. “It’s hard to train someone when they're grown up.” 

Wonwoo genuinely smiled. 

“I know what you mean.”

“Well, there's no use in being regretful.” Hyuna sighed. “I was going to ask if you wanted to help me make dinner. I figured I’d get to know you more and you’d get to know _me_ more. Mingyu’s father’s at work right now and his sister’s at school. I suppose you could start to get to know me more first so I can have the advantage over them.”

Wonwoo looked taken aback slightly prompting Hyuna to study his expression more carefully. She began to think, had anyone bothered to get to know this boy? Or was he just sensitive?

Well if Wonwoo was sensitive she doubted that he would be able to last long around Mingyu. Unless the boy had suddenly cracked.

“Sure, I don’t mind. I’ve cooked things before but I like having someone tell me what to do.” he giggled. 

“Of course! Come round and help me set up.” Mrs. Kim said, leading him to the kitchen.

“Here, just set these things on the island. I hope you like roast chicken.” she sang, opening up the fridge and handing Wonwoo a whole chicken. 

“You kill this yourself?” Wonwoo teased, setting it down on the marble countertop with a loud thud.

“Gee I wish. Who knows what kind of crap they are feeding them at the farms. Luckily this one’s organic. Forgive me, I don’t want to sound like a snob.” 

Wonwoo shook his head.

“Being called a snob is worth it if the chicken doesn’t taste like fish.” 

“You got that right.” Hyuna nodded. “Here, these are all the vegetables we’re putting in. We got potatoes, carrots, onions... all that healthy shit.” 

Wonwoo internally snorted.

“Sounds good, thanks.”

Hyuna’s expression beamed warmly as she opened the plastic bags of vegetables.

“I never knew Mingyu had a sister.” Wonwoo began, tapping the island counter with his fingers.

“I know, you wouldn’t believe that they were related. She is much more… eh how do you say it without sounding like a terrible mother?”

“Smart?”

Hyuna laughed.

“That too. I was going to say quiet and subdued. She has a very soft voice and she’s really calm. You two would get along so well.”

“That’s weird. Now that I think about it, most of my friends are really extroverted. It’s draining to be in social situations but they always seem to power me up whenever I’m with them. I don’t think I’m very good with talking to quiet and shy people. Of course I open up more once I get to know them but with someone who’s outgoing, they do all the work for me. That’s probably why I can tolerate Mingyu so much. I don’t have to try hard.” 

“That _is_ interesting.” Hyuna nodded. “Mingyu needs to work on his listening skills though, I swear he’s got the attention span of a puppy. Yet he’s not that innocent from what I’ve observed.” 

Wonwoo smiled sheepishly.

“He listens to me whenever I talk. I know I’m not a member of his gang so it’s not like it’s all banter and jokes-”

“Right.” 

“But yeah we’ve had… conversations.”

“You know Wonwoo I totally believe you.” Mrs. Kim smiled, getting out a couple of cutting boards and knives. 

“You are much too good-looking and personable to not make my son stare at you all day. I don’t know if you count that as listening but it’s a foot in the door isn’t it?”

“Yes but I didn’t need the compliment.” Wonwoo blushed, waving his hand down to express how unnecessary it was.

“Oh don’t be so bashful Wonwoo. Here, you can cut these up for me.” she replied, handing him a bunch of potatoes. “And It’s obvious to anyone with eyes.”

“What do you mean?” his breath hitched.

Hyuna wondered if she should tell him that she knew they liked each other. But she didn't want to ruin dinner nor did she want to make Wonwoo more uncomfortable than he already looked.

“Just that Mingyu listens to you and respects you. And if not then he should.” Hyuna corrected herself.

_I wish_

“You know when he came home that night you went out to get frozen yogurt?”

Wonwoo nodded slowly.

“Well…” Hyuna smiled, taking a deep breath. “He came in like he had just woken up from a dream. I thought he was lovesick at first. Heck, he even greeted his mother and it was in the kindest voice I ever heard come out of his mouth. I had to ask him if he was really my son because the next thing I knew he said ‘love you’ and ‘goodnight’ to the rest of the family before going to bed early. I asked him about his behavior and he just said he ‘met someone amazing’. I thought it was a girl at first but then- well, I should put it into context first. Then, next morning, he came down stairs like it was Christmas day. I interrogated him more and all that he said was that he made a friend with an old soul. Like he was born in another century even though he was so young. Although he didn’t look like he was remembering the night. He looked more like he was in a daze rather than reminiscing. Like he was still there hanging out with you. None of his girlfriends ever made him act that way. They were all nice here and there I suppose, but no one held that much influence over him. It was like he was captivated by your spirit. ” she smiled, pointing a large wooden spoon at him. “I swear you did something to him to make him like that.”

“I-” Wonwoo began, but then he back-tracked. “We just talked about life and all that stuff. I think I might have worn him out. I guess people can look dazed when they’re tired.”

Hyuna wasn’t buying it but she wasn’t going to push things.

“Well it was the good kind of worn out. Like the happy feeling you get when you’re tired. Who knew Mingyu could ever get tired? I certainly did not. You know you are a delight to talk to Wonwoo.” 

“Thank you.” he replied softly.

“And you’re so adorable too. I know I said it a bunch of times but I have to. You look like you have immense respect for your parents and elders. I see just how polite you’ve become around me. It’s so comforting to know that there are people like you out there. Who else will take care of people like us when we grow old? Nowadays inlaws treat their father and mother-in-laws so terribly. I can’t tell you the last time I’ve seen a father spending time with his daughter’s husband or a mother with her son's wife. If anything Mingyu should marry you. He just has to. If that could happen then we could go on shopping sprees together all day long. Ha, I can already see it. I’m going to burn the food if I get too excited.” she laughed.

Wonwoo cut the onion at a slower pace, careful as to not let Hyuna’s words get to him. Luckily, she didn’t see how flustered he was.

“Oh I know my son might not swing your way but I can dream can’t I?” 

“Well if I have so much influence over him I suppose I can make that change too.” Wonwoo snickered, prompting Mrs. Kim to cover her mouth to not look unflattering as she billowed with laughter. 

“There’s more things I’d like to change too. Hopefully your friendship is on the right path.”

Wonwoo nodded solemnly however his face was still burning.

“I finished Mrs. Kim.” he said, handing her the cutting board. She took it gently, pouring it into a glass rectangular dish which sat on top of the stove. 

“That was fast. Where'd you learn those cutting skills?”

“My mother taught me.” he hummed, not wanting to come off as a snob for telling her that he observed his family’s chef cooking for them. 

“I know saying that one’s lucky is a popular saying but you know me, I’m very literal. You are truly a gift from God Wonwoo. There was no luck to it.” 

She had barely known him yet she was able to make him feel as though he was her own son. He felt like baby Moses being taken in by Merrhoe princess of Egypt. That’s how majestic and loving Mrs. Kim was it seemed.

_Funny_

“Mrs. Kim you’re too kind, really. Who knows, Mingyu and I might not always be friends but I’m glad to have met you.” Wonwoo replied, although he knew his tone sounded antiseptic. He wasn’t ready to empty out all of his emotions to a stranger but he was truly glad that the opportunity would be there for him to do so. So long as she was still around.

“Me too Wonwoo. Now let’s get cooking.” 

“Mind peeling these carrots for me?”

Wonwoo took the bowl of carrots from her hands and set it down on the counter. 

“They look good, did you grow them yourself?”

“Yes, I’m glad you noticed. We have a garden out back. It’s a hobby of Mingyu’s father. It’s also a sign of getting old.” she chided. “I’m guilty though too. I’m more of a flower person but I help my husband out.”

“At least you still look young.”

“Why thank you. I’m going to be fifty in a couple of months. We won’t be celebrating. It will be too sad for me to be reminded of my age. But I’m glad my husband looks older than me. No woman would want him anyway if he decided to leave.”

Wonwoo tried to hold his lips together.

“Just kidding. I’m very fortunate to have such a loving husband and a wonderful family. Two kids were enough for me physically and mentally. Chasing Mingyu around when he was a kid was nothing compared to what I had to go through when he was born. Ten pounds Wonwoo.” she breathed out. It was like she was living through it all over again.

“His sister was a tiny five pounder. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t a handful. She was the wors-”

“Mom, I’m home!” a sharp and blunt voice yelled from the foyer.

“Speak of the devil.” 

Wonwoo turned on the balls of his feet, following Hyuna’s line of sight to a young girl who emerged around the corner. What did he know? She was tall like her brother but he estimated that she was two heads shorter. Her hair was darker and her face was paler however she had fuller cheeks, the same nose, and a similar angular facial structure although her’s was softer. 

“Mom I-” the girl stopped upon spotting him.

“Hi.” she said softly, lowering her head shyly.

“Minseo don’t be shy. This is Wonwoo, Mingyu’s b- best friend. Wonwoo, Minseo. Minseo, Wonwoo.”

“Nice to meet you.” Wonwoo nodded, clasping his hands behind his back as he leaned against the counter.

“You too.” she giggled awkwardly. “Uhm- Mom. I have a lot of homework to do, I’m going to get going.” 

“Ah ah ah Minseo, you’re not getting away that easily. You are going to have a snack. No empty stomachs in my house.”

“But you’re already cooking. Can’t I just come down and eat later.” Minseo groaned, not caring anymore that a guest was in their house.

“You need to eat honey. I know what you do everyday.” Mrs. Kim eyed her daughter as she washed her hands in the sink. Wonwoo turned back around to get back to peeling and then cutting the carrots. Suddenly the air had gotten warm. Not to mention, what Hyuna said had struck a chord in her daughter. Minseo looked more than tense. She wasn’t pleased at all, especially since Wonwoo was there to see it.

Minseo grumbled, emptying out the contents of her backpack on the kitchen island. 

“Want a carrot?” Wonwoo asked, holding one up in front of her.

She looked caught off guard for a moment before smiling weakly.

“Sure, thanks.” she let out in an airy voice.

“Minseo, did you know about Wonwoo?” 

Her response was instant.

“No, Mingyu never tells me anything. Some brother.” she snorted.

“Oh stop, he drives you to school when your friends wake up late. He’s doing his duty Minseo. Be grateful.” Hyuna told her, handing her apple slices and a cheese stick. 

“Being a brother isn’t a job.” Minseo rolled her eyes, gathering her things and leaving the kitchen.

“Chicken’s already washed and I’m putting it in the oven. Dinner will be done in less than an hour!” Mrs. Kim yelled up the stairs.

“Okay.” Minseo replied, her voice monotone. Wonwoo guessed it was a habit.

II

Silverware clattered on the glass table covering as Hyuna let a couple of forks slip from her grasp.

“You’d think I was the one who wanted to cover our table like this but it was my husband.” she rolled her eyes. 

Wonwoo shrugged.

“I like the look of it. The only downside is that I can see my reflection.”

“The worst thing is when you have to clean it. I can’t tell you how many times we had to order a new covering when I accidentally broke the previous one. And I say ‘accidentally’ loosely.”

“Are these placemats leather?” 

“No they’re fake. Nice right? I got them at Home Warehouse.” 

“I love these chairs.” Wonwoo smiled, testing their softness by sitting down in one.

“Those were given to us by a friend but they fit perfectly with the room.”

Wonwoo hummed in agreement as he put the utensils in front of him in proper order.

The oven beeped and the both of them rushed to take out the chicken. Wonwoo put the tray on top of the stove while Hyuna took a baster and rehydrated it with juice from the bottom.  
  


“That looks good. Can you call down the kids for me.” Mrs. Kim asked, forgetting that Wonwoo and Mingyu had just butted heads with each other. Wonwoo didn’t mind anyways and he nodded without hesitation, walking smoothly towards the ascent to hell.

As he reached the carpeted summit, he could see Mingyu’s lamp illuminating the wall adjacent to the entrance of the room, making the landing at the top look even more dark and ominous. 

“Mingyu? Dinner’s ready.” Wonwoo said but he heard no acknowledgement coming from the football player’s room.

“Minseo opened her bedroom door and thanked Wonwoo, not bothering to see what Mingyu was up to as she skipped down the stairs.”

Wonwoo stepped into Mingyu’s room and spotted him leaning over his desk as he shut off his computer.

“Do you need me to do anything?” the shorter boy asked, swinging his arms out as if he was helpless. All Mingyu had done was look at him and look back to the screen.

“No, the project’s done. And I’m not eating dinner. I want to get to practice early.” Mingyu said without making eye contact.

Wonwoo lifted an eyebrow.

“Your mother made all that food for you down there. You should eat it. Empty stomachs aren’t good for stamina.”

Mingyu chuckled.

“And who are you, my mom’s best friend or a health expert.” 

Wonwoo didn’t look impressed.

“Thought I _was_ your friend.”

He was in the middle of turning back to the door when Mingyu stepped forward and grabbed his waist. At least the taller boy hasn’t grabbed his bruised wrist. What a gentleman.

Before Wonwoo could register what Mingyu was up to, the football player already had him flat against the wall with the larger boy’s shadow cast beside him. 

“You can’t be passive aggressive with me and get away with it Wonwoo. I know you think you’re witty and smart but I always have the final say.” Mingyu said, referring to his physical strength, The taller grunted as he stopped one of Wonwoo’s arms from attempting to push him away.

“So when I say drop it, you better drop it. I didn’t even want to bring you to my house in the first place. I knew you’d try to make friends with my mom and sister just so you can stay in my life. You just want to torture me don’t you? You say you don’t want to be friends but you come back and act like you’re innocent. You’re a fox Won. Did you know that?” the taller grinned and went on to grip his waist tighter.

“You’re lucky I have some self-control. But I can’t say the same for your boyfriend. You might be innocent now but you won’t be soon.” 

Something in Wonwoo’s eyes glimmered.

“What do you mean? I’m not with Jaehyun. I’d never consider it.” 

Mingyu chuckled.

“You can’t fool me Wonwoo. I saw how he held your hand today. He even touched your face. Don’t try to tell me that you’re aren’t a thing. I’m not the delusional one, you are.” 

Wonwoo was already breathing heavily but his breath quickened even more. Mingyu’s other hand moved up from his waist and pinned his arm against the wall as did the other. What Mingyu had revealed to him was already enough. It didn’t help that Mingyu’s face was now close to his. 

All Wonwoo wanted to do was bury his head in the taller’s chest but he knew if there was anything he must do was listen to the voice of reason, not Mingyu’s. 

“Notice that everything you described involved him doing all those things? I didn’t participate in any of it. What’s not clicking?” Wonwoo gritted.

“The fact that you let him do all that stuff. See? That’s the big deal. You like being helpless don’t you? Is that why you keep Jaehyun around? Because he makes you feel that way? After all he’s said to you, you still want to stick around him? Man, for someone who thinks a lot it doesn’t sound like you thought about what you were getting yourself into.”

_He was right. Wonwoo never did_.

“Why do you act as if you’re better than him? Do you even know who he really is?”

“Do you?” 

“No, that’s why I’ve suspended judgement for him.”

“So you want to get to know him? Because it’s fun?” The taller asked with mocking amusement. 

Mingyu wasn’t getting it. It wasn’t any of his business anyways.

Wonwoo averted his gaze and decided to turn his head to look out the door, hoping that Mingyu would give up. Though of course he wouldn’t. 

“You’re supposed to be smarter than me, aren’t you? Why aren’t you fighting back? Have you given up on me that quickly? What happened to fixing me? I thought you liked projects.” Mingyu smirked.

He simply shook his head.

“I’m shocked you’d stoop this low.” Wonwoo replied in a worn out voice, not bothering to exert any force on Mingyu’s chest. He loosened his arms, leaving the taller boy to hold them up against the wall.

“That’s your problem.” the football player huffed, letting go and walking past him. 

Wonwoo only narrowed his eyes, watching Mingyu stomp down the stairs in a hurry.

III

“What’s for dinner again?” Mingyu asked, stretching his arms before taking a seat. 

“Chicken.” Minseo answered in a withered voice.

“Wonwoo helped me make it. I didn’t know that he was such a good cook.”

“Oh look, there he is.” Hyuna smiled at Wonwoo who had just entered the kitchen. “Wonwoo honey, do you mind handing this to Mingyu? He likes to think that he’s his father expecting that I’ll bring everything to him.”

“Or he’s just too stupid to remember he has legs.” Minseo huffed.

Mingyu ignored the comment, smirking as Wonwoo came around the island to give him a plate full of food.

“Careful not to choke on your stupidity.” 

“Careful not to trip over your noodle legs.” 

“Mingyu!” his mother hissed, craning her neck from where she was at the stove to give her son a dirty look.

“What? He started it.”

“Well, you deserved it. You were throwing a little tantrum upstairs. The whole house could hear Mingyu. So shut up and eat your dinner, we didn’t make this for nothing.”

“Yeah go off mom. I’m on Wonwoo’s side.” Minseo added, avoiding eye contact with her brother as she played with her food. She shrugged as if she didn’t expect Mingyu to get back at her. Just as the football player was coming up with a rebuttal, he noticed the flustered look on Wonwoo’s expression.

The black-haired boy smiled sheepishly. 

“There aren’t any sides in this but thanks.” he chuckled, sitting down adjacent to Mingyu who sat at the end of the table closest to the front of the house while Hyuna took the seat next to her daughter at the other end. Both siblings made it obvious that they were bitter towards each other considering how far away they were.

“Stay out of it.” Mingyu barked towards Minseo, who decided to ignore it with a flip of her hair.

“Mmmmm!” his sister hummed. “This _is_ good.”

Hyuna gave her daughter a scandalized look.

“Uhm honey? Why do you say it like it’s the first time I’ve made something that tastes good?”

“Because it is.” Mingyu interjected. His face was already stuffed by the time he had made the quip. 

Mingyu wasn’t going to lie, nor was he going to say it out loud either. He wasn’t the biggest fan of his mother’s cooking but he did notice that the food tasted a lot better, for some reason. Wait, not just ‘for some reason’, but because Wonwoo had a hand in making it. It stirred a bit of warmth within him at the thought of Wonwoo cooking for him someday. And the kid was only eighteen. Well, he was eighteen too but he was only interested in football. There were a bunch of reasons why any guy would have liked Wonwoo. And he was jealous of Jaehyun because of that. But it was a petty kind of jealousy. It was almost meaningless.

He liked-. No. He loved Wonwoo for reasons bigger than him being good-looking, nice, or for his cooking skills. He just couldn’t put his finger on it yet. Of course that wasn’t the main and most urgent issue at hand however. He still had to ‘apologize’. 

  
  


At least if he couldn’t be open with how he felt towards Wonwoo, Mingyu thought that being indirectly flattering was the next best way. But then, wasn’t he trying to get Wonwoo out of his head? 

“So. Wonwoo.” Hyuna began, taking a breath. “What are you majoring in for college?” 

“Computer Science.” 

“And philosophy.” Mingyu muttered, taking a swig of water and noisily setting the cup back down on the table.

“Interesting.” The older woman smiled. “Kind of weird isn’t it? Computer science seems so hard and analytical and philosophy seems so, eh- I don’t know…soft. Well-“ she cut herself off. “I guess you’ll have to define what philosophy is. I’ve never had a firm understanding. I always thought it was something that an old guy would do wandering around.”

“Oh that must be Socrates, the first major figure in Western philosophy. He was the first to establish a method of reasoning which he called the elenchus. And he sought to create an ethical system based on human reason rather than religion. Under a process called dialectic, Socrates would take opposing views based on observation or conventional/traditional opinion and try to conclude what was true or not.” 

“But isn’t there a rational element to religion? Can reason not be used to prove the existence of a higher power?”

“Unfortunately not. By definition, reason is the process that integrates the material provided by the senses in order to form conclusions. You have to have empirical evidence in order to arrive at knowledge. That’s why religions rely on faith.”

“What a shame. Though it was thinking. How could one know that there isn’t a God?”

Wonwoo looked at her with a surprising amount of confidence.

“One of the laws of logic is that you are never called upon to prove a negative. Since there is no evidence, we have the permission to assume that there isn’t a God in scientific terms.”

“But Isn’t that such a narrow view? How could anyone be so final like that?” 

“Well, I could come up with an example. If someone were to commit a crime yet there is no evidence that the suspect did so, we’d be free to assume that the suspect was innocent until proven guilty. Thus-“ Wonwoo stopped. “Wait.”

Something had hit him and he beamed at Mrs. Kim.

“The very fact that someone committed a crime already entails that there is objective knowledge out there. Let’s say if there are two suspects and one criminal, one suspect must be innocent and the other must be guilty. By means of reason we’ve figured out who the suspects are and by logic we’ve narrowed it down. But, if the evidence does not present itself, reason is useless to find the perpetrator. Yet we still have a criminal on our hands. Obviously that’s a big problem. The takeaway from this is that reason and logic are not in themselves lacking the ability to solve problems, yet their use is determined by the circumstances. They are nothing without evidence. If this is the range that human understanding is confined to, then perhaps we do need divine revelation and faith to attain true knowledge in the end. I’d like to say that I’m rational to reason’s maximal degree, but I’m not entirely rational since I rely on faith for the rest of the way.”

“So reason can be saved from those who champion faith and mysticism?” 

“I hope so.” Wonwoo laughed.

Mingyu looked at him agape, trying his hardest not to look impressed. Did Wonwoo have to find everything funny? 

His mother had barely stopped to gawk at Wonwoo’s brilliance but rather persisted to ask more questions. He was beginning to think she was playing dumb just to get Wonwoo to crawl out of his shell. For that he was appreciative of her. But there was nothing that could make him more grateful than being in the presence of the shorter boy next to him. 

Mingyu was weirded out by the temptation, but he felt the urge to just reach his arms out and hold Wonwoo’s head. He wanted Wonwoo’s forehead against his chin. He wanted to smell the invigorating scent of fruit in Wonwoo’s hair. It still lingered from when he had Wonwoo pinned against his wall. Plus he had been so close to kissing him.

_Why hadn’t he?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the concerned voice of his mother.

“Wonwoo honey, you’ve eaten so little. We’re not royalty.” Hyuna snorted. “You can eat as fast and as much as you want to.”

“And as sloppily as you know who.” Minseo tilted her heads towards her brother who was too busy with chowing down on what Wonwoo had helped to make.

“It’s fine Mrs. Kim. It’s a habit of mine.”

“Then eat.” Mingyu grumbled.

“Mingyu stop it.” his mother said with a look of irritation. 

The football player crossed his arms.

“I don’t get how everyone’s all over Wonwoo like he’s a child. He’s not your son. He’s just a partner for a project. I’ve never seen you guys act like this even when I bring a girlfriend home, it’s insane.” 

“It’s called having a guest over.”

“Whatever.” Mingyu shook his head as he began to bite into a chicken leg angrily. The food may have tasted great and the view was pretty with Wonwoo being next to him. Yet how Wonwoo had acted didn’t sit well with him. 

Was it all a performance for his mother? Usually Wonwoo would be bantering with him and firing salvos of insults. Or was the shorter boy simply too polite? Maybe now he had gotten deeper into being lovesick for him, like a suck up.

But there was something peculiar about Wonwoo’s eating pace and how much he ate. It didn’t seem to be all that serious at first glance. Yet the black-haired boy looked really uncomfortable though. However, he still maintained his elegance and coolness. 

It was just that, Wonwoo looked as if he was going to be electrocuted for taking too big of a bite. 

He looked...anxious.

It made something within him twist and he started to get irritable. How could Wonwoo look as if he was being tortured on the inside but then look so calm and composed, especially after he just said all those things to him? Wonwoo must really be indestructible. He had to lack emotions or else he’d be weeping by now.

Or he might not have cared. 

Maybe he was just too egotistical to not think that Wonwoo cared. If it did seem like Wonwoo actually cared about him it must have been only a rouse. Yet what would be the point? Well, Wonwoo did take amusement in a lot of things. Maybe he was simply another one of Wonwoo’s musings, just like Jaehyun was.

Mingyu shoved his plate outwards and pushed his chair back as he got up, causing Minseo and Hyuna to set their utensils down. Hyuna’s eyes narrowed and Minseo was awoken from her daydreaming slumber to look at him with curiosity. 

“May I be excused. I want to get to practice early.”

“Aren’t you going to drive Wonwoo home?” 

The football player totally forgot about Wonwoo’s ride situation but he shrugged it off.

“He’s rich. He can just call a limo.” 

Hyuna furrowed her brows for a moment while Minseo gaped. However, both recovered their calm expressions.

“It would still be nice if you could drive him.” His sister said as if she was speaking to a child. 

Mingyu clenched his fists.

“Shut up Minseo. How about you get a car?” 

“You know I’ve been trying to.” Minseo replied, tucking her hair behind her ear as she looked down at her food.

Hyuna sat back into the leather cushion of her chair, counting down the seconds until Mingyu would come to his senses.

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo said softly, smoothly getting up from his seat to catch the football player before he could get away.

“Yeah?” the taller challenged, itching to get Wonwoo to come out of his shell and argue with him. 

He was sorely mistaken.

“I just wanted to get this stain off. They’ll make fun of you for having sauce on your jersey.” Wonwoo laughed to himself, holding a napkin he had wet from the condensation of his water glass. 

Mingyu let the other approach him, scowling as Wonwoo dabbed his jersey in an effort to lighten the stain. 

It annoyed him and he grabbed Wonwoo’s wrist this time, yanking it off of him. Wonwoo emitted a quiet hiss of pain but Mingyu’s eyes didn’t soften. He wouldn’t let them. Mingyu merely glared at the shorter boy.

“You’re not my mom.” 

“Mingyu!” 

“What? It’s the truth.”

“You’re such a jerk.” Minseo snapped.

“No, it’s fine, really. It’s friendly back and forth. No hurt feelings.” Wonwoo assured them but they knew it was a lie. Hyuna did not want to go against Wonwoo so she simply went after her son instead.

“Mingyu, you are-” she paused, collecting herself. “You are being extremely rude today. Try again next time sweetie, you aren’t going to practice today.”

“What? Coach will yell at me!”

Mrs. Kim laughed. 

“I’ll yell at you even more if you disobey me. You’re not going and that’s final.”

“Whatever, I’m done here.” Mingyu said, clenching his teeth as he recklessly put his plate in the dishwasher, letting the silverware he was using clatter into the sink. 

“Keep it up Mingyu. I swear-” Hyuna began as she turned to chase after Mingyu when the doorbell rang. Mingyu was just about to reach the first step of the stairs when he turned around, eyeing the front door.

“Dad should still be at work, right?” Minseo asked.

“Yeah.” Hyuna replied softly, walking towards the door with furrowed brows.

The seconds where Hyuna’s flats thudded against the tile as she walked to the door was the most painfully suspensful for them.

Mingyu watched her open the door and a pit formed in his stomach as he saw that familiar head of brown-fiery hair that he so hated.

Why the hell would Wonwoo tell Jaehyun to pick him up? How was it even possible? 

“Hi, is Wonwoo here?” 

“And what’s your name?” Mrs. Kim asked.

The boy’s expression suggested amusement.

“Jaehyun, Wonwoo’s boyfriend.” 

Hyuna looked more devastated than suspicious while Mingyu’s scowl grew even darker. She opened up the door to reveal the stranger’s face completely, prompting Mingyu to tense.

“C’mon in then, we were just having dinner. It’s so sweet of you to come.”

Jaehyun grinned, crossing his arms as he stepped inside.

“Thanks. Your house is really nice by the way.”

“Oh thank you. I was the one who spruced it up. It used to look so dull.”

“Yeah that’s one of the symptoms of contemporary architecture. But it looks like you managed well with it ma’am.”

Hyuna laughed, dropping the edge of suspicion in her voice.

“You can call me Hyuna, i’m-” she stopped herself short as Wonwoo emerged around the corner from the kitchen. It wasn’t just the speed of how he walked that caught her off guard, but the grim expression on his face.

“Jae, what are you doing here?” Wonwoo asked, as if he and Jaehyun had been doing this for the one-thousandth time. Wonwoo didn’t bother to cross his arms in imitation, or rest a hand on his hip. He simply lowered his head slightly and kept his eyes straight, looking up at the brown-haired football player with an expression of expectation . 

“Wonwoo, you didn’t call for him?” Hyuna asked. Her tone had a betrayed tinge to it.

“No. In fact, I never told-”

“You’re father asked me to pick you up.” Jaehyun interrupted him.

Wonwoo snorted to himself. His ‘boyfriend’ was starting to get into his father’s inner circle already. From what he could expect, Jaehyun would go on to defend his boss, just like he was now. Although ‘saved’ may have been a better word.

In truth, Wonwoo never told anyone where he was going. He was eighteen after all. He guessed that his father was still a big part of his life. 

Hilarious. 

The lengths people would go to, he thought, internally shaking his head.

“Your father must have been worried.” Mrs. Kim gasped. She turned to Jaehyun. “Have we kept him too long?”

Jaehyun looked slightly alarmed.

“No, not at all ma’am. Something just came up at his dad’s work and he uh- he wanted to speak to Wonwoo.” the brown-haired boy shrugged, nodding towards Hyuna as if she got the point.

“Well it was nice meeting you Wonwoo. Oh and Jaehyun, how old are you?”

The boy scratched the back of his neck.

“Young enough to date Wonwoo.” he chuckled. “I’m twenty.”

“That’s not too old.” Mrs. Kim smiled. 

“Lucky for him.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes playfully, taking the hand that Jaehyun extended to him.

“So you must go to Pledis too right?” 

“Yeah. I’m a junior.”

“Oh my gosh you must know my son then. All boys share the same brain cell.” she giggled.

Before Jaehyun could ask for her son’s name, his eyes spotted a tall figure moving towards them.

Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed as did Mingyu’s, but it wasn’t that noticeable to the woman standing between them. She moved out of the way after hearing her son’s footsteps. It was as if she had forgotten the boy’s terrible behavior and she gestured towards him for an introduction.

Mingyu came into the foyer with his hands in his pockets, glaring at both Jaehyun and Wonwoo. It angered him even more that Jaehyun would pull Wonwoo closer into his side like he was protecting him. Nevermind the fact that Jaehyun had the guts to be so blatantly open in saying he was Wonwoo’s boyfriend. He shook it off and decided to play it cool.

“No need for introductions mom. Jaehyun meant to say that he was my teammate earlier but I guess he got sidetracked by Wonwoo.” Mingyu said, staring down at where Jaehyun’s hand clutched Wonwoo’s. 

“Well he came here for his boyfriend Mingyu. What else would you expect?” Hyuna said, reaching up to slap her son’s shoulder for being so stupid. 

“Forgive him.” she laughed awkwardly. “Sometimes he forgets he’s not the center of the world.” 

Jaehyun smirked.

“Nah it’s okay. Me and Mingyu are alike in a lot of ways. Sometimes it gets to the point where we question if the field’s big enough for the both of us.” 

“The world’s not big enough.” Wonwoo muttered, looking at Jaehyun with a mocking expression.

“Oh you’re on my son’s football team? I should have known. I’m a terrible mother I know. Let me make it up and have you and the boys over for dinner sometime.”

“If Wonwoo’s cooking.” Mingyu snickered, stretching his arms behind his head. 

Wonwoo was struggling not to blush. Rather than face Mingyu, he dispensed with his anger towards Jaehyun and turned to face him, allowing the older boy’s hand to leave his own and wrap around his waist. 

The act had an unintended consequence, causing Mingyu’s muscles to tense. Wonwoo couldn’t see the football player’s hands since they were hidden in his pockets but he guessed Mingyu was clenching his fists since the veins on his arms looked even more darker and pronounced. Wonwoo gulped as Mingyu’s arms accidentally flexed but he reminded himself that he was safe with Jaehyun. Well, he was supposed to feel safe. He couldn’t help but admit that the arm around him was just an arm. It’s warmth was just warmth.

_There was nothing else to it_.

Hmm, sounded familiar.

Yet the fact that Mingyu - the man who instilled fear within him, was the one who he wanted to be protected by, was an idea more insane than paradoxical. He really was messed up in the head he supposed. Maybe it was the beginning of some type of Stockholm syndrome. 

“It’s alright Mrs. Kim, I’m sure I’ll see you at one of our games if you’re not busy. There will be a banquet at the end of the year though. You could host it if it sounds like a good idea to you.”

Hyuna released a breath in partial relief and gratitude.

“What a great idea. I’ll reach out to the coach about it.” 

“Mingyu and I can tell him ahead of time. Thanks again.” Jaehyun smiled as Wonwoo shyly waved.

“Thank you Mrs. Kim, for everything. And bye Minseo!” Wonwoo called from the foyer.

“Bye.” the young girl said lightly, blushing as she spotted Jaehyun at the door.

“You better get going before my daughter develops a man crush on you.” Hyuna whispered. 

“Good idea.” Jaehyun chuckled, holding Wonwoo’s hand as he led him down the couple of steps to the walkway.

Wonwoo craned his neck back around to wave to Mingyu but his smile faltered as he noticed that the taller still had that scowl on his face. It looked like he was in complete loathing of him. No one could make him feel as singled out and exposed right then and there as Mingyu did. It was like the football player was disgusted with him, like he had seen him naked and was repulsed.

Then he realized that he hadn’t been the only one to look back and smile. Or rather, smirk. Jaehyun had been the one to give Mingyu a cocky grin as he waved to his mother standing on the steps. It was already bad enough that Mingyu looked as though he wanted to kill him. But the idea of Mingyu’s hatred for Jaehyun being stronger than his friendship with him was worse. 

Were they still friends?

He needed to stop playing dumb. Mingyu was right. It was over. Yet why wasn’t he balling his eyes out?

Maybe because Mingyu still looked at him as if he didn’t want him to go.

“Bye honey! Come back soon!” Hyuna said, crossing her arms to protect herself from a cold breeze. 

Wonwoo used the car’s door to block the wind as he waved one last time to say goodbye to the only woman who came close to being a mother-figure in his life. 

“Bye Mrs. Kim! I will!” Wonwoo said, and he meant it. 

There was just one thing. 

He found it odd that no one had questioned the fact that Jaehyun arrived in a limo.

II

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that you were doing a project with Mingyu?” Jaehyun said, face contorting with irritation. They were on their way to drop Wonwoo off at his apartment before Jaehyun could go back to his place and get his football gear. He wished he could have asked to accompany Wonwoo but practice was important. 

“I didn’t think I owed you the information. Morally speaking.” 

“What do you mean ‘morally speaking’?”

“Well, we don’t have any vows to each other. And we’re not even dating. Plus there is the lie you told about my father sending you. I think you have a lot more explaining to do mister, considering what you pulled back there.”

Jaehyun smirked.

“I do, don’t I?” he shook his head.

“All I can say is that Mingyu knows you’re mine. You wanted that, didn’t you? You wanted to make him jealous?”

“No.” Wonwoo dismissed him upon instinct. “I think you forget about all the reasons why I’m with you right now; like what persuaded me, and what made me agree to you. And here I thought you had a big ego. You really think I’m using you to make Mingyu jealous?” 

“I guess that’s the weakness of a narcissist. Even if we think we’re all that, not all of our thoughts are positive.”

“You know they’re manipulative too?” Wonwoo teased.

Jaehyun gave him a playfully disappointed look. 

Through the black tinted windows, the football player noticed they were at a red light and decided to make a move.

_Third time’s a charm_.

A second had passed after Wonwoo had made the quip about him and in vengeance, Jaehyun grabbed the boy by his torso and pulled him closer to him. However, he didn’t stop there. Wonwoo may have reacted uncomfortably to the hands but luckily he didn’t fight, making it easier for him to pull Wonwoo on his lap. 

“Jae, w-what are you doing?” 

“Getting comfortable.” the older boy grinned, wanting to spend the whole limo ride kissing Wonwoo’s collarbone. 

The black-haired boy looked magnificent, especially up close. Even with how much Jaehyun exalted him, he guessed it wasn’t enough. 

He didn’t let the thought of Wonwoo loving Mingyu spoil the moment. Instead he decided to distract himself by beholding the younger boy’s figure. Jaehyun’s eyes trailed from Wonwoo’s shining legs all the way up to the curve of his hips and tiny waist. Then they stopped on his neck.

Wonwoo sat perpendicular in respect to him with the side of the younger’s body touching his chest. Wonwoo’s legs ran over the football player’s knees and his feet lay on the leather seats next to them. Jaehyun lifted Wonwoo’s right arm and put it around his neck so that he could hold the black-haired boy closer to him. 

As much as Wonwoo’s warmth and beauty made him want to forget about everything else, he couldn’t ignore the coldness in Wonwoo’s eyes. It was like Wonwoo wished he could sit on his lap and be comfortable, but he couldn’t.

And then Jaehyun remembered the joke the other boy made about him being manipulative.

“You’re smart Won. Even if I was a narcissistic manipulator I know you wouldn’t fall for any of my tricks.”

“Why thank you.” Wonwoo smiled lightly, not thinking much of it.

Jaehyun caressed Wonwoo’s knee with his right hand, still looking into the latter’s eyes. A thought came to him and he wanted to laugh, but he gave Wonwoo the most sincere look instead.

“Did you know you’re beautiful?”

Wonwoo’s lips curled instinctually and he put a finger to his bottom lip, tilting his head as he thought.

“From what this guy keeps telling me, I guess I am.”

Jaehyun came out of his daze and his expression grew serious.

“It isn’t Mingyu is it?” 

“No. This guy is shorter and he has brown hair. I think you know him.”

It took a second for Jaehyun to realize.

“You’re funny Won.” the older boy chuckled. He moved his hand up from where it was perched on Wonwoo’s knee and placed it on the latter’s waist. Wonwoo eyed it, but said nothing about it. 

“If only that was the only reason why you liked me.” 

Out of curiosity, Jaehyun’s eyes couldn't focus on one part of his face. He tried to process the meaning of Wonwoo’s words but gave up, settling on Wonwoo’s lips.

“C’mon Wonwoo, you know there are a whole bunch of reasons why.” 

From the front seat, Mr. Muller smiled with condescension and amusement. He gave them one last look in the rearview mirror before rolling up the privacy window. 

He chuckled to himself.

“Young love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres just too much going on sorry if my writing was confusing or if I was shifting POVs too much. Theres also so many contradictions ik haha.


	29. Testament

Hi guys, I stumbled upon something really important and I’ve been thinking of you all day. I feel very unsettled right now as I write this and my heart is clenching. (Not trying to be dramatic LMAO). I decided to write a letter to you guys because I really care about you not just because you like my story but because you are all individual human beings with the capacity to be rational and to achieve your highest potential. So to put this letter into context, I want you to know that I’m not forcing anything on you but I’m just sharing my thoughts and observations. 

This story that I’m writing has never been solely about Mingyu and Wonwoo, or any of my self-deluded dreams. I didn’t know it until now but this story has been about a ‘hero’s journey’ through the chaos and tragedy of life. As you know, I am a religious Christian and so it is impossible for me to divorce my beliefs from my writing. This letter isn’t just for Christians it is for everyone and I want you guys to know that. It is also impossible for me to deal with the ‘tragedy’ in my life without adding the element of religion to it. I’m not trying to be a martyr and be like ‘oh look at me’ and ‘boo hoo’. But I want you guys to know that all of us have our own problems and life is tragic for all of us. 

The aim of this fanfic has been to show me and others that finding meaning in life is the solution to reducing our suffering. For me personally, I guess you could say the tragedy in my life is not being able to love the person I want to love and receive love back. (It’s not just distance and all that but also I am a homosexual. I prefer that over ‘gay’ lmao) Some of you probably have it way worse than me and I want you to know that I pray for everyone suffering in the world. The big questions for me have always been ‘how are you able to carry that weight on your shoulders?’ or ‘how can you live with knowing you won’t find love?” and “how can you still go on?”

I don’t think human beings have been able to live on because they simply forget about the tragedy, or that their mind suppresses the trauma so that they can move on. Because people with trauma still suffer from it. So I think the only way that we can bear all of this suffering is by finding a higher purpose. 

I want to begin with the troubles I have been having with my mental health. It’s nothing as serious as a mental disorder like depression. But these problems I have been experiencing have really affected my life, my mindset, and the people who I love.

Mingyu was not my first bias. I used to stan BTS and I still love them, but Mingyu was the first idol that I have stanned for more than a year. But that’s not it. ‘Stanning’ is not even the right word. I have been obsessed with him. It’s humiliating to say that half of the thoughts that have popped up in my mind for a year have been all about Mingyu. When I was in the car, in school, or hanging out with my friends, the majority of thoughts in my head had something to do with Mingyu. I even went to my school psychologist and explained to her how obsessed I was. Every night when I prayed, I begged God that Mingyu would find me and that he’d love me. I worshipped him more than I worshipped God. I’m certain that the reason why I exalted Mingyu and made him into the perfect person for me was because I saw a lot of flaws in my family and friends. 

I didn’t have the best childhood and I was taken away from my mother because of her mental illness and my father wasn’t really in my life. He was never a citizen of the US and the last time I saw him was ten years ago before he went back to South America. I am very grateful for my new parents but they are not the best at showing affection and they don’t know much about me. My friends are great but they cannot show affection to me. We don’t hug and our conversations are nice but they aren’t really therapeutic. And so ever since last summer, when I discovered Mingyu, I have been making him into the perfect person in my head to make up for all the flaws in the people around me. I told my school psychologist that I wouldn’t care if I was poor for the rest of my life, or if no one around me loved me. All that I needed was for Mingyu to love me and I’d be happy for the rest of my life. It was because I knew this could never happen, that I began to become sad. I’d bring my sadness to my hangouts with friends, I’d stare out the window in class daydreaming about Mingyu. Even at church, when I was supposed to be praising God, I wished Mingyu was next to me. Everytime I looked in the mirror I’d feel bad about how wide I looked and how Mingyu was thinner than me. Every sunset I saw out my window I always wished Mingyu was next to me to watch it. 

The worst was when I started reading smutty fanfiction and looking and thinking about Mingyu in a lustful and sexual manner. The horrific part is when my mind transformed Mingyu’s innocence into something dirty and vulgar. 

This problem I had (and it still lingers) has tried to lead me away from God, away from a higher purpose in life. I never needed Mingyu to be happy. I don’t even think happiness is the purpose of life. The purpose is to find meaning and to carry our suffering. To find purpose, we have to take responsibility for our misdeeds and to find meaning in our pain. Without evil, there cannot be good. 

God is not all about love, he is jealous and judgemental, but in a good way. He loves us and he doesn’t want us to suffer in the void of meaninglessness. That doesn’t mean there won’t be suffering, or demons that tempt us, but God arms us with weapons to protect ourselves from evil thoughts like sexual desire, bitterness and resentment towards our parents, or wanting to make people’s lives hell. I have felt all these things and I am so ashamed. But God has taken away my sins. He holds my world on his shoulders, not Mingyu. 

It’s so weird that the reason why God wasn’t cutting it for me was because my biggest problem was that I thought I couldn’t feel his love. For all my life I’ve never had a close relationship which I said ‘I love you’ except for the one with my mother. After I was taken out of her custody I never once said “I love you” to anyone. But I want this to be a testament to the power of God’s love. I wasn’t feeling his love when I was sad and alone. But I was able to feel his love when I read the Bible, or listened to church music, or saw the sunrise and beautiful landscapes. I always feel like crying whenever I hear classical music haha. If you listen and tune in you can really hear and feel the happiness in the music, like it’s God embracing your soul. 

All this time I wished Mingyu was next to me. I just wanted to hug him and cry into his chest because I thought that he’d take away all the bad things in my life. But it was really God who did that for me. God can be judgemental because that’s how he decides who goes to hell and heaven. But most of all he loves us. And I know that when I felt ashamed of myself for thinking such evil thoughts about people and my loved ones because of what they would do and say to me, God was always there for me. When I always longed for Mingyu across the ocean, God was watching over me and the Holy Spirit was embracing me. I wished I could have realized it until now but I’m just so happy that I’ve awakened. When God saw me lust and thirst for Mingyu, he may have been angry, but I know that he was also sad for me. I know that if Jesus Christ came back to earth and saw me doing all the things that I did, he wouldn’t send me straight to hell but he would hug me and tell me that he was sorry that those thoughts were in my mind.

The most important moment for me in this struggle to find meaning was when I saw a picture of Mingyu. I was beginning to feel lust and desire for him, and for other idols. One smutty fanfic between Mingyu and Wonwoo lead to more and more with more idols involved. That was when I knew that I didn’t truly love Mingyu. If I truly loved him, I wouldn’t be looking at other guys like they were all the same. I went down a dark path of terrible and disgusting thoughts which had ruined my innocence and the innocence of the kpop idols I loved to listen to. I looked at Mingyu like he was an object for my gratification, like he was nothing else but a tool for my satisfaction. And then something came to my mind and said:

_ “How dare you sin against my children.” _

It wasn’t a voice but it was something that popped up in my head. I didn’t even think about it or make it up, it just came to me. It was like God had spoken to me, like he had planted a seed for me to cultivate. And from then on, I’ve been fighting to stop looking at Mingyu like he’s an object and I’ve stopped worshipping him like he’s my everything. I know a lot of people who say that bands and singers heal their lives with their songs, but I can’t say that’s true for me. What’s healed me is my faith in God and my mission to spread his word which I am trying to do now.

For a year I treated Mingyu as the most important person ‘in my life’ when it should have been God. I was trying to heal myself and numb my pain with the delusional image of a kpop idol. I was trying to deal with suffering by escaping from it in a fantasy. That is why this fanfic is not meant to be a fantasy. I didn’t write this for me to escape from reality. I wrote this to understand myself and my thoughts which I put down on paper and articulated. It’s been therapeutic for me but I really want it to be helpful for anyone who’s been experiencing the same problem as me. 

You guys might think I’m crazy but I hope you know that I want the best for you. My religious journey and my struggle to accept God as my Lord has really helped me. I didn’t need to drink or fantasize about men. What helped me was finding the meaning in suffering, to carry the cross like Jesus Christ did. If we are honest with ourselves and take responsibility on our shoulders, we can reduce our own suffering as well as improve the lives of our loved ones. Even if life is tragic, finding meaning and purpose is our best shot to get to heaven. In heaven I know we will find eternal happiness, contemplating the glory of God just as we think about our loved ones when we miss them. The image of God in our minds is what will get us through everything, I know it. Please don’t forget that God loves you all and we have a chance on this earth to achieve our highest potential. I know you guys probably aren’t as obsessed as I am or obsessed at all lmao, but the message I’m trying to convey is that nothing in the world will get you through the hardships of life except faith, philosophy and religion.

This is my favorite quote from this girl I found on youtube (Little Servant Serving) and she said “God can change anyone if he changed me.”

I just found her on youtube and I love her already. She does a lot of videos on kpop and I listened to her story. It’s really phenomenal.

I hope this letter is worthy of your consideration.

Sincerely,

Aristotle (haha I wish that was my name)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm still writing this fanfic and all the others LOL. I just wanted to share this with you because it's really important to me and it explains why I write. Thank you for reading.


	30. Laches

The stadium was still as grand without the people filling the seats. Mingyu just felt a loss of energy. There weren’t any eager onlookers to motivate him. There were no shouts and cheers to give him adrenaline. There wasn’t a Wonwoo to cheer him on anywhere in sight either. The whole place was dead except for a few of his buddies already playing catch with a football. 

“Kim! Where the hell were you?” his coach yelled. Mingyu tried not to laugh at the loose skin in the older man’s face jiggling as he clenched his teeth.

“What do you mean coach? I’m ten minutes early.”

“That’s late in my book. Now get on the field and rally everyone up. Sehun can’t make it today so you and S.Coups are going to run the drills. I got paperwork to do because a bunch of you dumbasses-”

The boys looked up at the man like dogs perking their ears.

“Yeah you! You know who you are! You all frickin bombed the test and now I have to explain why you’re all so frickin dumb to the department head and not to mention, make another test. And if you thought you could all fail just so you wouldn’t be held accountable, well, think again losers! I’m making it extra hard for you today!” he laughed.

The rest of the team groaned with S.Coups coming onto the field with a confused expression. He already knew what the evening had planned for them; he just wasn’t sure why the coach looked so angry. Or, angrier than usual.

Mingyu only furrowed his brows.

“What do you want me to do coach?”

“Here, it's the To Do list. Even though you’re leading them today make sure you make yourself as miserable and tired as they’ll be when they’re done with the drills. Got it?”

The football player let out a sigh, taking the piece of paper and shoving it into his shorts pocket.

“Yes sir. But-”

“But what? Is it too hard for you?” the man mocked him.

“No, but I was wondering if I could get promoted when Sehun graduates? I even came here after being grounded by my mom. I care about the team coach.” Mingyu grinned.

The older man swallowed the insult he was about to throw at the boy after realizing how serious he looked. 

“You know kid, you got guts. Tell you what, I’ll think about it.” 

“Gee thanks.” Mingyu chuckled, extending his hand for the coach to shake it but the older man brushed him off.

“Just keep your game up!” the man shouted as he walked away.

Mingyu grasped his helmet with both hands, putting it on his head as he turned on his cleats to address the rest of the team. Before he could call everyone to gather around him he spotted S.Coups walking towards him.

“What’s the plan?” the shorter asked, throwing a football towards him.

Mingyu caught it easily and juggled it between his hands as he scanned the field.

“Coach wants us to do drills.”

“So nothing new?”

“You could say that. They're just gonna be more reps and a shorter time limit.”

S.Coups chuckled.

“Yeah I was waiting for coach to show his true colors. It’s been a while since he’s gotten tough on us.”

“He’s always been like this?”

“Man you haven’t seen what I’ve seen. So prepare yourself if you think you can take my position next year.”

“Your position?” Mingyu smirked. “How’d you even find out I was going after the spot?

“Simple. You had that look on your face and coach looked actually surprised for once. I figured, knowing you, you’d pull something bold like that.”

“Huh, I guess you do know me.” the taller shrugged. “Did you really want to be captain?”

S.Coups snorted.

“Why even ask? You gonna give it up to me?” 

“Nah. I was just assessing the competition.”

His black-haired teammate nodded in understanding.

“As you should man. Anyone who sacrifices their own interest for the sake of others is a wimp.”

_Now where did he hear that before? Sacrifice? Self-interest?_

“And I was only kidding about the captain’s position being mine next year. But the true competition is Jaehyun, who’s looking at us like we’re plotting against him by the way.”

“Yeah that’s what he would think. Somehow everything’s got something to do with him.” Mingyu replied, staring down the brown-haired boy through the narrow view of his helmet. Jaehyun hadn’t put his own on, rather, he granted the both of them a view of his dark fiery hair and piercing eyes. The same eyes that weren’t worthy enough to look upon Wonwoo.

“What’s up?” Jaehyun said, slightly squinting with the orange sun shining in his face as he came out from the cover of the bleachers. S.Coups was about to fist bump the guy but Mingyu put his arm on his shoulder and steered him in the opposite direction.

“Nothing.”

“Coach put me and S.Coups in charge since Sehun’s not here.” he added.

“Wait, he did?” S.Coups asked, turning to look up at Mingyu but the latter didn’t answer, keeping his head faced forward. They walked towards the center of the field and Mingyu took out the piece of paper the coach gave them. He realized he wouldn’t be heard if he didn’t take his helmet off and so he did just that, gesturing for the rest of the team to meet them at the fifty yard line.

“Hey! Listen up!” 

II

“Oh my gosh. Hannie. Who’s that?” 

Jeonghan turned to his black-haired friend. 

“Who?” he replied, cupping his ear as he titled it closer to her.

“The guy that just yelled. His voice is so- ugh! It sent shivers down my spine, literally.”

“Oh, Mingyu?”

She looked at him as if he had just come up with the greatest idea in the world.

“Mingyu?” she gasped. “Mingyu.” she said again, smiling towards the sky. She had seen that face before, she just couldn’t put a name to it. She remembered where she was and she composed herself after realizing that there were other people around them on the bleachers. It wasn’t even close to the size of the audience during an actual game, but there were people she didn’t want to make a fool out of herself in front of. 

She watched as Mingyu gave out orders and how he organized the team into groups as they began to do drills. It had been about a minute before she had seen his face grim with determination as well as his hair disheveled. It was etched in her memory as much as it was stained under her eyelids. It was the first time she had really been in front of him. Most of the time in class she sat behind him, wondering how it would feel to rake her manicured nails through his hair. He was the handsomest man she had ever seen. Well, he was still a boy. But she was still a girl. Perhaps they could grow together. 

She inwardly giggled. 

“Yes Chaeyeon, that’s his name.” Jeonghan glowered. His friend could be overbearing at times but he was mostly just too tired to respond. Watching S.Coups begin to sprint around the field was tiring even him. He hoped S.Coups got all his stamina from the thought of chasing him around the field. He didn’t mind, just hook him on a fishing rod for S.Coups to chase after on a treadmill and that would be his exercise. He glanced at Chaeyeon once again, realizing that she was even more into Mingyu than he was his own boyfriend. He needed to stop it at once.

“I’m pretty sure Mingyu’s not on the market. He...he has a thing with someone Chae. Sorry.” 

“What do you mean? You think I can’t outcompete his girlfriend?” 

  
Jeonghan lost his motherly calm. 

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean’? He’s taken. Game over. And no you are not going to drop a book in front of him and expect him to fall in love with you. His heart is someone else’s.” 

“So basically I don’t have a chance?”

“Unfortunately not.” Jeonghan said softly, although it wasn’t really unfortunate. Not only did Wonwoo not deserve the guy, he wasn’t going to endorse him for Chaeyeon either. Even if she was a little bit ‘out there’. 

But then why did he feel like he wanted Mingyu and Wonwoo together? If Mingyu was really a libertine and womanizing scamp, then there was no doubt that Chaeyeon’s allure wouldn’t work its magic on him. Wonwoo had his own version of beauty which was modest and elegant and then there was Chaeyeon. She was more _revealing_ and her clothing had a personality of its own. He’d like to call it _extraverted_. 

It wasn’t until Mingyu and S.Coups walked over to them on their water break that Jeonghan realized they would have a problem. Chaeyeon watched Mingyu walk up the stairs to reach their level as if he was Prince Charming with the glass slipper in his hand that she had lost. 

Still conscious of their relationship around Mingyu, Jeonghan refrained from placing himself in S.Coups’ arms and instead, simply took his hand, holding onto it before Mingyu could turn his head towards Chaeyeon. 

“Are you guys alright? I guess Coach is having you do a lot of stuff isn’t he?”

“Yeah, it sucks.” his boyfriend grimaced.

“He isn’t even here, why bother?” Jeonghan chuckled. His tone was slightly nervous as he caught the movement of Chaeyeon’s approach in his periphery.

“It’s the right thing to do, aint it?” Mingyu asked, stretching his arms behind him so much so that his chest muscles and abs could be seen molded in the fabric of his jersey. 

He could hear Chaeyeon’s breath hitch behind him, but the other boys took no notice. Fortunately.

Jeonghan stepped more in front of them, centering himself between their lines of sight so that he could see through the gap between.

He pretended to look interested in making conversation, if only Chaeyeon could let up and leave them alone.

“Is it the right thing to do because you’re afraid of getting caught? Or because you actually believe in universal principles and duty ethics?”

S.Coups gave him a bewildered look while Mingyu furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at him curiously.

“Have you been hanging around Wonwoo lately? I swear.” Mingyu snickered.

Jeonghan raised his chin.

“Since when was Wonwoo your concern?” 

The taller football player’s expression relaxed but his eyes looked dead inside. It was like fire was raging in Mingyu’s soul but there was no wind to fan the flames or keep them alive. They were just burning to a crisp.

“I-” Mingyu began, but a look of irritation appeared on his face. Jeonghan must really be Wonowoo’s best friend if he was acting like Wonwoo’s mother. Mingyu thought that it was none of his business anyways. If Wonwoo was going around telling people about the party then he was going to have a talk with him. But he could save it for later. 

  
  


It was funny though. He couldn’t talk to Wonwoo when Wonwoo was upset, but he could when _he_ was the one upset.

“What’s with the attitude all of a sudden?” the taller player asked, causing Jeonghan’s eyes to soften.

“I just find it interesting you want to talk about doing the right thing when it comes to football and a coach who always yells at you but when it comes to Wonwoo you're willing to abandon him.”

Mingyu didn’t know what to say. Wonwoo was lucky that Jeonghan was on his side. Of course, he was lucky Wonwoo wasn’t there. He knew Wonwoo could put him through the ringer and destroy him with his words and wit if he wanted to. 

Jeonghan could tell that he struck a nerve.

“What are you talking about? He was the one who walked away from me.” Mingyu gritted.

“Whatever.” the taller boy continued, muttering to himself. “I didn’t want this to spill over and affect my friendships. Let’s drop it.”

“Oh you don’t want it to spill over?” Jeonghan smiled. “Then get rid of the problem before it does.”

Mingyu didn’t look like he was keen on taking the advice.

“Why does it have to fall down to me? I didn’t ask to be the one solving the problem. I was just being nice and doing what coach told me to do, that’s different from being friends with Wonwoo and wanting to fix our friendship.”

S.Coups sighed.

“Coach said he’d consider promoting Mingyu next year.”

It suddenly hit Jeonghan.

“So that’s why you care about doing what’s right and not lying about it? You’re really just a dog Mingyu. If you didn’t want Wonwoo walking away from you then you should have just told him that if he rewarded you maybe you’d behave better. Funny thing is, Wonwoo never treated you like you were a dog. You know how smart he is, right? And yet he still stuck to your side. How many people are you going to meet that don’t care that you’re a knucklehead. Only one. And you’re an idiot for not realizing that Mingyu.”

Well at least Jeonghan made him. Mingyu held a defeated expression, but it was still angry and resentful.

“That’s why Wonwoo walked away I guess.” the taller replied bluntly, looking at him without remorse. But Jeonghan knew it was just an act. From how Mingyu clenched his fists, to how his face looked like he was trying to compose himself, Jeonghan knew the guy regretted what he did; how he had cheated on Wonwoo in his heart.

“Just know this Mingyu, if this whole thing continues, I don’t think you’ll have a friendship to fix. I’m just keeping it real, as a friend. Don’t forget. Okay?”

“No harm done.” Mingyu shrugged, letting the air cool down around them.

“Okayyyyy.” S.Coups smiled, clapping his hands together like he had just gotten the whole gang back together. 

Jeonghan rested a hand on his hip, waiting for his boyfriend to stop making the moment awkward. 

“Hannie, I’m going to need a favor from you. I was going to get it myself but since you and Mingyu battled it out we don’t have time. So thank you for that-”

“Question.” Jeonghan said, tapping his foot to remind S.Coups why he was rambling.

“Right. Could you and Mingyu go get the practice equipment? We just need the cones, the ladders, and the practice dummies.”

Jeonghan groaned, not wanting to walk all that way to the storage room. 

“Fine.”

He turned to Chaeyeon.

“Sorry Chae, I’ll be back soon.”

He was expecting Chaeyeon to slump her shoulders but she jumped at the opportunity. Her expression was optimistic if not full of enthusiasm and eagerness. 

“I’ll go with you and help.” 

“It’s fine. Me and Jeonghan got this.” Mingyu said bluntly.

Chaeyeon squealed at the fact that Mingyu spoke to her but she was taken aback by his tone.  
  


“Why, are girls not allowed where we’re going?” 

Mingyu looked even more annoyed, and not in a good way because of Wonwoo. But because he knew when a chick was fawning over him.

He was going to reply with a curt response but S.Coups had to cut him off as he was making his way down the stairs.

“Mingyu there are two practice dummies and they are pretty heavy. And Jeonghan won’t be able to carry the cones and the ladder at the same time so take her along with you.”

“But-”

S.Coups was already gone.

Jeonghan gave him a sheepish smile. “Chaeyeon is cool. You’ll like her.”

The football player thought Jeonghan looked like he was being held hostage but was hiding the fact. The blonde always sounded honest but this time there was more to it.

Mingyu heard the girl beckon Jeonghan to catch up to her as she was already headed in the direction of the storage room. He turned to watch the two of them begin to rush off towards the staircase on the other side of the bleachers which lead to the parking lot. But then his eyes focused in, ignoring the blonde-haired boy in favor of the dark-haired girl who looked to be enjoying herself as she walked.

_You’ll like her._

“Hopefully.” Mingyu muttered, wondering if Chaeyeon was a blessing or a curse. Maybe a one night stand with Tzuyu wasn’t enough to get Wonwoo out of his head. Maybe he needed something more long term. It wasn’t like Chaeyeon had that much of a pull on him. Wonwoo was the one who had struck his core, really. Wonwoo possessed the gravitational pull of the sun on him while Chaeyeon - like any hot girl, pulled him with the gravity that felt more like Pluto. It was pathetic to be honest; how she tried to attract boys and how his eyes could stoop that low and follow her. It wasn’t like he was naturally drawn to her. Rather, he made his eyes follow after her. He had to if he wanted to get over Wonwoo or so he thought. But looking at the cutouts in her clothes, the crop top she was wearing, and the skirt that barely reached the halfway mark of her thighs, he caught himself wondering. Maybe he could make it work if he tried really hard. 

III

Jeonghan had already grabbed a pair of agility ladders and was about to walk out the door of the storage room when he realized Chaeyeon was not as close behind him as he thought.

How hard was it to just get the cones and leave?

He turned around with an annoyed expression. It turned out that his suspicions were confirmed and he caught Chaeyeon transfixed by the sight of Mingyu lugging a practice dummy over his shoulder. 

If S.Coups thought he couldn’t handle it then he wondered just how heavy it was. Mingyu didn’t make it seem so. But, then again, he was Mingyu. 

Chaeyeon wore a look of admiration on her face as she slowly walked towards him. She wasn’t looking where she was going and bumped into Jeonghan who stood at the door, an unimpressed look gracing his face.

It wasn’t until Mingyu was done putting the second tackling dummy under his arm when Chaeyeon realized she had stumbled and that Mingyu was now smirking at her.

She took it as a challenge and turned her head away, not wanting to give Mingyu the satisfaction of witnessing her make a fool out of herself. 

“Are you going to go Hannie?” she asked plainly, prompting him to give her an ‘are you serious’ look.

“Yeah, just waiting for you.”

Chaeyeon ignored the sass as she was too caught up in wondering how far Mingyu was behind her. Once she heard the sound of his cleats hit the grass outside she became self-conscious. Yet at the same time, a spike of excitement coursed through her. 

She twisted her neck slightly as if she was checking up on Mingyu who began to catch up beside her. He seemed to notice her as well and he glanced at her in acknowledgement. 

Mingyu looked determined to carry the two black leather punching-bag-like objects all the way back to the field and it made her shiver. Not once did he stop to catch his breath, even when a drop of sweat rolled down his bronze skin. To make things more intense for her, Mingyu began to walk faster without any effort. She may have wanted to tell him that he was a show off but she couldn’t help but feel shocked and invigorated at the same time at the sight of his arm muscles clenching to hold the practice equipment under his arm and on his shoulder. It made her wonder how easy it would be for him to pick her up.

The football player let out a breath as he looked at her, having caught her staring. 

“What?” he asked, not bothering to sugar coat his tone.

Chaeyeon giggled.

“Nothing, I was just wondering how you can carry those things so easily.”

Mingyu grinned smugly.

“Oh these? They’re nothing.”

“Right.” Chaeyeon said sarcastically.

“I mean- if you really want to see me break a sweat you could visit me at the gym.”

Did she hear that correctly?

“Is that an invitation?”

“No, it’s a suggestion.” 

“And I suggest otherwise.” Jeonghan interjected, walking backwards in order to face the both of them. “Mingyu’s a playboy, you really don’t want to-”

He was cut off by the sound of Chaeyeon’s laughter.

“What? I figured you were a gentleman?” she said, looking up at the football player with a playful smile.

“Well if you like mystery, things aren’t always what they seem to be. At least that’s what's up with me.”

She thought twice about that.

“Yeah, I’m not really interested in being a detective.”

“Then what are you interested in?” Mingyu cocked an eyebrow.

Jeonghan butted in.

“She’s into the nice, charming...you know. Those types of guys. Definitely not you Mingyu.”

“Hey, let her speak for herself.” the taller barked, turning back to look down at Chaeyeon with a smirk on his face.

She tried not to look nervous under that intense stare of his, but she was relieved when a sudden wave of confidence washed over her.

“I don’t know about you Jeonghan but I think Mingyu’s nice and charming already. Even if you say he’s a playboy. But who doesn’t want to have fun and you know, ride the rollercoaster?”

Mingyu chuckled to himself. 

“Finally, someone who gets it. Everyone takes dating too seriously. It’s not like I’m getting married anytime soon.” 

Chaeyeon hit his shoulder and laughed.

“I totally agree. The only commitment I have is commitment to having a good time.”

“And you just need a guy to show you.” Mingyu grinned.

Was he for real?

“Wow, someone makes sense for once.”

“Oh yeah? It was pretty obvious that you were thirsty from the beginning. It’s not rocket science.” 

Strong, handsome, bold… what else came with the package deal?

“Maybe Jeonghan was right about you.” Chaeyeon scoffed, looking away from the boy.

Mingyu wasn’t going to relent. He didn’t even need to be a mind reader when he could just read her face. No matter how much makeup she wore he could still see her blush.

“Even if he was, I know you can’t stop a crush that quickly.”

She gave him a dirty look.

“Like you’re crushable? Please.”

“Trust me, I am.”

“I trust you’re a narcissist.”

Mingyu knew the banter wasn’t getting them anywhere and so he stepped in front of Chaeyeon, causing her to gulp as he loomed over her.

“At least I have self-esteem.”

“Do you get it by taking away mine?” Chaeyeon retorted, attempting to go around him but he stopped her by stepping in her way.

“No, I get it from the fact that you couldn’t stop looking at me. So much that you didn’t even know where you were going.”

Chayeeon didn’t know if she should have been angry or flustered. She decided she’d let him continue. He always had the stage after all.

“I don’t blame you though, I’m probably the handsomest guy you’ve ever seen.”

She pretended to give up.

“Okay whatever.” Chaeyeon sighed. “You can turn around now because I don’t want to look at you anymore.”

Mingyu smiled and shook his head.

“What can I say? Looks like you have a lot of self-esteem since it’s obvious that you want a lot of guys to look at you.” he said, eyeing her up and down. She emitted a gasp as the football player smugly turned back around, cooly walking off to another part of the football field. 

Jeonghan inhaled deeply.

“I told you.”

But she was only more enamored with the so-called playboy. 

IV

He couldn’t stand it. 

It was like Jaehyun knew exactly what time he got to school and it seriously ticked him off.

He had been leaning against the bike rack outside the lobby talking to his friends when he noticed the dynamic duo of black and fiery brown hair who just happened to be the same height but polar opposites so much so that they were impossible to ignore. Mingyu guessed the campus student body had gotten used to seeing the two together. There were still a lot of students who tripped over their feet when they saw them, but the rest weren’t surprised. Everyone he knew said that opposites attracted. 

What surprised him - although nothing could match his anger - was how Jaehyun treated Wonwoo. Girls were always stealing glances at the guy, fawning over every detail in his behavior, every smirk, every little glint in his eye. At least Wonwoo didn’t. At least there was still hope that Wonwoo was saving all of that for him. 

What was he thinking? Was he self-obsessed or self-deluded.

He could’ve sworn that Jaehyun was ready to drag Wonwoo to bed with him. Not to mention how he was practically humping Wonwoo’s leg at Joshua’s party. What made him change? True love?

Mingyu internally laughed. He looked away from the ‘couple’ walking up towards the entrance doors, trying to distract himself with the obnoxious and meaningless conversation his friends were having. But over Bambam’s shoulder he saw Jaehyun hand Wonwoo what looked to be coffee. It looked like it was expensive too. Did Jaehyun always have to outdo himself? The guy even was bold enough to put the straw in for him like he thought Wonwoo couldn’t do it himself. 

Whatever. That was what Wonwoo wanted didn’t he? The boy was just needy for someone to take care of him. 

He wanted to make fun of Wonwoo for it and get a sense of evil satisfaction from the fact, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Mingyu could look down at Tzuyu and think she was pathetic, he could look Chaeyeon up and down and call her thirsty, but he couldn’t do it with Wonwoo. Wonwoo wasn’t like that. Mingyu didn’t believe it but the thought came to him that maybe he just hated Wonwoo because he was so pure and good. The kid had frickin adopted his own moral code probably before he learned his ABC’s. What wasn’t there to admire about him? Wonwoo was everything he wasn’t. Maybe that was the meaning behind ‘opposites attract’. 

But if they were ever together, he’d be lowering Wonwoo’s standards. He’d be diluting the good and the pure in a cesspit of muck and sludge. Why did he expect Wonwoo to fix him? Could he really? 

Had Wonwoo actually tamed the beast that was Jaehyun, or had he merely suppressed it? Pretty soon, it was inevitable that Jaehyun’s true personality would return. It had to. The beast had been starved. 

It was inevitable from the beginning. Maybe Jaehyun wasn’t just trying to improve himself. Maybe Jaehyun was trying to improve himself to get Wonwoo to love him. 

Though, Wonwoo was smart enough to know. He probably knew from the start. And so he didn’t want to worry. Still, Jaehyun could try to do cute and loving things for Wonwoo but he could still see that predatory glint in his eyes. It’s something that could never disappear. It was part of him. It was Jaehyun’s nature. 

V

“Dude, the Fall Dance is coming up. Who are you gonna ask?” 

Mingyu looked at Bambam as if he wasn’t serious. They had all seen the information about the dance on the bulletin so he assumed the kid wouldn’t have to bring it up.

“I don’t want to go there right now.”

The shorter boy cocked an eyebrow.

“Alright, Mr. Sensitive.” 

Mingyu glared at him and the next thing Bambam knew, the taller boy had pushed his friend into the wall. 

“Ah, fuck.” Bambam seethe, rubbing his shoulder. 

“I warned you.” Mingyu shook his head. 

Kai snorted.

“Bambam you should know it’s a sensitive subject. Especially after Mingyu did the nasty with Tzu-”

Mingyu turned around on his feet, grabbing his teammate’s jersey.

“You wanna be next?” 

Kai gulped.

“Nah it’s okay. My bad.” he laughed awkwardly, but it looked more like he was silently pleading for the taller to let him go.

Mingyu released his grip but not before pushing Kai aside.

“I need to find a friend, see ya.” he muttered, walking through the double doors that lead outside, abandoning his friends. He could hear their laughter stop as the doors closed. It was replaced by the sounds of birds chirping, leaves rustling and the breeze in his ears. Most of the tables were empty since it was getting colder outside. He guessed everyone had moved to the food court. 

That didn’t stop Wonwoo’s friend group from hanging outside. Mingyu knew his own friends were wimps if Wonwoo and Jeonghan could handle a breeze and they couldn’t. 

As he got closer to the group, Mingyu realized that the black mop of hair that he had grown accustomed to seeing was missing from the table. There was a seat left vacant, like they were all remembering Wonwoo as if it was a funeral service.

Jeonghan and S.Coups didn’t notice him approaching behind them and their friends were too nervous to say anything. Or maybe they just wanted to see Mingyu scare them. He had to say, Wonwoo hung around with a lot of interesting personalities. 

“Coups, I literally can’t. She’s really-” Jeonghan whispered, spinning his finger next to his head.

“Who?” S.Coups narrowed his eyes.

“Chaeyeon. She heard about the dance and now she wants me to tell Mingyu that she’s single. I mean, anyone would know since she’s walking around on heels like the hall is a stripper runway.”

_Interesting._

“When did you get this angry ?” S.Coups chuckled. Jeonghan was about to explain to him when he spotted Mingyu in the corner of his eye.

“I’ll tell you later.” he patted his boyfriend’s shoulder, looking up at the other football player.

“Yes?”

“Where’s Wonwoo?”

S.Coups almost choked.

“Gee thanks for coming to see us.”

Mingyu’s fists clenched slightly.

“I just needed to talk to him before our presentation.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. 

“I see.” looking away from Mingyu as he sat down. “He’s in the cafeteria.”

If Mingyu had dog ears they would already be up.

“With Jaehyun.” the blonde added, crushing all hope. 

“Don’t worry, Yugyeom and Mark are with them. And I’m pretty sure Lisa and Jennie wouldn’t allow Jaehyun to pull any funny business.” S.Coups said.

“That’s not-” Mingyu began but he slapped his forehead.

“Whatever, it wasn’t important anyways.”

S.Coups shrugged, turning towards his boyfriend to silently ask him what was going on. 

Jeonghan simply pursed his lips and shook his head, eliciting a sigh from the other boy. 

  
Their other friends were trying their best to steer clear and hold their own conversations but Vernon couldn’t help but furrowed his brow and put his arm forward.

“Hey, what’s stopping you from talking to him?”

Jun looked up at his friend, wondering why Vernon was involving himself in the situation. After all, Vernon wasn’t Wonwoo’s best friend. Minghao and Seungkwan both grabbed their partner’s hands, sensing the tension all of a sudden. Their attempts to calm them down didn’t work.

Mingyu gave Vernon a look that told him he wasn’t considering the question. Meanwhile, Jun narrowed his eyes.

“Vernon, stay out of it. This is between Wonwoo-”

“Yeah and Wonwoo’s my friend! He’s yours too Jun, why haven’t you beaten this guy up yet?”

While Jun visibly went stiff, Mingyu leaned into the table and moved one of his knuckles forward, glaring at the other boy.

“Jun’s right, stay out of it.” 

Vernon gritted his teeth.

“If you keep it up I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“Vernon.” Seunkwan said softly, going as far as to reach for the other boys chin. “Look at me, don’t go there.”

The kid looked even angrier. 

“I wasn’t the first person to go there! Don’t tell me to take the high road.”

“Vernon, don’t you care about how I see you? I won’t let you get into a fight.”

Vernon shook his head.

“I thought _you_ cared about Wonwoo. You aren’t going to help me defend him?”

Seungkwan looked like the impossible had been asked of him.

“Not that way. And this goes for the both of you.” Seunkwan said, shooting daggers towards Vernon _and_ Mingyu. “You guys need to talk it out. I’m not going to see fists flying.”

“Then control your boyfriend.” Mingyu grunted, getting up from his seat.

“Excuse me?” Seungkwan gaped. “You need to control your dick and your attitude.” 

Mingyu huffed and walked away, causing the table to shake as he pushed off from it.

Vernon turned to his boyfriend.

“Now do you want me to defend you?” 

VI

Wonwoo had probably given up on trying to tempt him. Mingyu couldn’t say that had been the black-haired boy’s motive all along. All he could say was that Wonwoo was back to wearing sweaters and clothing that hid every part of his body except his face and hands. He never realized how long Wonwoo’s neck looked in that black turtleneck of his. It looked so breakable, like he could hold it in his hands. The power he would have.

Maybe that was why he chose absolute monarchy over democracy. Even if Wonwoo was against the idea of men ruling other men, Mingyu knew that the boy wanted to be ruled. Why else was he hanging around Jaehyun. It couldn’t have been because Jaehyun was a good listener and didn’t fall asleep whenever Wonwoo spoke. 

Yet there was something about Wonwoo’s fragility that made him beautiful. And as they gave their presentation to their photography class, Mingyu couldn’t help but stare at Wonwoo as he spoke. Wonwoo wasn’t an object that just happened to be fragile. Wonwoo was something that could be protected. That ought to be. From the world, from him, and from himself. If only he was the worst of Wonwoo’s problems. But Mingyu knew that something else was torturing Wonwoo from the inside, something that he couldn’t protect him from. Helplessness was the worst feeling wasn’t it? Not just for the victim, but for the person who was trying to help. Yet was it right to call Wonwoo the victim? He was so much more than that. 

They both needed help. Wonwoo did not look like he should be doing all the work. Who would think that Wonwoo was flawed? Well, someone. 

“Is something funny Mr. Kim?” their professor asked, interrupting Wonwoo. Everyone looked towards him, wanting to know as well. Mingyu was known to be a trouble-maker and so anything that made him snicker had to be funny. It was also super entertaining to see their professor upset of course. 

“No sir. I- uh-” he paused before a lightbulb flashed over his head. “I was just nervous.”

“Wonwoo’s the one talking.” 

Dammit.

VII

Mingyu had been in the locker room when S.Coups entered. The taller boy was getting something from his locker before heading out to his internship at Mr. Jeon’s office. He wasn’t surprised to see his friend with his duffle bag around his shoulders and a football in his hand. It was the fact that S.Coups looked more like an angry father than a concerned friend. It was weird.

“What? Are you going to get on the field or are you just going to keep giving me a death glare.” Mingyu chuckled.

It was clear to the older boy that Mingyu was already getting comfortable with the thought of being next year’s captain.

“If anything, Wonwoo should be the one that wants you dead.” S.Coups said, narrowing his eyes. 

Mingyu’s expression darkened.

“How do you know what Wonwoo wants?’ he spat.

“I don’t. Jeonghan told me everything.”

The taller huffed.

“Took you long enough.”

Then he heard a loud bang. He only saw a blur of brown whip by him as he ducked, causing the locker behind him to shake and rattle. Apparently the football in S.Coups’ hand was gone.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Mingyu growled, stepping onto the bench in front of him and then stepping down from it, getting closer to S.Coups in order to intimidate him. 

“What the fuck is yours?” 

“You’re the one coming in here and trying to start a fight!” Mingyu yelled, shoving the older boy back slightly while S.Coups slapped his hands away. 

“You started it when you fucked Tzuyu.” 

Mingyu smirked.

“I wanted to end it. That’s why I hooked up with her. Wonwoo was the one who started it when he decided to let Jaehyun get close to him.”

S.Coups closed his eyes in frustration.

“You don’t get it. Wonwoo pushed him away. I was there!” he shouted, pointing to himself.

“But you weren’t all the other times! You don’t know how close they are now. Don’t tell me they aren’t a fucking thing!” 

“Because of you fucking asshole!” 

Mingyu’s shoulders dropped and he let out a breath. Didn’t S.Coups get it?

“Wonwoo doesn’t like me.”

S.Coups didn’t know what to say. He promised Jeonghan not to tell Mingyu that Wonwoo liked him. As much as they wanted the two to come together they couldn’t just violate Wonwoo’s privacy. Fuck, they should have consulted with him first.

“What if he does?” the older boy pressed with a firm expression.

Mingyu tried not to laugh.

“You guys just want us to be together because you think Wonwoo’s good for me or some shit. I couldn’t fucking care less. Just stop trying to make your fantasy a reality. And stop forcing it on me.”

“Then why are you hurting Wonwoo? Can’t you tell he’s upset?”

“Then why get mad at me for banging Tzuyu? You don’t like that I vented my frustrations with her but you don’t mind Wonwoo getting together with Jaehyun. Funny huh? Your boyfriend just hated Tzuyu and now he doesn’t like Chaeyeon either.”

_How was it venting when he was still frustrated?_

S.Coups wasn’t going to bother. He wanted to punch Mingyu so bad for mentioning his boyfriend and exposing them like that. But they were doing this for Wonwoo.

“Answer the question Kim.” 

Mingyu tensed again, gritting his teeth.

“Wonwoo isn’t fucking hurt! He just wants to guilt and shame me. He looks down on people like me you know. He likes to keep people like Jaehyun around to feel good about himself!” 

S.Coups cringed.

“What are you- Mingyu! Who the hell is putting this shit in your head? It’s excuse after excuse! You’re trying to rationalize something that doesn’t exist, all because you aren’t man enough.”

Mingyu smirked, walking past S.Coups but not before shouldering him.

“I fucked Tzuyu and you didn’t. Who’s man enough now?” 

And with that, the door slammed closed, leaving S.Coups to regret not punching Mingyu.

VII

Mingyu got home from the Jeon Rodolfo headquarters before his family finished dinner. 

His mother had told him to sit and eat with them but he was too angry to comply. Plus he didn’t want to ruin their dinner with his mood. At least, that was how he viewed it.

“Mingyu, clean your room! It’s a dump! I swear it could be on an episode of Hoarders!” his mother yelled.

The football player groaned, deciding that cleaning his room could make up for the day. He wanted to end it on a good note at least. Even if he was still angry at his mother, it felt good to do her a favor. It was the least he could do really. 

He had gathered a bunch of things on the floor and on top of his desk and walked over to his bed, feeling for the bin underneath it and pulling it out. He was about to open the lid when his eyes caught sight of a slab on the ground that he realized was a book.

Wonwoo was reading something when he was here wasn’t he? 

There was a picture of a painting on the cover, some Renaissance style art work or something. He didn’t even know how to pronounce the title nevermind the author’s name. It read “LACHES” by some guy called Plato, someone who Wonwoo had mentioned to him to before. He forgot who the guy really was and he wouldn’t have been interested in opening the book if Wonwoo’s passion didn’t interest him. 

Once he turned the front page, his eyes were drawn to big and bold print under the title which was listed a second time. As if the reader was some stupid idiot who found the book under their bed and forgot the title already.

There was a quote:

_“For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories”_

Why did that have to make so much damn sense? 

He didn’t want to think much of it so he let the pages fly by, loosening his thumb’s hold on the book but then stopped because he noticed something that was hot pink appear amidst the beige of the paper.

It was a few sticky notes that had lost their stickiness and were slanted down. Wonwoo had definitely read it if he left all the sticky notes. As he opened the page more they stuck out and he spotted Wonwoo’s remarkable penmanship, or at least he thought it was remarkable. Usually in class Wonwoo wrote like Benjamin Franklin writing the Declaration of Independence. But now, Wonwoo seemed to have abandoned that side of him, opting to jot down messy scribbles. 

He realized it was commentary Wonwoo had made on the page, most likely a little rambling in his head that he needed to get out before he forgot. Who knew how many thoughts shot through his mind? How did he even know Wonwoo was the one who wrote on the note? Maybe his friend was the one who wrote it and had given him the book. Well there was only one way to find out.

_SOCRATES: Shall we then invite Nicias to join us?_

_NICIAS: I have been thinking, Socrates, that you and Laches are not defining courage in the right way, for you have forgotten an excellent saying which I have heard from your own lips.... I have often heard you say that "every man is good in that in which he is wise, and bad in that in which he is unwise".... And therefore if the brave man is good, he is also wise._

_[LACHES says that he does not] very well understand Nicias._

_SOCRATES: I think that I understand him, and he appears to me to mean that courage is a sort of wisdom._

Mingyu’s finger slid beneath one of the notes, lifting it up for him to read in the light of his bedside lamp.

**_Is the virtue of courage the sort of wisdom that leads man to expand his knowledge such as with beauty?_ **

**_Can a virtue (courage) be used to attain another virtue? Like how courage can lead to justice?_ **

**_How is one courageous if he simply acts from knowledge? There seems to be something automatic about that. What if one had the virtue of courage instilled in them in childhood, and from that knowledge they acted courageous. There is no free will involved but rather a matter of circumstance and education. Mustn't a free will be involved to attain virtue?_ **

**_It follows that a distinction between types of virtues should be made: (1) Those virtues that are the highest virtues. They are the end all be all. They are the last to lead one to happiness i.e. wisdom and justice. (2) Those virtues that are antecedent and lead one to the highest virtues. They are necessary to possess in order to attain wisdom and justice. These would be courage, beauty, moderation etc._ **

**_Since courage is a sort of wisdom, could it also be considered in terms of amount?_ **

**_If one can distinguish the beautiful from the ugly, then in Plato’s terms (since beauty is a virtue and virtue is wisdom), they are said to be wise, but how wise and what sort of wisdom do they possess?_ **

**_In regards to the idea that beauty and courage lead to higher virtues, one must consider the notion of amount of wisdom. Although we’d have to assume that there is a maximum amount or a completeness that exists to explain the lesser amounts. (The question of one being truly wise suggests that one can be perfect. Yet Plato says that nothing is perfect on earth. Therefore, the maximum amount/completeness of wisdom must exist in another dimension which is the cause that explains the existence of the amounts and sorts of wisdom in this one.)_ **

**_NOTE TO SELF: I disagree with Plato. I am simply using his logic._ **

**_One question: If one seeks knowledge, don’t they have to know something to seek it. I am aware that man has a desire for knowledge but that doesn’t explain how he knows that he doesn’t know. How does an unwise person know they are not wise? One needs knowledge to know that they don’t know, don’t they?_ **

**_NOTE: It seems that I am just coming up with new ways to support Plato’s Theory of Recollection. I do not hold that man has innate knowledge but perhaps our desire for knowledge has something to do with how one goes from unwise to wise without at first knowing they aren’t wise._ **

The last sticky note ended with a big question mark slapped onto it with a circle around it. The dot at the bottom of the hook was darker and had actually been punched in by Wonwoo’s pencil. It was obvious to Mingyu that Wonwoo had not been satisfied. 

Yeah, that was Wonwoo alright. 

Mingyu fell back on his pillow and set the book down next to him. It was like he had just had a conversation with Wonwoo all over again, like that time in the pizzeria they went to. 

He wanted to slap his forehead once more but stopped after realizing that it might have been making him dumber and dumber. 

He really wanted Wonwoo to be next to him.

_Wait_.

‘Next to him’ in a good way. He chuckled to himself. If Wonwoo’s heart raced everytime he got close to him, then he wondered what Wonwoo would be like if they laid together. 

Mingyu wanted to pat himself on the shoulder for not bringing Tzuyu home with him. He probably would have lit his bed on fire after that. He’d rather smell smoke and burning wood rather than her perfume. Even if Wonwoo was his mortal enemy he still wouldn’t have the boy lay in the same bed as she had. 

It was like he had sworn an oath to Wonwoo, a small and barely significant one. But it was significant because it was just that; an oath. 

People could make people laugh. People could look hot. They could be kind and have a great personality. But in the end all that stuff didn’t matter, not as much as the laws of love. And the laws of love was something he liked to call all the things he and Wonwoo could share, like the bond they could have and the union they could commit themselves to.

If only he could muster up the courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I've sewed the roots of discontent hehehehe.
> 
> OH and I just was like "let me come up with a bunch of questions" at the end. HAHAH.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a tiny climax heehhehe
> 
> i wrote this so fast, I needed to get it out QUICK. Hopefully u guys like it!

“Do I have to go bowling with you guys? I heard Rachel Ray was doing a book signing at Costco. Can’t we just go there?” 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes as Wonwoo eyed his car suspiciously.

“What are you a fifty year old mom who does nothing all day but watch Food Network?”

“Very funny. So how about you answer my question?” Wonwoo smiled.

So that’s how Wonwoo was going to be?

“No. You’re going with us. How will Jaehyun ever like you if you don’t know how to bowl?”

“I thought I just needed to look good. And wait- you mean Mingyu not Jaehyun?”

“Nope.”

Wonwoo eyes widened. “Jeonghan, I don’t like this.”

“Well, too bad. Now get in the car.”

The black-haired boy pursed his lips, looking down at his feet as he pulled open the door a little too hard. He dropped himself into the seat, not bothering to glare at Jeonghan over the roof of the car. He swung his leg inside and slammed the door shut, crossing his arms as if Jeonghan was dragging him to the doctor’s office. The only time he’d go to the doctor’s office was when the new edition of Vanity Fair came out and he didn’t want to buy the magazine.

He gave a quick glance at Jeonghan as if making sure that the blonde was still serious before slumping in his seat like he was going back to prison after coming off parole.

“Who’s going to be at the place anyways? I figured we would have gone Friday night? Who the heck bowls on a Sunday afternoon?”

“We do I guess.” Jeonghan hummed. “Seungkwan made the plans. He wanted to get the group together on a lighter note. So if you want, you can blame him.”

“Seungkwan? Lighter note? What happened?”

“Your ex-crush happened.” 

Wonwoo’s head fell back in laughter.

“Please Jeonghan, don’t beat around the bush.”

The older boy cleared his throat.

“Okay.” he cracked his neck and let out a sigh. “Mingyu and Vernon kind of butted heads. Jun wasn’t really involved but Vernon had something to say to him as well. And I… how do I put this?”

“You sent S.Coups as your hitman to beat up Mingyu?” 

“More like as an ambassador of diplomacy.”

“And you thought Mingyu would talk it out with him?”

Jeonghan gave him a look.

“Oh like you don’t think you could fix Mingyu by talking to him?”

Wonwoo fished for his chapstick in his pocket.

“Sometimes love can be stronger than words.” he said bluntly, eyeing the other as he applied the spearmint-scented product. 

Jeonghan giggled.

“Stop it Wonwoo, save the weird eye and lip things you do for Jaehyun. I’m trying to drive!” 

“You just don’t have the appeal like I do.” Wonwoo pursed his lips, totally joking. He brought down the sun visor to look at himself in the mirror. “You know I’ve never been this vain but it’s fun.” he laughed.

“I can see you winning and rubbing it in everyone’s face.” Jeonghan nodded.

“Alright, you’re on my team.”

“We need a name.”

Wonwoo thought for a moment, trying to brainstorm when Jeonghan took his eyes off the road for a second to look at him.

“Bowling Bosses!” 

Wonwoo waved a hand up in dismissal.

“Too childish. What’d that take you, your only brain cell to come up with? C’mon Jeonghan.” the younger teased. “I would love Boss Bitches but I don’t want to be vulgar. I don’t think Vernon’s grown up yet. Hmmmm. I was thinking… Kingpin.”

“Great name if we want to look like we’re part of the mafia.”

Wonwoo snorted.

“Good, no one will cross us because they’ll think we know somebody.” the younger smiled, making finger guns with both his hands. He shook them like he was serious. “Guns are out kid. They’re on the hip, they waitin, they danglin.”

Jeonghan’s jaw must have fallen on the gas pedal because the car jerked forward.

He looked at the blacked-haired boy like he was their secret weapon.

“Glad we made a team because they’re screwed.”

II

The bowling alley was a wide-faced building that ascended upwards in the middle like a staircase. It looked more like a remodeled supermarket than something hip and exciting. Yet as they walked through the lobby which was encased in glass from all sides they could see the alleys in front of them, an arcade to their left, and an area filled with pool tables to their right, all in separate chambers. 

Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as he thought. Unless Wonwoo considered the possibility that Jeonghan took him just to see him fail at playing pool and video games as well. 

He attempted to pull Jeonghan towards the vendor who rented out bowling shoes but the blonde resisted, pulling him towards their friend group which had already set up camp at two of the lanes. 

“Kwannie.” Jeonghan sang in a soft and hushed voice, stepping down a couple of stairs which connected the carpeted upper walkway to the polished hardwood floors.

The boy with honey-colored hair had been leaning against his boyfriend in the booth in which they sat. He was pulled out of his trance by the angelic voice of his friend. 

Wonwoo watched Seungkwan hug Jeonghan, swinging them back and forth before the shorter boy’s eyes fell upon him and lost their radiance. 

“Hey Wonu, you up for bowling today?” he asked. Wonwoo could tell he was being extra cautious. It was like they all knew what was going on that made Wonwoo sad but they were too cowardly to talk about it. Well, he knew Seungkwan had good intentions. 

Wonwoo forced a smile, trying to bring the mood up since he noticed everyone was watching him. Was he the source of their discomfort? 

“Yeah I’ve never gone bowling before.” he laughed lightly.

“You and Jun never did?” Jeonghan furrowed his brows.

“Well, we probably would have if I wasn’t an agoraphobe. I’m more of a coffee person so I’d usually drag him to the coffee shop to hang out. I know, boring right? But thanks for inviting me. It’s my first official hangout with the group.”

Jeonghan released a chuckle. 

“That explains why you write so much from what I’ve heard.”

Seungkwan looked as though he was trying his best not to let his smile falter.

“Wonwoo-” he stopped, nervously chuckling. “Stop it you’re not boring. And this is the first hangout for all of us. Might as well start off with a bang.”

Seunkwang came closer.

“And don’t worry-” he whispered, bringing his head up for a moment to scan the room. “I didn’t invite Mingyu.”

Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t find any words. It was odd because he always had something to say.

“I-” he stopped to gather himself. His expression was pained. “Seungkwan you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to be mean to Mingyu and let my drama bleed into your business. It’s petty, I don’t want you to bother-”

“Don’t worry Won. I guess I have a stake in it too.” Seungkwan sighed and his eyes widened sarcastically as he rested a hand on his hip. “Mingyu was kind of a jerk to Vernon yesterday. And to me, so.”

“More than a jerk.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “I gave him advice two days ago as a friend but he didn’t seem to take it. I don’t even want to call him my friend, he’s just so- ugh.”

Wonwoo crossed his arms.

“Okay well let’s not waste our time conspiring against him. We’re here to bowl aren’t we?”

Seungkwan tried not to laugh.

“How do you do it Wonwoo? You aren’t at all a bit pissed? You don’t feel like you want to slash Mingyu’s tires or something?” 

Wonwoo chuckled.

“Believe me, I want to but it’s a thing called self-control. Besides, he’s like what- a head taller than me? He could snap my neck if he wanted to.” 

“You’re right, I could.” 

He flinched, spinning around to confront whoever had the guts to scare him like that. Just by the voice he knew who it was but the voice itself caught him off guard.

Jeonghan and Seungkwan jumped and clutched their hearts, turning to see Jaehyun attempt to bring Wonwoo closer to him by his waist but the black-haired boy fought him.

“Jaehyun what the heck are you doing here?” the younger asked.

Jeonghan’s face paled.   
“I got S.Coups to invite him. They’re friends so I thought it would be nice.”

It was a lie but Jeonghan hoped it was harmless. It was about time Wonwoo and Jaehyun made progress as a couple. If Wonwoo even called it that. He just hated Mingyu so much all of a sudden for doing what he did to Wonwoo and for fighting with his boyfriend. Okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly a fight but he was still mad. Who knew that someone like him could be so demonic? 

“Yeah, your boyfriend’s a cool dude.” Jaehyun grinned, moving Wonwoo slightly to the side so he could talk to the blonde.

Could his face get any paler?

“Just go get your shoes. I’m a nine?” Jeonghan rolled his eyes. 

“So that’s why you wanted me to wait, so you could get me and Jaehyun alone together?” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

Jaehyun smirked.

“It isn’t the first time. I didn’t hear you complaining when you were on my-”

Wonwoo turned to face him, not caring if Jaehyun’s hands grabbed his waist. The black-haired boy reached forward with a hand and covered Jaehyun’s mouth. 

“Don’t you dare.” Wonwoo gritted, although he wasn’t that serious. 

He remembered Jeonghan and Seungkwan were still standing behind them with mortified looks. He had to fill the gap in Jaehyun’s sentence somehow. They would think Jaehyun meant something worse if he didn’t tell them.

“Lap.” Wonwoo said sheepishly.

“Wha-” his two friends breathed out.

Did he really have to spell it out for them?

“On Jaehyun’s lap.” 

“Oh.” Seungkwan said, pursing his lips as Jeonghan tucked a tuft of hair behind his ear and laughed awkwardly.

Wonwoo glared at Jaehyun and attempted to free himself as he stepped to the side.

“C’mon Jae. You’re buying.” 

He let the football player keep an arm around him as they walked towards the shoe rentals. Things didn’t look like they were going to be boring after all. Jaehyun just had to change his game.

III

“I never knew you had giant feet? Look.” Wonwoo said, putting his foot out on the carpet as they left the shoe rental stand. 

Jaehyun chuckled, playing along with him. 

He knew the football player took pride in everything he did. When the guy said he was an eleven Wonwoo knew it was a flex. Wonwoo was a nine but he still thought the size difference was worth mentioning.

Crazy.

“I didn’t know you had a size kink.” Jaehyun smirked.

In response, Wonwoo dug his fingers into the other’s hand, not hard enough to really hurt but hard enough to make Jaehyun wince. 

“Ahh.” the football player groaned, retracting his hand. “What did I do?”

He rolled his eyes.

“You’re so dirty-minded, I don’t like it.” 

“I thought it would turn you on babe.” Jaehyun grinned, stepping closer to reassert his dominance but Wonwoo pushed him away.

“You’re pathetic.”

“What does that make you?” 

“Not your boyfriend.” Wonwoo snorted. “Thanks for the shoes though.” 

Jaehyun snickered.

“Anything for you babe.” the older boy said, circling his arms around Wonwoo and bringing their foreheads together. 

“Jae, stop. I’ll hug you later.” Wonwoo hissed.

“Really?”

“If you win.”

“We’re playing teams? I thought it was a free-for-all?”

“No.” Wonwoo laughed. “Oh we are so going to mop the floor with you.”

III

“So Seungkwan, Jeonghan and I are on the same team. And Jaehyun’s with S.Coups and Vernon?” he asked.

“Yep.” Seungkwan nodded.

“What about Jun and Minghao?” 

“Jun declined. He’s still- you know.” Jeonghan shrugged, letting Wonwoo put the puzzle pieces together.

“It was that bad?” 

Jeonghan scrunched his lips and shook his head adamantly.

“No. He just- you know how he can be sensitive?”

“Yeah.” Wonwoo replied. “And Minghao wanted to stay with him?”

“That’s what it looks like.” 

Wonwoo knew how disappointed Jun was. It was like Jun was his stern older brother who was bent on making him enter into an arranged marriage with Mingyu. 

“Well it’s his loss. If he wants to throw a fit over it then that’s fine. He can protest all he wants.”

“Oh my god.” Seungkwan interrupted, holding his cheeks.

“What?” both he and Jeonghan asked, heads jerking towards him.

Seungkwan looked like he was about to cry in terror. He pointed his finger towards the entrance, shaking it sporadically. “L-l-look.”

Wonwoo seethed.

“It better not be who I think it is.”

“What are you guys looking at.” Jaehyun asked, narrowing his eyes. From the cushioned bench across from them the brown-haired boy turned around, spotting his arch rival. 

“Why the fuck is Mingyu here?” he gritted, turning back towards Jeonghan. 

“Trust me, I didn’t invite him.”

“Guys he’s with his friends. Could be just a coincidence.”

“Well at least the universe wants you to be together.” S.Coups muttered. 

Jeonghan suddenly remembered.

“S.Coups, whatever you do, don’t make eye contact. If you do you’re dead, either Mingyu is gonna kill you or me.” 

“Wait what’s with S.Coups?” Wonwoo furrowed his brow. His eyes darted between Jeonghan and S.Coups, but he couldn’t help but return to watching Mingyu and his friends walk through the lobby and enter the bowling alley. 

Jeonghan’s soft voice brought him back to reality.

“He and Mingyu had an ‘altercation’.”

“Over me?” 

“I sent him as my emissary but then things got physical.”

“It was nothing, it’s stupid.” S.Coups held his forehead. “It wasn’t even a fight, we just exchanged some blows, no harm done.”

Wonwoo grimaced.

“Alright, what’s going on between me and you know who, it’s not good. And everyone needs to stay out of it.”

“Wonwoo, we just want to help.” Jeonghan said.

He shook his head.

“The wood was already dry with me and Jun. And now Vernon’s involved. The next thing we know we got a little fire started. Now that Mingyu and Jaehyun are in the same room together we could have a forest fire, and none of this is my fault.”

Jaehyun leaned back and rested his arm on the back rest of the bench.

“I’m not making any promises that I’ll stay out of-”

“I don’t need you to make any promises.” Wonwoo whispered with a threatening tone. It was so light yet so dark. He went on with a menacing glare.

“If anyone wants to declare war on behalf of me, trust and believe that it will be World War Three. And none of you are gonna survive. Got it?” 

Jeonghan gulped.

“We should have named our team Boss Bitches.”

IV

Even though they originally planned on making two teams and sharing two lanes, it turned out that they were basically competing against Mingyu’s group too. In other words, it was Jaehyun and Mingyu glaring at each other and trying to get the most strikes.

It wasn’t like Mingyu’s group was right next to them. Rather, they had established themselves a few lanes down from them. All in all, it didn’t stop Vernon and S.Coups for expressing their distaste for him. Although that didn’t mean Vernon was completely on the same page as the rest of them. S.Coups may have buddied up with Jaehyun but Vernon still had his reservations about the brown-haired boy. It wasn’t like he was a Switzerland or fence-sitter. He just hated them both. 

The soft and gentle look Seungkwan gave him may have cooled him down though. The boy with honey-colored hair and a round face captured his attention more than the obnoxious laughter and banter coming from Mingyu’s group. It was funny to watch Seungkwan score a strike and jump up and down, and then turn around and give him an apologetic look. Even if they were on opposing teams plus the fact that Seungkwan loved to win, Vernon knew that Seungkwan could be his little mole and double-crosser. But then he remembered that they weren’t so much against each other as they were against Mingyu. Maybe if they were all bold enough, they could challenge Mingyu and his gang to pool. Not only would it allow him to get out his anger towards Mingyu, but impressing Seungkwan was a bonus. 

Speaking of his beloved...

“Why are you smirking? I just knocked down all the pins. Let’s see you try.” his boyfriend arched his eyebrows.

Vernon noticed that Jeonghan and Wonwoo fell over each other giggling.

“That wasn’t what he was smirking about Kwannie. You should have worn looser pants.” Wonwoo snorted. 

“Wait, no!” Jeonghan cackled, trying to suck in more oxygen. “It’s good because Vernon will be distracted.” 

“Cut it out guys, you’re like little kids.” he huffed.

S.Coups patted his shoulder.

“It’s alright bud, we all have our moments.” 

“And our weaknesses.” Wonwoo continued relentlessly.

“You guys are ruthless.” Seungkwan pouted.

V

“Anyone else get hard when Wonwoo laughs?” 

“Dude, shut up.” Mingyu groaned, shoving Kai out of the way as he swung the ball in his hand. He tried his best to keep his eyes on the ball as it rolled in a straight line but he couldn’t help but turn his head towards what Kai was referring to. How could Wonwoo have such a healthy laugh but make himself look so small. It was like a kitten roaring like a jaguar. It didn’t help that Wonwoo had to wear a leopard print sweater.

“Go for it Kai, I don’t see any reason for Mingyu to stop you.” Baekho laughed, crossing his arms behind his head.

“You just have to get past Jaehyun first.” Seokmin added. Chan swatted him, reprimanding him for encouraging their behavior.

“Don’t ever mention that name again, I swear.” Mingyu warned. It was bad enough Wonwoo was in the same room as him. It was worse that Wonwoo’s entire entourage had to accompany him. He had already felt the glare of Vernon, S.Coups and Jaehyun. The only reason he couldn’t give a f**k about Vernon and S.Coups because they weren’t staring at Wonwoo’s ass when it was his turn. 

Well, he guessed he did care about them and it was unfortunate that they weren’t talking to him anymore. But Jaehyun was a much bigger problem. It made him wonder. If he hadn’t even met Wonwoo they would all still be his friends. They’d probably be going to parties and hooking up with girls or whatever if it hadn’t been for Wonwoo. Without Wonwoo, would he even think that Jaehyun was as bad as he made him out to be?

If it hadn’t been for Wonwoo, he probably wouldn’t have had an inkling of what was right or what was wrong. Why did Wonwoo have to curse him with the knowledge of good and evil? Why couldn’t he have just continued to have lived his blissful life, getting smashed every weekend after his football games, not having to worry what Wonwoo would think about him if his body count was higher than his age. He couldn’t even imagine what Wonwoo’s face would have been like if he had gotten Tzuyu pregnant. It wasn’t like he wanted to either. He may have wondered what could have happened if he hadn’t met Wonwoo, but it didn’t mean he wished that was the case. That was what true love did he guessed. It made everything except living with and loving Wonwoo unimaginable. 

Wonwoo was so close yet so fortified by an army of passionate do-gooder friends. Fuck them all, he thought. He couldn’t care less about anything else besides Wonwoo. Fuck, he didn’t even care if he looked stupid if Jaehyun got more strikes than him. He just wanted to sweep Wonwoo off his feet and run away with him. Maybe he’d rub it all in their faces, that Wonwoo was his. But all that would matter was the fact that they were together. Except, now as he watched Jaehyun come up behind Wonwoo and kiss his neck, he realized that Wonwoo would never be his. It was clear that Wonwoo had given up. Mingyu now understood that the black-haired boy had stopped searching for his hero. Wonwoo had accepted what life had given him. It was obvious if he agreed to date Jaehyun. If Wonwoo kissed Jaehyun back it meant that the former had thrown everything out the window; all his values, his principles, his dreams… his integrity. 

But had he? Had Wonwoo kissed Jaehyun back? Were those lips still pure and holy? The thought caused Mingyu to chuckle to himself. The football player looked at Jaehyun and smirked, and then rolled the ball forward, knocking down all of the pins with more power than accuracy. 

He couldn’t help but think that Wonwoo was still waiting for him. Even though time was limited and the door was closing, Mingyu hoped he still had enough of it left. Time was only valuable, not because Wonwoo’s hope was waning, but because Wonwoo could only save himself for him for so long, until someone could take away his purity and innocence.

VI

Kingpin was in the lead only because the Triple Threats had missed out on getting all their pins knocked down. It had been like that for a few rounds, like a basic war of attrition going back and forth.

It took Wonwoo to realize that S.Coups’ team name made them sound like mafias. 

Mingyu’s gang of friends were still loud as ever with Mingyu meeting their glares with a smirk of his own. Things hadn’t gotten as serious however until Mingyu decided that he’d point at Jaehyun as he walked towards his lane, challenging him out in the open. 

“That’s it, I’m gonna-“ Jaehyun stood up and grunted before S.coups stopped him with an arm. 

“Do that and he gets what he wants.” 

“Fucking look at him! He needs someone to wipe that smirk off his face!”

Wonwoo giggled. “I’m pretty sure I said the same thing about you.”

Jaehyun looked at him and clenched his teeth.

“You don’t get it Won. All of this is about you but you’re not even taking it seriously.”

Wonwoo made something that was close to a duck face, pushing his cheeks in with a finger.

“Why should I?” He replied with a playful tone, avoiding eye contact.

Jaehyun looked at him with a resentful glare.

“You’re right. Why should you? If Mingyu was sitting where I was sitting, and if I was the one challenging him, I bet you’d be up in arms. I know you’d take it seriously then, because only then you’d be afraid of me beating him, of me finally winning you. Only then could I earn you. But you want Mingyu to do that, that’s why you keep me by your side. Right? You want Mingyu to own you, don’t you?”

Wonwoo noticed that everyone was looking at him like Jaehyun was right, like they knew there was some psychological complex that he was afflicted with. Jaehyun had been the accuser and the mob was now surrounding him. What was most peculiar was how no one pounced on Jaehyun for saying any of those things. They had condemned him even before Jaehyun had opened his mouth. He could play it safe and walk over to the football player and sit on his lap. He could tell Jaehyun that he was sorry and that he would never leave him for Mingyu. 

Or he could choose not to give in. And perhaps sticking one’s head up in defiance would get him whacked and beaten into submission, but the price of standing up was less than not standing up. The currency in any moral situation was one’s principles.

He laughed.

“Oh don’t you dare go there with me. I will not be emotionally manipulated by your victim mentality. What do you want? A medal? A badge? What? You think you’re going to get me to grant you my love and respect simply because you exist? Leave Mingyu out of the equation, this is between you and me-”

“Finally.” Jaehyun gritted. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that-”

“Still talking!” Wonwoo held up a hand. “You aren’t going to force any kind of guilt on me that I haven’t accepted on my own terms. I don’t respect your character not because I think Mingyu is so above you, that’s not it. Even if there was no other man in the world besides you I’d still maintain a standard. So don’t play the ‘oh you’re not taking this seriously’ game with me because if you really took it seriously you wouldn’t be worrying about some guy taking me away from you because he knocked more pins down. How about you work on yourself, and I’ll work on mine.”

“Wonwoo you’re up.” Seungkwan laughed nervously, causing his shoulders to go up and down like he was not in control of himself.

Wonwoo looked at him and whispered an ‘okay’ as he got up, glaring at Jaehyun.

The brown-haired boy had been playing with his fingers and looked up at him with a playful smirk, as if everything he said went in one ear and out the other.

“So does that mean you’re mine? Mingyu can’t take something away from me if it was never mine.”

He put his hands on his hips.

“Yeah I know what logic is Jae, but do you get the main idea of what I just said?” 

Jaehyun let out a huff.

“Maybe if you said less I would have gotten it. You’re just too distracting if you know what I mean.”

“Everyone on team Kingpin is I guess.” Jeonghan interjected, crossing his legs with a satisfied smile after catching S.Coups staring at him from the opposite bench.

Wonwoo gave the both of them disappointed scowls but it went unnoticed. He stomped towards the front of the set up, aligning his feet with the center of the lane and rolled the ball forward. While everyone else’s eyes were eagerly following the bowling ball, Jaehyun’s had made a pit stop on Wonwoo’s hourglass figure. 

The older boy was taken out of his trance by Seungkwan’s voice ringing in all their ears.

“Kingpin wins!” he said, jumping up in the air as Jeonghan embraced him.

Meanwhile Vernon was the only one who stood up on their team, pulling Wonwoo into a light hug with the blonde patting the latter’s back. Wonwoo moved onto S.Coups who groaned and shook his hand. And lastly, Wonwoo delivered himself to him, or more like, stood there ready to be taken by him. And Jaehyun took what was offered.

Wonwoo didn’t know what hit him when he approached the older boy. All that his mind could register was the dizzying motion of his fall. He had simply stuck his hand out for Jaehyun to shake but it turned out that the football player had another idea. 

As shocked as he was, Wonwoo could do nothing to escape Jaehyun’s clutches. The football player had taken his hand and pulled him down into his lap, circling an arm around his waist as the other binded his legs together. He tried to squirm but the older boy was just too strong. And to add insult to injury, if he struggled Jaehyun would tickle and poke him in the side. So when Mingyu’s eyes found him he was smiling and having a great time. At least, that was what it looked like.

Mingyu suppressed the urge to walk over to where the couple was sitting and yank Wonwoo off Jaehyun’s lap. But he had a reputation to uphold didn’t he? The image of a saint in the eyes of Wonwoo as well as one of a cool and composed stud. Which one would he choose? 

By now, Wonwoo ignored Jaehyun for a conversation with S.Coups as Jeonghan and the others went off to get food most likely. Even if the black-haired boy wasn’t gazing into Jaehyun’s eyes like he was a one-thousand dollar bill he had picked up off the street, Mingyu still didn’t like it. Until Jaehyun’s dick was a mile away from Wonwoo’s ass Mingyu wasn’t going away anytime soon. 

They might as well have been talking about him, especially with how Wonwoo so intimately lent his teammate an ear. Well, intimately was just an exaggeration, but he could care less. Anyone that came in a radius where their breathing could be felt on Wonwoo’s skin made Mingyu want to growl like a territorial dog. He was the big dog after all. At least that was what he told himself.

VI

From his position where he sat perpendicular on Jaehyun’s lap, Wonwoo leaned forward as if he was doing crunches, turning his head sideways so he could hear S.Coups. He tried not to move around much in an effort to avoid giving Jaehyun the wrong idea, but nothing seemed to stop the brown-haired boy from smirking down at him as he kept him steady. S.coups had gestured for him to lean forward in the first place, like he didn’t want anyone else listening in on them. But where they were all concerned, the slightest spark could create a bonfire. Wonwoo knew they were all just ready to go on the offensive.

“What is it?” he asked as S.Coups crossed his arms.

The black-haired football player gave him a shrug.

“If you want we can leave.”

Wonwoo let out a scoff.

“Over what? A guy who’s ego is so big he’d go to a bar and pick himself up? C’mon, you’re not going to let him win like that are you?” Wonwoo playfully frowned, leaning back as he studied the other’s expression.

Jaehyun chuckled.

“I’m pretty sure you just described me.” he said, lowering his chin to rest it on Wonwoo’s shoulder. 

He tried not to laugh and kept his focus on S.Coups who was biting his lip.

“Okay alright, maybe you weren’t one-hundred percent the reason why I asked. But I guess what you said applies to my situation too.”

“What situation?”

“The condition that I’m in; my searing hot anger that I have for Mingyu. Just one look at him makes me want to punch his lights out. I should have done it the other day but- what kind of person would that make me?”

He craned his neck, glancing at Mingyu while he pushed one of his buddies around and then turned back to S.Coups.

“Well, it all depends. I’m a very principled person as you know-” he stopped, flashing Jaehyun a grin. “Actually, I used to be, but anyways, enough about me. What did Mingyu say that made you want to punch him? You need to consider everything and not just what you feel. It’s a matter of reason versus emotion and you never want to give in to your emotions.”

“Funny because I remember that time you slapped me. What do you call that?” Jaehyun interjected.

Wonwoo looked up at him confidently while Jaehyun looked down at his lips as they parted.

“It’s called righteous indignation.” he replied. “And there’s always a reason for why you feel a certain way. I’ve always been able to explain my own emotions, so tell me.” Wonwoo continued, flicking his wrist for S.Coups to proceed.

“I uh- I threw a football at Mingyu and uh- yeah it was my fault. We pushed each other and that was it. He also accused Jeonghan of letting his personal opinions get in his way and how he’s more man enough because he got laid and I didn’t. I mean- I shouldn’t even be bothering with this guy anymore but I just can’t stand him now. Jaehyun how the fuck do you do it? I should have known by now. Man, you stayed composed all those times.”

He was going to explain that it was really Mingyu who stayed composed under Jaehyun’s persistent campaign against him but the older boy cut him off.

“I don’t want to say that it’s easy but Wonwoo keeps things from deteriorating. I owe it all to him. You got Jeonghan, Vernon’s got Seungkwan... we have our own anchors. I’m just happy I found mine.” Jaehyun grinned, going in for Wonwoo’s neck but the younger swatted him away.

“Oh this again?” Wonwoo giggled. “You’d do anything just for me to say yes to you. What is it that you really want? A kiss or a pat on the head?”

S.Coups smiled, resting his chin on his knuckle and looked over to where Jeonghan was standing at one of the countertops to get their food. Luck was too feeble and impersonal to have brought them together. An epic tale of love could not be described in terms of luck and mere chance. To think so would have been an insult to its grandness. Men had wills; they were powerful agents of their own making and of their own path in life. It would be wrong to devalue their hard work and all the effort that went into a person’s character and relationship to have their coming together as a matter of the stars aligning. For there could be nothing more grand than two souls searching for each other, whether they knew it or not. It didn’t mean he subscribed to fate either, it just meant… that things had an order to them. An order whose intricateness and depth made it beautiful, just like Jeonghan’s eyes. 

“I’m not a dog babe. And you know what I want you to say ‘yes’ to. We’ve already passed the other stages.” S.Coups heard his teammate say, bringing him back to reality.

Wonwoo noticed that his friend had been in a daze and wanting to change the subject, he nudged S.Coups shoulder by lifting his foot.

“Hey, anything happen at the game yesterday?” he asked. 

A pout formed on Jaehyun’s face, the first time anyone had ever seen him act childish. Well, in a way that wasn’t detrimental to society.

“What the heck, you never asked me about yesterday.”

“Feel free to answer then.” Wonwoo laughed, making himself small as Jaehyun poked him in the side. 

“S.Coups can go first. I got nothing anyways.”

“Alright, let’s see. We won.” S.Coups said, leaning back into the bench cushion as he stared up at the ceiling. He counted yesterday's events with his fingers as if more than one thing happened.

“Pshhh, obviously.” Jaehyun smirked.

“And uh- Mingyu’s on a roll to get the captain’s position next year. Coach even smiled when he got off the field.”

“You’re going to let him?” Wonwoo asked, leaning forward again.

“Hell no, I’m going to work harder, play harder, whatever I have to do.” S.Coups replied, looking at Jeonghan this time.

“Good, because I don’t ever want to see a junior get dethroned by a freshman.”

Wonwoo felt Jaehyun’s hands turn his shoulders towards him.

“You know it doesn’t have to be S.Coups that gets the Captain position babe. I’ve never felt so neglected.” 

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo grimaced, leaning into Jaehyun’s chest and resting a hand on it as he gave the brown-haired boy a pathetic excuse that he called a hug. It only lasted a second before Wonwoo got up as if he didn’t just show Jaehyun affection.

“I didn’t know you were that good of a football player.”

Bingo, there was the real Wonwoo.

S.Coups choked on a breath.

“Yikes. Might want to up your game Jae.”

The other football player shook his head.

“Wonwoo’s just too busy watching Mingyu. It’s not like he’s actually seen me play.” 

“Next time, I promise.” he looked at the older boy sincerely, taking Jaehyun’s hand and shaking it as if he were making a deal. It was supposed to be a friendly gesture but the brown-haired boy had to make it into a lovey-dovey moment. Then again, it was hard for Wonwoo to make anything friendly when he was sitting on another guy’s lap.

Jaehyun took his hand and recaptured it, folding his fingers over it, locking on. 

“Maybe next time we’ll meet under the bleachers. Sound like a plan?” the older boy grinned smugly.

Wonwoo’s expression contorted into disgust.

“You’re- you sure know how to make me think you’re a serial killer. And I don’t want an episode of CSI New York being based off of my murder. Thank you.”

“There’s nothing creepy about it babe. I’m just claiming my territory. When Mingyu and that chick he was hanging out with- S.Coups you know the one.” he paused as S.Coups nodded grimly.

“Yeah, when he and that chick walk under the bleachers they’ll find that we took their spot. Awesome right?” 

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes.

“What chick?”

“Just some girl that was with Jeonghan Friday. She has a thing for Mingyu.”

Wonwoo swallowed.

“They’re not even dating or anything. It’s nothing, really.” S.Coups added.

Jaehyun huffed.

“Either way, the feeling looked pretty mutual from what I saw. Might as well get over him now, right Wonwoo?” he said, lifting Wonwoo’s chin.

Wonwoo didn’t even realize he had lowered it. The older boy’s words had stirred up all the negative emotions that had been sitting at the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t like he was stupid. He knew Jaehyun was an emotional manipulator, or at least, belonged to the same class of people as his mother. So it wasn’t like he had no idea where Jaehyun was going with telling him about Mingyu’s new interest. But that was just it, what Jaehyun could lead him to believe was entirely independent of the facts. And if the fact was that Mingyu and another girl were getting acquainted - or more than that, God forbid - then it was up to him to see it for himself. At least, he wouldn’t have to investigate. Knowing Mingyu, the guy would probably show off his new conquest. But he couldn’t be so sure as of now.

“Don’t worry about it Wonwoo, Mingyu won’t be bothering you anytime soon.” S.Coups assured him as Jaehyun brought his head under his chin.

Why? He thought. Because Mingyu was too afraid of Jaehyun or because the girl he had found was too hot to take his eyes off?

Unless Mingyu was afraid of him.

Wonwoo wanted to pinch himself. Almost every thought had to end in flattery. Like Mingyu really wanted him? Yeah right.

“If Mingyu even smirks I swear I’ll kill him.” Jaehyun clenched his fist. Wonwoo could feel his hard knuckle against his back, making him jolt in fear.

“Don’t be silly. Why would he be concerned with us anyways? I’m out of his life I guess. He only wanted me for the project we had to do together.”

“That’s all the more reason to forget about him and let me take care of it.” Jaehyun groaned, closing his eyes in frustration. Though the smell of Wonwoo’s shampooed hair tried to sedate him.

“I think we have different definitions of ‘take care’. And I for one told you not to get involved.” Wonwoo warned.

“How can I not when he’s making a fool out of you?” Jaehyun pressed, shaking him slightly as if yelling at him to wake up. It’s what they all wanted to say to him, he knew it. But his stubbornness wasn’t blind. He trusted his own judgement over anyone else's, any day. It didn’t mean if the rest of the world was against him, or his closest friends. Looking over to where Mingyu was bowling he knew that the taller boy was something in his life, not to be discarded as an accident. Otherwise, Mingyu wouldn’t have come right? It couldn’t have been just a coincidence.

Wonwoo’s eyes darted back to Jaehyun’s which had a raptorial glint to them, like they were admiring what they owned. His own reflection in Jaehyun’s eyes looked ripe for the taking. How much longer did he have before Jaehyun could secure him for himself? Those eyes looked more greedy than they were righteous, looking upon him as if he were gold itself and not the immaterial value behind it. 

Wonwoo knew that Jaehyun understood the circumstances and that the clock was ticking. The football player may as well have bit his lip at him and Wonwoo would have understood. But he’d never blush. Being flustered meant he was ready and fair game for Jaehyun, and he wasn’t. He’d never be.

One would be totally mistaken if they thought Wonwoo’s love for Mingyu had waned during his time with Jaehyun. In fact, it had only gotten stronger. At least, Jaehyun was that in tune with Wonwoo to know it, but Wonwoo wasn’t in tune enough to feel his pain, no matter how hard he tried to have a positive presence in the older boy’s life. Wonwoo knew it wasn’t working. He couldn’t ever fix Jaehyun if things stayed like this. 

Either he could push Jaehyun away from him and live a lonely life or he could get Mingyu out of his head and try again. It was so experimental-sounding it made him cringe. How could his life come to this? Did he not know what was best for his own sake anymore? He had never been in control and he never wanted to be. But he hated it, he hated having to let Jaehyun do whatever he wanted to him. But if the world came to know that he really loved someone, Wonwoo understood that it’d be taken away. Just like his music box, just like his childhood. 

But he’d never give Jaehyun that kind of satisfaction. He’d never fight him or put up a challenge. Struggling to come to terms with something ensured that the struggler would always come out stronger than ever. But he wouldn’t resist. Jaehyun wouldn’t gain anything then. There’d be no ego boost, no self-development. Perhaps that was Jaehyun’s tragedy.

Now that he thought about it, he guessed he was ready. 

“We’re back.” Jeonghan said melodiously, sliding boxes of food onto the table in the center. The blonde made sure to counterbalance all the fried food with something green. Wonwoo always felt greasy when he ate french fries. 

He had swung his leg over Jaehyun’s knee and was about to get up when the football player hooked an arm around both of them, coupling them as his other other tightened around his waist. 

Suddenly, the floor had gotten farther away and he realized that Jaehyun had picked him up. 

“Oh my god.” Wonwoo grimaced, not liking how helpless he felt. He had somewhat a fear of heights but he also hated the feeling of not being in control and the possibility of Jaehyun dropping him. Even if the feeling of being in Jaehyun’s arms wasn’t quite right, he ignored his racing mind and caved to his instincts. 

Wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, he buried his face under the older boy’s chin as if he was afraid of being let go.

“Jae, put me down right now!” he gritted. “Lightly please.” he laughed pathetically.

Jaehyun carried him bridal style, spinning them around so that they were facing the group of boys a few lanes down from them. The older boy wore a smug expression as he placed his trophy onto the cushioned bench, as if it had been his plan all along. Not to mention, he didn’t forget to send Mingyu a message. Wonwoo couldn’t have played his part more perfectly. He wasn’t just adorable and vulnerable-looking, but he also made it look as though he felt safe in the football player’s arms, like Jaehyun was the only guy who could make him feel that way. That’s what he wanted Wonwoo to feel after all. 

The brown-haired boy got the reaction he wanted, much to Wonwoo’s dismay. He knew what the boy was up to, but he couldn’t help but notice how much enjoyment Jaehyun took out of it. Mingyu didn’t even have to be there for that to be so. 

As he was set back down, Wonwoo could see how far Jaehyun had fallen for him. It almost made him feel guilty. Like it was all his doing.

“Why are you so light?” Jaehyun chuckled. “Is your heart that empty?”

Wonwoo’s expression changed from shaken to gloomy.

“You’re so funny. Was that your last brain cell you just used to come up with that joke?”

“Wow.” S.Coups said, standing the table in front of them. Everyone was already digging in, enjoying the food and the entertainment. Mingyu looking furious from across the room was only a bonus.

“Kiss!” Jeonghan added, mouth full of food.

The blonde’s soft tone contained a hint of malice and eagerness, like it was meant for Mingyu to hear. 

Jaehyun seemed pleased to follow through with Jeonghan’s command and leaned down to capture Wonwoo’s lips but the black-haired boy pushed his cheek away. 

He got up, slipping around Jaehyun and ran up to the table as if someone had called his name.

Meanwhile, Mingyu and Jaehyun made eye contact with both of their intense stares being powerful enough to bore holes in platinum. 

“Jae, are you going to eat?” Wonwoo called him, seemingly cooled down. 

“Yeah.” the older boy sighed, reaching for his wallet to pay Jeonghan.

The blonde put his hand out and shook his head fervently.

“No no no it’s on me. You’re our guest, duh.”

“At least you reached for your wallet.” Wonwoo giggled. Whenever someone else paid for him he always pretended as if he was about to. He really was relieved whenever he didn’t have to if he was going to be honest. 

For once Jaehyun didn’t touch him, busying himself with both arms as he lowered a whole slice of pizza into his mouth. Wonwoo took it as an opportunity to withdraw from the group and sit back down on the bench, returning to that old habit of his. 

He was glad none of them noticed, deciding to leave him alone as he ate in solitude. He couldn’t say he was overly proud that Jaehyun was getting along with everyone because the day may come where his friends choose Jaehyun over him. The idea was somewhat silly but it still made him uneasy. He wondered just how difficult it would be to persuade Jungkook to shift allegiances. Jungkook shared the same sentiments as Jun, but Wonwoo thought he would be much more supportive of him. Maybe that was all he needed, Wonwoo thought. So long as one person supported him all the way he would be sated for life.

VII

Jaehyun had asked him what he was doing sitting alone away from everyone else but Wonwoo simply told him that he just was thinking about something. At least the older boy had the courtesy to not ask more questions. It was kind of comforting to see that Jaehyun was learning his boundaries. He couldn’t say the same physically. 

It was only when they were walking towards the lobby where Wonwoo got anxious. Even if he carried himself firmly, he felt as though he was going to implode under the intense gaze of Mingyu who had been lounging around watching him as if it was his favorite pastime. 

He wasn’t going to test Mingyu for a reaction anymore, and decided to walk to Jaehyun’s other side, avoiding being seen. Jaehyun shot his teammate/rival a look but slowed his steps when Mingyu got up abruptly from the bench he was at, cooly walking over to them. 

Jaehyun stuck out an arm behind him, pushing Wonwoo back as he stepped forward to confront the taller. Mingyu only arched an eyebrow. 

“Never thought I’d be on the other side of things. Kinda weird, right Wonu?” Mingyu smirked. 

Wonwoo’s eyes grew darker but Jaehyun’s became as fiery as his hair.

“He doesn’t have anything to say to you. Don’t you get it Kim?” 

“I’m pretty sure Wonwoo can speak for himself. Haven’t you been on the brunt end of his mouth before?. Kid’s really witty if you ask me.”

“I didn’t. Now fuck out of here-”

“Jae, let’s go.” Wonwoo dragged him, shunning the other football player as they got closer to the glass exit doors.

S.Coups and Vernon refused to make eye contact, letting Jeonghan and Seungkwan give Mingyu dirty looks for them. S.Coups and Vernon knew if they did otherwise they wouldn’t be able to hold themselves back. But who were they kidding? Mingyu could probably take at least two of them out before they managed to beat him. Despite being pissed none of them thought it was worth getting a black eye or bruised ribs just to teach Mingyu a lesson. 

“There’s the wise Wonwoo I know.” Mingyu chuckled. “Say, why don’t you guys stay a little longer? You know how to play pool?”

“No-” Wonwoo was in the middle of replying when Jaehyun answered for him.

“Fuck yeah. You’re on Kim.”

“Okay, no one’s on unless you mean my hit list. C’mon Jae, we’re going.” Wonwoo scoffed, but Jaehyun wouldn’t budge. As if he knew how to tango, Jaehyun pulled him back by the arm like he was attached to a coil and he collided with the older boy’s chest. The footballer’s arms wrapped around his back as the other slipped into his pants pocket. 

Jaehyun grinned as Wonwoo suddenly stopped squirming. Perhaps it was because his lips were so close to Wonwoo’s when he had turned to look at him, or maybe it was because Mingyu looked so visibly tense as he watched them. He didn’t care, so long as it looked as though Wonwoo took orders from him and him alone. If Mingyu was as infatuated with Wonwoo as he seemed, then perhaps Jaehyun could use his illusory eyes against him.

“Wonu, relax.” Mingyu snickered. “Don’t you want to cheer on your boyfriend?”

“He doesn’t need cheering on.” Wonwoo scoffed, crossing his arms as he faced the exit doors. He was waiting for Jaehyun to make a decision and drag him towards the pool table area. Instead, curiosity took the both of them over as Mingyu brushed past them to get to the billiard room. Mingyu’s large hands gripped the door handle and he turned his head to smirk at all of them, signaling for them to come inside if they dared. 

Just as he thought Mingyu was being a gentleman, the taller boy’s eyes followed him as he entered, looking down at him with obvious condescension but secret admiration. The rest of the group made it known that they weren’t going to acknowledge Mingyu’s presence, but the football player didn’t care. He continued to watch from the entryway Wonwoo getting settled in one of the chairs at the corner of the room as Jaehyun chose one of the pool tables to play on.

Through the glass which comprised the entire wall, Wonwoo spotted Mingyu’s friends approaching the door as well, wearing expressions of intrigue.

He guessed Mingyu hadn’t planned the whole thing, but the presence of Bambam - who he knew didn’t like him - made him somewhat uneasy. It was like Mingyu had called for reinforcements, albeit unintentionally.

The billiard room reminded him of some old bar room with neon signs hanging on the windows and brown blinds stopping the sunlight from coming in. The carpets were gray but glowed yellow from the hanging lamps over every pool table. 

Mingyu and Jaehyun took their positions at each side as the rest of them sat on chairs and leather cushions. Vernon must have been in the competitive mood Wonwoo thought, as he went to get a cue stick. Seconds later, Baekho joined them and they made two teams.

Wonwoo watched as Mingyu’s other friends walked around the long way, coming to sit at the corner on the other side of the wall. He knew Kai and Bambam of course, but not the other boy. He could have sworn they were related but the boy was much too warm and friendly-looking. What was he doing in Mingyu’s gang? 

His eyes fell upon Bambam’s who glared at him, reminding him that the boy was one of Mingyu’s most loyal friends. Blindly loyal to be exact. 

Wonwoo looked away slowly, forcing himself to become interested in the conversation that Jeonghan and Seungkwan were having. S.Coups hadn’t bothered to get involved in the chatter and simply rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

“Hey, you can leave you know, if you want to.” Wonwoo said, echoing what S.Coups had told him earlier. He wasn’t going to make his voice soft and feeble. It wasn’t really a suggestion. It was more like a statement of a fact.

“No, no it’s alright.” S.Coups chuckled, rubbing circles in his forehead. “I wanna see the royal smackdown.” 

Wonwoo fake gasped. 

“How barbaric.” 

Of course S.Coups didn’t take Wonwoo’s reaction to be genuine.

“Oh, so you’re telling me you don’t like guys who are warriors? Who fight for you like they are now?” 

Wonwoo tried not to gulp, glancing at where Mingyu had flipped a coin to determine who would do the opening break shot. From the sound of Jaehyun’s groan Wonwoo guessed Mingyu had won the toss. His head whipped back to face S.Coups.

“They aren’t fighting over me.” he said firmly. “It’s just a game between a bunch of guys.”

“Two guys who like you.” a playful voice said from above him. Wonwoo’s head darted upwards and he greeted the boy who took a seat beside him.

“Kai, what are you doing here?” S.Coups mocked. “Aren’t you not allowed to talk to us anymore? I figured Mingyu would put a ban on us.”

Kai shook his head.

“Nah, he believes in keeping his enemies close.”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened intensely and his face contorted into a scowl, prompting Kai to jump back.

“Just kidding.” he waved his hands frantically. 

S.Coups spat out the air in his lungs.

“Geez, Wonwoo could be hired as a human lie-detector.” 

“Yeah.” Kai laughed nervously, scooting away from the black-haired boy. Wonwoo noticed that the guy was eyeing the area around his abdomen, at least, if one followed his line of sight. And he wasn’t even wearing a crop top. Maybe his pants were too tight-fitting.

Why was Kai really here? Wonwoo thought. It couldn’t have been to clear up the bad air around them. Maybe he had his own motive. 

It was funny because it was the perfect time for Kai to talk to him with Mingyu and Jaehyun distracted. 

“So who do you think will win?” Wonwoo asked, lifting his brows slightly.

Kai smiled shyly, scratching his neck as he thought.

“I think I should be asking you that question. You’re the reason why we’re all here.”

“Because Mingyu wants to get to me by beating Jaehyun at some stupid game? Really?”

“Well, I don’t know about that. But- you are the reason why we’re here.” Kai winked.

The move caused both of them to narrow their eyes, with S.Coups putting a hand on his head and ruffling his hair. It was an innocent action but really, he wanted Kai to know that he wasn’t letting go of Wonwoo anytime soon. Kai eyed the hand but went back to leaning in to talk to him. 

Wonwoo took in what Kai had said and stored it in his memory, telling himself that he’ll think about it later. Now that Mingyu and Jaehyun were getting into the game, he knew he wouldn’t be able to think clearly, not with Kai breathing down his neck either.

“If you really want to know, I think Mingyu will win. Unfortunately.”

“Why?” S.Coups and Kai asked simultaneously.

Wonwoo eyed the both of them, as if they couldn’t see the obvious. He leaned back in his seat and away from their scrutinizing faces, watching as Jaehyun was lining his cue stick up with the table.

“Jae’s form isn’t really that good. Well, compared to Mingyu’s. I don’t think he has that much experience. Is this your group's first time here?” 

“No.” Kai replied, resting his chin between his thumb and index finger. “We’ve been here… a dozen times I think. We’ve always played pool.”

“That makes sense.” 

“Foul!” Mingyu called out from the other side of the room, pointing at where Jaehyun’s cue ball had gone into the hole after hitting an object ball. 

“See.” Wonwoo whispered, crossing his legs and making circles with his foot. It was a nervous habit of his.

“Fuck, Jaehyun’s screwed.” S.Coups muttered.

“He should have listened.” Wonwoo clenched his fist as Mingyu stalked around the pool table, smirking as he placed the cue ball wherever he wanted. 

Vernon and Baekho had been confined to the sidelines as Mingyu took his shot. A loud smack rang out across the room as the cue ball was struck by his stick and clattered against the other balls, knocking two of them into two different holes. What the heck was going on? Jaehyn was going to be murdered by the end of it.

Jaehyun rested his hands on the edge of the table, watching the last movements of the balls as he cursed Mingyu in his head. 

Wonwoo clasped his hands together, squeezing them. He was probably more stressed out than Jaehyun was. 

“We all have our days, it’s okay.” Wonwoo reminded him. The next thing he’d know he would be Jaehyun’s coach. 

The older boy craned his neck and smiled at him, silently telling Wonwoo that he could handle it. But the way Jaehyun looked at him told him that he appreciated him, like they were best friends who had married. The look made butterflies flutter in his stomach, but not because of the football player specifically. It was the moment itself. And it was beautiful. At least Jaehyun knew he was right there supporting him. 

“Awww.” Jeonghan and Seungkwan giggled, breaking from their chit chat to bounce in their seats and kick their feet. 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, directing his focus back to the game. At least Jaehyun and Mingyu weren’t actually fighting, yet. Hopefully, whatever Mingyu had against him would come out during the game and be spent on taking shots and scoring. That was if Mingyu’s victory wasn’t brutal. 

At last Jaehyun matched Mingyu’s score with a lucky shot and his lips broke into a smile. 

“Shit.” Mingyu gritted much to Jaehyun’s esteem. 

“I’m not going anywhere Kim.” the older boy warned, pointing at him as he turned to grin towards Wonwoo.

Jaehyun extended his arms as if gesturing for an applause but really all that mattered was Wonwoo who looked up at him in exaltation. It was the look that Mingyu wished Wonwoo had given him. 

The black-haired boy reached out a hand as Jaehyun got closer to him but the football player simply pulled him up from his seat and into his arms. He was about to hiss and tell the older that he didn’t like PDA but the moment belonged to Jaehyun, and he supposed he did as well. 

Besides, it wasn’t like Jaehyun was kissing him. The guy was merely rubbing his back and had an arm around his wrist as he hugged him. 

Jaehyun released him and clapped to get the room’s attention, telling Mingyu he was ready for the next round. 

“Alright, let’s do this.” Jaehyun smirked. 

VIII

At least Jaehyun wasn’t that sore of a loser. He was still there for the older boy to go back to, whether it be in glory or pity. 

But Jaehyun couldn’t stop the feeling of wanting to challenge Mingyu to a fight in the parking lot from rising in his stomach.

Mingyu high-fived Baekho extra hard just to rub it in his face. Meanwhile, Vernon gave him a nod. Despite not being his biggest fan, the blonde knew that it was a low for him. 

“Alright alright, we get it.” Jaehyun groaned, putting his cue stick back in it’s holder. 

Mingyu eyed him with a smug grin.

“What happened to your spirit Jae? Did you really care about the game or are you just upset that Wonu found out that you were all talk. I mean- it can’t be the first time. Pool isn’t the only thing where your ego is a problem.” Mingyu chuckled.

“Leave him alone.” Wonwoo snapped. “No one likes to lose and have it rubbed in their face, cut him some slack.”

Mingyu smirked, supporting his weight with his arms as he leaned on the pool table.

“I’m surprised you’re still with this kid.” he gestured towards Jaehyun. 

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes. “If you want to talk ‘ego’ let’s talk about yours.”

“Or we could talk about how Jaehyun’s never managed to have a relationship that lasted for more than a month.” 

“You’re always going to dig up someone’s past just to one up them aren’t you?” Wonwoo scoffed.

“The past is relevant Wonwoo, ain't it? Before you judge me you have to judge the person you’re dating.”

“We aren’t-”

“Shut up, you’re together.”

Jaehyun clenched his fist, coming around the side of the table to confront the taller.

“Don’t tell Wonwoo to shut up.” he growled, shoving Mingyu back. 

Right off the bat, Vernon and S.Coups were already holding Jaehyun back, dragging him a couple of feet away from taking a swing on Mingyu. Meanwhile, the taller player made a move to step forward and retaliate but had his arms hooked by Kai and Bambam. 

“I could fucking kill you Jae. You better fucking watch it.” Mingyu gritted, struggling to free his arms. 

“I’ll take you down with me, I couldn’t give a fuck. So long as Wonwoo knows I won’t ever let someone like you make him feel like shit.” 

Mingyu gritted his teeth, releasing an angry breath from his nostrils.

“You can’t make this about Wonwoo when it’s about you Jae. How are you going to make Wonwoo feel special when you’re the biggest fucking player in our whole school?”

Wonwoo had enough. 

“Get my name out of your mouth Mingyu. Stop using me to get to Jaehyun, and stop using Jaehyun to get to me. We’re done with it. I’m not forcing anything onto you but you’re the one trying to start shit!”

Mingyu smirked.

“You’re going to thank me later Won. You’re going to find out that your boyfriend won’t ever change. Doesn’t matter how much you think you can fix him. You’ll find out for yourself.”

“You’re a prick.” Wonwoo muttered, holding Jaehyun’s shoulder in an attempt to make him stop struggling. 

“And so is Jaehyun. What don’t you get Wonu? You can’t hate me unless you hate him too!” 

“I don’t hate you.” Wonwoo said calmly. Mingyu didn’t know whether to be insulted or relieved. Maybe he wasn’t worth Wonwoo’s time or maybe Wonwoo really meant it. No, he couldn’t keep making excuses and reasons to get back to being friends. Wonwoo had to be his enemy. Only then could he get over him, right?

“Well I do.” Mingyu muttered, watching Wonwoo delicately rub the back of Jahyun’s arm. Yelling it would have made him look obnoxious. But when he whispered it, he knew it would hit Wonwoo right at his core. It was concentrated and precise, like all the anger and frustration he had was packed into a dagger. 

Wonwoo’s hand movements slowed and his eyelashes fluttered downwards, as if he was struggling to register what had hit him.

“Say whatever you want Kim, Wonwoo doesn’t care.” Jaehyun huffed, letting it out as Vernon and S.Coups softened their grip.

“Oh really? So Wonwoo wouldn’t care if I told him how many girls you hooked up with before he agreed to date you?”

Wonwoo looked disgusted.

“We have a lot of things to work out, you’re not our marriage counselor. And for the record we’re not official yet so try again.” 

Jaehyun brought Wonwoo under his chin. Both their hearts were beating quickly. Jaehyun was more anxious and Wonwoo was more infuriated. The older boy began to guide him towards the door, finally taking Wonwoo’s advice to leave but Mingyu wasn’t finished yet.

“I’m just saying Wonwoo.” Mingyu huffed. “Before you get settled in you might want Jaehyun to come clean to you.” 

The words prompted the older boy to pat his hip, telling him to move faster but this time Wonwoo let his anger get the better of him.

“What are you talking about?” Wonwoo asked, lashing out at the taller.

Mingyu smirked.

“Ask Tzuyu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay theres a lot of hints I put in this. There was a certain word that I wanted you guys to pick up OMG. You guys know it's coming but it's a secret.


	32. To Understand the Monstrous with the Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! WARNING: This is not 'the rape scene' but this approaches it. There is a section in this chapter that is not consensual but this is not the rape scene that will occur in the middle of the story. This might be a very sensitive subject for you guys so I don't want to upset anyone and I don't want you guys to go into it blind. Thank you.

_“Ask Tzuyu”_

It was at that moment that Wonwoo’s hearing had become so attuned that he heard the breath that everyone had let out in the room. It wasn’t so much of a shock to Kai and Baekho considering that Tzuyu was an ‘acquaintance’ but the rest of the room including them were still shaken up.

Suddenly, he felt the change in the air, as if a projectile had just shot past him. Before he could recognize what it was, a fist had collided with Mingyu’s face. Jaehyun had been so fast that Wonwoo could only see the blur of his brown hair, but speed wasn’t enough. 

Mingyu may have _allowed_ himself to be caught off guard but he came back full swing. He only stumbled slightly and his head was forced sideways by the punch, but he brought his fist up in a hook, getting Jaehyun back in the cheek. 

All of it happened within a span of seconds that neither side was able to intervene on time. Apparently, the punch Mingyu had thrown was enough to neutralize Jaehyun, so much so that when the shorter boy took another swing it seemed aimless and pathetic, like a drunk man in a bar fight. 

Mingyu charged Jaehyun before Baekho and Kai could grab him, stepping forward with an overhead punch. He put his whole body into it, bringing down his arm and causing Jaehyun’s whole head to jerk sideways. With the time it took for Mingyu to perfect his form Jaehyun should have been on guard but he was still struggling to get his head back in the game. 

Since Jaehyun was now stumbling, he didn’t have time to put any effort into a real punch, so he tried his best to fight Mingyu off with jabs but it was no use. Mingyu had already closed in even before Jaehyun stumbled backwards, sending a straight punch his teammate’s way. By now Jaehyun was rendered powerless to block them. The shorter boy had put himself on the defensive since it was impossible to stop the momentum of Mingyu’s advance. He held his arms in front of him making them intersect and hid his face behind an ‘X’.

It wasn’t enough to get Mingyu to stop. With the cruelest smirk the taller boy went on to throw a bunch of hooks, going around Jaehyun’s futile defense and punching him in the sides. Jaehyun’s whole body jerked one way and then the other as it reacted to each hit. 

Mingyu had gone berserk but at the same time, it was like he was calculating everything in his head. He was planning out every strike, cornering Jaehyun into a place where he wanted him, until Jaehyun was out of the way. He didn’t care if he went to jail. All that mattered was that Jaehyun was _gone_. 

The older boy managed to try and throw his own overheads and uppercuts, but they barely made a dent. Who knew if Mingyu felt the pain? He had a goal and it was Jaehyun’s utter destruction. Maybe he was just too busy to stop and groan. If anything, pain was a sign of hard-earned victory. But when would the moment come where Mingyu had earned it? Would it take a few more punches? Sending Jaehyun to the hospital? Or sending him to the grave?

No one had time to speculate as the entire room gathered on both ends to restrain their friends.

The only thing the both of them could hear was a ringing sound in their ears, a long steady ringing sound. 

Even though Wonwoo knew it was dangerous to jump in front of two hormonal boys, he did so anyways, trusting in his own power to make the two of them see reason. And reason for Jaehyun was seeing Wonwoo’s face. For Mingyu, it was Wonwoo’s backside.

Even if he had won both billiards and the fight, Jaehyun still retained the greatest title: Wonwoo’s boyfriend. Mingyu growled in frustration. He should have been ashamed to know that Wonwoo had seen him act so barbaric and cruel. It was most likely his lowest point and he felt the worst, even if Wonwoo’s eyes weren’t staring him down like he was ready to kill him. How was it that Wonwoo’s attention was given all to Jaehyun yet he still felt bogged down by Wonwoo’s glare? Was it just because he was in love? 

Mingyu didn’t struggle against Baekho or Kai. He just glared at Jaehyun from across the room, the both of them locked in an angry staring contest. Despite his injuries, Jaehyun still wore a smirk, looking over the top of Wonwoo’s head as he silently challenged Mingyu once again. 

What made Mingyu even angrier was how Wonwoo managed to get Jaehyun’s attention and how Wonwoo’s hands came to hold each side of Jaehyun’s face. That was supposed to be him, he was supposed to be Jaehyun. That was what hurt the most.

“You wanna come back for seconds Jae? Or have you had enough?” the taller smirked. 

Jaehyun grunted.

“I won’t stop until you’re dead Kim!” he yelled, grabbing Wonwoo’s forearms as he tried to get around him.

“Hey!” Wonwoo snapped, blocking him. “Stop it!”

“”Tell that to your boyfriend.” Jaehyun gritted, looking down at him as if he was the most abominable thing on this earth. How could it be so that the older boy had looked at him as if he was the love of his life only minutes ago but now looked at him as if he would be better dead. 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Wonwoo said sharply, turning to Mingyu.

“And as for you, unless I send for you, don’t fucking come for me!” he shouted, eyes wide and mouth blaring. “I didn’t do anything to you so leave me and my friends alone! C’mon Jae.” Wonwoo said, his tone tired and defeated. He decided to forget about what Jaehyun had said a second ago. Leaving was on the top of his priority list.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Mingyu muttered, boring holes into Wonwoo’s back as his friend group left. He didn’t care if S.Coups and Vernon glared at him, or if Jaehyun gave him the middle finger. As much as he wanted it to be over, it wasn’t. Wonwoo was still in his heart and he couldn’t even conceive that he wouldn’t want that to be so.

“Even if I did ever go after you, your boyfriend couldn’t stop me.” the taller continued.

“Is that a threat?” Jaehyun narrowed his eyes.

“What do you think it is?” Mingyu replied, lifting his eyebrows. The older boy looked confused for a moment and then the taller let out a groan. “No dumbass, it’s an observation.”

“I don’t give a fuck about what it is, all I know is that even though you can win a fight against me, I’ll still be a lucky guy.”

“What the fuck are you talking about Jae?” Mingyu smirked, letting out a breath and shaking his head.

“I have Wonwoo and you don’t. So who’s the real winner Kim?”

Wonwoo pinched him but it went unnoticed. Jaehyun was too busy with getting in Mingyu’s face. 

“Jae. Don’t.” the black-haired boy said, voice firm and strong enough to reverberate in the other’s ears. Wonwoo’s pupils had a bright white glint to them as he leaned in closer to Jaehyun’s face. They wouldn’t have been so bright and shiny if not for their wetness. He was shocked he managed to still sound coherent.

“Listen to your boyfriend if you know what’s good for you.” Mingyu said darkly. Even if his arms were restrained by Baekho and Kai, he was still a few inches taller and wider than Jaehyun could ever aspire to be. It was why Mingyu was a linebacker after all. Jaehyun doubted that the taller boy had been stopped by his friends. Mingyu was probably holding himself back on his own. 

Jaehyun scowled and turned his head away.

“C’mon, we’re out of here.” he muttered, hooking an arm around Wonwoo and leading him outside. 

Mingyu watched as his teammate simply grabbed Wonwoo’s entire body like he owned it, leading them out the door. It was weird to think but maybe Wonwoo was the real winner in the game. At least, that’s what the small smile on Wonwoo’s face made it seem like. Although he looked more amused and in disbelief than happy.

II

Becoming aware of the tension between Wonwoo and Jaehyun, Jeonghan offered to drive Wonwoo back home. Everyone thought it was unfortunate since the two were on the verge of becoming official, even if it was only one-sided. 

As they walked through the parking lot, Wonwoo made a turn towards Jeonghan’s car and was about to wave goodbye to Jaehyun when the older boy asserted himself over him. The football player’s arm found his side and he steered him in the opposite direction towards his truck. 

“Jaehyun? Wonwoo’s going to be riding with me.” Jeonghan said politely. It came out more as a feeble question than a statement, prompting Jaehyun’s mouth to form a slight smile.

“Change of plans, sorry Han. Hope you don’t mind.” the brown-haired boy said, looking over his shoulder as they walked away. 

Wonwoo craned his neck and gave Jeonghan an apologetic smile, although there was nothing to apologize for. The blonde looked more than happy to see them together, even if it was odd that Wonwoo wasn’t protesting, especially after all the trouble Jaehyun put them through. To put it honestly, Jeonghan was ecstatic that Wonwoo was _giving in_ , succumbing to the spell that was love. What did one’s own soul have anything to do with it? Why did Wonwoo matter? All that mattered was the fact that they were together, with Wonwoo’s own soul and individuality subsumed in the cauldron of love potion. 

It was like being in bliss, but Wonwoo didn’t want that. He didn’t want to live in a fantasy for his own comfort. It wasn’t moral nor was it practical, as when tragedy struck again one’s fantasy would dissipate like clouds in the wind. He could only wait if he continued like this. The only difference between him and other people was that he wanted to be like that; he wished ignorance upon himself while others didn’t need to wish, they just were. 

“I’m sorry babe.” Jaehyun spoke, putting on his sunglasses as they exited the parking lot. 

Wonwoo had been slouched over in the passenger seat as if someone had pierced him with a tranquilizer. Perhaps it was one of his mind’s coping mechanisms when the world around him became too heavy a burden.

His head whipped to the left, mouth still open. 

“For what?” 

“I don’t know-” the footballer groaned, tapping the edge of his door like he was trying to think.

“Wait- that’s not a good answer. What I meant to say was… sorry for picking a fight with Mingyu and thinking you still liked him. I didn’t mean to treat you like that and I know I went against your advice. Fuck, I went against reason itself. I should have just taken you and left. Sorry about that.” the football player said, lowering his head slightly. 

Wonwoo could tell Jaehyun meant what he said as the football player was anxiously tapping the rim of the steering wheel as if he was waiting for his outburst. Jaehyun knew that the younger could kick his entire foundation out from under him and knock him down with a couple of witty sentences. But fear wasn’t everything, and it didn’t drive Jaehyun. He was really in love. 

The love was healthy enough to incline him to apologize and be sincere. But it was unhealthy in the respect that Jaehyun would go to any end just to ‘protect’ Wonwoo from a couple of words. It wasn’t like Mingyu had assaulted him. The big takeaway was that Jaehyun would sacrifice himself and his integrity for the sake of some infatuation he had with him. There was no glory or greatness in that. It was just pathetic. But Wonwoo didn’t mean to think of it that way. He knew there was good in Jaehyun. But who cared about words and linguistics when it was really the facts that counted? 

It was time he came clean.

“Jae, I’m really thankful that you paid for me today, and I was glad that you came, really. You don’t need to apologize, so long as you did all those things for yourself, because you _truly wanted_ to, not because you thought I wanted you to.”

“But that’s it Wonwoo, everything I do that counts, I do it for you. Forget about the fight, and forget about Mingyu. This is all about you. And- I’m trying to change. For you.”

Wonwoo shook his head but made sure to give the older boy a smile. He wasn’t good at taking his emotions seriously, but he would take all the precautions necessary to not hurt another person’s feelings, especially someone so vulnerable as Jaehyun.

“I don’t think I’m the right person for you, for you to change for I mean. Do it for yourself. Be the right person for yourself, for glory and for you know who.” Wonwoo chuckled faintly, holding up his necklace.

“I don’t think I can do that Won. I want to have you in my arms, not some made up person in my head.”

Wonwoo laughed.

“You’d be surprised just how your mind would change when you have a screen in front of you. You could have all the brides you want.” he said sarcastically, although it was simply for humor’s sake. 

“Real funny.” Jaehyun grunted, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let the conversation spin out of control like that. My fault. What I’m trying to say is this. I don’t think all of this is healthy.”

“What do you mean ‘all of this’?”

“Us, being together.”

“So you want to break up?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. There was a sharp and stinging tone to his voice.

“I can help you Jae. I can help you find the right one.”

The older boy could only scowl.

“Do you know how stupid you sound right now Won? You think I’ll ever look at anyone again and feel the way I feel for you. And it’s not just the way I feel, it’s how much I feel. How would I get over you when you’re so addictive that it’s fucking toxic? Fuck, I love you Wonwoo. I don’t care if it kills me.”

Wonwoo began to notice how dark the bruise that formed on Jaehyun’s cheek was, and the mark underneath his eye. He didn’t care if his father beat him, he wasn’t going to do this to Jaehyun. He was not going to sacrifice Jaehyun for Mingyu’s sake, nor was he going to sacrifice his own integrity by dating Jaehyun. He needed to get it together, gather everything he could.

“Well, I care. I’m leading you down the wrong path. I’m not your life coach, but I thought I could be a positive influence and I guess I was wrong. You see, you aren’t looking at the real me. You’re looking at me with rose-colored lenses.”

“It’s better like that than how Mingyu looks at you.”

Wonwoo scoffed.

“So that’s why you went off the hinges in there?”

“I was just protecting what’s mine.”

The black-haired boy laughed to himself.

“Am I the only one though? What did Mingyu mean by ‘ask Tzuyu’? Did you do something with her behind my back?”

The football player huffed.

“Fuck, no. Don’t you trust me by now?”

“I was just making sure.” Wonwoo said softly.

“So you really do care? Are you jealous Wonwoo?” he grinned.

“No, I- I like to know everything about the people who I hang around with. Is that a crime?”

Jaehyun chuckled.

“Of course not. But I’m not your enemy. You don’t need to do a background check on me to know that I won’t ever hurt you.”

“You won’t ever? Or you’ll try not to?” the black-haired boy asked, looking up at him from where his chin was lowered towards his lap. He had been playing with his fingers the whole time, ripping the sides of his fingernail. He didn’t know why but he felt the urge to.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun could only look into Wonwoo’s eyes. Gone was Wonwoo’s true curiosity. His question wasn’t a matter of philosophy. There wasn’t any wonder in it either. It was light as a feather. There was no depth to it. Wonwoo had sounded as though he was asking when dinner would be. 

It wasn’t a snap or a hiss either. It said much more about his own internal state of affairs than it did on the outside. Wonwoo may have looked angry when he said it, but Jaehyun knew there was something else going on. Did it have anything to do with why Wonwoo was so distant with his friends? 

“This is why you need me Wonwoo. I’m the only one you can trust, because- I love you.”

Wonwoo cringed, looking back down at his fingers contemptuously. The look was already harsh enough.

“That’s not good enough. A lot of people ‘loved’ me.”

Jaehyun paused, turning his head to look at Wonwoo. They had stopped at a red light which afforded him enough time to see that the younger looked even more indignant and resentful than he had ever had. It was eating him up. Memories were flashing by Wonwoo’s eyes just as the reflection of the leaves of the trees washed over the windshield as they began to move again. Jaehyun wasn’t keen on opening a can of worms just yet. Tonight was supposed to be a good night. For him _and_ Wonwoo, hopefully. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to show you then.”

“No, there won’t be anything like that going on, not anymore. Please, just accept it.”

“You’ll have to beg me to accept it.”

“I won’t ever degrade myself.” Wonwoo muttered, crossing his arms and looking out the window. 

“And I won’t ever let go of you. Mingyu’s going to have to go through me first.”

Wonwoo looked sideways at him.

“I don’t need to put Mingyu next to you to see all the problems that we have. I’m not going to compare the both of you. I’m done having to pick and choose between men who don’t meet my standards. I don’t have to choose at all. I choose nothing. And If that offends you then grow up.”

With that, Wonwoo let his head fall back angrily against the headrest. All he could think about was that novel he was reading.

  
  
  
  
  


_“Freedom: to want nothing, to expect nothing, to depend on nothing.”_

  
  
  


Jaehyun smirked.

“No Wonwoo, I think you need to grow up. Once you get to my age - which is pretty soon - you’ll find out that in life you have to make tough decisions. Not everything will be how you want it to be. Life is not a romance novel or some stupid musical. Life is being down in the gutter. It’s dark and gray. Maybe I need to teach _you_ a few things and not the other way around. You seem to have it twisted Won. What if you aren’t a successful author? You’re going to need a man to support you. What if you make some kind of philosophical discovery that shows you how bad life is? Or maybe you just wake the hell up? You’re going to need a man to fuck you and take away all your pain. I can make you forget Wonwoo. That’s the best thing about me. Isn’t that great babe?” Jaehyun chuckled, biting his lips at the thought.

But he received no response.

Wonwoo’s head had fallen to rest on the side of the door, his arms drooped to his sides and splayed out across his legs. And he thought it would have been Wonwoo’s talking that would have made him fall asleep. His long eyelashes made Wonwoo look so peaceful. He was simply knocked out.

It was rather the hum of the engine and the images flying past that had put him to sleep. It was the sheer meaninglessness and absurdity that had bored him, enough for his soul to give up and retire for the day. 

The football player only laughed to himself. Wonwoo’s mere indifference to the whole story with Tzuyu, his boredom with their conversation, and the loss of the fighting spirit within him seemed to suggest that Wonwoo didn’t care. He could still hear Wonwoo’s voice, the smooth but striking voice from the party that one night.

_“I never lied to myself.”_

Wonwoo had told him that he didn’t love him. He wasn’t even sure that the boy even had a fighting spirit. The only way that their love could be legitimized would be for Wonwoo to realize what Jaehyun had said about life was right. Tragedy could work in two ways. It could make one see the meaning and purpose in life; making one stronger in their quest for fulfillment. Or it could make one cynical and nihilistic, encouraging them to believe that there was no purpose, no values… that anything goes. He wanted that to happen to Wonwoo. Only then would the black-haired boy accept him.

He thought for a moment.

_Once you get your head out of the clouds you’re going to come crawling back to me._

III

Wonwoo woke up against a cold film of fabric. He could feel the silk of a pillow on his cheek and the light and airy cover of a sheet on his form. 

He noticed that there wasn’t a great view that the windows afforded him, and there was barely any sunlight. Yet before he could become melancholy, shock overtook him. 

The black-haired boy’s hand darted behind him. But the warmth of another body was absent. The sheet had been bundled up against his back as if it had been moved towards him by someone else’s hand. Where else had that hand been?

His breath hitched and he felt like yelling out, but he heard noise coming from the other room. Sweat rolled down his forehead from his own nervousness coupled with the heat coming from the ominous-sounding vents. And then he felt himself, making sure nothing had happened to him while he was asleep. It was still dark outside and what made him even more frightened was the possibility that whoever was out there would come back and do something to him.

But then logic kicked in and he analyzed every possibility that he summoned to his consciousness. It was obvious that the noise-maker outside was Jaehyun, but why in the world was he in his room?

It was a foolish question. Jaehyun had been very clear in the past. He thought about keeping his voice down and suppressing his reaction to the older’s boldness. After all, he didn’t know if the football player could be trusted to not retaliate physically. But he didn’t care. Wonwoo could not let it fly.

“Jaehyun? Are you there?” 

The clattering of plates stopped from what he assumed was the kitchen. And then footsteps could be heard approaching the door. It was already open, revealing a part of the long corridor from his angle, but it only made it more nerve-wracking that Jaehyun did not voice any acknowledgment. 

“Yeah babe?” 

Finally. 

“Jae, what am I doing here?” he said shakily but with an infuriated undertone. His whole body trembled slightly the way the brown-haired boy’s eyes became more intense and narrow. He never noticed how sharp Jaehyun’s face looked and how much of a devil he really was. The football player was wearing only a tank top and loose-fitting khakis that became wrinkled down near his black socks. Yet his presence still made him feel like he had just been taken home by a businessman. 

“You fell asleep so I let you snooze for the rest of the ride. Then I carried you here. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“How do I know you haven’t drugged it just to get me to-” he stopped, eyes widening slightly. His head darted down as he ripped off the sheet, looking down between his legs.

“C’mon Wonwoo, you don’t really think I did anything to you right babe?” Jaehyun chuckled.

“You already brought me here without my consent.” 

“Don’t worry. Sex isn’t fun when the other person’s alseep.” he winked.

Wonwoo clenched his teeth but his lips closed under the pressure. All Jaehyun could see were his pulsing eyes and hollow cheeks. At least the guy didn’t undress him and change him into new clothes. But still… 

“I’ll be in the kitchen, call you when it’s ready.” the football player mumbled, getting ready to close the door to ‘let him sleep’ he supposed.

“Don’t think I’m through with you Jae. You still have a lot to explain about Tzuyu.” Wonwoo glared at him, struggling to maintain his calm and not get up to slap the other across the face.

“Can’t a guy just make dinner for his boyfriend?” Jaehyun quirked an eyebrow.

Wonwoo thought to himself. Why hadn’t the older bothered to mention either of the things that he just said. Jaehyun had obliged in the car to tell the story, _before_ he fell asleep.

Did Jaehyun have a reason to explain himself now? Or did the football player have him right where he wanted him?

“Let’s go out to eat then.” Wonwoo said, hiding his uneasiness by positioning his arms behind his back and leaning on them for support. The subliminal gesture suggested to Jaehyun that he was calm and cool with everything now. Like the football player hadn’t just taken him to his apartment. 

Wonwoo’s eyes softened and his eyelashes came down to cover his pupils. Looking through them, he watched the gears in Jaehyun’s head turn as the older boy struggled to understand the change in the other’s demeanor. Wonwoo’s pose drew his eyes in towards the curve of his waist and his triangular figure. His shoulders were sharp yet fragile. The black-haired boy looked so alluring. It made Jaehyun think.

_He could take Wonwoo right then and there._

“Why not eat here where you’d be more comfortable? Besides, I already started cooking. Food’s on the stove right now, so.” Jaehyun shrugged.

The slight ounce of enthusiasm that had characterized Wonwoo’s question disappeared on the younger’s face, replaced by a glower. 

“I think it’d be more appropriate for you to explain your intentions to me somewhere else.”

The brown-haired boy chuckled.

“I thought I already told you my intentions Won. remember that day in the library? Remember what I told you? I guess you don’t like being in the wolf’s den huh?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s suffocating.” Wonwoo said dryly, trying not to let his breath hitch from the fact that he had been so stupid.

There wasn’t anything to his voice, not even fear. It was just a statement of the facts.

“Gee you don’t need to be so honest.” the older boy huffed. “I’ll try to make you more comfortable _princess_. You want another pillow? We can eat dinner here, I don’t mind.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“No, I’m not an animal Jae.”

_I am._ Jaehyun thought.

“Alright, go back to sleep babe. I’ll wake you up when it’s ready.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Why?”

“I want to watch. You should know I’m a very picky person.” Wonwoo added, covering for himself. 

“Well, I want to know you more babe.” Jaehyun grinned, whispering against his ear as the black-haired boy walked to meet him at the door. The football player brought him to the kitchen, showing him a seat at the bar separating the living room from the kitchen.

“Is there any possibility that we could postpone?” Wonwoo asked, crossing his arms over his lap.

“No.” Jaehyun smirked, leaning against the counter. 

It was obvious that Wonwoo didn’t like the answer and he rested his cheek against the palm of his hand.

“Is that a coffee machine?” 

Jaehyun looked over his shoulder to the black Keurig in the corner.

“Yeah, want some?”

“I’ll make it myself.” Wonwoo replied, getting up slowly. 

“No, I’ll do it for you. Sit your pretty ass down.” the older smirked.

“If you say so.” he sighed, lips quirking.

As Jaehyun worked on making the best cup of coffee Wonwoo twisted the bar stool, glancing at the door. The football player was foolish to think that he wouldn’t try and escape, especially with the door so close. But would it really be an escape? Would that be an insult to Jaehyun’s ‘hospitality’?

Ten minutes passed and Jaehyun emptied a pan of stir fry onto his plate. Wonwoo gave him only a slight smile but the older could tell that he wanted to say something.

“What? You don’t like stir fry babe?” the older boy asked.

Wonwoo was going to try and dissuade Jaehyun from making any more advances but opted not to, deciding that it would only put his ‘captor’ on alert and jeopardize the situation.

“No, I was just thinking…”

“Yeah?”

“About Tzuyu.”

Jaehyun’s smile faltered but it changed to a smirk.

“Sorry if the thought of her puts a bad taste in your mouth but I could give you something else that tastes better.”

He tried not to gag.

“I’m eating.” he hissed, stabbing a piece of zucchini with his fork. 

“Sorry Wonu but I can’t help it.” 

“So Tzuyu?” Wonwoo pressed, deliberately trying to ruin the mood. 

Jaehyun twisted the bar stool back and forth as he played with his food.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll just be honest. We kind of had a thing.”

“A sexual thing?” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, pretending to care.  
  


“Yes.” Jaehyun lowered his head, giving him a sheepish smile.

“And when was this?”

“Right after we went to the park.”

A loud ‘clank’ rang out through the room as Wonwoo let his fork drop onto his plate. 

“What?” he said, voice quivering. His eyes became wet and he clenched his hands, shaking them for extra effect.

“Look Wonwoo, I was really horny. I even told you that I wanted to fuck but you refused. What else was I supposed to do?”

_Maybe cut your dick off._

“I don’t blame you.” Wonwoo replied sarcastically with a strikingly calm tone. He cracked a smile, staring ahead as he couldn’t bear to look at the man in front of him. Except, Jaehyun was no man. He was just a boy. 

“It was casual, no strings attached. Don’t fret over it, alright babe?” 

_Casual you say?_

Why were those words so familiar?

Wonwoo nodded, raising his head high. 

“How?”

The football player tilted his head.

“What?”

“How- how did Mingyu know? Let me guess, you bragged about it afterwards.” Wonwoo accused him angrily, shoulders tensing and chest rising with every deep breath he forced himself to take. 

“Woah, calm down Won. I thought you said you were fine with it?”

“You really expect me to keep my emotions in check right now Jaehyun? You’re the one who’s lost it!” 

“What do you want me to do? Disavow Tzuyu or something? There was nothing to it, I promise Wonu, please!” the older said, extending his hands in frustration. Perhaps Jaehyun was the only one there who wasn’t acting.

“An apology would be nice, but I’m not sure that would be enough.” Wonwoo spat. 

“Look, I’m sorry. Know that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything I just- you weren’t giving me what I needed and I- I guess I lost it. I haven’t been laid in a while now and I wanted some release.” the football player _explained_ , grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and holding it as if he was going to start begging. Jaehyun lowered his head, collapsing under the weight of the younger’s stare.

“It’s been a week Jae, you call that a while?” Wonwoo arched an eyebrow. Gone was the passionate loathing for the man as well as the dramatic performance. 

Jaehyun looked up at him with the most idiotic look. The boy wasn’t a predator. He was _nothing._ Jaehyun only had desire, there was no will or soul in him. Just the absence of something and the craving that resulted in that absence. Tzuyu may have filled it for a night, and Wonwoo may have tried to fill it during the day, but all Jaehyun really ever had was his looks. The boy in front of him was so reprehensible that he did not even deserve pity. Pity was a gift from the strong to the weak. What Jaehyun needed was to be put in solitary; to be consumed by complete darkness. At least in solitary Wonwoo would have his own mind. But Jaehyun would have nothing. 

It was a pleasant thought and Wonwoo internally laughed. Maybe giving himself to Jaehyun was punishment enough. Wonwoo was the real player after all. He could take amusement in granting Jaehyun the illusion of something he could never have. Or Wonwoo could simply leave and walk out the door. But was that really an option?

He did not forget to persuade a tear into rolling down his cheek. At least Jaehyun got a show from him. 

The brow-haired boy’s smile dropped and in urgency, he took his hand and kissed it.

“Please, Wonu. Let me make it up to you. Let me show you something even Tzuyu never got to see. I’ll make you feel good. I’ll give you more than she could ever handle cause I know you want it. That’s why you’re still here. You want to be fucked until you forget about Mingyu. That’s all you’ve ever needed. Forget about philosophy and all that shit that comes out of your mouth. I’ve been waiting so long just to shut you up with my dick. That’s what you need, admit it.” Jaehyun gritted, coming around the counter. 

“You’re disgusting. Get away from me!” he grimaced, trying to swat the football player away but Jaehyun only grabbed his arms and stopped them. If he could just have slapped the older’s bruised cheek he could have inflicted enough pain to escape, but it was too late.

“C’mon bitch!’ Jaehyun growled. “You’re going to bed.” 

Wonwoo tried kicking the older boy’s shin from where he sat on the stool but Jaehyun yanked him out of his seat and put his entire body over his shoulder. 

The door got further and further away as Jaehyun carried him down the hall. 

Wonwoo slapped Jaehyun’s back enough for it to sting but something in the back of his head was telling him to give in, to allow Jaehyun to make him forget about Mingyu. If he just let him have his way, Wonwoo would have no reason to stay cold and lonely. It told him to let the sensations of the world vanquish his hyper-rational mind. It created a stuck up moral code for him to follow after all. What good had that done to him besides make him suffer, depriving him of all the sinful pleasures that the world had to offer to his flesh. The Prince of the earth was courting him now, tempting him to eat the apple. Except this time, he would not only forget about Mingyu, but he’d forget about right and wrong. He wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Jaehyun would be in control. Jaehyun would be responsible. Jaehyun would be the one to go down into hell because he was the one who had raped him. Wonwoo could claim that ‘he didn’t know’, that he was surrendering himself to evil. After all, it wasn’t like Wonwoo wasn’t fighting back. He just wasn’t fighting hard enough. He could have bawled his hands into fists or bit Jaehyun’s shoulder, but he simply fell limp, hanging over the football player’s back. He didn’t cringe or twitch when Jaehyun had grabbed him from his behind and he simply fell on his back, bouncing on the springs of the bed as the football player threw him down on it.

As much as he wished he had been stunned by the harshness of Jaehyun’s actions, or be shocked into not moving by the older boy’s advances, his mind was racing and his chest was panging. His loose-fitting shirt had rolled up to expose his waist and his pants came down an inch to hug his hips. Jaehyun didn’t know what to look at, his pale navel or his pale eyes.

The moment of indecisiveness delayed Jaehyun’s movements. This was Wonwoo’s opportunity and he took it.

As the football player crept towards him Wonwoo reached up with a leg and kicked his assailant in the shin. 

“Fuck.” Jaehyun groaned, smirking at him. “I didn’t know you were into BDSM.” 

Wonwoo’ didn’t reply, only clenching his teeth as he looked up at him. Throughout the entire ordeal he had been more or less silent except for the breaths he took and the huffs he let out.

Having been a football player for years Jaehyun didn’t think much of the kick to his shin and he only flinched. But the force of it caused him to stumble back as Wonwoo tried to skirt around him. 

Wonwoo’s feet landed on the carpet of the bedroom and he stepped on his heel at the edge of the bed in order to make a run for the door but Jaehyun simply regained his footing and came towards him again. In response, the black-haired boy lifted his foot to kick Jaehyun once more, and this time it was aimed at the football player’s chest. But it was to no avail. 

Jaeyhyun locked onto his foot as he tried to retract it, and in one swift tug, he pulled Wonwoo off the edge of the bed, letting his back hit the floor as well as his head soon after. It made Wonwoo dizzy and disgruntled for only a couple of seconds but it was enough time for Jaehyun to reach down for the hem of his shirt. One simple pull wasn’t enough to tear the fabric so Jaehyun grabbed his hip, pulling off from it and tearing the shirt enough so that Wonwoo’s lower chest could be seen. A red handmark immediately formed on his side. 

He groaned in pain, making himself more vocal to get Jaehyun’s sympathy perhaps, but Jaehyun was a monster. The older boy wasn’t even thinking. He was simply consumed by something in his head. It wasn’t even a thought, just a desire that had always been there, unsummoned and more primitive than ever. He wasn’t a dangerous man who was tamed, he was just dangerous. 

Wonwoo looked up at him with a hysterical smile. He knew what would happen next. Jaehyun’s hands had already come down to the waistband of his pants. 

He’d failed, hadn’t he? Wonwoo thought. Jaehyun was supposed to be a fixer upper. But Wonwoo guessed he had just imagined that the boy had potential when it really wasn’t the case. And now, he’d pay the price for it.

_Not yet._

Wonwoo frantically pushed off from the carpet with his feet, getting up from the floor before Jaehyun could tackle him. He had been beneath the side of the older boy’s bed but then leaped onto the mattress, walking backwards on his hands and feet as he pressed his back against the headboard of the bed. As weak and futile as it was, he threw pillows Jaehyun’s way in an attempt to distract him as he dragged himself towards the lampstand. He thought about throwing the digital clock or the metallic coaster lying on the table but opted for the lamp itself. He pulled it from it’s socket and pushed off from the headboard with his hand, swinging at Jaehyun’s head with the long piece of hollow metal. 

The football player evaded the first swing, grabbing onto it as it came back the other way. He yanked it from Wonwoow’s hands and threw it over the side of the bed, his other hand reaching to grab Wonwoo’s leg.

Due to his agility and speed, Wonwoo withdrew it in time, rolling off the bed and falling onto the floor before Jaehyun could get closer. He crawled beneath the other side of the bed, trying his best to get his footing fast and steady but he ended up tripping over his feet and falling again. He was in the middle of getting back up when Jaehyun grabbed his bottom, taking pleasure in squeezing it as well as restraining him on the floor with one arm hanging over the bedside. 

Wonwoo rolled over on his back, swatting away Jaehyun’s hands and keeping them from grabbing on to him as he slid out from beneath the hand reaching for him. The football player snarled from where he was leaning over the edge of the bed but he could do nothing as he wasn’t fast enough to catch the younger. 

In the fastest pace he could muster, Wonwoo’s feet thudded against the carpet as he ran through the door frame, his footsteps echoing through the tunnel that was the corridor. 

Jaehyun decided not to bother at that point, knowing Wonwoo wasn’t running to the police. Nor did he have his phone in his hand or had he even reached for it in his pocket. Wonwoo simply ran towards the door, perhaps trying to gather his thoughts or suspend all thought processes in his head all together. Jaehyun could practically see his heart beating out from his chest, that same chest that he wanted to bruise with kisses. 

He watched as Wonwoo’s slim and voluptuous body reached the white exit door, contrasting perfectly against it. But he only caught a glimpse of that perfection before Wonwoo swung the door open and twisted around it. Yet the younger’s hands didn’t leave the wood paneling. They stayed holding onto it as Wonwoo looked over his shoulder to see if Jaehyun was still pursuing him. The black-haired boy could only see his narrowed eyes and the determined expression on his face. What he did not see was the deviance in them. Jaehyun may have acted like an animal, but really he was just a boy. Wonwoo was right. He was just pathetic; fulfilling an urge rather than mastering it. There wasn’t anything demonic in those eyes, just mischief. But if someone like that would go to the length of assaulting him, what was someone who was truly evil capable of? Better yet? What were the people who were kind and average, not capable of? He wondered if any of his friends would believe him if he told him that Jaehyun had tried to rape him, or if they would tell him that he was mistaken.

It didn’t matter now, Wonwoo simply wanted to be alone. 

Jaehyun was now standing in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at him from down the hall with that feral glare of his. It was the same kind of look that Wonwoo always wanted Mingyu to give him, for Mingyu put him in his place with it. But Jaehyun was not Mingyu. Instead, the boy before him was simply a shadow of what could have been great. At least the promise in Mingyu was not a shadow but a glimpse of the future. 

He broke the staring contest he was having with Jaehyun and jogged out the door, shaking his head as he looked down at his feet in disappointment. 

Jaehyun watched as the torn fabric of Wonwoo’s shirt dangled as he swerved around the corner. And then the sound of the black-haired boy’s footsteps could be heard stomping down the stairwell, suggesting how much Wonwoo didn’t care about anything else but getting away from him. At least, that was what he guessed the boy thought in the moment. 

Why hadn’t he reached for his phone already? Better yet, why had he just stood there in the doorway, taunting him.

He was still staring at the wall in the corridor until he realized that Wonwoo was completely gone. And suddenly, the urge to ravish the other was gone as well and he felt empty. 

Jaehyun walked tiredly towards the door. 

Wonwoo had left it open before he left. 

IV

He hadn’t stopped running until he reached the park that Jaehyun had taken him to a week before. Wonwoo knew it would only spark memories but he liked the feeling of nostalgia, even if it made him sad.

The only reason why his heart was beating fast was because he had just run more than a mile. He didn’t think much of what Jaehyun had attempted to do fifteen minutes prior, but it still hovered over him like a rain cloud. He supposed it was his body’s reaction to things he didn’t want to deal with, yet that was simply physical. 

Jun was right, there was a deeper problem. He just never thought it was important enough to deal with until now. Yet, he did not think he was born a certain way mentally. He was truly driven by his own observation of the world, not what the world was projecting onto him. But still, it didn’t mean that the weight on his back wasn’t there. It was obvious that the issue was not genetic. Life was just too damn complicated, and the issue of complexity seemed to be producing symptoms. One of which may have been hopelessness, and he could feel it crawling up his spine.

He stuck out his hand and all five fingers, going over all the problems he was presented with. One, what just happened? Two, what was Jaehyun going to tell his father and subsequently what would be the fate of Mingyu’s career? Three, what was he going to do?

And for a second, he felt as though none of those questions mattered. They would all sort themselves out for the time being. Meanwhile, something larger begged to be answered.

Why was he watching the gears turning in his own head when he should have been trembling, rehashing the nightmare that could have taken place prior? Why hadn’t he broken yet? 

Then he felt it; the wetness returned to his eyes, not the kind that he had faked with Jaehyun, but the real kind. Finally, his body had caught up to what just happened and it was reacting accordingly. It came uncalled for, a teardrop rolling down his cheek. And it evaporated because his face was searing. 

He had thought he had overcome betrayal but apparently not. It was the most unpleasant emotion, maybe one of the most real. Yet it was not just what Jaehyun had attempted that made him repulsed, but the history and context behind it. It wasn’t the first time after all. 

Wonwoo simply sat there on a bench with no one around to look at him or pity him. That was good at least. The last thing he needed was someone to ask if he was okay. He wouldn’t know what to tell them. Should he be? Was he simply overreacting? 

Now was the time that he wished Mingyu was there to sit next to him so he could cry into his chest. But that was only a wish. He was brought back to reality when the memories from earlier flashed across his mind.

_“I don’t hate you.”_

_“Well I do.”_

He could still hear the malice in Mingyu’s voice when he said it. It stung, but pain was just pain.

Returning from fantasy land he thought back to all the problems that awaited him. But even if his voice was shaky and his eyes still wet, he mustered up the courage to mutter something.

He gritted his teeth, holding himself and trying not to shake.

_“Bring it on.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one is scarred or anything. 
> 
> I also quoted Ayn Rand again, credits to her 
> 
> UGH IM SO AWKWARD UGH.


	33. Lysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, WARNING: Strong and vulgar language not meant for innocent ears LMAO. First half is dark but it gets silly and light the next half. Mingyu and Kai have a convo and Kai is so not a gentleman. Also, the section near the end is really heavy but there's some things buried in it that might cause your earks to perk up lol. Everything smutty that is said is not my words it's Mingyu's, just letting you know haha.
> 
> I named this chapter after one of Plato's dialogues where Socrates interviews one of his friend's crushes to see if he's right for him lmao. Seokmin is basically Socrates in this.

A week had passed and Wonwoo had still not been summoned to his father’s office. He was beginning to think that whatever the man had in store for him was growing more sinister every day that he held it in reserve. By now, Jaehyun would have already run to him to make his father dish out a punishment, but it was already a punishment to be in the presence of the brown-haired boy. 

It was like the world was going easy on him now. Of course he had to put effort into avoiding Jaehyun for the time being but for once, it didn’t take much. Jaehyun steered clear from him as well, most likely because he was afraid Wonwoo would rat him out. But then, if Jaehyun had been afraid, why hadn’t he stopped him from leaving? Added on to that, the football player now looked at him with a neutral expression. Gone was the mark of a predator on his face, nor was the mischievous glint in his eyes there either. It was like he finally got to see who Jaehyun really was, that is, from a distance. Except, Jaehyun was now a gray shell of what he once was, most likely having drained himself from chasing Wonwoo around like a love sick puppy. 

Mingyu hadn’t bothered him either, staying at his own respective table with his buddies on the football team. It was the least the guy could do he guessed, but he wasn’t yearning for an apology from him. He was still as infatuated with the football player, even more so now. And his nightmares were always marked by Mingyu’s presence. As he had tossed and turned in his bed, kicking Jaehyun away from him, he dreamt that Mingyu had come in to save him. Perhaps it was just another coping mechanism. When he began to start romanticizing his nightmares then he knew he had a problem. But knowing that didn’t stop the harshness of the truth hitting him in the face. It still hurt, even when he knew it all wasn’t real. Like when he was anxious about something and he knew it was an irrational fear. It didn’t stop him from being afraid, and it never would. But the problem wasn’t making him stop feeling pain or fear, it was how to deal with it.

“Wonwoo? You okay?”

He looked towards Minghao like a deer caught in the headlights, but his lids still covered his eyes slightly and his lips formed more of a frown than a shocked ‘O’. He appreciated the younger boy's thoughtfulness anyways, not wanting to upset him.

“Yes. Thank you” he said bluntly. “Was I acting weird or something?” he chuckled although Minghao knew it came out forced.

“You were just staring out into blank space for a minute there.” the younger grimaced, careful as to not provoke him. He knew it either had to be Mingyu or Jaehyun that Wonwoo’s eyes had come across.

“Oh, was I?” Wonwoo asked, not really caring if he was or wasn’t. He just wanted to be in Mingyu’s lap, snuggling into the chest of the new captain of the football team. He knew it was a betrayal of S.Coups in his head but he laughed it off inside. He’d always root for S.Coups if he were being serious. But just from mere infatuation, of course he’d be Mingyu’s cheerleader, in fact, he’d devote his whole life to being just that. The thought was so silly he could ponder it forever but then he realized Minghao was now looking at him as if he had broken him. 

“No, I- I think I was being dramatic.” Minghao laughed. “I’m so used to eating super fast I guess I misjudged you.”

Wonwoo’s lips curled slightly as he looked down, pretending to be shy as he went back to playing with his food. He didn’t want to be fake towards one of his friends but he just wanted to be left alone. As he assumed, Minghao went back to chatting with Jun and the rest of the group, snapping Jeonghan out of his gaze as he entered the group conversation. The blonde had been looking at him with concern, much like a mother. But Jeonghan opted not to say anything, observing Minghao’s own failure. They had all silently agreed to give Wonwoo time alone to himself after the black-haired boy told them that things between Jaehyun and him weren’t working out, and Vernon in particular was forced into honoring the pact, especially since he respected the authority of Jeonghan and S.Coups so much. At least their friend group had a strong start and things would stay like that so long as they all made sure it would. Wonwoo was happy that Vernon and Jun mutually agreed to drop the tension between them but it didn’t ensure that the younger would keep his mouth shut if Mingyu ever decided to show his face. Or keep his fist by his side for that matter.

As much as Wonwoo always was attuned with the conversation and simply stayed out of it, he really was up in the clouds. No matter how hot the concerned stare Vernon was giving him was, Wonwoo couldn’t even feel the wind on his cheek from passing students. The blonde boy looked like he wanted to do something impulsive, maybe get up and pick a fight with Mingyu. But Wonwoo didn’t notice. The last thing everyone wanted was for another fist fight to break out, but if there was any nervousness and anticipation, it was all being pushed under the rug. It was like Jeonghan was the mother who knew something was wrong but was too ashamed to admit it, Minghao was the distant brother, and Vernon was… well, he was the one with the temper. And it was all because of his stupid crush over some knucklehead football player. He appreciated them all, for what they had done, wanted to do and could do. But with the instability permeating their ranks Wonwoo didn’t feel secure enough to stay. So he left, walking out of the cafe and into the corridor. 

Vernon shook the table as he shot up, finally making up his mind and going to get Wonwoo before he could leave. However, Jeonghan stopped him, sending him a warning look.

“Vernon, don’t.”

The younger boy’s hand had almost left the table as he maneuvered out of his seat but it stopped at the precision of that soft but striking voice.

“What? Why? Something’s wrong and you know it. This isn’t about Wonwoo’s crush anymore.”

“I know but we have to let things unravel themselves. When Wonwoo feels comfortable he will tell us.”

“But-”

Jeonghan’s expression intensified.

“Fuck you.” Vernon muttered, loud enough for only Seungkwan to hear and hit him. The blonde sat back down at the table, rubbing his forehead as he clenched his fist.

S.Coups lowered his eyebrows and glared at the younger.

“Hey, watch your mouth.”

Vernon emitted a groan, 

“Whatever.” 

II

Wonwoo took out his phone, dialing the number of his new best friend. Every other day he’d switch it up and have lunch with his friend when their schedules aligned. But now he was feeling selfish. It wasn’t like Jungkook liked being in class anyways.

There was a click and a thud on the other line as Jungkook patched him in.

“Kookie?”

“Hi, sorry, can you text me?” 

There was another thud and the screen of his phone brightened up again. He went to his message app and began to type away when Jungkook broke the silence first.

_________________________________________

Kookie: Hey, what’s up? Sorry, I can’t talk in class.

Wonwoo: Kookie can you skip today, pleaseeeee. I’m SAD and need a distraction.

Kookie: Uhh I’m not really in the mood today. Sorry.

Wonwoo: WHAT?!?! 

If you don’t come out right now I’m pulling the fire alarm.

Kookie: Jk jk. I’m already out btw. 

Wonwoo: ??? 

Is this when I ask ‘where r u’ and you say ‘right behind u’?

And then you chase me and then kill me like Ghostface did on MTV’s Scream?

Kookie: No… It was a joke but u didn’t get it. Awwww phooey 

Wonwoo: What a shame : (

That would be a fitting death for me.

As Grand Admiral Thrawn said when his bodyguard assassinated him: “But...It was so artistically done”. 

Kookie: Does Grand Admiral Thrawn have a quote for when he gets banged by the hottest jock in school? Now that’s a betrayal I could go for.

Wonwoo: I’m not even going to entertain that question. Keep the intelligence level at a minimum at least. And Jimin would hate what you just said.

Kookie: Sawweee. And HEY, I’m the one who likes him so I’m the authority in all of Jimin’s affairs.

Wonwoo: where r u anyways?

Kookie: Right. Behind. You.

_________________________________________

Wonwoo turned around, wide-eyed and ready to get Jungkook back for scaring him. 

“Did I scare you?” Jungkook laughed. It echoed through the empty hall, causing a professor to slam one of their doors shut.

“No, you’re just so unnoticeable I was surprised.” 

“Now I see why Mingyu doesn’t like you.” Jungkook pursed his lips, blowing air out of them as he rolled his eyes.

It became common practice that they poked fun at each other’s lives. A joke could never hurt as much as the facts of reality. Besides, the dullness he felt was simply an attitude he had towards pain. 

“He isn’t ready for the boss ass bitch in you.” Jungkook continued with a cheeky grin across his face.

“Nice save.” 

“My life depended on it.” the younger smiled sheepishly.

Wonwoo nodded knowingly, as if he really could end Jungkook if he wanted to.

“Want to go walk around in the gym, I’m sure Mr. Kwon wouldn’t mind? He doesn’t care about ID cards anyways. He lets anyone in.”

“No I hate the gym.” Jungkook groaned. “We’d just be walking around in circles.”

“Walking helps your thighs and your posterior though.” Wonwoo snorted, holding his hands out in disbelief. “And I thought you wanted Jimin to like you.”

“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just censor yourself from saying ‘ass’.”

He jerked his head back as if he were insulted.

“Sorry honey but this mouth will stay pure.”

“Not with Jaehyun’s dick in it.” 

Jungkook didn’t know

“I hate you.”

“And don’t forget that time you swore at him too, remember… at the party?” 

“No, I don’t want to.” Wonwoo sighed, eyes softening and lips turning into a pout of indifference. 

“Stubborn!” Jungkook gawked. A sudden burst of energy seemed to overcome him soon after. 

“Hey, let’s go to the library. I figured that’d be your first option but I guess you’re full of surprises.”

“Alright, I concede. Lead the way.”

Jungkook covered his mouth as he snickered.

“Maybe they’ll be hot guys for you to flirt with there.”

“Yeah, like a library is the place they’d totally be at.” Wonwoo snorted.

“Wonu you’re literally so ignorant.”

“Literally?”

Jungkook sighed. 

“Just come, by the time we get there you’re already gonna be a cougar and no one’s gonna want you.”

“I don’t want to be wanted by any man besides  _ you know who  _ Kookie. There’s nothing that will change it unless I choose to compromise my own integrity.”

“Yeah well, we’re gonna have to work on that.” the younger chuckled anxiously. “Maybe you’ll find a guy who’s so amazing he will change everything for you.” 

“But it will have to be because he was wise and not because he had a handsome face that made me dumb and stupidly infatuated with him. That’s the only way I’d ever let my view of the world change.”

“I’ll take that as a challenge then Won. Matchmaker Jungkook at your service!” 

IV

The library was usually filled with popular kids whenever they found a chance to skip their classes. Now that it was colder outside most of them overran the room, filling the cushions and tables. What irked the librarian the most was how students would put their feet up on the wood, eat and get crumbs all over the carpet or just be flat out rude. 

It was like a movie theater. The sound of people crinkling potato chip bags or plastic wrap was the most annoying thing, especially for someone so sensitive to their own environment. One would have thought that Wonwoo could simply escape from reality on a whim but it was just too damned entertaining to get outraged over the smallest things. Boring holes into noisy people’s faces with his angry glares as he tried to read was his favorite pastime.

But Jungkook didn’t bring him to the library to read. What kind of friend would do that? 

To their dismay however, well, to Jungkook’s that was, barely anyone from any of the sports teams were there. They were most likely all in the weight room behind the gymnasium now that they thought about it. And if there were any athletes in the library, they were usually the ones who weren’t very dapper and only had one brain cell which they used up remembering how to get to school that morning. Jungkook and Wonwoo had both firmly agreed that they would take a handsome man over an intelligent one any day. Even if he was creepy. A creepy guy could get away with anything if he was hot. If he was morbidly and horrendously ugly and tried to bed them, they both would have called 911. 

It explained why he could tolerate Mingyu so much. He may have been a dumb lugnut but he made up for everything with his handsomenss and personality. Except for when he was being a dickhead.

Yet that explanation was barely even one percent of the reason why Wonwoo truly liked Mingyu. In fact, it wasn’t in the equation. Mingyu was just everything Wonwoo wanted, so much so that it was indescribable. 

Speaking of Mingyu, Wonwoo instantly spotted his friends from the bowling alley last week, sitting at a table a little ways across the room. The black-haired boy made eye contact with the other who bore a resemblance to him. Seokmin was his name, he was pretty sure. He was sitting with a boy who he hadn’t seen before. He wasn’t at the bowling alley with Mingyu last Sunday either. 

Plus they were sitting with two girls who looked disturbed by the interruption, but nonetheless went back to chatting and tapping their acrylic nails against their phones.

It was weird.

The boy who could have passed as his twin brother waved to him from his table with a kind smile and a lot of teeth painting his expression. 

“That guy’s waving to us.”

“I see him.” Wonwoo replied, staring blankly at the boy with slightly messy hair. He did nothing but wave with no emotion on his face, as if he was sending a message that he did not want to be bothered. 

“Well?” Jungkook asked.

“Well, let’s get going. Not to be rude but I didn’t think Seokmin was one of the hot guys we came here for, that  _ you _ came here for. He looks too much like me.”

Jungkook gaped.

“I’d never cheat on Jimin in my heart, never.” 

“Okay then. Let’s start browsing these aisles-” Wonwoo said with a snarky tone but it was cut short by his friend pulling him along towards the table where Seokmin was sitting.

“We’re not gonna leave this guy hanging. Look, he’s even calling us over.”

“But-”

“I’m doing this for you, not me, okay?”

Wonwoo grimaced. His lips bent jaggedly as he scowled towards his friend. He looked towards the ground with distaste as they made their way across the room, only looking up when they approached,

He put on a soft smile, as if he hadn’t just been caught being two-faced. His eyes were half-open with an unsettling calmness to them, prompting Seokmin’s super-friendly demeanor to vanish from the sudden loss of energy in the room. Mingyu and Wonwoo were really opposites after all. 

Now it was Seokmin’s turn to wince, smiling nervously as Wonwoo looked down at him from where he was standing over the table. He took in the way that the black-haired boy scanned each seat, only now noticing that he was with company. 

What did Mingyu see in him? Seokmin thought. Sure he was beautiful. He had sharp looks, an angular face and dark alluring eyes that could kill someone by simply opening. But it seemed that he’d be a drain on his friend’s personality. Almost like a leech. 

He didn’t want to put it that way but it was like the life-force had been sucked out of the room just by Wonwoo’s very presence. What had happened to the boy that had made him like that? Wonwoo may have taken the light-heartedness of the situation away but he was certainly projecting onto them something so intense it made him shrivel up.

But then he remembered why he had called Wonwoo over in the first place. The universe seemed to be on his side at the right time.

“You’re Wonwoo right?” 

“That’s my name.” Wonwoo chuckled. “I know you’re Seokmin. Mingyu’s friend?” 

“Yeah uh-” Seokmin scratched the back of his neck. “We’re best buds actually. When he’s not sucking a girl’s face off.”

Chan who was beside him snickered but stopped himself soon after realizing Wonwoo had suddenly tensed.

“So you know Mingyu personally too?” Seokmin continued. 

“Unfortunately.” a soft but firm voice said. It was a bit nasally but it was sharp and spiteful.

Wonwoo turned to his friend, chuckling. It wasn’t even sheepish nor was it done in embarrassment. The black-haired boy was simply acknowledging that the statement was true, shamelessly too. 

“Oh I forgot, silly me.” Wonwoo hiccuped. “This is my friend Jungkook. He doesn’t have a filter.”

“Hey ‘Jungkook with no filter’, sorry to hear Mingyu doesn’t hit everyone the right way.” Seokmin chuckled. 

“Well he must be doing something right if Tzuyu and that other girl he’s keeping around are all head over heels for him.” 

Wonwoo turned to look at his friend, eyes still half-lidded and uncaring. It was almost like he was saying ‘nice job’.

Meanwhile, Seokmin’s jaw went slack while the two girls at the table looked at Jungkook with slightly widened eyes before turning back to each other abruptly and whispering. 

“I-I guess that’s just one of the perks of being a star athlete. You saw him right, at the Pharaoh Hound’s first game? He was great.”

“Of course he was.” Wonwoo smiled, letting a breath out through his nose. “That’s funny though. He never introduced me to you.”

Seokmin’s smile widened slightly, either in pride that his suspicions were correct or because he had come across something. He thought for a second, not really trying to come up with an explanation to Wonwoo’s question. He was simply caught off guard about something else.

_ So they really had a thing?  _ No one would have used the word ‘introduced’ in the same sentence as their friend’s name. Unless they were more than that.

It must have been why Wonwoo’s best friend was now glaring at him for his own ignorance. Whatever Mingyu had done it didn’t look good, for Wonwoo and for his best friend as well. Wonwoo looked as though he could do a lot of damage if someone ever crossed him. The black-haired boy’s little friend certainly had a mouth but he noticed how Wonwoo seemed to be restraining him from getting worse. Just what was he capable of? His mysteriousness and beauty was simply not enough to have made Mingyu attracted to such a cold and hollow person. Perhaps he wasn’t that hollow after all. 

Seokmin shook his head like a dog drying off its fur. Coming back to reality, he gave Wonwoo a confident grin.

“He was too into you to even acknowledge our existence. First time I ever saw him choose a crush over his friends.”

Wonwoo pretended not to be shocked, ignoring the guy’s subtle smugness. Jungkook’s eyes darted towards him, waiting for the outburst to come from his friend but there was nothing. The black-haired boy simply maintained his usual expression.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Seokmin’s breath hitched, having expected Wonwoo to break the cold act he was playing, slam his hands down on the table and ask more about just how much Mingyu was in love with him. But Wonwoo was rather enraged.

“It was just an observation I felt like sharing after I connected the dots. Mingyu really had a thing for you. First time I ever saw him get dumber than he was. That’s what love does to us.”

Wonwoo clenched his fist, only replicating the way his heart felt like it was being crushed. He took amusement in the thought that he still had one. What was even more amusing was how Seokmin used the past tense. Yet why hadn’t the revelation surprised him? Maybe it was because Seokmin was in on a prank. To think Mingyu could have just let him walk away. Of course not.

It was time he made it known that he wasn’t some fool to be trifled with. He didn’t care if Seokmin had nice eyes and a beaming smile. The boy was stepping close to a fine line.

“So what was Tzuyu then? Did Mingyu ever introduce you to her?” Wonwoo replied, crossing his arms.

There it was, Seokmin thought. Finally, Wonwoo was showing that he cared, even if it was harsh. Not to mention, it was an acknowledgement that Wonwoo and Mingyu really did have a thing. It had to be. 

“Just a good lay I guess. Mingyu only introduced his girlfriends.” Seokmin shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

“ _ Only _ his girlfriends?” 

“Except for the casual hookups.”

There was that word again, Wonwoo internally groaned. 

Jungkook could only laugh at how easy Seokmin could expose Mingyu’s record, unaware of how Wonwoo’s world was crumbling more and more. 

Wonwoo knew he had past girlfriends but he didn’t expect the guy to throw his virginity away left and right. Every knew thing he learned about the football player seemed to get worse, but he wouldn’t let himself get dragged into the pit that was Mingyu’s own faults.

“Well, Wonwoo’s values for sure don’t align with Mingyu’s. If he even has any.” Jungkook scoffed.

“Values?” Seokmin arched an eyebrow. He let out a breath as he turned to Chan who looked just as perplexed as he was. He returned to look at Wonwoo questioningly. 

“What are  _ your  _ values?” 

Wonwoo’s lips curled slightly, impressed that someone bothered to ask the question.

“What are my values? It’s a long list but I’ll tell you my fundamentals. Reason, self-improvement, self-interest and responsibility are  _ my _ values. And that means not getting absolutely smashed and then going off to bang some chick you barely know. I’m not much for alcohol and getting laid anyways. I’m a bit of a prude, but you don’t have to be like me to hate the things that Mingyu did.” 

“To you?”

“To my image of him.”

“And yet you’re still sour about him?” 

“No, what makes you think that?” Wonwoo asked, deciding not to stay on the topic of bashing Mingyu for his flaws. Seokmin was the football player’s best friend of course.

“Because just by talking about him it seems like you want to get revenge on him. Really bad.” Seokmin snickered.

Wonwoo sighed.

“I’m not a vengeful person and I don’t have the time either.”

“You have the time to keep crushing on him though.” 

He snorted.

“You’re the one who called me over here. If you wanted to trap me well fine- you trapped me. Go ahead and laugh if you want, I’m glad that I’ve been able to add value to your life.

Seokmin’s expression faltered.

“No- I. I wanted to fix things. I guess I was just trying to test and see if the thing between you and Mingyu was real.”

“Mentioning Tzuyu’s name isn’t fixing anything.” Jungkook gritted.

“I was just fishing for a reaction.” Seokmin said, putting his hands up as the leash Wonwoo was holding Jungkook by seemed to be loosening. 

“Great, my best friend’s a matchmaker and someone I barely know thinks he’s a mechanic and can fix things for me. Someone told me once that if someone walks out of your life then let them go. And I walked away from Mingyu. I don’t know why everyone’s trying to get me back to being friends with him. I’d be compromising my own integrity if I did so. You must all have investments in our friendship if you’re all this bent on getting us together. So let me tell you one thing, no one’s going to play me like a puppet in life. I play my own strings. I’m the unmoved mover here. It’s called free will.”

The whole room seemed tense, frozen in time but melting under the heat of Wonwoo’s eyes.

Seokmin felt too bad to speak, delegating the job to Chan who was more than happy to oblige.

“Seokmin didn’t mean to upset you, sorry about that. He just has a different way of trying to help. And forgive us for our ignorance too-” he stopped, chuckling over his words. “I know it’s none of our business but we just wanted to help, you know, sort things out. Mingyu’s our friend and we know that you still care about him, just because he’s a human being and all. And we know you aren’t friends anymore but we also know someone doesn’t simply stop being friends. You still gotta have some ounce of concern for him. Right?” 

“I’d rather not comment.” Wonwoo said blankly although it came out more choked and strained. Like he was holding it all in. His voice had an edge of shyness to it, but it was dark.

“Well, if you did, we want to know what we could do to help?”

Wonwoo’s face muscles didn’t change, nor did he look at Jungkook for support. Rather, his eyes grew more intense, as if Chan had the audacity to intervene when he hadn’t asked him to. The boy was precious and innocent, but he didn’t like how he now suddenly had to become Mingyu’s attorney. 

“First thing’s first, I don’t think me being concerned about Mingyu as a human being is enough to start a help session. Mingyu would have to want to be friends with me again. And I won’t compromise. I won’t pretend as if the things he does are things I totally support. I don’t want to feel dishonest with him and myself for not standing for my beliefs and telling him what I think is right and wrong. I won’t cave to anyone on that. I’m not going to suspend my own judgement or dismiss my own values just so I can make someone happy. Because it’s not them that counts. It’s true friendship, it’s love or whatever you want to call it. I’m not going to be friends with someone just because they are nice and funny. It’s because I think they have something that’s a value in my life, that makes my life better. And like Jungkook said, it won’t work out. Doesn’t matter how much I wish it would. And yes, that’s right, I wish it would.  _ I am _ concerned about Mingyu, and not just because he’s a human being. But because I think there’s something about him... It’s- I’d need a lot more time to articulate it but I know what I have for him is real. It’s right. Not because it feels that way, but because it works that way for me. Love isn’t just a feeling for me, I’ve thought and dissected it. I really know it’s true and objective. It’s just that, it won’t ever mean Mingyu feels the same way. I believe everything you’ve seen, but it- it doesn’t match up with what he’s told me.”

Perhaps by emptying out all of his secrets, he’d no longer be vulnerable. No one could humiliate him or take away anything if he simply didn’t care.

“More like what he’s  _ done  _ to you.” Jungkook spat, looking at Seokmin and Chan angrily. He wasn’t angry at them really, but rather at the fact that they hung out with the school’s biggest dickhead. 

“You can tell us Wonwoo, we want to help.” Chan replied, frowning.

“If anything is going to help, it’s Mingyu getting his act together. Don’t worry about me, I’m working on myself too but it isn’t a one way street.”

“We’ll give Mingyu a good talking, we got you.” Chan nodded.

Wonwoo closed his eyes as he clenched his fists. His cheeks became hollow and his jaw locked.

“Aren’t we at an age where we should be able to recognize our own mistakes once we make them? I’ve recognized mine and I’ve made sure not to make them again. That’s why I think it’s unfortunate that a guy like Mingyu has to be lectured like a child.”

“He’s only eighteen.” the shorter boy replied, looking up at Wonwoo as if he were begging for mercy.

Wonwoo let out a breath.

“It’s funny how we all go to one of the most prestigious colleges on the planet yet some of us still don’t know how to use our words, nevermind common sense. But then again, we’re here because our parents paid for us. What else could I expect? I guess my view of people is wrong. I guess we should all just accept subpar, lousy, indecent human beings as our friends then, just like how this college accepts them.” 

“Wonwoo-”

“I’m not telling you what to do or anything and I don’t want you to be dismayed by what I had to say. But I wanted to put that out there. It’d be great if Mingyu and I could be together, but on our own terms. You guys would make excellent mediators and diplomats, I know it. It’s just- I’d like to see Mingyu make a move, if he really wants to be friends that is. Thank you for wanting to help though. You guys are the exception.” 

Seokmin’s face dropped.

“I don’t know whether to be touched or sad.” he pouted.

“I’m not either of those.” Wonwoo laughed. “What’s going on isn’t a sob story.”

“But it is, it’s more than that. It’s a tragedy if you want me to be honest.” Chan protested.

“And a disaster.” Jungkook added, looking firmly at his friend. “Yout told me everything about what’s going on with your friends. It’s tearing them apart.”

“Because they all stuck their noses in, like you’re doing now. That’s why if you’re here for entertainment you should stop where you are and leave, before it spreads.”

“That’s all the more of a reason to stop this right now. We need a big intervention!” Seokmin said, shaking his hands for emphasis.

“Shhhh!” the librarian scolded them, giving them a good and hard stare before going back to her crossword puzzle. 

“Someone needs to step in.” Seokmin continued, staring intensely into Wonwoo’s eyes as he said it. And he meant it.

“You’re only going to make it worse. Mingyu’s going to be provoked.”

“But you're letting this whole thing fester inside you. I barely knew you a few minutes ago but I could already tell something was eating you up inside. Put your trust in us Wonwoo, c’mon. This isn’t a prank or a pity party either. Have faith. Let someone else take the wheel. Looks like you’ve been driving forever and you need to rest.” Chan smiled faintly.

Wonwoo wanted to break out in laughter but since he was a polite person he refrained from doing so. It was just too funny. Mingyu was supposed to be his driver. That had been his plan after all.

Jungkook stepped closer to and in front of him, leaning his head to the side to look at him.

“Won. You want to be happy don’t you?” 

What kind of question was that?

He wanted to, didn’t he?

But life isn’t about wanting something, he thought, It was about being something. But he knew none of his answers would satisfy anyone. It didn’t matter if his friends ‘wanting the best’ for him meant that he’d have to go against his own principles. It was like a mother wanting the best for her son but in doing so, she ended up harming him more than helping. But that’s not why he was rebelling against his friends. It was because his life was his own and he wouldn’t stand for anyone stepping in to tell him what to do. A helping hand was rather a cleated boot, ready to crush any ounce of resistance from an individual’s soul in the name of doing what’s best. And since it was his own life to live, he wasn’t going to give his life up to passion and romantic fantasy. Jaehyun was right after all, he needed to grow up. 

Wonwoo lowered his eyes and considered the question.

“You want to be happy?” he whispered to himself. It didn’t sit right with him. There was something about it that didn’t make sense. Life couldn’t be reduced to only a few simple words. Life was greater than that.  _ He  _ was greater than that, for it was not happiness that he seeked, but greatness. It didn’t mean becoming God Himself, but admiring him, exalting him, contemplating the beauty that was inherent in wisdom. Philosophy. 

He shook his head as he looked up at Jungkook. The look on his face may have been tired, but it wasn’t carefree. It was knowing and sure; a look of pure certainty.

“That’s not my purpose in life.” 

Jungkook lowered his chin, unamused.

“And who told you that?” 

“No one did. I learned it on my own.” 

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed and a pained look crossed his face. Wonwoo knew that it was a look of misunderstanding, but after all, who really understood him? 

**_"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."_ **

**_\- George Orwell_ **

Jungkook didn’t get it.

“Wonwoo.” he breathed, trying to come up with the right words. He looked at the black-haired boy in front of him, the same boy who liked to listen to the radio with him and go get coffee together. The same boy who had a lot of witty things to say. Who made himself laugh in the face of tragedy…

Who was the boy in front of him now? Where was his friend?

“What’s really going on? I- you always seemed ready to face life and pursue your passion. But now, you seem… cynical. What happened to- I mean- was there anything that happened that you want me to know about? I think it’d help things if we were all honest.”

Wonwoo simply shook his head as he checked the clock on his phone.

“No.” he mouthed glumly, but there was a curve to his lips that suggested he was all fine and dandy.

“I have to get to class. Thanks for talking.” he added, face expressionless. Chan and Seokmin smiled lightly as Wonwoo spun towards his friend.

“C’mon Kookie, today you’re walking me.” he finally smiled, finding it funny how his friend looked at him like his soul had been stolen.

As they exited the library he stopped them, turning around to face his best friend.

“I’m not really comfortable enough to start spilling things, but I promise when I’m ready I’ll tell you. And it will be the whole story.”

In the whole story, what happened with Jaehyun was only a section of a chapter. 

“Just promise me if it’s too much to handle you’ll tell me right away?” Jungkook pressed.

“Kookie it’s not even that bad, it’s just adding context. What do you think-”

Jungkook shoved his pinky finger in his face, shutting him up instantly. 

A warm smile grew on Wonwoo’s face, finally making Jungkook’s day.

Wonwoo wrapped his own pinky around it and they swung it side to side.

“I promise.” he nodded.

V

Mingyu muttered under his breath, not wanting to get up from where he was sitting. He was laid back in his seat as the professor told them that since he was leaving campus, they’d all be relocated to another class. 

The room began to empty as the students filed out into the hallway, heading to the West Wing of the building where he assumed was the empty room they’d be sitting in for the rest of the period. 

“Dude must be getting some ass or something. This is literally the third time he’s done this.” Kai shook his head as he laughed at the thought.

“Bruh.” Mingyu looked at his friend as if he was joking. “He said he had to go pick up his son from the airport.” 

“Yeah right.” Kai snorted. “If you were really a bro you’d know the code words.”

“Shut up, I’m more of a bro than you. I wasn’t the one who fucked Baekho’s girlfriend.”

“Bruh.” 

Mingyu smirked, pushing his friend to the side.

Kai went flying past a girl who was clutching on to her binders and books for her dear life. The shorter boy’s shoulder hit the wall as he stumbled, causing the girl to stop with wide eyes.

“Dude, you almost caused me to crash into her.” Kai groaned, rubbing his shoulder.

“Sucks that you aren’t strong enough to hold your ground.”

Kai spat out his breath.

“You’re lucky I’m not your enemy.”

“Oh yeah?” the taller eyed him. “I bet Jaehyun could really use you on his team.” 

“Boi, what are you talking about?” Kai lifted an eyebrow.

“You and Jaehyun both have an interest in Wonwoo, don’t try to hide it.” Mingyu smirked, although he didn’t like the thought of anyone having eyes for what was his.

_ Wait _ . 

He was supposed to have gotten Wonwoo out of his head but he guessed the distance he had put between them wasn’t working.

“Buddy, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Yeah I’m sweet on Wonwoo but you don’t have to come for me like that man.” Kai chuckled. “Besides, Wonwoo dumped Jaehyun so-”

“What’d you just say?” Mingyu growled, grabbing the back of Kai’s neck, stopping him in his tracks.

“Ow!” Kai winced, hunching over slightly at the uncomfortable feeling. “Jaehyun and Wonwoo aren’t a thing anymore!” 

Kai’s shouting prompted the students in front of them to look over their backs to watch what made him sound like a wounded animal.

Some of them shook their heads or rolled their eyes as they saw it was because of Mingyu. Everyone knew about the break up too so it wasn’t anything interesting that was going on.

“Fuck.” Mingyu groaned to his friend’s confusion.

“Bro I thought you’d be happy. You can finally tap that ass now.” Kai smirked.

Mingyu grinned, not really because he wanted to do what the other just said, but because now he actually had a chance. Besides, Wonwoo’s ass did look good that morning.

_ Damnit. _

He cursed himself for messing up. He was also not supposed to be thinking about that kind of stuff either. 

“I am, I just don’t believe it.” Mingyu chuckled.

“Ahhhh there he is.” his friend nodded proudly. “You’re still into him. Like badly into him.” 

He shrugged.

“Maybe.” 

“Fuck out of here. The whole school knows you got a thing for him, just as they knew JaeWon ended.”

“The hell did you just say?” Mingyu mumbled, looking at his friend like he had grown two heads. “You actually call them that?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“I don’t.” Mingyu arched an eyebrow. “Man.” he sighed. “I’d fucking kill just to have the whole school call us Minwon.”

Kai grimaced.

“That just sounds like you are crazy twins with super powers or something who talk and do everything at the same time.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Whatever. It’s still sad how you didn’t know until now. Where the hell was your head buried, Tzuyu’s ass?”

He punched Kai in the shoulder.

“Fuck off. I’ve been talking to a new girl now. It’s not serious but it’s more real than the thing with Tzuyu.”

“I didn’t know you could talk to girls.” Kai snickered.

“Says the guy who hasn’t had a girlfriend since junior year.”

“Dude, don’t change the subject. This is supposed to be the best day of your life. Forget that other chick and drop everything you’re doing.”

Mingyu gave him a look.

“Something’s up bro. You just said you had a thing for Wonwoo. What’s your secret plan?”

Kai put his hands in his pockets.

“You’re the only one on campus who can score a date with Wonwoo and bang him too. I was thinking I could get seconds. Just to put it on my record. Wanna do me a solid?”

“You’re messed up dude.” 

“Yeah well I don’t cheat on my crushes.”

Mingyu huffed.

“Only your friends though right?” he replied sarcastically.

“Exactly.” 

Mingyu ignored his friend’s obnoxiousness, deciding that he’d stick to imagining how Wonwoo would look if he surprised him. If anything, it was one of his rare emotions, not that Mingyu had gotten to see much of him before things went downhill. Before  _ he _ pushed them downhill.

Getting Wonwoo to smile wasn’t something he wanted to do to make up for his own mistakes. It was more than that. He wanted to make Wonwoo happy just because he wanted to. It was his own selfish goal, not something that he was guilted or forced into doing by his parents. This was his objective, his happiness. It was Wonwoo’s after all too, he just needed to get to him first.

But how?

Then he remembered.

The Fall Dance was this Friday. If he just had the guts to ask Wonwoo out…

Who was he fooling?

He didn’t even have the courage to utter a simple apology and now he expected himself to go above that and ask Wonwoo to the dance?

_ Expectations? _

Just who was expecting him to do so if not himself? He tried not to forget that it was he who a moment ago had told himself that Wonwoo’s happiness was his own goal and his to achieve. Even if Wonwoo was waiting for him, he couldn’t simply do things because of other people’s needs. Their needs weren’t his, like their achievements were his and his weren’t theirs. 

He just needed to change his mindset, focus on a little self-improvement and hey what would he know? Wonwoo would be sitting on his lap in no time.

Well, maybe not exactly as he thought of it. But either way, it would be a big win. 

He ignored the thoughts in the back of his head that were trying to surface but he couldn’t stop them from coming to him. 

Why was he going after the person who he had sworn to distance himself from? Was he that pathetic that he’d go after Wonwoo just because he was single now? Did he have no integrity left?

Oh, right. He had lost it all on the day he decided to get with Tzuyu.

He tried to observe his surroundings in an attempt to distract himself partially, and partially because he didn’t know where they were. 

The walk across campus was nerve-wracking at the most. The sound of everyone’s shoes tapping the tiled floors was the only thing that could be heard and it was driving him insane. Too bad Kai didn’t have anything else to talk about. 

“Hey, where are we?” Mingyu eyed his friend, a look of confusion etched across his face.

As soon as they turned the corner they were confronted with two rows of pedestals with marble busts of people’s faces on them. It could have been the art department but he didn’t remember it being that far out of the way of everything else. The wing they were in was a secluded area and was really quiet too. Perfect for thinking to oneself. 

Wait.

“The Philosophy department I think.” Kai replied, looking around at all of the posters on the walls. There was a large hutch that was built into the wall on the right side, encased by a wide glass window pane. If it were near the locker room it would have been a glass case of all their trophies and team pictures. But the thing up ahead was filled with pictures of what he assumed to be items from all of the different subdivisions in philosophy, ranging from Greek, Chinese, and Ethiopian. He assumed the painting of a man with a long beard inside the casing was Plato since the book Wonwoo had left in his room had the same picture.

Then he noticed the cards that had been folded to stand up, displaying all of their names.

Plato’s name card also displayed a short summary of their information which read that he had been the first Greek philosopher to hold that true knowledge could be attained through reason and that one must see through the shadows of the world to know the underlying reality. 

Wonwoo hadn’t even spoken about Chinese philosophy so the name Confucius wasn’t familiar. Considering that his beard was even longer than Plato’s Mingyu assumed that he was wiser. According to his name card he was known for his six virtues as well as his take on how individuals and societies should exist. The next one over depicted a man who looked rather young in comparison to the others but was just as warm and inviting. His name card read “Zera Yacob” an Ehtiopian philosopher who brought Ethiopia out of religious mysticism just as Descartes had vanquished medieval skepticism in Europe. Apparently he was responsible for laying a foundation for knowledge through critical examination and method rather than simple “intuition” and taking things for granted. Everything had to be grounded in something.

Interesting.

“Yo, look at all these heads.” Kai called out to him, gesturing with his hands to come and see the busts of what he guessed were more old guys on pedestals. 

“Is that real marble?” Mingyu asked. “How could the school afford it?” 

Kai looked at him with an unimpressed expression.

“Bruh. That’s the question you’re gonna ask?”

Mingyu blew out a groan.

“Fine, who’s the guy. I don’t see a name tag.” Mingyu asked, leaning down slightly to look for one.

“No idea.” Kai snickered.

“Then why’d you-.” He stopped. “Whatever, I just wanna sit down, c’mon” 

“Wait, I know this guy.” Kai said, pointing to another marble bust.

“Is it your grandad.” Mingyu snorted, looking around the hallway disinterestedly.

“No it’s you in the future.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense buddy.” 

Kai huffed.

“Bro we’re in the philosophy department, nothing makes sense.”

He had that right.

“And his name is Protagoras if you want to know.”

“How  _ do you  _ know anyways?” 

“I took a philosophy class in high school. My teacher said something about Protagoras saying that we can’t know what something truly is, like, it’s all subjective and depends on the person or whatever. I don’t know, it’s been a while.”

Mingyu smirked.

“Yeah sometimes you sound so dumb that I forget you actually went to high school.”

“And I’ll just forget you said that.” Kai shook his head. “Where are we going anyways. This walk has been going on forever.”

“Right up there.” Mingyu said, pointing to where the students at the front of the group began to turn into a classroom. 

“Is there a class going on in there?”

“What?”

“I hear a guy talking.”

And then suddenly it hit him. It would have been the tenth time he cursed that day. If it turned out to be Wonwoo’s class he swore- 

“Yeah it’s-“ Kai was about to confirm Mingyu’s fears when a girl interrupted him.

“Shhh.” She shushed them from the doorway, quickly walking in and disappearing.

“Bitch.” Kai muttered.

He couldn’t laugh, not because they were told to be quiet, but because the situation was that serious. He was only a few steps away from possibly seeing Wonwoo again up close. The revelation minutes ago was already surprising enough. Why couldn’t the universe give him time to plan and think clearly without having to make it extra hard and uncomfortable for him? He guessed he deserved it.

Mingyu grimaced as he stepped into the room. It was as if he had been dreading a surprise party. 

It was an amphitheater of some sort with curved rows ascending upwards as one got to the back. The first thing he noticed though was the professor standing at the chalkboard all the while talking to his students with his back facing them. Before he could bother to make out the professors handwriting his eyes turned forward as he walked up the steps to get to the back. They weren’t steep but they were tall enough to provide each row of students an unobstructed view without anyone’s head getting in the way. 

Speaking of heads, Wonwoo stood out like a bright star in a galaxy full of millions. Except, now that he thought about it, he was more of a black hole, drawing in us attention so much so that his eyes couldn’t escape. His lush black hair was messy in the front but was cut perfectly along the sides and back of his head, the mark of a sharp-minded and analytical person. His shoulders were raised but not tensed while his back was curved slightly in his seat but not in any manner that suggested laziness. It was as if Wonwoo was in heaven, except his heaven was being in the classroom. Yet something about the way Wonwoo moved his pencil back and forth in the area between his thumb and index finger told Mingyu that the black-haired boy was a little unnerved. Unlike the other students, Wonwoo hadn’t even noticed him as he walked in, being too immersed in whatever the professor was going on about. But it was more than intrigue or passionate engagement. Just by the arch of Wonwoo’s eyebrows, the way one of his eyes opened more and how his lips curled to one end, Mingyu could see that the shorter was perplexed, no… annoyed. Wonwoo had that look of someone who found something distasteful, rejecting it outright. Maybe whatever the professor was saying didn’t sit right with him. He knew the shorter boy was an opinionated person after all.

“Dude, he’s right down there. You see him?” Kai whispered with a mischievous grin. They were too far away for anyone to hear them but the professor gave them a look of suspicion anyways.

“Who? Wonwoo?” He asked, following his friend's line of sight.

“No, Hulk Hogan. Dumbass, who do you think I’m talking about?” 

“Yeah, I know.” Mingyu huffed.

“Then why aren’t you sweating? Or nervous? Aren’t you supposed to be in love with him?” 

Mingyu groaned.

“I’ll do all those things when it gets to that point. It’s not like Wonwoo likes me anyways. Why work yourself up for no reason?” He shrugged.

Kai pursed his lips, looking down at his phone while Mingyu turned his attention to the chalkboard. He wasn’t even in the class but he felt like wanting to learn. All thanks to Wonwoo being in the same room. 

As the professor stepped to the side he could see the green board clearly but he struggled to read the handwriting. It went something like: 

**_Man experiences reality_ **

**_Reason can be applied to experience_ **

**_Therefore, man gains knowledge of necessity_ **

The professor waited one moment to let the sentences sink in. His eyes scanned the room twice for good measure.

“Now, can anyone tell me what is wrong with this syllogism? That is, according to Aristotle’s laws of logic?”

Wonwoo gave the rest of the room time to answer but the professor’s expression only grew more determined.

“Hmmm?” he hummed curiously, clasping his hands behind his back as he scanned the rows.

“Anyone besides Wonwoo.” he sighed, loosening his shoulders in defeat. After a moment of silence, the blank stares of the students switched to intrigue as Wonwoo raised his hand.

The professor titled his chin, challenging him.

“Go for it.” he said, crossing his arms.

Wonwoo nodded to his professor and spun his pencil on the pads of his thumb and index finger as he tried to think of how to answer the question. 

“Well, you can’t have something in your conclusion that wasn’t in any of your premises. That’s what makes it illogical. 

“That’s correct.” the professor said bluntly, looking above the lenses of his glasses to read the chalkboard. “Please explain Mr. Jeon.”

“Neither ‘reason’ or ‘experience’ appears in the conclusion, thus, the conclusion is invalid. It’s like saying Socrates is a man, all men are mortal, therefore Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo.”

The older man nodded silently.

“Yes, what a very interesting example you used there Wonwoo. Hume and Kant agree with you.” He smiled. “So the main problem that David Hume posed was the idea that one cannot arrive at knowledge of necessity from experience or reason. Both only tell you what  _ is  _ the case, not what  _ must _ be the case. For example, Hume would say that when you hold an apple in the air and let go of it, you  _ could _ observe that it drops, but your eyes don’t tell you that it  _ had  _ to fall. What if it was just a coincidence?”

“But what about causality? Don’t all things have a cause?” a girl in the front row asked, scratching the side of her head.

“Do they though? How could you be so sure?”

The girl put her pencil on her her lip, looking up at the man with a look of disbelief.

“Well, doesn’t science prove that things have a cause?”

The professor chuckled.

“Oh but you see, science is based on the idea that things have a cause that can be rationally explained after making observations, experiments and inductions. Simply put, Hume says that science can’t prove causality exists because science is based on it. You can’t prove something with itself. Everything has to be explained.”

Wonwoo raised his hand.

“But mustn't we take certain things as a given. For instance in logic. We can’t expect ourselves to be able to explain everything. Some things must be taken for granted or else we would not be able to know anything at all. If it weren’t for Aristotle’s law of non-contradiction: that a man who is six feet tall cannot be a man who is four feet tall  _ at the same time _ , then we wouldn’t be able to identify what is or what  _ isn’t  _ because they’d all be contradictions. Thus we can’t expect that we can break everything down infinitely. The laws of logic don’t need to be explained. They just are.”

The professor looked caught off guard and retreated to his textbook to find an answer that would disprove Wonwoo’s argument. 

“Ah yes, that brings us back to what I said before. In your example, Hume would say that you cannot prove that the laws of logic are right simply by using logic. Just as you cannot prove an observation by simply observing.”

The professor licked his finger and flipped the page.

“Now, we have the dominos example. Let’s say you set a whole row of dominos up and then you knock one down. What would you observe?”

“The dominos knock each other over.” a boy said softly, knowing he was already wrong even before he said it.

The professor took delight in the boy’s ‘ignorance’ and nodded profusely.

“Yes, but is that really what’s happening? Was the domino you knocked over really responsible for knocking down the others? Or was it a coincidence?”

Mingyu tried not to laugh.

The answer was obvious that it wasn’t a coincidence but everyone in the room simply shrugged or grimaced, not knowing what to say anymore. Except for Wonwoo. The black-haired boy sat there as if he had been doing so for hours. Yet he wore a confident smile, chuckling to himself as he watched all of his fellow classmates have their brains fried by the absurdity of their professor.

“We know that the dominos knocked each other over because of causality. We observed it.” the girl from earlier continued.

“Observed it you say? Have you ever observed causality? Or experienced the law of causality itself?

“No.”

“Then how did you arrive at the conclusion that things have a cause?” 

“I used reason; my mind integrated my experiences into concepts. If I observe something happening over and over again, I can induce that something is causing the other thing. Therefore, from using reason, I have formed the concept that things have a cause.”

“But that’s not directly experiencing something, is it? And experience is what provides knowledge. So if you have to apply reason to your experience that means that you do not have a direct connection to true reality.”

“Yes, I suppose.” the girl thought for a moment. “But what if knowledge of what must be the case isn’t solely dependent on experience. What if you  _ can _ apply reason to your experience in order to prove that certain laws are real and true?” 

“Ah yes, we come back to the invalid syllogism I put on the board. What doesn’t appear in your premises cannot end up in your conclusion. Thus, Hume is right when he says that you can’t get a  _ must _ from an  _ is _ . Experience and reason can tell you that an apple had just fallen, but it can’t tell you that it had to fall.”

“Then how can we know what is necessary and has to happen? Like, what about gravity? We don’t experience gravity in itself, we only experience its effects on things. So what about that?” the girl asked.

“Hume says that we can’t and won’t ever know.” the older man smiled, unfazed by the looks of dismay on his students faces.

“And then we have Immanuel Kant.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes, prompting his professor to chuckle and look curiously at him.

“Mr. Jeon? I thought you would have been a big fan of him? He’s very much a protector of religion.”

“Yes, but not in a good way. Not if you take into account the consequences of his philosophy.” Wonwoo groaned.

“Oh nonsense Mr. Jeon, he’s a nice man, look at him.” 

The professor activated the projector, showing the class the bane of Wonwoo’s existence.

“I have to hold myself back.” Wonwoo muttered to himself, wrapping his arms around his torso. He had a much more unflattering image of the guy. 

“Mr. Seo, I think the next image is more flattering and depicts Kant accurately. Wouldn’t you think?”

The older man furrowed his brows, tapping his keyboard to show the next image.

  
  


“He looks like a rodent.” Wonwoo snorted. 

Despite being far away, Mingyu could hear it, chuckling at how Wonwoo could make fun of such a serious subject. 

Wonwoo was right, the old guy really did look like some kind of rat.

The professor huffed, burying his head back into his textbook.

“Now since we have become warmed by our rosy-cheeked friend, let me give him a proper introduction. Born in Prussia in 1724, Immanuel Kant was the man who combined David Hume’s empiricism with the school of rationalism most notably represented by Rene Descartes. He has made contributions to physics particularly in putting forth the Nebular Hypothesis which explained the formation of the solar system. He has also proposed theories on education and politics, but he is most known for his revolutionary metaphysics. His philosophy is known as Critical philosophy since his books are mostly critiques. He is dominant in all branches which he has systematized and integrated into a massive web that is very intricate and detailed. Hence why he is very renown.”

“Now Mr. Jeon, since you seem to have prior knowledge of the modern world’s greatest philosopher, why don’t you tell us how Kant solved Hume’s problem?”

Wonwoo knew that the old man just wanted to torture him. He rested a hand on his cheek as he stared out into blank space.

“He concedes that if experience is the foundation of knowledge, then we cannot know anything, and that reason is useless for knowing things such as universal principles and laws like space, time, and causality. Instead of relying on experience alone, or applying reason to experience, he creates a third option which he calls the Categories. They’re pure concepts in our heads that directly correlate with entities in reality which he calls ‘the thing in itself’ or in German, ding an sich. Rather than depend on experience to discover the law of causality through science, he says our minds ‘create’ the idea of causality in our heads in order to make sense and integrate all of the events that happen in the universe. Through our faculty of sensibility - a process that Kant says takes place in our mind - we can gain knowledge through intuition. We don’t need to think in order to discover time and space, we already have the concepts built into us. 

“And how does he make the distinction between ‘the thing in itself’ and ‘the thing as it appears to us’?”

“He would simply ask someone if they had ever been inside of gravity or if they were merely observing its effects on the physical world. The main problem is knowing something  _ in itself  _ or knowing it  _ as it appears to us _ . Thus he creates two realms, one which he calls Phenomena; the world of appearances, and the other Noumena; the world of things in themselves or simply put; true knowledge and reality. He believe that the things in the Noumenal world cause the things to exist in the Phenomenal world. Our intuition basically acts as a bridge between both worlds. He says we are aware of stimuli such as photons, chemical energy, or mechanical energy that make contact with our sense organs, but once they do make contact they become distorted by our minds which process and filter them. Kant argues that our minds are not passive receivers of information and therefore we cannot know directly reality as it really is, only appearances. In that sense he’s a Platonist.” 

“Very good Wonwoo-

“So basically Immanuel Kant is saying that even though one has eyes. they’re blind. And if one has ears, they’re deaf. His idea that because our conscious has an identity; or a specific means of perceiving something, we therefore must not know reality as it really is. I just don’t agree!” Wonwoo continued, holding out his arms as if he was the only one who wasn’t crazy.

Mingyu liked his enthusiasm. He never would have thought the class would be entertaining. He could get used to watching Wonwoo swing his hand as he spoke. It drove him insane just watching Wonwoo bite the tip of his pen as the words of the professor went through one ear and stayed there. From an angle he could see how Wonwoo’s focus was directed at his professor. A look of bitterness had characterized his face. It made him wonder what it would be like to have Wonwoo down on his knees giving him little bites as he gave him head. He’d be standing over the black-haired boy, playing with his short black locks of hair as Wonwoo looked up with hatred at him. He could imaginine himself fucking the hatred out of him just as Wonwoo sucked it from him.

Wait what? 

What the hell was he thinking? He knew being in the same room as Wonwoo was a bad idea. It really was the punishment he deserved. 

“Please Mr. Jeon, what are the flaws in Kant’s philosophy, if there are any.” the professor snorted.

“And try your best, no one’s judging.”

Wonwoo chuckled.

“Well to begin with, the problem originated with David Hume so we should start their first. Science may not be able to prove causality like he thought. But science and causality both rely on logic such as the law of identity or the law of excluded middle. If an entity  _ is  _ what it is, then it has an identity and a specific nature. And objects act according to their specific nature. So if you drop an apple, the apple’s mass is more than the mass of the air surrounding it. Therefore it  _ must _ fall.”

Mr. Seo hummed.

“You make an excellent point Wonwoo however I am afraid it falls short. Logic can only tell you so much before it becomes useless. That brings us to our next topic. Kant’s Analytic-Synthetic dichotomy!”

“Great.” Wonwoo muttered, gnawing on his pen as the rest of the class began to scribble furiously on their papers, jotting down every small detail in the hopes of understanding what just happened.

The professor continued.

“Kant distinguishes between two types of knowledge, analytic, and synthetic. As you may have guessed, analytic knowledge is attained through an analysis of the concepts in a statement. For instance: ‘all brothers are male’ and ‘triangles have three sides’. Now, how would you ascertain that these statements are true?”

Mingyu decided to go for it.

“I know.” he said, raising his hand. It was pretty easy if one asked him.

“Yes, Mr.?” 

“Kim Mingyu.” 

Wonwoo’s eyes widened at the sound of the boy’s deep and husky voice and he was only further enraged at the sight of the football player when he spun his head around to glare at him for interrupting.

“Well Mr. Kim, you’re answer?” the professor gestured.

“Oh yeah. It’s kinda obvious aint it? Just go around and test every brother and see if they are male. It’s called science, am I right?” the football player said smugly, crossing his arms as he sat back in his chair.

The whole room erupted in laughter, even Kai who hadn’t even been listening until Mingyu decided to open his mouth. 

“Yo, are you stupid?” Kai asked. “Even I knew that one buddy.”

His expression contorted into anger and confusion. Why the hell did everyone take it as an opportunity to put him down? If it had been any other day and any other moment, no one would have dared to mock him. They’d be sent to the hospital. But he’d let them jump on the bandwagon. Just this one time they could have their laugh.

Except, Wonwoo wasn’t laughing, nor did he have a look of pity on his face. Mingyu looked down and across the room at him with a glare, challenging him to laugh at him and join the rest of the group. But the black-haired boy wasn’t tempted. He didn’t want Wonwoo’s amusement nor did he want his sympathy. He guessed it was his lucky day since Woonwoo granted him a soft smile. It wasn’t beaming with enthusiasm or pride that he was here. Rather, Wonwoo looked as though he enjoyed Mingyu’s presence for once, like any answer he could have given was precious and that he’d cherish it. Wonwoo would always support him and be there for him, even if they weren’t on good terms. It was like they were married, but instead of cringing at the thought, he melted.

Mingyu’s shoulders relaxed and his expression changed to a confident and toothy grin. He didn’t know what came over him, and more importantly, he didn’t realize Wonwoo was starting to blush until the shorter boy whipped his head back around to hide it. If only Wonwoo could look at him like that if he asked him to the dance. 

Before he could slump in his seat at the thought of making Wonwoo blush, the professor cleared his throat.

“That’s enough class. Mingyu’s answer was very creative.”

“And it was more than what any of you could come up with.” Wonwoo snapped, eyeing the rows of students who had participated in the laughing-fest against Mingyu.

Mingyu could hear Wonwoo’s classmates breath hitch as the black-haired boy glared daggers at them. What did he do to earn Wonwoo’s support? The kid was just too stupidly in love with him he supposed. But then, why the hell was he nervous about asking him out if that was true? Life was just full of contradictions and he needed Wonwoo to sort them out.

“Hume would say that the trouble with testing a brother to see if he’s male would be needing to know whether they were male in the first place in order for them to be a brother. You see? So what is the solution.”

Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak.

“You’d need to analyze the definition of brother in order to validate the statement. Hence why it’s called analytic knowledge.”

“Very good. Now as for synthetic knowledge. That relies on experience for validation. If you say that ‘the triangle is green’ you cannot solve it analytically. ‘Green’ is not an essential property that is contained in the definition of ‘triangle’, therefore you’d need to see for yourself whether the triangle is green.’

The older man went on.

“To sum it up, analytic knowledge is tautological; it is repetitive and tells you what you already know through ‘intuition’. Hume would call them ‘relations of ideas’. Most of all, you can be certain that an analytic statement is true but it doesn’t tell you anything about the actual world. Synthetic knowledge on the other hand tells you something about the world or what we would call a fact. However, the big issue is that we cannot be certain that it is true. After all, experience like Hume said, does not tell us anything in a way that we could make predictions about the future.”

“Mr. Seo.” Wonwoo interrupted. “Don’t you think it’s sneaky what Kant is doing? He’s arbitrarily selecting what essential properties are and grouping them into categories of knowledge that is ‘uncertain’ and ‘certain’. I don’t think his dichotomy has any merit. It’s simply a product of his own order of concepts. Kant says that the statement ‘ice is a solid’ is analytic, but then he goes on to say that ‘ice floats on water’ is a synthetic statement. It seems like he’s picking and choosing what’s contained in the definition of ‘ice.” I think he is logically inconsistent at least, and at most, intellectually dishonest.”

The older man held his stomach as Mingyu raised an eyebrow.

Everyone else was frantically flipping through the pages of their textbook, trying to find where Wonwoo had ‘gotten the answer’. Heck, Wonwoo didn’t even have his book in front of him. All Mingyu could do was look at him in wonder, questioning how Wonwoo had the space in his brain to remember all that stuff. Was he trying to ruin the professor’s career and image?

“Wonwoo please, no character assassinations! Try not to let your views obstruct the objectivity and unbiased view of my teachings if you could.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes as Mr. Seo turned to the chalkboard. 

Meanwhile, a devilish grin appeared on Mingyu’s face and he called out to the front of the room.

“Yeah Wonwoo, don’t let your views obstruct the objectivity and unbiased view of the professor. Not cool.” he shook his head.

Wonwoo cringed at him, craning his neck to show his distaste. But he could see the playfulness behind his stern face, unknown to anyone but him. The hour may have been filled with philosophy jargon and a bunch of noise coming from the professor, but it was Wonwoo who spoke the same language as him. After all, they shared the same soul. At least, that’s what it felt like whenever Wonwoo smiled at him. But it was more than just a feeling. His love for Wonwoo involved the entirety of his being, not just his emotions, but a more sophisticated sense of life he had and how he wanted to share it with Wonwoo. Even if he wasn’t fully aware of it. But he felt that it was there, even if it was unintelligible. 

Not for long though. Not for long. 

He needed to get to Wonwoo and explain to him everything. Only by being close to him could he be heard loud and clear. With the Fall Dance only days away, he hoped that the old adage rang true; that actions really did speak louder than words. Words weren’t enough for Wonwoo, not even the most well-thought-out poetry or a song. He needed to show that he was sorry, he needed to kiss Wonwoo. Not out of burning passion or emotional guilt, but out of loving commitment to him. It would for sure mark a new day for them and a new start for him as a person. Besides, Wonwoo needed someone to kiss him, it was obvious. And only he could be that someone. It was not arrogance that compelled him to think that way, but that fact that he couldn’t sacrifice his only true love to some other brute like Jaehyun. Wonwoo was too good for that. He deserved more. 

Mingyu only hoped he could fix everything by Friday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the walk from the classes was so long lmao. 
> 
> I hope no one's dismayed or feels hopeless. Things have been really dark but soon they'll get lighter.
> 
> AND OMG
> 
> I've been thinking about Meanie's baby names heeeeeheeeeheeee.
> 
> The mpreg and adoption part of this story is still a little ways away from what I've written so far but I assure you, the last half of the story is gonna be like 75% FLUFF. The sweet gooey kind hehehhe.
> 
> ALSO: ya'll know how I'm trying a new crush-loss diet called 'get over Mingyu' so I'm trying to distract myself with Jackson Wang and Kai from EXO and uhhh. WHY IS KAI SO GOOD-LOOKING?


	34. Apollodorus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to say that most of this chapter is light-hearted and happy FOR ONCE. Yes ik I have been torturing you for 10+ chapters but it's all part of the plot lmao. Also the beginning of this is just a flashback, Mingyu needs help with his smutty thoughts haha.

//////////////////////////// A week earlier /////////////////////////////

“Hannie?” Chaeyeon said softly. There was an edge to her tone as if she expected him to give her a good answer.

“Is Mingyu ever going to realize I’m right here… waiting. With open legs, and an open mouth-”

“Oh my God.” Jeonghan groaned. “Do you want him to take you to the dance or do you want him to take you to bed?”

“Why can’t I have both?” Chaeyeon snickered. “He’d look good in a tux and with nothing on. Have you seen those hands? They could-”

“No and I do not want to imagine anything when I’m currently in a relationship. And this is a tip - not that you asked for it - but maybe it’ll help by setting the bar low. That means not fantasizing about him and being realistic. You need to set tiny goals if you want to feel successful.”

Chaeyeon gasped.

“Wow Hannie, finally you say something helpful.”

“What do you mean?

“I don’t know.” she rolled her eyes. “You’ve just been saying ‘yea okay’ and ‘do what you want’ for the past few days. Now it sounds like you actually care about Mingyu and I being together.”

“I do.” Jeonghan nodded.

It didn’t click for her.

“Why the sudden change? And I thought Mingyu was getting on your nerves?”

“He was, and still is. But now I think I’ve learned that this is what’s best for him. You guys would fit perfectly with each other.”

It was a lie but it was the only lie he could ever tell.

Wonwoo was now with Jaehyun. If anything, the hangout at the bowling alley sealed the deal. They hadn’t come to school that day but he could only imagine what they were doing. He hoped it wasn’t anything they’d regret and that they were taking it slow. But in the end, he just wanted Wonwoo to be happy. That meant, getting Mingyu to stay away from him. Chaeyeon was the perfect person to do that. It didn’t matter if Jaehyun took Wonwoo’s virginity, and if Wonwoo was reluctant to let him. Jeonghan would approve of anything so long as Wonwoo belonged to someone who wasn’t the school’s biggest dickhead. Finally Wonwoo could be free with Jaehyun, and Mingyu could be off their backs, getting all the ass he wanted from Chaeyeon. That animal. Hopefully Wonwoo would see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mingyu was no good and he didn’t care if it broke Wonwoo’s heart for him to see it. The long term results needed to be weighed against the short term.

Sure it would be a sad day for Wonwoo when Mingyu and Chaeyeon start dating. But it needed to be considered within the grand scheme of things that he’d finally be free from his delusional fantasy.

Jeonghan knew best.

“Hannie.” Chayeon cooed, “I’m glad I have your support, I needed it. My friends are nice and all but they aren’t as wise as you.”

It made Jeonghan think. If it was really wisdom Chaeyeon was seeking then why was she going for someone so brainless? Maybe Wonwoo wasn’t the only one delusional here but he couldn’t let the fact that Chaeyeon was misguided stop him. Chaeyeon’s emotions had to be sacrificed. That’s simply how things worked. It was a dog eat dog world and ignorance was fatal. He may have felt bad if his motive for misleading Chaeyeon was weak, and his reasons for doing so were unjustifiable. Yet they weren’t. Even if they were, the ends always justified the means, and in this case, the end was Wonwoo. It was Wonwoo’s happiness that was on the line here.

And it was his responsibility that was also on the line. This petty war between Mingyu and Wonwoo had led to violence and deceit.

Yet Jeonghan was not to blame for anything. He may have been orchestrating things and maneuvering people, but the only one who bore the burden of accountability was the person they were doing this all for, the person that could end it all. Maybe, if Wonwoo could just give Mingyu what he wanted; forgiveness, then maybe there wouldn't be a war.

But that was asking the impossible. Wonwoo had explicitly stated that Mingyu didn’t know what he was being forgiven for, nor did he seem to have any genuine regrets. He was simply doing it because he missed his company. Besides, the football player had wanted him to compromise and that was something Wonwoo would never do, even if it tore them all apart.

But It was all for Wonwoo.

Jeonghan could sacrifice his happiness and his friends' happiness, for the sake of another. Right?

“Hannie, if you want to set the bar low then we have to consider one thing. If it’s a long time relationship then the first step we need to conquer is spending one night with him. Baby steps, am I right?” she giggled.

“Josh better throw another party. I need a lot of opportunities to work with.” she added. “Also we need to go shopping. Even if it’s cold outside I can still put on a show. Wink wink.”

The blonde closed his eyes.

“Chaeyeon you’re going overboard. You don’t need to play ‘show and tell’ with your body parts. Just wear a sweater that highlights your figure. Sounds much better and much warmer.”

“Hannie you’re a sexless human being, aren’t you?”

“I’m glad.”

“How many guys have you had sex with?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

How could this girl be so shameless? Did she have any class?

“Chaeyeon! What is with you? Keep your voice down when you talk about those things, oh my God.”

“What? If anything people will respect you for how high your body count is.” she rolled her eyes.

“Well too bad because I had sex with nobody. I’m saving myself for S.Coups, who, by the way, actually doesn’t mind that I’m a sexless human being thank you very much.” Jeonghan smiled, closing his eyes as he made a popping sound with his lips.

“Mingyu liked someone who wears turtlenecks who also wears glasses sometimes. He’s a big reader; bookworm, you get the idea. So I’m just saying, looking like a stripper isn’t everything.”

“Well, I could never be like that. Who could? And I will not wear a turtleneck. Ew. And forget being a four-eyed freak, no man has ever put his hand up my skirt looking for a library card. But enough about that. Tell me- tell me how the hell a nerd got my man’s attention?”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but spit out the breath he was holding.

“Chaeyeon, I’ll help you and all but never call a guy who isn’t your man, your ‘man’. Kapeesh?”

“Yeah whatever, just tell me.”

Jeonghan pursed his lips.

“He isn’t anyone worth being named. Mingyu just had a tiny crush on him, no big deal. I simply thought it would help you and your mission to know that he isn’t all about the bass.”

“Oh really?” she looked at him as if he was kidding her. “What the heck Hannie, what if that was the only exception? What if he actually liked this person a lot, enough to forget that they weren’t popular, and was ugly…”

“I didn’t say he was any of those things. Just because you like to read doesn’t mean you’re some kind of outcast.”

“In my book it does.” Chaeyeon snickered. “Now who are you really trying to help, that nerd you told me about or me?”

“You of course.” he huffed.

“Then we need to start brainstorming and- wait…” a sly smile characterized her face. “Don’t think I forgot.”

“What?”

“You need to tell Mingyu that I’m single and ready to mingle. And please shove it in his face this time. The fact that the Fall Dance is coming up and he’ll need a date.”

Jeonghan sat up straight, crossing his arms as he pondered Chaeyeon’s demands.

“I guess. That is, if I can get to him before he does anything stupid.”

Suddenly, both their heads darted to where they could hear Sehun signaling that it was break time.

“Actually scratch that, I think I’ve found my opportunity.” Chaeyeon hummed to herself.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because Mingyu’s coming over here.”

“With S.Coups? But they hate each other now.” Jeonghan replied, furrowing his brows.

“No, he’s coming alone. For me.” she whispered, struggling to contain her excitement.

“Just don’t do anything too fast.”

“Alright, mom.” she rolled her eyes as she walked to the edge of the guard railing. Looking down onto the field she spotted her favorite football player treading towards her.

“Hey Gyu bear.” Chaeyeon called out to him, making sure to display her polished nails on the chain link fence for him to admire. “Come up here and sit with us!”

She expected Mingyu to at least glare at her for a couple of seconds but he simply let out a huff, looking down to watch his own footsteps as he made his way to the stairs. She didn’t miss the smirk he gave her though. It was the kind of smirk that drove her insane. It made her wonder how anyone could be a sexless animal, not when so many triggers and the tiniest things could set her off. Especially when Mingyu knew those triggers yet he didn't even know her.

She leaned on the fence, lowering her back as if she was simply resting on it. But as Mingyu came up the stairs he could see what she was doing and his face only became more smug. He admired her body just as much as he admired how shameless she was. Chaeyeon was practically sticking her ass out for him while giving him a profile view of the way her back arched and how her chest protrude out from her upper body. It wasn’t like he genuinely was attracted to her, rather, he was forcing himself to be. It may have been worked if he put the effort in, but it didn’t help when images of Wonwoo kept popping up in his head. Frisky and questionable images. Things that he wouldn’t ever reveal to his parents, not even the guys on the football team.

Whenever he looked at a woman like Chaeyeon, his mind was running on overdrive. It wasn’t because of arousal or because of hormones. It was the fact that his mind wouldn’t let him look at a woman. Only Wonwoo. In a way it was like his mind was protecting him, but in the process, it’s suppressing behavior was making things worse, causing more unwanted thoughts to pop up in his head. It was replacing something that may have been sexy with something even more sexier; the outline of Wonwoo’s body, his dark but inviting eyes, the way they closed halfway in such a light-hearted manner when he knew he was really a deep person. Those lips of his always curled and twisted in ways that expressed every emotion, so much so that one never had to wait long to know what Wonwoo was thinking. The things those lips could do besides explain to him why Romantic art was superior. He wanted those lips wrapped around him, to be numb and plump when they let go. He wanted to trace his finger across them, to tell Wonwoo that he was a dirty slut as he spat on him. He’d laugh at the sight of someone like the princess Wonwoo was being treated like a whore. It wasn’t just because he got off at the thought or was turned on by it. It was revenge. Wonwoo thought he was a pure little angel, but really he was just as dirty as the rest of them. He wanted to show Wonwoo that there was no use in fighting temptation or standing for his own values. He’d never find someone to love if he thought like that. No one was perfect enough for him. And it wasn’t like Wonwoo was perfect either. He was dirt, a piece of meat that all the guys wanted. And it was his fantasy to show him that that was a fact.

But then...

What was he thinking?

It wasn’t him, no, he’d- he’d never want to do that to Wonwoo.

Were his fantasies really his fantasies, or were they something coming from the darkness of his unconsciousness? Was it just hormones? Or was it the Devil manifesting himself in the form of desire and thirst for revenge?

It was just like that moment on the steps to Josh’s house. Those thoughts- those urges he had- they weren’t his. They were taking him over but it wasn’t really him thinking all those things.

But why had he let them?

Because he was afraid of what Wonwoo would think of him knowing he had all these thoughts.

He should have realized it by now but whenever he tried to distract himself from Wonwoo, the lust he had for the black-haired boy came back ten-fold. Suppression of these thoughts was the real issue, but venting them and getting them out by rolling around in bed with Tzuyu or Chaeyeon was not the answer. But he wanted it to be the answer and he wanted it to be easy.

Wonwoo would have been ashamed to have known him. The black-haired boy never took the easy way out. He guessed that’s why they weren’t friends anymore. And that gave him reason not to care anymore. He could do what he wanted. Wonwoo wasn’t there to be disappointed in him. Without Wonwoo, anything went; it was a free-for-all. The shorter boy wasn’t his anyways. After all of the wishy-washiness he was still going to go with the flow. He was simply an animal, having no long term plan and doing everything according ot his primal instincts. He was simply consumed my his own emotions. He was the product of them. He could switch from loving to hating the Wonwoo or when he was not doing either of those he was simply in contempt of him. Better yet, Wonwoo was the exact opposite of him and it didn’t take someone as stupid as Mingyu to realize that love between them wouldn’t work out. But that wasn’t why he did things.

Mingyu didn’t do things because they worked or because they were practical. He did it because he felt like it.

That was the major distinction between their egos. Wonwoo certainly had an ego, he was proud and he had a sense of identity. It was his and he had made it himself. As for Mingyu, well, he had an ego too. But it wasn’t rational or goal-oriented like Wonwoo’s. It simply did what it wanted to. It was arrogant more than proud, and it got its identity from petty things like claiming to have slept with a number of girls or being a better athlete than S.Coups. He got his identity from the things that didn’t count, that wouldn’t matter on the day he died. The only thing that would stay with him and haunt him for the rest of the life was the fact that he could never have Wonwoo. Not because of some stupid feud between them, but because he’d never be able to look at him like the innocent angel he was. He would never be able to look at himself either after knowing what he did. And Wonwoo was that mirror. Wonwoo was the reminder.

But what end did Wonwoo serve? What meaning did Wonwoo bring to his life?

Did love end with Wonwoo? Or was there more to love than simply calling Wonwoo his own?

So long as he did things on a whim; so long as he went with the flow, he would never be truly redeemed. He needed to find a purpose to fight for, he needed to act on his own reason. He needed to think.

Yet thinking was hard. It required an active consciousness, a will, focus and all those other things. Man wasn’t different from other animals until he chose to think over going by his instincts.

But Mingyu was an animal. He didn’t choose to be. He just didn’t choose to think. And maybe, choosing to think and act on his love for Wonwoo would be the biggest compliment and the greatest show of love for the black-haired boy, even greater than asking him to a dance. He would give anything just to talk to Wonwoo about his feelings. Those were the moments that counted. Yet if he really did open up, Wonwoo would know just how much of a monster he really was; the things the sight of Wonwoo had made him want to do to the angel. The things he had been doing were just as shameful. Wonwoo had been clouding his head every night when he was alone in his room, salivating at the thought of the black-haired boy laying underneath him, looking at him with desire through the sweaty sex-induced haze that had engulfed them. In his own world, Wonwoo was his, even if it wasn’t true in reality.

Maybe that’s what ruined him. His imagination. If only he didn’t have one, then he wouldn’t be flawed. Then Wonwoo would have probably stayed with him. But then, who wanted to love a robot? Who wanted to love someone who was perfect, with no personality, with no identity, with no mind of their own?

He just had to let it out. His mind was driving him insane and Chaeyeon just looked too good to ignore. He had enough with the craziness and the stress of everyone getting on his case for his mistakes. He didn’t want to be responsible, he didn’t want to have a goal because only then would it end in failure. He just wanted to be an animal because- only as an animal would he be blameless. After all, it was his nature. It wasn’t like he had a choice.

Chaeyeon turned to look at him, noticing that Jeonghan had S.Coups take him to buy something to eat. She watched the couple walk towards the other end of the stadium and down the ramp towards the front where there was a snack stand. It made her think how clever her blonde-haired friend was, taking S.Coups away from any trouble that could have sprung up between him and Mingyu, as well as getting her alone with the football player.

She saw that the boy was now looking at her like she was embrewed in some sort of scandal. Maybe he was just looking for her attention and was disappointed to see that she was too busy watching S.Coups and Jeonghan leave rather than notice him enter the walkway.

Mingyu had his helmet in his hand, allowing her to see the tufts of brown hair on his head soaked in sweat. He was still slightly out of breath but she liked to think that it was because of him seeing the sight of her waiting and looking ready for him, even if they were out in public.

But as a ball of sweat rolled down his cheek she caught sight of a small light purple patch on the side of his face. She wondered if it was acne but then realized as he got closer that it was a bruise.

“Mingyu. What happened to your cheek?” she grimaced, walking on the tip of her feet towards him like a cat on its paws. She would have said something that was flirtatious if not for the fact that she never really planned ahead of things.

Mingyu put his free hand in his shorts pocket, a small and barely noticeable smile forming on his face.

“Just got in a fight.” he replied bluntly, not even paying attention to her hand as it came up to touch his cheek. He simply stared into her eyes, trying to drown in them, trying to escape in that abyss. He never would have thought he wanted to be in it so much as he did now. He deserved to go to hell. He didn’t deserve to be happy. Sex may have felt great but it never kept him satisfied for long, not when he could keep going and going. It was a punishment. At least he could feel good about that. Wonwoo just needed to know that he was suffering without him. That would be even better.

Chaeyeon’s eyebrows fell and she frowned.

“With who?”

“Nobody.”

“Well they got you pretty hard.” she said, caressing the mark with her finger.

Mingyu had enough, using his gloved hand to grab her wrist from where it was next to his chin. He looked down at her with an annoyed expression. There was a glint in his eyes that told her however that he was taking amusement in her effort to flirt with him. It told her that she was pathetic.

There was a semblance of a smug grin on his face but it was subsumed in the bath of contempt he had for her. He hated her. Yet at the same time he was trying hard to find her attractive.

She could tell he was struggling with something. But she was too enamored with his handsome face and the bad-boy vibe he was giving off to really dig deep and investigate. Besides, she didn’t want to know Mingyu’s soul as much as she wanted to know his body on top of hers.

“It was nothing. If anything you should be more worried about the other guy.”

“Oh trust me I am.” she giggled, breath hitching at the sight of Mingyu’s large hand wrapped around her wrist. She shrugged it off as Mingyu just being playful, setting her sights on the way Mingyu’s mouth formed into a smirk of dark amusement.

“You look like you pack a punch.” she said, trailing her eyes along the veins on his arms and the way his biceps bulged as he held her wrist. “By the way, you can let go of me now big guy. I’m harmless, really.”

He let go of her, letting his arm fall to his side as he towered over her.

“Are you? Why are you here anyways? I know it’s not just to watch me play.”

Chaeyeon’s devious smile fell in an instant.

“I-” she paused, “I didn’t know you were this up front about things Gyu. I took you more of the subtle and charming type.”

“I don’t need charm and subtlety to get what I want.” Mingyu grinned, falling for the distraction.

She smiled nervously, clasping her hands behind her back and leaned away from him as she felt his hot breath travelling down her chest. She wanted a bead of sweat to roll down his cheek, off his chin and land on her. It was what she imagined him to look like when he was pounding into her.

“Is that so? Then why don’t you have a girlfriend? I figured someone like you would have a girlfriend clinging onto you, especially with those arms. Who doesn’t want a guy who works out?” she laughed to herself.

“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend.” Mingyu huffed, chuckling slightly as he watched her go back a step, caving under the weight of his presence.

“You’re not taking anyone to the Fall Dance? That’s pretty sad.” she frowned, crossing her arms as she pursed her lips.

“Yeah well I’m not into anything with strings attached. I like my freedom.”

“Who said anything about it having to be an actual relationship?”

Mingyu smirked, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

“You’re a girl so I assumed you were into committed relationships and all that emotional stuff.” he snickered.

Chaeyeon looked scandalized.

“Me? I never said I wanted a relationship with you. You actually thought I wanted you to take me to the dance? Please.”

“Sorry but you kinda gave me that impression if you want me to be honest. Maybe I’m just too used to every girl falling for me.”

“Maybe. But I mean, I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that.” she giggled, holding her hand to her mouth as her shoulders bounced slightly.

“Why?”

She rolled her eyes.

“You need me to spell it out for you?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Mingyu shrugged.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I’m not, I just need you to enlighten me.”

“Well let me put it this way, I would totally say yes to you if you asked me to the dance. Not that you were into those things anyways. Dances are for sophisticated people.” She scoffed, crossing her arms while turning to the side.

“And what am I then?”

She chuckled to herself, looking down at his large feet before bringing her eyes up to his long and sculpted abdomen; his six-pack bulging through his jersey, up to his broad chest, and then to his warm but well-defined face that could intimidate anyone who wasn’t as persistent as her. Mingyu may have shaved that morning but if she looked close enough she could already see a light patch of stubble growing back in the form of a mustache. Chaeyeon narrowed her eyes, focusing on the light patch of stubble and how it made her shiver. She wanted to feel his mouth against her skin.

Her eyes fell on the bruise on the football player’s cheek and she felt like praising him for coming out of the fight as the winner. It was like it was a scar of victory.

Then their eyes made contact and she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to be answering his question.

She twisted her body from one side to the other, biding herself time as she thought of an answer.

“You’re a barbarian.”

Mingyu chuckled.

“Is that bad?”

“Not in my opinion. I’m not in it for the charm and romance anyways. Like you said, I’m all in for having a good time.”

“Same goes for me. But if you want romance and fun I’m not the right guy for you. Romance doesn’t cut it for me. I have my own needs.”

“How do you know I can’t fulfill them?”

Mingyu shook his head, smirking down at her.

“No one can. They weren’t meant to be satisfied anyways.”

“Well who’s stopping you from finding someone who can?

“I am.”

“But you can’t be so sure that no one can. You have to try the shoe on and see if it fits. Don’t you?”

Mingyu internally laughed.

“I thought so too but then I realized that I’m not trying to find the right one. I’m just looking for someone to have fun with.”

An escape.

Chaeyeon laughed.

“I really thought you were gonna say you were going to stay a virgin.”

“What makes you think I’m a virgin?”

“Well you don’t have the guts to actually ask me to the dance. I figured your lack of confidence is because you just haven’t gotten it on with someone yet. I know a lot of guys and enough about them to know that their self-esteem runs on how many girls they can get with.”

“And you think not asking you to the dance is because I lack self-esteem?”

“If you want me to put it nicely? Then yes. There’s certainly something there. All I know is that you’re the first good-looking guy who hasn’t asked me to go in the janitors closet with them.”

“Maybe I’m more sophisticated than you thought I was.”

“That doesn’t explain why you aren’t eligible to bring me to the dance.

“What if I just don’t want to ask you?”

“Then I’d say you’re crazy.”

Mingyu crossed his arms and stepped closer to her. He was about to make a retort when a flash of realization crossed Chaeyeon’s eyes.

“No…” she paused. “You’re just playing with me. That’s what gets you off huh? I knew someone like you would want their prey to come to them and not the other way around. You’re smarter than I thought.”

“Gee, thanks. I wish I was as smart as you made me out to be but I just have one thing on my mind all day. It’s not as complex as it seems.”

“What is it?”

“What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, I’d have to dumb myself down and get inside your head to know. Let me guess, is it getting on my nerves like you are now?”

“No, it’s getting fucking laid. Can’t a guy just get what he wants around here?” Mingyu snickered, prompting Chayeeon to narrow her eyes.

“And wait, I’m getting on your nerves? You seem pretty flustered right now if you ask me.”

Chaeyeon clenched her teeth but her lips were sealed shut as she held in everything she wanted to say to him. He knew all of the buttons she had on her. She wondered if his knowledge was even more extensive when it came to pleasure spots on a woman’s body. Of course someone like Mingyu would know. He knew everything even if he pretended like he was dumb. That was how he lured her in now that she thought about it. It was so characteristically Mingyu. And for that, she wanted him to take her badly.

“You’re full of yourself.” Chaeyeon snorted. “I guess personality doesn’t count as much as looks then. If all you had was your personality then I doubt I’d still be talking to you right now.”

“Glad I made it on your radar then. I must be that handsome right?”

“Enough not to make me break your nose.”

Mingyu chuckled.

“Wanna bet? The guy I fought barely could put a dent in my face.”

“And yet he bruised you.”

“Well, I had to give him something to feel good about. I didn’t want to destroy the guy that bad. Besides, at least everyone knows who won the fight.”

“True. At least you proved your bite is actually worse than your bark.”

The football player huffed.

“Oh yeah? What have you been doing then? Have you been just trying to rile me up or do you really want something? If you do I don’t think you could handle it.” he smirked.

“I’ll have you know I do everything because I want to. I can handle anything. I can show you.” Chaeyeon smiled all the while narrowing her eyes and tightening her cheeks.

Mingyu grinned.

“Alright, then I think you could handle a rejection can’t you?”

Chaeyeon’s face contorted partially into an expression of confusion as well as a scowl. Where was he going with this?

“What?” she asked, spitting out the words like food that tasted disgusting.

The taller laughed at her response. It was more than a tease. It was like foreplay to him. However he was trying to reap the most from it. Anything that could make him excited could distract him enough from Wonwoo. At least, that was what he thought. But then he remembered that he was just an animal. That he didn’t have a plan or even a scheme. He did things because he could and wanted to. And making a fool out of Chaeyeon was something he could and wanted to do.

“Sorry princess, but I’m not in the mood for used pussy anyways.”

II

////////////// Present ////////////////

They were on the walkway which connected the stands above to the field below. The same walkway where he had held Wonwoo with his hands around his waist, guardian him from Jaehyun. And the same walkway where he had dishonored that moment merely by deciding to talk to Chaeyeon.

The girl wasn’t a cheerleader but she was known among campus nevertheless. He wondered if it was because she took a lot of guys home with her or if her makeup skills were just that on point that it was impossible not to admire and recognize her. She did stand out among her friends who were sitting next to her, almost as if it was for dramatic effect. It worked either way as his eyes settled on hers as he reached the top of the stairs.

Mingyu knew she had been sitting there, but not so confidently as last time, especially after the joke he had made about her. That was the only time they really talked. Their friend groups mingled of course but were never connected in a way that would allow them to talk more other than smirk and eye each other. They merely crossed paths in the cafeteria or the hallway when their classes got out. Even if Mingyu had made it clear he wasn’t letting her off the hook just yet, the football player had been off and on with her. Teasing her every moment he could but then acting as if he didn’t care about her. He’d bite his lips whenever she walked by, he’d wolf whistle, he’d even nod and smirk at her as if by simply existing she was making the world a better place. Or maybe, a hotter place. But Chaeyeon had stopped making attempts to talk to him, much rather opting to enjoy the shower of attention Mingyu gave her even if it was only little things. She was happy to wait for him whenever he came around and called her up to let off some steam, but that day hadn’t come. Perhaps until now, when Chaeyeon decided that she would initiate contact once again. But he didn’t expect her to go all out and act so desperate. That was why he was stunned to see that Chaeyeon and her friends were sitting with his buddies.

It may have looked as though he had decided to tease her more by ignoring her presence which she had worked so hard to make known. She even sat with her legs crossed, one over the other with the flexibility and poise of a supermodel. Not even Tzuyu and her background as a cheerleader could compare. If he wasn’t trying so hard to distract himself from Wonwoo he would have never noticed those flawless legs of hers. But he was only reminded of the images that flashed through his mind at night; of Wonwoo straddling him. Yet he didn’t look away simply because he wanted to tease her, or because every time he saw her Wonwoo blocked his view with what he imagined was the beauty of Wonwoo’s nakedness. But because, that afternoon, he found out that he had a chance to make things right. And he wasn’t going to ruin that one chance he had left.

He was glad to be met with the faces Seokmin and Chan, and he was even more confused as to why the girls from the library were sitting on both sides of Chaeyeon. Had they planned this?

Maybe Seokmin was just tired of him of being in a daze and thinking about Wonwoo so much so that he’d go this far to set him up with someone. Yet Seokmin didn’t know the news of course.

Mingyu didn’t know whether to be grateful or angered at the fact that someone thought they’d be able to replace the love of his life. As if he could really call Wonwoo that. By now it didn’t mean anything. It sounded more like an overused trope than an actual belief when he said it to himself like that.

After all, believing in something meant nothing if he didn’t act as if it were true.

“Seokmin? Chan? You guys finally made it. But I kinda would have liked it better if it was an actual game guys.” Mingyu chuckled, patting the side of Chan’s shoulder with a gloved hand as he fist-bumped Seokmin.

“As much as we think you’re the team’s most important asset and want to support you, we actually came to tell you something.” Seokmin said, leaning back and resting his elbows on the step behind him.

“Someone die?” Mingyu snorted, jerking his head back as he observed the both of them with a confused but playful look on his face.

“Just Wonwoo’s heart.” Chan answered this time.

The taller’s eyes narrowed.

“What do you know about Wonwoo?” he asked, tone more questioning and suspicious of the information they held on someone who - he had to admit - was still in his heart. It hit too close to home and he looked at them as if they had just threatened to blackmail him.

Before Chan could raise his finger like the ‘know it all’ he was, he was interrupted by the squawking noise coming from the girl’s mouth a few feet across from them.

“Mingyu aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends? And what about you Seokmin and Chan? You didn’t tell me the star footballer was right under our noses.”

Chan looked at her and tried not to cringe, already suspecting that something was up between her and their friend.

“You wouldn’t know since your neck is literally caked in perfume.”

Seokmin whipped his head the other way towards his shorter friend, arching an eyebrow.

“Weird comeback but okay.”

“And you would know that how, Channie? I thought you were sweet and innocent.” Chaeyeon raised her eyebrow. Her eyes shifted towards Mingyu, hoping to find an ounce of curiosity on the taller boy’s face but there was nothing. He didn’t care about Chan’s comment, he simply looked annoyed that he had been interrupted.

“Even with the wind blowing I could still smell it on you Chae.” Mingyu snickered.

“Maybe try not to mix Macy’s with Nordstrom.” Chan called out, high-fiving Seokmin.

Chaeyeon gave them dirty looks.

“You guys are so rude. No wonder you haven’t scored a date.”

“Uh, yeah we have.” Seokmin retorted.

“I wasn’t talking about elementary school.”

“Damn ma. You didn’t have to shoot me like that.” Seokmin scratched his head, eyeing one of Chaeyeon’s friends who in reality had been his first girlfriend.

“She didn’t shoot anyone.” Mingyu groaned. “Now what were you saying? I want to know.” the football player gritted quietly, stepping to the side of them to block Chaeyeon from their view and from the conversation.

“Ooooo because it’s Wonwoo?” Chan said, the fake curiosity in his tone was obvious.

Seokmin bumped Chan in the side.

“Have you seen Wonwoo?” Seokmin asked, turning away to stare off into the distance as he bit his lip. “He’s pretty hot.” he said to himself, nodding.

Mingyu stepped forward and bonked him on the head with a closed fist, looking down at him with an agitated expression.

“Get your head in the game dude. Now what is it that’s so important? If you have a crush on him or something I swear I’ll kill you. I found out he’s single now and I’m not gonna let anyone ruin it.”

Seokmin made himself small, wincing at the thought of Mingyu’s fist pulverizing him.

“Actually, I guess you could say it’s more than a crush. Uh, hate to break it to you but me and Wonwoo are dating.”

Both Chan and Mingyu looked at him like he was insane, although Mingyu looked more ready to snap his friend’s neck.

“If you knew I fucking liked him then why would you-”

Seokmin’s hands shot up in defense as he turned his head away from Mingyu’s advance.

“I was just kidding dude! Jesus! All those steroids you’re taking really got you turning into Wolverine. Please don’t go all ‘Hulk smash’ on me. I don’t want to be another statistic!” Seokmin whined, about to cry out in fear.

Chan looked ready to burst out laughing.

“Mingyu, your anger and quickness to jump to conclusions is really inhibiting your skills to discern between truth and falsehood. I suggest you improve that.”

Seokmin on the other hand rolled his shoulders back, trying to unlock his joints which had been frozen in fear.

“Yeah thanks for stating the obvious.” he muttered. “But I agree, you gotta work on that. You could always blame Wonwoo though. We know he makes you go ‘Hulk smash’ on anyone who even looks at him.”

“The cookie does that you know.” Chan whispered.

“Coo coo for the cookie.” Seokmin sang, slapping his friends' knees as they leaned in and laughed into each others’ chests.

Mingyu only scowled.

“You guys aren’t even funny and Wonwoo’s a boy, so.”

Seokmin gave him a skeptical look, as if he knew Mingyu was lying to himself.

“Are you sure?”

Chan nodded.

“Yeah he’s turning a lot of guys gay. I mean- not saying that I’ve been converted.” he corrected himself, holding his hands up to show that he wasn’t a threat.

Mingyu laughed to himself.

“It’s alright. I know what you mean.”

“Do you, do you indeed?” the shorter boy taunted him.

“Yeah, of course I do dumbass, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Now tell me the thing or else you’re gonna meet my two best friends.”

“What? I thought we were your best friends?” Seokmin gaped, an expression of dramatic betrayal already creeping up on his face.

Mingyu held up his arms and curled them to show his biceps.

“Not for long.” the football player smirked, pretending to kiss them.

“Alright alright, but we’re gonna need to move this to somewhere less public.” Seokmin said, pursing his lips as he eyed Chaeyeon and her entourage staring at them inquisitively.

“Whatever, thanks for wasting my break.” Mingyu huffed, putting his helmet back on. He really missed that time that Wonwoo had put it on for him. It felt like it could be their tradition if he hadn’t screwed things up.

“Oh you won’t be sorry. Wait til you hear this.” Seokmin said with a smug grin.

“Hopefully it’s better and more surprising than the fact that you guys know her.” Mingyu narrowed his eyes, tilting his heads towards Chaeyeon without her noticing. The girl was too engaged in a whispering session with her friends that she didn’t realize that the trio was looking at her like she had committed a crime.

“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Chan asked, furrowing his brows.

Mingyu huffed.

“Couldn’t you tell? She’s fucking thirsty.”

“So she wants the D?” Seokmin eyed him, trying not to laugh.

“No, she wants me to write her poetry. What else do you think, are you stupid?”

“Sorry, the perfume must have gotten to me.” Seokmin rolled his eyes.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Well, you can have her. I’m done with her.”

“What do you mean?” Chan frowned, although he was jumping up and down inside at the thought of Mingyu and Wonwoo having a chance to be together.

Mingyu grinned.

“I guess I’ll tell you when practice is over. See ya guys. Try not to get too many girls’ numbers while I’m gone.”

The football player waved to them as he disappeared below the wall, walking down the stairs and onto the field.

“Mingyu’s such a dick. I changed my mind. Let’s not tell him.” Chan pouted.

Seokmin laughing..

“Nah, he’s always a dick.”

III

“Someone please tell me why in the world Mingyu barely noticed me? And when he did, he had to insult me?” Chaeyeon asked, breath hitching as if she looked like the world had done her an injustice.

Practice had ended and Mingyu had walked away with his group of friends, not even sparing her a glance.

Even if it was the most cliche thing in the world, Somi and Mina looked at eachother, not wanting to be the one who answered. Somi looked as though she would explode if Mina made her do it, thus, the latter composed herself, taking a deep breath, placing her hands on her lap and sitting up straight to confront their friend in distress.

“Yes? Spit it out Mina.” Chaeyeon said, making a rolling motion with her hands. She arched her back to lean over Mina and gesture for her to proceed.

Mina let out a breathy laugh, shifting around in her seat as she tried to make herself more comfortable and less nervous.

“We were in the library and Seokmin was talking to this boy, Wonwoo. I guess he’s the reason why Mingyu’s ex-friend group is having drama. It turns out that-“

Chaeyeon sucked in a breath. She had heard that name only half an hour before coming out of Mingyu’s mouth. She had made sure to listen to the conversation, periodically shushing her friends’ whispering as it drowned out the boys’ conversation. Mingyu had said Wonwoo’s name like someone had threatened the boy. Better yet, like he was a threat to the football player. Yet as their talk changed in its nature, the next time she heard Mingyu utter the black-haired boy’s name, the football player had said it with the utmost care, like Wonwoo was already his possession, and he had all authority and say over anything to do with him. Hence why he was so defensive, correcting his friends and making sure they didn’t step out of line.

It suddenly hit her.

“He’s Wonwoo’s protective brother.” She said, or rather, declared it. It all made sense to her now.

“What?” Somi said this time. She said it with more annoyance in her tone than confusion.

“Oh my God do not tell me that Mingyu is one of those overprotective brothers. I don’t know if I’m ready to fall in love yet because he just got ten times hotter” Chaeyeon said, fanning herself with her hand.

“That’s not-“

Chaeyeon began to talk to herself.

“Yeah right, like he could fool me? He made himself out to be some jerk but he’s really so sweet. Imagine how protective he would be if he was my boyfriend. Don’t make me go there, I literally couldn’t return.”

“Chae!” Somi shouted, clapping her hands.

“Wonwoo likes Mingyu!” she added, bouncing and clapping with every syllable she spat.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes shifted to the movement to her left, watching - still frozen in shock - as Mina shook her head.

“It’s more than that actually. If you were there in the library you would know that Wonwoo is in love.”

Somi put her fingernail to her lower lip and crossed her legs.

“Right, he did say that what he felt for Mingyu was ‘real’. And then he went on and on about- well, I don’t know...his ‘values.” she snorted. “Now I see why Mingyu dumped him.”

“Hold on Somi, it was actually Wonwoo who did the dumping. Remember? Wonwoo was the one who ‘walked away”.

“Oh yeah, sorry. He said a lot back there, forgive my head for not being empty enough to fill it with all that garbage he was saying.” Somi replied, bringing her hands up to clutch her stomach as Mina covered her mouth.

“Like, did he really think Seokmin and Chan actually had the time to listen to his monologues? I’d rather-”

“They were together?” Chaeyeon asked. Her voice was strained but strong enough to get them to stop giggling. She had crossed her arms, her nails digging into them.

Mina and Somi stopped whatever they were doing, realizing that their leader really had it out for Wonwoo. Not to mention, she had fallen badly for the university’s star football player.

Both their hands returned to their laps and they cringed at their own mistake of making such a distasteful joke. At least, that was what they accepted it to be. If they didn’t look sorry enough Chaeyeon was sure to ditch them and find other friends. And they’d be outcasts.

Mina spoke first.

“Our bad, sorry Chae. From what Wonwoo said it didn’t sound like they had been together. But I think they have a vested interest in each other. Otherwise Seokmin wouldn’t have called him over to talk to him, and Wonwoo wouldn’t have stayed.”

“They still do?” Chaeyeon said, to the point of widening her eyes in anger more than shock.

“No no, the most I can say is that they had one.” Mina corrected herself.

“And even that’s a leap.” Somi nodded frantically, putting her arms on her friend’s shoulder as she gave Chaeyeon a gentle smile.

“It better be. I didn’t dress up to look this good today for nothing. Mingyu didn’t even once check me out.”

“Maybe he’s regained his faith. You know, he could be committed to Wonwoo.” Somi shrugged, checking her nails.

“No.” Chaeyeon snickered. “You’re thinking too hard. Mingyu’s always been interested in me. Yeah, call me stuck up and full of myself but it’s true. It’s not like he isn’t interested in me. He’s sneaky and he has a plan. Everything he does I just know it’s because he wants to get on my nerves. He’s doing this to tick me off enough so when he actually comes through and asks me to the dance it will be the greatest surprise ever. It makes perfect sense, especially for a guy like him.” Chayeon snorted.

“Well, how’s that stand up for you. Is that a plausible argument and accurate reading of the situation? She raised an eyebrow.

For the last time Mina and Somi’s eyes darted towards each other. But for once, Somi took the lead.

“I think what you just said makes total sense.” she shrugged, much to Chaeyeon’s enjoyment.

“Perfect. Now all I have to do is wait. And you guys are going to be there and support me all the way.” she said, although it sounded more like a command than a polite and feeble question.

Mina took the nail file out of Somi’s purse and began to file her nails as she curled her lips, dreading the coming days where they’d all be cooped up in Chaeyeon’s room, assuring her that it was all part of Mingyu’s secret plan to ask her to the dance.

She made a sharp inhale to the point where her shoulders locked, and she lowered her eyes to where the nail file was gliding across her fingers.

“Of course we are.”

III

The trio was standing under the bleachers; Mingyu with his arms crossed and leaning against one of the support beams while Seokmin and Chan surrounded him forming a triangle. The sweat in his hair had evaporated in the wind but it stood up in dark spikes. For once Mingyu looked more like a punk than prince charming.

It was slightly cold for him since his jersey was still sweat-stained so he put on his sweatshirt and his hood, staring at his feet as he listened to what his friends had to say.

As the last words came out of Chan’s mouth, he stepped forward, eyes furrowed.

“Wait, run that through me again. Did you just say Wonwoo likes me back?”

“Yes!” Seokmin said, extending his arms in frustration,

“And he told you that himself?”

“Yes!”

Mingyu couldn’t believe it.

“Word for word?”

“For the love of God, yes!”

“Nah, you’re just playing me.”

Chan and Seokmin both groaned.

“Alright, believe what you want.” the shorter boy said, putting his hands up as if he was done with life. “It’s your loss.”

Mingyu smirked.

“Hey, I never said I wasn’t going to stop chasing after him. Fuck, I just started. So my resolve’s pretty strong right now. But I can’t believe Wonwoo actually said he liked me. I mean, I knew he had had something going on that was making him go crazy about the things I did. He was always so whiny and stubborn. And he held a grudge on me for what I did at the party. Plus you should have seen how red he got and I barely even breathed on him.”

Seokmin arched an eyebrow.

“And you can’t believe he likes you back?”

Chan huffed.

“Yeah explain to me that one Kim. You’re off your tree if you think that all those things you said about Wonwoo were just a coincidence. No one is that devoted and that stubborn unless they actually have a crush on you. And you know, I bet it’s not even a crush. He’s in love with you man. Maybe all those concussions are making you stupid Kim, not that you weren’t already.”

The football player snickered,

“Funny, cause I could give you one right now.”

Chan raised his hands up for the one-hundredth time.

“W-wait. If anything you should give us a ‘thank you’. How about that? Ungrateful.”

Mingyu smirked, inching closer to his shorter friend with his fists bawled at his sides. Chan stepped back, intimidated by the taller’s stance.

Before Chan could wince, Mingyu pulled him into a bear hug, picking him up off his feet.

“Thanks man. You’re a real one.”

“Hey, don’t leave me hanging bro.” Seokmin called to them, walking over with his arms out wide,

“I got you dude.” Mingyu chuckled, opening his arm and squeezing the both of them until they slapped his back to let them go.

The football player closed his eyes and punched the air. His palm grabbed his other hand, locking them together as if he were about to fight someone when really, he felt as though he could take on the world. All he needed was the knowledge that Wonwoo truly felt the same love he had for him and that would be it; that would be his answer, that would be the meaning of his life.

He gritted his teeth but couldn’t help but smile like a fool as he said it.

“Jeon Wonwoo fucking likes me.”

After weeks of doubting that Wonwoo could still like him after what he did, he finally had confirmation. To think he was about to mess it all up again with Chaeyeon only an hour before. He would have punched himself if he even acted on the thought. But there was no time to speculate. Wonwoo was and would always be the most important person to him.

“Say that again?” Seokmin said, holding a hand up to his ear.

Mingyu closed his eyes and held out his arms, yelling into the ice cold wind blowing across his face.

“Jeon Wonwoo likes me!”

IV

Mr. Jeon had given him the day off - something unprecedented for an intern - but apparently he had earned it. Even Jimin told him to use it, insisting that he could finish up whatever they had to do. Who knew the team could like him so much considering he was still the new kid. Mr. Jeon was right, his career was really going to soar if he kept up the good work.

But that wasn’t why he was smiling. Sure he had to plan his whole scheme and work every detail out, but in the end all he was brought back to was the image of Wonwoo smiling at him as he handed the black-haired boy a bouquet of flowers. It was funny. All he needed to do was set himself a positive goal and keep Wonwoo’s smile in mind and everything else seemed to fall away like the thorny vines around him retreating back into the ground. What had he been afraid of anyway? The image of Wonwoo was what had made him see reason. Now if he could just make Wonwoo smile like that then-

“Hey! Look out!” he heard Yugyeom call out to him, but he didn’t manage to process the words. Mingyu simply raised his head, seeing a ball eclipse the afternoon sun. He watched it get larger as it fell towards him and then he stuck his hand out over his head, catching it like it was nothing.

“Dude.” Mark chuckled. “You’re supposed to run when the game starts. Do you even know how to play?”

Mingyu furrowed his brows, suddenly realizing he was in his own backyard. He remembered that he was the one who drove his friends home and said that they should play Pickle.

“Bro, what are you talking about. I’m the fucking champ. You don’t know who’s backyard you’re in buddy.” the football player smirked.

“Alright, prove it. Let’s see if you can tag me.” Yugyeom said, letting his hands fall to his sides as he walked towards the middle of the yard.

Mingyu walked past him, bumping his shoulder to work his friend up more. As he got to the white pad they had dropped on the ground to mark first base, Mingyu turned around to scan the other side of the yard where Seokmin was standing. Both Mark and Chan had moved out of the way to allow Mingyu to have his chance at hitting Yugyeom with the tennis ball. He could see Seokmin gulp at the thought of him really whipping the thing that their friend but Mingyu knew Yugyeom could handle it.

He threw the ball over to Seokmin in a perfect arch as Yugyeom made a run towards him. After two more throws back and forth, the goal was to tag Yugyeom with the tennis ball.

Mingyu could throw long and hard but opted not to, deciding to stall and save his energy at the same time by throwing it lightly and high into the air, keeping an eye on Yugyeom and how fast he ran back and forth from between each base.

The final throw came from Seokmin and Mingyu stuck his arm out to catch it. By now, Yugyeom was fleeing towards Seokmin in the hopes that the distance he had set between himself and Mingyu was enough to save him. But as always, Mingyu was underestimated, just as Wonho, Changkyun and Shownu had done so before. And Yugyeom learned the hard way when Mingyu pointed to his back with his index finger, and threw the ball straight at him, not even putting a curve to it. The shot spiraled through the air but no one could admire its speed or spin because it was simply that fast. Before Yugyeom knew it, a thump was made against his back and he instantly collapsed on his knees, groaning in pain as he immediately began to rub the place where the ball made contact.

“Ahhh, fuck!”

Mingyu grinned as he reveled in the sound of Yugyeom swearing about getting him back. However he was too busy gloating to notice the screen door of his house’s porch slide open angrily.

“Language boys! And I don’t want anyone getting hurt. Can’t you guys play normal tag?”

“What?” Mingyu groaned. “Mom, really? Where’s the fun in that?”

Hyuna scoffed.

“You boys have the craziest ideas thinking pain is fun.”

“It will be when I get Kim back.” Yugyeom muttered to himself as he got back up.

“That’s what happens when you challenge the King.” the taller smirked.

Hyuna closed the door behind her, going back to helping Minseo with her homework. Yugyeom turned to give his friend a sly grin.

“Best two out of three.” he said, rolling his shoulders.

Mingyu tilted his neck from side to side, scrunching his nose for a second as he cracked his knuckles.

“Wanna bet?”

Yugyeom let out a breath.

“You’re on Kim.”

Five minutes passed with Mingyu winning the second round. They were on their third when Mingyu whipped the ball so hard it flew past Yugyeom and over Seokmin’s shoulder and smashed the kitchen window.

As the glass fell from the frame and shattered on the sil, Minseo added a dramatic scream for emphasis.

“Mom! Mingyu broke a window!”

The football player groaned.

“Minseo, shut up!”

His sister walked to the open window frame. Bits and pieces were still falling from it as she peered her head through.

“Mingyu come in here and clean this up, my friends are coming over.” she hissed.

“Don’t tell me what to do. I’m the one who earns money to pay for things when this stuff happens.”

“C’mon Mingyu.” Seokmin shrugged. “She’s your sister. Don’t be so mean to her.”

“Yeah well she’s mom and dad’s little angel so that makes up for it. She doesn’t understand-”

“Mingyu!” Hyuna shouted from the second floor window. “I heard that. You better get in there and clean that up right now or-”

“Alright alright! God, what’s wrong with all of you.” Mingyu gritted, making his way towards the porch door before stopping to turn around. “Sorry guys, Mark can fill in for me. Get him good.” he said, nodding towards Yugyeom.

“And try not to break his teeth!”

Mingyu ran into the kitchen, drumming his hands on the walls as he moved towards the closet. There wasn’t a broom or a brush in sight. Only a dust pan.

He made his way back over to the door where there was a row of cabinets behind it that they’d place their shoes but still there wasn’t a broom.

“Minseo! Where’d you put the fucking broom?”

“Mingyu! Don’t make me come down there and smack you with one!” Hyuna warned. Her yell could be heard from anywhere in the house.

The door slid open and he could hear the cackling of his friends who always thought that it was funny whenever his mom yelled at him.

Before he could curse again, he realized that he should have taken notice that the door had opened sooner. He lifted his head up to see Seokmin and Chan slowly stepping through the door frame, eyeing him with mischief painted all over their faces.

“Guys? Don’t they need you out there?” Mingyu asked, wondering how Mark and Yugyeom could play Pickle with only two players.

“It’s alright. They’re already covered. Joshua came. Uh- he kinda broke the top of your fence though.” Seokmin smiled sheepishly.

“How the hell did he do that?”

“You know how he doesn’t like to use gates? Yeah uhm- he climbed over it and chipped a part of it with his foot.”

“You could glue it back.” Chan laughed.

Mingyu mumbled something.

“Whatever, I could just put those woodshop skills I got to good use. High school was good for something I guess.” Mingyu chuckled. He hadn’t missed high school but woodshop class was something he’d do all over again if he could. They didn’t just build birdhouses but finished furniture and learned a lot about wood and tools.

Back then he didn’t think he’d ever be in business or get his foot in the door at least. It made him think. He knew fashion was Mr. Jeon and Wonwoo’s thing. Plus it wasn’t something he’d ever do in his future. And he remembered that he really liked working with drills, hammers and saws. He liked working with his hands in general, not really interested in working at a desk. He’d rather be the boss on a construction site rather than some corporate crony behind a screen. Even if it was naive of him to think, someday - with all the experience he had gotten and the skills he acquired from Mr. Jeon supervising him - he hoped to run his own company. Something with construction, maybe an architecture/construction hybrid. He had big visions after all, even if they weren’t as well detailed or thought out as Wonwoo’s.

It was a new and fresh thought for him. Actually, it was beginning to look like a dream for him.

The black-haired boy was someone who he wanted to live the rest of his life with; to share his vision with. The idea wasn’t romantic, it was what true love was; a kind of companionate love between best friends. Perhaps he had finally discovered the answer to all of his problems but then… he realized Seokmin and Chan were still watching him with those smiles on their faces. It looked like they were about to burst.

“So…” Seokmin said, trying not to laugh. “We finally got you alone man.”

Mingyu furrowed his brows, nodding his head for Seokmin to keep talking but Chan obliged for him.

“So what’s your plan?” the shorter boy asked.

A satisfied smile crossed Mingyu’s face.

“Oh, right. I was thinking Seokmin could pretend to drop the ball, messing up Yugyeom and giving me more time to target him. Then I could-”

“No, dumbass. What’s your plan to woo Wonwoo?” Chan groaned.

Seokmin burst out laughing.

“I don’t know why you had to put the last half of Wonwoo’s name in front of it. Do whatever you want I guess.”

Now it was Mingyu’s turn to laugh.

“Why am I the only one who’s intelligent?” Chan said to himself, slapping his forehead. “Woo’ means get the favor/support of someone, like when you get them to date you?” he added, rolling his hands in the air as he looked at Seokmin, waiting for him to acknowledge that he understood what he was saying.

“Ah, I get it. But dude, you’re a little late though. Cool kids call that ‘hooking up’.” Seokmin chuckled, looking at his friend like he was from the time of Shakespeare.

“Idiot, Mingyu isn’t gonna bang him. He’s asking him to the Fall Dance. Remember?”

As Seokmin was about to scratch his head and apologize for forgetting, both noticed Mingyu looking out the window he broke and staring into blank space.

“I’m not sure about the not banging him part.” the football player said, grinning like he was in fantasy land. A part of him was trying not to drool at the thought while the other part wanted him to slap himself for being so dirty-minded.

Chan did it for him, slapping him on the shoulder.

The football player hissed in pain.

“Dude, I’m a hormonal boy! You’re one to talk, I saw a dirty magazine in your backpack. Remember the camping trip?” Mingyu snickered. “You couldn’t wait til we got back home huh? No wifi must have been torture bro.”

Chan’s face grew red hot.

“That wasn’t me! My grandpa confused my Boy’s Life Magazine with his stupid Playboy!”

He was actually telling the truth. Mingyu knew it but still liked to tease him. Being from morally strict families they only heard about those kinds of things happening.

“At least he isn't married.” Seokmin laughed.

“At least.” Mingyu huffed. He was guilty of being dirty-minded too but he never bought or looked at any of that stuff. That was the one thing he was proud of.

“Whatever guys. It was obviously a deflection on Mingyu’s part to change the subject. I’m not the one who’s love life is on the line. I guess Mingyu doesn’t have a plan after all.” Chan crossed his arms.

“Woah woah woah I’m working on it. Chill. I already came up with step one.”

“And?”

“I need to get on Jungkook’s good side. He’ll tell Wonwoo that I’m a good guy. And besides, never liked Jaehyun anyways.”

He remembered the moment where Jungkook and Wonwoo were talking on Joshua’s back porch. It was when Jungkook had told Wonwoo that he should fight for his life, a life with him. He still couldn’t believe Wonwoo had held onto that piece of advice and still chose to like him. He really hoped it was a choice and not just a simple uncontrollable crush. Besides, Wonwoo wasn’t the type to have a crush. Even if he didn’t fully accept it at the time, when he had pressed Wonwoo against the wall in his room, he knew the black-haired boy had fallen in love with him. But he had managed to bury that realization. Maybe it was because he hated Wonwoo then or was afraid of what he would say if he found out about his problems. He was just glad that he had the opportunity to tell him soon.

“That’s funny. Jungkook was with Wonwoo yesterday in the library, and he uh, kinda hates you.” Chan laughed anxiously.

“Like really hates you.” Seokmin nodded.

Mingyu closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I mean, he should. I probably broke his best friend’s heart.”

“Probably.” Seokmin pursed his lips.

“Dude.” Mingyu stared at him, unamused. “Not helping.”

“What? I’m just doing Wonwoo a favor by rubbing it in your face that you broke his heart. I need to make it hurt- Ow!”

Seokmin rubbed the area of his shoulder that Chan had pinched. Meanwhile Mingyu crossed his arms, watching the both of them glare at each other.

“Don’t worry guys. I’ll figure something out.”

V

He was in his room trying to get some shut eye when he heard the voice of his mother call out to him.

“Mingyu!”

“Yeah mom?”

His mother barged through the door.

“What’s this?” she eyed him, holding up a crinkled piece of paper he had thrown into the garbage. He guessed he hadn’t crumpled it up enough for it not to be noticed.

His mother unclipped her reading glasses from the hem of her shirt and looked down at the paper to read it. Mingyu didn’t bother to stop her. He was screwed no matter what.

“One. Be nice to Wonwoo and compliment him. Two, get his friends to not hate you anymore and support you. Three. Make Wonwoo blush and open up to you. Four…” His mother’s breath hitched, looking up and over the lenses of her glasses.

“Ask him to the dance?” she breathed out, looking at her son as if she were the happiest mother alive.

“Mom- I uh, I know you wanted me to be with a girl but-"

“Mingyu.” she stopped him, still breathless as she shook her head. It made all of his worries go away in an instant. He knew his mom liked Wonwoo from the start but he didn’t expect that she wouldn’t whack him across the head.

Hyuna stood there, clutching her chest as her mouth fell open with utter joy.

“I’m so happy for you. After this you better put a ring on Wonwoo’s finger. Okay?”

He didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say anyways? ‘Thanks’?

“Mom.” Mingyu chuckled, crossing his arms as he looked down to where his legs were lying across his bed. He was too shy to respond but he knew she deserved an answer. After all, she was always there to support him when things went wrong. She deserved to have an influence and a knowledge of what went on in his life.

“I don’t know about that just yet, but I know I love Wonwoo and I’ll make sure not to let him go.”

“Promise me.” she said, stepping into the room. Her voice was grim but her eyes were soft. If he looked close enough he could see that they were getting wet.

She pressed on.

“This isn’t another game Mingyu. Wonwoo’s heart isn’t a football. You have to handle him with care. The first moment he came into this house, I knew he was precious. His heart- I can tell it’s breakable. His eyes might be cold but I know his heart isn’t. Please… Don’t drop it.”

“I promise mom. I won’t.” Mingyu said, his voice filled with determination. His eyes flared up for a second at the thought of screwing it all up again. He couldn’t ever be happy with himself if he did. And for a split second, he hadn’t felt enraged by the possibility, but at himself.

Hyuna nodded. Her lips formed into a pout as the orbs that were her brown eyes sparkled in the twilight hours.

“Mingyu, don’t ever think that I’ll stop loving you because of who you love. I want to always be there for you, through thick and thin, even if you’re in the wrong. You need your mother and I need you.”

“But I thought you wanted grandchildren? Last time I checked Wonwoo was a boy.” Mingyu chuckled as he remembered Seokmin teasing him about it.

“Oh nonsense Mingyu. I want you to know that you’re my son and I love you unconditionally.”

“So you’d sacrifice your dream of having grandkids for my own dream?”

Was she insane?

“Sacrifice? Who said anything about sacrifice? I want to do this. I would take pleasure in giving up my dream if it’s for you. I’m doing it out of love. It isn’t a sacrifice. My heart hasn’t broken, I haven’t lost anything. I’ve only gained something and that’s the strength in the bond between us.”

“Yeah but I still kind of feel bad.” Mingyu admitted, grimacing.

“Don’t ever. Alright?”

“Thanks mom.”

The football player embraced his mother, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and letting her rest her cheek against his chest. He could feel the smile on her face and as they parted he saw that she was crying.

What was he going to do?

“Mom, I- I’m sorry about ruining your dream- Minseo will marry someone who can give you grandkids. Please mom, don’t cry.”

He went to hug her again but she stomped her foot, causing him to freeze.

“No! That’s- that’s not why I was crying.” she laughed. “Mingyu, you imbecile. These are tears of joy!”

“Mom- stop.” Mingyu chuckled, combing the hair that had fallen messily over her face with his gentle fingers. He held his arms out and embraced her once more, letting her cry into his shoulder.

“Wait til I tell your father. He’d be so proud once he meets Wonwoo. He’ll adore him, I know it. We’ll all take good care of him. He’ll be the new member of our family.”

Mingyu patted her back as she hiccuped.

“I don’t think his mom’s around him much. She sounds like a witch too. You know what that means?”

“What?” Hyuna smiled.

“That if I pull through with this and he agrees to be with me, then you’ll be his new mom. How’s that sound?”

She let out a sob.

“Oh Mingyu, I always wanted to be a mother-in-law. I don’t care if Wonwoo’s a boy. He’ll be loved, I promise you. Just as you’ve promised me.”

The football player nodded. Although it may have been a serious talk, he couldn’t help but beam like a fool.

“Now get working on that scheme of yours. Wonwoo seems like the type to admire a man with a plan.”

Mingyu blushed. He scratched the back of his neck and let out a chuckle.

“I’m already on it.”

“Good.” Hyuna let out a breath, rubbing circles in his back.

“Oh and mom, I was wondering if I could borrow some money?” he laughed nervously.

“For what?”

“Me and the guys are going to get tuxes for the dance Friday.”

Hyuna groaned.

“C’mon Mingyu! Your football gear was already enough. Can’t you just wear a nice button up? Wonwoo will think you look handsome no matter what.”

“What the fuck mom. This is for Wonwoo not for me. He’s gonna think I don’t care and that I’m lazy.”

“Language!” Hyuna scolded him. “And if you don’t want Wonwoo to think you’re lazy then clean your room!”

Mingyu scowled and he let out a grumble.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys have room in your hearts to take Mingyu back. I'm sorry I made him into such a jerk : ((((
> 
> OMG ya'll need to listen to Nas's new song "Ultra Black", THE BEAT.


	35. The Forum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made sure to make Mingyu sweet in this chapter hehe. Tho he needs to get his urges under control. But he's TRYING LMAO  
> Also there is some vulgar language and a frisky scene but it's just playful hehe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***NERD ALERT***: I have an announcement... I'm going to be posting a Star Wars meanie au ha. ha. ha. It sounds so cringe but I promise I'll make it readable HAHA. I hope to post it soon, maybe Wednesday. i'm going to finish up my other fanfic Tea for Two soon i promise. Thank you guys. I would never have thought of mixing Star Wars with Seventeen but you are all really loving and supportive. Even if we only can type to each other, I know we all have a bond.
> 
> Credits to Tennessee Williams for the quote I put in here. It's simple but its true, what can I say?

For once, Mingyu chose to sit with his actual friends: Yugyeom and Mark and had told Seokmin and Chan to leave the library and join them. It felt good to get all of his friends together and it made him even more excited to know that Jungkook would be sitting at the same table. Although, that was what he expected. 

He greeted Jennie and Lisa as they sat down across from them, but they kept to themselves, chatting about something that wasn’t gossip or school-related. 

“Hey, you know where Jungkook is?” 

Lisa’s eyes darted towards him immediately and she turned her head in surprise. Meanwhile, Jennie maintained her ice-cold calmness, picking at a piece of fruit with her fork before letting her eyelashes rise slowly.

“Why? Wonwoo not interesting enough for you anymore?” she laughed. 

Mingyu narrowed his eyes. He guessed they were still sour about what happened at the party. Everyone knew after that night that he was the cause of his and Wonwoo’s friendship breaking. It was funny because Jennie barely knew Wonwoo as a friend until then. Before that they were just classmates. But conflict brought people closer together sometimes.

He shook his head.

“No. I just need him for something.”

Lisa’s mouth formed an ‘O’ and she raised her head in understanding.

“He isn’t on campus today. Some kind of job interview I think. Why?”

Seokmin beamed.

“Cause only Jungkook knows the way to Wonwoo’s heart.”

Jennie smirked.

“So someone’s finally knocked some sense into you Kim?” 

The football player huffed, crossing his arms.

“You could say that.” 

“The cookie does that.” Seokmin snorted.

“Shut up.” 

“So what’s your plan?” Lisa asked, looking at him with an excited but light-hearted smile.

Mingyu sat back in his seat, wondering how he should put it. He let out a breath.

“Get back on Wonwoo’s good side I guess. And that means getting Jungkook not to hate me. If that works then maybe he could get Wonwoo to see that I’m trying to change. Hopefully.” he shrugged, looking down at his fingers. 

“Woah.” Jennie snickered.

“Woah what?” the taller furrowed his brows.

“You have it bad for Wonwoo. I’ve never seen you like this before. You’ve gotten soft.” 

Mingyu growled.

“No I haven’t. In case you didn’t hear I fucking destroyed Jaehyun last week, and it was Shownu before that. So you should rethink that.”

The black-haired girl let her plastic fork fall to her tray.

“Alright. Fine. Maybe you’re just soft for Wonwoo then.” 

Lisa nodded, trying not to laugh.

“It’s so sweet.” she added, hair falling over her face as she hunched over, giggling into Jennie’s shoulder.

Chan groaned. 

“Okay ladies, we know it’s cute and adorable that Mingyu has a crush on Wonwoo or whatever but can we please cut to the chase.”

“Yeah, we need to produce some results. If you wanna gossip about Mingyu and Wonwoo then this aint for you.” Seokmin added.

Before he could smirk Jennie took a grape and threw it at him. Seokmin went wide-eyed but caught it in his mouth. 

“I was just about to propose a solution before this dimwit had to open his mouth.” Jennie scoffed.

“Don’t listen to him.” Mingyu said. “I’m desperate. You got to tell me.”

“Okay okay.” Jennie said, flipping her hair back. “I thought it was kind of obvious that you should use Jimin.”

“Use him?” Mingyu chuckled. “He’s a friend.”

She rolled her eyes.

“No, not that way. You know what I mean. Get him to give Jungkook what he wants so he will forever be indebted to you.”

Yugyeom had been laughing with Mark about something before he turned to her.

“What if Jimin can’t give Jungkook what he wants? I mean, that stuff usually doesn’t happen on the first date.” Yugyeom snickered, slapping Mark’s knee as the latter pushed him playfully.

Lisa looked at them, unamused.

“No dummy, if you really knew Jungkook you’d know he just wants Jimin to ask him out. The plan would be to get Jungkook and Jimin to get to know each other and hopefully love can bloom and sparks can fly from there.” she turned to Mingyu. “And you have to tell Jimin that Jungkook is single. At least, implicitly. But don’t make it obvious that you’re trying to get them together.” 

Mingyu leaned on the table and held his forehead.

“Alright. That sounds like it could work. I just have to find a way to get them in the same room as each other. I don’t think a party is a good idea.” 

Jennie and Lisa jolted forward on their seats, arms out and hands shaking.

“No!” they both shouted. 

“Not a good idea.” Jennie shook her head. It was the first time Mingyu had ever seen her so exasperated.

He chuckled to himself. Remembering how a party was the reason why everything happened. 

“Yeah, I figured.” 

Everyone at the table sighed in defeat, letting their shoulders drop as they struggled to help their friend come up with a plan. That was, until Lisa sat straight up and grinned.

“I know. Jungkook loves the movies. Let’s lure him there.”

Jennie snorted.

“You make it sound like we’re gonna murder him. But- that is a good idea.” she giggled. 

“Mark. Yugyeom. You got to ask him to hangout there.” Mingyu said, turning to look at his friends who looked like deer caught in headlights.

“Why us?” Mark asked, letting his head fall back in frustration.

“Because. Jungkook hates me and he’s gonna think I’m pranking him or something.” 

“Makes sense.” Yugyeom sighed.

“So you’ll do it?” the football player grinned.

Mark and Yugyeom looked at eachother plainly, with the former shrugging and the latter raking a hand through his hair.

“C’mon guys, do me a solid.”

Yugyeom chuckled.

“Dude, you don’t have to ask for a solid. Of course we’ll help you.”

“Yeah man.” Mark added. “We know how much Wonwoo means to you, even if you don’t want to admit it bro.” 

Mingyu scowled but he couldn’t hide the red creeping up to his cheeks. But as he looked around at all his friends, he only grew warmer. They were all beaming at him with excitement and total admiration. Even Jennie was smiling. 

Weird. 

He was making a change for himself and they all wanted to help, and for that, he couldn’t be more grateful. 

“Thanks guys. I mean it. I’ll make you all proud.”

Seokmin, Yugyeom and Mark reached to slap him on the back as Chan came around to give him a back hug and ruffle his hair. Jennie gave him the brightest smile as Lisa clapped her hands, not wanting to have to wait to see the cuteness of Mingyu and Wonwoo being together. Finally. 

“Alright alright.” Mingyu laughed, trying to protect himself from his friends. 

“Here’s the plan.”

II 

As soon as Mingyu got home from his internship, he was greeted by the sly faces of Yugyeom and Mark who had most likely just been ‘in the neighborhood’ and decided to stop by. It was good because he needed them for his plan to get on Jungkook’s good side, but that wasn’t enough to make him less annoyed with their presence. They were sitting there eating bowls of the most sugary cereal along with whatever his mother was making for them. It looked like peanut butter crackers. 

Either way, he didn’t care if they were stealing all of his food. He hated how his mother was attending to them like they were royalty. That was supposed to be him. 

With all silliness aside he put a hand around Yugyeom’s shoulder as he came behind his seat, and squeezed it. It may have been light for the football player’s standards but Yugyeom instantly groaned. 

“Hello to you too.” his friend winced, scrunching his nose as he arched his back. Mark tensed as he watched his friend crumble across from him, knowing he’d be next.

“What are you guys doing here?” Mingyu arched an eyebrow, letting go of his grip and causing Yugyeom to release a sigh. Mark took the opportunity to answer since his friend was still recovering.

“We were walking by and we got hungry.”

“At nine o’clock at night?” 

“Relax, we weren't running from the cops or anything.” Yugyeom replied, rubbing his shoulder as Mingyu walked to the head of the table. 

“Mom, were they?” Mingyu asked, turning his head to see his mother stirring something in a pot. 

Hyuna’s head fell back in annoyance.

“No of course not. They were hungry! Don’t act like you aren’t just like them.” she said, pointing her ladle at him. Was that pasta she was making? 

He internally groaned, Yugyeom and Mark were basically emptying all of the cupboards they had. 

“Whatever. Since you’re here I might as well kick your ass at COD.” Mingyu smirked.

“When I’m done!” Yugyeom whined, kicking the leg of the table in anger as milk and cereal fell from his mouth and into his bowl.

“Gross!” Mark grimaced. “Please kick his ass Kim. I don’t care if I have to see your name as number one on the stats.”

“Fuck you, Tuan.” Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

Both went back to finishing up what they were eating as Mingyu raised an eyebrow towards his mother.

“Mom, aren’t you going to say ‘language’ or something?” he crossed his arms.

Hyuna couldn’t help but let a smug smile form across her lips.

“They are our guests Mingyu. If anything, you’re the one I’m watching out for.”

“Yeah, do you kiss your mom with that mouth Kim?” Mark eyed him.

Yugyeom snorted with a mouth full of cereal.

“His mom’s the only girl he’s ever kissed.” 

“Yeah but Mingyu’s just staying faithful to Wonwoo, right man?” Mark said, looking over his friend’s hair towards the football player. 

Mingyu let out a humph. 

“Right.” 

The taller was getting annoyed with how his friends were taking their _precious_ time and he scowled.

“C’mon guys. I’ll let you eat in my room. Only on one condition though.” he grinned.

III

Yugyeom growled.

“How are you gonna win over Wonwoo if you’re room’s a mess Kim?” he said, almost out of breath as he lifted a box full of baseball bats and whatever sports gear Mingyu’s mother had bought him along his years in high school.

Mark laid on his side as he moved things back under Mingyu’s bed as he gathered everything into boxes and bins. It wasn’t like Mingyu had an excuse to be messy. Yeah Mingyu had a job and was a football player for their university but he wasn’t an Einstein. He thought only geniuses were messy. 

“Yeah Mingyu, you really want to take Wonwoo’s virginity here? You might as well go to some place less gross. Like the bathroom at Chuck E. Cheese.”

Mingyu shook his head.

“You’re the one who’s gross Tuan.”

He was hunched over the TV stand, trying to plug in all the right wires so he could set up the game. 

“Yeah Tuan, Kim would probably bang him under the bleachers or something.” Yugyeom laughed. 

“Shut up.” the football player gritted. “I only have like a fifty percent chance of this working. I’m not going to get my hopes up.”

“So you are gonna get it on with him right after?” Yugyeom asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “I bet he’s tight.” 

Mingyu threw a plastic wiffle ball at him from where it had been lying on the floor. He wished Yugyeom could have slipped on it.

“Dude, shut your mouth. I’m trying to start fresh. I don’t want to do Wonwoo like that.” His voice then got soft.

“He always talked about saving himself and-”

“C’mon man.” Yugyeom chuckled. “You really think he’d wait ten years for you. Forget about you waiting for him.”

Mingyu lowered his head, playing with the rubber wires as he thought. 

“Not if I really love him.”

Yugyeom grinned, raising both his hands.

“I got to hand it to you Kim, a lot of my buddies aren’t like you. And that’s a good thing. I guess I would have still had a girlfriend if I thought more like you are now. I hope the plan works. I’d like to see you and Wonwoo together and not just because I’d get a kick out of it. You guys are really meant for each other. It made me angry to see Jaehyun steal him from you.” 

“Yeah.” Mark chimed in, beaming from where he was laying on the floor. “With that kind of mindset your chances of succeeding are- well let’s just say they aren’t thin. And I for one wanna see you with someone that doesn’t make me cringe.”

Mingyu chuckled, lifting his head to give his friends a look of appreciation.

“Thanks guys.”

But Yugyeom and Mark didn’t stop there.

“Mark, if you don’t want to cringe then Wonwoo isn’t going to help you. Mingyu’s only gonna get worse with him. Think about it. He’ll get all lovey dovey with Wonwoo in front of us and then ditch us.”

Mark put his finger to his chin.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t think about that. But Wonwoo isn’t an attention whore though.”

The other snickered.

“Yeah I guess you’re right. How much is Kim’s attention worth anyways- Ow!” 

Yugyeom rubbed his shoulder as Mingyu hit him with the yellow wiffle ball bat. He turned to look at his friend who was glaring daggers at him.

“Trust me, I’ll spoil Wonwoo with attention.” the football player said, his glower changing to a smirk. 

“That’s my man.” Yugyeom grinned, yanking the wiffle ball bat out of the taller’s hands to hit him with it.

“Bro, stop.” Mingyu laughed. “I’m not ever gonna win over Wonwoo if we don’t come up with a plan for tomorrow.” he added, raising his hands to shield his shoulder and head.

Before Yugyeom could complain about not playing video games, a gasp came from the back of the room where Mark was lying on the floor next to Mingyu’s bed.

“Dude. I didn’t know you could read?” 

“Huh?”

Mark held up a book in his hand, looking at the football player as if he was kidding him.

“I knew it! You were just acting like dumb asshole jock on the outside but really you’re a nerd who’s soft on the inside.”

Mingyu didn’t look like he thought the joke was funny. Though the worst part was that it wasn't even a joke.

“No, I’ve never touched a book in my life. Except for that one. What's it say?”

Mark furrowed his brows, turning the cover towards him.

“I don’t know how to pronounce it. Latch-es? Lack-es? Someone help me.”

“I think it’s pronounced lay-kees.” Yugyeom said, squinting. Then suddenly, a realization hit Mingyu in the face.

“That’s Wonwoo’s book.” he breathed, smiling widely as he got an idea.

“Is his smell on it or something?” Yugyeom cringed, weirded out by the fact that Mingyu had kept his book. But then, he imagined that Wonwoo smelled really nice. 

Mark jumped in.

“Yeah, that’s why Mingyu kept his book. Smelling Wonwoo’s scent makes him bust-”

“Shut up.” the football player growled, throwing the bat towards him to get his attention. 

“I’m trying not to think of Wonwoo like that.” he admitted. Mingyu’s voice was lower but it was deeper and it’s tone was more enraged than annoyed. It wasn’t fun to think that the perverted thoughts he had about Wonwoo at night would come back again. He didn’t even want to think about it. He couldn’t mess himself up like that again, not when Wonwoo was on the line.

“Sorry man, we just thought you were hormonal like the rest of us.” Mark pouted. 

“Doesn’t mean you have to let hormones control you. I’m still fighting them, so hey, I guess I’m guilty too. But- it doesn’t give us an excuse. I know that now. And that’s why I need your help to get Wonwoo to go with me Friday.”

Mark nodded. 

“Me and Yugyeom will ask Jimin to hang out with us… where?” he asked, looking towards his friend. 

Yugyeom narrowed his eyes, thinking of a place.

“Since we’re getting our tuxes tomorrow too, we can just tell Jimin and Jungkook to meet us at the movie theater and then ditch them so me and Mark can go to the mall across the street.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Mark said, leaning back as his hands supported him on the floor.

Mingyu chuckled, resting his chin on his knuckle. 

“I don’t know guys. It seems like it’s too easy.” 

“It’s the most we can come up with man, c’mon.” Mark grinned.

Yugyeom turned to look at him.

“Yeah dude, always take a piece of cake when it’s given to you.” he said, causing Mingyu to laugh,

“Dude, Wonwoo isn’t a piece of cake.”

His friend snorted.

“His ass is- ahhh fuck!” 

Yugyeom barely got all of the words out of his mouth before Mingyu pushed him over with one hand, causing the side of his body to hit the carpet.

“I swear.” Mingyu gritted. “One more thing I hear come out of your mouth about Wonwoo’s body and I’ll break your legs.”

Yugyeom could have sworn he felt a ball of sweat roll down his cheeks as he looked up at Mingyu with fear written all over his face.

“I meant- he’s s _ass_ y and it will be hard to win him over.” Yugyeom chuckled nervously, holding his hands up.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought little boy.” Mingyu smirked.

While he could have laughed at Yugyeom’s face right then and there, he couldn’t help but think about the book Mark found under his bed. He finally had an opportunity to talk to Wonwoo now. Even better, if he returned the book he’d look like a nice fellow. Right? He just needed Wonwoo to be in the right place and time.

IV

“Don’t you think it would be awkward for you guys that I’m here? I barely know you’re friends much less Jimin. Plus you got them to support you.” 

Jungkook looked at him like he was insane before turning back to watch the road. 

“No, I need you for moral support. Yugyeom and Mark will only tease me.” 

Wonwoo lowered his eyes.

“Alright, let me rephrase that question. Don’t you think it would be awkward _for me_?”

The shorter boy pursed his lips, bouncing in his seat slightly as he thought.

“Okay fine! You’d basically be like a third or fifth wheel if you count the rest. But hey, there’s bound to be a lot of hot guys at the movies.”

“Who also have dates.” Wonwoo added, crossing his arms. He was having none of it.

“That you can steal them from…” Jungkook blinked. What was Wonwoo not getting?

“One, that is so immoral. And two, you know…” Wonwoo said, flicking his hand as he titled his head towards his friend.

“Know what?”

“I still like you-know-who... The man we shall not name.” 

Jungkook shifted in his seat.

“And I thought you still could be with him but I guess I was wrong. What do you want me to do? I can only support you.” he shrugged. 

He could tell Jungkook was getting tired with his shenanigans. 

“Just- keep doing what you’re doing I guess. I may still lo-like him but since I have you as a support you can make sure I don’t think about him or talk about him- whatever. I can’t be with him, that’s the thing. My values and my feelings do not match. Simple. And what will I choose? My values of course. I just need your help with getting me to stick on the right path that I’ve set for myself. Do you have a shock collar or-”

Jungkook cackled. 

“No but I got a really hot guy at 3 o’clock.” 

Wonwoo looked out his window, spotting a thin blonde boy leaning against the wall at the top of the steps to the entrance. He wore a satin red muscle tee, black khaki pants, a silver chain around his neck and a black baseball hat. He had somewhat muscular arms but a narrow face. His cheeks and shadowy eyes looked inviting as he stared down at his phone but Wonwoo didn’t feel any pull towards the boy. Of course not. Jimin wasn’t Mingyu. Besides, Jungkook already claimed him.

“That’s Jimin? But he’s shorter than you.” Wonwoo said, looking flabbergasted.

“He’s still growing.”

“But isn’t he older than you?”

“Not in my heart.”

“You're impossible. But… I’m glad you’ve found someone. Now I can get you off my back and onto someone else’s. Just kidding!” 

Jungkook glared at him as he put his car in ‘park’ in the parking space.

“Just for that you are now sitting on Jimin’s side so the awkwardness is ten times worse. And! I’ll make sure that we’ll all share popcorn so when the bag is passed down to you everyone’s dirty hands have touched it.” 

Wonwoo stared blankly at him but it was obvious he was trying not to burst out laughing. His own lips jiggled and his cheeks became hollow as he held it in.

“Are you a child?”

“I’m Jimin’s baby.” 

“Makes sense.”

“And just so you know Wonu, about everything you said. I’ll make sure you find your own ‘Jimin’.” he giggled.

“Gee, I appreciate it. But I don’t think any man will live up to become another Jimin.” Wonwoo teased.

Jungkook smiled in disbelief.

“You know, that’s probably the wisest thing you’ve ever said. I’ll keep you.” 

Wonwoo snorted, shaking his head as he got out of the car. They walked through the parking lot to the entrance where Jimin was still standing. He probably forgot what Jungkook looked like if they went to the same high school. That was most likely why he hadn’t greeted them. That, and when he looked up from his phone he only did a swift scan of his surroundings, not long enough to spot the two of them coming towards him.

Even with how confident Jungkook tried to walk, or the way in which he tried to look calm and indifferent - like he was taking precious time out to go to the movies with lesser beings - Wonwoo couldn’t help but notice that his friend began to sweat slightly on his forehead while his hands clenched at his sides, umoving.

“Jungkook, it’s okay. I’m right next to you.” Wonwoo whispered.

“Thank you.” Jungkook said, lips jittering. His whole body basically shivered. “I’m- do you know what’s about to happen? I’m going to meet Jimin.” he whispered, more frightened than angry. “What if he thinks I’m a freak? What if he makes fun of me with Mark and Yugyeom?”

Wonwoo smiled.

“Then that will make getting over him easier.”

Jungkook gave him a side eye.

“It didn’t work for you.”

He scoffed.

“No one can get over Mingyu.” Wonwoo replied, quickly lowering his chin as if he were shunning his friend. His eyes caught the movement of a group of highschoolers one hundred feet away from them, crossing the street to get to the sidewalk along the theater. He looked at them _with_ contempt, but not _in_ contempt. They had it so easy. They only had crushes. It made him think that there was something wrong with him. Why did he have to fall so hard for the boy who smiled at him on their first day of class, letting him have his seat?

He narrowed his eyes, writhing in subdued anger. 

“He is like my Original Sin. He is what makes me flawed; corrupted. I’ve been cursed to love him. And so long as I do…” his eyebrows fell and his lips curled. His voice became light as a feather.

“I’ll never get to heaven. Because...he is not someone I should love. Neither is my kind of love, the right kind. It’s _disordered_.” 

He smiled. Everyone could get over a crush. No one could get over a disordered kind of love; an obsession that was ingrained in him in his childhood, something that would scar him forever. He just had to endure it and hope for the future.

He went on.

“I guess only God’s grace can save me now. You- Kookie,” he breathed. “If this doesn’t work out with you and Jimin, you can suffer with me.” he laughed.

Jungkook could only look at him with slightly widened eyes, not knowing whether he should laugh along or rub Wonwoo’s shoulder. 

“No I’m just kidding, I’ll get over it.” Wonwoo chuckled, scrunching his nose but not even that could make Jungkook smile. “Even if I’m a fifth wheel today I’m still glad we’re hanging out together, really.” he added shyly, watching his feet climb each step. 

“I promise, we’ll hang together just you and me soon. I also like that blonde boy you hang around with. “

Wonwoo tilted his head towards him, wondering just who exactly did Jungkook like, Jimin or his friend?

“Vernon?”

Jungkook’s eyebrows perked up and he smiled, showing his pronounced but iconic overbite.

“Yessss. He’s such a cutie. He is legit little brother materia-”

“Are you Jungkook?” a sweet but slightly deep and raspy voice asked. 

Jungkook’s imaginary bunny ears perked up like he had heard the cock of a rifle aimed right at him. Meanwhile, Wonwoo’s head slowly turned to the source of the voice whom he assumed to be Jimin. While Jungkook stood there caught in the headlights, Wonwoo analyzed the stranger from head to toe, careful to not make any judgments, _yet_.

Jimin stood there unmoving as well, face glowing from the light of his phone’s screen. They were under the cabana and in the shadow next to the entrance doors. Maybe that was why Jimin looked more like a punk than a blonde-headed angel. What was with him and Jungkook liking bad boys?

The shorter boy looked at Jungkook with a light smile. Yet Wonwoo could tell he looked at him as more than a buddy of his friends, like someone who he himself took interest in for _his_ own reasons. After all, he would have expected Jimin’s smile to be more of a smirk considering he was friends with Yugyeom and Mark. Yet the blonde simply gave him a gentle and friendly grin which bore his two full sets of pearly white teeth.

Jungkook lowered his chin and pointed at himself as if he were about to ask ‘me’ but Wonwoo spoke for his stumbling friend.

“Yes, and I’m Wonwoo. You’re Jimin, right?”

Jimin’s smile grew wider and his eyes crinkled at the sight of Jungkook shyly scratching the area of hair behind his ear and subtly wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“Yeah. Are you guys friends with Yugyeom and Mark too?”

“Unfortunately.” Jungkook said, not even bothering to give the thought of his two friends a complete eye roll. But he instantly made himself small once he noticed that Jimin was chuckling at him.

Wonwoo noted the fondness of Jimin’s gaze. He may have laughed as Jungkook let out a nervous breath, but it was like the air around them was quiet. Like they had known each other forever and meeting was something part of their pleasurable daily routine.

It wasn’t something he envied, but something he reveled in. Was Jungkook’s happiness something that could cure his own condition? No. But he could admire Jungkook for the fact that he owned his own happiness, that nothing could satisfy him nor would he compromise until he got Jimin’s love and affection. Jungkook wouldn’t surrender his happiness to the motherly concerns of his friends, or to his own doubts. He wouldn’t get rid of the crush he had on Jimin just because someone told him it was unhealthy. Just as Wonwoo wouldn’t stop crushing on Mingyu. His love for the football player may have been the only thing left that was his. That was why he stood there, watching with admiration and feather-light enchantment as the other two boys shyly glanced at one another before turning to him.

Luckily he wasn’t too caught up in their romance as his eyes darted between theirs. Jungkook looked at him like he wanted him to say something in order to take away the awkwardness. He didn’t mind. He was happy to play along and see where their date went.

“So are you guys Star Wars fans?”

Jimin tilted his head to look at Wonwoo with a guilty smile as his body continued to face Jungkook.

“No. I’m more of a sappy romance guy, but only because it’s easier to get the ladies to let me hold their hand.”

Jungkook balked but Wonwoo knew Jimin was clearly kidding. The blonde even winked at him, silently telling him to not call him out on the joke.

“Well, that’s not happening.” the youngest huffed, setting his hands on his hips. It was obvious he was angry by the fact that Jimin only mentioned ‘ladies’.

“Why not? You don’t want to hold my hand?” Jimin arched an eyebrow, stepping closer to test if the other would step back.

Even if a blush boiled to the surface of Jungkook’s face, he held his ground, pursing his lips as if he had just swatted a fly.

“I’m not a lady, so.”

“That’s fine. Yugyeom and Mark probably don’t know it but I’m not just into girls.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

Jungkook suddenly ceased being shy, and dropped it like it was all an act. Then, a curious smile marked his expression.

“What happened to the sweet and quiet Jimin that was here a minute ago?”

It made Jimin let out an amused huff.

The blonde was going to come back with a ‘so you think I’m sweet?’ but he thought of something better. 

“I don’t know man. Maybe I can give him your number so he can call you.” Jimin smirked, holding out his hand, using his fingers to signal for Jungkook to hand him his phone. But it didn’t work.

Jungkook only looked at him as if he was amazed and at the same time had just taken a bite out of a sour lemon.

“Wow, you’re smooth. But I don’t want to be too easy for you.”

Meanwhile, Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, itching to intervene.

“Wait. If you’re this smooth then why are you even single? Do people leave you that quickly?” Wonwoo crossed his arms as Jungkook came to his side, giving Jimin a skeptical look.

“Maybe I just got tired of them.” Jimin sighed, prompting the two of them to arch their brows.

“Nah I’m only playing.” the blonde chuckled. “I guess it was just my luck today that I wasn’t rejected. Right?” Jimin asked, slyly turning his head towards Jungkook.

The younger thought for a second.

“I’ll give you my answer when the day’s over. We came here to watch a movie after all.”

Jimin nodded, masking his anxiousness by puffing his cheeks and breathing out. He bit his lip slightly and closed his eyes as if he didn’t care what Jungkook did. He’d do anything to save his pride he guessed. He hoped Jungkook wouldn’t refuse him because he was ‘too short’. If anything he hoped it was because he wasn’t funny or because he was boring. Those things he could change at least.

“We’re supposed to be watching a movie with Mark and Yugyeom too. Have you seen them?” Jimin asked.

Wonwoo looked at Jungkook.

“Yeah, didn’t you say they told you to meet them here?” 

Jungkook was about to furrow his brows when two pairs of footsteps thudding against the sidewalk echoed against the brick wall leading to the entrance under the cabana. Wonwoo saw Yugyeom and Mark running towards them, their jackets flailing while Yugyeom’s hair became messy from the wind.

“We were just talking about you, where’ve you been?” Jungkook asked, whipping his head around.

“Traffic.” Yugyeom shrugged, running up the next set of steps to the entrance. Holding the door open, he swatted his hand, gesturing for them to enter. 

“Well, you missed a lot.” Wonwoo snickered, covering his mouth.

Yugyeom grinned.

“I think I have a clue.” he said, eyeing the way Jimin and Jungkook were talking to each other like the biggest nerds who loved the same thing. Too bad it wasn’t Star Wars.

V

“I can’t believe J.J. Abrams yet again, has ruined another movie.” Wonwoo whispered to his friend, but it came out more like a hiss. They were in the movie theater and had been watching a cringe-worthy romance scene until Wonwoo interrupted it with his news-worthy criticism. On the other hand, Mark and Yugyeom weren’t there to agree with it as they had “excused themselves” saying there was an emergency.

It didn’t stop Wonwoo from voicing his opinions to Jungkook or Jimin anyways. To him, anything had the chance of becoming a debate.

“I loved Rogue One and Solo was good too, but I cannot stand that they’d do General Grievous like this. How could they make the cyborg general and most deadly lightsaber wielder who is supreme commander of the Separatist Droid Army into such a clown? Yeah, okay, maybe the jokes are funny but Star Wars is not about jokes. It’s a serious story and I don’t care if my face is stone cold the whole movie, so long as it respects the solemness of the story. You know what, let’s save the laughs for the J.J. Abrams is over party. Glad he could make a quick buck off of ruining Star Wars.” 

Wonwoo sat back, inhaling a breath as he crossed his arms. On the other hand, Jungkook looked surprised that someone like him would like Star Wars so much but then again, Wonwoo was a nerd. It was something most people didn’t know when they saw him at first glance. Jimin sat forward, grinning at him and then turning to Jungkook, nodding.

“Yeah, this movie blows. Fuck J.J. Abrams.” he said, leaning over the edge of his seat and gesturing for the other to follow him.

Jungkook caught on instantly.

“Yeah, c’mon Wonwoo. J.J. doesn’t deserve any more attention from us. Let’s save our eyes from this monstrosity. Complete piece of shit.”

“What?” Wonwoo frowned. “Even though it stinks it’s still Star Wars.”

“It’s not with J.J.’s name on it. Now c’mon. Let’s go to the mall.” Jungkook snickered, getting validation from a proud-looking Jimin.

VI

The mall was unusually empty with only a few groups of high-schoolers, couples, and families walking through the wide avenues that criss-crossed the entire complex. 

Mark and Yugyeom had joined up with Mingyu, Chan, and Seokmin at a sitting area outside the Ralph Lauren store. They went in, snickering about who would look more like James Bond before splitting up to look at different styles. He didn’t want anything unconventional or too fancy so he went with the standard black overcoat and white dress shirt underneath. As he chose a black tie, it made him want to imagine himself as the CEO of his own successful company. Wonwoo even said he already had the look. But that was when they had been friends for a short while. He missed hearing the lightness in Wonwoo’s voice. It was so happy and soft. Yet it carried the weight of a thousand words, like an echo from an abyss. 

He had only seen one side of him. Sure, Mingyu had been in the same room when Wonwoo was annoyed or upset. But he was only seeing the shadow of darkness, the echo of a void, the touch of a phantom. He had witnessed Wonwoo’s face contort into the brightest smiles to the most bent and twisted scowls. Yet he didn’t know Wonwoo enough to see the source of where it all was coming from. Sure, he had a hand in making the other boy angry and upset within the past few weeks, but there was something else bugging him. Just like Seokmin had mentioned. It was something he must have triggered in Wonwoo, like some inner demon. 

He really was Wonwoo’s poison. 

_No._

That was just a doubt in his head. He was overanalyzing...overthinking. Now was not the time to fall into the same pit Wonwoo fell in. Mingyu was the one who pushed him into it, and he’d be the one to pull him out.

He had to stay confident, and that meant smirking at himself in the mirror he was standing in front of.

As much as being the boss of his own company would have made him more accomplished and appealing to ‘potential mates’, he couldn’t help but realize that it was his own dream and his own happiness that he was striving for. It wasn’t on a whim that when he saw himself in the mirror, he wanted to become everything he imagined himself to be. Rather, it was his own conscious volition; to pursue something meaningful and achieve something. Not for praise or for validation of his own pride. No, pride was a product of his achievements, not the motivation. If he ended up wealthy it would only be an added bonus. But all he could want after that was Wonwoo by his side, the cherry on top of the ice cream.

Mingyu wanted to slap himself.

He had to stop making everything dirty.

Anyways, maybe achievement and success wasn’t something that simply could attract Wonwoo, but could _earn_ him. Wonwoo wasn’t simply a beautiful trophy to look at or a token to remind himself that he ‘still had it’. But earning Wonwoo would be a reflection of the man that he wanted to become. His character would be judged by the thing he loved, or in this case, the person. The task was not simply acquiring Wonwoo, but what he would do with him once he did so. Just like money, one did not just have to earn it, but they also had to spend it wisely. And he would not let Wonwoo sit there like a trophy to collect dust. They could conquer the world together. Pursue something even greater than the mere attraction they had for one another. But what was greater than Wonwoo? What was more pleasing to contemplate than Wonwoo’s smiling face or penetrating voice? 

Only Wonwoo had the answer. He was the philosopher after all. 

But what was he? Kim Mingyu, the stooge with a bouquet of flowers to hand to his beloved?

_No._

_He was the ideal man…_

_The only man who Wonwoo would let rule him. The only king the black-haired boy would bow to, and the only man who he’d let kiss him. The only man who Wonwoo would fight with all his might before surrendering to him. The only legitimate ruler that Wonwoo would recognize._

All this time Mingyu had been yearning for the certainty Wonwoo could provide him; all of the answers to his deepest problems. Yet it had been Wonwoo all along who was searching for the same thing, but not in the facts of life, rather, in love. It was all love and wisdom. Wonwoo needed the former and he needed the latter. 

_Wonwoo needed saving._

Then Mingyu was brought back to the present moment. 

He was beginning to think - with tomorrow approaching - that getting Wonwoo to go to the dance with him would probably be the biggest achievement in his college years. He couldn’t mess it up. 

Glancing in the mirror one last time he flashed his canines and let out a silent growl. Gritting his teeth, he taunted his own reflection with a smirk. 

The big dog was in the house alright. 

“Dude, you’ve been standing there for an hour.” a voice interrupted, and he turned to glare at Seokmin who had his cheeks puffed and was holding his lips together.

“Awkward.” Yugyeom snickered, coming into view along with Mark and Chan from the next aisle over.

“Shut up. And what kind of suit is that? Are you a nerd?” he retorted, eyeing the blue plaid suit Ygyeom had draped over his shoulder. The guy had even grabbed a bright red tie along with it.

“I like to think I’m superman in disguise.” Yugyeom grinned.

“If you don’t want anyone to know you’re superman then don’t wear something like that. Idiot.” 

“Hey, cut Yugs some slack. Superman’s super power isn’t intelligence.” Chan snorted.

“Yeah I don’t need to be a smartass. I only need a gym.” 

Mingyu huffed.

“If your date finds out that you can’t even lift two-hundred pounds then you’re done for.” 

“She won’t.”

“Who are you bringing anyways?” Mark asked.

“Somi. You?”

Mark froze, not expecting his friend to ask him so quickly. He wanted to lay it on them lightly and slowly but what the hell.

“JB asked me.” he breathed, letting his shoulders fall.

Both Yugyeom and Mingyu’s eyes narrowed while Seokmin and Chan still wore shocked expressions from the fact that Yugyeom had asked his ex from high school to go to the dance with him.

Yugyeom stepped closer as if he was challenging his friend to a fight.

“The one with all the piercings on his face?” 

A look of determination flashed across Mark’s expression.

“He’s nice!” 

“I don’t like him.” Mingyu said, sending Mark a warning look.

“Well I already agreed and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

“Mark, he’s bad news.” Yugyeom butted in this time.

“He’s just a loner. Plus he’s harmless, trust me.” Mark replied, patting his friend on the shoulder.

Mingyu crossed his arms.

“We’ll all be together at the dance. I’ll keep a watch on him, don’t worry.” the football player said, fist-bumping Yugyeom’s shoulder. Yugyeom let his knuckle push him slightly but all the shorter boy could do was stare at Mark in disappointment, dread written all over his face.

“What about you Seok? Who’s your date?” Mark perked up, trying to change the subject.

Seokmin rubbed his shoulder out of shyness, suddenly crumbling under the pressure of everyone looking at him. 

“Yuju.” he chuckled nervously, bearing his teeth as his eyes crinkled.

“Aye!” Mingyu called out, walking over to pat him on the back. “You’ve been crushing over her since the first day right?”

“Yeah, she’s just- amazing.” Seokmin grinned.

Yugyeom whistled, forcing himself to break the trance that he had been in to poke Seokmin in the side.

“Are you sure it’s only a crush man?” 

Seokmin snickered.

“I’d propose to her if she wanted me to.” 

“Get out of here.” Mingyu huffed. “You’re not getting married that quick. We still have ten years of fun and games ahead of us.”

“Yeah, she’s made him kind of dumb.” Chan added.

“Seokmin doesn’t need Yuju for that.” Mingyu smirked.

Seokmin sighed.

“Hey, what did I do to be attacked like this?” 

They all laughed.

“Alright fine, what about you Chan?” Mingyu asked.

“Yeah, who’s the lucky girl or boy?” 

Chan’s smile faltered slightly and he stepped back as if he had just been burnt by something hot. Or in the current case, something icy cold.

“It didn’t work out.”

“Huh?” Seokmin lowered his chin to gawk.

“I got rejected.” Chan sighed, swinging his arms slowly as a way to make it seem like he was cool with it.

“By who? Irene?” his friend laughed, referring to one of the prettiest members of the cheerleading squad.

“No, I- I don’t want to mention her name. It’s fine.”

Mingyu ruffled Chan’s hair.

“Whoever she is it’s her loss. You got that?”

Chan nodded.

“You’re still buying a tux. Just because some girl rejected you doesn’t mean you aren’t one of the boys.” Yugyeom added. 

A smirk formed on the younger’s face and he let out a breath.

“Hell yeah.” 

VII

“I’m hungry.” Mingyu groaned, slouching as they all were walking towards the entrance. “I don’t think I can wait til we go get pizza.”

“This place has like a giant food court doesn’t it?” Seokmin tilted his head.

Mingyu didn’t have time to speculate whether his friend was correct or not. He was too busy scanning the place to see where the smell of food was coming from. He had caught a whiff of spice and meat and instantly became like a bloodhound, sniffing to follow the scent.

“Kim’s found something. What is it buddy?” Yugyeom teased him. 

He didn’t bother to make a comeback. The smell of food was too distracting.

“Steak.” Mingyu smirked, looking like he could eat it rare.

“Not gonna lie, I’m super hungry too.” Seokmin added, wrapping an arm around Chan as they followed Mingyu in the direction the football player thought the food court was supposedly. 

Mingyu walked with one hand in his pocket while the other hand held a white paper bag with his suit in it. The football player was determined as ever, like he really was a bloodhound about to catch an escaped prisoner. Yet his demeanor suddenly changed when he rounded the corner. 

The rest of the group wasn’t so quick to jump to conclusions. They all knew Mingyu had smelled his favorite food but none of them thought it had enough power over him to make his jaw drop slightly and stumble over his feet. 

They all wanted to release the breath that had caught in their lungs from finding out what Mingyu had been stunned by. Yet they were stunned just as well, tensing even more once they found what was around the corner. 

There at the end of a line of people waiting to order from one of the restaurants, were the people Mingyu did not want to see yet. Especially Wonwoo.

Mingyu let the bag in his hand fall against his leg while his backpack suddenly felt heavier. He could do nothing but watch Wonwoo smile at the two boys standing beside him. His plan was working too well. Maybe he had outsmarted himself.

“Dude, that was easier than I thought. We didn’t even have to tell Jimin that Jungkook was single.” Mark grinned.

Before Yugyeom could yank him away to make their escape, Jungkook just had to turn around and spot them. 

“Hey! Where were you?” Jungkook said, crossing his arms as he left a faltering Jimin in the dust. 

“And what are you doing with this guy?” 

Yugyeom peered out from behind Mingyu, stepping to the side as he winced. Luckily he was incinerated immediately by Jungkook’s death glare as the boy was too busy with giving Mingyu a dirty look.

As Yugyeom and Mark explained to their friend that the ‘emergency’ they had left for was because they needed to buy tuxedos, Mingyu looked over Jungkook’s shoulder, trailing his eyes along Wonwoo’s aesthetically-pleasing figure and _that_ mind that it contained. Everyone else in line may just have been a body or a blob. But Wonwoo was just standing there like a statue, not needing to move around to get his attention. His appearance itself made a part of Mingyu want to step forward and the other part want to step back. Wonwoo was polarizing; a combination of inviting curiosity much like a flame, and an uncomfortable burn, like cold wind blowing in his face. But the football player wouldn't let the sight of Wonwo get in the way of his mission. He wouldn’t be intimidated nor captivated by the shorter boy’s beauty. Not today.

It didn’t help to encourage Mingyu when Wonwoo turned around slightly with his arms crossed to look at him. Jimin’s side had been facing them as he turned to talk to Wonwoo. The blonde must have asked Wonwoo who they were before turning to wave at him. Mingyu had taken it as an opportunity to walk towards him since Jimin was his coworker. That was when Wonwoo craned his neck to look at him. 

His eyes were full but the lids around them were relaxed while his eyebrows were level and unanimated. Wonwoo’s face neither showed any lines in it or contorted into any expression of emotion. It was like he thought of Mingyu as just another person waiting in line.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Jimin cracked a grin, fixing his hat as he turned to him.

Mingyu set the bag in his hand down, putting both hands in his pockets and inhaling a breath.

“Me and my friends got suits for our school’s dance Friday. You should come.” 

Jimin beamed but then his smile died as he realized something.

“Who’s gonna invite me? Wouldn’t I need to have a date from your school?”

“Jungkook can bring you.”

Wonwoo’s head shifted slightly, probably because he was now actually processing what he was saying, Mingyu thought. He just needed to get his damn attention…

“Wouldn’t that be rushing things?” Jimin asked, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Rushing what?” Mingyu eyed him, wanting the blonde to outright admit the interest that he had in his friend so that they could get on with it already. 

“You’ve seen it right? Jungkook and I have something. It’s weird, I know. But it’s there. I don’t want to jump too far and do something that’s going to ruin my chances.”

“You think going to the dance with Jungkook will ruin your chances? You’re not thinking straight Park.” Mingyu chuckled lightly. “It’s a big deal, it’ll make you. Only good things will go on from there.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know man. I guess you could turn those sparks into fireworks.” 

Jimin huffed, crossing his arms as he shifted slightly.

“I don’t even have his number yet.”

The taller shrugged. 

“Everyone has to start at level one.” 

At that, Mingyu could see the corner of Wonwoo’s mouth turn downwards as if he had put a bad taste in his mouth.

Wonwoo had every reason too he guessed. Scratch that. He knew Wonwoo had every reason to. Wonwoo wasn’t just going to turn around and smile at him like nothing happened between them. He knew the black-haired boy wasn’t with Jaehyun anymore but still, Wonwoo probably held a grudge against him for having beaten the guy to a pulp. And was only a sliver of the whole cake. Forget beating up Wonwoo’s boyfriend, he knew he had constantly taunted him, was rude to him, and even said he hated him. Why should Wonwoo bother to talk to him? 

He had to give him a reason, and the reason was in his backpack.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ll take your advice.” Jimin replied, lifting his hat to comb a hand through his hair. His coworker turned to look behind him to see Jungkook still scolding his friends while Mingyu unzipped his backpack and felt around for the book he had with him. Feeling the smooth cover of it, Mingyu grinned as he took it out, bringing it over his shoulder and level with Wonwoo’s waist. 

He wasn’t going to just tap Wonwoo on the shoulder. That would be boring.

He decided to play it cool, wanting to get a little fun out of returning it. It would be harmless anyways.

The football player pressed the book against Wonwoo’s lower back but it was to no avail. The black-haired boy didn’t flinch.

On the other hand, Wonwoo felt something prod his back but he knew Mingyu couldn’t have been that bold enough to try and play games with him. After it poked him for a third time, he looked down at the curl of his arms where a book was floating in the air. Who the hell was really behind him?

Mingyu was crossing the line.

He turned around, taking it lightly from Mingyu who had been holding it out towards him. He didn’t even bother to read the title, knowing it was already his from the cover art. Instead, he chose to admire the hand that gave the book to him. Even if Mingyu had gotten an office job, football practice had marred the athlete’s hand with callouses and dark marks. He had dreamed about those hands. Dreaming that every day - when Mingyu visited him after practice, he’d rub and soothe those hands. His face grimaced at the thought of how worried he’d be about the chances of Mingyu getting a concussion one day that would end his career. Even if those dreams were full of differing emotions, he savored them, never forgetting them when he woke up.

But most of all, he wanted to hold it against his face, to feel Mingyu’s hand against his cheek as he closed his eyes and used it as a pillow. Mingyu was so close to him now…

The black-haired boy smiled and his eyes slowly rose towards the taller boy in front of him.

Mingyu held his breath, watching with a slightly opened mouth as Wonwoo looked up at him with an appreciative grin.

“I forgot about this.” 

The football player grinned widely, bearing his teeth just as Wonwoo had done. It was not simply because the shorter boy’s smile was contagious, but because he had felt the connection. It was like two wires had sparked when they were put together. But the moment only lasted for a few seconds. 

“Yeah uh- I found it under my bed. For a second I thought I could actually read.” Mingyu chuckled, holding the top of his head as the other hand stayed in his pocket. 

Wonwoo’s lips sealed shut again with a grin lingering on his face as he looked down at the book. As much as the black-haired boy wanted to laugh along with the taller, he forbade himself from doing so. Mingyu was not a friend. 

He watched as Wonwoo’s smile waned, devolving back to it’s usual neutrality. Mingyu thought it was a tragedy in itself; the loss of that smile.

“I hadn’t finished reading it and now I can, thank you.” Wonwoo said plainly, turning on the balls of his feet to step forward as the line began to move. 

“What’s it about?” Mingyu asked, titling his head. He made sure not to seem too interested so as to not make Wonwoo uncomfortable. But that made the other look even more bored.

Yet what he didn’t know was that Wonwoo was trying his hardest not to let a drop of sweat roll down his forehead. Nevermind eating in front of his friends or Mingyu’s family, Wonwoo’s brain was on overdrive, trying to cool itself down but heating itself up in the process. 

“I only read a page.” the football player continued. “My attention span isn’t that great.” 

Wonwoo crossed his arms, holding the book in his hand and letting it dangle off to his side underneath them. He looked at Mingyu with subtle suspicion, wondering why Mingyu hadn’t just given him the book and went back to talk to his friends. Why had the football player given him the thing anyways? 

Wonwoo trailed his fingers against the side of his arm and shifted his stance slightly.

“It’s basically a dialogue between Socrates and two generals about what courage is. Laches is the one who says that it’s the ‘endurance of the soul’. But that could be a lot of things.”

“Like what?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow, lowering his chin towards him as he stared into Wonwoo’s soul. The latter felt like shivering but he simply looked away, touching his cheek with his half-open palm. After a couple of seconds Wonwoo’s lips parted slightly as he took a silent breath.

“Like foolish courage, otherwise known as stubbornness. It’s when the soul does something just for the sake of not backing down from something.”

Mingyu smirked.

“Have you ever been foolishly courageous?” he said, stepping closer by a few inches. Even if he was only two inches taller, to anyone else it would have looked as though he was towering over the black-haired boy. 

Wonwoo laughed faintly, although it came out more throaty and from within his chest. His eyelashes grazed his cheeks as his lips puckered together slightly, like Mingyu had just tried and failed at a pick up line. 

Wonwoo could have easily told the taller boy that he had been stubborn in still having a crush on him. But he decided to have some fun with it as well.

“You tell me.”

Mingyu was noticeably caught off guard but only for a second. The taller raised his chin slightly in an attempt to appear as though he was superior to the game that Wonwoo was playing. Although Mingyu was the one who started it. 

It was clear that the shorter boy was rubbing in his face the fact that they had once ‘known’ each other. But Mingyu had a trick up his sleeve.

“Was it when you were too stubborn to leave Jaehyun until now?” 

He watched for any sign of a reaction from Wonwoo; perhaps a twitch in his eye, or a slight bend to his lips. 

There was nothing.

Wonwoo afforded himself no time to look angered or caught off guard, unsurprised that Mingyu would go somewhere uncalled for. He looked at the football player as if he had just been accused and was about to state the facts.

“It was actually the opposite. I barely let him do anything. Don’t you ever tune in to the school gossip? Or do your friends tell you everything that goes on around campus?” 

Mingyu huffed. 

“Sorry, I guess I was just too busy getting ready for the dance.” 

He waited for Wonwoo to ask who he was taking but nothing came out of those sharp, pink lips.

“What did you mean by you ‘barely let him do anything’ to you anyways? Do you mean you didn’t have-”

Wonwoo mockingly gaped at him.

“Your mind’s dirtier than his.” he sighed, not bothering to look at him. His tone may have sounded empty but Mingyu could feel the black-haired boy’s burning indignation. 

“I’m just making sure.” 

Wonwoo eyed him with genuine curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

Mingyu wanted to cover his mouth but knew it would only make him look more suspicious.

_Why the hell did he have to say that?_

“So I can tease you for being a virgin.” Mingyu smirked, not knowing where he was going with it. 

A’las he got a response from the other, but it wasn’t a feather-light smile, nor burning rage. Not even the slightest hint of annoyance. Wonwoo simply looked as though he had thought of something unpleasant. Or perhaps, remembered something unpleasant. 

“I think you’d have to be the most bored person in the world if you have to come up with jokes about someone’s virginity in order to get a laugh out of it.”

Clearly, the joke wasn’t funny.

Mingyu clenched his fist. He had already messed up. He should have just given the book to Wonwoo, smiled, and walked away. 

But he had to work with what he had given himself. Or… throw it all away.

“I may be the most bored person in the world but that’s not why I asked you how you were foolishly courageous.”

“A concession and a compliment? What’s the catch? Is this some prank?” Wonwoo asked bluntly, spotting Seokmin over the taller’s shoulder. “I’d rather you tell me that you hate me ten times over and be done with it. I don’t have time to play games. Waiting in this line seems more interesting.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t hate you.” Mingyu said with determination, stepping to block Wonwoo’s view completely. It was tough for the black-haired boy to look anywhere else besides the broad chest and chiseled face of the football player in front of him. 

“But you don’t love me.” Wonwoo chuckled, daring to look the taller boy in the eye when he said it. The ‘L’ word was something that felt so foreign on his tongue. 

“What are you trying to say?” 

“What are _you_ trying to say Mingyu? If you don’t hate me, and if you don’t love me, then you must be in contempt of me.”

“No.” Mingyu winced, laughing at the other’s reasoning. “What’s with the love-hate thing?” 

Wonwoo’s eyes slowly moved off to the side, and he stared once again into oblivion.

“It was just something I read in an excerpt from Thomas Hobbes. It was a little pamphlet my high school teacher gave me. He said the things that we neither love or hate are things we hold contempt for. So tell me, why are you still talking to me. Don’t take my question as an offence. I’m just curious. There’s no time to beat around the bush. The dance is coming up isn’t it? I’m sure you have other things to do like get flowers and your suit tailored. I don’t know a lot of guys wearing tuxes but it looks like you’re taking this dance seriously. She must be special”

Mingyu chuckled. There was a lot to process right there but he was more concerned with how Wonwoo actually looked more annoyed than curious.

“Yeah. They are.” Mingyu nodded, deciding not to reveal that the special someone was standing right in front of him.

Meanwhile, Wonwoo’s face hardened in response to what Mingyu had said. 

It made Wonwoo wish-

_No. Wishing would never make it so._

He’d just have to hold out. Perhaps it was a good thing. Seeing Mingyu with someone else would make him ‘back off’. He wasn’t the type to get in between two people who loved each other. 

Maybe Wonwoo could make work, no matter how painful the thought was.

Meanwhile, Mingyu scratched the back of his neck.

“About why I’m still here, talking to you… Uhm, I just wanted to not act like a jerk for once.” he said, letting out a shaky breath. 

Wonwoo’s expression didn’t crack. 

“Well, you've succeeded. And you didn’t have to stay and talk to me. Don’t think you owe me anything.” 

The football player shook his head. 

“No, let me make it up to you. I’m glad you’re here because- I want to spend the rest of the day with you. I mean- spend the day on you.” he smiled brightly, forgetting about his own little mess up. 

“I still have money that I saved leftover. Let me get you something. Everything you want today is on me.” 

“But you don’t have to.” Wonwoo replied, trying not to let the warmness in his chest rise to his face. In a few seconds they had already arrived at the front counter where the cashier was anxiously waiting for them to order.

Mingyu shook his head, smirking as he looked Wonwoo right in the eyes. 

“I _want_ to. Now what are you hungry for?” he raised an eyebrow, fishing for his wallet in his pocket.

The shorter boy released a sigh of defeat as he clenched his fists beside him. “I’ll order for myself, thank you.” he scowled. 

Before Wonwoo could turn towards the register, Mingyu already had put a hand on his side, placing it on Wonwoo’s waist. The action prompted the black-haired boy to give him the evil eye but it didn’t last long as he spoke to the cashier. Wonwoo was helpless to protest as Mingyu’s hand fell to the curve of his lower back. Although it wasn’t out of naughtiness, just the mere fact that the football player was too busy staring at him to notice where his hand went. 

Wonwoo asked for the lunch special while Mingyu leaned against the counter, tapping his wallet against the marble as he watched the other boy smile and say ‘thank you’ to the cashier. He couldn’t help but grin widely at how kind and gentle Wonwoo was, even to people who he didn’t need to be kind and gentle to. 

Wonwoo was about to reach for the money in his wallet when the football player moved in between him and the counter, telling the girl what he wanted before showing his own wallet and paying. Wonwoo was annoyed at the very least, not wanting to be done with being angry at the taller. If Mingyu paid for him it felt like he didn’t have an excuse to be angry anymore. 

He also didn’t want the football player spending the money he had earned on him. Wonwoo fretted over that more than the fact that he couldn’t hold a grudge any longer. 

Mingyu watched as Wonwoo’s expression changed from cold and murderous to a purely amiable one as the shorter boy put three dollars in the tip jar while waving goodbye. 

He began to walk towards the place the food was being served as Wonwoo stuffed everything back in his own wallet. The shorter actually missed Mingyu’s hand being on him. The loss of its warmth on his lower back felt cruel.

Mingyu huffed to himself as he heard Wonwoo tell the girl to have a good day, even when it was her job to say that first.

Wonwoo was definitely a saint. 

“Thanks for paying, now that’s it. I hope you feel better now.” the voice behind him scoffed.

Mingyu smirked.

Finally, he struck a chord. 

“It’s not over yet. You’re eating with us too. You aren’t going anywhere Little Red.”

“You’re sick.” 

_Just lovesick_.

“I really don’t understand you.” the shorter continued. “You’re worse than my philosophy class.” Wonwoo crossed his arms, pouting as Mingyu refused to hand him his food right away. The football player brought it over to an empty table to which his friends followed him to, whispering to each other as they walked behind them.

Wonwoo knew he couldn’t just take the food and leave. Mingyu really was being sweet for once.

To make matters worse, Mingyu had the guts to pull out a chair for him, inciting Jungkook to eye Mingyu with suspicion as the rest ‘ooh’ed them and snickered. 

“Is your date really that special if you’re acting chivalrous to someone you barely even know?” Wonwoo asked, not caring about the delicious smell of the food that Mingyu had just opened. As he waited for Mingyu to respond, he watched as the taller boy set everything up, going to the lengths of opening his plasticware and straw wrappers as well as fanning it with his hand to cool it down. Was Mingyu going to chew his food for him too?

“You’re not someone I barely even know. You’re special too.” 

Wonwoo was going to explode, not caring if it ruined his usual cold demeanor. 

“Oh, I was under the impression I wasn’t.” 

“Yeah, sorry about that. Everything that happened in the past few weeks was me being stupid. My bad.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly, sliding the styrofoam box of food towards him.

Wonwoo refrained from letting his eyes twitch. All Mingyu was going to say to him was ‘my bad’? If mingyu had just been ‘stupid’ he couldn’t imagine what would happen when he was actually being ‘smart’. How dangerous was he?

Was everything Mingyu had said to him in his room just a ‘heat of the moment’ kind of thing? Mingyu had basically told him he was the devil incarnate, and now, he was supposed to forget about all that? 

He wouldn’t let himself be dragged into the same pit again. He would not let himself fall for the boy in front of him. Not any further. He just wanted to get out of there, to save himself while he still could.

“Wonu, eat.” Mingyu gritted, actually looking angry for once. He forgot that the taller boy had a temper. Mingyu had been able to mask it really well when they were friends. 

Imagine if it was because of him?

Wonwoo really wanted to pinch himself. He needed to wake up. 

Yet the scene playing out in front of him wasn’t the same as it had been in his dreams or his memories. It didn’t feel right. The conflict… it had all over with too soon. Barely nothing had been said. Barely nothing had been done. The peace that had followed was more like the calm before the storm. It was a false peace. It was an illusion; a nightmare. 

It wasn’t like that day they had pizza together. No, he felt free and lively then. But now, he became anxious all of a sudden.

Was he supposed to eat in front of the guy? 

It seemed like torture. Eating was when he felt most vulnerable. He’d rather be naked. It was already a struggle just talking to the cashier. Why was there a new challenge around every corner? 

Why was he getting so emotional? Was he really this weak? Could some knucklehead on the football team make him like _this_?

Except it had always there, lying dormant in him. Until Mingyu came along that was. And now it was ruining him. 

Yet the problem was not only internal. His face had gotten slightly flushed, and sweat had accumulated on his forehead, soaking the tips of the strands of hair at the top. 

Mingyu was going to notice, but he couldn’t draw attention to himself if he tried to wipe it away.

_He had to get out of there._

“Wonu, you okay?” Mingyu asked, voice now full of concern. 

“Yeah, food’s hot.” he replied, forcing a smile. 

Mingyu thought he looked beautiful with the blush on his cheeks, or at least, he thought it was a blush. He wasn’t going to embarrass Wonwoo any more than he already looked. Or himself for that matter.

“I’ll just save it for later. Thanks again. I really appreciate it.” Wonwoo said, not believing that the words were coming out of his mouth, not when Mingyu’s voice was ringing in his head. Telling him that he hated him. Mingyu was the boy who got mad at him at the party for keeping him from ‘having a good time’. The same boy who went off that night and slept with someone. Who had tried to mentally destroy him. Any man who sought to destroy something was evil and he swore never to compromise it, only wash it down the drain, just like all of the memories from the past, recent and distant.

But he was going to be nice, even if his voice was weak and quavering.

“You’re staying with your friends right?” Wonwoo breathed, shifting in his seat as he prepared to stand up.

“Yeah, why?”

“I was thinking about hitting the road.”

“What? No Wonu. You gotta stay here.” a voice said from across from him at an adjacent table. This time it was Jungkook who had been giggling with Jimin before he heard Wonwoo’s chair scratch the floor.

“Yeah, Wonwoo, stay with us. Mingyu likes your company.” Yugyeom snickered.

“Thanks guys, but I- I don’t-” Wonwoo stopped, breath hitching as his eyes darted towards Mingyu who was still sitting down, looking up at him like he was about to faint. If only he could, Wonwoo thought. Then Mingyu would finally be able to hold him. He’d finally succumb to the poison and die in a peaceful sleep.

Wonwoo internally laughed. If eating was bad, crumbling in front of the boy he loved was even worse. To think that only minutes ago he was cold and indifferent. 

“Wonwoo, if you want to go home I can drive you.” Mingyu said, furrowing his brows. His legs shifted as well while palms balled into fists. Everyone suddenly became tense. 

“It’s fine.”

“But you don’t have your car with you.” Jungkook interjected.

Curse him.

“Oh yeah.” Wonwoo said, finally managing to calm himself down.

“You sure you’re okay Wonu? I don’t mind taking you home. It’s the least I can do.” Mingyu pressed once more. 

How dare he call him that. He cringed when Mingyu called him that. What made the guy think that he could get away with it? 

He would never grant anyone the power to hurt him. Never. 

He might as well have stayed and gone along with them. If he was really impervious and under control as he expected himself to be, he could hold out for a little while longer. 

VIII

“This place’s name always makes me laugh.” Jungkook smiled. “There’s just something about it.”

Jimin chuckled.

“What? Tilly’s?” 

Mingyu’s group had gone off to GameStop while he split up from them, deciding to tag along with Jimin to go see Jungkook and Wonwoo buy clothes. Well, Jimin was only a cover. And he couldn’t care less about Jungkook. It was Wonwoo who he wanted to be with. And not just because Wonwoo would come out of the dressing room looking like his daddy’s perfect fashion model. But because he simply liked being in the black-haired boy’s presence. Was that a crime? 

Mingyu didn’t know why it had to be so complicated to explain. 

He only knew that he was at the most chic yet affordable clothing store in the area. He wondered if they had anything from Mr. Jeon’s company.

There was nothing interesting in speculation, not when the most beautiful human being was standing right there in front of him arguing with his friend. 

“No! I’m not wearing that. And as you know I’m not a picky person but that’s hideous!” 

“It’s called fashion. You should know.” 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“I don’t actually believe in the product I’m selling.” he snickered.

“Wait til I tell your dad.”

“He’d kill me.” Wonwoo grinned.

“Just try it. For me and Jimin. We’ll cheer you on no matter what.”

“And me.” Mingyu butted in, pointing to himself with his thumb.

Wonwoo wasn’t even going to tease Mingyu by trying on what Jungkook suggested. He didn’t want to be there at all. But he supposed he’d do anything if it made their stay at the place shorter, even if it meant that his crush would be laughing at him for looking so stupid. 

Mingyu on the other hand let his ‘dark side’ get the best of him, biting his lips as he eyed the fabric in Wonwoo’s hands. 

He shook the feeling off and crossed his arms, leaning against the end of a clothing rack as he listened in to the conversation between his two friends. 

After five minutes passed, a few groans of annoyance and the sound of clothes ruffling came from the dressing room twenty feet away, prompting their heads to turn to the birch wood dressing room doors. 

“Everyone close your eyes except Jungkook.” Wonwoo barked, prompting them all to freeze in fear.

Jimin was happy to oblige as he didn’t want to look at anyone else besides Jungkook, nor did he want to send the wrong message.

Meanwhile Mingyu was reluctant to do so. It wasn’t like he wanted to see the hot piece of meat that was Wonwoo standing there looking ravishing. He simply wanted to see what the fuss was all about and if Wonwoo was overreacting. He probably was but he covered his eyes out of respect. He was facing away from the dressing room door, still leaning against the clothing rack but his head was tilted in Wonwoo’s direction. Perhaps he could be sneaky and...

_Holy shit._

“This. Is. Not. Appropriate.” Wonwoo gritted, letting Jungkook peak his head around to look at his backside. 

He had to agree, Wonwoo wasn’t kidding. He felt ashamed for taking a glance but he could see Wonwoo’s backside in the mirror on the other wall. Wonwoo’s front side was already mind-blowing enough. But it wasn’t an average cotton shirt that had been cut out, rather, it was faux leather that hugged every part of his upper body, especially the curve of his torso and his hips. But it didn’t stop there. The shirt had been cut out enough considering a sharp triangle had been carved from his collarbone to the center of his torso, showcasing the shadows and curves of his chest and a sliver of his flat and toned abdomen. Below that was a thin black leather belt that encircled his waist like a ring without any holes and with just one buckle in the front that resembled a medallion. He wanted to hold that waist as he-

_Get it together Kim._

Through the cracks between his fingers and in the mirror he could see the long row of cut outs lining Wonwoo’s sides, starting from where the side of his chest and the crease of it - where his torso met his arm - all the way down to his hips where a large patch had been cut out to reveal his waist. It didn’t stop there as the patch went down to the midpoint on the curve of his hips. Even if the area was completely exposed, Mingyu thought the sheer covering Wonwoo’s lower back side was even more damning. In fact, he couldn’t say it was covering it. He was lucky that it wasn’t Wonwoo’s derriere being exposed or else he probably would have flooded the whole floor with his drool. 

What did make his mouth water was the sight of - not just the front - but the the back of Wonwoo’s legs in see-through sheer fabric. Mingyu wanted to thank the mirror. It was right where his legs met his bottom which was clothed in black latex, outlining each round hill. If he looked hard enough he could see the curves of Wonwoo’s globes trying to peek through where the sheer hugged his legs underneath, but he remembered he wasn’t supposed to be looking at all, not simply because Wonwoo was embarrassed, but because it was wrong. 

But those pants.

They were latex… showing how thin Wonwoo’s legs really were towards the bottom. Those thighs may have compensated but it wasn’t enough to stop him from wondering if Wonwoo ate enough. 

Where any rational man would have been concerned by their thinness, they would be completely distracted by how sexualixed Wonwoo’s legs had become. But Mingyu wouldn’t fall for the trap. 

He’d never be able to look at Wonwoo innocently again after this. 

Not unless he bleached his eyes out. 

_Thanks a lot Jungkook._

He hated how shameless Jungkook looked, giggling as he whispered in Wonwoo’s ear.

A second later, Wonwoo was looking over his shoulder and in the mirror and an expression of horror had formed on his face.

“Alright, I thought my legs were fine at least but I guess I’ve shown you enough for today. Glad I could serve as your doll. I hope Jimin thinks it’s a good look for you.” Wonwoo smiled while his eyes twitched. Jimin better not be making Jungkook dress up in things he just wore.

On the other hand, Mingyu got an idea, looking around for something Wonwoo could wear that the shorter boy would like and at the same time not have to make them shield their eyes. Maybe he could save the day after all.

He walked over to the dressing room where Wonwoo had retreated once more, knocking on the birch colored door.

“I’m not wearing a see through catsuit. It’s not Halloween.” he heard Wonwoo scoff, although it came out more melodic than choppy and agitated. 

“It’s me, Mingyu.” he chuckled, hearing Wonwoo’s breath hitch.

“Sorry. I thought you were Jungkook nagging me again. You think since he has Jimin now he’d be distracted.”

He smiled, not letting the thought of Wonwoo being naked and talking to him at the same time come to light in his consciousness. 

“I got something for you. I think you’d look good in it- wait. Not that you didn’t look good last time- I mean- this is better, for you.” he chuckled. “It suits you more.” 

“This better not be a prank.”

“Nah, it’s on me if you want to buy it. I wouldn’t spend money on a prank. Trust me.”

Wonwoo’s sigh echoed off the walls and he muttered a ‘fine’, causing Mingyu to smile like a fool. 

He was met with the angry face of Wonwoo who appeared through the crack of the door as he opened it slightly. He even caught sight of Wonwoo’s exposed shoulders and collarbone as the shorter boy peered out from behind it. He tried not to let the image stain his eyes so he simply handed him the clothes in his hand and turned away from the door right after. 

A few minutes passed but the time was shorter than the last fitting and Wonwoo came out looking like he had just come from the 1920s. He was what the male version of a flapper would have looked like, except the black-haired boy was more elegant and less all over the place. What Mingyu didn’t know is that Wonwoo loved it the instant he took it from him, trying it on like his life depended on it.

The mere sight of Wonwoo took whatever compliment that Mingyu was going to give him right out of his mouth. And if he was going to try to tell Wonwoo he looked good without freaking him out, the football player doubted he’d have the courage to. Mingyu couldn’t even think. Not when he was too stunned to step forward.

Adorned in the shiniest fabrics, Wonwoo glowed even in the weakest light coming from the fluorescent tubes overhead. His black silk suit shined while his sky blue satin waist sash was glossed over, wrapping around the shorter boy’s middle even better than that old belt he was wearing earlier. 

Wonwoo’s pants weren’t too loose, staying straight and tight until the black mulberry silk fabric gathered and wrinkled slightly at his feet. 

What Mingyu liked about it most however was the rarity that was the tiny cape draped over Wonwoo’s backside.see 

A piece of the material wrapped around the area below Wonwoo’s neck in the front, bundling slightly like a scarf. The two ends were connected over Wonwoo’s collarbone by a small chain which made him look regal.

Jungkook gasped while Jimin nodded in approval, prompting Wonwoo to smile shyly. The black-haired boy tried to distract himself from their stares - especially the intensity of Mingyu’s - feeling the tightness of the sash around his waist and observing how nicely the pants fit around him. 

Mingyu couldn’t help but give Wonwoo a toothy grin. If Wonwoo wasn’t analyzing himself then Mingyu would have been caught watching him like some weirdo with his mouth open. 

“Turn around.” the football player said, his grin widening as Wonwoo’s eyes darted towards him in fear. A blush appeared on the black-haired boy’s face but this time it arose from flattery rather than embarrassment. 

It wasn’t even their wedding day and Mingyu wanted him to turn around for him? 

Wonwoo shouldn’t have let his thoughts run wild because his face was growing even hotter.

“Yes, show us the cape.” Jungkook clapped as Jimin put an arm around his shoulders.

Wonwoo wanted to wail in frustration. He had found something he liked but now the crowd wanted to tear him apart for it.

He simply wanted to enjoy the look himself without an audience, but he supposed he should give Jungkook what he wanted for a day. However, that didn’t stop him from giving Mingyu a scowl as punishment for suggesting the idea. He didn’t like people looking at his backside. It was like he was a turtle. Wonwoo wanted to see what and where the enemy was, even if it were his friends. So long as one had eyes, they’d always be a judge.

Sighing, he moved his feet first, bringing his shoulders along soon after as well and letting the cape around his neck come fluttering behind him.

Mingyu got up from where he was leaning against the clothing rack and turned to face Wonwoo completely with his hands in both pockets. He could feel the air shift from the movement. Yet the thing that really got to him was the fruity smell that came off Wonwoo's hair. 

There was nothing he could do to stop himself from being captivated by how the black-haired boy slowly spun around on his feet, letting the cape behind him move and shine as if it was a moving image of moonlight on water. 

Curving around his shoulders it fell down in multiple waves closely knit together, like silk curtains bundling on top of each other at the bottom making it look like waves of light blue caramel being poured one on top of the other. It was short and only covered his back, forming in a ‘U’ shape as the two ends of fabric that were connected by the chain in the front were draped down Wonwoo’s back and met at the bottom. 

The football player had to cross his arms, making it look as though all he was doing was seeing if it was right for Wonwoo instead of looking like he had been ogling him. 

He bit his lips, preventing his jaw from dropping any further. It was a good thing that his friends weren’t there to tease him. He didn’t want to look like more of a monster in front of Wonwoo. Nevermind that, he could go full monster on Wonwoo right then and there. Wonwoo was hot.

He could but he wouldn’t. And that was true power.

“Is it good?” Wonwoo asked, smoothing out the wrinkles that had formed on the pants. 

Mingyu let out a breath between his canines.

“Beautiful.” 

Wonwoo scoffed.

“Alright, can we just all assume that everything I wear is ugly so we don’t need to rub it in my face all the time.” 

“What- no! I mean-“

What was he going to do? Tell Wonwoo he was beautiful again or say he was only being nice? 

_Great_.

“I think you look beautiful.” Mingyu said shameless breath, voice losing all of its defensiveness in an instant as his eyes met Wonwoo’s. Both of their eyes softened, and their shoulders fell. It was like it was just the two of them in the room. 

Wonwoo lowered his chin in submission as he clasped his hands behind his back. He was held prisoner by the taller boy. Even if he made himself small, Wonwoo’s eyes couldn’t leave Mingyu’s. They couldn’t, never again. 

The football player raised his chin and grinned, walking over to take his prize. At least, that’s what it looked like to Wonwoo. That’s what he hoped it was.

Wonwoo's eyes closed shut as if he was grimacing, ready for the taller to take his body in his hands and kiss him. He flinched as two warm fingers touched his cold collarbone. He wanted to melt into the touch but he shivered. He heard the chain jingle slightly beneath his chin and he felt its coldness move across his collar. Did Mingyu like to scare his prey to death?

He looked down to see that Mingyu had straightened the chain out, finally releasing the breath he had been holding. 

“Thanks.” Wonwoo said, trying not to laugh. The moment was just too funny. 

Mingyu watched as the shorter’s chest rose up and down like he was on an adrenaline rush. Wonwoo really did like him. It may have looked like he was teasing the black-haired boy but that wasn’t the case. There would be time for fun and games when they were together if the day ever came. He just needed to know whether Seokmin was right. 

He saw Wonwoo’s eyes glimmer with some unknown emotion. It looked like it was rare, perhaps special. It was like that look was meant only for him; only he could evoke the jumble of emotions within Wonwoo’s eyes. Only he could confuse him. 

“You should wear this to a book party or something. You’d actually be the center of attention.” Mingyu chuckled.

Wonwoo tried to stop the smile from forming on his face. He managed to stop himself from showing any teeth but Mingyu loved the way the black-haired boy's lips curved, enticing him towards them. 

Even if Wonwoo was smiling, he was truly shocked on the inside. It was impossible not to be, not when Mingyu’s fingers were still holding the chain; thick and hard fingers still rubbing against his collarbone. 

“I think I’m getting too much attention.” Wonwoo laughed but it was barely audible. Yet Mingyu could finally see his shining teeth faintly below those delectable lips. 

Mingyu’s eyes narrowed.

“I think you’ve gone without it for too long. You deserve attention.”

His breath fell against the black-haired boy’s cheeks, it was like Mingyu was speaking in his ear.

“No-” Wonwoo shook his head, still smiling. “I don’t know what you’re doing but you should stop. Before this prank goes overboard.” 

“It’s not a prank.” Mingyu huffed. “I want to be friends again.”

“I don’t understand. Did you suddenly wake up one day thinking you’d do this?” 

“Do what?”

“Be so… philandering.” 

Mingyu grinned.

“You’re gonna have to use smaller words Won.”

Wonwoo’s lips went crooked and he rolled his eyes.

“You know what I mean.” the black-haired boy replied, turning around back towards the dressing room.

“But I don’t.” Mingyu huffed, crossing his arms.

Wonwoo stopped in the midst of his turn, slowly looking over his shoulder to give Mingyu that same look of indifference that he gave everyone when he was bored. 

“Look it up.” 

He said it with almost a pop to his lips, straightening his posture and continuing enroute to the dressing room.

All Mingyu could do was gape as he watched Wonwoo take his sweet time walking towards the door. 

Releasing a breath, he let out a low whistle, entranced by the flowing waves of the black-haired boy’s cape. 

The next thing he knew he was standing at the counter with his wallet out, grinning at the way Wonwoo shyly handed the outfit over to the cashier.

With a pinch of enthusiasm, Wonwoo leaned forward on the countertop with both hands, inhaling a breath.

“I’ll take it.” 

VIV

They spent a whole minute arguing about who should pay, and then right after that, spent another five minutes arguing about how much it cost and how it could be ruined easily.

“Look, I don’t care about the cost. I wanted to buy you something you liked.”

“Well I think it was too expensive. We should return it-”

“No. I want to see you wear it.” Mingyu growled, holding Wonwoo’s wrist as he was just about to spin around.

The shorter boy’s head whipped back not out of pain but out of realization.

_Fuck_

“What did you just say?” Wonwoo asked, eyes still soft and relaxed but his brows were raised. There wasn’t any malice in his tone nor was there any real interest. Wonwoo was good at masking it. He acted as though Mingyu had asked him a simple question and he hadn’t heard it clearly.  
  


The football player wasn’t going to back down either way.

“I think you’d look nice in it.”

“And why should I care?” Wonwoo hummed, lips bending slightly. This time Wonwoo was the one who stepped to confront the taller. The black-haired boy was certainly goading him. 

He glared down at Wonwoo.

“Because I bought it for you. At least respect it as a gift from me.” Mingyu gritted.

Wonwoo was going to tremble from the hardness in the taller’s voice but opted not to show any weakness. He merely let out a humph, grinning as he put a hand on his hips.

“Alright.” Wonwoo replied. His voice was as light as a feather with a tinge of amusement. 

“Good. Don’t ever say ‘no’ to me again.” Mingyu smirked. 

“As if there will be a next time.” 

He chuckled.

“You’re really confident aren’t you?”

Wonwoo didn’t say anything, breathing out from his nose as he closed his eyes and smiled.

“Aren’t you going to go back to your friends?”

Mingyu shook his head.

“And do what? Look at a bunch of video games when I could be here talking to you?”

Wonwoo’s head fell back in laughter. Then he turned to Mingyu, still in disbelief that the football player was still next to him. 

_How long would it last?_

“I figured you’re friends would be doing something more interesting then walking around aimlessly with two lovebirds flocking behind you.”

Mingyu looked over his shoulder to watch the other two boys behind them. Jimin hadn’t been paying much attention to where he was going as he was too busy watching Jungkook think of an answer to one of his questions. The blonde stumbled into a trashcan, hitting his foot against it and wincing.

Jungkook broke out in laughter while Jimin could only smile fondly at him.

He wished him and Wonwoo could be like that. He didn’t care if he was a fool who was in love, he was a courageous fool. If that made any sense. 

“Nah.” Mingyu snickered. “You’re more interesting.” 

“I’m so honored.” Wonwoo said wistfully, letting the bag in his hand sway as he walked.

He could do the small talk with Wonwoo all day if he wanted to, but now, he wanted to get straight to the point.

“You ever been in love with someone?” 

The air got caught in Wonwoo’s throat and the shorter boy emitted a choked sound. He turned his head to look up at him like he was insane. Yet the look of suspicion Wonwoo gave him was electrifying. 

“I guess so. But I don’t know what love exactly is or if what I felt was love. All I know is that what I felt made me really stupid.”

“Like a courageous fool?” 

Wonwoo laughed.

“Maybe just a stubborn one. You know, one of those guys in that book I was reading said courage was the knowledge of fear and hope. You’d have to know what you’re afraid of or hoping for exactly, so you can’t be a fool because that means you’d be ignorant. And someone who’s a fool can’t be courageous.”

“But if you were stubborn, that means you were acting irrational?” 

“Yes, and I still am.” 

Mingyu had a clue where Wonwoo was going but he decided not to go any further. He didn’t want to risk jeopardizing the future.

“Wow, you being irrational? I never could have imagined that.”

“I know. But I wish I was all the time.”

“You wish you were stupid?” Mingyu arched an eyebrow.

“If I was stupid, I wouldn’t be afraid or worried.”

“Of what?”

“About everything.”

Mingyu knew it was a revelation that shouldn’t have been taken lightly, but he couldn't stop himself from beaming with pride. Wonwoo had opened up to him, even if it was a little sliver of knowledge that he revealed. Still, Wonwoo trusted him. _Still_ trusted him. 

He wanted to fist-pump the air. It was better than getting a kiss from him.

_Maybe._

Wonwoo’s lips did look like they needed a firm kissing. 

“You seem fine to me.” Mingyu shrugged yet his expression was gentle.

“It takes a lot.” Wonwoo chuckled. “I’m always nervous about everything. That’s- that’s why I wanted to leave. It was my fault. It’s just always there, nagging me.”

“What is?”

“The feeling that’s always in the back of my head. Heck, there are a lot of feelings I have. But, I know they’re irrational, like the fear that I have of everything. They still stay in the back of my mind of course. Like they live under the rug.” 

“Well, I’m back now.” Mingyu smiled lightly, holding out his arms to show Wonwoo that he was real and not an illusion. 

“You don’t have to be afraid of anything. Even though I don’t know exactly what it is, I want to be back in your life as a friend.”

Wonwoo lowered his eyes.

He had already revealed enough to the enemy. Mingyu could use everything he had said against him. If that was the case, why provoke the guy? He should just accept him as a friend again. Make him an ally.

_No._

He would not compromise with evil. How could all of the things Mingyu had said to him in his room; about wanting to hurt him, that the boy hated him so much that he’d do anything to get revenge on him… How were all those things not deep-rooted? People could reveal a lot when they were angry.

But was he super-imposing all of his values on the world? Was he demanding too much from the weak-willed and feeble. Was he expecting a sheep to do the impossible?

_No._

He didn’t care if he demanded the impossible. It was _his_ demand. It was what he wanted. Why should he have felt ashamed for something he wanted? It wasn’t money, fame, or praise. It was for a man who was better than him to recognize the value he could add to their life. 

He could not allow himself to rationalize evil. There was no room for excuses. Evil would win twice if it got him to believe that he was the problem; that he needed to give up his standards for the sake of those who could not meet them, that he needed to sacrifice what he valued for someone who did not know their right from their left. If someone wanted him to compromise, then they could go to hell. 

He had expected so much from Mingyu. Yet now, the tables had turned, and Mingyu expected him to forget that he had been rotten? 

_“Some things are not forgivable_

_Deliberate cruelty is not forgivable.”_

He would not mix holy water with sludge from the gutter. He would not be dragged into the hole that another dug for himself. He couldn’t just sit around and let someone do anything they wanted to him. Mingyu was simply another Jaehyun. There was no ideal man. It was all a dream. A nightmare. Why did this have to happen to him? Why couldn’t he just be dumb and happy?

_“You don’t have to be afraid of anything. Even though I don’t know exactly what it is, I want to be back in your life as a friend.”_

“Of course.” Wonwoo nodded, giving Mingyu that same nod that he had given Jaehyun in the library. He looked at Mingyu like he was a child making another promise that he’d break the next second. He would have punished himself weeks ago for ever thinking like that but he had come to the conclusion that it was true.

“So we’re friends again?” the taller beamed, speeding up slightly and turning to block his path. 

“It depends on how you define the word ‘friend.” Wonwoo replied, continuing to walk straight, not even batting an eyelash.

Mingyu tried not to look defeated, stepping aside to allow the black-haired boy through. He shoved his hands back in his pockets and followed him around the corner, wondering if he should still try and talk to Wonwoo or go back and see what Jimin and Jungkook were chatting about. 

“Yo, check this out.” he heard Jimin gasp, tugging Jungkook along as they rushed past him. 

The entire boulevard was cleared of any furniture, carpets, stands or carts, making way for a shiny orange sports car. 

The smell of its tires was overwhelming yet fresh. He could even smell the leather seats as he walked up to it. 

“It’s a Nissan GT-R.” Jimin said, crouching down to look at the sign with the car’s specs on it.

Mingyu could already imagine taking Wonwoo on rides all around the city. He’d have all the windows open allowing the warm air of the summer come in while they were on the highway, admiring the view of the skyline. He knew Wonwoo liked looking at the buildings from his room’s window. He wanted to show him so much more. He wanted to see Wonwoo in awe of everything around him. It was the most beautiful sight he could think of. 

“How much is it?” he asked, hand instinctively touching his wallet.

“Eighty-thousand.” 

“What?” Wonwoo gawked. “I would lose my respect for anyone who buys this car. You don’t need a bigger sign that you’re a dickhead if you drive this around.” 

Mingyu looked insulted.

“You’re like the richest person here.” he huffed.

“Maybe my dad has money but I don’t spend much on anything. For your information I am really frugal.”

“Yeah, Wonwoo’s cheap if you haven’t noticed.” Jungkook snickered.

He guessed that was probably why the black-haired boy fought with him about the price of his clothes. 

If his plan was successful, he swore to himself that he’d spoil Wonwoo everyday that they were together. Once he was promoted, he’d make sure to buy something and bring it home to him. It didn’t matter if it was the most expensive bracelet or a seventy-dollar hardcover philosophy book that some old guy wrote. He wouldn’t even have to be reminded to buy things for Wonwoo. he loved him that much.

“Whatever.” Mingyu crossed his arms. “Someday when I’m rich, I’ll get this. Mark my words.”

“But you already have a monster truck as a car? You want this thing?” Jimin asked, scratching his head.

“I’m not gonna drive my date around in my truck.” Mingyu snorted. 

“At least you have class” Jungkook rolled his eyes, earning a playful look of disappointment from Wonwoo. As much as he hated what Mingyu did he didn’t want to belittle him. 

Yet on another note, he’d drop everything and hop in Mingyu’s pickup truck. He didn’t care if it was a garbage truck, he’d be grateful just to be in the same car as the football player. After everything that had raced through his mind in the past couple of hours, he could make do with a fantasy. Anything that would sooth his mind. 

Raising a brow at Jungkook’s remark, Mingyu chuckled to himself. He couldn't wait to tell him that he was the reason he and Jimin had met. But that could wait.

“Hey, Jimin.” Mingyu called out to his friend. “Mind taking a picture of me in front of this thing?”

“Sure.” Jimin smiled, knowing it was the cringiest thing.

Wonwoo stood further away, unamused as he watched Mingyu stand in front of the car like he owned it. He suppressed a laugh when the football player held up his two hands and began making gangster signs. 

“Get over yourself.” Wonwoo muttered under his breath, prompting the taller to narrow his eyes.

“What was that?” 

Wonwoo wasn’t going to explain himself.

“I think it’s funny that people would actually pose in front of a car that isn’t theirs and pretend like they are in a music video.”

“You’re obviously no fun.” Mingyu huffed. 

“If I was ten years old, maybe.” 

“Did you ever play pretend when you were a kid?” 

_Pretend? What was that?_

Mingyu exhaled.

“Nevermind. Who’s driving you home?”

“Not you.” 

“Ouch, what did I do?”

Wonwoo smiled.

“Nothing, Kookie said he’d drive me… if he doesn’t leave his car here to go home with Jimin.”

_He better not. If Jimin was so great then Jungkook could wait._

“Oh.” Mingyu chuckled sheepishly. “When are you leaving?”

“It’s up to Kookie, he’s the driver.” Wonwoo replied, turning towards his friend for an answer. 

“I’ll get going now. I’m wiped from all that walking around.” Jungkook inhaled a tired breath.

Mingyu supposed he was playing hard to get with Jimin, just like Wonwoo was. Well, it was most likely that. He noticed how Jungkook wouldn’t let Jimin put a hand on his back. Not even the most innocent and friendly gestures flew with Jungkook. But was it really Jungkook? Or was it Wonwoo who had been eyeing Jimin everytime the blonde tried to make a move. 

Wonwoo was too much to handle. What better friend could Jungkook have wished for? 

“Alright, I’ll hit the road too. You sure you don’t want me to take Wonwoo off your hands?” 

“More like get your hands off Wonwoo.” Jungkook scoffed, instantly hunching over as he tried to protect himself from the tickle storm Jimin was giving him.

“Hey that’s my friend Kookie, don’t be mean.”

“Make me.” Jungkook said, sticking his tongue out in a last ditch effort of defiance.

Jimin grinned.

“Oh yeah?” 

The next minute or so all that could be heard was Jungkook’s billowing laughter and cries for help. 

Wonwoo turned away from the fiasco, feeling as though he himself were on the brunt of Jimin’s attack.

Yet when he turned he realized he had to face Mingyu.

Their eyes made contact for a brief second before Wonwoo whipped back around, anxiously waiting for Jimin to be done with his revenge.

“Alright guys.” Wonwoo started, playing with his fingers. “Kookie, are you coming?”

There was no response, just cackling laughter.

“Jimin? Have you gotten it out of your system.” Wonwoo smiled, although he looked as though he was about to murder somebody.

Again, there was nothing. Until…

“Sorry Won, you trust Mingyu don’t you? After today, I would. Any guy who buys you four-hundred dollars worth of clothes on the first date is like the number one boyfriend.” 

At that, both Wonwoo and Mingyu blushed, while the former subtly stepped away from the latter. Not to mention, Jimin only resumed his attack since it was an obvious jab towards him.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Wonwoo gritted. “I’ll be waiting in the car. Take your time though. I don’t want to rush you.” 

If he was going to ruin their moment together he might as well pay for ice cream later or something. He looked down to make sure he had enough money in his wallet.

Wonwoo then turned to the taller boy behind him.

“Thanks, I still feel kind of bad still. It was a lot of money you spent and just to be friends again?”

Mingyu chuckled.

“It means a lot to me. And I hope it does to you.”

Wonwoo bit his lip as he struggled to find the right words.

“Look, I know you worked hard for that money. That’s the thing. You’re giving your money away to someone that you shouldn’t be investing in. Money has meaning, it's the value you’ve created with your own effort. I don’t know why you think I should have it. And you know I’m not the type of person to be bought. If that was your plan you should take the money back.”

Mingyu clenched his fists slightly, frustrated with how Wonwoo wasn’t getting it.

“I’m not trying to buy your friendship. I wanted to show you that I’m putting everything into being friends again with you. Even if the investment is risky, I want you to know that I don’t care about the money, or my energy. I want you to know that I’m all in this for you.” 

To Wonwoo, the only thing that wasn’t in the game was Mingyu’s head. Did Mingyu hit it on something? Did he really not remember the past or did he really not have the guts to own up to his faults? 

Well, neither did he have the guts to come clean. But Wonwoo reminded himself that he would release everything he had been holding up inside once he found the person who would lend him their shoulder. 

“There’s a lot we need to talk about, if you really want us to be back at being friends.”

Mingyu knew he meant much more than that, but accepted it as it was. Even if the day had ended in defeat for him, he had made some progress. Hopefully Wonwoo could see him as a good person again and not some punk. 

His legs felt like jello as Wonwoo waved at him with only his fingers. Did Wonwoo have to act so unknowingly seductive? 

Mingyu waved to Jungkook - even if the other scoffed at him - and gave a nod towards Jimin as if it were some kind of pat on the back for getting on Jungkook’s good side. It was an accomplishment to get that close to him in only a day.

But the most overwhelming feeling of happiness came from just watching Wonwoo walk away. They had ended the day on a good note at least, even if he hadn’t kissed him yet.

His legs felt like jello, and not because Wonwoo had basically just left the door open for their friendship to be rebuilt, but because he dreaded tomorrow. A discussion was something he wouldn’t fare well in. He could tackle all of the quarterbacks and guardsmen he wanted to but he couldn’t tackle big ideas, hence why he and Wonwoo were opposites he guessed. 

Talking it out just wasn’t his thing. Maybe that was why the first time he had flirted with Tzuyu, all he had to do was make Wonwoo smile and giggle and it was all over with. But now, that wouldn’t work. 

If that was the case, he didn’t know what a bunch of flowers were going to do if all Wonwoo wanted was to talk. But he found himself walking towards the flower shop anyways, even if flowers would do nothing to protect him from the black-haired boy’s wrath. Wonwoo could utterly destroy him with words. Everyone knew it ever since he flipped out on Jaehyun at the party.

He just hoped Wonwoo liked roses. Roses were only the icing on the cake though as he planned to-

“Oh my God. Mingyu?” a voice called to him. It was obvious that the person had said his name with the hardest smile.

He had just reached the entrance of the flower shop when he saw fishnets and short shorts in the reflective glass of the door. The pair of legs were only one out of the two others he had seen but ignored. His head turned sharply in annoyance.

“What’s up?” 

Chaeyeon gave him what looked to be a mix between a look of disgust and amusement. Meanwhile her friends exchanged playful glances.

“What are you doing here?”

“Buying flowers.”

“Funny. I figured you’d be playing laser tag. Did you know they have that here? We should play together. Girls versus boys.” she laughed lightly, brushing a strand of her black hair behind her ear. “Where are your buddies anyways?” 

“No, I didn’t know. And they were somewhere. I forget.”

“Must be some girl huh?” Chaeyeon smirked. 

“What?” he said, growing more agitated than confused.

“The girl you’re buying flowers for. She must be something if she makes you forget about your friends like that. Did they not want to come along with you or are you keeping it a secret?”

Mingyu shoved his hands in his pockets, blowing out a breath.

“It’s not a secret.”

“Then who is it?”

“It’s not a girl. I’ll tell you that.”

Chaeyeon grimaced.

“What? Don’t play games with me now Mingyu. The dance is two days away.”

“That’s why I’m here and that’s why you should get going.” 

“You’re really rude, did you know that?”

“Thanks for telling me. But I’m rude only to people I don’t like.”

She giggled.

“So now I’m supposed to believe you didn’t like how I boosted your ego? How I made you think that you were worth going braless and sticking my ass out for? You didn’t like any of that?”

“Not anymore.” Mingyu huffed. “I was in a dark place and you were just there to talk to and help me get my pride back.”

“You’re pathetic.” 

“I was.” 

“Are you really free now?” 

“Maybe not. But that’s what commitment is all about.”

“Wise words but they’re just that. Words. Let’s see how your date goes and how much you really believe the shit that’s coming out of your mouth.”

Mingyu chuckled as his hand grabbed for the door handle behind him.

“I believe it just as much as you believe in the shit that goes into yours.” 

At that he let the door close behind him.

He really did believe his own words. He wasn’t going to second guess himself just as Chaeyeon hadn’t bothered to gasp at his vulgarity. She maintained a calm expression like if she had been challenged by him. A confident smile painted her face as her friends still held their mouths in shock. 

It was evident in Chaeyeon’s expression that she didn’t believe Mingyu one bit. There weren’t any good men on earth that could live up to what Mingyu was trying to become. A ‘changed man’ was only a myth; a sweet fable that women could only dream of. He must have been really playing a game if he used that card. It was all just to get on her nerves. It had to be.

Soon, Chaeyeon knew that Mingyu would come back to her. He needed her and she needed him. It was tough being a lonely sinner. Why not love someone just as reprehensible? Who wouldn’t love someone for their vices? Who would want to feel ashamed and alone when one could have someone to suffer with? Someone just as flawed so one could feel better about themself. Was that what love had come to? 

For Wonwoo, he did not want to look down or beside him in order to find the ideal man. The ideal man could only be found by looking up.

Unfortunately, virtue was in short supply these days. And it didn’t help when every excuse for a person’s wrongdoing was the same mantra that people had tried to use in order to crush his vision. 

_“No one is perfect.”_

It didn’t mean Wonwoo would stop searching. And it didn’t mean that Mingyu wouldn’t stop trying to be that perfect man. 

Yet it all depended on how one defined perfection.

________To Be Continued _________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These were the inspirations I had for Wonwoo's second outfit lmao. Because I'm such a nerd I was inspired by Count Dooku's costume from Star Wars and Dagney Taggart's dress from the Atlas Shrugged movie. THE CAPE OMG. I LOVE THE CAPE.
> 
> OMG!!! I hope they weren't too many mistakes. This was really long lol but I tried to look over it thoroughly haha.
> 
> I feel like such a fashion designer. Maybe Nicki Minaj can hire me.


	36. Die Schuldfrage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot in this. You guys might want to take breaks LMAO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol sorry if Wonu sounds like a Shakespeare character at first.
> 
> Also, this is just some music that I thought matched a scene. I mention it so if you want to listen here's the link.
> 
> Swan Lake - music box version  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRFT_iWq5R0
> 
> orchestral version  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cNQFB0TDfY
> 
> Credits to John William Waterhouse - The Soul of the Rose painting

“What just happened today?” He asked, inclining his head towards Jungkook who sat across from him at the frozen yogurt place that they made their second visit to.

“You think I know?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “You guys were the inseparable ones today.” He said, pointing with his spoon. 

Wonwoo gave him a look of distaste.

“I know right? Too bad you and Jimin were the third and fourth wheels. Plus it looked like you hated each other.” 

Jungkook scoffed.

“I’m just saying. For me and Jimin, it was step one on the latter of love. But for you guys, it was like step five.”

“Well you’re on the couples ladder and I’m on the friendship ladder. Don’t forget to make the distinction.” he chuckled, internally wincing as he said it. If he and Mingyu had been dating, he had no doubts that the outpouring of love that he could give to the man was adequate enough to get them to solve their problems. He was logical and rational after all, solving whatever problem they had between them would most likely be easy, but admitting the problem and getting the both of them to _want_ to solve it was a whole other issue.

Wonwoo continued.

“You know I think Mingyu’s still on step one. He doesn’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“That you can’t just be my friend again and pretend like you had a lobotomy and forgot the past.”

Jungkook scratched the side of his head, looking out the window for a second.

“Do you hold a grudge?”

He had asked it so plainly, like he had been asked what his favorite color was. Perhaps Jungkook may have not been trying to provoke him. He had told him about Jun and the argument they had after all. 

“W-what?” he snorted. “No.” 

The other boy released a sigh, turning to look at him as he held the back of his neck. 

  
  


“I’m asking this for you. Do you want Mingyu to feel ashamed and angry at himself? Will that satisfy you?”

Wonwoo chuckled. 

“I know you mean well but I’m not someone who stoops that low. I want this to all be over with, believe me. But I’m not going to compromise my integrity and throw away everything I hold true just to “forgive and forget” about what happened. Things like that don’t fly under the rug with me. I need to know that he is sorry, that he gets it. If someone lies to you, and you forgive them for it but they don’t understand what is wrong about lying, then you obviously don’t have any principles. You must not value honesty. You must love them more than virtue. Do you see why that’s wrong?”

Jungkook pursed his lips as he shrugged.

“Because virtue is what makes you love someone. And I would never value a man without courage more than courage itself. And- now don’t laugh at me, but I think Mingyu is really brave, and… I just know there’s something there. He has something that I can’t articulate. But I know he’s the one. My eyes have done all the work for me. I don’t need to explain why or dissect every detail as to why I love him. He’s like a sculpture.” he gasped with pleasure as he said it, jerking up in his seat. 

“He’s like Atlas, the titan. Whenever I look at him, I know what a hero looks like right away. He’s real. He’s right there next to me. I know what heroism means because he embodies it. He’s the living proof.”

His voice grew more light and airy. It was almost wistful.

“He was supposed to be.” 

Wonwoo chuckled to himself, looking up at Jungkook with a tentative expression.

“Maybe I do need to be brought back to reality. You’d think Mingyu saying all those things would be enough to wake me up to the truth. But I guess I don’t like the truth. I don’t think I could endure it. That’s why I live in a fantasy. I’ll never let my happiness go because in a fantasy…” he swallowed. “I’m happy. It’s mine. No one can take it away.”

Jungkook clasped his hands together, extending them out on the table as he leaned forward. 

“And that’s why we need to find what makes you happy back here on earth. Isn’t philosophy enough? Isn’t that the goal of philosophy?” 

Wonwoo shook his head, ashamed of his true answer. He couldn’t say it.

He was a hypocrite after all. And hypocrisy should have been the deepest level of hell. 

It certainly felt like it.

He kept his head high but he grimaced, eyelashes covering the truth. 

On the other hand, Jungkook looked angry. Very angry.

“If I had a saw I’d cut the whole ladder because there is no way in hell that I’m letting your fantasies come true. We have to find you someone to bring you back to reality.”

Then, the determination on Jungkook’s face changed to delight, as if they were both dreaming.

“You know, someone who’s handsome enough to get your attention and someone who’s smart enough to keep it. You can call it the Jungkook Doctrine.”

He wanted to laugh but he could only smile in defeat.

“I think I’d like that. Who wouldn’t? But, I don’t want to be brought back to reality. You know I’ve asked myself if I had the chance to fall out of love with Mingyu would I? And I told myself no. I didn’t need to think about it. In fact, I couldn’t conceive of anything otherwise. I made the decision as fast as I found out that he was the one when I saw him. I’d say ‘yes’ to him in an instant. I daydream about it all the time. I tell myself how much I love him, how I’ll take care of him when we’re together. I’ll be the one to put his tie on when he goes to work. Even the smallest things I’ll appreciate. I couldn’t care less about roses or sweet nothings. I want to live every second of the day knowing he’s mine and I’m his. I don’t need a fancy ring. I just want him to tell me goodnight, that he’s there next to me. It’s the smallest things that will make him know I love him. All that you could think of. I have thought of and I’ve smiled so much that everyone wonders what could make me so happy. It makes me smile even more as I tell my friends that I’m thinking about him. As if I was proud to. That’s the beauty of a fantasy.” 

Jungkook bit his lip. It may have looked as though he was wincing at the coldness of the frozen yogurt in his mouth, but it was really the pain of knowing that Wonwoo had fallen too hard. 

“So if Mingyu were to disappear, would your life be ruined.”

“No, I’d still love him.”

“So this is about you enjoying the feeling you get when you fantasize about him then?”

Wonwoo held the side of his arm.

“I don’t _fantasize_ about him in any kind of dirty way. I used to- at first.” he said quickly, looking at Jungkook as if he was determined to make his case. “But now, I think my delusion has gotten so bad that I’m treating the thought of him as if he was my husband, who I’m loyal and faithful to. So much so that I’d never think about another man. But- on the bright side, Mingyu has made me all those things. He is the purpose in my life. He’s made me loyal and faithful, something I never thought I could ever do. Years ago I would have been crushing on every single boy but now I have devoted my thoughts and feelings to one person only. He’s made me disciplined you could say. I’m glad, even if it had to happen this way.”

Jungkook tightened his grip around the spoon he was holding. It was like Wonwoo knew he was blindfolded by love so much so that he thought the world was really dark. That love was really blind. Was it? Was the problem love, or was it Wonwoo? 

Not only did Wonwoo believe in a delusion, but he was acting on it as if it were true, like he really was married to Mingyu. The guy hadn’t even reciprocated the feeling. Was Wonwoo that badly ill? 

What if…

“If Mingyu said he loved you tomorrow, would you be with him for the rest of your life?”

Wonwoo nodded slowly. His lips formed into a small pout and the area around his eyes had fallen, becoming lax. Yet his pupils shined fervently, burning with eagerness. Although it was clear that the rest of Wonwoo’s face had already accepted defeat. That Mingyu would never love him back. And worse, that Mingyu was not the ideal man. That he was wrong _again_ about men. That he had been betrayed. 

“What if you found out that Mingyu had a major uncorrectable character flaw? What if you found out that he was an adulterer or something? Something that would repulse you.”

“Then I guess I’d have to drop him.” Wonwoo shrugged. He wasn’t liking the questions. Why couldn’t Jungkook understand that no one would crush his dreams, not even with their own twisted logic or sharp-witted words. He’d never surrender. 

“But your fantasy would find another host. You’d find another man to worship. Wouldn’t you?”

Wonwoo looked up at him with a pained expression.

“Would I?””

“I don’t know.”

“But you do, don’t you? You think you know what’s going on with me. Tell me. We’re friends.”

Jungkook let his shoulders fall as he breathed out calmly. 

It made him relax as well but most of all, he couldn’t feel more grateful that Jungkook was his friend at that moment. Perhaps any other friend would have patted him on the back and tried to assure him that he’d be fine. But Jungkook was a realist. He valued the truth more than anything.

“I think-” he paused, crossing his arms as one finger came up to touch his lips. “I think we need to consider what you said. That you don’t want to be brought back to reality. So, when you find out that Mingyu isn’t the perfect guy, then according to your logic, you’re just going to find another guy to be crazy about. You’ll make them perfect inside your head. It gives you control doesn’t it? You want everything to be perfect because perfection is lacking in the real world. Yet you want to love something that you can’t have because that will perpetuate your delusion. It doesn’t matter if they don’t love you back, you’ll always want to be in love because being in love is bliss. You’ll always be going up to the top on a rollercoaster ride but never down. Is that what it feels like?” 

All that Wonwoo could do was trace imaginary circles in the table with his fingers, processing what Jungkook had told him. It was funny because no matter how much tracing he had done with his fingers, the circle would never be perfect. Plato would have said that it could only be the case in heaven. Aristotle on the other hand would say only in one’s head. But both agreed that perfection did not exist in the real world. 

He bore his teeth, letting out something between a hitch of his breath and a choked laugh as he looked down at his fingers.

“I wish that’s what it felt like. You’re right about almost everything. I want control, I want perfection. I just can’t get it and it’s driving me insane.”

Jungkook stared at him with a frown, watching as Wonwoo took the spoon in his hand and played with the frozen yogurt that he hadn’t eaten the whole time they were there. He wasn’t going to say anything about it. Wonwoo was already struggling enough even as they ordered. He could feel the heat radiating off his friend. 

“I was wrong at the party, about you being truly in love with Mingyu. I think you’re believing a lie that you’re telling yourself. There’s other ways to feel better, but not this one. I don’t think this is healthy.” 

“I know.” Wonwoo swallowed, sitting up straight and clasping his hands over his lap as if the most powerful person in the world had demanded that he bow his head and cower in his presence. He admitted it with the weight of shame in his voice, like he was suffering from addiction. At least, that’s what it looked like to Jungkook. 

“I know I’m not an expert at stuff like this, but I can help. You’re pretty smart Won. I doubt I could come up with anything that you haven’t thought of yet, but- when you do go searching for the answers, I’ll be there with you. I promise.”

Wonwoo looked up at him, covering his mouth with a closed fist as he couldn’t keep himself from smiling uncontrollably. Despite the crinkles next to his eyes and the tightness of his cheeks, Jungkook spotted the sadness in his eyes, like Wonwoo was trying not to break down in front of him. The next thing Jungkook knew, Wonwoo had extended his arms shyly, getting up and walking around the table to sit next to him in the booth. He was weirded out at first and then pleasantly surprised when Wonwoo gave him a side hug, squishing them together.

“T-this is the only hug you’re ever getting out of me. You better savor it.” 

Jungkook patted his back, rubbing his cheek against the side of Wonwoo’s head. 

“I am.” he smiled widely, trying not to laugh at the tingling feeling the hug gave him.

“Alright, now you have to spill the beans about you and Jimin.” Wonwoo snickered. “Let me just get out my tape recorder and we can begin the session. I need to know everything.” 

Jungkook released a light-hearted breath.

“Okay Sherlock. I’m ready.” 

II

“Mingyu?” a small voice called to him from the other side of his bedroom door. Minseo wanted to stay in bed all day until her mother called her down for breakfast. He guessed he should have come down as well but he was too busy going over the plan in his head. Every little detail had to work or else he was doomed. Literally.

“What?” he snapped, sitting up in a flash as Minseo creaked open the door. She tensed at the look of anger on his face, although it wasn’t usual. It still scared her sometimes when her mother wasn’t around. She already felt the bitterness he had for her permeating through the door, and that was even before he snapped at her.

“Mom wants you to come down.” 

“Fine.” he huffed, crossing his arms as he fell back against his pillow. 

Minseo’s fingers stayed curled around the door as her eyelids lowered from exhaustion. Their mother was just too happy all the time and her brother, well, she didn’t know whether he was angry or just getting a laugh out of being sarcastic and rude. 

“Are you just gonna stand there? Get out.” 

His voice struck her like a bolt of electricity, causing her eyes to widen and become fully awake.

“Whatever.” his sister mumbled, slamming the door shut behind her.

It took him fifteen minutes to get ready which was five minutes over the usual time. It was all for Wonwoo and he couldn’t risk the black-haired boy rejecting him over some stupid but pivotal detail. It wasn’t like Wonwoo was the type to judge but that didn’t stop him from lathering his armpits in deodorant and brushing his teeth twice. That was, in case Wonwoo kissed and then hugged him. 

He was already grinning to himself in the mirror as he shaved, almost getting cut as he forgot what he was doing. 

Since it was Thursday he had to wear his football jersey but instead of just putting it on over a t-shirt, he chose a white-collared dress shirt and dark blue straight jeans. The sleeves were wrinkled but it was the best option he had. He rolled them up and buttoned the cuffs and then moved on to buttoning his shirt. 

“Mingyu! Get down here right now! Don’t you dare forget about the time!” his mother yelled.

Jumping up at the sound of her voice, he scrambled to buckle his belt. It jingled as he ran down the stairs while his jersey hung over his arm. 

Hyuna turned away from the sink to eye him with suspicion. Meanwhile, Minseo took the opportunity to dump her leftover food in the trash, going off to finish the rest of her homework. The only time Minseo ever ate much was at dinner, only because she was really hungry. 

Mingyu watched as his mother’s furrowed brows rose in an instant as she covered her mouth.

“Mingyu.” she smiled, rushing over to meet him at the bottom of the stairs. She gazed up at him as her breath hitched. “You handsome man you.” she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

He lowered his head as he held his cheek, trying not to grin. Luckily he did not have to try as Hyuna reached up to fix his collar. “I can’t believe today is the day.” she beamed. “You have to eat and get your nutrition.”

Hyuna lowered her brows, eyeing him with displeasure.

“It also helps your mood.” 

He chuckled.

“Sorry.” 

“I’m not the one you owe an apology to Mingyu. You’ve been very hostile towards your sister. Be a man and apologize. Would you want Wonwoo to know that you treat your own sister like you hate her?”

Mingyu exhaled lowly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“No.”

“Good. Now let me go get her.” Hyuna said, patting his shoulder as she turned towards the direction where she heard her daughter’s footsteps heading off to. “Minseo?”

She appeared around the corner coming from the dining room. Hyuna had no time to smile or even get a word out before Minseo abruptly started to jog to the door with her backpack dangling from her shoulder.

“W-where are you going?”

“Sofia’s here to pick me up.”

“I was gonna drive you.” Mingyu butted in, stepping forward. 

Minseo could only give him a sympathetic smile.

“I’m good.” she replied with an assuring tone. “By the way…” 

Mingyu tensed at the sly tone in her voice.

“Don’t think that mom’s the only one who wants a new addition to the family. I could use a better brother.” 

Mingyu seethed with anger but he could stop the blush from engulfing his face. 

“What’s with you guys and thinking we’re getting married? I swear-”

“Good luck big brother.” she giggled in a slightly mocking tone. But the words themselves were sincere nonetheless. Her cheeky smile disappeared within a split second with the sound of the door clicking shut.

Luck wasn’t what was going to get Wonwoo to go with him to the dance. It all fell on his shoulders after all. And that meant if Wonwoo did say ‘yes’, he would have earned it himself. Fate did not hand Wonwoo over to him or deal him the cards. He took things for himself. It would be _his_ achievement. 

With his own effort, he had gotten to see Wonwoo’s deep side. Wonwoo’s love was bound to be even more intense and immeasurable with all of the meaning and totality of his life put into it. And that was something he wanted to attain, to hold Wonwoo’s head against his-

“Mingyu I’m not going to tell you for a third time!”

_Oh yeah._

_Breakfast._

III

Wonwoo car-pooled with Jun and Minghao or more like third-wheeled. The two still weren’t an official couple but at least it added a little spice to the speculation going around the student body. He had been in the backseat reading a book all the while trying not to get a headache. He didn’t know if it was because of Jun’s driving or because his eyes couldn’t focus. The headaches were worth it so long as he didn’t have to make himself look ugly with glasses. Too bad his doctor couldn’t prescribe him Nicki Minaj’s futuristic sun visors. Maybe he could be a philosopher and a rapper. 

Anyways, he was wondering if the headache was making him see things when he thought he saw Jaehyun staring at him as he held open the door. It could have been any guy in a football jersey or a fan shirt but as he walked closer it turned out that the boy’s fiery brown hair was Jaehyun’s. 

He kept his head straight and aligned the rest of his body perfectly with the door, showing Jaehyun no interest or willingness to stop and wave. 

“Thanks.” he said, following behind Jun and Minghao who gave the older boy a sympathetic look after they heard Wonwoo had dumped him. They assumed that Jaehyun was just trying to get back with their friend by doing something nice but it would have been unnecessary. Unbeknownst to them, Mr. Jeon was all Jaehyun needed to get back with him. Perhaps the door holding trick was just extra theatrics or a way to make Jaehyun feel more _gentlemanly_. 

But still, why did Jaehyun bother? Did he think that this time Wonwoo would voluntarily climb into bed with him if he laid a trail of roses to it? 

Whatever it was, it had to be sinister.

Wonwoo didn’t show any signs of delay in his thought processes or movements. His eyes simply darted to scan the other’s face as if he was just looking at him with appreciation. 

Jaehyun neither smirked or smiled, he simply watched him with a stoic expression. It was cute really. The guy looked dreadfully sorry, but he bore more guilt than sadness. If Wonwoo was feeling self-righteous and pompous, he would have pressed his finger to Jaehyun’s lips as he leaned against the door all the while letting the older male snake his hands around his waist. He’d tell Jaehyun that he forgave him and that he wasn’t a monster. 

But he wasn’t any of those things. He was self-interested, not self-righteous. Feeling good was a product of achieving his own goals and sticking to his principles. Feeling good was not a mere motivation, it was a result of living virtuously. It was a different kind of feeling good, a feeling that could not be derived from the degradation of others self-esteem but the boosting of his own. The feeling he wanted to attain was contentment with himself for life, not momentary satisfaction. And he did not need anyone else to exist for him to be a moral person. For his moral purpose concerned only himself. No one was the means to his happiness. And he was not a means to theirs. He himself was the ends and the means. He was the meaning. He was the answer. 

He didn’t need to look down at Jaehyun and tell him how sorry for him he was and that he pitied him. Jaehyun was not a value to him. The older boy meant nothing. There was no sense in trying to elevate one’s sense of self through another’s descent. Was he the victim at the end of the day or was it Jaehyun? Wonwoo may have lost his virginity but Jaehyun had lost his integrity. That was, if he had it in the first place. Yet what would Jaehyun have gained if he had been successful? Unearned and meaningless pleasure? 

What would he himself have gained if he had offered his hand to Jaehyun and told him that there was good in him? He would be devaluing goodness for the sake of someone who was not good. He’d be telling a lie. And for the sake of pity? 

Besides, he never did things because of how he felt or would feel when he did them. He did them because they were rational. To hell with the idea he was a cold robot. 

_But then why are you still crushing over Mingyu?_ _Are you saying that’s rational? Haven’t you been acting on a feeling all this time?_

Maybe he was lying to himself. 

There were just too many contradictions, too many knots in his brain. He needed to find someone- someone to sort it out. A psychologist could tell him if he was crazy, but were his thoughts wrong? Or the process by which they came to him? If it were the former then no one could help him. He didn’t want help if his mind worked perfectly fine in itself. He didn’t want to hold any other beliefs but his own. A psychologist would have made him take the easy way out - would have told him to accept Mingyu’s offer to friendship, would have told him- would have told him…

To throw away everything he believed in just to feel good. Just for the sake of being happy. He would be asked the impossible. To love someone with his heart and not his mind. He had given his heart to boys before. And before that, his father. Look what happened there. 

Wonwoo chuckled aloud.

As he had been saying all along…

_What had he been saying?_

He had preached the idea of enduring suffering and achieving contentment with one self by maintaining their integrity. Yet he hadn’t practiced it. All he had done was escape not endure. He had lied to himself. He was no philosopher. Philosophy was the search for truth. He didn’t like the truth. He didn’t want to suffer. But he didn’t want to feel ashamed of himself either for being so weak-willed and indulgent. 

It was all a mess.

“Wonwoo?” Jaehyun asked with an edge of concern, following behind him as he entered the lobby.

He could hear the footsteps of the football player, tapping the entryway rug by the door. That was enough to make his breath hitch. Did Jaehyun see that he was falling apart? Had he caught on to something? 

Jaehyun was mocking him with that smirk of his, he could hear it. He didn’t need eyes to know when someone’s lips curled. 

He whipped his body around to confront the older boy. Despite the stone-cold grimace on his face and the way he clenched his fists, his body couldn’t stay still. Only Mingyu could make him anxious - in a good way - but this… it made him feel defeated. 

And he thought he never could be defeated, he could only surrender. There’d never be a battle, no victory, no glory. But Jaehyun was standing in it. He wanted to slap it off his face. He wanted to do it right-

“Are you okay? You’re shaking.” Jaehyun asked, eyeing the way his head and shoulders trembled while his teeth jittered. 

He couldn’t talk.

“It’s cold out.” he replied breathlessly, eyes going wide as he tried his best to respond with confidence. 

No one questioned the way he still had his fists clenched by his sides rather than across his chest if it was really the cold.

Jun had learned his lesson and had told Minghao. No one dared to speak on it. Except for maybe the person who had an impact on his current state. Jaehyun was not the entire cause, but a trigger.

“Then you should have worn a better jacket. Here, take mine-”

“N-no. I don’t want anything from you.” Wonwoo said, his tone disturbingly low. “Do whatever you want. Get your revenge on me. Make a fool out of me or worse. I don’t care. Amuse me.” 

But Jaehyun didn’t frown. In fact, it looked as though the words meant nothing to him at all. Like they were coming from a crazy person. It infuriated him. Yet that worried look Jaehyun gave him- why did it make him want to hug him? Why did it make him want to throw away the past and all his stuck up principles if he could only feel warm again? Even if he ended up hurt, he always had an escape. But where his delusional mind had been destroyed, the only escape left was the loving embrace of another man. There he didn’t need to think. In fact he couldn’t. He could only feel. Thinking- thinking was what got him into this mess. 

Even if that embrace bruised and choked the life out of him, all he wanted was to be warm. Even if Hell made him sweat. 

He didn’t know what Hell was like. There seemed to be a Hell everywhere. Down there, out there, up in his head. Where else was he supposed to go? He was going to die anyways right?

_What about heaven?_

Would he really have to endure for eighty more years? Could he really be alone for that long?

“Wonwoo. Can we talk?” 

The rush of anger that had overcome him brought him back to reality.

“You want to talk? Couldn’t we have talked last time?”

Jaehyun grimaced.

“No, and I never would have gotten you to love me back if we talked anyways. That’s why I’m not doing this to get you back. I want you- I mean- I do want you back. But that’s not my highest priority right now. I want your forgiveness.”

The football player walked closer to him, prompting no response but a glare from Wonwoo. He hadn’t even trembled at Jaehyun’s advance, he just burned there with anger. 

“No one I know makes me feel like I have all the answers to life. I’ve waited two weeks to give you time because I respect you. I’m trying to. You make me want to try. It’s the first time I felt like someone matters to me, and I mean really matters. You make me feel complete and I’ve been wanting to be with you but I messed up.” 

Jaehyun inhaled to catch his breath as he lowered his chin. 

The glare on Wonwoo’s face faded into anguish as he realized that Jaehyun felt genuinely ashamed of himself. The older boy couldn’t look him in the eyes. 

“But if I made you feel complete, why did you want more?”

Jaehyun went to open his mouth but he forced himself to stay silent. He wanted to show Wonwoo just how much he wanted him.

The older boy jerked forward, taking Wonwoo’s hands in his and pulling him forward into his chest. Wonwoo struggled at first but was caught by the warmth from the older boy. 

“You made my soul- my mind - whatever you want to call it - you made it feel complete. But I guess the rest of me wasn’t on the same page. I know it’s not an excuse but my urges got the best of me. That’s why I also want to say sorry about the Tzuyu thing. But that doesn’t matter. I know what I tried to do was unacceptable, and that’s why I’m not asking you to love me back. But accept my love for you Won. Please. I don’t want you to be hurt from what I’ve done. I know you’re strong and you got it all put together. But I know you’re fragile. You may be hardened but I know you can crack. I just don’t want to be the guy who makes you. I couldn’t live with myself if I pushed you off the edge. And I’ve pushed you hard enough. That’s why I want to catch you. I don’t care about my own redemption, I just want to hold you like this forever.”

He could feel Jaehyun rest his chin on his forehead as he brought an arm up to his back. Wonwoo couldn’t look him in the eye, instead, he shook his head against Jaehyun’s chin. The football player looked down at him with a frown while he pushed off from his chest as if he was repulsed.

“Are you really in love with me Jae? Or do you just not want to feel guilty anymore? I hope in all that time you’ve given me you have been also thinking about love. I hope you haven’t simply been counting down the seconds. You say you aren’t doing this to get me to love you back but you’re certainly acting like it. Am I an escape for you? Ha! You don’t care about redemption, you said it yourself. You just want to feel good. That’s what we all want to feel. You could care less about being good for the sake of good. There’s always something to it with you Jae. You’d do anything just because you want something. It doesn’t matter what the thing you want is.” Wonwoo said, ripping his arms away as he stepped back, looking up at him with contempt. 

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Oh really?” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow. Perhaps it was another ploy to exempt him from being responsible. One would always cry out that they didn’t know what was going on in their head when they did something wrong. They could escape interrogation if they shrouded themselves in darkness. Perhaps Jaehyun was too ashamed of whatever he may find.

Yet he wasn’t going to alleviate that shame. Nor did he feel obliged to. If anything, someone should be alleviating the fear that he had right now. That reminded him…

He craned his neck as he stepped further back, noticing that Jun and Minghao were gone.

“If you don’t know what you want, then I don’t think you should be making moves on anyone until you do.”

Jaehyun clenched his fists.

“But I need your help.”

“By help do you mean the second that I give you my hand, you’ll pull me down into the hole you dug yourself? No, I’m good. Just leave me alone. That’s it. Whatever plan you and my father are drafting - whatever scheme - you can continue with it and leave me in peace for the time being. I’m sure I have no choice otherwise. But at least - since you respect me so much now - leave me be. But I’m not asking you to do it for me. 

I could pity you, but I’ll share my opinion. That’s the only thing I’ll ever do for someone else. You could think that I’m just being kind but I need to get this out. 

Get a hold of yourself Jae. That’s what. You know you’re the one who’s going to benefit. If you really want something, go for it. If you really stay true to your values, we’ll never collide. We’ll never clash. We can be rational, can’t we? Heck, that’s why we have a republic rather than a king making decisions for us. Funny huh?

And who knows, the world could be a better place if we all just got a hold of ourselves. But… some of us like to blame our nature and some of us like to blame others for our own faults. In that they have abdicated their own throne.”

Wonwoo’s voice grew lower and his eyes flared with painful sharpness. His mouth stretched wide as he formed each word, carefully wrapping it not in a coating of sugar but of hot embers. He inhaled a breath as his eyes ascended to the older boy’s face. He could see himself in Jaehyun’s eyes, and he was not ready for it. Anxiety was already enough but shame was too much to bear.

His voice became choked but was still searing with anger. It was like he was telling Jaehyun how much he despised him all the while watching him die a slow and painful death, twisting a dagger into the heart of a monster.

“But, if you leave me alone, I’ll find my throne. I’ll learn how to govern my own desires just as you need to do for yourself. You see, I’ve been very irrational and dishonest with myself, thinking you loved the Good. But all you loved was the chase. You wanted me for my virtues and you wanted to comfort me for my vices. I’m glad for that. But you never were in touch with yourself, and I’m not either. You never loved the Good or the Beautiful for their own sake. You just thought I had those things. And that’s our flaw; an ability to perceive all of the errors we’ve made. I could see all the flaws of others but not my own. My mind’s eye- it’s clouded. And yours- its filled with lust. I may be looking at men with rose-colored glasses, but yours are smut-stained and red. Don’t you see? We’re flawed either way. And do you know what would be the result of that exchange? If two flawed human beings loved each other? We would not make love, but a fatal concoction, like the sweetness of tequila with the bitterness of vodka. Although I- I don’t know which one of us is sweet and bitter. Plus I’ve never tasted alcohol” he laughed, letting his head fall back. But then he stopped himself, letting his hand fall from his mouth to his sides, realizing where he was. His voice lost the high note of laughter, but maintained its eerie lightness.

“All I know is that the last thing I need is another person just like me weighing me down. As if- as if I’m just a crutch.”

He rubbed both of his eyes, turning away from Jaehyun as he stood there, drowning in his own disappointment. Not disappointment for the fact that Wonwoo had rejected him once more, or the fact that Wonwoo had told him what was wrong with him. But the fact that he had existed.

The older boy advanced on him, extending his arms to wrap them around his torso and stop him from leaving. It was as if Jaehyun thought that if he hugged the other enough, the black-haired boy would feel his love for him. But he hadn't. 

It wasn’t new though. Wonwoo had longed to feel the affection of a hug. Maybe he was simply too stiff and too anxious to feel it, too concerned with himself so much so that it distracted him. Or maybe there had been a connection that had been severed. Perhaps ever since his mother stopped giving him hugs. He didn’t know. He only knew that someone was approaching him. 

He couldn’t feel anything but warm breath on his neck and the strangling arms around his sides. 

He let out a frantic whine and his breath hitched as he swatted the other’s arms away. The position had been suffocating. Yet he couldn’t feel anything. It was as if someone had locked him in a box and the lack of air had dulled his senses. But even if any sense of feeling had been fading away, it still hurt. It was more than an uncomfortable position. It was like he was being restrained.

“Get away, how could you have the gall to touch me?” he shouted, shaking his head sporadically as he held it with both hands. Just as the noise of students coming into the lobby reached his already ringing ears, he dashed down the hall and stormed up the stairwell, cursing Jaehyun under his breath. He had to get away before he could deteriorate even further.

_Where was Jun and Minghao?_

They had most likely assumed he and Jaehyun were ‘having a moment’ and walked away to give them space. But oh were they so wrong. 

It was his fault for not telling them. He wasn’t really ready to dump everything onto his friends, especially when conversation between all of them was strictly light-hearted. It made him wonder what any of their troubles were. He couldn’t be the only person having a tough time. 

Wonwoo supposed it was another one of those impossible demands.

How could God expect man to have empathy? He knew he wasn’t the center of the world, but it was impossible not to feel that way. Perhaps it was because no one had the guts to say that the world was theirs. 

He had always felt the pressure to say that the idea of having one’s own world was not only narcissistic and self-centered, but also dangerous and delusional. But that was not the case, not for him. He was the center of his own world. And that world was his. Whether it had been made in the swamp of childhood trauma, or through the careful thinking and precise detail of his adult mind, the world he had made was his. He just needed to make it real. 

_It was possible._

_If it wasn’t, then why did people still live? Why did people still live if they thought things would never get better?_

Maybe they were just scared little animals, following their instincts to survive.

Or maybe they had a vision, and they would live for it.

It was not a biological drive to achieve greatness, but a spiritual and philosophical one. Life was more than biology, it was more than simple attractions and repulsions. Pain and pleasure. Fear or greed. Man could transcend all of that. There was a grander story. It was why he hated realistic literature. It did not reflect what life ought to be, but merely gave a reflection of what it was. Usually it was the culmination of economic and social forces that compelled men to act, making them behave like animals. In others it was hormones. But in his fantasies, it had always been ideas. Ideas were what drove enlightened human beings. To think that it had been thousands of years and man was still living under a rock. 

But he didn’t care if he lived in a shadow all of his life, so long as it was the shadow of success. He did not want a rock to hide under, but a statue to exalt. To look up to. And for arms to reach down and embrace him.

Why was that _unhealthy?_

Was it unhealthy because it would never be true, or because no one else had found the right one? They must have been too eager to settle down with someone, too eager to feel the warmth even if it wasn’t the right kind. He guessed that was why he had almost let Jaehyun take him. After all, he could have fought harder. 

It only added to the list of contradictions and stains on his integrity. 

IV

“Wonwoo? You okay?” S.Coups asked, resting his arm on top of Wonwoo’s chair. 

He had just walked into history class, rehashing the scene in the lobby with Jaehyun. Usually the only times he went over events was when he was with Mingyu. But this time was different. He was anxious, wondering if he could have conducted himself better.

“Yeah.” he emitted a chuckle, but it came out choppy. “Why? Is my face red or something?” he added, touching his face frantically. He didn’t want to remind himself of yesterday when he “ate” lunch with Mingyu, not when he was sitting right next to S.Coups. The day after their scuffle in the locker room, S.Coups decided that he’d take Mingyu’s seat. Even if they still sat next to each other, Wonwoo would be separated from the taller. 

Now, the older boy’s back was facing him slightly, suggesting that the two still weren’t completely on good terms. Wonwoo thought time would have healed their bond but supposedly not.

“You just looked sad. Like you were angry at the floor.” S.Coups snickered.

Wonwoo granted him a light smile.

“No, I’m always-”

“Are you really going to just shrug it off? He’s obviously upset.” Mingyu snapped, leaning forward on the table with his hands clasped. S.Coups stopped smiling, slowly turning his head to see his teammate staring at the back of his head. 

“Unless you think Wonwoo’s a liar, then I don’t know what’s your problem.” S.Coups huffed, crossing his arms. The older boy turned to face the front of the room, lowering his head as he raked a hand through it. Meanwhile, Mingyu could only glare at him.

“You’re the one who has the problem if you don’t know Wonwoo enough to know something’s up.” the taller sneered. Sitting up straight and looking over S.Coups’s head, Mingyu eyed him with genuine concern 

“Wonu, what’s wrong?”

He had just grabbed the back rest of the chair, pulling it out when S.Coups opened his mouth for him.

“Don’t call him that.” the older barked. “What gives you the right to act like nothing happened between the two of you? Not to mention the fact that you think he’s going to tell you if there was anything wrong? Even if it was the smallest thing you don’t even deserve to know.” 

Mingyu gritted his teeth.

“Get the fuck out of here. What gives _you_ the right to speak for him? You don’t even respect him either.”

“Safety is more important than respect. And I’ll never let you hurt Wonwoo again.” S.Coups growled, twisting around in his seat to face the taller completely. 

“Oh yeah? You’re funny Coups. I bet I could kick your ass in a fight.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Alright, meet me in the forest. My last class ends at 3:00. Sorry but you’re running on my schedule. Tell all your friends too.” Mingyu smirked. 

“You’re on Kim.” the other humphed, not really caring whether it was convenient for Mingyu or not. He’d fight him any time and any day.

“Hell yeah. Let’s see how good you are at protecting Wonwoo. He doesn’t need someone like you breathing down his neck. You’re not his big brother.”

“At least i’m still his friend.” S.Coups grinned, not even flinching when Mingyu slammed his fist down on the table.

“I’ll fucking make the nurse want to quit after I’m done with you Coups.” the taller chuckled. “I don’t know what Jeonghan’s telling you about me but I’ll make sure it doesn’t matter. You’re just his pet. I’ll fucking dogwalk you.” 

S.Coups snorted, bawling his fists as he rested both his hands beside him on the back of his chair and the table. 

“Really? Even if I was Jeonghan’s pet I could still fucking drag you. I’ll make sure you never get the captain’s position buddy.”

“So that’s what this is about?” Mingyu chuckled. “You're fucking pathetic man. You never cared about Wonwoo. You're just threatened by me. Pshh. The only way you can be captain is by breaking my legs. But just so you get this straight, let me tell you that I’ll kick your ass first. Try me, I dare you.” 

Wonwoo leaned forward, grabbing S.Coups by his shoulders and pulling him back and away from Mingyu’s face. 

“No one’s beating up anyone. C’mon. You guys want to look good for your dates don’t you?” Wonwoo smiled, pretending as though he didn’t just hear two guys threaten to break each other’s limbs. 

Mingyu’s glare only intensified at the way Wonwoo’s long thin hands relaxed and settled on his teammate’s shoulders. The black-haired boy would have withdrawn them immediately so as to not send his crush the wrong message but he probably was still too focused on making them not tear each other apart. 

The taller boy’s eyes especially narrowed when S.Coups hands came up to hold on to Wonwoo’s. The latter flinched slightly, suddenly remembering where he had put them. Wonwoo’s expression grew cold which calmed Mingyu down, reassured that there wasn’t something going on between the two. 

Meanwhile, S.Coups’s grin only widened. The guy was probably using the small ounce of skinship to get on his nerves. 

“Doesn’t mean we both have to get jacked up. I’ll land the first punch. Watch me.” S.Coups said, subtly puffing out his chest. 

“Yeah well I’ll give you more bruises than you can count.” the taller gritted. “Jeonghan won’t even know it’s you.”

“Alright alright. We’re switching seats. Get up.” Wonwoo said, knocking on the top of S.Coups’s head. 

The older boy groaned but without protest, he got up and plopped himself down on Wonwoo’s chair. 

“So now we aren’t fighting anymore?” Wonwoo asked, raising an eyebrow as he stared ahead. The classroom was still filled with chatter as some kids whipped their heads back around as the ‘fight’ seemed to have gotten boring. Yet he could the two boys loud and clear as if they were yelling in his ear.

“No.”

“Fuck no.” 

Wonwoo sighed.

“I thought this was you guys just being playful. You better not-”

“We’re still meeting at the forest Won.” S.Coups, leaning back in his chair. “I’m still going to teach Kim a lesson about getting in our business.”

“What business? You think Wonwoo was going to empty his heart out to you?” Mingyu snickered.

“No. Why? You think he was going to do that to you Kim? Last time I checked you broke Wonwoo’s h-”

“Alright class.” the sound of their professor’s voice interrupted them, finally giving Wonwoo’s head a rest from turning from one side to the other as the two boys exchanged blows. 

“We’ll settle this later.” S.Coups muttered, flashing Mingyu a scowl.

The taller boy returned the gesture, but he was more aggressive. Putting an arm around Wonwoo’s back, he leaned forward in his seat, craning his neck around him to stare S.Coups in the eye.

“I’ll be there. I hope Jeonghan and Wonwoo get to see what a wimp you are.”

“I could go toe to toe with you right n-”

“Cheolie.” Wonwoo said, turning towards him. “You really want to make a fool out of yourself huh? And you.” he narrowed his eyes, whipping his head towards the tallest. “You really want to fight someone today don’t you?” he smiled.

Mingyu cracked his knuckles, still angered by the way Wonwoo said the other boy’s name softly. As if they were really that close.

The younger football player looked at Wonwoo with a shameless expression, thinking he could look tough with an uncaring attitude. 

“Yeah, I could.” 

“Then punch a pillow or something. The world isn’t going to stop for you just because you need to vent. If you two fight then there’s no chance that I’ll ever look at you guys the same way. I’m being serious. Don’t make me lose the last ounce of respect that I have for you. What you guys have been saying to each other is already enough.”

Both of them let out scornful huffs, crossing their arms and sitting lazily. Wonwoo guessed they were also having a contest to see who was more manly. 

“I don’t care.” Mingyu said, glaring at him this time. “You aren’t going to get in between what the two of us want to get out of our systems. If you want to go preach and be a pacifist you can do that somewhere else. Just don’t get in my way. Go and gossip with Jeonghan or something. I have a score to settle.”

“But this started because of me.” Wonwoo snapped back.

Mingyu chuckled.

“Yeah well it’s bigger than you. Sorry to wound your ego.” 

V

History class seemed to have gotten out early for Mingyu. Usually it felt long and boring but the tension in the room distracted him. Instead of going right to his next class, he was surprised when Wonwoo pulled him aside, tugging on his sleeve as he brought him to a niche in the wall. 

S.Coups looked as though he wanted to have the fight in the middle of the hallway but Jeonghan intercepted him just in time. Yet not before he gave Wonwoo a disappointed look. 

Mingyu knew it was because the black-haired boy was speaking to him and not Jaehyun. The football player shrugged it off, looking down at Wonwoo with a smirk on his face.

“Can you tell all your friends about the upcoming fight. It’d be great to have an audience.”

Wonwoo’s lips came together as he tried to hold in an outburst. He didn’t care that there were other students still walking by in the hallway, rather, he cared too much about Mingyu’s feelings. Even if he was one of the toughest kids around. 

He remembered the tattoo he saw on the side of his torso, plus how he took a sucker punch from Jaehyun. The guy was no joke. But still, Wonwoo liked to fantasize about the sweet side of Mingyu, the side he felt nostalgic for.

_Wait._

He shouldn't have been fantasizing at all. He was falling into the trap-

“Wonwoo? What’s wrong? Seriously. You better give me an answer. I don’t care if you haven’t accepted me back as a friend yet, at least tell another human being. Who cares if that just so happens to be me” the taller chuckled. 

This time, Mingyu was holding his arms, bringing him away from the main walkway and towards the wall. Wonwoo wanted the football player to pull him closer, not for the sake of feeling warm but for the sake of hiding in his chest. He couldn’t fall apart again, not in front of someone so strong. Not in front of his hero. 

_Again with the fantasies._

_Did he have no sense of reality?_

“Wonwoo?” 

He thought Mingyu’s voice may have just been echoing in his head but he noticed the taller’s mouth moving. As if in a dream-like state, he reached out with a hand, trailing his fingers across Mingyu’s arm, stopping at the taller’s broad shoulder. The same shoulder he wanted to cry on. But now, it was someone else’s. Someone else’s dream had come true. The next day, a girl would have her head rested against that shoulder. It was just as bad as being in bed with him. 

Even worse, that shoulder was going to be bruised. All because Mingyu had to be bold and open his mouth. But now, he’d open his, and Mingyu had better listen. He may have been falling apart but he still prided himself in being the voice of reason.

“You aren’t going to some damned forest to make a point.”

“Fine, I’ll fight him in the quad.” Mingyu chuckled but Wonwoo pinched him.

“That’s not what I mean. Don’t laugh at- you’re not taking me seriously. How can you say you want to be friends again but don’t even consider my opinion? What do you think friends are for?”

Mingyu shrugged. 

“Having fun. You tell me.” 

“They’re supposed to be more than that. I thought I was-” he paused, realizing he shouldn’t have completed the sentence. 

“I don’t think Seokmin or Yugyeom would like to know that that’s what you think of them. As just a means to your own happiness.” 

“Well my happiness is all that matters.”

“Not at the price of your morals.” 

“Well alright, but it’ll be at the price of S.Coups nose and teeth because I’ll break them.” 

Wonwoo grimaced while his dainty hands squeezed both of the football player’s shoulders as he tried to shake him out of it.

“No you won’t-”

Mingyu growled, cutting him off by grabbing his sides and forcing him against the wall, stunning him enough to get him to freeze.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear your fancy talk anymore. You’re going to be there and you’re going to watch me beat this guy up. I don’t care if he’s your friend. He shouldn’t be. I’ve made a lot of mistakes Won, but I’ll be loyal to you like a dog. But that guy… he’s a snake. Him and all your friends don’t care about you. They can’t. They don’t think like you do and they’ll never know how you feel. I know that’s partly because of me, but we can forget the past. But they- they haven’t done anything to help you. And you can’t forget that. Fuck they don’t even see you. You’re invisible to them except when I’m around. When I’m around it’s the Mingyu Hate Train and suddenly they are fainting like princesses, making me the bad guy. But then there’s me. I’ve always seen you. Even when we weren’t friends. I still knew you. And I can tell you’re still bothered by something. I’m the only guy you’ve got right now. Don’t you remember that bond we had on the first day? I want to feel that again Won. I know you do too. So don’t get in my way, you hear me? I’m not letting some failure on the football team take my friend away from me. I’ll send a fucking message to everyone else too. No one’s going to mess with us after this. Finally, it’ll be just you and me hanging out together without any friends acting like they are our parents. We’ll go to that pizza place. How’s that sound? No more nonsense. I just want to hear you talk more. It’s been a while.”

Wonwoo’s hands had gone lax, dangling over Mingyu’s as the taller slowly released his wrists. He felt Mingyu’s large hands fall down his arms before letting go and retreating to his pockets. All he could do was stare with wide-eyes at the football player as he chuckled, walking backwards out into the middle of the hallway. 

“Mingyu, please. Don’t do anything brash. If you really want to go get pizza, I’d rather you come with me in person than me having to bring it to you in the hospital.”

The taller flashed him a grin from where he was walking backwards.

“Hey, I know your issue. You got anxiety. Let loose a bit.” he chuckled, but Wonwoo’s face didn’t change. Not even in anger or offense. He simply looked like it was mourning Mingyu’s death already.

The football player turned around, disappearing around the corner as if he was just a hallucination. Too bad Mingyu couldn’t have kissed him there. Wonwoo was a prude and didn’t like PDA, but no one was looking after all.

VI

As soon as Mingyu got the text he had been waiting for fromYugyeom he picked up the pace as he headed towards the campus center. It was where Jungkook had supposedly been trapped by his friends. Or more like _pressured_ into staying.

Skipping class never made him nervous, but knowing Jungkook was a key factor in getting into a relationship with Wonwoo was a big deal. Asking Wonwoo out was probably less nerve-wracking but he and his friends had known Jungkook for years. Even if they were all the same age they all felt like they were Jungkook’s older brothers. Now if he couldn’t persuade Jungkook to join his side then maybe he could use his authority as leader of the group to-

“Hey Kookie, Kim’s here.” Yugyeom said from where he sat on the sofa with Mark and Chan. Like Jungkook, Seokmin sat on an arm chair on the other side of the sitting area. At least the place wasn’t suffocating. It was almost like an atrium with high glass ceilings and balconies going up and wrapping around the walls. 

As Mingyu was taking in the place, Jungkook uncrossed his leg, putting his phone down to glare at him.

“What do you want?”

Mingyu scratched the back of his neck but otherwise kept a calm expression.

“Well, you’re like the closest person to Wonwoo besides Jun but he’s out of the picture now basically. You’re the only one I can count on, even if you hate me. I was thinking-”

“Cut to the chase.” Jungkook groaned, leaning forward to rest his hands on his lap.

Mingyu’s expression soured.

“Alright, fine. I like Wonwoo and I need you to help me change his mind.”

“About what?”

“About being friends.”

Jungkook arched a brow.

“Why? Isn’t it obvious that Wonwoo is cool with you now? What about the mall yesterday and the fact that you guys were togeth-”

“I didn’t totally feel it. Something wasn’t right.”

“Well how do you know Wonwoo doesn’t want to be your friend? What if he has some other problem that’s going on?”

“You think that too?”

The shorter boy paused, noticing the stares his friends were giving him. They were not just filled with intrigue, but concern. Concern for someone they had never really known, but that someone meant a lot to Mingyu. Someone who had been kind and polite to them, who didn’t treat them like they were stupid. They felt the worry in their friend’s voices, and it hit them with spine tingling heaviness. 

“What I think doesn’t matter.” Jungkook replied, looking down at his lap. “Don’t you know Wonwoo is his own person? He can think for himself. He won’t ever bow to what I tell him to do, not even if I was his guardian angel.” 

“But that doesn’t mean he won’t value your opinion.”

“So what do you want me to do? Say you have a big dick or something?” 

At least for a moment everyone else had dropped the eerie feeling in the room and spat out their breaths, laughing. 

“Jungkook, I hope Jimin doesn’t find out you said that.” Yugyeom snickered. They all knew Jungkook and Mingyu had never even gone past the stage of being friends let alone had seen each other naked. It was an innocent question at most. Just to get on Mingyu’s nerves.

“No I’m only kidding.” Jungkook giggled, hiding his embarrassed face from Mingyu’s scowl. “Besides, Wonwoo isn’t the type to think size matters. So long as you can listen to him without falling asleep then you’re good.” 

“Wonwoo isn’t the type to do a lot of things it seems.” Seokmin added, remembering the time Wonwoo explained his strict moral code. For one thing at least, Wonwoo would be able to tame the monster that was their friend, even if he took some of the fun out of him. And that was only if they got married. Seokmin couldn’t even imagine Mingyu as a father. But he bet Wonwoo could.

“Look.” Mingyu growled, having enough. “I know Wonwoo likes me. There’s no use in keeping Wonwoo’s secrets. Pretty soon they’re all going to be out.”

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook huffed.

“I’m going to ask him to the dance. And you’re going to make him say yes.”

The shorter pursed his lips.

“Not that I need an explanation because I already have an answer in mind, but let me ask this one thing. Why? How are you going to make me?”

“Because I was the one who set up the meeting between you and Jimin.” 

“You what?” Jungkook gritted, bawling his knuckles.

“I was the one who made the whole movie thing happen.”

Jungkook’s head whipped towards his friends. 

“Guys, is this true?” he asked, eyes flaring.

Yugyeom answered for the rest of them.

“Yup. It was all Mingyu’s idea, well- Lisa thought of the movies. But Mingyu was the organizer. Me and Mark were responsible for the execution.”

“Oh but this time, I’ll be responsible for _your_ execution.” Jungkook spat, getting angrier by the second.

“Relax Kookie, you got what you wanted.”

“But at a price. Now I owe Kim.”

Mingyu shook his head.

“You don’t owe me anything. I want your trust and support to be voluntary.”

“Great. It’s not like you have a whole room full of your allies plus the fact that you brought me and Jiimin together weighing me down right now. What am I supposed to do? I can’t say ‘let me think about it’. God, Mingyu. I hate you.”

“Hate me all you want. Just give me your answer.”

“Hold on. This could all be an elaborate prank. How do I know your intentions are good?”

Mingyu huffed.

“Yeah well if you aren’t going to take me seriously I’ll let you know that I just started a fight with one of my buddies on the football team all in the name of Jeon Wonwoo. I thought getting you and Jimin to meet would have been enough, but I’m prepared to fight for what I want Jungkook.”

“And what is it that you want? Like what you really want? Don’t give me a cliche answer. Wonwoo’s too good for that.”

Mingyu lowered his head, grinning faintly.

“Yeah, I know he is.” he said, letting his shoulders fall. “I’ll tell you what I really want, and I hope this makes you trust me. I need you to.” 

Jungkook rested his chin on his hand, looking at the taller with uncomfortable indecision. 

“I want Wonwoo to be with me. I don’t care about the stupid dance or all of the lovey-dovey stuff. I just want to be with Wonwoo for the rest of my college years and if you want me to be really serious, I’m down for being with him for the rest of my life.”

Jungkook sat back in his seat, staring at his hands as they were fumbling on his lap. He wasn’t so distressed by the fact that the whole world seemed to rest on his shoulders, or his friends waiting for him to answer. It was the fact that it was Wonwoo they were talking about; his new best friend. Someone he had gained the trust and appreciation of, someone who’s life added value to his and his to theirs. It was not a duty he felt to their friendship, but love for it. 

It was hard taking in what Mingyu was saying considering Wonwoo had told him his problem. And now he was supposed to make a decision? 

“I don’t think it will be best for Wonwoo.” 

Jungkook could see the heads of his friends lower in the corner of his eyes, as if they had all been defeated. But Mingyu didn’t look so ready to accept it.

The taller boy looked as though he was trying to calm himself down. Mingyu’s clenched fists made Jungkook wonder whether he was holding it in or getting ready to fight him.

“What do you mean?” the football player replied, exhaling as he stared Jungkook down. 

“From what he’s told me, I think this will just add more fuel to the fire, you know, weigh him down more. He needs to sort some things out.”

Mingyu stepped closer, most likely out of anger more than for intimidation. By now he was a few feet away, standing in front of him with a scowl on his face. 

“What has he told you?” 

“I can’t tell you. It’s private.”

“Well he’s told me things that were private. Just yesterday he said he was afraid. I want to know what he was afraid of. Don’t make me beat it out of you.” 

“Hey, Kim. That’s our friend too. Watch it.” Yugyeom snapped, joining the chorus of glares that were being sent his way. 

Mingyu growled.

“Aren’t you all going to help me?” 

“Not when you’re threatening Jungkook.” 

_I could fucking beat you all up right now if I wanted to._

Mingyu released his own fists, relaxing them and letting his fingers splay out by his sides. It was all for show but he guessed he’d do anything to know what Wonwoo was having a problem with, even if that meant suppressing his urge to fight someone. Maybe S.Coups would be a good outlet to vent.

Mingyu still wore a scowl but his eyes had grown neutral, staring down at Jungkook plainly.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.” 

“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong with him?”

Jungkook sighed.

“Maybe once you guys friends again, he’ll tell you. It’s not my place to. You’re going to have to wait.”

Mingyu seethed in anger, not caring if it scared Jungkook because he couldn’t hold it in.

“No. I love him. I can’t wait for him. I need him and he needs me.” He gritted. 

“Mingyu, you’re acting irration-“

“Can’t _you_ see? You talk about wanting what’s best for Wonwoo but don’t you think this is what’s best? I’ll be able to help him if he just let’s me in. You have to trust me. If you trust me, he will.”

The other boy shook his head.

“Getting angry at me is not going to get you the answers any sooner.” Jungkook glared at him, leaning forward in his seat. 

“I’m glad I’m angry. This is Wonwoo we’re talking about. If I didn’t care about him I wouldn’t be angry. What have you done to help him? All you’ve done is give your stupid little opinion.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“I have a clue.” Mingyu retorted, crossing his arms. 

“If you really respect Wonwoo, you’d leave him alone to process everything. The dance is too early. Heck, I can’t even process what’s been going on. How do you think Wonwoo feels?”

“But I can fix it. He can’t just be alone.” 

“He’s not. That’s another thing he has to realize.” 

Mingyu could only shove his hands back in his pockets, gritting his teeth as he wanted to pick Jungkook up by the collar and shake the hell out of him. 

“I don’t care. We’re going to be together. And I’ll make sure he knows who his friends are. Believe me. I’m angry. You tell me he’s hurting but you won’t let him accept my help?”

“It’s not like I control him.”

“But you’re one of the only friends he has. I know you’re close. You’re telling me he won’t listen to you?”

Jungkook slammed both his fists down on each side of the arm chair.

“It’s none of your business.”

Mingyu may not have flinched but the meaning behind the words still hurt. All he could think of was what S.Coups had said and more or less had been right about.

_“What gives you the right to act like nothing happened between the two of you? Not to mention the fact that you think he’s going to tell you if there was anything wrong? Even if it was the smallest thing you don’t even deserve to know.”_

He was too ashamed to admit that it was him who had wanted to hurt Wonwoo, make himself forget, and then hurt Wonwoo more in the process. If it was anyone who he was going to have a fight with, it had to be himself. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t give everyone else that victory. He would win. His love for Wonwoo had to win. 

“Alright. I’ll get Wonwoo to be with me whether you like it or not. Just don’t get in my way. I’m fighting Jeonghan’s boyfriend today. Don’t make me fight yours next.” 

And with that, Mingyu left.

VII

Jeonghan and S.Coups were in line at a restaurant in the food court. There was barely anyone around yet the air of secrecy was still thick.

“So, there’s a fight that’s gonna take place in the woods. You know that clearing near the beach?”

Jeonghan snorted.

“Nevermind the location. Who’s fighting?” 

“Me and Mingyu.” 

Jeonghan wasn’t going to correct his boyfriend’s grammar, nor was he even going to gasp. All that he had registered was the fact that a door to opportunity had just opened. 

His head turned to his boyfriend as the cashier rang up their items. Jeonghan’s face displayed shock but was predominantly excited. He may have looked as though he was gasping when he held a finger to his lips, but really he was thinking. 

“We could make this work.” 

S.Coups breath got caught in his throat.

“Huh?”

“Not that I’d let you run into harm's way, but we could use this fight to teach Mingyu a lesson. You can throw a punch.” Jeonghan laughed lightly. As an added measure, he let one of his hands trail up S.Coups arm to squeeze his bicep playfully.

S.Coups was originally annoyed that Jeonghan seemed so uncaring about him getting hurt or not he knew that was just how the blond came off. 

They got their food and walked towards their usual table. A large section had been left vacant, giving them room to talk quietly. 

“What do you mean ‘we’? I’m the one that’s gonna fight him.” S.Coups chuckled, poking the other’s side.

“I’m just saying. You could beat Mingyu up so much that Wonwoo will lose interest because he’s weak. You could go further than that and put him in the hospital but I don’t think Chaeyeon would like that.” 

S.Coups stopped him.

“You’re kidding right?”

The blond didn’t look like it. In fact, Jeonghan’s expression became grim, like he was disappointed in S.Coups for even asking the question.

“Does it look like I am? I may take Mingyu getting beat up lightly. But I take Wonwoo’s love life very seriously. Don’t you? Isn’t this why you’re fighting him?”

S.Coups nodded, slowly looking down at his feet as he thought. 

Jeonghan interpreted as his boyfriend feeling guilty, or perhaps, indecisive. It wasn’t good for the plan. They needed their heads to be in the game if they were going to keep Mingyu and Wonwoo fully apart. He would have expected Wonwoo to realize by now that Mingyu was no good. But he was too naive. And for that he needed to be protected and whatever threat to his security that there was needed to be dealt with. Immediately.

Luckily the opportunity had presented itself thanks to his boyfriend.

“Hey, look at me. You know I’ll still love you if you’re wearing a cast on your nose.” he giggled, holding S.Coups’s face.

S.Coups groaned.

“That’s not helping me want to fight him.” 

“Then think of all the times he’s made you angry. Wonwoo is who we’re doing this for, I get it. But think about what’s going to happen to _your_ captain position.”

Something came to life in S.Coups’s eyes and his head jerked up as if provoked. The football player threw the box of food he had in his hand onto the empty table behind him and grabbed Jeonghan’s hips, yanking him closer.

“What about my captain position?” he gritted, bringing their foreheads together.

Jeonghan only giggled.

“That’s the spirit Coups. Are you going to let him just take it? Or are you going to make sure he never plays football again?”

“He’s not going to take what’s mine.” S.Coups gritted. “I won’t let him. I’ll give him more than a concussion. I- I’ll fucking humiliate him in front of the team. Make them sorry.”

“They will be.” Jeonghan smiled, giving his boyfriend a peck on the lips. But S.Coups wasn’t having it. Instead, he brought the blond into his chest and kissed him, devouring his lips. 

Jeonghan laughed as he stepped back. Although it was his boyfriend who allowed him to. 

“You’re really aggressive today.” he said, covering his mouth as half-smiled and half-gasped.

S.Coups shrugged.

“I have a lot to get out.”

He supposed if he was really going to be a jerk, he could go call Tzuyu to help him with his problem. But he wasn’t. And besides. Punching Mingyu in the face was better.

VIII

The crew had all gathered in the library, taking up a whole four tables that they put together much to the librarian’s displeasure. She warned them about making too much noise but they shrugged it off, teasing her about her rumored relationship with one of their professors.

Mingyu had his close friends on the football team sit up front with him, even if they weren’t that deeply connected. Seokmin, Chan, Yugyeom and Mark were his best friends while the football team were more like the pals. Minus S.Coups, Jaehyun, Wonho and Changkyun. But it didn’t matter now, he needed everyone he could get. 

Seokmin and Chan being the devoted friends they were, sat hunched over the table with clasped hands, looking at him with determination. He actually felt like the CEO of a company for once, if not for the way they were leaned back in their chairs, their arms crossed behind their heads looking like they didn’t want to be disturbed.

But then Yugyeom spoke as if he actually sounded concerned.

“You’re really going to follow through with this Kim?” 

“Yeah, it’s not like you have to prove that you’re a tough guy.” Seokmin added. 

Before Mingyu could explain himself, Kai shouted out from the other side of the row of tables, breaking from the chatter of his friends.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” 

The tallest sent him a glare, crossing his arms as he sat back in his chair. 

The librarian shushed him from across the room, prompting Kai to lower his voice until it became too weak and pathetic.

“Fight. Fight. Fi-“ 

He went back to laughing with his friends as the other end of the table looked at him. 

“Dude. This is serious.” Yugyeom huffed. 

Mingyu shrugged, turning back to the rowdy bunch.

“Let em be. I only need them to do one thing. It’s not that hard.” He said, looking calmly at them. 

“And what’s that?” Chan asked, spinning from side to side as he inclined his head.

Mingyu hadn’t even spared them a look. Rather, he was waiting for his teammates on the other end to stop so he could continue. But he was being more than simply patient, he was just itching to explode. Seokmin eyed him as if he was about to pop a vein.

Despite knowing how much of a temper Mingyu had, they were all in for a shock when his mouth snapped open.

“SHUT UP!” 

The long and loud shout caused Chan to stop moving and for Seokmin’s shoulders to flinch. Yugyeom and Mark jumped up in their seats as if a bucket of cold water had been poured on them while they were sleeping. The football team’s heads whipped towards him. 

Over the shushing of the librarian, Sehun looked up at him with a sheepish grin. 

“Sorry about that.” the captain chuckled, ruffling Kai’s hair. “The kid was being a little too funny.”

“No worries.” Mingyu exhaled, making eye contact with each one of them to warn them not to interrupt him again.

“Yeah guys, shut up.” Bambam told them from where he was playing on his phone. Mingyu could tell he still didn’t like Wonwoo ever since he thought he saw him and Jaehyun flirting at Josh’s party. At least the kid was nice enough to hold him back at the bowling alley, preventing him from making an even bigger fool of himself and sending Jaehyun to the hospital. Bambam just needed to meet Wonwoo, then he’d like him. But he didn’t want Bambam to end up like Kai.

“Sorry Kim.” Kai said, raising his hands. “Didn’t know you were this serious about Wonwoo’s ass so much.”

“Fuck.” Bambam said. “Don’t get me thinking. I want to hate him but how could I?”

“Hey, cut it out or else you’re next after S.Coups.” Mingyu barked.

“He barely has an ass what are you talking about.” Yugyeom muttered, ignoring his friend but earning a shove from him across the table. It wasn’t really the insult that got to him, just the fact that they were talking about Wonwoo’s body. Yet it didn’t stop the conversation from further deteriorating.

Kai snorted at what Yugyeom said.

“You’ve obviously never been behind him on the stairs.” 

“Because I’m not a pervert.” 

“Tell that to Kim.”

“You don’t need to.” he growled, noticeably clenching his fists on the table.

“Guys.” Chan clapped his hands. “Mingyu’s had enough. He’s really trying today. Just once can you let up?” 

They all sighed, slumping in their seats.

“Alright, I’m sorry. For real this time.” Kai said, lowering his head. 

“Great.” Mingyu huffed, crossing his arms.

“Now here’s what I need you guys to do. We’re all going to be at the woods at three o’clock-”

“But some of us have class.” Chan groaned. 

“Yeah, I actually like my class.” Bambam added, laughing with the rest of them. 

“I don’t care.” Mingyu scowled. “You’re going to be there whether you like it or not.”

“Are we going to beat up S.Coups or something?” Sehun asked, not really liking how Mingyu was making the plan sound.

“No, I got something better.” Mingyu grinned like the devil. “Oh, and one more thing. Make sure to wear your jerseys.”

IX

“You aren’t really going to engage in this kind of foolishness, are you?” Wonwoo asked, trying to keep up with S.Coups as he stormed across the parking lot. It almost felt like a tail-gating party considering the amount of people walking with them, all talking to each other about the upcoming fight and who they think was going to win. 

S.Coups shook his head.

“I don’t want to talk right now Won. I need to keep my head in the game.”

“If anything you need to get your head out of the clouds.”

_And out of Jeonghan’s ass._

The older boy grunted.

“And you’re one to talk? That’s why I wanna fight. You’re obviously not going to get over this guy. So I’ll make sure he gets over you.”

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo furrowed his brows. 

There was obviously an issue underlying the current situation. He should have realized it. Should have seen it-

“Cheolie! Don’t speak to Wonwoo like that. Have you forgotten why you’re doing this?” Jeonghan scolded him. The blond had his arms crossed as he glared at his boyfriend. They were all a little out of breath but Jeonghan’s voice stayed firm.

The football player didn’t give an answer, instead, he only shook his head as he sped up past them. It was like S.Coups despised him for being so ignorant. Like he should have known. He turned to Jeonghan out of desperation.

“Hannie, you aren’t going to let him do this are you?” 

“This is what S.Coups wants to do. You remember how much he wants to look out for you? Well, consider the offense as the best defense. This thing that we have going on… it ends today.”

“It will end with someone getting hurt. You’re okay with that?” he pressed, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m okay with my boyfriend getting a couple of bruises and scratches if it means Mingyu will learn his lesson.”

“But- it’s only going to make him angrier.”

“Or more afraid.” Jeonghan retorted, but it wasn’t a simple scoff. The blond looked at him with an ice cold stare. There was something far sinister in those eyes than mere steam that had to be let out.

“Yeah, he’ll totally be more afraid of S.Coups when S.Coups is in a full body cast.”

“You think S.Coups will lose?” Jeonghan replied, putting a hand on his hip.

Wonwoo chuckled to himself.

“All I’m sure of is that Mingyu and S.Coups aren’t going to give up until one of them can’t even move their legs.”

“Well at least you can get your entertainment out of it. Just know that we’re doing this for you Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, not knowing if he could continue heading on the march to his friend’s doom. But he wouldn’t stop trying. He had to think of something, even if S.Coups was annoyed with him, or if he was too caught up in his gallantry, he could still pull him out. Words still held power.

His fingers dug into his palms as he clenched his teeth. He watched his feet take their steps, grimacing with dread as they reached the vacant parking lot next to the woods. The shoes of the would-be bystanders all around him scratched the asphalt ground, becoming louder and rougher as they walked through the dirt path towards the beach. 

He couldn’t hide the anger he felt for everyone around him and he glared at them, letting them know how despicable they all were with an ice cold glance. Most of them he didn’t even know, but he would gladly address them and tell them that they were pathetic if they wanted to make a spectacle out of two boys who had once been friends fight it out. Jeonghan may as well have made them pay to see the fight. Yet it was Mingyu who had his friends tell the whole school there was going to be one. He thought Mingyu was better than that.

Since it was getting closer to the end of Fall, the air had gotten dryer and colder, making him want to shrivel up. Yet Wonwoo remained stoic, walking perfectly in a straight line as if he was part of a funeral procession. He didn’t have time to be anxious about how he looked or what he was doing, not when the dark green pine trees off to the sides of the dirt path captivated him like he were in some winter forest. The smell of pine overwhelmed him, but it was not in the good sense. He didn’t like how dark it felt under the canopies of trees nor did he like how the scent of pine made him feel as if he was off in some other world; in the middle of nowhere land. 

The bright gray sky was even worse, reminding him that summer had died and winter was approaching. It was like there was no in between. Yet he was somehow trapped in it. 

“Wonu!” the voice of his friend rang in his ears, then the sound of feet plowing through pine needles hit him on the left side. He turned to see Jungkook rushing up to him, swaying from side to side as he looked him over like something was wrong with him.

“Kookie.” he replied. It sounded as though he were gasping for air but Jungkook was too busy dragging him along to the front of the trail of people who were emptying out in a clearing up ahead. His eyes became half-lidded, opening sporadically as if he was trying to stay awake. He pressed his fingers into the side of his head as if he were trying to massage it. It had been racing all day.

If they walked straight ahead they would have reached the beach, but the line of students veered off to the left side and up a small incline which led most likely to a park or space to hang out. 

As they rounded the small corner they entered a wide dirt clearing, wide enough to hold dozens of people who had congregated along the sides. They left space of course like the herds of sheep making way for the wolves who stood at the top of the slope. It disgusted him.

Mingyu must not have arrived as fast as S.Coups had, as the older boy stood in the center of the clearing, waiting impatiently as Jeonghan seemed to be giving him a pep talk.

“Have you seen my friends? The people who still have their sanity I hope.” 

Jungkook snorted.

“They’re here but they left their heads behind. Look, right over there.” he said, pointing to a group of people along the incline. Because of his height he saw Jun first with Minghao and Seungwkwan whispering to each other as Vernon stood there looking like he was going to melt through the ground. He was simply boiling with rage. At least there were a few who understood him. 

He was about to rush over to his group of friends in the hopes of getting them to intervene, but then S.Coups started yelling. He jumped on the balls of his feet as his arms went straight to his sides. It was like he was standing at attention. The powerful yell of a man always made him like that.

After taking a moment to collect himself, he walked over to where S.Coups and Jeonghan were standing, S.Coups with his fists resting on his hips and Jeonghan with his arms crossed. The scene was too familiar. Their poses, the looks on their faces, their statuses in their friend group… He was about to freeze in his tracks but pressed on, bringing himself into the center where all eyes would be on him. At least, he could feel their imaginary weight. 

“Wonwoo, what are you doing.” Jungkook hissed. “This is no place for you. Do you know what’s going to happen?”

It warmed his heart that Jungkook cared about him. Even if he didn’t heed the other boys words, he turned around and granted him a light smile. Instead of nodding to Jungkook as if he were a child, he shook his head. 

He didn’t know what was going to happen. 

Yet his smile told Jungkook that nothing would stop him from getting in the middle of a fight. And Jungkook knew nothing would. It was not that he had given up on getting Wonwoo to see reason, but respect for his friend’s judgement. Speaking about respect, S.Coups and Mingyu deserved none of it, but he didn’t let that get in the way of his mission. Not even the roar in S.Coups voice could sway him.

“Where’s Kim?” the older boy demanded, glaring at the rest of the football team where they stood huddled in one large block.

“He wanted to fight didn’t he? You gonna tell me that Kim’s a fucking wimp or what?” 

S.Coups had elicited a few chuckles from his teammates who looked at each other and grinned.

“Hold your horses Choi. He’s coming.” a voice called back. 

He recognized it to be Sehun’s who poked his head up from the back. He hoped the guy hadn’t lost his sanity as well. He thought the captain was the most reasonable one on the team. Apparently not.

But he didn’t like reasonable men after all, did he?

“No I’m not going to wait for him. I’ll challenge any of you to fight if I wanted to. You aren’t going to let Kim get the position. I certainly won’t. None of it will slide so long as I’m still on the team. You got that?” S.Coups pointed, staring down each and every one of them. 

“You’re a bunch of fucking pussies thinking I’ll just let Kim take what’s mine. And after this, you’re all gonna be sorry you stood with that fucking low-life when I’m through with him. I’ll-”

He tapped S.Coups on the shoulder lightly but when he didn’t turn around, he moved in front of him, stopping him from tearing his vocal chords. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Wonwoo asked, low and menacingly. His shoulders were locked and his eyes were freezing hot. 

“I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do.”

“Are you too ashamed to admit it?” he asked quietly, voice still unnerving.

S.Coups only glared at him.

“Why would I be ashamed of wanting what’s best for you? That’s what Jeonghan and I have wanted for a while now. And this is how you repay is?” he raised an eyebrow, pausing for a second. The older boy released a breath, chuckling at him. “Get out of here Wonwoo. It isn’t proper that someone like you would see two guys fighting right?” he said lightly. Yet it was coated in malice.

“You’re going to have to make me. I’m not leaving.”

“Please, Wonwoo.” Jeonghan called out to him. “Whatever that’s been going on has been festering inside of us all. It’s time it comes out. It’s unfortunate that it has to happen this way but just think, tomorrow the weight will be lifted off our shoulders.” the blond said, taking a deep breath as he gave him a smile.

“You’re only creating more problems. When S.Coups ends up in the hospital there will be an even greater weight on your shoulders. We need to talk this out- this is my fault. I shouldn’t have let it boil under the rug like this. Please, don’t do this because of me.” 

Jeonghan crossed his arms, turning towards him. 

“Even if you and Mingyu had settled things, he hasn’t. And until the whole team knows who’s captain, S.Coups won’t stop. But thanks to the light you’ve shed on Mingyu’s behavior, we understand now that he can’t be allowed to continue doing what he wants and being selfish.”

“But look what you’re doing.” Wonwoo gritted. “S.Coups is being anything but selfless. And you, you’re selflessness is the reason why we’re all here. You know what, I take back what I’ve said. If you had just left this alone, this would have never festered. My life wasn’t spilling over onto yours, you were infringing on mine. I know what you’ve been telling S.Coups. Yes. Oh don’t give me that look Jeonghan. Your lip service to ‘best interests’ and ‘selflessness’ won’t work on me. So stop this because there’s no use in continuing. You failed. I haven’t fooled.”

Jeonghan straightened his stance, clicking his shoes together. He brought his hands down to his pockets as he gathered himself for a moment. Inhaling a breath, the blond looked up at him, as if he was willing to forgive and forget his outburst.

“Wonwoo, I think- when you become more mature... you will see that there is always a use for everything in life. The ends are so great and noble that the means can be justified beyond our comprehension. Trust me. It will feel good to have this whole ordeal done and over with. Mingyu won’t ever be able to hurt you again, so long as you do what your friends tell you. We know Wonwoo, we know. We may not be omniscient but we’re older and wiser, and we’re telling you to forget about this day ever happening. Don’t you wish you forgot meeting Mingyu? You must have. He’s caused you so much pain. It’s been hurting us as well. Won’t you consider how we feel, how this- this petty little crush you have has been affecting us?” 

Wonwoo gulped but it was barely noticeable as he hid his face by craning his neck and giving Jeonghan the cold shoulder.

“Wonwoo, c’mon.” Jeonghan chuckled, extending his hand to lead him down the hill. 

To the blond’s dismay, he didn’t accept it. He would not be treated like a child nor act like one. For a second he thought he felt shame. But as he was about to suppress it, he stopped himself, asking why he was letting Jeonghan get to him. Yet instead of suppressing the feeling, he vanquished it, turning around full force to look Jeonghan in the eye.

“I’ll buy you coff-” the blond was in the middle of saying in that melodious motherly tone of his when Wonwoo’s sudden movement stopped him.

“Do you really think you can manipulate me?” he whispered, looking down at him from where he stood slightly higher on the slope. 

“I don’t-” Jeonghan stopped, his smile faltering.

“Go ahead. Play your violin. Cry. Do whatever you want to try and appeal to my emotions. You won’t ever get to me. It’s only when you've run out of rational arguments that you stoop this low. But you haven’t just been arguing against me, but your own self. Telling yourself that what you’re doing is right because it’s selfless. That you care for your friends so much that you would demand they sacrifice freedom for protection, friendship for authority, happiness… for your twisted view of reality.

Do you really think you’re acting noble? Do you think we live in medieval times? If everyone were to act like you, there’d be battles every second of the day. Murder would breed murder, theft, theft. Would you have that? 

Soon God will be so disappointed in us so much so that even holy water will become impotent. If we all continue down this path - just like the one we took to get here - only another flood could wash away all our sins and our existence in the process. For what is man without sin? 

If being human is to seek revenge, then I renounce humanity. Just as you have renounced me.” Wonwoo said bitterly. 

Before S.Coups could mutter something and before Jeonghan could recover himself, Wonwoo snapped at them again. But this time, he looked more confused than disgusted.

“What are you avenging anyways? Your unearned pride? You’re easily breakable heart? Or your own mistakes?

You think that by fighting for my happiness that you deserve praise, a badge of honor, or whatever that serves your self-righteous ends? If that’s really what you think, then I don’t think we could be friends. We’re very different, you and I. And I will not put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. To think I would have kept my enemies close.” he chuckled.

“Then again, bad company always ruins morals.”

Wonwoo sniffed as he rubbed his eyes. He grinned in an almost hysterical way, but he did so in an attempt to get it together. He couldn’t let his own words break him.

“I hope you get a good laugh out of this.” he said to both of them, finally deciding to give up and start walking downhill. 

“Wait! Wonwoo! Don’t you want to stay and watch the fight?” Sehun called out to him. 

He was shocked but he didn’t show it, only giving the captain a side eye as he shook his head. He thought Sehun would have stopped the madness. That, and he figured S.Coups or Jeonghan would at least consider what he was saying and tell him not to go.

“I’m good.” he said, putting his hands up.  
  


Sehun didn’t relent.

“C’mon. Who would miss a fight?”

“I faint at the sight of blood.” he retorted, grinning to himself only in an attempt to suppress his anger.

“Don’t worry, there won’t be any.”

“Whatever you s-”

_What?_

He spun around, suddenly becoming reinvigorated. He knew that voice.

“Mingyu.” he gritted, glaring at the direction the voice came from. It made him even more angry that he couldn’t see the boy. Even if he was the tallest one there. 

He had to give the guy a piece of his mind. If only he could see him.

Wonwoo supposed the football player was hiding somewhere behind his teammates which made him raise a brow. What was Mingyu doing out of sight?

Apparently, S.Coups had the same question.

“Get out from behind your buddies Kim and fight me like a real man!” 

“Chill.” Mingyu chuckled, voice muffled slightly by the bodies in front of him. Standing to full height as he appeared over his teammate’s heads with a smirk on his face. 

“I’m right here.” 

S.Coups reacted instantly but Jeonghan was just as quick, grabbing onto his shoulders before he could pounce.

“Wait.” the blond whispered, wondering what the hell Mingyu was up to.

As if synchronized, the football team split into two, parting like the Red Sea. 

And then, the anger evaporated off Wonwoo’s face and his mouth formed into a soft ‘o’ as he held the side of his cheek with a hand.

There he was, the stud of the school, star athlete of the football team, and better yet... the philanderer. But now, he had become the gentleman Wonwoo had always dreamed of.

Kim Mingyu had outdone himself. 

Hey may have been saving his tuxedo for later, but he looked dapper in his jersey with his hair slicked back nonetheless. As Mingyu stepped forward, he finally noticed how handsome the taller boy looked. His dress shirt was surprisingly unstained along the arms, defining his muscles. Although they didn’t need to be defined, in fact the sleeves were making them bulge. But Wonwoo didn’t let himself think of any of those things, focusing only on the way Mingyu walked towards him, as if he had known this was his dream. It was like fairy godmother had granted his wish until midnight, but Mingyu had promised him with that charming smile of his that he’d make the most of it.

That’s exactly what it felt like. 

Like it wasn’t real.

Especially the roses. They fit in Mingyu’s hand even if it was large and would have been awkward looking. They even contrasted perfectly against his dark blue jersey. He wondered if the taller boy bought them because he really liked him or if it was just for that effect.

Who was he kidding? The smile the football player was giving him would have swept him off his feet… if he hadn’t already been in another world.

Wonwoo could do nothing but hold his breath and gape as the taller boy strode towards him, still smirking as he held the flowers up against his chest, straight and proud.

He was still in denial. That smile- it was too good to be true. It wasn’t as though it was a new found expression that had crossed the other boy’s face, but realization and confirmation. As if Mingyu was now sure of himself and eager to prove his love for him. 

He had yearned to be smiled at like that, especially after it had been so long. It was not something new and infantile that Mingyu had worn on his face, but the resurgence of tender love that had been cultivated over the time that they had been apart. It was like they had dated before, or better yet, had known each other in heaven before being born. Except, all of those things were supposed to feel less, not just as real. He was still trying to comprehend what exactly was going on when Mingyu stepped in front of him, one hand in his pocket as his other held out the bouquet of flowers.

The smell of roses overcame him just like the pine forest, but this time, it was too sweet. Too natural for him. It was a foreign smell, nothing like he had experienced before. It was almost overbearing, Like he had exchanged his rose-colored lenses for a rose-smelling nose. It was too much.

Yet he could not prevent his heart from skipping a beat when Mingyu’s hand came out from his pocket and reached for his, engulfing it with the warmth he had been deprived of. It was like sensory overload but he was beginning to enjoy it nonetheless, letting the football player hold his hand between his thumb and palm. Mingyu’s thumb caressed the top of his hand prompting Wonwoo to look down at it as if it had been submerged in a bath of warm water. Light but heavy at the same time. It was just another of the many contradictions in his life.

It was the first time he had seen Mingyu look so carefree yet serious. This time, he wasn't being protective, nor was he smiling because of a funny joke or some other tiny detail. Wonwoo could tell that the moment meant a lot to him and that Mingyu was counting on him. He froze at the sight of the taller leaning forward, lowering his chin as he grinned down at him. 

His eyes darted back and forth, like he was trying to understand the nature of the beast that now held him captive. But it was impossible to understand the monstrous with the familiar, just as it was impossible to know true love given that it was so foreign to him. Was it knowledge that was supposed to have been built into him, or had he failed to learn it? There was no time for questions now. Mingyu was towering over him, waiting for him to smile. But he was too shocked and confused to do anything but tremble before the taller boy.

And when Mingyu opened his mouth to speak, the hand that the athlete had been holding flicked upward as if he had been frightened. 

The football player shrugged it off as Wonwoo’s nerves getting to him and encircled his hand around his wrist, bringing him closer to his chest.

Mingyu’s chin was almost touching his forehead and he could feel the taller’s breath against his skin as he spoke.

“Jeon Wonwoo. Will you go to the dance with me?” 

Nothing came out of his mouth but a breath. 

_Yes. Yes I will._

Yet he suddenly felt tired. 

His head leaned forward, making a soft landing on the taller boy’s shoulder but not before he realized what had just happened did he push himself off lightly, partially stumbling backwards.

Mingyu stepped forward to wrap his hands around his back, smiling at the way Wonwoo was acting.

“Careful.” he chuckled. “I know I’m handsome but I didn’t know it’d make you like this.” 

The black-haired boy let out a flustered sigh, but his face hadn’t gone red nor did he seem to have taken it seriously. 

“Sorry. It’s- it’s a lot to take in it’s- too much.” Wonwoo giggled faintly, eyes becoming half-lidded.

“Wonu! Say ‘yes’!” Seokmin shouted from amongst the crowd, locking hands with Chan as they shook them. 

Everyone was watching him. 

“Wonwoo?” Mingyu arched a brow, still grinning fondly at him. “Will you go with me?”

His mind had given up processing the question and was rather entertained by the sound of his music box playing _Swan Lake_ in his head instead of the ringing sound from constant yelling. It was like he was already trying to escape into his fantasy, back to a place where he never discovered love.

“I- I think we should talk first. We- we shouldn’t rush into things.”

Mingyu’s smile faltered, but instead of morphing immediately into a frown, confusion crossed his face.

“What?” the taller replied, voice not so smooth and charming anymore.

“Everything you’ve done was very- very creative. And the flowers were very thoughtful. I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate all of this because I do. I do Mingyu, I want to go with you. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go on like this. Not when we have baggage. It’s… too far of a leap.”

“Me wanting to take you to the dance is too far of a leap?

Mingyu was too shocked to come up with a response, instead, he decided that asking the question again would spare him some time. Not that he didn’t understand what Wonwoo had said, but so that he could come up with a response. He suddenly felt torn between saying something admirable; that he understood where Wonwo was coming from and that he’d be glad to talk to him. And something that could save him from humiliation. 

He had to be in control. He wasn’t supposed to be caught off guard like this. He was the player, the stud, the guy who knew the game. And for Wonwoo to refuse to play it was a slap in the face almost. 

It was like the only thing that could save his pride now was something he shouldn’t be proud of. If he couldn’t get the most important person in the world to go to the dance with him, then he’d make Wonwoo not so important. Only then, maybe he could not feel so guilty and ashamed of himself, much less humiliated. After all, he didn’t want to feel guilt nevermind embarrassment. He didn’t want to be reminded that something happened between them that was worth talking about. No, he couldn’t give the conversation any legitimacy. If Wonwoo didn’t mean anything then all the rest would be void of meaning as well. He didn’t care if Wonwoo was his everything- he couldn’t. He’d rather sacrifice the meaning and purpose in his life just so he could escape the pain that resulted in being flawed and not enough. 

_Maybe pursuing the meaning of life and giving himself a purpose would help with the pain._

No. It couldn’t. He’d only be setting himself up for failure, just like he had done now. 

The void of meaninglessness in his heart had to be filled. And if Wonwoo wouldn’t fill it with his love, then maybe his own rage could. What better mixture was there besides anger and hopelessness? Would that make the world a better place? 

Mingyu didn’t know. He just knew it felt good to be angry. There was a thrill he got from the heat boiling and rising up within him. Anything felt better than being rejected.

The feeling of rage distracted him from the sudden anguish that Wonwoo’s words made him feel, and at least for a moment, the weight that had been pressing down on him for the past few weeks. Rejection was sharp, but the tragedy of never having Wonwoo accept him for who he was bore down on him as if the world was on his shoulders. He couldn’t do it. Even if the pain was dull, it encompassed his entire being, like he was being crushed. 

It couldn’t have been his mindset that had to be the problem, no, it was Wonwoo’s expectations. Wonwoo demanded the impossible. Why couldn’t he be happy for once? 

“Mingyu-” Wonwoo began, inhaling a breath as if he was gasping for air. “I take these things seriously. I’m not the kind that gives my heart out to anyone. I don’t want to be reckless. I don’t want _us_ to be. I know where these things will lead us. Things will fall apart if we don’t open up, we need a solid foundation. Passion- passion burns. And I- I don’t want just a high school romance with you. I want a real relationship. But we have to clean our house first.” he laughed, looking at Mingyu softly, as if the taller boy wasn’t glaring down at him. 

“We have to take the dragon out from under the rug or else it will grow so large it will destroy us. We can’t let things build up, we have to deal with them now, talk about it. You get me, right? Please say ‘yes’. ”

Mingyu shook his head slowly, clenching his fists. His eyes fell on Wonwoo’s faltering smile and he scowled as if he was disgusted by the person he was almost going to give flowers to. How could Wonwoo do this to him?

“No. I don’t get it. I’ll never understand you.” 

“But-”

“You just can’t let things go, can you? You have to dig things up that aren’t even relevant now. You want to open wounds and make it hurt more than it has to. And you always have to rub it in my face that I made a mistake. You want to feel like you’re better than me, that you took the high road. But guess what, I’ve always been on the high road. I’m the fucking star athlete here not you. I have girls bending over for me and I don’t even have to smile at them.”

Wonwoo frowned, narrowing his eyes as he released a strained breath. He was utterly repulsed by the sudden change in the football player’s demeanor, yet could he say he was surprised? Couldn’t he have seen it coming?

Mingyu didn’t stop.

“I don’t need you or your stupid morals. Look what it’s done to you.” he laughed. “I guess Jaehyun got bored of you huh? Haven’t seen him try to get you back. Maybe he’s just like me and realized that he likes pussy more than brains. Sucks that I realized that now. You weren’t ever worth the time Wonwoo. You’re not worth the trouble. I should have fucking stayed with Tzuyu. I’d rather listen to her moaning than you going on and on about stuff that no one even cares about.”

“Stop it!” Wonwoo said, gritting his teeth. But that only served to confuse the taller boy. 

Was he sad or angry? 

It didn’t matter. Whatever emotion Wonwoo was experiencing Mingyu wanted it to be painful enough to destroy him. Wonwoo thought that he was in control huh?

A cruel smirk crossed the football player’s face as he watched him break down, clutching his head with both fingers in an effort to massage the knots out of them. But his fingers remained frozen, trembling at the loss of warmth from Mingyu’s hand. 

Wonqoo would have thought that the football player would relent, spare him because he had the power to. Mingyu had the power to break him, and if sparing him showed that he was in complete control of the situation, then he would have done so.

But Mingyu didn’t care. He didn’t care about self-control or showing mercy. Wonwoo wasn’t worth it after all. Even if Mingyu was the most narcissistic bastard on the planet, he would have still forgiven him, yet what the football player said was more than erroneous or mistaken. Nor was it standard misbehavior. It was cruel. And deliberate cruelty was unforgivable. 

The change from love to hate should not have been taken seriously. He should have laughed in Mingyu’s face for being so wishy-washy. Either Mingyu was a good actor or he himself was blind. There was no way of knowing at the moment. That was supposed to be the whole purpose of a talk. But Mingyu wasn’t about talking. 

He should have realized that they could never be together. Yet who had betrayed him? Mingyu or himself?

What did he have left to stand on? It was like he was sinking in a pit of quicksand. The world as he had known it - the fantasy - had come crashing down. He was too caught up in his emotions that he couldn’t _think._ Philosophy couldn’t save him now. Why couldn’t it have been the encouraging words of Jungkook ringing in his ears instead of Mingyu’s? Why was the world suddenly against him? How quick power was to change hands. 

To think that his head had been up in the clouds for years, but now, he was becoming light-headed. His head fell forward slightly but his hand caught his forehead while his other was now restrained by the taller boy. He winced as Mingyu’s grip tightened on his wrist. He wanted to laugh at how Mingyu had transformed from a gentle giant to- he didn’t know what. He was glad he was feeling tired all of a sudden. He didn’t want to cry or feel anxious anymore. If the stares of dozens of fellow classmates may have been bad, Mingyu’s was worse. He didn’t need to look up at the football player to feel the hatred in his words. He could feel the blood pumping in his ears, his throat constricting, his eyes swelling… 

Mingyu was succeeding. He had already won since day one. His _fate_ had been sealed. 

“Aren’t you going to look me in the eye?” Mingyu shouted. “You just rejected me and you can’t even look me in the eye. You’re something Won! Did I ever tell you that? I used to think there was something special about you. But you only used it to make me feel bad about myself. It’s all about you isn’t it? Your wants. Your needs. You think the world revolves around you. Fucking hell, you’re stuck in your own world. 

Not to mention the fact that you really thought that this is serious? You’re funny. It’s not like I proposed to you but you’re acting like we’re getting married. Get out of here, seriously. You aren’t as much as you think you are, as I thought you were. You were just waiting for me to ask you to the dance weren’t you? Saving yourself for me?” he smirked. “You’re a fucking virgin. But I bet you still think you’re all that huh? You fucking act like it but you aren’t! And you know what, I should have let Shownu have his way with you. Or Wonho and Changkyun. You were probably begging for it, playing all pure and innocent. 

Maybe Jaehyun can fuck some sense into you if he’s that desperate. 

It’s what you fucking deserve. I bet if I wasn’t in the picture then you would have bent over for him if you haven’t already. You just wanted guys to fight over you didn’t you? Wanted to feel like you were special right?

I don’t care if you run off to your daddy and get me fired. All you’ve done is make my life harder. I wish I never met you. Got that? I fucking hate you!” 

Wonwoo’s breath hitched for the last time before he released it. Yet it felt like it had been stolen from him. 

“Gyu-” was all he managed to get out as Mingyu suddenly realized everything he had said. The football player didn’t have enough time to feel regret as he was too stricken with dread.

Finally, Wonwoo succumbed to the warm invisible embrace that received him as he fell back. It felt as good as falling asleep except he couldn’t savor the moment. The next thing he knew the sky was flickering between light and dark. His eyelashes fluttered as his pupils fell back behind his lids. It was not like he had simply fallen asleep. It was as if the world had ended. 

“Wonwoo-” Mingyu called out to him with a strained voice, jolting forward to try and catch him. Yet the football player was too late to save him. 

Two hands caught his back as his head fell against someone’s chest. Soon after, his body became limp but he had melted into the warmth of the person who caught him.

As he struggled to retain his awareness, he felt wind brush against his side. Then he heard a harsh voice mutter something. But before he could realize it was S.Coups, yelling began to ring again in his ears. 

_“I’ll fucking killl you for that!”_

As he was brought down the hill he forced his eyes to open, witnessing in horror as S.Coups punched Mingyu in the face. It wasn’t as devastating as he figured it would be - and that was considering the fact that S.Coups was built - but it wasn’t enough to knock Mingyu off his feet. It only seemed to make him angry. 

Shaking off the shock on his face, the taller boy retaliated with an even harder punch, causing S.Coups to stumble to the side as he held his jaw. 

Wonwoo grimaced, wanting to completely pass out right then and there. He couldn’t stand it. 

He wondered if that was how hard Mingyu wanted to hit him. Would that even be enough? Or would he go on to vent the rest of his anger on someone like Tzuyu? Or that new girl he had heard about. 

He was too tired to speculate.

Wonwoo’s eyes had once been filled with wonder yet were now void of any passion. At least, he now had validation.

The purpose of life was not about being happy. 

Without Mingyu, he felt as though he had nothing to get around that, no meaning, no purpose, nothing that could quell the pain. 

But he’d wallow in sorrow on another day. He was too tired.

His eyelids felt heavier and his face became lax. The chest that he was now leaned up against was what he imagined being with Mingyu would feel like. Yet even his imagination - no matter how overactive - was blank, as if to give his mind a much needed rest.

And what better sight to fall asleep to than those beautiful roses lying on the ground?

  
  


  
  


**Some stanzas I took from Maud (Part I)**

BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

A Monodrama

Come into the garden, Maud,

For the black bat, night, has flown,

Come into the garden, Maud,

I am here at the gate alone;

And the woodbine spices are wafted abroad,

And the musk of the rose is blown.

For a breeze of morning moves,

And the planet of Love is on high,

Beginning to faint in the light that she loves

In a bed of daffodil sky,

To faint in the light of the sun she loves,

To faint in his light, and to die.

I said to the rose, "The brief night goes

In babble and revel and wine.

O young lord-lover, what sighs are those,

For one that will never be thine?

But mine, but mine," so I sware to the rose,

"For ever and ever, mine."

And the soul of the rose went into my blood,

As the music clash'd in the hall;

And long by the garden lake I stood,

For I heard your rivulet fall

From the lake to the meadow and on to the wood,

Our wood, that is dearer than all;

Queen rose of the rosebud garden of girls,

Come hither, the dances are done,

In gloss of satin and glimmer of pearls,

Queen lily and rose in one;

Shine out, little head, sunning over with curls,

To the flowers, and be their sun.

There has fallen a splendid tear

From the passion-flower at the gate.

She is coming, my dove, my dear;

She is coming, my life, my fate;

The red rose cries, "She is near, she is near;"

And the white rose weeps, "She is late;"

The larkspur listens, "I hear, I hear;"

And the lily whispers, "I wait."

She is coming, my own, my sweet;

Were it ever so airy a tread,

My heart would hear her and beat,

Were it earth in an earthy bed;

My dust would hear her and beat,

Had I lain for a century dead,

Would start and tremble under her feet,

And blossom in purple and red.

X

“Ms. Lim. He’s awake.” Jeonghan said, prompting him to open his eyes. Despite the blond’s soft voice, he was frightened slightly by the sound. Before he could narrow his eyes and ask where he was, Jungkook appeared in front of him with a wide smile. 

“Wonu.” he said, grinning as if he were about to say ‘rise and shine.’

“Yes.” 

“Hi.” 

He chuckled to himself, rubbing his eyes in the hopes that he could wake up more. But then he realized he didn’t want to wake up… well, at least not for a while. Not until the pain of heartbreak had completely dulled. 

The smile he wore on his face was only a front, hopefully making Jungkook less worried about what just happened. His best friend may have patted him on the shoulder knowing he was somewhat alright, yet Jeonghan looked as frantic as ever which was really unlike him. 

From where he lay on the cold leather bed in the corner of the room, he spotted a woman who he assumed to be Ms. Lim stolling over to him with a blood pressure cuff. 

“You’re in the nurse's office in case you’re wondering. You still look kind of out of it.”

“Gee thanks. I hope I didn’t look stupid when I fainted.”

“No.” Jungkook laughed faintly, getting up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed to allow the nurse room. 

He groaned internally, making light of the situation in his own head.

It would have been funny if he was still out cold. Then Mingyu could barge through the door and kiss him, waking him up from his eternal slumber. That would be nice.

_Wait. Mingyu!_

He remembered. 

“Where’s S.Coups and Mingyu?” Wonwoo gasped, sitting straight up as if he was preparing to shake the answer out of Jungkook. 

“S.Coups is fine. Mingyu came in but only for some bandages and ice.”

“Kim didn’t know you were here.” Jeonghan added, crossing his arms as he uttered the name. He wondered if the older boy was simply trying to make Mingyu look bad.

“We wouldn’t let him see you anyways.” 

“If he even bothered.” Jungkook muttered under his breath.

“What?” he frowned. His arms suddenly felt weak from where they were supporting him as he sat up. Did someone just lie to him?

“Nothing.”

“No, tell me. Please.”

Jeonghan sighed, flashing Jungkook a look. It was obvious he didn’t want to be the one who said “I told you so.”

Jungkook looked down in shame.

“Mingyu actually-” his friend started, inhaling a breath before pausing. “He knew you were here.”

Wonwoo wasn’t so much as annoyed that Jeonghan lied to him. In fact, he now saw why and was actually warmed by the action. But it wasn’t enough.

“And Mingyu didn’t come to see me? Isn’t he worried?” 

Jungkook gave him a look of sympathy which meant only one thing.

“Wonwoo. Don’t you remember what happened?”

He took a deep breath, maintaining eye contact with Jungkook as he tried to figure out in his head how to answer the question. It was like fainting had taken a weight off his shoulder and he awoke as a new person. 

He could remember all of the events clearly as well as every word said. But not the meaning behind those words. It was as if they were all just noise. 

Maybe it hadn’t hit him yet. 

His body was always late to the party, but now, maybe it was his mind that still hadn’t reacted yet. It was scary.

“I guess, I’m just tired.” Wonwoo breathed, smiling at himself for looking like a buffoon. His eyes darted down to where his feet lay at the end of the bed and back up to Jungkook, as if he wasn’t sure of how he should be acting. Never had he felt this anxious in front of someone he was close to. 

“Mr. Jeon.” the nurse addressed him, holding out the black velcro cuff with two hands. “I’m going to need to take your blood pressure.”

Wonwoo nodded, holding out his arm.

_Tell me if you find anything interesting._

He was glad he wasn’t crying in front of the nurse nevermind his friends. Where were they by the way?

“Kookie, where’s everyone else?”

“They went back to class. The office reached its capacity. You’re really popular Won.” his friend smiled. 

“So popular that two guys beat each other up and got hurt. Mingyu was right. I really am special.” 

Jungkook frowned, clasping his hands in front of him as if he were paying his respects. Meanwhile Jeonghan could only scoff.

“I hope you forget about everything that dickhead said. I don’t care if I end up here next time. I’ll-”

“You don’t have to do that.” Wonwoo stopped him. “We’re cool. You don’t owe me anything. Okay?” 

Jeonghan let his shoulders fall. 

“It’s just what he said- it gets to me. I don’t know how you aren’t breaking down right now. I’d be livid.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook added lightly. “Not to sound weird or anything but I’m still struggling to believe that you’re not crying right now. Do you get over your crushes that fast?”

“I wish.”

A couple of more minutes passed before Ms. Lim finished checking his breathing. Jungkook and Jeonghan took their seats in the corner of the room, sitting quietly together.

He couldn’t help but make circles with his foot as he crossed his legs. It made him feel even more impatient. He had to find Mingyu and fast.

_But why?_

It was almost like he had an instinct to see him. Yet would he act on that instinct? It felt like he was becoming an animal. He had found out that he was everything he detested. And what did he know? He was insane. What else would the world throw at him?

“Everything checks out alright. Are you feeling better Wonwoo?” the nurse asked.

He smiled at the sound of her voice, nodding once more. The kindness of everyday people could get him through the rest of the day, even when he himself couldn’t.

“Good. Feel free to stay here and rest or go back to class if you want. I don’t mind any decision you make.” Ms. Lim told him, patting his shoulder.

“I think I’ll go back to class. Thank you.” 

At that, he set his legs down on the tiled floor in synchrony with Jungkook and Jeonghan who stepped towards the door.

“Just a moment.” Ms. Lim said to his friends and then turned to look at him. “Do you mind talking for a minute?”

He nodded shyly, waving at Jungkook when he peered through the glass, signaling that he’d be in the waiting area. 

As the door creaked shut, the air suddenly became solemn. Like the nurse was about to tell him that he was going to die.

“Wonwoo, I think you may have an inkling as to what I’m going to suggest here, but let me provide context first. I happened to notice that it isn’t hot out. I know, right?” she laughed, as if it wasn’t obvious. “You weren’t sweating, and your breathing was just fine. And I don’t think lack of sleep or tiredness had anything to do with it.”

He hummed, not knowing what to say. He did have an idea of where she was going though but he couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“Wonwoo, I think you fainting was a result of mental stress. That’s why I believe it’s in your best interest to have a chat with the school psychologist. I don’t think that it was caused by seeing two boys fighting. This is something deeper. But I’m not an expert. Am I making much sense?” she smiled.

Taking in everything she said, he looked up at her slowly, putting a hand on his forehead.

“I- I’m not the expert either.”

“But you know yourself more than I do. Do you believe that there is an underlying problem that caused you to faint? Or was it shock?”

He shook his head, not knowing where to begin.

“I don’t want to lie to you. And I don’t want to dump everything that’s on my mind right now onto you. But I’ll take your advice. Thank you again.”

“My pleasure Wonwoo.” she said, crossing her arms. In curiosity, she tilted her head as she watched him leave the room.

Wonwoo didn’t know whether he was simply evading her questions or because he was impatient. He simply felt a sudden itch to find Mingyu and talk to him, no matter how irrational it was. 

“Where do you think you’re going Won?” Jungkook asked, playfully arching a brow. Jeonghan kept his usual calm but he looked more serious.

“I’m going to try and talk to Mingyu. Hopefully he’s got it all out of his system.”

Jungkook slapped his forehead.

“If he did he would have apologized to you. Believe me, there’s shit he still needs to deal with and it’s probably still boiling inside him.”

“I can try to fix-”

“It’s dangerous Wonwoo. Please. Listen.” Jeonghan begged, bringing his arms down to his sides. “You aren’t the one who’s supposed to be fixing things. He is. And you- you need to relax and let us handle it. I’m going to try and talk to S.Coups, we’ll all work something out.”

He couldn’t believe it.

Jeonghan was actually trying to help him. But he didn’t feel happy about it. It wasn’t like Jeonghan’s help wasn’t worth it. He simply felt ashamed that Jeonghan thought he’d have to support his delusional journey in order to be his friend again. 

At least Jeonghan still wanted to be his friend.

“I’m really grateful for what you’re saying guys, but I’m not afraid. Whatever happens, it’s my responsibility for choosing to still try to talk to him. I know that and I don’t want you to think I don’t value your opinion because I do. I’m just very certain I can do this.”

“We’re coming with you.” Jungkook said, not in the mood to argue or cause Wonwoo any more stress. But the black-haired boy stared at him grimly. 

“It’s between Mingyu and I.” 

_Was it?_

Why couldn’t he just drop it? Why did he have to let it bubble and spill over once more?

That was why he was going to settle this with Mingyu immediately. 

He’d just have to get through the mob of people waiting for him. It wasn’t really a mob, just his group of friends. He didn’t want to be rude but he immediately pounced on S.Coups who had sports tape wrapped around his arms and an ice pack held up against his jaw.

S.Coups managed to give him a sheepish smile but avoided eye contact as he caught sight of Wonwoo’s stricken face. The younger frowned at him from across the waiting room, storming towards him as if he were about to scold him. Yet all he could feel was shame that this had to happen, like it was a fact of life that he couldn’t wrap his head around. 

Before he could ask if the football player was alright, S.Coups stopped him, staring him in the eye with newfound confidence, as if justice demanded it.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Cheol-.”

“There’s no excuse. I should have listened to you because you’re my friend. But I don’t blame you if you don’t want us to be friends anymore.”

“That’s not what I want.” he shook his head frantically. It wasn’t that he was so desperate to hold on to people but he had created a bond with them. They weren’t simply a support system for him. They made his life better. 

“We might have made you think that this was all your fault but it’s not. We got ourselves into this mess and we don’t want you to feel guilty or anything. If anything I feel guilty. But if you forgive me, I’d really be grateful. _We’d_ be grateful.” 

In that moment, he felt a gentle wind caress his side as the blond angel that was S.Coups’s boyfriend came around to face him, looking at him daringly.

“Wonwoo. I need you to listen to me. You don’t have any reason to but out of good faith I’m begging you.” Jeonghan clasped his hands together, moving them against his chest as he pleaded. It looked as though he was about to lose himself emotionally. Maybe collapse on the floor in praise or sorrow.

“I know you’re tired. But I just have to tell you one thing. I don’t want you to be upset more than you have to be. And don’t think I’m telling you this because I feel bad for you. But I see now that I was in the wrong. You were right Wonwoo.” the blond exhaled, looking at him with pleading eyes. “You were right. Please- will you forgive me? I’m sorry Won.” he said, shaking his head in disappointment of himself. He gasped for breath, struggling to speak coherently. “I’m sorry.” 

Wonwoo inclined his head to the side, rubbing his temple. He was too shy to look Jeonghan in the eye but he released a light-hearted chuckle, hoping that Jeonghan knew he wasn’t angry.

“Jeonghan, please, don’t cry. You’re going to make me cry.” he giggled. “You know I don’t care who’s wrong or who’s right. And I hope you don’t. At the end of the day we’re still friends. I just want to be friends. That’s all that matters.” he said, sobbing in between laughs. 

“Now stop acting like you came off Broadway and c’mere.” 

Jeonghan sniffled, looking at S.Coups in what appeared to be a bid for reassurance. Yet as he found out, the blond was telling his boyfriend to join them and the three of them hugged. It was the second time in his whole adolescent life that he initiated a hug. It felt like he was making progress, not with a fantasy, but in real life, with his friends; the people who he truly cared about here and now. The roots to his tree. 

It really helped. 

The fact that Jun and Minghao joined in made him feel even warmer although they were all careful not to squeeze S.Coups too hard. Seungkwan rubbed his red eyes before walking towards them slowly while Jungkook jumped right in, acquinting himself with his friends. 

Of course they had to be kicked out since the nurses office was becoming too busy and so Wonwoo made his escape from there, even if they were all trying to hold onto him.

Whatever Mingyu was going to say to him now didn’t frighten him. 

XI

Seokmin didn’t know why he was still hanging around with Mingyu in the library when he should have been doing what S.Coups failed to finish. How could they all just joke around with the guy like that, as if he hadn’t just yelled at someone to the point of passing out? Especially when that someone was Wonwoo. 

He supposed he should have felt worse. He _did_ feel worse. Not only because he was still in Mingyu’s company, but because he was the one who told the football player that Wonwoo liked him. That in itself wasn’t necessarily a crime, but the fact that it was something personal Wonwoo revealed to him… well, it was low of him to expose his secret, especially after he and Chan persuaded Wonwoo to trust them. They all wanted what was best for their friends didn’t they? And they had told Mingyu because they thought it would get them together. 

Maybe that was the problem; the shroud of altruism. 

_“Oh no, not for me. I’m doing this for the greater good. I’m doing this because it is what’s best for you._ _Look at me, I’m such a good person.”_

Could he hide under it’s cloak any longer? Or was he simply hiding in Mingyu’s shadow where he belonged?

Maybe there was such a thing as guilt by association, yet somehow, being in a group made him feel less responsible, as if they all bore the burden together. But how could they when each of them passed up the burden, thinking that another member would take it when that was not the case. And if they did take that burden, then one group member would not be bearing the burden of one individual, but the entire group’s burden. 

Why should he care? That person was performing a duty for the greater good. 

But he wasn’t pondering such questions so much as he was sulking. Scowling at Mingyu and his friends for being so carefree. Of course Yugyeom and Mark had said something to their friend about his callous disregard for Wonwoo’s feelings - although they didn’t put it that way - but the two gave up, melting into the pot of obnoxiousness that was Mingyu’s gang of buddies from the football team. The only people who weren’t there were Kai, Sehun and Chan. Kai was off doing who knew what and Chan and Sehun left the group in protest. What hurt even more was the look his friend gave him when he said he was staying. But was it simply a ‘boy’ thing to do; to stay huddled in groups and obeying the commands of its leader, or was it because they simply didn’t have the time of day to ever reflect on such questions, much less their own sovereignty. 

But that was the thing.

Kim Mingyu was the stubborn ruler of men and Wonwoo was a free bird. Any kind of relationship was doomed from the beginning. What did they expect? He even heard that in a debate Mingyu had defended absolute monarchy while Wonwoo defended republicanism.

Yet what disturbed him was the fact that Wonwoo was so willing to sacrifice his own freedom and everything that he believed in for someone like Kim Mingyu. 

He couldn’t even say his name. He didn’t even want to say his own. It was all his-

Seokmin was freed from his daze by the sound of the library’s door handles shaking before Wonwoo burst through the ntrance. The doors didn’t even have time to click but rather swung open, arousing him to full awareness. 

He wished Mingyu could have made them all leave school earlier and go play basketball or something. Anything would be better than letting Wonwoo stumble upon something that would smash the shattered remnants of his heart into dust. 

The black-haired boy stood a few feet away from the door, frozen still. 

There, off to the right in a shadowy corner of the room was a boy who Seokmin once knew as a friend sucking the face off of some girl who was laid out across his lap. The football player was sitting back on a lounge chair, running his hands all along the girl’s body. Except she wasn’t some girl as Wonwoo may have thought. Although he doubted that Wonwoo had time to think at that moment. All he could do was bear witness to the greatest sin; barely comprehensible to man but intolerably painful. How could Wonwoo ever understand what was happening in front of him? 

Chaeyeon may have not been involved but she knew. 

Even if Mingyu was a king, he had been persuaded by Chaeyeon to worship her like a goddess who had given him the divine right to her body. But was it earned? It wasn’t just the right itself that mattered, but the value and the valuer. What made Chaeyeon so divine? What made Mingyu so worthy?

Nothing that Seokmin knew of.

Yet Mingyu definitely saw something. It was Chaeyeon’s inviting eyes, her flashy clothes, and most of all, her own self-degradation that appealed to him. Perhaps the football player had a thing for women who treated themselves as he would have treated them. It only made his fantasies more… _kinky._

It made Seokmin sick. But Wonwoo remained composed.

The black-haired boy wasn’t so repulsed by Mingyu’s vulgarity and blatant lack of self-control. It was like he saw something deeper; something like... the implications. 

From how Wonwoo stood stiffly but unbalanced, clenching his fists by his sides, it was like Wonwoo was debating with himself. Maybe he was stuck between deciding to slap Mingyu or just yelling at him. But there was something more to that face he wore.

It was like Wonwoo was asking himself whether he’d want a man who sold his soul for a little bodily gratification, or delayed that little ounce of gratification so he could keep it. But then again, it wasn’t like Mingyu wasn’t Mingyu without his soul; his principles, his integrity and so on. 

No, Mingyu had said it himself. He was the star football player. He had all the girls bending over for him. If he just so happened to violate his own moral code, he’d still have all those other things. They were what mattered most to him it seemed, not Wonwoo.

And the black-haireed boy was seeing that now, publicly and shamelessly, done in front of him as if he was a dead corpse and his grave was being desecrated as two bodies made love over it.

But Mingyu deserved a little self-gratification didn’t he? Even if it came at the price of his integrity, he still deserved it right? As if Chaeyeon could fulfill him. 

Mingyu deserved to go to hell. 

He hoped his ‘friend’ was enjoying himself while he still could, even if he knew Wonwoo was watching them. 

The laughter of the football team stopped as they realized what was going on, connecting the dots with their puny little brains, just now understanding the thoughts that were racing through Wonwoo’s mind.

They didn’t have time to imagine much as the black-haired boy spun around, expecting the people behind him to move out of the way as he left the library. 

Too bad all of the books couldn’t have rubbed off on Mingyu. 

Seokmin heard he didn’t like to read anyways. 

  
  


XII

Wonwoo didn’t entertain any of his racing thoughts. He just knew he had to find somewhere to let himself go. 

That was why he made a run for the bathroom, yanking open the door, not caring if it banged against the wall. 

He was met with a dimly-lit blue-tiled room which was relatively clean fortunately. Although that didn’t matter, so long as he was alone.

All he could hear was his own footsteps, then the jingling off the stall’s notch handle and the sound of it creaking open. He shut it behind him, staring at nothing but his feet before burying his head in his hands.

“Get it together.” he gritted to himself, gasping for breath.

He thought of hitting himself in the head but he could only laugh.

His head fell back as he laughed at the world, wondering to himself how he got in this mess. 

But it wasn’t as messy as he thought it was. There was another option; simply not caring. 

Was that even possible?

He guessed when he couldn’t calm himself down, there was only one other thing he could do that worked. 

Holding his chain, he began to whisper. His teeth unclenched and the area around his eyes softened, becoming less tense. He sniffled as he brought his head up, looking as though he was exalting the ceiling with the way he squeezed his hands together. 

Wonwoo just needed to calm down. All he needed was a little ounce of strength to walk out of there looking as though nothing happened. It’s all he asked for now. To think he was asking for a miracle only a few hours ago.

But then he got his answer. 

The door at the other end of the room creaked open followed behind slow but heavy footsteps. Before his breath could hitch in fear of who might find him, a familiar voice broke through the sound of the blood pumping in his ears.

“Wonwoo?”

_Vernon._

“That’s my name.” he chuckled, trying to mask the sobbing hiccup in his voice.

“I saw you come in here and I wanted to know if you’re okay.”

That was it? No, “I’m going to kill him”? 

It may have been a nice change, a break from all of the anger and aggressiveness. But he missed the way Mingyu got angry and how he was ready to smash things and knock a guy’s lights out. But that had been all part of his delusional fantasy, hadn’t it?

“I’m fine, thanks. Where were you before? Did you see S.Coups in the nurse's office?”

He heard Vernon release a partially amused breath through the cracks in the stall. 

“No, uh- sorry about that. I thought I’d give you guys some space since everyone was going to crowd around you. Plus, S.Coups is fine. I mean, he can handle a couple of bruises. I was more worried about you actually. I don’t think a broken heart’s the same kind of thing if you know what I mean.” 

Wonwoo knew Vernon was smiling, causing him to smile too. He must have been crazy to think that he’d be sad and alone in his life when he had friends like Vernon and Jungkook. Plus the whole crew. Why the hell was he staying in the bathroom anyways when his friends had their arms all open?

That was it. 

He unlocked the door and stepped out, hiding his face from the blond boy as he headed towards the door. 

“Let’s get out of here. I’m done being pathetic.” he laughed, prompting Vernon to beam. But that wasn’t all, the latter wasn’t letting him go that easily.

“Wait. I want to see you.” Vernon said earnestly, stepping forward as he looked at him with determination. 

Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, turning around but keeping his head lowered. It was too embarrassing for his friend to see his eyes all red and wet. 

“Did you not see me just come out of the stall? I’m right here. Now c’mon-”

“No, I want to see your face so I can know if you’re really alright.” the blond boy pressed, causing Wonwoo to snort.

“Fine.”

Wonwoo raised his head, looking at him impatiently.

“Can we go now? Seungkwan’s probably wondering where you are. He’s all alo-”

“We aren’t together anymore.” 

“What?” Wonwoo snapped as his eyes went wide, not caring if he looked like a mess. There was too much going on that required his attention. 

“We’re not a thing.”

“Why.” he breathed out, scratching the side of his neck. Maybe that was why Seungkwan was on the verge of tears.

_Had Vernon dumped him? Or was there a simple dispute?_

“We couldn’t work something out. There were some issues and- you know what. It doesn’t matter right now. You need to go home and rest. You’ve been through a lot today.”

“But-”

“Please.”

“Alright. But I really don’t want you to think you have to drive me home. I can call-”

“I’m driving you home and that’s final. Now keep walking.”

“Alright Big Brother, I’m walking.”

XIII

“So are you going to tell me all the juicy details, not that I want to gossip about what happened.” Wonwoo chuckled faintly, following behind Vernon as he led him to his car. 

“You’re weird.”

“Why? Because I’m concerned for a friend?”

“No, that’s not it.” Vernon smiled, showing his teeth. “Just a second ago you looked like you were going to cry. But now you’re acting like nothing happened. What gives?”

“I’m very adaptable.”

“Is that another word for moody?”

“Maybe if you insult me.”

“I won’t.” 

He cracked a smile as he looked down at the car door handle, waiting for Vernon to unlock it. He still couldn’t believe he had friends who would drive him home like this, as if he wasn’t a burden. 

Vernon’s car smelled fresh and minty, with the scent of peach lingering where he sat. He knew he wasn’t smelling himself. Maybe it was his clothes. 

“Seriously though, are you really okay?” Vernon asked, eyeing him before making his way out of the parking space. 

“Yeah.”

“But what happened that made you run into the bathroom? I mean, was there something else besides what happened in the forest?”

He wasn’t going to lie. Even if he didn’t want Vernon to worry, it was his job to worry. The boy was his friend. It didn’t mean he was going to make him though.

“There was, but I can handle it. I just have to come to terms with some things. Even if I have to force myself to. It’s better to pull the bandaid off straight away I suppose.” 

“I guess.” Vernon shrugged. “But I don’t want it to hurt for you either way. Maybe if you could find some way to forget about what happened, then maybe things will be alright.”

_He didn’t want to forget._

How could he forget Kim Mingyu? Was he just supposed to throw away all of their happy memories? As if it were all a mistake that had to be wiped clean? Those moments- they still existed. They still lived on in his head and maybe, in another reality.

Who was he kidding? 

He was really out of it.

“Thanks.” he laughed, “I’ll try that. But I’m not going to forget about _you._ Seungkwan and you splitting up is a bigger bombshell than Mingyu getting angry at me. At least I could see that coming. I thought you and Seungkwan were meant for each other.”

“I thought so too but it turns out he’s not so sure about me.”

“What does that mean?” he narrowed his eyes.

Vernon titled his head as he shrugged, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

“He’s not ready for a committed relationship.”

“Really? He arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to expect me to believe that? Seungkwan seemed like he was.”

“Yeah but something happened and he changed his mind. Guess it wasn’t true love if he changed that fast.”

“Or it just means he values his own happiness and he puts a lot of care into relationships and deciding who should be close to him. I don’t think it's a matter of who he’ll be saying ‘I love you’ to so much as it's about who he’ll open up to and be vulnerable to. It sounds like a big deal to him. And it would be for me. Maybe if you show that you understand and respect his decision making process, he’ll come around. It’s just a thought. Not trying to force you into anything. But you can’t just give up. I learned that from Jungkook. First time he ever looked serious when he told me that.” 

“Great, thanks for making my advice look like a quote from instagram while yours is like a quote from the Bible.”

“It’s mostly all rambling. I like to inflate what I say so it looks sophisticated.” he giggled.

“Yeah but I’m grateful for it anyways. I don’t know how Mingyu could hate you. He’s an idiot.”

_Don’t remind me._

“I’m just glad that you didn’t say yes to him. You deserve better and someone more worthy deserves you. Think about it. If you said yes, I probably would have lost you as a friend. Everything would have changed from then on. You would be sitting with his buddies all the time and going out to parties. We’d never get to see the smart Wonwoo anymore, just the Wonwoo that Mingyu thought was hot. And even if you are that’s not everything.”

“I don’t think I would have been totally lost.” he smiled.

“Alright, I’ll give you that. But I would have missed you if you did say yes. I admit, you’re a little quiet but whenever you talk I never want to fall asleep.” Vernon chuckled. “Yeah, I know, shocker huh?”

“Yes.” Wonwoo nodded, covering his mouth to muffle his laughter.

“Really though, you should have Jungkook sit with us. We can all be together. Plus we should hang out more, strengthen our friendship bonds, you know, have a normal college life.”

“Right, like I always wanted my life to be normal.” he said with playful sarcasm.

Vernon grinned.

“Well, what would you want? You want to suffer or do you want to be happy and normal?”

_Was Vernon really asking that question? Did he really want to know?_

Wonwoo internally laughed.

“What’s happiness without suffering anyways? If being happy means I have to suffer and get through the struggle first, then I’ll gladly take the challenge. There’s nothing that I hate more than the unearned as much as I hate unnecessary suffering. But pain is a part of life that you can’t separate from it. If you try to do so, you risk destroying your own self-esteem. Yeah I get it, no one wants to suffer, but at what price? Your own soul? Perhaps the hardest and toughest things in life are the most noblest things we can pursue. It’s easy to be angry and sad, and it’s easy to take the low road, but I think it’s harder to be happy; to pursue what you want, what you really want.”

Wonwoo inhaled a deep breath.

“I should stop talking now. One, you’re going to hate me if I do and two, I don’t want to make you fall asleep and crash.” 

Vernon went to open his mouth but he could only gape. He recovered himself after a few seconds but still tripped over his words.

“No! I mean- you said a lot of things that made me question what I believe in now. If I even knew what I believed in. But I think you’re onto something. Wait, scratch that. I think you have it all figured out.” Vernon said, scratching the back of his neck. “Must be cool to be confident and sure of yourself. Could you give some of that confidence to me?” 

He beamed.

“Me? Sure of myself? I thought that was what every kid my age felt like?”

“Maybe, I guess. But you have something to stand your ground on. And that’s rare in my opinion. It makes me kind of jealous though.” the blond eyed him playfully. “Maybe Mingyu just doesn’t like people who are that way. It’s probably why he always gets into it with weak girls with a false sense of self-esteem. He gets off on it probably.”

“Probably.” Wonwoo humphed, letting his shoulders relax as he laid back in the passengers seat.

All he could picture now was Mingyu looking up at him from where Chaeyeon had hid her face under his chin. Something he had always dreamed of doing with Mingyu, almost as if the football player could protect him from the world. 

It was wrong to think, but he couldn’t stop it from coming to him. If Mingyu hadn’t seen what Vernon claimed to see in him, then maybe he wasn’t that ‘rare’ after all. Perhaps it was a mere difference in tastes. What were values and principles anyways when it came to dating? It was all out-dated right?

To think Mingyu actually had seen something in him that wasn’t his looks. Not that he had any or was aware of having, All he ever cared about was whether the man could fit in his vision of what men _ought_ to be. And Mingyu seemed like he could live up to his standards. With that charm, determination, and outgoing personality of his, Mingyu seemed to fit the bill perfectly. But personality - although superior to someone's looks - was still something superficial in comparison to what really mattered, and that was someones virtues. He didn’t love someone because they were kind and funny. Anyone man could be those things. 

He loved a man because he was heroic. Or at least, fit the image; like a sculpture that embodied heroism. Yet perhaps humanity had not progressed far enough and that the only heroic figures were just statues. 

However, as he glanced at Vernon, he knew he was wrong. Though it wasn’t as if he was attracted to him. It was just that he had respect and admiration for the blond boy. Seungkwan should be grateful if anything to have found someone like Vernon. But he wasn’t going to pass judgment that fast. Seungkwan was a friend as well. Even if he wasn’t, he still believed Vernon should have been with him now instead of giving up so easily. Then again, he didn’t know all the details.

He wished he could have stayed awake to ask more questions, but he couldn’t stop himself from drifting off to the sound of the car engine. It was the only consistent thing in his life and the hum would not stop because he wanted to sleep. As always, the world kept spinning.

XIV

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes, blocking out the sound of obnoxious giggling behind him. Wonho and Changkyun were probably laughing at some meme they saw or something. Nothing worth his attention. Not when Wonwoo was walking past his truck with that blond boy from the bowling alley. He remembered Vernon was on his team when they hung out that time. He was Wonwoo’s friend as well.

But now, with the way they were walking side by side it was almost as if they could hold hands and get away with it. As if they were a normal couple. 

He obviously didn’t like it but there was nothing he could do. Wonwoo could try on every shoe, he didn’t care. He knew he was the only shoe that best fit. And the black-haired boy would come crawling back to him once he figured it out. Wonwoo was smart.

It was not out of brute arrogance that he thought that way, but from simple experience. No man was perfect. 

It may have been unfortunate for Wonwoo’s sake, but he was glad that Mingyu messed up again. Yet how many times would his rival need to mess up in order for Wonwoo to get it? If only Wonwoo could just give up, surrender to him, anything… it would save him a lot of pain in the long run. 

At least that was his own motto. 

_Do because it feels good, not because it is good._

But that stuff didn’t matter now. He still pulled the strings. Mr. Jeon was still on his side. Surprisingly, Wonwoo never told him what had transpired in his apartment weeks ago. Maybe Wonwoo truly forgave him, or something else. 

Eitherway, he could still make Wonwoo obey him. Yet he was still going to try and use persuasion rather than coercion. There was still a chance that he could appeal to Wonwoo without getting Mr. Jeon involved. And now that Mingyu had royally screwed up, he was the next best option, even if admitting that wounded him. He’d rather lose his pride if only then Wonwoo could love him. He’d do anything. He’d sell his soul.

Yes. 

Looking at Wonwoo now, he would do anything for him. Wonwoo deserved the world, even if it meant sacrificing everything for him. After all, sacrifice was the hallmark of love. Because, when one loved someone, sacrifice was a must. Right?

It was all something Wonwoo should be thinking about not him. Right now there was a bigger problem on his hands and that was Vernon. 

How could Wonwoo be friends with someone so _moderate?_ It was like the blond was a mixture between charm and modesty, a compromise between aggression and cowardice, a blend of sweet and bitter. Vernon hadn’t been the one to punch Mingyu in the face, nor had he dared to step in today. How could Wonwoo respect someone so dull and unheroic? Vernon had no pride, no sense of self, no personality. He was just a sweet boy who wouldn’t lift a finger even when the one he loved was insulted.

Yes, that’s right. Vernon loved Wonwoo. Unless he was too afraid to admit it. Why else would the blond be walking the black-haired boy to his car? Added on to that, it was the perfect time to steal Wonwoo right out from under their noses. It made perfect sense. 

Perhaps Wonwoo had found a nice change of pace with Vernon. Although the black-haired boy didn’t seem like the type to suddenly abandon his good taste in men for a ‘break’ from all the chaos. He may not have known Wonwoo inside and out, but Jaehyun knew the younger was not one to choose peace over war. Wonwoo would rather have spice in his life; the chaos of love rather than the boring ‘I think you're really nice, let’s go out’ kind of relationship. 

Or maybe that was just him. 

Whatever. 

He thought he could have made progress today but he wasn’t so sure of how far the tables had turned. Wonwoo had burned the bridge with him and Mingyu had ruined his own chances. 

Jaehyun smirked to himself, watching as Wonwoo’s hands moved around in the air as he spoke. Wonwoo was always so expressive when he was with people he was comfortable with. It was a bad sign, but not a fatal omen. 

So long as there was disarray and uncertainty; with Wonwoo’s concrete foundation cracked and taken out from under him, Jaehyun would always have a chance. 

After all, Wonwoo had left the door open for him. 

XV

He wasn’t frightened when he woke up this time. It may have been because he realized he was in his own room, but the fact that Vernon was standing off to the side of his bed made him feel less... disheveled. He had a face to wake up to and grasp rather than the cold gray walls of his bedroom, or the dull white light that came in through the shades. Even if he was feeling like he could listen to depressing music, he still hated it.

“Vernon.” he said weakly, slowly reached up with an arm to point at the window. “Can you open the blinds please. I hate the dark.” 

The blond boy broke into a smile, taking his hands out from his pockets as he reached for the wand. He kept his eyes on it as he twisted the blinds open and then turned to look at Wonwoo with affirmation. 

The black-haired boy’s mouth formed a soft ‘O’ as he tried to string all of the events of the day together. It was like he was struggling to speak both having too much to say but not knowing what he should say.

Wonwoo looked broken, as if he only had woken up to take his medication. His stygian black hair was still kept together due to its shortness, but it spiked upwards in the front and frayed on the sides, making his countenance look more shadowy and mysterious, even with the light reflecting off the carpets and his white bed sheets. It was Snow White’s worst nightmare. After all, hd wanted to look good for when Mingyu came to kiss him. 

_Mingyu would rescue him wouldn’t he?_

“This is weird.” he said, grinning faintly and in a raspy voice. “I only remember being in your car.”

Vernon looked down at his feet.

“Yeah, you were out cold for a while. I brought you here.” he shrugged. “You’re pretty light, do you eat much?” 

Wonwoo sunk into his pillow, pulling the covers over himself slowly. It was more of a warning to get Vernon to back off about sensitive subjects, but the blond didn’t know after all.

“I do.” he breathed, nodding his head with as much strength as he could muster. He didn’t want to waste energy explaining to the other boy that he didn’t eat breakfast or lunch. He never was a breakfast person so that was normal. And lunch… well, he didn’t like eating in front of his friends so he ate pretty slow. And by the time he had to get to class he just didn’t eat the rest until he got home. It was tiring to even think about explaining why. 

“You want something to eat now? I think you’d feel better.” Vernon said, still standing there and looking at him as if he wasn’t just going to give up and leave.

“I’m fine, thanks. I- could you- could you give me that necklace-thing over on the other side of my night stand. I’m too comfy to get up. Sorry.” 

“Too comfy or too tired?” Vernon arched an eyebrow, walking over to get a string of white beads hanging off the corner of his nightstand anyways. It wasn’t as if there was any hint of annoyance in his tone, simply concern. 

“Is it a crime to be tired?” Wonwoo said, looking up through half-closed eyes towards the blond boy standing over the side of his bed. 

Vernon shook his head.

“No. But if you are, I want to make sure that it isn’t because you haven’t eaten or anything. I got you some water too. I put it right there if you want it.” he said, pointing next to him. 

The black-haired boy slowly turned to look at the water bottle beside him as his cheek touched the cool fabric of the pillow. The feeling made him want to go to sleep now but he still had so many questions.

“Oh, thank you.” he giggled, covering his mouth with the tips of his fingers. “I can’t believe you chose the Star Wars one. Embarrassing.”

“Couldn’t be worse than what Kim did today.” Vernon muttered, although he thought Wonwoo wouldn’t be able to understand or even hear it considering the state he was in. The blond internally slapped himself for not coming up with something more light-hearted. 

Wonwoo’s expression went lax as he let out a breath, his head rolling back on the pillow so that he was facing the ceiling. His eyes twitched and his body convulsed. He brought his hands up to hold his head but before they could grab his hair, he finally got the joke. 

His fists came down, thumping against the cotton sheets, causing Vernon to flinch.

And then Wonwoo broke into laughter.

_A little too late._

It was the emptiest thing Vernon had ever heard, as if Wonwoo was scoffing at the world. It was the darkest kind of humor, the most disturbing form of amusement. As if laughter was all that could save him now. 

“Vernon, please-”

“What? What’s wrong?” the blond replied frantically. Wonwoo looked as though he was reeling in pain but he shook his head, dismissing him.

“You need to become a comedian.” the black-haired boy giggled, gasping for breath. He rolled onto his stomach as he started to bang his knuckles against his pillow and his feet on the edge of the bed. 

“And you need to sleep. C’mon.” Vernon replied, not liking how things were going. He would have gawked at how Wonwoo was acting but it was like his instincts kicked in, telling him what to do. And they told him that he needed to protect Wonwoo from the very thing the black-haired boy was laughing at. His hands tried to fix the wrinkles in the sheets, pulling them over Wonwo’s legs but the latter was still fighting him. 

Having enough of the fun and games, Vernon’s hands went for Wonwoo’s waist as his eyes were still shut from the persistent laughter. But as his hands made contact with the hem of Wonwoo’s shirt, the black-haired boy jolted up as if he were waking from a nightmare.

“Get away from me!” Wonwoo screamed, eyes still shut like he was petrified. 

Vernon winced but didn’t stumble back. He wanted to get to the root of it. He needed to show that he was someone Wonwoo could trust. 

“Wonwoo.” he tried to whisper softly, grimacing at the deformed expression on Wonwoo’s face. It was a mixture of pain and anger, fighting for dominance.

“I said don’t touch me!” Wonwoo cried out, kicking his feet frantically as if his life depended on it.

_But he had never said it the first time._

“Wonwoo, it’s me. Vernon. Your-”

A pillow collided with his face, cutting his sentence short. 

Wonwoo got on his knees and crawled towards the headboard at the other end of the bed, feeling around for anything he could use as a weapon. 

Vernon knew Wonwoo was afraid but he wasn’t going to get killed for it. He got off the end of the bed and ran beside it, stopping the black-haired boy from grabbing onto the lamp and ripping it out of its socket. 

“Only M-Mingyu can touch me.” Wonwoo sobbed with tears running down his face while Vernon held his arm up as he stood. The blond boy went to grab Wonwoo’s other wrist before it collided with his face and for a second the latter’s body went limp as he groaned in defeat, falling forward due to the momentum. But as his head collided with Vernon’s chest, Wonwoo’s limbs came to life again, pushing off from Vernon all in a matter of seconds

“Mingyu! Please.” Wonwoo cried out, “Mingyu, please help me! He’s going to get me! He’s going to-”

“Wonwoo!” Vernon yelled, causing Wonwoo to squeeze his head between his hands as he stumbled back across the bed. “Who’s going to get you?” 

“The monster!”

“What are you talking about? There isn’t a monster!”

“Yes there is!” Wonwoo yelled, clenching his fists as he held his head. He was tired of having to give explanations, of defending himself, of not being understood. 

Of course Vernon wouldn’t understand, he had made it too difficult for anyone to. _He_ was too difficult.

“Where? Where’s the monster?”

“Under the rug! It’s going to get me!” the black-haired boy shrieked, hugging his knees. He struggled for air, only managing to get out muffled desperate cries. “God help me! Please God! Please. Please. Please.” he began to whisper frantically, playing with his shaking fingers. 

He looked up at the ceiling, letting his head fall back as if he were giving himself a break. But Vernon knew it was because there was no way out of the madness going on inside his head. It was like Wonwoo had given up, shivering as he waited for the cold to slowly kill him. 

“Why?” he asked with exhaustion, relaxing the area around his eyes as he let his eyelashes gracefully land on his cheeks.

Wonwoo let out a low whine, chuckling darkly through his crying. His voice was shaky from his own trembling. Vernon knew this is what he had been holding back.

The black-haired boy glared at the window, the light gleaming in his eyes. He had done it so many times that now he didn’t know where he was anymore. Not even the comfort of his own bedroom could make him feel secure. 

Finally, he was one with reality. He had fallen into the pit of meaninglessness. There was nothing to hold onto. No hope. No vision. No nothing. Just him and his own fantasy. The realization was too much.

“Gyu, don’t leave me.” Wonwoo shook his head, burying it between his knees as he curled up. 

“No.” he said gritting his teeth. “No. No. No. No!” he let out, yelling to the point that he wouldn’t be able to speak anymore if he kept it up. Luckily he didn’t, falling face first onto the bed, sobbing into his pillow. 

And then his crying grew louder until each choked breath he took sounded nasally like a truck horn on repeat. The noises he was making were inhuman, disturbing _noises_. There was no sense to them all. It was as if all the wandering thoughts in Wonwoo’s head were coming out, choking him in the process.

It may have been frightening but Vernon didn’t let it deter him, moving towards the convulsing body on the bed. It was like Wonwoo was waiting for the thing he was afraid of to get him. 

Wonwoo didn’t flinch when he put a hand on his shoulder, prompting the black-haired boy to slowly turn over, looking at him as if he were already dead. He was still breathing heavily and his eyes were sealed shut, but he let him hold his hand. 

“Mingyu, please.” he let out, eyes darting between his. It was the first time Vernon ever saw those eyes void of any certainty. 

“Wonwoo, it’s me. Vernon.”

The former shook his head, looking all over the place. 

“Vernon. I can’t see.” 

“It’s alright. I’m right here. I’ll call someone and we’ll get you checked out.” the blond nodded, caressing Wonwoo’s hands with his thumbs.

But before Wonwoo could let out the breath he had been holding, it hitched at the sound of footsteps banging on the floor above him, causing something within him to stir.

He flinched.

“He’s here.” Wonwoo whispered, narrowing his eyes as he touched his forehead. “He’s here to-”

“Shhhh.” Vernon stopped him, holding the sides of his head. But it only seemed to provoke Wonwoo more as his eyes went wide and he flailed to get away from those cold, veiny hands.

He screamed again if only it would make it stop. However, his screaming also made him remember, perpetuating the hallucination. 

“Please, don’t do this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” he whined like a child, banging his fist against the bed once again. He continued to whisper in panic, kicking his feet but there was nothing he could do except lay there.

“I won’t do it ever again. I love you. Please. I’ll do anything. I’ll be good, I promise. Just stop!” he wailed, turning his head and pressing it against the sheets. He still fought like an animal, trying to wrestle his hands away from Vernon to no avail. Not even the soothing rub of the blond boy’s fingers against his palms could do anything but scare Wonwoo more. It was as if Wonwoo had been prey that had been played with just like a mouse under a cat’s paw. 

“Mingyu! Don’t- Stop!” Wonwoo bawled. “He’s going to get me!”

Vernon was about to step away and let Wonwoo tire himself out when the latter took it as an opportunity to swing at him and push him away. Yet he had already backed up before Wonwoo’s hands could make contact with him. Wonwoo didn’t know where he was going and fell off the side of the bed. 

Instead of letting Wonwoo knock himself out, Vernon caught him in his arms, resting Wonwoo’s dark head of hair against his shoulder as he stood up to his full height. Wonwoo tried to punch his chest and collarbone but they were weak and feeble throws. The black-haired boy even tried banging his forehead against him but it was no use as he was too dizzy to coordinate himself. He still yelled out and kicked his feet, making it harder for him to be carried. Vernon didn’t want to drop him and risk hurting him more than he already was. And when he saw a fist being raised towards his face, he realized there was only one thing he could do. 

Wonwoo’s arm went limp at the warmth he suddenly was overcome with as Vernon’s lips met his. His eyes were wide with confusion but the wrinkles disappeared as he was no longer frightened. The hand that had been trying to push off from Vernon’s shoulder fell lax and joined his other one, swaying in the air as the other boy carried him to his bed. 

The next thing Wonwoo knew he was being set down gently on the comforter, staring up at Vernon with adoration. It was as if the symphony of sorrowful songs that had been playing in his head had changed to the sweet tune of slow carnival music. 

Finally his dream had come true.

“Mingyu. I love you.” Wonwoo said, mustering up the strength he had left to caress the blond boy’s cheek. “You know that, don’t you? You know I would never want to make you feel bad.”

“I do.”

“You’re the ideal man; my hero. You could never do anything wrong. I could never hate you- never.”

Vernon nodded. 

“I’m here Wonwoo, right here. Okay? I won’t ever leave you, I promise. I promise I’ll save you. I- I’ll be your hero. I’ll protect you. From the moment I saw you I’ve wanted to hold you in my arms. Just know that I love you.” 

Vernon’s words earned a satisfied smile from the boy humming to himself below him and he let out a breath.

Wonwoo could finally rest.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry that I keep prolonging Meanie’s suffering. I'm sorry : ( I have everything planned out so I can’t make any changes really or else the plot won’t make sense. But thank you for being patient. I plan to compact a lot into the next chapters. 
> 
> Chapter 45 is when Meanie comes together. I can’t wait to write the chapters for when Mingyu and Wonwoo get married and have kids EEEEEEE. Plus I plan to devote the last third of the fanfic to writing about Wonwoo and Mingyu’s careers, some petty marriage drama, things from Wonwoo’s past etc and their kids of course LOL.
> 
> So because I’m trying to shove everything into the chapters leading up to chapter 45, they will be longer than usual and so I will be updating about every 10 days. I really wanted to update twice a week but I’ve been missing out on other things and I think I better balance my time more and focus on reading and doing some other things. I love writing this fanfic and hopefully with the time I’m devoting to it I will make the next chapters better quality. 
> 
> Thank you again for your patience. Trust me, we're on Angst Mountain right now but soon we'll be at Fluff Valley. I swear on my life hehe.
> 
> OMG I FORGOT
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My twitter is @Wonwoonator1
> 
> i've been putting crappy advertisements on there sorry lmao


	37. Grenzsituationen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE WARNING: Soooo, as you guys know, I’m basically like a Puritan and couldn’t swear or read smut if my life depended on it. I legit am a delicate flower and I would faint like a Victorian virgin if I read anything hardcore. So let me put it out there that this contains VULGAR language and an EXPLICIT SCENE. If you are younger than 18 SKIP OVER SECTION XIII. Also some sections are filled with sexual references so I don’t want to corrupt you. I had to write smut for the plot : (. writing swear words was a milestone for me so please tell me I did alright lmao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want your stupid love on twitter!
> 
> @Wonwoonator!
> 
> Cause all I ever wanted was love  
> Hey-ya, hey-ya (ooh)

Vernon was sitting at Wonwoo’s kitchen table when he heard muffled crying. It must have been eleven o’clock at night but he didn’t bother to check the stove or microwave clock. He was bent on making sure Wonwoo was okay and would get enough sleep at least. But Vernon was someone who favored the short term first. He didn’t even have to think as he got up, he just had to ‘do’. 

As he came through the doorway his eyes immediately fell upon Wonwoo’s face, glowing golden in the light from outside the bedroom. He was simply lying there on the bed with the rest of his body covered by the thick comforter except for his arms. Those smooth frail arms lay on both sides of his form, making contact on top of where his midline would be. Clutched in his hands was the necklace, string of beads, or whatever he had given him which was being pressed between his fingers as he whispered to himself. Occasionally, he let out a sob, most likely because he couldn’t hold it in even if he tried, or because he was still out of it. Although he had never heard someone who wasn’t in the right mind have such a beautiful voice, even if Wonwoo was only whispering. It was the kind of voice that would hush crying children. Except now Wonwoo was attempting to put his own self back to sleep. However, as Vernon looked closer, he could see it was more than that. Wonwoo wasn’t simply looking for an escape, whether it be sleep or a shoulder to cry on, but a way that required his full attention and devotion; something that transcended the daily events. 

It wasn’t just the way that Wonwoo’s fingers took care of each bead, or how softly he spoke, but those eyes… those eyes that were either indifferent or full of wonder, were now engulfed with true exaltation that Wonwoo’s ‘ideal man’ couldn’t even garner. 

“Wonwoo? You okay?” he asked, leaning against the door. 

The other boy nodded slowly, not looking up from where he was transfixed by the beads in his hand. He let the necklace glide between his fingers, watching in awe as he counted each one. But then the movement of his fingers stopped and his mouth fell open in annoyance. 

Considering Wonwoo was barely awake and drifting back to sleep, Vernon thought it was a simple yawn but his hand grabbed onto the doorknob as Wonwoo closed his eyes and flailed an arm to the side as if reaching for his alarm clock.

“Someone turn off- turn off that music. I don’t-” he breathed out, too tired to finish the rest of his sentence as his head fell slack on his pillow.

“There isn’t any music.” Vernon said, grinning lightly as he walked over to where Wonwoo was slouched along his bedside.

“Wonu, you’re going to fall. Let me help you.” Vernon grunted, trying to move his friend away from the edge so he wouldn’t fall out of bed. Wonwoo simply swatted his hands away but gave in eventually, rolling on to his other side.

“Gyu.” He breathed out. “Hurry.” 

The black-haired boy’s chest fell as he exhaled, falling asleep with the beads dangling off his fingers. It gave Vernon hope that Wonwoo hadn’t lost it. Even if he wasn’t fully in touch with reality. 

The most important thing however was that Wonwoo was getting some sleep, even if that meant he’d be sitting at the table for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to fall asleep on the couch and not be there to help Wonwoo if he needed it, but it wasn’t like he could fall asleep anyways.

The blond walked slowly to the side of Wonwoo’s bed, admiring the helplessness of his sleeping form. It was something he wouldn’t dare do if Wonwoo was awake and he suddenly felt guilty for seeing the other boy so vulnerable. Vulnerability was something that only could be revealed to a special someone and that certainly wasn’t him. However, all that he was sure of- all that he would make sure of - was that Mingyu would never see Wonwoo more vulnerable than he had seen him that day.

He didn’t need to suppress his anger since only one look at Wonwoo’s face took it all away, filling the hot and stifling emptiness with awe. He smiled to himself, shrugging off his own stupidity and leaning down, kissing the side of Wonwoo’s head.

“I love you.” Vernon said as if it were a reminder. The only good reminder that Wonwoo had received that day. After all, it was the only spoken one. 

He noticed the beads in the other boy’s hands. It was more than a reminder but rather a fact that stayed true whether it was the beads rolling in his hands or the necklace hanging in front of his face. Wonwoo was truly safe and loved. At least, Vernon hoped that was the case. Perhaps Wonwoo just couldn’t feel it. 

Vernon didn’t want to let that thought get to him but it was too obvious to ignore. Stepping back, he took one last glance at the other boy before leaving the room, going back to sit at the kitchen table.

He supposed that while he sat there, that if there was anything he could be thinking of it was how much he hated Mingyu. But even then, his mind wandered back to Wonwoo’s sleeping form and how beautiful he looked. The question of how someone so calm and reserved like Wonwoo could become like  _ that _ just a few hours ago begged to be asked. Yet he couldn’t entertain it. It was something he would ask in the morning when Jungkook came. 

A half an hour passed and just as he felt his eyelids become heavier he saw a dark reflection on the dark panoramic windows. It moved across the glass and in his direction. Then, Wonwoo’s figure emerged from his bedroom, rushing across the room towards his library. 

They both made eye contact but as he tried to give Wonwoo a polite smile the black-haired boy jumped up, frightened. 

“Vernon? What are you doing here?” 

He wanted to groan but he couldn’t be angry at that face.

“Uh-“ 

“Let me guess. Did your mother kick you out?” 

“No. I was just making sure you got home okay and I was- I was too lazy to drive. Uh, yeah.” 

“Oh.” Wonwoo nodded, clasping his hands behind his back as he twisted himself on the balls of his feet. “Why are you still up though? The couch is right there.” 

“Right. I was just trying to make myself tired so I can fall asleep more easily.” 

“Okay, I’ll just pretend that I don’t take a class in logic.” Wonwoo snorted, continuing his trek. 

At least he had his sense of humor back. He wondered if Wonwoo remembered anything. Not just the kiss, but what happened with Mingyu. He didn’t have time to ask if Wonwoo was okay as the black-haired boy reached the doorway of his library and was making him weak with that smile of his. 

_ Pretty. _

“Feel free to crash on the couch, just don’t drool on it.” 

“Alright, thanks.” Vernon chuckled.

They waved to each other before Wonwoo disappeared through the doorway. Of course the sadness still lingered. Even if Wonwoo was smiling, the fact was that he was still heartbroken. He had to be. 

Yet the clicking sound coming from Wonwoo’s study suggested otherwise. 

II

Mingyu woke up for the third time that night, leaning forward to hold his head. He tried to get rid of the thoughts of what Wonwoo was doing now and if he was alright. But he didn’t deserve to know. He didn’t deserve to sleep or feel relieved. The way Wonwoo looked at him as he lay on the ground, head against the chest of another man-

No. He wasn’t going to even think about whether another man touched what was his. He should feel all of the worst feelings in the world, even if jealousy was one of them. He should have bothered himself more by being jealous, but all he could feel was anguish. Rejection didn’t bother him as much as the face Wonwoo wore when his heart was broken. As if suddenly, the boy who spoke about fixing him was broken himself. 

He slammed his head back on his pillow, causing the bed to shake. He wished his pillow could have been a cinder block but he didn’t have the guts to end his life. Nor did he want to. Whatever Wonwoo was going through was probably one-hundred times worse than what he felt. He just wanted to take Wonwoo’s pain. Maybe there was still a chance but then again, Wonwoo probably hated him now. 

He could have been making too many assumptions but he didn’t have the guts to ask any questions. It made him laugh at himself because he had the guts to say all those things to Wonwoo’s face in front of all those people but he couldn’t dare have a discussion with him. 

_ A discussion. _

He felt like spitting the word out.

No amount of talking could ever fix him. No amount of talking could make up for what he’d done or make him into the person Wonwoo thought he was. 

If he felt like a low life, he might as well act like one. 

III

______________

Destiny Waltz

And the Band Played On

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwFNdxThemc ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwFNdxThemc)

_______________

  
  


Vernon woke up from the sound of knocking on the door, wondering if it was the police filing him a noise complaint. But of course as he got up and opened it, Jungkook appeared. The other boy didn’t bother asking for permission to enter and simply strode past him, holding his hands together as he counted his steps. 

He seemed to have noticed something odd and spun around to confront him, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Where’d you hit the hay?” Jungkook asked, crossing his arms.

The blond gulped.

“Huh?”

“Where’d you sleep?”

_ Oh. It was that kind of question. _

“On the couch, why?” 

“It’s just too clean for a boy to have slept there all night. No cheese puff stains or soda cans. Impeccable.” Jungkook laughed. “For a minute I thought-”

“I barely slept.”

Jungkook tilted his head.

“Why? Did Wonwoo keep waking you or something?” 

He let out a breath.

“A couple of times. But that wasn’t everything. I was kind of worried for him. Kept me up all night thinking.”

With how Jungkook’s face contorted into a confused expression, he could have guessed that the other boy wanted to ask what he was thinking about. Yet it didn’t seem to be what bothered Jungkook most as he opted not to question Vernon any further. The brown-haired boy’s shoulders fell and he let out a sigh, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Is he still sleeping?” 

Vernon grinned.

“No. He’s in his library typing-”

“Ugh! Why didn’t you tell me?” Jungkook scoffed, swatting him playfully. The chair squeaked as he got up, rushing through the doorway to his best friend’s study. 

“Wonwoo! I-” Jungkook shouted but he stopped as he caught sight of the black-haired boy hunched over his desk typing on his typewriter like Mozart playing the piano. He had always thought people who played the piano were snobs with the way they made faces and moved their bodies. Yet the sight of Wonwoo typing away made his best friend look untouchable. Not even true love’s kiss could disrupt the sophisticated intricateness and complexity of that beautiful mind. 

_ He was in the zone. _

“I mean- good morning.” Jungkook giggled, hiding behind the door frame. 

Wonwoo hadn’t even flinched, being too busy with getting his thoughts onto paper. 

“Hi.” the black-haired boy smiled, although the greeting was muffled by a mixture between a hum and a chuckle. Wonwoo said it just as he finished typing the last sentence. His hands left the keys as if they had been shocked by a bolt of electricity and then grabbed a pen and piece of paper, jotting down a few notes for what he planned to write next. 

“You okay?” Jungkook asked, making himself small with the softness of his voice. They were the two most insignificant words ever spoken to him and in the most insignificant tone. But Wonwoo froze in his seat, staring ahead at the wall in front of him. He wasn’t asking himself if he was ‘okay’ nor was he going to sit there and cry like a baby. Those things may have been beneath him but Jungkook wasn’t. 

Wonwoo turned to look at his best friend peering through the doorway, swiveling in his chair and getting up with open arms. The muscles in his throat were working as his brows furrowed in confusion. He didn’t know what had happened. He was like a child reaching out to his mother, confused as to why there had to be pain in the world. 

Why would anyone make sad music anyways? 

Pain was unnecessary. It was senseless. Wonwoo couldn’t understand it. And because he was still a child who didn’t understand, he went running into the arms of Jungkook in the hopes that his best friend could make it all go away. When he hugged Jungkook, the sporadic clicking of his typewriter stopped in his head. The consistent hum of Vernon’s car engine stopped as well. It was as if all of the mundane minutiae of reality, both chaos and order, fell away leaving nothing but… fantasy. 

And then he could hear it, the low but powerful sound of an orchestra thrumming in his mind’s ears.  _ Destiny Waltz _ it was called, a song he had heard on the record player in his grandfather’s house when he was young. He fell so in love with it that he just had to have his music box play it. It was one of the many songs that belonged to what he called his Tiddlywink music that he listened to when he felt defeated. Although the tiny little thing couldn’t simulate or match the strength of all the instruments of an orchestra, it made him just as emotional whenever he heard it. The song itself was an ode to joy; a celebration of life. Even if his boat was sinking, the band would still play on. And he would still dance. 

It matched his sense of life and it kept him from wallowing in his sorrow. The only reason he’d ever shed tears would be when something overwhelmed him such as the complexity of life. After all, there was beauty in complexity, perhaps that was why he couldn’t handle it and would break down every time he heard the music . It reflected every emotion he had ever felt towards being alive. 

At least, towards what he thought life really was. 

Perhaps the happy and exalting music he listened to was only a reflection of his fantasy. Even if that was so, he wouldn’t let doubt stop him, not when happiness couldn’t feel any more real in Jungkook’s arms. 

The black-haired boy laughed through his sobs, covering his face once he backed away. 

“I need to wash my face now. Vernon’s out there.” he chuckled, looking at a small mirror hanging over his desk.

“He doesn’t care about that Wonu.” Jungkook scoffed. “He’s been worried about you.”

“Well, if he cares about what I think he’ll let me shower.” 

“You look fine.” Vernon shrugged, appearing behind Jungkook.

Wonwoo jumped, giving the blond a glare but realized he hadn’t been the one who brought him home and looked after him for the whole night. The tension fell from his face and he smiled shyly.

“Thanks but I-”

“You’re not doing anything else but going back to sleep. Vernon needs some sleep by the looks of it too.” Jungkook interjected, eyeing how lax Vernon’s face was. It was as if he could fall asleep any minute. But then again, Vernon always kept a calm and cool face.

“Right. Sorry about keeping you up all night. I guess I just had a nightmare and thought I was back home.” Wonwoo chuckled.

“Home? Isn’t this your home?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow playfully.

Wonwoo didn’t take lightly to the question however, stumbling over himself as he tried to respond. He gave up and decided to laugh it off, prompting both his friends to watch him with concern.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m still getting used to living by myself.” 

“Makes sense.” Jungkook said, hiding his suspicion behind a smile. 

Wonwoo pursed his lips, turning his head towards one of his book shelves, anything that would get Vernon to stop staring at him like he was out of his mind. 

It was clear that the blond was wondering whether he should bring up the fact that Wonwoo had experienced hallucinations and almost took him out with a lamp. The rational side of him would have grabbed Wonwoo by the arm or picked him up if he had to and bring him to a psychologist. What happened needed to be explained, not to calm his racing mind but to help Wonwoo’s. Yet he seemed fine now. Even with bed head, there was something about the black-haired boy’s demeanor that remained composed. It convinced him that what happened the night before was only an outlier or once-in-a-life-time sort of thing. Like a red moon. Of course Wonwoo was sane. It was just that everything had been coming at him all at once and all at the same time that he exploded. Now it was out of Wonwoo’s system. Hopefully.

Vernon’s thoughts were cut short by Wonwoo gasping.

“What time is it? I have to get to class!” 

“Oh no you don’t” Jungkook stopped him, holding a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “You aren’t going anywhere. You’re going to sleep in for today.”

“But-”

“I’ll stay with you, don’t worry.”

“You’re only making me feel more guilty. I can’t- I can’t just waste a whole day sleeping. And you can’t sacrifice your time for me. It’s valuable. You have a right to your own education. It’s-” 

“Wonwoo. I’m doing this for you. Plus if it makes you feel better I need a break from school. So please don’t feel bad. You should be tired of feeling bad. You need to rest. Tonight’s the big night.” he grinned.

“Wha-” Wonwoo breathed before he stopped himself short. “Oh. That. I doubt it’s even going to be a dance. Dances are too sophisticated these days, even for the elites. You can go without me. I don’t need to fill myself with liquor or inhale a bunch of smoke to get over Kim Mingyu. Just don’t do anything stupid and don’t damage your lungs-”

“Wonwoo, you’re crazy.” Jungkook laughed. “It’s literally nothing else but a dance. Okay sure, some punks might bring weed brownies or shot bottles but they do all that stuff in the forest. It’s not like someone’s going to put vodka in your punch.” 

“Well- the DJ will probably suck, and you know how much I hate the music that’s coming out. Have you seen the charts? We need Britney to come back and teach these amateurs what real dance music is.”

Jungkook sighed.

“C’mon Wonu. We’ll tell the DJ to play her then. Don’t stay back here.” he whined. “You won’t have anything but your thoughts to bother you. It’s like being in solitary.”

The black-haired boy let out a humph.

“You should be a lawyer or something. Never had someone change my mind that fast.” 

His best friend smiled.

“Keep up those compliments Wonu and you’ll have a friend for life.” 

_ A friend for life. _

_ A friend for life. _

_ A friend for life. _

“A friend-” Wonwoo breathed, suddenly falling out of it again. Jungkook’s words kept ringing in his ears. It was as if he couldn’t believe it. Wonwoo’s tone sounded excited, but the way his eyes narrowed made him look angry. Those were the exact same words Mingyu had said to him on their first day of class together.

“Nah, I’m just kidding.” his best friend chuckled, pulling him in for another hug. “We’re already best friends forever. Got it?” 

Wonwoo swallowed, nodding his chin above the other boy’s shoulder. He had to hold it in.

“Hmm.” 

IV

Jungkook appointed himself as the person in charge of Wonwoo’s wardrobe much to the latter’s dismay. Hence why he was in Jungkook’s apartment with a pile of clothes draped over his harm while his other hand was full of jewelry. Vernon went home to get ready for the dance, deciding that he was going alone but still proud. Meanwhile, Wonwoo went to Jungkook’s apartment to put on the clothes he brought. Although Jungkook wasn’t well-receptive of them, letting Wonwoo borrow his own. ‘Borrow’ was putting it nicely. 

Being against vanity like the puritan he was, the crop top and belly chain that Jungkook shoved in his face came as an utter shock to him. He had never worn such a thing in his life nevermind a belly chain. At least he did have some negotiating power and refused the choker saying the only thing he would ever wear around his neck were a shock collar and his cross necklace. 

But he still had his reservations about the crop top and belly chain. He didn’t want to become too obsessed with how good his abdomen looked, even if he had been doing crunches every day. Yes he cared about his image but not for the sake of promoting himself but defending himself from the scrutiny of others; something that always made him anxious. 

“You really think I’ll look good in this? I mean- not look ugly. I think I should wait until the Spring Dance because then I would be more toned and-”

“Okay okay, because I’m your best friend let me take a look.” Jungkook pursed his lips, gesturing for Wonwoo to lift up his shirt.

“You know what I’ll try it on and see how it looks then.” Wonwoo scoffed. 

“I can’t believe you don’t respect my opinion.” 

Wonwoo giggled.

“Alright, what if I told you that you’re going to wear a turtleneck, a beanie, and-”

“I get it.” his best friend groaned. “I’m just saying. Do you want to look like a baddie or a nerd? I’ll tell you, no guy I’ve ever known has put his hand in my ass pocket looking for a library card.”

“Well maybe you haven’t dated the right guy.” 

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Nice comeback.”

“I know.” Wonwoo chuckled. “This is the perfect time to play Doo Wop (That Thing).”

His best friend gasped.

“You listen to Ms. Lauryn Hill?”

“Only the best.”

They both laughed.

“Let’s just hope we don’t have to play that song after tonight. If Jimin turns out to be one of those guys then I don’t know what I’m going to do. But hey, on the bright side, at least we could both be single together!” 

He hummed in agreement.

“You know what they say. Misery likes company.” 

Jungkook could only pout.

“You’re going to make me cry. That’s why you need to go to the dance. It’ll cheer you up. We’ll just make sure Mingyu stays far away from you- wait. Do you really want to go? I know you agreed to but I feel like I’m forcing you to. I don’t want to pressure you or anything.”

“I’m going.” Wonwoo nodded firmly. 

“Alright… but I could always stay back with you. Jimin isn’t important right now. We could-” 

“Kookie, I got this.” the black-haired boy stopped him, patting him on the shoulder. “Seeing Mingyu isn’t going to trigger me or anything.” 

“You sure you’re not going to feel like knocking his block off?”

“Will I feel like it? Yes. But I have self-control.” 

Jungkook clenched his teeth at the thought of Mingyu showing his face. 

“And that’s what differentiates you from all of us.” 

V

The way Vernon’s mouth fell open when Wonwoo came out of his apartment’s lobby suggested to him that all the trouble he went through putting the belly chain on was worth it. Well, it gave the belly chain its due, but not his. He wasn’t fond of the accessory or how it attracted the eyes of someone as innocent as Vernon to stare at his navel. Nor did he welcome the ego boost it gave him. It was like he was being admired for the wrong reasons and he despised it.

Luckily, Jimin being the faithful gentleman he was, refrained from checking Wonwoo out and instantly went to give Jungkook a hug. The two boys agreed that they’d just be going as friends so as to not make Wonwwo feel even more sad than he already was, or at least more awkward. Still... with how Jimin and Vernon were standing outside waiting for the two of them to come out made it seem like they were going on a double date.

It was already a bad idea and it just had to get worse.

He had told Jungkook that Vernon and Seungkwan weren’t a thing anymore, much to his best friend’s disappointment. But it was shallow at best due to the fact that he didn’t really know them. Of course Jungkook looked down when he told him as a show of sympathy and respect but that all went away when his best friend told him that if he was going to date anyone it should be Vernon. 

Any bashful person would have clasped their arms around their back out of anxiousness but from the way Vernon’s tongue appeared over his bottom lip as his jaw went slack made Wonwoo bring his arms in front of him to cover his exposed stomach. The blond boy seemed to have understood the motive behind his action and instantly blushed. As much as Wonwoo tried to be modest, his slender arms couldn’t hide the heart-shaped medallion over his belly button. Vernon looked like he was going to explode when he saw it peeking through.

Wonwoo internally groaned.

_Why couldn’t Jungkook have given him the symbol of philosophy rather than a heart?_ _A heart? Was he insane?_

Apparently Vernon appreciated Jungkook’s sense of style. 

“Uhm. What should I say first?” Vernon smiled, scratching the back of his neck as he closed his eyes to think. 

“Hello would be fine.” 

“Right. I was going to say that but then I was thinking… aren’t you cold?” 

He shook his head. 

“Hm hm. Being anxious warms me up.” 

Vernon raised an eyebrow.

“Why would you be anxious? You’re beautiful. I mean- you look good to me.” he said, holding the back of his neck.

“Thanks.” Wonwoo breathed, wanting for all of them to just get in the car already so he didn’t have to make eye contact with him anymore. It was wrong to be  _ entertaining _ Vernon like this. Did the bond he had with Seungkwan mean nothing? Was it so superficial and meaningless that Vernon was still intact psychologically? Or was Vernon simply trying to find a way out of the heartbreak that he would do  _ anything? _

He had read a book about human being’s response to suffering. Man could either become apathetic towards pain and unbothered by it, or attempt to relieve himself through chasing meaningless pleasures with no long-term goal or purpose. He remembered Vernon acting indifferent towards the tragedy. But now he seemed more ready than ever to forget and have fun. At least that was what the smile on his face told him. Perhaps he was just one of those meaningless pleasures that Vernon decided he’d chase. Even if it wounded him, the fact that Vernon was betraying Seungkwan so early in the game was a much larger issue. 

“Hey you kids, enough standing around.” Jungkook clapped his hands to get their attention. “Vernon did I just hear you call shotgun?” he asked, raising a brow.

The blond looked dumbfounded.

“Uh… no.”

“Well I’m pretty sure you did.” Jungkook scoffed. “I’ll sit in the back with Wonu. Jimin’s driving!” 

“Alright.” Vernon shrugged, giving Wonwoo a pout. 

In turn, Wonwoo looked down, smiling at his feet as he opened the back seat door. Jungkook went around to the other side while Vernon went to the passenger seat. His best friend giggled, covering his mouth as he gave him a cheeky grin. Wonwoo rolled his eyes and slapped the other boy’s shoulder as they got their seatbelts on. 

“Stop it.” he mouthed, making sure Vernon couldn’t hear them. 

Jungkook hunched over in his seat, trying not to die.

“What’s going on back there?” Jimin asked from the driver’s seat, looking through the rearview mirror at them. His face was full of confusion.

“Nothing.” Wonwoo sighed. “You might want to split from our group though Jimin. I don’t think you want to be seen with this fool.” 

Jimin snorted.

“If anything people will sympathize with me.”

“True.” Wonwoo chuckled, earning a smile from the blond boy sitting in front of him. 

“Damn, why did you have to do Jungkook like that?” Vernon asked.

“It’s what he signed up for.” he shrugged,

Jungkook was finally able to control himself.

“Wonwoo calls it-” he began, still out of breath. “A special privilege.” 

And then, all of a sudden, he noticed a mischievous glint flash across Vernon’s eyes.

“Oh really? Hate to see what a special privilege is like for your boyfriend?” the other boy said, craning his neck behind his seat to look straight at him.

Wonwoo instantly blushed but only because of the subject of dating someone was foreign to him, not because Vernon was smirking at him. He felt small all of a sudden as he pressed his back against his seat, crossing his legs to guard himself. 

Jimin took the weight off his shoulders by turning up the radio which was currently playing songs from the Billboard Crap 100. It was what he began to call it when Nicki Minaj’s Trollz flopped. 

Jungkook took it as an opportunity to talk to him with the most amount of privacy they could get. Wonwoo turned his head to the side to face Jungkook as he waved at him. The latter gestured towards Vernon with his eyes and then began to mouth more words that Wonwoo had to decipher. Added on to that, the lightbulb above his best friend’s head had been totally obvious.

“He was staring at you.” Jungkook mouthed, his lips forming each word carefully and precisely without a sound.

Wonwoo’s eyes crinkled with suspicion and he slapped Jungkook’s shoulder, causing both Jimin and Vernon to eye them in the rear-view mirror. 

Wonwoo smiled and waved at them hoping to bore them into looking away at something else. Jimin shrugged it off, going back to paying attention at the road, but Vernon of course just had to give him the widest grin as if he had just told the funniest joke on earth. 

_ Oh no. _

Once Vernon turned his attention back to the song playing on the radio, Wonwoo whipped his head towards Jungkook.

“Stop, he’s not over his relationship that easily.”

His best friend’s mouth fell open.

“They broke up?” 

Wonwoo’s eyes went wide, realizing he shouldn’t have said anything. His lips sealed shut and he tried to look away in order to come up with a response but all he could do was nod. 

Jungkook took it as a cue to drop the conversation and gave Wonwoo a sympathetic grimace, understanding his mistake. They sat back up in their seats and looked out the window, watching the buildings of the city pass by on both sides. It was weird to think that there were millions of other people living their own lives. Before Wonwoo could get sad, he instantly jerked up when one of his favorite songs came on the radio. They all seemed to notice the sudden spike of energy but before they could ask any questions, he was already gasping. 

“Jimin, could you turn it up please.” Wonwoo asked, grabbing Jungkook’s arm so they could sway to the music. 

“I feel like I’ve heard this before.” Vernon arched a brow, touching his chin as he looked up into his memory.

Wonwoo gaped.

“I can’t believe you’re even saying that. We can’t be friends. Sorry.” 

Vernon gave him something between a dirty look and a smile. As if he were in mock disbelief. 

“Must be a pretty amazing song if-”

“Shhh. This is my part!” 

He and Jungkook giggled together as if they were hysterical and began to push their shoulders together. 

_ “Let's go to the beach, each _

_ Let's go get away _

_ They say, what they gonna say? _

_ Have a drink, clink, found the bud light _

_ Bad chicks like me is hard to come by _

_ The patron own, let's go get it on _

_ The zone own, yes I'm in the zone _

_ Is it two, three? Leave a good tip _

_ I'mma blow off my money and don't give two shits” _

Vernon began clapping prompting Wonwoo to shoot him a glare.   
  


“I don’t drink by the way, okay? There will be no alcohol tonight or else I’m calling my limo.”

“Isn’t there alcohol in limos?” Jungkook asked.

“No, if you want to ride in it you’re going to have to deal with drinking sparkling apple cider.” 

Vernon playfully shook his head at their conversation, looking blissfully out through the windshield. 

_ Anything to be with you. _

V

The first thing Wonwoo did when they pulled up in front of the dance hall was scowl. 

“Oh great, we’re paying twenty bucks for this thing and they won’t even roll out a red carpet? I've seen premiers for indie films look better than this.”

“Must be nice being cultured” Jungkook huffed. 

Wonwoo looked at him. 

“Yeah, you would know.”

Jungkook was about to stick his tongue out when Jimin clapped his hands to get their attention.

“Alright ladies…” 

They both whipped their heads at him.

“Shut up.” 

Jimin’s sheepish smile transformed into a blank expression. Giving up, he turned towards his door and unlocked the rest, getting out to pull open Jungkook’s. 

“Oh and thank you for driving us.” Wonwoo sang, not wanting to be rude.

“Yeah, thank you.” Vernon added, speaking to the other blond over the roof of the car. 

Wonwoo saw the younger boy reach for the outside handle on his door but he shooed him away.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes, not wanting to fit the ‘lady’ image. “Thanks though.” he said with a giggle. 

He actually couldn’t have cared less about another guy opening the door for him. In fact he went crazy when Mingyu did. But Vernon wasn’t Mingyu. Not only would he be betraying Mingyu in his heart if he allowed Vernon to do nice things for him, but he would be betraying Seungkwan as well. That was, if what Jungkook said was true. 

He wanted to thank him for pointing it out, sarcastically of course. All because of Jungkook, he couldn’t help but notice the faint blush on Vernon’s face when he smiled at him once he stepped onto the curb. The blond even extended his hand since the ground had gotten wet from a small rain shower. It was dark out by the time they had arrived and the street lights along the sidewalk made the water shine orange. 

Even if he liked to think that Vernon was being cute and gentleman-like, the thought of the guy liking him bothered him and he rushed past the other boy, pretending as if he didn’t see his hand. 

It was only until he got halfway to the entrance of the building did he turn around, waiting for the rest of them to catch up. Vernon was wearing a frown as he walked towards him, one hand in the pocket of his khakis while his other fumbled with his tie. The blonde looked up at him and instantly smiled, trying to look as though Wonwoo’s actions didn’t disappoint him. It was obvious to him at least.

He hoped that frown was because he was sad about his breakup with Seungkwan.

Oh who was he kidding?

Vernon was so relentless that he even got the door for him, speed-walking past him so that his hand wrapped around the handle first. The blonde was probably even hoping that their hands would touch. Wonwoo felt like scoffing.

Unless he was making it all up in his head. Curse that damned Jungkook. 

“Thank you.” he said, stepping into the vestibule which connected the entrance to the antechamber of the dance hall. He wiped his shoes on the mat and waited for Jungkook to come up alongside him. A few students looked at them as they came in, mostly eyeing his exposed abdomen. Of course girls were envious of his flat stomach, especially how the belly chain highlighted it. Yet the boys weren’t so persuaded. Well, there were some who pulled their girlfriends closer and assured them they were prettier. Then there were the other boys who simply couldn’t take their eyes off him. 

He felt… guilty.

Just as he was about to turn around and tell them he wanted to go back and get changed, Jungkook took his arm and dragged him to the next set of doors. 

“Kookie.” he let out in a whisper. It was probably the most vulnerable he had ever sounded. His eyes had a sort of faint reservation, as if he were afraid for once in his life. There was also a hint of confusion to them. As if- all of a sudden, he didn’t know where he was or what was going on. It was like he was still delirious. 

“I- I’m nervous.” he said, almost hiccuping. He said it like Jungkook was his mother. All he needed to do was tug on Jungkook’s pant leg and his best friend would rake a hand through his hair and lead them out, away from such a wretched place. But Jungkook wasn’t his mother.

“What’s the big deal? Really Wonwoo. You afraid that Mingyu’s going to be here? I told everyone to keep an eye out for him. He won’t be coming near you anytime soon. I promise.”

Wonwoo giggled. It was inappropriate but he couldn’t help himself.

“No, it’s not because of M- Mingyu.” he smiled, nodding to himself as he managed to say the other boy’s name. “I just- feel so exposed, like everyone will be watching me as if my belly button is a third eye.”

Jungkook chuckled.

“That’s the point of the chain I gave you silly. And that’s a pro not a con. You want to be looked at don’t you? Who doesn’t want to be admired?”

“It depends on what you’re being admired for I suppose.” Wonwoo replied, although he really didn’t ‘suppose’. He just didn’t want to upset his best friend. Although he was beginning to wonder whether he and Jungkook had the same- 

No.

The last thing he needed was to doubt that he and Jungkook could really be best friends. The boy couldn’t turn out to be another Jeonghan. Right?

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt being checked out by a bunch of guys. That was the cost of friendship wasn’t it? A mild inconvenience.

He internally laughed. 

“Alright.”

Jungkook reached for the door handle just as Vernon and Jimin came up behind them. 

“And hey, look at it like this. You won’t have to see Mingyu ever again except in your classes. Don’t let him ruin this one night where we all get to have fun, okay? You can’t run away from your problems, especially the likes of him. You got to show him that you aren’t afraid. You aren’t going to live your life in fear, always wondering when you’re going to see him in the hall. This is your time to shine.” Jungkook smiled, singing the last part.

Wonwoo crossed his arms, ignoring the touch of Vernon’s hand on the small of his back. Jungkook was more important as of the moment.

“I’ll try not to even think of him.” he replied.

Even if he was staying just to show Mingyu he wasn’t afraid the football player would still win. Mingyu would still on his mind. That was why the best solution was to simply not care. If he didn’t care, he couldn’t get hurt. Not anymore. 

Jungkook nodded.

“Good.”

He sighed.

“After you monsieur. Hold up our flag on this dark march towards whatever we are approaching. The blind… are leading the blind!”

“How poetic.” Jungkook rolled his eyes, pushing open the door. 

He was slapped in the face with the cool air of the ballroom which was relatively vacant except for a few clusters of students in the corners and in the center.

Jimin crossed his arms.

“I thought there’d be more people here. We look like nerds coming here early.”

“Oh yeah? Well you don’t need me to look like a nerd.” Jungkook barked, circling his arm around Jimin’s and started to walk. If the guy wasn't going to make any moves Jungkook guessed the burden fell on his shoulders. 

Vernon seemed to get inspiration and poked his elbow out in front of him, following in Jungkook’s footsteps.

_ Was the kid serious? _

Wonwoo laughed at the idea inside his head. Although he really should have been more concerned.

“I’m good thanks. You don’t want Kwannie getting the wrong idea.” he chuckled.

Vernon didn’t seem amused.

“I couldn’t give a fuck about him anymore.”

He was about to gasp and reprimand the blond for his vulgar language but he was stopped when the other boy grabbed his wrist and put his arm through the hole he made with his, finally locking them together.

“Vernon- what’s gotten into you?”

He could tell the blond didn’t like that question either. Instead of forming any words, he simply tilted his head to point into the growing crowd.

“Does it look like your precious Kwannie is heartbroken?”

Wonwoo suppressed a laugh.

“My ‘precious Kwannie’, you’re the one who’s supposed to be his boy-” 

He guessed Vernon was right. There on the other side of the ballroom was Seungkwan looking bashful as Jinyoung seemed to be complimenting him. At least, that’s what it looked like. The latter was towering over the former, advancing Seungkwan’s personal space. 

“You know…” Wonwoo began. “This is the perfect opportunity to reclaim your territory.”

Vernon snorted.

“Yeah? Seungkwan’s not my territory anymore. Plus if he was really loyal he wouldn’t be flirting with everything that walks.” 

“Vernon-” Wonwoo began but he was cut off once more.

“Besides, I got you to take care of. That’s better than having to deal with someone who’s always on the fence, never has an opinion, or at least stands up for it. But you do.”

Wonwoo lowered his eyes. 

“I don’t want to be compared to my friend. I’d prefer to be left out of it.” 

“Alright. Sorry about that. But I’d still rather be with you.”

He ripped his hand away, making sure he didn’t yank Vernon with him. Something about the way Vernon looked at him as he said those words didn’t sit right with him.

“What are you trying to say?” he demanded, swallowing heavily. He looked at Vernon as if the blonde had his hand wrapped around his throat. But he didn’t care. The truth was more important than anything. Perhaps even friendship.

Vernon’s mouth formed a lazy ‘O’ as his lips parted in awe at Wonwoo’s beauty. His eyes narrowed as his tongue came out to lick his lips slightly. He wanted to kiss Wonwoo right then and there. 

“I think you know.” 

Wonwoo shut his eyes, shaking his head as if he were a toddler being fed food he didn’t like. His hands came up to hold the sides of his head, trying to massage the knots out of it. 

“It’s just- too much.” he let out, turning around to get away from the blond, retreating into the group that had gathered behind him.

Jungkook was too busy getting scolded by Jennie and Lisa for showing up late that he didn’t notice his distressed friend walking towards him.

Vernon put his hands in his pocket, watching Wonwoo disappear into the cluster of his friends. He supposed now was the time to make good friends with Jimin since both their love interests were off doing their own thing. 

He couldn’t really complain. It wasn’t like the night was already over. 

VI

Mingyu had picked Chaeyeon up from her house, not bothering to meet her mother or even say ‘hello’. He wanted to get the night over with. Well, he wanted to get the dance over with. He had other plans for the night but it was part of their agreement that he would take her to the dance if she could give him what he wanted from her. 

He didn’t spare her a look as she came running down the steps of her front door. Maybe having someone who wasn’t Wonwoo in his bed had been a mistake. Having a girl sitting in the passenger seat sounded even worse. 

The moment Chaeyeon opened the door he could smell her cheap chocolate-scented perfume taking over that new car smell his truck always had. It made him cringe but he shook it off, giving her a smirk. 

“You know we’re going to a dance not a club right?” he said, letting his eyes fall down to her lace bra peeking through her low cut top. In fact, he didn’t want to control himself. He looked at her like she was a piece of meat, as if staring at her cleavage would make him forget about everything Wonwoo had to offer that came from within. As if her disgusting perfume could kill his nostrils so much that he’ll never be able to smell again. As if going without Wonwoo’s fruity scent would make him forget eventually. But Wonwoo always smelled like home. And without the black-haired boy, he was lost. At least, if he kept staring at the woman next to him he wouldn’t know he was. 

Chaeyeon was more woman than he was man, even if she brought disgrace to women. She hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one using her. He was the one causing her to sin. Why should she be called a whore and not him?

He gave her one last look - up and down - as she buckled herself in. The belt fit snugly around her waist and he tried to imagine grabbing it as he told her what a good-for-nothing slut she was. 

Only by degrading others could he feel better about himself. Or perhaps, it worked in another way. Maybe degrading other human beings was just a reflection of what he thought of himself. As if he deserved it.

Yet feeling guilty and remorseful was a mood that could wait until after he gave Chaeyeon the time of her meaningless life. If only it could give meaning to his. 

He thought about grabbing the passenger seat and pushing it back, reclining her in it and then ravaging her. Just so he could get it over and done with. But Chaeyeon liked torturing him. She knew how much it meant for him to find an escape. They both were sadists. Yet he wondered if she knew who she was dealing with. Had she seen him humiliate the love of his life in front of a crowd? Had she heard about how he just got up and left Tzuyu begging for more? 

Mingyu smirked.

He was going to have fun with her. Who the hell did she think she was thinking she was the one who pulled the strings? 

The longer he had to wait the rougher he was going to get with her. Although he knew she wouldn’t break. Chaeyeon wanted it. She liked pain. She even told him that as they made out in the library. 

Pain was something he could inflict on others so that he wouldn’t be suffering in silence alone. Chaeyeon would have to bear the cross for him. She would have to hold the weight of his sins on her shoulders. It didn’t matter if he picked the right woman to do so. He didn’t care if her body couldn’t take it. He needed release. And a  _ need  _ justified everything, even his existence. He needed to survive. 

It was what made him envious of Wonwoo. The black-haired boy acted as though he  _ wanted _ to live, as if his life were valuable. While he had rolled around in bed with Tzuyu, searching for momentary relief from the terror of his life, Wonwoo was living his, not in the wild and animalistic way, but in a purposeful way. Wonwoo had grown up. And now he looked down on him as if he were a child; a teenage boy who couldn’t get his hormones in check. 

Wonwoo was right. Even if he hadn’t even said it. That’s all he was. And when he looked at Chaeyeon, he felt validated. It was not that he had found the embodiment of truth, beauty, and wisdom. No, he had discovered the mirror of his soul. The person who would act as though everything he did was permissible. The person who he could control, who would never demean him, who would treat him like the powerful man he was, never to be rejected ever again. 

He grinned, tightening his grip on the steering wheel as he heard her scoff. 

“Can’t a girl look good and go to a dance at the same time? Are you really complaining?”

He shook his head, chuckling. 

“No. But you aren’t really leaving anything to the imagination baby girl.” he snickered. It held the audacity that even insubordinate soldiers couldn’t match. He actually looked down at her bra, making eye contact with her afterwards. He smirked at her, as if she was just helpless sitting there and could do nothing to stop him. It did something to his ego. It gave him a rush. 

He could see her press her head back into her seat curling her fingers and puckering her lips. It must have been her version of being flustered. He took it as a cue to continue messing with her.

“Do you really want other guys looking at you? I’m not sure I like that.” he said, adopting a devilish grin. 

Her breath hitched but it was more for a dramatic effect than actually surprise. 

“Awww, does Kim Mingyu actually care about me? You don’t want guys checking me out do you? Are you worried?”

“The hell. Why would I be worried about you?” he snorted.

“I thought you’d be jealous at least.” she said, curling a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Trust me. There’s no competition. I’m the fucking star athlete. If anything you should be worried about me.”

“Worried? I’d be disgusted.” Chaeyeon scoffed. 

“Yeah? Tell that to all the other guys whose first times weren’t you.”

Chaeyeon smiled.

“I bet you want to make me forget about all of them. Will you Gyu? ” 

Mingyu chuckled.

“My cock will.”

VII

If he was a gentleman he would have told her to stay in her seat so he could get the passenger door for her but of course, he wasn’t.

Even if they had parked in the parking lot and away from the front entrance, it still would have been nice. Despite the fact that he had the power to keep chivalry alive, he couldn’t have a care in the world. Chaeyeon should have already been grateful that he was there taking her to some sort of dance so she could get her ass grabbed by a bunch of guys. She was supposed to be the one making the night worthwhile for him; giving him a reason to wait for her. 

That was the thing. Wonwoo never would have needed to give him any reason to wait. If the black-haired boy had just said yes, then he’d do anything for him thereon after. He didn’t need Wonwoo to get on his hands and knees for him, or whisper to him about how much he wanted it from him. Wonwoo didn’t need to give him any reason at all to be happy. Wonwoo was the reason. 

If he had just said ‘yes’, his eyes would never roam another person’s body ever again. 

It sounded so stupid he wanted to laugh. Only he could come up with  _ that. _ Yet his stupidity was rewarded when he caught sight of his date, waiting for him to come around the tailgate of his truck. Why did the bad guys get all of the hot girls? Why hadn’t karma stabbed him in the back? Where was the bolt of lightning that was supposed to come down and strike him for being so cruel to his beloved? 

Instead, he got to admire a beautiful woman. If one could even call her that. She was more or less a facade that masqueraded as a delicate flower when she was really a venus fly trap.

Chaeyeon wore a black tight-fitting pencil skirt with the part that was supposed to be covering her upper chest cut out in diagonal strips. It was as if someone draped a net over her but he wasn’t complaining. He’d look at anything that looked good and walked. The large diamond cut outs extended down to her arms in a consistent pattern, leading his eye to her rouge pink acrylic nails. He wanted them scratching his back as he lay on top of her, holding her against him. He wanted to ruin her pretty face. He wanted to show that everything beautiful was really just an illusion covering what was godless and hideous. He wanted to make her cry so much her mascara would be running down her face. Makeup was all he had ever known. He may have seen what true human beauty had looked like when he looked at Wonwoo, but it was only a memory that bore no meaning to it. Just as sound without meaning became noise, the image of Wonwoo in his memory had become a blur. 

He was still angry about being rejected, not feeling good enough, the whole menagerie. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t see clearly. He didn’t want to see anyways. He’d rather be sated than fulfilled. He didn’t know any other standard of value besides pleasure and pain. That was it. He was an animal. 

And like an animal he reached out and grabbed her from behind as she bent over to fix the straps of her heeled sandals. Chaeyeon didn’t even flinch but rather welcomed the large hand. 

He looked down at her arching back, trailing his eyes up to her neck. He knew the next place to put his hands. He thought she would have looked good with bruises on her. It would be his only mark on the world. The only thing he had ever produced. 

“Make sure to keep your hands to yourself while we get in there Gyu. I don’t want to be thrown out because of your lack of self-control.”

He snorted.

“I thought you would take it as a compliment that you’re just that pretty I can’t.”

Chaeyeon bit the inside of her cheek, figuring out how she was going to word what she wanted to say.

“I get it Gyu, you’re handsome. But that’s not enough to make me tolerate you. It doesn’t take brains to be a jerk. There’s plenty of them already.”

“Yeah? Well you wanted a jerk. You all made me into one.” he growled, flinging open the entrance door. He stepped aside quickly, ushering her in with another angry slap on her rear. 

“Ow. Don’t be so rough Gyu.” Chaeyeon scoffed. “Keep that up and I won’t let you go anywhere near there tonight.” 

He narrowed his eyes.

“Shut up. I know you like it rough.” 

“Whatever. Keep making excuses for yourself.”

He ignored the remark, staring down at her posterior with the most vulgar and unabashed grin.

“Bet you can’t feel anything through those butt pads anyways.” 

Chaeyeon gasped, giving him a dirty look before she yanked open the door to get away from him. She strutted into the lobby on her high heels, purse swaying with her long dark hair. He could have grabbed her arm but he liked the thought of having to catch his prey.

The lobby had gotten crowded as more people arrived some of whom were waiting for their friends to show up before walking in. He could tell some of the other freshmen were nervous about going to their first dance in college. It was probably their first dance in their life. He didn’t spare time to make fun of them and instead just kept walking, following his date into the ballroom where the rest of his gang said they’d meet him. Of course that excluded S.Coups by virtue of him being loyal to Wonwoo. Plus the guy probably wasn’t over the fact that he’d be taking the captain’s position away from him next year. 

He couldn’t help but grin as he saw the junior standing in the corner on the other side of the room with what looked to be an angry Jeonghan who had his arms crossed scolding him. The blond was probably telling his boyfriend not to do anything stupid. Before he and S.Coups could make eye contact and glare at each other, a hand slapped his shoulder and he turned his head forward to see Bambam staring at him plainly. His teammate’s expression was stone cold but he knew it was just Bambam’s way of greeting him. That, and he looked pissed about something. Although he wasn’t interested enough to ask.

“Why were you so late Kim? Was it because of your date?” Bambam asked, nodding his head towards Chaeyeon who was catching up with all of her girlfriends. The entire football team had huddled together near the door with their dates accompanying them to entertain each other. At least, some of them had dates while the others made the most of it with their buddies. 

“You would know.” he retorted. “Bet you’ve never been given a blowjob while you were driving.”

Bambam choked on his own saliva.

“I’m just messing with you.” Mingyu chuckled, giving his friend a playful shove.

“I mean- I wouldn’t be surprised. You are the star athlete aren’t you.” Bambam snorted, jabbing his knuckle against his other shoulder. It was clear that he was making fun of him. 

“I am.” he narrowed his eyes, grabbing Bambam’s wrist as he tried to retract it.

“Chill, Coach is going to kill me if I have a broken wrist. But I guess it doesn’t matter since you’re the fucking star athelte.” his teammate snickered.

Mingyu chuckled.

“I forgot you were there.” he said, referring to the hill on which he asked Wonwoo to the dance. He released Bambam’s wrist and shoved his hands in his pockets.

His friend grinned.

“You were spitting facts man. It was pretty entertaining.”

“Wonwoo wasn’t laughing.” Mingyu scowled. Even as he said it he was already feeling guilty, but he simply shrugged it off. The image of Wonwoo’s broken and confused smile, his hysterical giggles, the way he looked as if he were lost in his own head… that was something he didn’t want to remember. It made him more upset than angry. That wasn’t going to help him get over him. Heck, he didn’t love Wonwoo then and there simply because he felt sorry for him. Sympathy and pity never entered the equation and it wasn’t entering it now.

“True, but he deserved it.” Bambam spat. “He’s been whoring himself out to Jaehyun, probably getting fucked by him too. Did you really believe he was all about purity and values? If he came crawling to me and begging on his knees I’d fucking spit on his face. That bitch would probably like it.” 

Bambam’s words made something in his stomach twist uncomfortably. Even if he was trying to hate Wonwoo, having another guy talk about him like that wasn’t merely too graphic for him, the words and the tone of his friend’s voice was simply unsettling. 

But he was entertaining those same thoughts about Chaeyeon minutes ago? 

What made him different from any other man? 

“I bet the whole philosophy thing is just an act.” Bambam continued. “He probably likes preaching morals but then getting fucked behind the curtain. Kinky, right?” 

Mingyu crossed his arms, not really wanting to pay attention to what the other boy was saying. Instead, he looked around for his other friends. A lot of his teammates were wearing their jerseys so it was hard to distinguish some of them. Where the hell was Yugyeom anyway?

“Dude, imagine if Wonwoo came running back to you?” Bambam continued, slapping his shoulder again.

“We never were together. In the first place” he huffed.

“Yeah fine, just imagine. Would you actually fuck him?” 

Mingyu gulped but he hid it by raking a hand through his hair. Narrowing his eyes, he gave Bambam a smirk.

“Maybe if he begged for it.”

Bambam snickered.

“If he did we should get the whole team in on it. You know, pass him around until he’s a walking STD factory.” 

“The fuck.” Mingyu snorted. “That’s gay.”

“What?” Bambam gaped. “You’re the one who just said you’d bang Wonwoo if you could.”

“Yeah but I’d be the one who tops. Why the fuck would I stand around jerking off with a bunch of guys?”

“Oh so you would want Wonwoo all to yourself eh?”

“Shut up, that’s not what I meant. Having the whole team watch is fucking gay.” 

“Pshhh, it’s not like you’re making eye contact with them. It’s called a gangbang. Are you stupid?” 

“Whatever. If Wonwoo ever did ask me to fuck him I’ll just hand him over to you. You can even take Chaeyeon if you want too. I mean- after I’m done with her. You’re going to have to clean her out though.” he smirked. 

Bambam shook his head.

“What’s with you and always giving me the leftovers.”

“You couldn’t even handle her unless I fucked her first. I’d take all the fight out of her.” Mingyu grinned. 

“Nice to know that’s what you think of your teammates.” his friend huffed. 

“I don’t even think of you. Fuck out of here.” he huffed. 

Just as Bambam was about to make a comeback, his shoulder was stung by a bunch of sharp pointy objects. He whipped his head to the side and down to see Chaeyeon leaning against him with her nails digging into his suit. The material was thick and firm so he was taken aback by the fact that her nails could get through.

“What?” he snapped, angry because the conversation had been interrupted. If Chaeyeon wasn’t going to give him what he wanted soon then she better not be annoying. 

“Don’t speak to me like that.” she pouted, although it wasn’t sincere. It was obvious she could care less about it. Although it didn’t hurt to put on an act to see if Mingyu would fall for it.

He grunted, unlocking their arms and putting his around her waist. Hoping his act would sell to Bambam, he pulled Chaeyeon close and buried his face in her neck.

“Sorry babe.” he whispered huskily, causing her to laugh lightly as she slapped his back to get him to stop.

“I want to introduce you to my friends.” Chaeyeon explained, pushing him away slightly but then reclaiming his hand and tugging him along. 

“Bye Bambam.” she waved kittenishly, even winking. 

Mingyu couldn’t care less but acted as though he did, pulling her back towards him and reasserting an arm around her. The only person he’d ever feel jealous for was Wonwoo. The fact that he didn’t feel anything towards Chaeyeon - not even attraction - was discouraging. It dismayed him because he knew he’d never be able to get over Wonwoo. Of course that didn’t stop him from being stupid and wanting to try.

They walked around the crowd of football players and towards the other end of the room. Along the way, he gave his teammates high-fives and slaps on the back. He saw them checking out Chaeyeon and forced himself to look smug. Chaeyeon wasn’t a woman he wanted to brag about having but maybe he’d feel better about himself if he did. 

It may have looked as though Chaeyeon wanted her friends to meet him formally and on clean new terms but it was obvious to him that she was just showing him off. As much as it should have boosted his pride, it didn’t. It was unearned pride. And for what? His handsome face or the rumor that he was good in bed? 

Either way, at least no one would ever ask the question what was right and what was wrong to be proud of. They were all mindless zombies, conforming to norms, following the herd. What made him feel even more guilty was the fact that he knew - even if he was the alpha of the pack - that he still was part of the herd. He was not bound to laws or morals, he made them. And that- that was too much freedom. Yet if he were to go and beg for Wonwoo’s forgiveness, he felt as though he’d be putting himself down. He wanted to be Wonwoo’s equal, not his subordinate. It brought him solace to know however - in the disaster that had been his doing - that Wonwoo would never meet anyone who could make his dream come true. 

Mingyu couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He wouldn’t stand to be in second place to another man. 

If only Wonwoo could just stop being stubborn and give in, compromise, concede… If he did that, he’d finally be happy.. The weight would be lifted off his shoulders and Wonwoo could love him indiscriminately; with no standard. Nothing would be asked of him and he could finally be content with himself. There’d be no use in self-improvement. There’d be no command to rise. 

Wonwoo wanted heavenly love and he wanted love from the gutter. Wonwoo had his head in the clouds and he had his head in the swamp that was sweat and tears. If only the tears were his. 

As they got through the thick of people they arrived on the other side of the ballroom in the right-hand corner, furthest from the door. He would have thought Chaeyeon’s friends had chosen the location so they could pass out weed-brownies or vape but luckily Chaeyeon’s friends weren’t as bad as her. For once there was an exception to the rule that one was what their friends were. He supposed that went for the both of them. If Yugyeom, Mark, Seokmin and Chan hadn’t cared about him so much, they probably would have left. But they still cared enough to stay and try to help him, even if he laughed in their faces. 

It was somewhat awkward to be confronted by them. Rather than give friendly smiles to him, the boys distracted themselves as if to make the moment less... uncomfortable. 

Yugyeom tightened his hold around Somi’s waist as he stood behind her while Mark craned his neck back to whisper something into Jaebum’s ear. Seokmin on the other hand kept it less intimate but took Yuju’s hand in reassurance. Chan simply stood there alone. Yet despite that obvious and painful fact, he stood up straight and proud, wearing his tux as if it would never collect dust so long as he stood in it. 

Mingyu could care less about fist-bumping the guy Baekhyun who turned out to be Mina’s date. His teammate had been elusive and out of the spotlight for a while but considering the hickeys on Mina’s neck he could tell why. Speculation wasn’t something he was interested in and he turned his focus to the boy whose face practically sparkled like a disco ball standing across from him. 

His eyes narrowed at the sight of the guy’s hand on Mark’s waist. Jaebum was basically flaunting a gold ring on his finger as if he were some gangster. His anti-eyebrow piercing was the first thing he spotted on the guy’s face before they made eye contact. 

He sent the kid a look that warned him not to try anything stupid. Jaebum’s expression was a mixture between a smirk and a sheepish smile but he reassured Mingyu with a lazy but friendly wave. 

Mingyu chose to shrug it off, looking back down towards Chaeyeon as he waited for her to get on with it.

“Somi, Mina, you remember Mingyu, don’t you?” she giggled lightly, swinging her white leather clutch.

“How could we forget?” Mina replied, rolling her eyes as she grinned.

“It just shows that you actually listen to me when I speak.” Chaeyeon said, crossing her arms. Mingyu took it as an opportunity to let his hand wander down from her waist and passed the small of her back. He felt dirty and improper when he did it but it suited him. Although it didn’t give him the exhilarating thrill he hoped to achieve. He thought it would have been hot to think that all of his friends didn’t know just how bad of a bad boy he was. But he’d prove it to Chaeyeon that he could take the ‘boy’ out of ‘bad boy’.

“Did she talk about me?” Mingyu asked, arching an eyebrow as he put his free hand in his pocket.

“The real question is when did she not talk about you.” Somi answered.

Chaeyeon didn’t have the bone in her to blush. She was shameless after all. After pursuing what she was after for a while, why would she feel embarrassed? She merely rolled her eyes.

“I guess I should ask the same question to your friends right?” Chaeyeon giggled, scanning the group.

Mingyu’s friends would have all given her a ‘no’ within the blink of an eye but since they were polite, they simply laughed awkwardly as if her question was a joke. 

Chaeyeon snorted, understanding why no one had dared to answer. Instead of pushing it, she turned to her date.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me Gyu? Or have you already forgotten my name?” 

He shook his head and leaned downwards to whisper into her ear.

“What was your name again? ‘Whore’ or ‘slut’?” 

She didn’t bother covering her mouth as she gawked. Rather, she slapped him on the shoulder, suddenly recognizing that the whole group was watching them. She let out a soundless laugh. All that came out was bubbles of air as if she lost her voice. 

“Aren’t we a cute couple? You know how Mingyu is. He’s so… primitive.” she said, holding her stomach as she frantically searched for one of Mingyu’s friends to nod or give her an affirmative smile. But they all ignored her. 

Chaeyeon looked to her friends for help in making conversation but they were too busy playing cute and adorable with their dates. She supposed she was all alone on a sinking ship. 

“I hate you.” she hissed, snapping her head up towards him before turning back to the rest of the group to give them a sheepish smile.

The football player smirked, whispering into her ear once more. 

“You won’t be saying that when I’ve fucked your brains out.” 

She gulped, prompting his eyes to fall down to where her chest rose up and down. He looked through cut outs in her top as he stepped behind her and placed both hands on her waist. He had turned an innocent dance into a rave.

Wanting to get back at him, Chaeyeon decided to play along, stepping backwards slightly as to grind into him. Yet all she could feel was his rock hard abdomen, nothing else. It was flat. 

She didn’t know whether to be insulted by the fact that Mingyu wasn’t hard or to take it as motivation to work harder. She wasn’t in the mood to spend the whole night trying to rile Mingyu up. She was there to dance.

Chaeyeon was just about to detach herself from Mingyu and prance off on her high heels to chat with her girlfriends when she saw something beyond the crowd. A glint of cruelty shot across her eyes. 

“The next time you wanna call me a slut, think again.”

He furrowed his brows but it wasn’t in gentle confusion. It was more like disgust. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“That kid you liked… Wonwoo right? Little whore is over there.” she said, trying to suppress her laughter. “You see him?” 

It was probably the first time that Chaeyeon ever caught him off guard. And usually he was always in control of the situation. But he didn’t care about that now. The object of his love and affection had just entered the ballroom. Wonwoo and Jungkook had been walking alongside each other until Jungkook took off somewhere, leaving the black-haired boy with Vernon. With the dim lighting it was hard to make out their faces yet he didn’t like how close Vernon suddenly got to him. Didn’t he have a boyfriend? 

“He’s going out with Vernon now? And I’m the slut?.” Chaeyeon giggled maliciously, spinning around to rest her body against his as she peered out from behind his chest to get a better look.

He didn’t want to concern himself with Wonwoo at the moment. He was there for Chaeyeon. There to get something from her. There wasn’t any point in getting emotionally involved, not when he didn’t need to. Instead his arms came up to grip her waist. It was at that moment that the DJ put on Drake’s “One Dance.” 

He liked the sound and slowness of the rhythm but the pleasure of music didn’t match with the visual in front of him. It was an insult to the song and to the art of music as a whole to dance with someone who he didn’t want to be with. Chaeyeon was just a body to him and they were swaying together like zombies.

Distracting himself from the uncomfortable truth, he tried grinning down at her, as if the physical movement of his face could change his emotions. It didn’t work and all he was met with was the warm air of her breath, heavy with envy. 

Chaeyeon’s nails gleamed in the light from the disco ball hanging in the center of the room, her fingers, splayed out across his chest. They had been slightly fumbling with his tie and collar as she glared at his  _ former _ love interest. Or at least, it better have been his former love interest.

Mingyu wasn’t going to snap at her or even correct her for calling Wonwoo a whore. Even if it wasn’t true, he liked to think it was. 

He tightened his grip on her waist, considering her remark.

“Well, that’s why I’m dating you.” 

She scoffed. 

“I thought it was because you were desperate.”

“I guess you could say that.” he grinned, holding her chin. “I couldn’t care less about this place. I’m desperate to see you laying on my bed after I-”

“You really have no class do you?” Chaeyeon snorted. “I’ll sleep with you if you can get through one night without thinking about sex. If a boy like you is capable of that.”

Mingyu smirked.

“Deal.”

His hands shot down her sides and grabbed her from behind, causing her to jump and end up splat against his chest. 

“Can’t wait to see you. Wanna hear you scream my name. Wanna cum all over your face baby.” he said huskily into her ear before trailing his mouth down her neck. 

She giggled hysterically.

“Mingyu, you fucking animal.” she hissed, breaking out in laughter. “I-” 

“Ehhem.” 

He looked over her head to see Seokmin clearing his throat, purposefully reminding Mingyu that his friends still existed.

“We’re going to see what Jungkook’s up to.” 

“Alright.” He shrugged. His expression turned into a faint scowl as he watched Seokmin, Yugyeom, and Mark take their dates and leave. Somi waved to Mina but was more or less happy to escape from Chaeyeon’s annoyed stare. 

“Wanna get some punch?” he grunted, hands coming to the small of her back. Chaeyeon wasn’t really interested in dancing at the moment. In fact, she seemed to be largely ignoring the music in favor of contemplating how she was going to get Mingyu’s friends to accept her. Of course not in the sense of friendship bonds but for the sake of status. 

“Is there any booze in it?” She pouted.

“No.” He snorted. “This is a school dance. Are you dumb?”

Something sinister yet at the same time playful gleamed in her eyes as she leaned up to whisper in his ear. 

“You’re gonna make me dumb for your cock daddy. I’m just a dumb bitch aren’t I?” She whispered, adopting an innocent pout, pursing her lips for emphasis. It was the only time her eyes ever got soft. But it was all an act. 

His scowl grew even more after that and she withdrew from being close to his face to stepping around him and tugging him along to the beverages table at the end of the room in the far-back center. He eyed the way her hand tried to wrap around his wrist and he even tried to think of it wrapped around his-

“Are you going to walk or do I have to pull you?” Chaeyeon complained, stopping a few dozen feet from the punch table. 

He could have just told her to shut up but he got a better idea.

“Don’t worry.” he grinned. “I’m not the kind of guy to make the lady do all the work.” 

Besides the fact that he wanted to wash his mouth out with soap, he couldn’t believe he called Chaeyeon a ‘lady’. Rather than blush like one, Chaeyeon gave him her trademark eyeroll and continued on her walk, trying to seduce every guy she walked past. If only that could make him feel inferior and worthless. 

He was about to take her hand and pull her back towards him when he spotted a familiar head of black-hair over Chaeyeon’s shoulder. It took him a second to realize that it was Wonwoo and he instantly became stiff, his cocky demeanor neutralized by the sudden up-closeness of the bane of his existence. However, even with the way Wonwoo’s black hair came down around his head in that bowl cut he always wore - making it look as though he was cloaked - he was overcome with fear. Though it was more of an irrational fear than cowardice. It was what made Wonwoo special; like an angel disguised as a demon. In his pale and fragile form somehow his glowing brilliance emanated outwards. Unfortunately, like hot sunlight, it stung him, making his soul rot like cow manure in the summer. Even if that was the case, Wonwoo stood there like a beautiful gift delivered to him yet wrapped with the hands of someone who had all their fingers broken. Wonwoo was something of an enigma. 

If he stayed standing there like a fool, contemplating Wonwoo’s beauty as if he were a painting in some fine arts museum, then he knew he could only fall more in love with him. That was why he let his eyes linger on the black-haired boy’s body, even if Chaeyeon was right in front of him. But this time, he did not need to force himself to feel attracted to the other boy; he rather gave up his self-control. It wasn’t like he was glad to be a scumbag nor did it feel good to be one but at least Wonwoo was visually pleasing. 

Wonwoo’s ass had always been hidden under a long shirt or the cowl of a thin rain jacket. It wasn’t as if he had a lot to boast but with those tight pants and the way he was standing, it was impossible not to see it. 

With that crop top of his barely reaching his midline, his pert bottom became even more visible. Especially with the way those pants hugged his hips. He knew he was being abominable but it wasn’t like there was any other path for him to take. He had already ruined his chances. He might as well take what he had left. 

He couldn’t care less if Chaeyeon was glaring up at him as he bit his lips. He wondered if Wonwoo’s hips were that curvy or if the round slope he was seeing on each side of Wonwoo’s body were the mounds of his ass. 

It didn’t help that Wonwoo wore a silver and glimmering belly chain around his tiny waist. Nor did it help that the heart-shaped medallion in the center aligned perfectly with his bellybutton. His mouth was already watering. If he was a dog his tail would probably be wagging already.

How could someone so conservative and pure-minded wear such a thing? At least Wonwoo wasn’t wearing a choker. He probably wouldn’t have been able to control himself. As if on instinct, his eyes darted towards the nearest restroom or janitor’s closet and his mind began to wander to the memory of Bambam asking whether he’d bang Wonwoo if he could.

If he wanted to be even more detestable he would have said he liked Wonwoo’s new look. But then again, he was already with Chaeyeon. That was as reprehensible as he could get.

Yet the gleaming bracelets around Wonwoo’s arms drew him to a place less private but he still looked at him with burning intimacy. 

Above the rim of his black form-fitting sweater was a polished metal cuff bracelet which seemed to contain an inscription as he walked closer. On his other wrist was a bronze pendant attached to a beaded chain made from what looked to be tiny marbles. It looked as though a coin was hanging from it but he couldn’t make out the face minted onto it. Rather than focus all his energy on squinting he subtly shifted his eyes, granting himself an all-encompassing view of Wonwoo’s neck which was partially hidden by the black crop top sweater he wore. The rest of his skin was covered in a ribbon that looked like it came off a Christmas present. It glowed a translucent blue as if it were a hologram. He just wanted to slip his fingers through the ribbon and hold him there. 

“For the last time. You’re really getting on my-.” Chaeyeon stopped, seeing that he wasn’t even looking at her. She turned her head to follow his line of sight, her eyes settling on the object of her boyfriend’s desires. Although she didn’t even know if she could call him her boyfriend, not with the way he looked dumbstruck by a twig wearing a crop top. 

She smirked.

_ Really creative.  _

“Oh c’mon.” she said mockingly, turning back around to look at him. “You’re really going to do this to me, a day after we got together?” she added, forcing his hands to go below her hips, securing herself with them.

Mingyu narrowed his eyes.

“I’m not doing anything.” he said angrily. The fact that Wonwoo was the hottest person he ever laid his eyes on already had made him angry. Chaeyeon was just salt on a wound. 

“Well I want something to drink, will you get it for me?

“Sure, whatever you want.” he grumbled, stepping in front of her as his hand went for the stack of plastic cups on the table. In the corner of his eye he could see Wonwoo slow down his movements as if he was seeing who would leave the table first. None of them relented,

If anything he was the one still taking the bait and playing the game. Every second was filled with the desire to show Wonwoo that he wasn’t going to back down. Although Wonwoo didn’t seem like he cared at all. 

It wasn’t out of shamelessness that he dared to stand in close proximity with the person whose heart he crushed. It was not an act of aggression or malice towards Wonwoo, but a testament to the fact that he was impervious to Wonwoo’s tricks. Though Wonwoo simply standing there looking frighteningly pretty was only one of them.

He finally willed himself to give Wonwoo a closer look, turning his head to glare at him. Yet the black-haired boy a couple dozen feet away didn’t notice, or if he did, he ignored it. Mingyu took it as an opportunity to study him further, noticing the studs in Wonwoo’s ears sparkle each time one of the glittering squares from the disco ball shined through it. Before he could get lost in their light, he could see that they were the shape of dollar signs. 

_ What kind of message was he sending? _

Maybe it was a rebellion against society’s obsession with material wealth, or perhaps it was just Wonwoo flaunting his own wealth. Although those things didn’t sound like what Wonwoo would do. They looked good on him though. He certainly owned the look.

“Are you going to pour my drink or what?” Chaeyeon snapped, wrapping her hand around his bicep as she put the other hand on her hip. She flashed Wonwoo a look of contempt before going back to direct Mingyu what to put into her drink. There was an assortment of ingredients like lemons, mint and cut up strawberries so she had fun making him do extra work putting everything into one cup of fruit punch. She supposed it was just one way to show Wonwoo who Mingyu worked for. She couldn’t wait until the made a sex tape. Then everyone would really know how hard Mingyu worked. Of course, she couldn't think about that now, not when Wonwoo’s clothes looked like purity and sin had a baby. 

“Are you happy now?”? Mingyu growled, handing her a clear plastic cup. She guessed it was clear because the school didn’t want kids smuggling in alcohol. Before she could say ‘thank you’ and give him a kiss, the pink liquid splashed against the rim of the cup, spilling on her upper chest. It fell through the cutouts in her top and seeped down her skin. 

Mingyu didn’t even reach for a napkin. He simply forced his eyes to follow the drops of pink liquid trickling down to her bra. Knowing Wonwoo was only a little ways away, he put extra effort into biting his lips, even sticking his tongue out so it rested on his bottom lip. 

“Fuck, too bad you didn’t wear white. I wanna fucking poor the whole punch bowl on you just to see you soaked and glistening for me baby girl.” 

Chaeyeon looked as though she wanted to writhe in anger but all she could do was smile bashfully, bringing up her manicured hand to slap the front of his shoulder.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me Gyu. But if you keep it up I won’t want to stay. Don’t you want to stay and have fun?” she pouted. Her last words were curled with deceptive innocence. 

“Think of it as a compliment that I want to fuck you.” he said, grabbing her all of a sudden and bending her back to suck on her neck. Chaeyeon made sure that she didn’t spill her drink twice, holding it out although rather obnoxiously as she tried to get Wonwoo’s attention. 

“I’ll have to see how good you are first.” Chaeyeon hummed, poking his cheek lightly as she smiled up at him.

Mingyu chuckled.

“I thought you could already tell.” he said, stepping forward all the while bringing her closer to him. It was probably the second time Chaeyeon ever blushed in her life as she felt his hardness poking her. Although the only reason why the action was surprising and flattering was because he finally managed to make himself aroused. Even then, he only got a hard on because he was thinking of what Wonwoo looked like going down on him. 

From the view of anyone watching them, it could have been seen as him grinding on her. Yet from the view of Wonwoo who finally spared them a glace, it could have been seen as  _ treason. _

It was obvious the black-haired boy was repulsed by his barbarity and primitive sensualness, yet the look on Wonwoo’s face did not suggest complete indignation but also a sense of yearning, as if he could teach him what to do with all that raw power and passion he had. 

Mingyu suppressed the urge to ask Wonwoo why he was glaring at them. Not because he wanted to be a dick head but becase he was genuinely interested. Though it would just be showing that he still cared if he did ask why. He was supposed to have forgotten about him right? However, Chaeyeon didn’t seem to be on the same page.

Just as Wonwoo spun around and started to walk with purpose back to his friends, Chaeyeon called out to him.

“Hey Wonwoo.” she spoke, saying it as if it were more of a greeting than a question. 

Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, raising his shoulders as he inhaled a breath. Mingyu knew it wasn’t because he was nervous or annoyed. It was obvious he despised them.

“Hello.” he said in the middle of turning around, nodding to her as he raised the two cups in his hand to chest level. 

“Oh.” Chaeyeon giggled. “I’m surprised.”

Mingyu knew from that tone of voice that whatever was going to come out of his date’s mouth wasn’t going to be good. He furrowed his brows at her. Yet what surprised him was the fact that Wonwoo’s face hadn’t changed. It still had that casual expressionlessness to it, just like on the first day they met. It was like they were meeting again all over again except Wonwoo had thrown it all away and buried the memory while he himself still held on to it, torturing himself as if he were holding a flame to a priceless photo. 

“Why are you surprised?” Wonwoo asked. It wasn’t as if he was interested. It looked as though he wanted to get the conversation over with and leave. But he didn’t look desperate either. Just bored. That was probably the biggest insult the black-haired boy could give him. Forget about rejection. For Wonwoo to act as if his existence was boring was the worst thing that could happen to him. 

“Just because I thought you would be bitter about me stealing your… what was it? Your crush?”

Wonwoo’s eyes shifted to Mingyu, smiling as if he were suggesting him to chime in but he stayed silent, putting a hand in his pocket and looking glumly at him. He wasn’t enjoying it at all, even if he wished he wanted to yell at Wonwoo and humiliate him all over again. 

“To call it a crush would be insulting.”

Chaeyeon fake gasped.

“I forgot, sorry. You’re above high school romances right?”

Wonwoo scowled.

“How’d you know that?” he snapped rather quickly like a child. But the expression on his face was anything but childish. It was scary. Of course, Chaeyeon didn’t know when to shut her trap.

“Mingyu told me everything. It’s nice having someone respect and care about you enough to tell you those kinds of things. You know the feeling, right?” 

He let out a humph.

“I used to think that way too, but now I know there’s a cost.” the black-haired boy replied, taking a sipt of the punch. His face lost every bit of malice and contempt in it. There wasn’t a point to getting angry. Instead his eyes became inquisitive as he tried to figure out what was going on in Mingyu’s head.

_ Why hadn’t he said anything? _

He’d never seen the taller boy look down at his feet but the way his line of sight had lowered was as far as it got. Just as he was about to think that Mingyu felt sorry, he realized the football player had been staring at his exposed stomach all along. From the way the football player’s jaw appeared stiff and how his cheeks hardened, it was obvious he was clenching his teeth. It should have made him uneasy but it only made him lose more hope in him. Hope was something intangible, ungrounded, empty….

It was as if hope was a storm that loomed over his hardened heart, the only thing concrete and knowable in the world, but only to himself. Just like those clouds, hope could be whisked away by a breeze, so easily and sudden, as if any second, everything could come crashing down. 

It was too complex for Mingyu to understand. The brute was too busy trying to wrap his head around the fact that the heart-shaped medallion on his belly chain aligned perfectly with his belly button. It was probably the only work of art Mingyu had ever seen, that is, if he even knew art when he saw it.

He’d rather forget about it all. It was his time to leave anyways. There was nothing for him there. He thought he could have put his mind at rest; that Mingyu would just say something that would seal the deal, but there was no closure after all. Not if he kept expecting it. 

#  _ “Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.” _

There he was, practically begging on his knees for Mingyu to give him an answer. As if kissing Chaeyeon hadn’t been enough to tell him that he should stop loving him. He had to give up. He’d let Chaeyeon’s eyes scrutinize him and he’d let Mingyu’s violate him. It was a price to pay for embodying the truth and nothing but the truth. He’d let them stare into his soul even if it made him self-conscious. But at least he had a self, an ego, a mind, a soul. Whatever one wanted to call it. It was something they had sold and something he had kept. If anything he should be scoffing at them. But he didn’t need their validation. He was the validation. He could be everything he wanted to be by choosing not to be like them. 

Mingyu didn’t need to look Wonwoo in the eyes to know the internal struggle playing out within him. It was more than a perk of being friends with the shorter boy, but a blessing. Just from the way Wonwoo was standing with his fingers trying to curl into his palms was he able to tell that he was distressed, even if he gave the appearance of looking composed. It was at that moment that he felt like telling Chaeyeon they were through and then running to hug Wonwoo. It wasn’t out of mere animal instinct that he wanted to pick the black-haired boy up and run out of there with him. Deep down he knew it was the right thing to do, the thing he really  _ wanted _ to do. After everything that happened, he had never done what he really wanted. 

He wanted to step forward and hoist Wonwoo onto his back, not caring if the boy protested. He actually liked the thought of Wonwoo being mad at him and slapping his back. He pictured himself telling Wonwoo to shut up and that he’d make it up to him but... it would never come true. Not when a hand asserted itself around Wonwoo’s waist just as he was going to take his own hand out of his pocket. 

Vernon sure knew how to appear out of nowhere.

“Sup.” the blond let out between his shining rows of teeth as he grinned at him. Even from the faint sound of Vernon’s voice, and from one little word, he could tell the other boy was smiling like a fool. 

Wonwoo didn’t welcome the hand but he didn’t want to compromise Vernon’s appearance. He could care less whether Chaeyeon made fun of him for it. He just didn’t want to make Vernon look like a fool.

It was at that moment that the thought occurred to him that he could make Mingyu jealous. Just like at Joshua’s party, he wouldn’t stoop that low. Chaeyeon could mock him for acting like he was above them all. But it was true. It was better to act high-minded and mature than to only think that way. He liked to think that by composing himself, he was making the world a better place, at least by a tiny bit.

“What are you doing here? Is the dance boring you?” Wonwoo asked, raising his head up high as he eyed the hand palming his side. 

“It is without you.” Vernon chuckled. 

This time he could feel the blond’s breath on his neck as the former turned to speak to him.

“Jimin wanted to get Jungkook something to drink but I told him I’ll get them both something. It might look like an excuse to be here but I couldn’t care less. Friends stick together right?”

Mingyu snorted. 

“Since when did you get close to Wonwoo?”

The blond scowled.

“I don’t know. We gradually became close friends. Time flies when you go through a lot together. Thanks for dropping out of the game man. I wasn’t keen on competing for Wonwoo’s attention.” 

“Yeah? Bet you're pretty glad I let you have him. Truth is that I never was in the competition in the first place. You probably weren’t man enough to even ask him out.” Mingyu smirked. “Funny how you waited til I was through with him to save his ass from falling. Not sure you want his ass after Jaehyun’s been with him though.” 

“Take that back.” Vernon gritted. “You should be apologizing to him your fucking bastard.” 

“And you should be taking Wonwoo home if you’re so fucking desperate to bang him.” Mingyu retorted. 

The blond narrowed his eyes.

“S.Coups should have killed you.” he whispered menacingly. “I could I would have finished the job you know. But I actually care about Wonwoo more than I hate you. That’s right. Hating you is a waste of time. It isn’t gonna make you any better. Not when you’ve chosen a slut over the most beautiful person in the world.” 

Mingyu growled and for once, he brought Chaeyeon closer to him. It wasn’t as if he was defending her per se. He was really just defending himself. 

“Alright Chwe. Keep telling yourself that. You’re in for a big surprise once you find out Wonwoo’s been flirting with another guy. The only time he’ll ever follow orders is when a cock is in front of his face, ain't that right Wonwoo?”

Vernon unlatched his arm to step forward but Wonwoo blocked him, hugging the blond as to restrain but also calm him down. 

“C’mon, I got you some punch.” Wonwoo said softly, holding the two cups in his hands behind Vernon’s neck.

Chaeyeon scoffed at their little moment. 

“You’re really full of yourself Wonwoo if you think you can ‘get over’ your crush. Must be some amount of willpower you have. Tell me, are you so desperate to get over Mingyu that you’d sleep with Vernon?” she laughed. Her eyes crinkled but it didn’t resemble that of a joyous child but a sadistic monster taking delight in his pain.

Mingyu would have laughed along with her and rubbed it in Wonwoo’s face by kissing her too but all he could think about was how Wonwoo had made Vernon go from a steaming hot tea kettle to lukewarm water, melting into his embrace. Luckily, he didn’t get a chance to become sad and regretful since Vernon had to ruin the moment and make it all about throwing a dig at him.

The blond sent him a smirk as he wrapped his arms around Wonwoo’s exposed waist, his fingers playing with Wonwoo’s belly chain. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Chae. Trust me, we haven’t done anything yet.” Vernon grinned, but what he said caused Wonwoo to leave his arms and tug him along into the thick of the crowd. Vernon made sure to get a cup on his way out and dunk it into the punch bowl, messily filling it up. He saluted Mingyu and followed Wonwoo into the haze of moving bodies. 

All Mingyu could do was glare at the other boy’s disappearing form.

Vernon had a lot of explaining to do, thinking he could steal Wonwoo from right under his nose. He was a little fucking kid. He couldn’t wait till Wonwoo dumped Vernon because he was small or bad in bed. He was just about to chuckle out loud when he stopped himself. It wasn’t because he noticed that Chaeyeon was looking up at him with a soft expression on her face. That was new and surprising but it wasn’t something that mattered to him. A display of tenderness between lovers was probably one of the most endearing things they could do for eachother. But they weren’t even lovers. At least, not in his eyes. Chaeyeon would be better suited as a fuck buddy for all he cared.

Forgetting about her, he focused his thoughts on Wonwoo as she tugged him towards the dance floor. He wondered why he stopped himself from imagining Wonwoo and Vernon sleeping together. It couldn’t really be because he didn’t like the thought of any other guy touching Wonwoo, could it? Or was he actually repulsed by the idea because he was for sure straight. It wasn’t like he was afraid to touch Chaeyeon or even kiss her. It was obvious he wasn’t considering the way he made out with her and grabbed her all over. Though he never truly wanted to do those things. 

Mingyu sighed.

He just wished he had Wonwoo there to write down all his feelings and sort them out for him. He could already imagine Wonwoo wearing glasses as he scribbled down ideas like the hybrid of a police detective and therapist. Where both may have been cold and straightforward, he would give anything just to lay down on a couch and have Wonwoo sit and talk to him. What better way to have a discussion and get to know each other rather than just casually sleeping together. Vernon was really lucky he guessed. While any guy would have taken it to mean that Vernon was lucky because Wonwoo was a good bang. Vernon was really lucky because Wonwoo had a passion for trying to understand and talk to him. Forget about lovers. He’d kill just to have that kind of friend. Each and every second of his miserable existence he realized just how good he could have had it, if only he sat down with Wonwoo and bought him coffee. They could have already been dancing together. Hell, he’d get down on one knee and propose to the other boy just to make sure he couldn’t ever leave. 

He was too busy daydreaming to notice how Chaeyeon seemed to be trying to get his attention, directing his hands to her waist as the real slow dance commenced. 

Mingyu tried not to cringe since all of his friends were watching them move towards the center of the dance floor. He hoped Wonwoo was watching too. Wonwoo had to know he was over him. That and revenge gave him a bit of a thrill although he felt empty afterwards. That was why he was going to make the most of the night, even if it would only last for a few hours. He was going to have fun, get drunk, and get laid. Even if he went to hell for it. It was all about the thrill; the momentary relief from the torment of his existence.

VIII

“I hate this song!” Wonwoo gritted as John Legend’s “All of Me.” came on the speakers. He was trying to distract Vernon from getting into a ‘deep’ conversation with him. Intimacy was something he feared. 

The blond smiled at him, stepping forward to hold his arms by his sides but Wonwoo simply twisted himself away as if it was just because of the way he expressed himself laughing.

“I hate all sad songs unless it builds to a triumphant theme. Those songs I like, but these…” he scoffed. “It provokes unnecessary emotions as if the purpose in listening to it is just to cry and feel sad. It’s not really a pick-me-up.”

Vernon pursed his lips, nodding in understanding. Then a look of mischief crossed his face.

“Hey, don’t get any idea- what are you doing?” Wonwoo groaned, trying to swat Vernon’s hands away from clamping onto his hips. He even tried shaking his body but the blond’s hands were relentless, not minding the scratches from his nails as they pulled him into the rim of the dance floor. 

“I was just thinking, since you don’t like sad songs, maybe I could change your mind.”

Wonwoo looked down grimly at the other boy’s hands. His lips were pulled tight and his cheeks were hollow. 

“Too late. I’ve already made it up.”

“C’mon Wonu, you don’t want to dance for just one night? You know, as friends?” 

“Friends don’t betray other friends.” Wonwoo said sternly, not moving an inch even as the other boy tried to pull him closer. Vernon noticed the sudden shift in Wonwoo’s gaze and he craned his neck, eyes instantly zeroing in on Seungkwan who had just pushed Jinyoung away.

“So what? What we had doesn’t mean anything now. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if we had been married. All that’s behind us.”

Wonwoo wanted to yell at him.

_ Don’t you have at least an ounce of decency?  _

But instead, he let his face and shoulders relax. Vernon took the opportunity to reel him in as if he were the most exotic fish he caught, slowly and subtly moving his hands all over his body while his eyes raked over the vast expanse that was the black-haired boy’s collarbone. Vernon tried to make the impression that he was just steadying him, although it didn’t work. 

“Can’t you see he’s not over you? Don’t you think he wants to fix things?”

Vernon snorted.

“You talking about when he pushed Jinyoung away? Yeah, he was just playing hard to get. Don’t think he actually was thinking about me when he did that.” the blond said. There was a sharpness to his tone that pricked the skin on Wonwoo’s neck. Vernon’s breath warmed the area, neutralizing the coldness of his necklace. Even as he tried to struggle out of the blond’s grip, he couldn’t help but melt at the feeling.

He always wanted to feel warm. 

Yet the warmth turned into searing hot anger.

“You know this is wrong. And don’t say that it feels good to be bad. I bet it’ll feel good once you see how heartbroken Seungkwan is. Huh?”

Vernon chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he stared down at his feet.

“Haven’t you ever felt right about things that were wrong? Doesn’t it excite you? Doesn’t it make you hot?”

Wonwoo had to fight back a laugh.

“The road to Hell is always hot.” 

Vernon smiled.

“Let’s dance there then. Enjoy the ride with me.” 

“Nice try. I’m going to find Jungk-”

Before he could finish the sentence he saw Jimin and Jungkook slow dancing together, looking as though they were at a royal ball.

Right. He forgot they were together. 

“So you want to dance now?” Vernon persisted, annoyance rising in his voice.

He ignored the question, wanting to stall.

“What did you fight about anyway? Are you trying to get back at him because that would be the most-”

“I like you. That’s why.” 

Wonwoo’s eyes didn’t even widen. He had been expecting Vernon to say it but not so shamelessly and bluntly. Out of all the boys he had met he would have bet his life that Vernon would have said it more tenderly and lovingly. But it was short and straight to the point. He guessed the blond was just tired of all the games. 

He laughed. Vernon probably had less patience than Mingyu. Who would have thought?

“Don’t you remember last night?”

Wonwoo inhaled a breath.

“You were there- in my apartment. But you probably want me to ask ‘why’, don’t you?” he spoke. His tone was defeated. “Do you have to do this to me? Now? I-”

“You can’t wrap your head around the fact that I actually want you?” Vernon chuckled.

He shook his head fervently, crossing his arms as if trying to protect himself from the cold.

“No, that’s not it-”

“Well I like you, just accept it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What?” 

“I don’t want to.” Wonwoo gritted. “You really have to put more weight on my shoulders don’t you? I’m already dealing with Jaehyun, Seungkwan’s upset - and don’t try to deny it.” he snapped. “And now you want me to- I don’t know what you want me to do. Why is it always me that has to  _ want _ and to  _ love _ ?” he said, quivering where he stood.

Why did he have to do all the work  _ accepting, surrendering, giving, praising, loving? _

It was at that moment when his eyes were watering that he saw Mingyu holding Chaeyeon in the center of the dance floor. There was a whole cluster of bodies watching them and trying to mimic their smoothness. It was what he imagined his wedding would be like. He would have thrown flowers at them and smiled if it hadn’t been for the fact that he started to detest them both. 

What was he doing standing there, in their shadow? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to be asked out in front of a football game. But then he realized he already messed up that chance. 

He just had to accept that life wouldn’t give him what he wanted. Perhaps he was just too picky. His parents probably spoiled him too much. He was too used to getting everything he wanted right?

He laughed aloud, causing a few heads to turn towards him in curiosity considering laughing was unusual for a slow dance.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. But I really can’t.”

Vernon furrowed his brows, wondering if the black-haired boy would have another psychotic episode.

Before he could ask Wonwoo if he was feeling alright someone popped a balloon in the corner of the ball room. It wasn’t that close to where they were standing but the sound traveled far, making Wonwoo jump up and shriek. 

The black-haired boy chuckled uncontrollably as if he were being electrocuted. 

“Sorry-” he said through the clattering of his teeth. “It’s just my nerves.”

Vernon could only let out a shocked breath.

“Uh- you want some punch. Maybe it’s like tea. Calm you down, you know.” Vernon smiled sheepishly, handing him the cup. 

“No.” He snapped. “What if you laced it with something?” 

Vernon frowned.

“Why the hell would I do that? Now c’mon, just take a sip. You’ve barely had anything to drink all night. It’s probably why you’re sweating.”

“I am?” Wonwoo breathed, feeling his face. “Why the hell did you have to tell me that? Now everyone’s looking at me!” 

“If you keep your voice down they won’t.” Vernon retorted, shoving the cup in Wonwoo’s face.

“I can’t- I can’t drink in front of people.” 

“Why?” Vernon asked. Wonwoo was getting crazier each second.

“I just don’t want to! What are you doing standing there and staring at me like that?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong. C’mon let’s go outside and get some fresh air. You probably hate slow dances am I right?” the blond chuckled.

“No! Are you crazy?” Wonwoo hissed. “If I leave everyone’s going to think I have some issue. You have to take their eyes off me. Do something.” he whispered frantically. His head darted all over the place, preparing to warn off anyone who was looking at him. 

“They’re not staring at you. You’re fine.” Vernon groaned. 

“That really helps.” Wonwoo scoffed, his voice becoming low and strained. “All you’ve ever done is helped me haven’t you?” 

“Wonwoo-”

“Get away from me. You just had to make the situation worse! You’re one of the reasons why I feel like shouting to the world that I hate it. I hate it so much. I can’t take it anymore. Why- why do you all conspire against me like this? You know I’m just a balloon full of hot air. I could be popped at one touch of a needle. And yet you all still treat me as if I’m some cold hard stone that could never be hurt. As if I don’t have feelings. That i’m just some android who will follow your commands and love you back without any standards. As if I could take everything you throw at me, be crushed under your feet, whatever the hell you do make it harder for me. If this is the cost of love and friendship, I don’t want anything to do with it. You all make loneliness the best feeling in the world. Finally, I’m free!” he laughed over his sobbing, pushing Vernon back as he ran away. 

Watching as Vernon’s smile faltered was painful, but seeing Mingyu smirk at him and shake his head was worse. It was as if he had been cast off with one look. It made him angry surprisingly. Much more angry than sad, even with John Legend’s song still playing. 

IX

The last thing Jaehyun heard was Vernon shouting for Wonwoo to come back, even if he looked like a fool as he did it. It was like the whole room had fallen silent. Like the ballroom had morphed into a theater and they were watching some Shakesperian tragedy.

He couldn’t hear any of the whispers or gasps as Wonwoo ran through the crowd as he blocked out every sound and sensation, focusing in on the black-haired boy’s back getting smaller and smaller before he disappeared out the door. Luckily he used the parting crowd to his advantage, following right behind him like a car to a passing ambulance. 

He didn’t grin nor did he fist bump the air at the thought of finally getting the opportunity to sweep Wonwoo off his feet. He rather looked as though he was taking part in a funeral march, walking with heavy footsteps towards the door. He was on a mission not a chase. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t speed it up a little. Vernon may have been far behind them, trying to get through the crowd of people but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a race. 

______________

“Something Cool” - June Christy

2:25 - 5:09

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn8EtaxGJP0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn8EtaxGJP0)

______________

  
  


X

Wonwoo wasn’t really thinking when he was running. Of course, it was unusual for him to not know where he was going. It felt as though it was the perfect time for some loud orchestra to be playing or ringing in his ear. He could almost hear the xylophone and drums clinking and rumbling over the sound of his frantic steps patting the dark and wet asphalt of the parking lot. 

The cold burned his throat, especially since he didn’t have anything to drink. His eyes stung as the water in them froze in the wind while his face was scorched by the cold. He welcomed the pain on his face, it was a distraction from the clenching in his chest. 

He got to the small patch of forest at the end of the parking lot. Turning back to look at the campus, he felt as though he had just run a mile. The building glowed a bright yellow, the ballroom lights seeping through the vertical glass window panes. Looking at it now, he found himself appreciating the dark and seclusion the tree canopies brought him, like a corner he could stand in, or a room that he could have all to himself. Perhaps he had been locked in his room for so long that he didn’t know what the real world was like. A shame he had to find out like this. He couldn’t even enjoy nature. Everything felt weird to him. 

He continued on the path through the trees, the same path they all took yesterday to see the fight. Unlike yesterday, the sky served as a dark blue background to the black outlines of the trees which swayed in the wind. The rustling of the leaves did something to him. Their movement was- they were always moving. 

The wind brought the sound of cars from across the ocean and he could see straight ahead the radiant light from the city, illuminating the fog settling in. It made him think.

Here he was, feeling as though his world had ended yet out there, in the real world, millions were smiling, not to mention, millions more were going about their daily routine. As he wept, how many people were playing a board game with their family, or doing something as mundane as getting gas for their car. Life still went on. While music and the words of his friends could assure him that he’d be alright, it was the view of the city that really got to him. It was not because he felt small or insignificant, it was because he knew there was still so much to do and to live for.

He grinned like a child as the entirety of New York City’s skyline came into view at the edge of the forest. It was the symbol of man’s greatness, of his achievement. Why the hell was he feeling sorry for himself when he should have been basking in the light of greatness.

It made him so happy he wanted to sing. Even if he wasn’t proud of his voice much less willing to utter a single word, he took in a breath and raised his chin, staring at the skyline in awe from the highest point on the pathway. 

His fingers fumbled with the chain wrapped around his stomach. He was nervous about anyone being near but he shrugged it off, wanting to relax for a while. He closed his eyes, letting the air in his chest come out slow and smoothly.

“ _ I'll bet you couldn't imagine _

_ That I one time had a house _

_ With so many rooms I couldn't count em all. _

_ I'll bet you couldn't imagine _

_ I had fifteen different beaus _

_ Who would beg and beg to take me to the ball _

_ And I'll bet you couldn't picture me _

_ The time I went to Paris in the Fall _

_ And who would think  _

_ the man I loved was quite so handsome _

_ Quite so tall? _

_ Well it's true,  _

_ It's just a memory I have,  _

_ One I almost forgot _

_ 'Cause the weather's so hot. _

_ And I'm feeling so bad  _

_ About a date _

_ Oh wait! _

_ I'm such a fool _

_ He's just a guy _

_ Who's stopped to buy me _

_ Somethin cool.” _

His shoulders collapsed in a final sigh as he clasped his hands together in front of him, giving the view of the skyline one last smile before turning on the balls of his feet. Yet before he could even look down to take the step, the harsh and intrusive noise of clapping spooked him, causing him to spin around as if someone had blasted a megaphone in his ears. 

He didn’t have time to wonder if the clapping came from two hands or four but the sight behind him confirmed his suspicions. 

“Hey there princess.” Changkyun smiled. He lifted a hand but didn’t wave it, extending it in the air as a greeting. Though it definitely wasn’t a sign of peace.

Wonho only cracked a grin, putting his two hands in his pockets as he put one foot forward on the boulder he was standing on.

His breath hitched even more as he realized the two were spread out enough on the dirt path to block him if he tried to run past them. They looked as though they were about to pull a knife out on him. 

“You got one hell of a voice. I’d like to hear you scream for me.” Changkyun continued, stepping forward slowly. 

It was at that moment that he finally realized just how dangerous the two were. Back when Mingyu had stopped them from harassing him, the two seemed like buffoonish stooges who couldn’t spell each other’s names even with their two brains combined. Of course he didn’t think that now. The two were like clever hyenas. They must have followed him, knowing he was alone.

“What do you want?” he snapped, not at all afraid of what they were going to do to him, at least, for his own sake. He was much more afraid that they’d be his ‘first time’ and not Mingyu. As crazy as it sounded, it was true. 

“I thought you were smart Wonu. You know what we’re gonna do.” 

“You can try.” Wonwoo glared at them. His arms came out to his sides as if he was signaling to them that he could throw a punch. But it was really just a cover so he could find a way to escape. If he could step over all of the sharp and slippery rocks, he could flee down to the other end of the beach. He would just have to run faster than them. Or he could try and take one of them by surprise and then blast past them. Looking at his own bony arms he guessed it wasn’t a good idea.

“And you can try to leave but we won’t let you. If you get down on your knees right now maybe we’ll go easy on you.” Wonho chimed in, jumping off from the boulder and landing rather loudly on the pebbles below. 

“Why?” he gritted, looking at them as if they just slapped him in the face for no reason. 

“Why?” Changkyun asked, as if he didn’t hear it right. “Are you fucking kidding me Wonwoo? You’ve obviously never looked at yourself in the mirror.”

“Why now? Why not earlier?” he asked, stalling for time. He wished he had a safety whistle but with the way the two were stalking towards him, he doubted he’d be able to make a sound without them grabbing it from him.

“Let’s just say we planned our revenge.” Changkyun replied.

“And we know how much Jaehyun and Mingyu like you. Even if Mingyu won’t admit. We thought it would be kinda nice to ruin you before any of them could.”

“Fuck.” Changkyun grimaced in pleasure. “Imagine the look on their faces when they find out the princess here is actually a dirty cockslut.” 

“That’d be the biggest fucking shock of the century.” Wonho snickered, eyeing his body up and down. 

“I’m kinda honored that Wonwoo wore this for us. It’s really turning me on. Maybe next time he could wear lace for us.” 

He couldn’t believe they were having a casual conversation in front of him. But then again, he felt as though his own rape was nothing of any significance. He had already been cast as meat to the dogs. He was just waiting for the whole school to show up and watch for entertainment. 

A few seconds later he felt hands gripping both of his arms, holding him up stiffly as Wonho and Changkyun took turns slapping him from behind. 

“I’ve been waiting to do this forever.” Wonho chuckled, biting his lips. 

He hoped they enjoyed themselves. It was tough to admit it but he felt ready to kill a man with his bare hands.

Luckily he didn’t have to. Although it wasn’t a stroke of fate that Jaehyun just happened to show up behind them, chest heaving and fists clenched as he stared down at them in rage, he felt as though miracles were true. 

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say, he simply bolted down the slope of the path, not even making much of a sound. 

Wonho and Changkyun didn’t know what hit them. It was as if a noiseless phantom had brushed against them in the wind before they felt hands clutching their necks, ripping them off their victim.

All Wonwoo heard was the sound of Jaehyun’s sporadic footsteps against the pebbles and dirt on the ground. Then he could hear both his assailants take a tumble, being thrown onto the harsh and rocky soil at the edge of the path. One would have expected him to already be shivering from the cold since all he wore was a crop top, but only then did he start shivering, realizing what could have happened to him. He could have laughed at the irony; a boy who tried to rape him was now saving him. 

Jaehyun could have been soothing his own ego at most, and attempting to wash away the guilt for doing something noble at least. But where was the true nobility in that? It was an empty display of obedience to duty or what one would call ‘the right thing to do’. That was no more meaningful than following one’s own whims. 

He could have hoped that whatever Jaehyun would say to him after would assure him that he meant well and truly loved him. But he couldn’t care either way. No matter what Jaehyun did to him or for him, he would never love the boy. That’s not how love worked. Not for him. Making him smile or blush was nothing compared to making him collapse on his legs in admiration for a true hero of the soul.

What was his body anyways but a mere puppet of physical and earthly forces? Wonho and Changkyun could have raped him for all he cared, but he wouldn’t let that get to him. His arms could have been restrained and his mouth could have been gagged, but his mind would still be free. It’s all he had. He could never give it up unless there was a man strong and brave enough to earn the right to him. To take it from him in such a way that it almost seemed like a true violation. But only in a form that seemed so wicked could pure and genuine good emerge. 

For all he knew, it did not emerge when Jaehyun arrived. Although that didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful for the athlete’s presence.

He tried to express it but he couldn’t move his head nor his lips. They were frozen as if he were in a catatonic state, still shivering as if his head was about to pop off and all his gears and springs were going to let loose. 

Jaehyun finished the last round of punches for each of his former buddies, making sure blood came out their noses and mouths before he finally stopped. As gruesome as it was, Wonwoo didn’t even cover his ears or shield his eyes. He just stood there, staring at the stones on the ground in front of him. It wasn’t until Jaehyun said his name through his heavy breaths, narrowing his eyes.

“You okay?”

The question made him internally laugh. Not so much so because he was hysterical. Who wouldn’t be?

Yet the way Jaehyun asked the question and considering how short and blunt it was made him beam inside. It was like Jaehyun knew he was the hardest stone out there and could take anything. It was more of a gesture of politeness that Jaehyun asked it, knowing he was alright.

He hugged himself, wondering if they managed to bruise him during the struggle. He didn’t really put up much of a fight. Wonho and Changkyun didn’t deserve a fight from him. He always was dependent on the heroism of men, no matter how unheroic they were under their capes.

He grimaced from the cold, clenching his teeth. They glowed in the moonlight as the hem of his crop top fluttered in the wind. He closed his eyes as he chuckled to himself. It looked as though he was in pain almost.

He thought of repeating the question to himself out loud but thanks to his own hysteria Jaehyun’s voice was repeated over and over again as if it were an echo. 

He smiled gleefully, making himself smaller as he hugged his stomach.

“Do you really want to know?” 

XI

“Finally.” Mingyu grunted. “Can I have some of that ass now?” he smirked, grabbing Chaeyeon forcefully as the slow dance ended. 

She let out a long and tired sigh, pushing on his chest.

“Not until we get back to my house. My mom will be out with her friends by then.”

“I don’t give a fuck if your mom hears us. Makes it hotter actually.” he winked. 

“What was in that punch you drank hmmmm?” Chaeyeon giggled, putting an acrylic nail on the edge of her lip. He didn’t care about lipstick but he zoned in on her lips more, trying to bring himself to actually want to kiss them.

It didn’t work of course.

“You ever date a guy before? That’s all we want.” he chuckled. 

“You don’t want true love?” 

“Maybe when I’m forty.” he snorted.

“I didn’t know you were this bad.” she said in delighted disbelief, stepping back to consider whether she was ready to let him take her.

“Yeah, well I met someone who brought out something different in me. Guess I was just hiding the bad side temporarily.” 

She hummed.

“I guess we all hide things from people who we admire and want respect from. Is that why you’re being so open with me? To the point of being blunt and shameless. You don’t have any respect for me do you?” she giggled. Chaeyeon couldn’t care less about those things. So long as he could give it to her good-

“You’re right about that. Didn’t know a slut like you could figure it out. Fuck, I didn’t even know it until you said it.” he snickered, bringing his face closer to hers as their bodies swayed to some pop song from the radio. 

“Maybe you’re just as smart as Wonwoo.” he smirked, teasing her. 

“Don’t even mention his name. You really like pretty boys don’t you? You probably get a kick out of it that he’s prettier than most women.”

Mingyu shook his head, grinning.

“I’ve only liked one. But the last part is true.” 

“So you don’t want me?” Chaeyeon said, unsurprised but mockingly offended. 

“Do I want you?” he arched a brow. “No. Never have, never will. But I'll tell you that I hate you. I hate you enough to fuck you if that makes you happy.” 

“Trust me, it does. How much do you hate me?” Chaeyeon whispered, looking up at him as if she were already on her knees.

“I hate you enough that I’d spit on your face and leave you ruined, all soaking wet for me.” he whispered back, holding her chin.

“Gyu- you’re making me-”

“You’re just a fucking whore. Did you know that?” he said, his eyes filled with contempt but he said it as if he wanted her. It was an illusion she fell for. She had always wanted to be wanted.

“Y-yes Mingyu. Show me how much you hate me and I’ll show you.”

“You go first babe.” he chuckled, letting his hands graze her arms as she turned around to lean into his chest. It was perfect timing too as Chris Brown’s “Go Crazy” came on, making everyone excited. If only he could feel genuine excitement. It wasn’t the puppyish excitement he felt when Wonwoo used to say hi to him or just from merely seeing him each day. It was much more of a perverse craze for release that he felt when their bodies met. It wasn’t the warmth that came from love and affection, but from the heat of his arousal. It wasn’t comforting at all. It only burned.

XII

“Where the hell is Wonu?” Jungkook demanded, unlocking his arm from Jimin as he strode up to confront Vernon. “Did you really blow your chances that quick? Did you not take enough breath mints or something?”

Vernon swallowed, still panting from running outside.

“How’d you know I-”

“You were staring at him like he was a piece of meat. You knew it was wrong too, didn’t you?”

The blond shrugged.

“Because of Seungkwan? Sure, I guess. Say it’s wrong or whatever you want to call it. All that matters right now is that Wonwoo left and I can’t find him. I went outside but I don’t know which direction he ran off to. Jimin did you lock your car.”

“Yeah. He wouldn’t be able to get in.”

“I didn’t see him in the parking lot either. Maybe he went to another part of the campus.”

Jungkook gritted his teeth.

“We could speculate all day. If anything, he went to the library. He’s the type to calm himself down with books, that is, if you really screwed up that bad.” the other boy chuckled, although it was to calm his own self down. The thought of Wonwoo ‘missing’ still didn’t sit right with him.

“Anyone wanna try calling him.” Jimin said bluntly. “It’s just a thought.”

Jungkook giggled.

“You’re so cute when you’re rude.” 

The older blond blushed furiously.

“Let’s just find your friend first. Then you can be you.”

“Alright, you’re not getting this tonight if you keep it up Jiminie.” 

His boyfriend noticeably gulped. Meanwhile Vernon’s face paled.

“Oh relax two you, I was just kidding. The crap that comes out of Wonwoo’s mouth has been rubbing off on me. Maybe I will wait till marriage. You have to propose to me first of course.” Jungkook smiled, putting his hands below Jimin’s shoulders as he leaned into him. 

“I’ll propose to you after we find Wonwoo. How’s that sound?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like a plan, if I were really that unimportant to you.” Jungkook sighed dramatically.

Vernon coughed.

“Okay guys, Wonwoo’s probably read all the books in the library by now. I’m glad to see you guys hitting it off so well but we don’t want him to get any smarter than us now do we?”

Jungkook arched a brow, stepping to the side so he could lead Jimin out the door by his hand.

“You’re funny Chwe. It kinda sucks. Wonwoo rejected you.”

Vernon could only shrug.

“Yeah. It kinda does.”

“Oh, well.” Jungkook chuckled, patting his head. “It’s okay. You’ll find someone. Preferably Seungkwan.” 

Vernon started walking towards the door, granting Jungkook a lopsided smile.

“Maybe if he comes crawling back to me.”

“So he dumped you?” Jungkook frowned.

“You could say that.” 

“Sucks.” Jimin let out, stepping in front of Jungkook to clear a path for him. 

Just as the latter was about to try and come up with a solution to Vernon’s problems, shouting and cheering from the left interrupted his thoughts. They faced a wave of bodies closing in on them as the entire room seemed to notice what was going on in the center and moved closer to get a better look. Luckily he didn’t need to go into the center to see what was happening. 

As they walked towards the door he could see Mingyu and Chaeyeon grinding on each other through the gaps between people’s heads. It made him sick. Jimin stopped, noticing he was occupied with something. Vernon realized no one was following him and turned around as well. 

All Jungkook could do was stand there, watching the spectacle.

At least Wonwoo hadn’t been there to see it.

“Jimin-” he said, lacking the ability to say anything more. He felt like voicing his anger and growling like an animal but all he did was choke on a sob. It was like he was Wonwoo in that moment. It was probably the first time he ever felt true empathy for a person

“I know.” his boyfriend said lowly, hugging him in the middle of dancing bodies who were cheering and telling Chaeyeon to twerk. He could hear some of the guys on the football team egging on Mingyu to bend her over. Once the team erupted in howls, he knew that’s when the football player gave them what they asked for and he looked at Mingyu with utter disdain and hatred as the guy basically dry humped Chaeyeon. 

“Jimin- I want to fucking kill him right now. You have to hold me back- I swear I’ll kill-” Jungkook sobbed, rubbing his eyes with one hand as his boyfriend grabbed the other, pulling him back. 

“We have to find Wonwoo, remember?”

“Wonwoo would want us to beat him up right now. He’s probably fine. He can wait can’t he? We’ll never get a chance like this. We can humiliate that bastard in front of everyone. I’ll show him. Trust me. He’ll never hurt W-“

“Jungkook.” Jimin growled, spinning his boyfriend around so that their foreheads were touching. “I’ve only known Wonwoo for two days and I can tell you that’s not what he would want. Don’t you want to be with your friend right now?” 

He sniffled as he considered what Jimin had to say. His fingers came up to play with the collar of Jimin’s white dress shirt and he finally nodded in understanding, looking down, ashamed of himself for being so crude and reckless. 

“Sorry.” He said to the both of them, turning to look at Vernon. “I got distracted.” 

Vernon shrugged and cracked a grin. 

“I know what you mean.” 

______________

The Way I Are 

\- Timbaland ft. Keri Hilson

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbVAGWa-gSs ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbVAGWa-gSs)

______________

XIII

Chaeyeon made it clear that she wasn’t going to go into the men’s restroom to do it with him. It didn’t really matter. The janitor’s closet was close but out of the way enough that barely anyone would see them. It wasn’t like he cared about his friends teasing him in the morning about it. He was more worried about the dance’s chaperones spotting them and interrupting him before he could release. He didn’t spend the whole night dancing with Chaeyeon not to get out all the stress that had been building up.

He had to admit though. There was a side to him that felt proud that he was able to make Chaeyeon fold like paper and cave to his demands. Even after everything about waiting until they got home or wanting to have fun dancing, Chaeyeon couldn’t resist the feeling he gave her, especially after finding out just how big he was through the fabric of his pants. 

He tried to make himself grow even more at the sight of her body swaying from side to side as she walked in front of him, but of course it didn’t work. The only reason he was hard was because she had been pressed up against him and triggered a reaction. None of it was truly arousal. Just a desire for release. And Chaeyeon wasn’t the easiest outlet available. Although the pride he felt was shallow. It wasn’t because he scored a lay with Chaeyeon because she was Chaeyeon, but because she was just another girl he could add to his record. 

Reaching over Chaeyeon’s head and pulling open the door was probably the most chivalrous thing he had done in a while, but I was only because he could push her inside and start undressing her faster. 

The door closed softly behind them with the polished wood clicking into place, shrouding the whole room in darkness. Over the rustling of their clothes and the unbuckling of his belt, they could still hear the low beating of the music. He internally laughed. It was funny how the song was perfect for the moment. 

He would have kept the lights off because he was too ashamed to watch her go down on him. But the need to justify himself was too powerful. They may have picked the most secluded area in the whole building but that didn’t mean no one else had to know. The more people knew he was over Wonwoo, the more he could get over him right?

He shook off the nervous feeling lingering on his shoulders and whipped out his phone, turning the flashlight on. 

“Stick your tongue out.” he ordered her, grinning when she complied. 

“Yeah, that’s it. You look so pretty for me baby. Can’t wait to see my cum dripping from your face.”

“Please. Can I?” she whined. 

He scowled as he felt her hands wrap around his arousal. Every time she looked down at it he felt as though he was just as pathetic as her. 

At least he was the one who had the camera. It made him feel the least bit of control. 

“You have to beg for it slut. Fuck.” he laughed. “You can’t even grab my cock with both hands.”

“I can- I can still-” she tried but he grabbed her cheek. 

“Slap your face with it and maybe I’ll give you what you want.”

She did as he told her to but it wasn’t enough.

“Fucking slut. Do you not know how to smile for the camera?” he snickered.

Chaeyeon rolled her eyes as he pushed her hair back.

“Fuck, that’s hot. Why don’t you kiss the tip for me?”

He groaned.

“I could shoot right now if you keep it up baby girl.” he chuckled.

They were really all lies but saying them made it seem as if they could be brought into existence. Just like saying her name would make her more real than Wonwoo was in his head.

“Chae.” he groaned. “How the fuck were you still single?”

She unlatched her mouth from him, letting out a heavy breath. 

“I got tired of them.” she said quickly, letting out a pop from her lips before going back to what she was doing. His large hands came around to push her head towards him, trying to get off at the popping sound she made. He tried to suppress the thought of the black hair between his fingers being Wonwoo’s but his imagination was working overtime. Probably because his mind wanted to finish up as soon as possible so he could get the hell out of there. But he was going to stay. He didn’t want to ever face Wonwoo again, not after everything he did. 

“So big.” he heard her muffled voice say from below. 

“Keep talking babe. I want to hear you fucking choke on my cock. Biggest you ever had right?”

She nodded.

“You know I’m not fully hard. You’re gonna have to work harder than that.” he chuckled, using his thumb to wipe away a tear from her cheek.

For extra effect he let his head fall back as he felt her put more effort into sucking him off, forgetting about the camera.

He just wanted to feel good.

And like the good sinner he was, there was no point in backing up and walking back to square one. He was already going to Hell wasn’t he?

That’s how hard he made love to her. Like he knew he was going to hell and was going to live his life. Though it wasn’t really living nor was it loving. And he knew that. But he was too caught up in the momentary pleasure of escape to realize. 

He guessed that was what his life was. 

Having sex in a closet.

No matter how many girls he added to his count and slept with, or how many guys on the football team that he could put down and eliminate from the competition, he would never be a true king. 

XIV

“Wonwoo?” Jaehyun said, breaking the silence. Despite the loud groans of Wonho and Changkyun who were clutching their stomachs and heads, all he could hear was his name being called.

_ Wonwoo. _

_ Wonwoo. _

_ Wonwoo. _

A second later, Jaehyun whipped around and sucker punched Changkyun in the face as the guy tried to get back up. The force of Jaehyun’s fist sent the other boy sliding across the ground, his jeans and jersey becoming all muddy. 

Changkyun didn’t even let out a cry of pain, just a wet ‘humph’ as the saliva in his mouth shot out from the punch. 

Wonwoo flinched at the sound of the boy’s head meeting the ground in a loud ‘crunch’ but for some reason he was even more frightened by the fact that Jaehyun turned back to face him, his hands still clenched by his sides.

“Wonwoo, are you going to answer me?” he said angrily although it wasn’t searing or concentrated rage. The football player pulled out his phone and began to dial a three-digit number by the sound of it.

All he could do was narrow his eyes in confusion, holding his pounding head. It was funny because he didn’t even have anything to drink. 

“Hello?” Jaehyun said, holding the phone against his ear.

“Yeah. Two guys just assaulted my friend. They’re out cold right now but they won’t be for long.” 

In the corner of his eye he saw the football player nod.

“Alright, thanks.”

He managed to collect himself and his eyes softened to the point of looking as though he was in contempt of something, like he didn’t know what he was doing there. 

“Who’d you call? Your mafia friends?”

He said it with an attitude, craning his neck to see Jaehyun chuckle.

“No. I called 911. Plus I don’t belong to a mafia.”

“My father’s business is enough of a qualification.” he snorted.

Jaehyun was still grinning.

“Well, I hoped I proved to you that I’m a good apple. I’m not totally rotten.”

“For the record that doesn’t mean you're a good apple. It just means you're not totally rotten. You sound more like a salesman than an architect. I should talk to father about you. Perhaps - just to groom your ego - I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“You really do like me then.” Jaehyun smirked.

“No. But I think I’ll take pleasure in building you up so tall and proud that when you come crashing down all the work and effort I put into such a project would be completely outweighed by the satisfaction of seeing you destroyed. You know as they say, twice the pride.... double the fall.”

“Someone’s a little sadistic.”

His eyebrows perked up and his face muscles fell lax as he moved the rest of his body to face Jaehyun, holding his cheeks. 

“Oh.” He said breathily. “Sorry. I- I meant to say thank you.” he giggled. He looked down at the rocks before him, separating the sand of the beach from the dirt pathway they walked on. His eyes crinkled every other second as if he were trying to wake up from a nightmare. Only in his nightmares would Jaehyun be a hero.

“Have you gone insane?” Jaehyun began, but before Wonwoo could furrow his brows in even more confusion, the football player closed the distance between them, standing to face the side of his body.

“Don’t you want to slap me?” he chuckled, keeping his hands by his sides and expecting Wonwoo to narrow his eyes and bring his hand back to swing it at him.

But nothing came.

“Now why would I do that?” he giggled once more, curling his fingers and bringing them up to hide a part of his face. “You aren’t flirting with me are you?” he hiccuped. 

Jaehyun arched a brow.

“Now I know for sure that you’re insane.”

“Insane? What does that mean? Simply that the number of sane people outnumber those who they condemn. If the majority of the world population wasn’t sane, who would be insane then?”

“Good point. But I want to know what’s gotten into you. You seem more delicate.” he teased, although there was some intent and truth behind his words. 

“Not that I don’t like your fragile beauty, I mean- it’s just that- you’ve always had something to you. I feel like you lost something. I don’t see it when I look at you.”

Wonwoo’s eye twitched as he tried to wrap his head around every sentence that came out of the older boy’s mouth. It was as if Jaehyun was speaking another language.

“It must be these clothes I’m wearing. You see, they aren’t me.” he smiled, fumbling with the hem of his shirt.”

Jaehyun seemed to do more than notice what he was wearing, causing something to stir within him.

He let out a scoff.

“Whatever. I shouldn’t have made you look. How can I trust you to pay attention to me when I’m speaking when you can’t even keep your eyes to yourself?” he spat, twisting his torso from side to side to alleviate his stress. It only made Jaehyun admire the litheness of his body even more.

The football player put his hands in his back pockets, raising his line of sight back to the black-haired boy’s cold but fiery eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re asking that question right now.” he chuckled. 

“I’m just surprised you aren’t angry. You were angry a minute ago but now you’re fine. What’s going on with you? I don’t think it’s because you want me back, is it?” 

Wonwoo stopped moving around, crossing his arms and holding his cheek with one hand. 

“I don’t want anything now. And if it makes you feel better, I won’t bother tampering with your career. Any goal I set for myself I now realize that I’m setting myself up for failure.”

“You really believe that?” 

He frowned.

“Why do you say it as though I had a choice? Can’t you see? The world has imprinted itself on my heart.” he said, extending his hand out to the ocean for theatrical effect. “I’m doomed to fail. But I still have a choice. To die fighting and on my knees, or to die silently, only with the sound of life’s sword coming out of its sheath as life prepares to behead me. Which one shall I choose? Which one will life grant me? Will he meet me on the battlefield or in the arena for my execution? So long as I close my eyes, neither glory or humiliation can taint me. There is no glory or humiliation after death. Will my last dying breath be the one where the life is sucked out of me, or will it be a breath of relief? Thank you, sir. For your coming and rescuing me.” He said softly, giggling at the end. “But all you have done is prolonged my misery.” 

Jaehyun furrowed his brows.

“Wonwoo?” He let out. His face was hard and stern. 

“Are you out of your mind? 

He said it as if he were about to punish him for it, almost like he was angry. 

Wonwoo shook his head fervently, clutching it with his fingers.

“How do you think I’m supposed to act? You aren’t supposed to be here!” 

“Look. I-”

“I would rather have been left alone than have you here!” he sobbed.

Jaehyun’s shoulders fell.

“Wonwoo. I know that no matter what I do, I’ll always be a scumbag. But I love you. I- I wanted to save you!” 

He shook his head. Slowly this time.

“That’s not what I meant.” he sniffled.

Mingyu was supposed to be the one who saved him. 

Just then, the blue lights of a police car flashed against the trees. Moments later the clinking of belt buckles and handcuffs came jingling down the pathway as the officers arrested the still unconscious Wonho and Changkyun.

Jaehyun came to his side and wrapped his arms around him, protecting him from the cold. With the way he had been crying, the officers thought it was obviously because he had almost been raped. Of course, there was more to it than that. But Jaehyun took all of the opportunities he could get to plant a kiss on top of his forehead as he hugged him. 

XV

They finished in the dark with the camera flashing only one more time, revealing her face stained by the essence of his manhood.

It was the only time he actually smiled, even if it was derisive and cruel. From the center her dripping countenance, his eyes wandered to the bruises he made sure to leave on her collarbone and neck, not caring if they were easy to cover up or not. He didn’t want them to be. Heck, he wouldn’t even care if she came out with his cum all over her face. The best part was how it smudged her eyeliner with streams of it strung across her dark locks of hair. 

Her features were all too familiar. There was a small ounce of resemblance, just enough to make him think he’d never get over Wonwoo. In the light of the camera Chaeyeon looked like a dead corpse at a crime scene. The pictures he took looked like a serial killer took them to taunt his enemies. She was lifeless. Just like he promised her, he had fucked her stupid. 

_ Dumb slut. _

She had looked at his manhood as if she were sucking a lollipop half-awake. Like she had done it so many times before she could do it with her eyes closed. It was ingrained in her memory; she had been conditioned to perform such acts; the product of social forces whether it be peer pressure or shame. And just like a doll he had flung her around, picked her up, or slammed her against the wall all the while she begged for him. He liked to think it had been Wonwoo begging for him; crawling back to him; saying he needed him. 

He glared at the wall on the other end of the room, replaying all of the week's events. When he looked down at Chaeyeon, he glared even harder. He was disgusted. 

She wasn’t Wonwoo. What the hell was he doing there anyways? He was insulted just to be in the same room as her. Scowling, he swabbed his fingers across her cheek and held it in front of her mouth.

“Suck.”

He let out a pretentious breath as he watched her lips try to wrap around two of his fingers. After being in there for a half an hour, having her suck his fingers was just the cherry on top; a kick of power he got from seeing her so obedient and pliant. 

“Clean yourself up slut. Or do you want all those guys out there to know you just got fucked by the champ?” 

She let out a laugh although it was faint.

“I thought I would have taken all of the arrogance out of you but I guess I only made it worse.”

He smirked.

“You think fucking you was something I’m proud about?”

Chaeyeon choked on a breath, wiping off her face and spraying her perfume around her neck. 

“You really are conceited.” 

“I know.” 

“If it weren’t for all these girls falling for you, you’d have nothing at all. I bet Wonwoo would still love you. He’s more of a whore than I am just for that. You know it.”

He merely chuckled.

“I think someone’s jealous.” 

“Jealous of that twig? Sure. Why not?” she humphed, brushing past him as he held open the door for her.

“You know.” she continued, smiling this time. “It does something to me when you act like a gentleman. Not that I care for gentlemen. But you’re so dirty behind the curtain. I wonder if Wonwoo knows.” she said, trailing her polished fingernail down from his collar to the midway point of his tie.

An expression of deviant imagination crossed her face.

“What if he found out what we did in there? You think he would still love you?” 

“Probably.”

She only giggled. 

“You’re so bad Gyu. I don’t even want to call you that name because it’s too cute for someone like you.” Chaeyeon smiled.

“Maybe next time you can call me daddy. How’s that sound?”

XVI

It had been a while since he had anything to drink that wasn’t punch or soda. Yugyeom and Mark declined his offers as did Chaeyeon’s friend Somi. Mina and Baekhyun were eager to let loose and agreed to ditch the dance with them. He remembered the jealous look Chaeyeon gave him when he grinned and applauded her friend for taking risks. Yugyeom and Mark looked disappointed in him, thinking that his goal to get smashed at every party was something only from his high school years. They turned their backs to him, focusing on their dates while he stood there like a fool, asking a couple of losers if they wanted to do what only cool kids could do. Hence why he and Chaeyeon decided to tag along with the rest of the football team who were already walking out the door. 

The dance would have been nice if he was still in middle school. But he couldn’t have fun without alcohol. He enjoyed receiving curious looks from the rest of the student body as they passed by. Some of them probably wished they could come, others watched them with disdain for going out to party and drink rather than study. Whether it was love from the crowd or their envious hatred, he liked both. After all, he was the shark that swam through a school of fish.

He chuckled to himself as a few of his classmates raised their plastic cups at him.

“Have fun Kim. We better see you in class Monday.” they warned playfully.

“Yeah I’ll think about it. I might be busy.” he retorted, patting Chaeyeon on her behind as he smirked at the group. 

They flinched as they witnessed it, erupting in laughter.

“Aye!”

“See ya. Don’t knock anyone up guys.” Mingyu said, saluting them. 

“Yeah, thanks.” one of them scoffed, knowing they couldn’t even get a girl to notice them. 

He and Chaeyeon caught up with the group as they reached the lobby. Only then did he realize just how much of a champ he really was. Other than Baekhyun, he was the only one there with a date. Obviously his teammates were trying to score ones when they shouted and howled for the cheerleaders to come with them. They clearly weren’t brave enough to ask anyone out when they were sober. 

Before going to the ‘special place’ they made a pit stop at the parking lot. He was in a daze too much to understand what was really going on. It was what happened when he went for round after round nonstop with Chaeyeon. That and he wasn’t really thinking he just wanted to get smashed after all. He was lucky because no one around him could blame him. They all shared the same  _ one _ brain cell. 

For a second he thought they were going to have a tailgate party with all of their pickup trucks but it turned out Bambam and the others were just getting the cases of beer they brought. 

Even if he wasn’t feeling his best, he still took two of the cases with ease, lugging them out of Bambam’s trunk and holding them by his sides. With Chaeyeon next to him laughing about something stupid with Mina it felt like that day a while back where he first met her. It wasn’t at all romantic and he didn’t even want to remember. It was like his mind just wanted to torture him, reminding him of the days when there had been nothing between him and Wonwoo except a petty misunderstanding. Yet it was like the Devil had used the opportunity to slip through the cracks. From the tiniest gap in the sidewalk with moss growing out of it, it was like the Devil had caused a mudslide. He internally shrugged to himself as they started walking. He might as well ride that mudslide down to hell anyways. 

It turned out that they called the ‘special place’ the Hill. He wasn’t surprised to find out that it was in the small stretch of woods near the beach. All they had to do was walk a little more up the slope that he had fought Seungcheol on. 

As he dug his shoes into the ground he couldn’t help but smirk. It felt like it was more than sacred ground; consecrated by booze and blunts. It had been marked by the bruises he had given Seungcheol. And to think the guy was two years ahead of him. It was like the Hill had already been his territory even before he had set foot on it. And as he reached the summit, he felt as though he was the king. Even with how cliche it sounded, it was like the land he stood on was his. Nothing could take that away. The world would always be there. 

Except for the fact that he wouldn’t himself. After he chugged down a few bottles of beer he doubted he’d still be there  _ on earth. _ Yet why escape from his own kingdom? It was his, wasn't it? He was the top dog wasn’t he? 

He snorted.

They were all dogs. 

Looking around him, he saw a few of his teammates pushing each other around as they bickered about who was better at what, or who got laid more than who. At the end of the day it all wouldn’t matter. He hoped the same went for the thought of Wonwoo. After all it was only a thought.

“Hey, who wants a fireball?” Bambam shouted, raising a tiny plastic cup in the air. “Don’t worry guys, it’s only whiskey.”

“This early?” Baekho arched a brow, plopping himself down on a log that had been laid out across the camp site. He assumed the older generation of students put it there, establishing a tradition of gatherings. 

“Must be because he got rejected.” Baekhyun said

“Fuck you. Someone aint gettin a fireball then.”

Baekhyun pouted but instantly perked up when Mina whispered into his ear. 

Mingyu couldn’t care less about the banter or making conversation. He simply stalked over to the case of beer, sat down next to the log of wood. He pushed Bambam out of the way and ripped it open with his hands. He took a bottle out and popped it open with his thumb, grabbing the neck of it and gulped it down.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” his teammates shouted. 

Scowling, he wiped the foam off his face with his knuckle and let out a huff.

“You’re all pathetic.” he said, clenching his fists. It was at that moment that he really hated where he was. Or rather  _ who _ he was. Kim Mingyu, king of the misfits. 

“Gee, lighten up man. We get it, Wonwoo has a boyfriend now but you could at least show Chaeyeon a good time. She didn’t walk here in heels for nothing.” Bambam snickered although he wasn’t laughing.

“Hey!” Chaeyeon frowned. “Thanks for the compliment, but you didn’t have to point that other stuff out. I’m right here you know.” she said as she crossed her legs while her hands came back to hold onto the edge of the log she was sitting on. 

“Well you chose to come here with the boys didn’t you? Go stand over there with all your girlfriends then if you can’t take it.” Baekho butted in, nodding towards the cluster of cheer leaders who were taking selfies and filming themselves downing cans of beer. 

Chaeyeon merely scoffed. Leaning forward, she was about to come up with a remark when in the corner of her eye she saw sudden and sporadic movement come from Mingyu’s direction and turned her head in concern more than curiosity.

Her boyfriend had just slung his empty beer bottle over the ledge, standing there tensely as he watched it glimmer in the moonlight and fall into the darkness below. Their group sitting around the fire pit flinched as they heard the glass smash against the harsh and rocky sand on the beach, hunching their shoulders and cringing. 

“I already showed Chae a good time if you really want to know.” he muttered, looking as though he had killed a man. 

His girlfriend couldn’t help but giggle, trying to forget the way Mingyu had thrown the bottle like his father had just told him he couldn’t try out for the football team. Although she knew it was more than that. It was disappointing though. Not because she knew she wasn’t number one in Mingyu’s heart. Heck, she didn’t even fit into the equation at all. It was much more of an insult to know that she hadn’t managed to get Mingyu to release all that anger when they had done it together. Maybe Mingyu was simply having fun with her. Maybe he wasn’t venting. She hoped that was the case. If not, her pride was at stake. 

“He’s right you know. Best dicking I’ve got in a while.” she said with a devious grin. 

The boys pretended as though they didn’t hear what she said. Some of them played with the twigs or sticks they found on the ground while Bambam and Baekho tried to cover themselves at the thought. 

“Might want to get your game up boys. Just a suggestion.”

At that all of their faces paled while Mingyu’s stayed the same, still hidden from them as his back faced them. 

“You guys can have her if you want.” Mingyu smirked, feeling a superficial sense of power that he got from giving permission for another person. It was like Chaeyeon was already his wife. 

“I don’t know man.” Baekho said, leaning his elbows on his knees as he hunched forward, thinking. “If I say yes, it’s pretty bad. If I say no, it’s an insult. How about you ask your girlfriend first.” 

Chaeyeon smiled.

“I don’t mind.” she sighed.

Mingyu turned on his feet, staring at the ground before the fire pit.

“She’d prefer to beg for it actually. It’s pretty cool that I’ve learned a lot about her in less than an hour.”

Chaeyeon rolled her eyes all the while Baekho chuckled.

“So you probably didn’t learn what her favorite color is in the closet huh?”

“Probably not.”

Bambam let out a dazed whistle. 

“Mingyu getting all the hot ones makes me want to drink even more.”

“Too bad you still live with your mom.” Baekho added. 

“Sucks.” 

“Hopefully I don’t make you into an alcoholic.” Mingyu chuckled, lazily slapping his back as he came around them to sit with Chaeyeon. “You look more like a crackhead.” 

Chaeyeon inhaled a breath.

“Gyu! How could you say that to your friend?” she said, trying not to laugh. 

“He chose to hang with the boys didn’t he?” he retorted, mocking Baekho. 

“Yeah? Well if you keep it up you aren’t going to have any more boys to hang with.”

“You’re right. I’ll go easier on them. It’s funny if you think about it. You’re a girl but you can take it more than Bambam.”

His teammates who were standing around them mouths dropped while Bambam and Baekho could only shake their heads in disbelief. 

“Fuck out of here man. I’m not gay like you.”

“He’s only gay for Wonwoo.” Baekho laughed, falling over from his own joke.

“It’s not gay when you’re the one on top.” Mingyu growled, not caring if Chaeyeon was next to him.

“Oh so you banged him before?” Baekho tried to get out the words between his fit of giggles.

“No.” 

“Oh, but having your dick in a guy’s ass doesn’t make you gay? Alright Kim. I’ll remember that when I fuck him.” Bambam smirked. 

“That’s if Vernon doesn’t get to him before you do.” 

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah Bammie, Wonwoo wouldn’t let someone with a little twig put anything in him.” Baekho snickered, earning a playful shove from the other boy. 

Mingyu could only chuckle.

“I don’t think about other guy’s dicks but fuck, that’s funny.” he said, shaking his head.

Chaeyeon placed her chin on the palm of her hand and let out a tired sigh, giving Mingyu her biggest resting bitch face.

“What? You cold babe?”

She may or not have been already but the way he said it made her body warm up almost instantly, as if there was a connection between them that wasn’t simply the sexual warmth between their bodies but an emotional one.

“Oh my god.”

“What? I just asked if you were cold.” Mingyu furrowed his brows angrily.

“No. Not that.” she laughed, stretching out the sound of each word. “You’re so sweet Gyu. Why couldn’t you be this sweet to me before?” she pouted, grabbing his bicep with both her hands. She reveled in the way that her hands couldn’t wrap around his arm. 

He looked at her like she was crazy.

“We were in a closet. What do you expect?” he snorted. “Oh and about you being cold. Yeah, you thought. I wanted a fire. Guess I was just being polite with you. Don’t get ahead of yourself baby girl.” 

From the faces of everyone else around the fire pit and those who were listening in behind them, she could tell that their performance had gone from cute and adorable to comedic. The sounds they made went from ‘awwws’ to ‘oh shits’ in a matter of seconds. She was glad it made her laugh. She felt somewhat disappointed, even if the thing she had with Mingyu was only ‘casual’.

“Now I see why Wonwoo left you. You don’t have a romantic bone in your body.” Chaeyeon said, although it sounded more like a joke than an insult with the way she laughed and clung to him.

“I thought I already told you that I wasn’t the romantic type?”

“Oh- I-”

“You really thought you could make me go lovey dovey for you after one day? Maybe we are meant for each other.” he snorted.

She frowned. It was partially out of disappointment and partially out of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You and I both have good-sized egos don’t you think?” 

“All I know is that you’re more full of yourself than I am.” Chaeyeon said, shunning him and turning her head towards her friend, giggling. 

Mingyu could only smirk. Maybe friendly banter was what he needed now more than sex. If anything, trying to mimic the conversations he had with Wonwoo could either make him forget or make him yearn for the black-haired boy more. Yet by the second he opened his second beer bottle, he already knew he wanted Wonwoo more than ever. And it wasn’t the kind of want that an animal would have for a mate or a child for his mother, it was the kind of want that a man would have for an equal; the other part of his soul. 

Seeing that Wonwoo wasn’t in the picture anymore, maybe a few more drinks could make him feel different about Chaeyeon. He tried to see her apart from her clothes, her makeup, and her overall personality. He tried gazing into her soul once or twice, once when she was down on her knees, and twice maybe when he had spoken to her just then although what he saw was indistinct and not really memorable. She was just another girl and he was just another boy. Except they both didn’t think of themselves like that, even if they mutually knew it was true. Chaeyeon was an act to help his act. As if two actors could make the stage which they acted on a show in real life. As if two falses made it true. 

He supposed she was likeable when the environment was casual. That was, when she wasn’t thirsting for him. But there really wasn’t anything under that makeup of hers that shined through. It was more or less a faint flicker of the what-could-have-been. Like she had gone downhill at some point. Perhaps in high school. 

None of that really mattered to him anymore. He supposed if he tried talking to her in a normal light, she’d at least grow on him. 

There wasn’t any harm in finding out. 

He put an arm around Chaeyeon’s waist, feeling her body tighten up but welcome the touch seconds after. She didn’t let the action disturb her too much from speaking to Mina and a few of her friends who were on the cheer squad but he could tell she liked it when she closed her arms making herself small and putting her hand over his where it was on her waist. He forced his hand to stay there, imagining the body heat coming off from Chaeyeon as the warmth he would feel from Wonwoo. Yet like the cold breeze coming in from the ocean, he couldn’t feel anything but a sting. 

“Guys!” Bambam hissed. “Do you see that?” 

“What?” 

“I think it’s the cops. See the blue lights?”

Mingyu turned his head towards the side of the hill and saw the leaves and brush guarding the edge glow a fluorescent blue, flashing on and off.

“Do they know we’re here?” Baekho asked, furrowing his brows.

“Gee, I don’t know.” Bambam rolled his eyes. “You can go down and- wait. They’re leaving.” he said, putting his hands up as if he was trying to understand what was going on. 

“We’ve been coming here for years. They’re friendly with us.” one of the seniors on their team called to them from across the fire pit.

“So it must have been something else.”

“Maybe it’s the environmental police checking to see the acid level in the water.” Baekho snorted, taking a swig from his beer can. 

“Or they didn’t like how someone threw glass on the beach and littered.” Bambam said, tilting his head.

“At least it wasn’t a fucking condom.” Mingyu smirked. 

Baekho spat out his drink.

“Nasty.” 

Chaeyeon turned to give him a look before going back to talking. 

Meanwhile Bambam picked up the empty cardboard Bud Light box and began to tear it apart. 

“You guys want a fire?” 

Mingyu arched a brow.

“You brought a lighter with you?”

“Yeah dummy. “Baekho said “Why do you think Bammie always smells like smoke.”

Before Mingyu could turn his head in confusion, Bambam answered for himself.

“Shut up. I don’t go near that shit. How am I supposed to get laid with stained teeth?” 

“Good point.” 

Bambam only growled to himself, kneeling down to light the cardboard as he placed it on top of the chunks of wood in the firepit. 

“Where’s Kai anyways?”

“Off smooching with Jennie.” a voice next to Mingyu replied, causing his head to dart towards the sound. He forgot Baekhyun had been there sitting next to Mina. He had been on his phone the whole time but he would have expected the glow to have revealed his presence more profoundly. At least he hadn’t been there to add more to his embarrassment.

He thought about what Baekhyun said and remembered that Kai was another guy who was sweet on Wonwoo, pretty smitten actually with the way he always spoke about him. He was just glad Jennie could hold him over. Vernon and Jaehyun were competitive enough.

_ Wait, competition? _

He clenched his teeth and lowered his head in defeat.

He thought a couple of drinks could make him forget but he guessed he was going to need more.

XVII

The police questioned him and he gave them all that they asked for. Not wanting to repeat the same mistake again, he told them what Wonho and Changkyun had tried to do, even if he didn’t want to rehash the nightmare. Yet he realized that Wonho and Changkyun couldn’t be dismissed like that. Even if he had no qualms with them, they were still dangerous and could pull the same thing they did with him on someone else and he couldn’t live with the guilt of letting them go unpunished. Although he was the victim, it was Jaehyun who made sure Wonho and Changkyun would be locked up until their court hearing at least, with him answering most of the questions, even getting more emotional than he had been that day. Then again, it could have all been a front; being more of a performance than a demonstration that he was really a good man on the inside.

That didn’t matter to him now.

It was not that he brushed the thought away for the sake of comfort, he was just done with it all. He didn’t care whether someone was playing with him. It was just a part of life he supposed. Did he really have to feel guilty when - in the middle of their conversation with the police - Jaehyun just had to put a hand around him and lower it to his hips. Of course it stung, not the mere presence of Jaehyun’s hand, but the thought that it was supposed to be Mingyu’s. To think he would have given his whole body to Mingyu and now he was letting his arch rival desecrate it with a simple uninvited touch. 

He was astounded by the fact that what Wonho and Changkyun had tried to do didn’t scare or affect him as much as he thought. It was so crazy, he just had to let out a laugh.

One of the police officers looked at him as if he were insane, especially when Jaehyun looked as though he was going to tear up. Wonwoo realized the officer was staring at him with concern and looked up at him, smiling shyly as if he didn’t know where the hell he was at that moment and was too shy to ask for help. That’s what he was. Helpless in the arms of the man standing next to him. He always wanted to be helpless and taken care of. 

“Oh-” he breathed softly. “Sorry. I just remembered something funny.” 

It was as if Wonho and Changkyun were only bodies, faceless figures who pulled against his limbs. Their touch had been an impersonal wave of coldness against his skin, like the stethoscope of a doctor on his chest. Of course, there was nothing to freak out about. It hadn’t been Mingyu who was going to rape him. 

He felt like laughing again but turned his head away to look at the other end of the beach. He was going to bury his head in Jaehyun’s chest but that would give the guy the wrong idea and the last thing he needed was more boys falling on the floor for him just so he wouldn’t get his shoes dirty. 

The officers wrapped everything up and asked if he wanted to come to the station or schedule an appointment with a therapist. He declined, although he didn’t know why. He would have done anything to get away from Jaehyun. Yet for once he was letting whim get the best of him; he just didn’t know what to do or how to go on from there. It should have disturbed him that Jaehyun supported his decision as any real friend would have advised him to see someone and talk about the incident. 

Who was he to say anyways?

He was already disturbed. 

XVIII

Chaeyeon had left the fire pit to go off and down shot bottles with her friends. The grass lit up from their cameras as they filmed themselves drinking mini bottles, tilting their heads back and letting the liquor funnel into their mouths without need for any hands. Mingyu thought it was a girl’s sport. Something that the girls liked to do and show off to the rest of their friends on snap chat. 

He had just gotten back from shotgunning two cans of beer faster than the whole football team. It was just another point to add to his record. He wondered what S.Coups score was, not that the guy would ever be coming back to hang out with them. 

He was lucky he only had five drinks so far and that his body mass could handle it. Otherwise he would have already been smashed when his mother called. Luckily he had eaten something and the alcohol still had to settle into his system. It didn’t wash away the dread and nervousness he felt when he saw her name on the screen of his phone. He just didn’t care.

“What’s up?” he said, sitting down on the log as he stared into the fire. He wondered how nice it would feel if Wonwoo were there sitting next to him. Chaeyeon may have filled the vacancy but everytime he looked down he was disappointed to find out that it wasn’t him. She didn’t smell like him either. She was too manufactured.

He thought about holding Wonwoo in his lap or letting him snuggle into his side. If only he had his sweatshirt with-

“Don’t ‘what’s up’ me. Do you know what time it is? It’s eleven o’clock. Your dance got out at ten.” Hyuna snapped. 

“Me and my friends went out for food.” he grumbled, hunching forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

Hyuna made a sound of disapproval.

“So you’re just shooting the breeze?”

“Yeah. Can’t I have fun?”

“And Wonwoo doesn’t have a curfew? I’m your mother, Mingyu. I wasn’t born yesterday. If I find out you have been drinking, so help me you are going to be grounded for a-”

“I’m not coming home tonight.”

He could hear her frown through the phone.

“Wh- It’s so unlike Wonwoo to do this. He seemed like such a polite and-”

“A goody two shoes? Yeah. Wonwoo’s not in the picture.” Mingyu snorted, shaking his head in amusement. It felt painful to say it, but he laughed it off inside. 

“What?” his mother snapped, sounding more grouchy than shocked. 

“It didn’t work out so I found someone else. She’s good enough for me.” 

“I-” Hyuna began, her voice losing its firmness. It wasn’t only shock that had made her quiver and stumble, but the fact that it was painful to hear, her own son losing his fight for happiness. It wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

“We’ll talk about Wonwoo later young man.” she said, almost chuckling darkly. “There is no way in hell I’m allowing you to go over to some girl’s house. Didn’t I lay it out for you clearly enough? You are getting married before you pull any of that crap, got it Mingyu? The last thing I need is to find out my son lost his virginity and also got a girl pregnant. Do you have no-”

“Don’t call me anymore. I’ll be back tomorrow.” he grunted. 

At that, he hung up. 

His mother had to be the stupidest person he had ever met. 

XIX

Wonwoo didn’t want to go home in Jaehyun’s truck just yet. That and he didn’t want to fall asleep and wake up in the guy’s bedroom again. Although he probably would have let Jaehyun do anything he wanted to him. He was just a puppet after all, thrown across the stage and pulled by the strings of more powerful forces. If power was what it took to survive, then those who had it deserved his respect. Authority was something he always loved and hated; he had always felt drawn and repelled by it. He wanted to fight against it, and be taken by it.

“I want to sit down.” Wonwoo said, clasping his hands together as he chose a boulder to rest on. Jaehyun gestured with his hand, giving him the go ahead, not that he needed permission anyways.

“Aren’t you tired?” the football player asked, picking a spot next to Wonwoo although he made sure to keep his distance.

“I want to dedicate the last hour until midnight, to the skyline.” he said in a rather cheerful yet subdued tone. It was as if he were already in fairy land.

“It deserves more than to be merely gazed upon. But that’s all I can give it. No amount of dreaming and wondering could make me feel larger than life; larger than those buildings, ever again. It was foolish of me to think we ever had a chance.” he continued, holding his face as if he were on his bed gushing over a boy.

“You and Mingyu?” Jaehyun arched a brow, resting the side of his head on the palm of his hand as his other arm held his knees together. 

“No, silly. I’m talking about life in general. We don’t have a chance. I could concede that fate deals us cards, but I could go further than that. I could say that every action we take is only one step closer... to the edge.” he said wistfully, tilting his head and letting out a sigh.

The football player chuckled.

“I think you’re already there.” 

It didn’t seem like Wonwoo heard him. All the black-haired boy could do was stare out at the water.

“Thank you.” 

Jaehyun furrowed his brows.

“And don’t say ‘for what’. You know what I’m grateful for. Being grateful is all I can be now. It’s all that has ever kept me from pulling the plug. It’s the bare minimum I need to survive, as if counting my blessings is just as grueling as scraping the dirt off the floors. You see, only now do I have my hand in the dumpster, looking for scraps; for little quotes, little hearts, little messages telling me “Wonwoo.” he whispered, singing his name as if someone was singing his name to wake him up. He looked up at the moon as if it were his mother and he had been a child who just hurt himself. 

“They say, go on…. Wonwoo.... go on.” he said, but this time, his voice had lost its melody. It was as if he had been smoking for years. His voice was raspy and monotonous. The life taken out of it. 

“Wonwoo.” Jaehyun began, scooting closer to him. 

The black-haired boy’s head darted towards him, causing the football player to flinch.

“Do you want to hear my favorite quote?” Wonwoo giggled, looking away shyly. 

“I-” Jaehyun inhaled, not knowing if he should take Wonwoo home or to a mental hospital. 

“Sure.” he let out, still frowning. 

It was contagious. 

“Please Jae, don’t frown at me like that. You know all my life I’ve never been understood. And you just have to frown like you don’t understand. Like you’re more concerned about something else than what I am saying. For once could someone just listen and not patronize me like a child?” 

Jaehyun’s brows furrowed even more but his breath hitched when he saw a teardrop roll down the other boy’s eye. 

“Hey. Don’t cry.” Jaehyun said softly, putting a hand on his back. “Please Wonwoo. I’ll listen. I want to. Tell me your favorite quote.” 

“Okay.” Wonwoo sniffle, dabbing his eye with the collar of his shirt. “It’s from this book called  _ The Stranger _ by Albert Camus. Now he was an atheist but there was something- one of his characters - a priest - had said that really hit me.” 

“Yeah?” Jaehyun smiled, lowering his head to see Wonwoo’s face where he had tried to hide it from him. 

“Well, I should put it into context first. This man named Meursault was in prison for committing murder. He was a really messed up man. He didn’t care about life or death, everything was meaningless to him. So when a priest visited him in prison to convert him and reconcile him for his misdeeds, Mersault said that even though he was afraid of dying, he wouldn’t turn to God. The priest asked ‘why’ and Mersualt answered ‘because it doesn’t interest me.’ Mersault acknowledged that they were all condemned to die, but that fact alone was not a consolation. Rather, he would face death as he faced life.... without an ounce of hope.”

“He sounds pretty messed up.” Jaehyun snorted, looking down at him fondly.   
  
Wonwoo looked slightly frightened by the older boy’s voice but realized Jaehyun had been sitting next to him and smiled.

“This man, Meursault, said that he would do all that was asked of him. Once he was executed, his prison sentence would be completed and he would have paid the price of his crime. He said that there was no such thing as divine justice. There was only human justice, the same justice that put him there in that prison cell. But the priest didn’t give up that easily. I remember it as clear as day. The priest walked over to the window and looked up at the sky through the bars. 

He said ‘you’re wrong my son. More could be asked of you and it may be asked.’ Yet Mersault didn’t know what else there was to do.”

Wonwoo picked up a small pebble off the top of the boulder he was sitting on and gazed at the stones lying flat on the beach in front of them.

“I remember the priest looked around his prison cell, at all the stones that made up the wall. He said ‘you could be asked to see.’ 

Then Mersault said ‘See what?’

Now this is my favorite quote” Wonwoo nodded, smiling to reassure Jaehyun that they were almost at the end. His expression then mellowed as he played with the pebble in his hands, letting it fall through his fingers.

“The priest said, ‘Every stone here sweats with suffering, I know that. I have never looked at them without a feeling of anguish. But deep in my heart I know that the most wretched among you have seen a divine face emerge from their darkness. That is the face you are asked to see.”

Wonwoo let out a breath, trying to compose himself.

They sat there for a few moments. The quote Wonwoo had recited fought for his attention, but all he could do was look down at the younger’s brokenness. 

“Do you see a divine face?” Jaehyun asked, bringing the black-haired boy closer to him. However innocent it was, Wonwoo turned away from him. 

“No. Not if I’m alone in a noiseless… empty… room.” he said in a strained voice, as if he was about to suffocate. It brought back too many memories. 

“I guess that’s why you like it here huh? The skyline’s pretty cool.”

“Yes. And- the world, it’s so large, it reminds me that my suffering is only a small part of it. That there is something greater to be found than misery.”

He whipped his head towards him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound like some kind of victim. But it’s true. That’s how I feel. Though I will never tell myself that I’m a victim. I can bear my suffering. I can carry it. It’s a boulder on my shoulders, not a badge on my chest.”

Jaehyun didn’t know whether he should lower his head in sympathy or reach for Wonwoo’s chin and lift his head up. He decided he’d do the latter. He tried to see the bright side of things, no matter how shallow it was, like sunlight touching the surface of green murky water. 

The football player chuckled. 

“You’re what? Eighteen? Someone like you shouldn’t be talking about these things. You’re too pretty anyways. You’re going to get wrinkles.” 

Wonwoo used his hand to push away Jaehyun’s from his face, laughing as to cover up the awkwardness. 

“Of all things it’s art, poetry, and music that will save me. I need a message to drill inside my head, something I’ll never forget. I want to remember it so well I won’t even need to think.”

“And those things do that?”

He nodded.

“Music does the trick.” 

“What kind of music?”

Wonwoo covered his mouth as he giggled, burying his head between his knees.

“You’re going to laugh at me.”

“Nah.” Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head. 

“Okay.” Wonwoo sighed, deflating. “The song that I’m really feeling right now is Rachmaninoff’s Second Piano Concert, particularly the first movement.”

“Never heard of it.” 

“Well, I like things with a lot of power in them. I always picture a stormy sea, a Gothic cathedral, or an army of horsemen stampeding over a hill. It's kind of dark and dreary at the beginning but then things pick up and become lighter.

“Like right now?” Jaehyun asked, twisting his body sideways to face him. 

Wonwoo tried to pretend that he didn’t hear the huskiness in the football player’s voice. And that stare. Jaehyun always stared at him like that when he wanted something didn’t he?

He smiled, shaking his head.

“You should listen to it. I’m not saying that reactions to music are subjective. But we all take away something that is unique from it, whether it be a story or an emotion that it evokes within us.”

“If you know what I’m saying.” he added, taking one of the flat stones lying where he sat and dragging it against the surface of the boulder he was on. It made a soft and starchy sound as it created a white line behind it. 

Jaehyun got the hint, knowing Wonwoo was purposefully deflecting the question. 

“Thank you by the way, again, for not making this an opportunity to get into my pants.” 

The football player gulped.

“Right.” 

“Or have I merely foiled your plans to try and get me to come back to you?” Wonwoo asked, seemingly ignoring what Jaehyun had previously said. He sat there staring at the skyline, as if he already knew the older boy’s answer.

“You know me.” Jaehyun sighed, raking a hand through his hair. It wasn’t out of annoyance that he did so. It was just- he was so tired of everything. 

“I guess I should prepare myself then.” Wonwoo said with an airy voice, as if a child was just making a discovery.

Jaehyun arched a brow at the way the younger held out his arms, putting them together as if a police officer told him he was under arrest.

“What are you doing?” 

Wonwoo looked up at him with a pout.

“I’m making it easier for you. Throw me into the back of your truck if you want. I won’t fight you.” 

Jaehyun chuckled. Although that was the last thing he should have been doing.

“There’s other ways to get you to fall in my love with me. You know that right?” 

“Since when did my consent matter to you?” Wonwoo asked. His tone was tender but truthful.

Jaehyun clenched his fist.

“Look, you don’t have to act sarcastic. I mean- I deserve everything you throw at me. I know I’m a scumbag. I’d even let you punch me in the face a hundred times for what I almost did to you. But I feel ashamed for that. Please, could you just see that? If you can’t accept my love for you could you accept my shame and guilt? 

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes.

“I never accept the unearned.” 

Nor did he want a man to ask his permission. To think the ideal man would ever ask permission to love him? He didn’t want a consent form, nor a receipt. If he had been drunk he would have made more of a show for Jaehyun to get the football player to take him right then and there. He’d let Jaehyun ravage him on the boulder in which they sat, making the beach the most holy place on a rotten campus. 

Of all things he had lost, even the most personal and intimate things like his innocence, there was one thing he still had a hold on, and that was his own mind.

Both their heads turned to the sound of something shattering two hundred yards away. It was faint but sharp, like glass breaking against the stones. Seconds later, about what sounded to be a dozen beer cans tumbled down the rocky ledge sounding like a mixture between bud light wind chimes and plastic cups clattering together. 

“Must be those punks on the football team.” Wonwoo giggled, turning away from the noise that suddenly became more noticeable to them. 

Jaehyun kept his eyes on the ledge, spotting the orange glow of a camp fire flickering on the dark green leaves of the brush surrounding the hill. They were close enough that he could make out their individual voices and he recognized his teammates. He thought he heard Mingyu as well but all that he hoped for was that Wonwoo didn’t. 

“They’re nothing. Don’t think about them.” Jaehyun said, almost grunting. “I’m more worried about you.”

Wonwoo’s face crinkled with confusion.

“Worried?” he asked. It was high-pitched and breathy, as if it were filled with shock and remorse. 

Jaehyun nodded slowly. 

It was at that moment that he should have asked Wonwoo about seeing someone to talk about his problems. However, a light bulb turned on over his head and he felt a wave of enthusiasm and optimism overwhelm him. It wasn’t the kind of light-hearted emotion one felt on a brand new day. It was the emotion one felt at the end of one, desperately seeking opportunities long past. It was corrupt optimism.

“That’s why I want to try to help you. You know, be there for you. Be your rock.”

“The rock that I can hide under?” Wonwoo looked up at him with slightly widened eyes, as if the prospect was too good to be true. 

“I’ll be the rock that keeps you grounded. Your anchor.” 

Wonwoo looked as though he was considering the question. 

“That sounds-” he began in a whisper, but he couldn’t finish his sentence. His mind was racing.

“Can you just give me one more chance?” Jaehyun asked, leaning in more as he held the side of his head. 

“Please. I really like- No, I love you. You can think that I’m just some guy who doesn’t know what he thinks or feels but-”

“We can be friends.” Wonwoo replied, letting his shoulders fall. “I know that will torture you but I have a heart too you know. Call me crazy. But to tell you that I never want to see you ever again would be like putting a bullet to your head. Even if I seem cold and robotic, I can’t do that. You have to pick your poison. Let me be the vile of cyanide that you choose to take, just don’t blame me if it kills you. There is enough suffering in the world. A broken heart is the last thing I need on my record.”

Untold anguish engulfed Jaehyun’s entire expression and he clenched his fists against the rock they sat on as if he were trying to hold on to something.

“I guess I’ll swallow the pill then.” he chuckled with dark amusement. “You know how to wound a man, Wonu. I thought I was going to be the player, the guy that would break your heart. But it turns out you don’t have one, do you?” 

Wonwoo turned towards him, his brows straight but upset. His blood was spiked with anger.

“Didn’t I tell you-

Jaehyun grabbed his waist, lurching forward so that their foreheads came together. Before the football player could kiss him, he jerked his head away, going from side to side just to evade the older boy’s attacks on his lips. 

“I wanna kiss you.” Jaehyun gritted, scowling as Wonwoo gave him a hard time. He cringed as the older boy moved his head closer, causing him to lean backwards, letting himself be bent over and held by his back.

“Jae- stop. Stop it.” he hissed, shaking his head fervently as if he were a baby being fed mush. 

“Why won’t you let me kiss you? Isn’t this what you wanted?” 

“No.” Wonwoo spat, trying to push off from Jaehyun’s chest but the latter only brought him closer to his lap. 

“Why else would you look like a slut just for me huh? You thought you could get away with wearing all this stuff?” the football player grunted, digging his fingers under the belly chain wrapped around his abdomen. 

“I’ve been holding it in forever Wonwoo. I want you so much, I don’t even feel guilty anymore when I look at you. Hell, I won’t ever be that guy who can protect you. But that doesn’t matter. I want to fucking destroy you Wonwoo. I want to destroy you so much right now. I’ll give you what you fucking deserve. Mingyu didn’t have the guts to-”

A loud slap interrupted his tirade and Jaehyun realized Wonwoo’s hand had made contact with his cheek. Only now did he feel the breeze from the younger’s hand and he looked down at the black-haired boy with grim seriousness. 

“Take me home. Right. Now.” Wonwoo said. His deep breaths were more angry than calming. 

He assumed Wonwoo would have been more angry and punched him, or would have ran away. Yet he supposed the black-haired boy was giving him a second chance after all.

“Get yourself together Jae. I’ll be waiting in your truck. Where is it?” 

It wasn’t every day that the person who was supposed to despise him said that he’d be waiting in his truck.

“Right off the trail.” he replied, watching as Wonwoo got a head start on the dirt pathway. 

The football player stood up, patting his pockets and making sure he still had his wallet and phone. It felt weird to him. It seemed like just a normal night, even if a lot of shit went down. He raised his head and smirked as his eyes fell on the small of the other’s back.

“Are we gonna fuck or something?” he snorted, cocking a brow. He didn’t have anything to drink but he was already drunk on the way Wonwoo’s figure tantalized him in the shadow of the forest. As if it beckoned him to follow.

Wonwoo stopped in his tracks as if someone had just put an ice cube down his back and he craned his neck around to give him a dirty look.

“Get over yourself.” 

“That’s no way to treat your driver. Maybe you can give me a blowjob or-”

“Actually I’ll just call Jungkook-”

_ He’d have to explain everything. _

“Or my father. He’ll send-”

“Your dad’s probably asleep. Either that or he’s having a night out if you know what I mean?” he smirked. 

“You’re both pigs.” Wonwoo muttered, crossing his arms as he continued walking. 

“Well then you must be mud because I love you.” 

Wonwoo burst out laughing, catching the older boy off guard slightly. 

“I didn’t think you had a sense of humor enough to laugh like that.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Laughter is the only medicine I guess.” 

Deep down, Wonwoo didn’t know why he was experiencing emotions so strongly. One minute he found himself engulfed in anger, another minute, sorrow, and now, amusement?

Well, at least every joke that came out of Jaehyun’s mouth wasn’t dirty. 

XX

“Are those new?” Jaehyun asked, still holding the door open for Wonwoo as he buckled himself into the passenger seat. Between the football player’s fingers was the lobe of Wonwoo’s ear, and on it were his dollar sign studs, gleaming in the overhead light. 

“No. I’ve always had them.” Wonwoo said blandly, looking straight ahead as if he was putting an effort into not being bothered.

“Pretty.” 

“You can let go of my ear now.” 

Jaehyun scowled.

“Fucking bitch. I was just gonna ask what the symbolism was. I didn’t take you to be the type obsessed with money. What are you, a rapper?” 

Wonwoo let out a faint humph, prompting him to close the door and get it on the other side.

“They’re a symbol of the value that money has; the effort it takes to make it, and our capacity to produce value. And in order to produce, we must be able to think. People slander money as being the root of all evil, but they have never asked themselves what the root of money is. Maybe I’m a hippie and I’m just wearing these in rebellion against convention. But I want to show everyone that money isn’t something to be ashamed of. It represents success because we worked for it. I could care less about my summer job and the money I made. What I admire the most are the big businessmen.”

“Like your father?” 

Wonwoo scoffed.

“The entrepreneurs not the corporatists. I’m talking about the people who actually make money the right way. That’s why I’m against gambling.” 

Jaehyun gaped.

“What? That’s how me and your dad can bond. What else are we gonna do if we can’t go to Las Vegas together?”

“There’s plenty of strip clubs in New York.” Wonwoo retorted.

“Funny. I’d never cheat on you though.”

“Friends can cheat on each other?” Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah, right. I forgot you friendzoned me.”

“Speaking of friends. I have to let mine know I’m alright.”

“Cause you want Jungkookie to know where you were going in case I turn out to be a serial killer?” 

“No. He's probably worried.” Wonwoo replied, arching an eyebrow. 

“You’re taking me to my apartment?” the younger continued, taking out his phone and texting Jungkook a message.

He said it more as a blunt statement than a question. There was a hint of curiosity to it but also a sense of expectation. As if he wasn’t at all afraid of being in Jaehyun’s car.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun groaned. “But you owe me time to hangout this week.”

“That’s not a good idea.” 

“Why?” 

“You can get rid of your feelings for me in less than a week?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

Wonwoo looked at him as if he was going to ask if he was being serious.

“I figured we’d wait for a few months until we actually became friends. Hanging out this week would be torture for you wouldn’t it? I don’t think I’d want to be around you either, not with how handsy you’ve been. You can’t control yourself. As much as I feel complimented by your lack of self-control, I am your friend now after all. And friends don’t choose friends for their vices. In what way would I be making your life better if we were to hangout?” 

Jaehyun chuckled.

“You don’t get it after all this time, Wonu. Being around you is what makes my life better.”

“Then give me a good reason why I should stick around.” Wonwoo retorted, not bothering to bat his eyelashes at the older boy’s flattery. It was all just a game. 

“I thought saving you from Wonho and Changkyun was enough of a reason.” 

“We have to consider intent and not just the action itself of course.” 

“Alright Mr. Detective. I wouldn’t have guessed you’d skip out on a day of fun with the one and only Jung Jaehyun just because you were skeptical about my motives. Why can’t you just forget about my intent for a second and enjoy the moment? What? You think you’re gonna fall in love with me in just one day? Trust me, I get it. I’m pretty full of myself, but I don’t even believe that. You don’t have to worry. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Wonwoo’s breath hitched. Not only was Jaehyun’s statement something he had never heard before, but the question after delivered even more of a shock. 

_ You don’t have to worry. _

Could anything make him cry harder than that? 

Yet was he so desperate that he’d jump into the arms of an attempted rapist?

“I’d just like to go home.” 

Jaehyun inhaled, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. Wonwoo noticed the defeated sound in his breath and his heart sank a little.

“I’ll hangout with you only on one condition.”

The football player perked up at that.

“Honestly, I’ll accept anything.”

“Jungkook has to come along with us, you know, just to make sure you don’t step out of line.”

Jaehyun smirked.

“Yeah, like I’m afraid of little Kookie.” 

“Oh.” Wonwoo laughed. “Jungkook’s presence is a courtesy. He’s only coming because I respect his wish to make sure I’m alright. It’s me you should be afraid of.”

“Well if it makes you feel better, I am.” 

“Good.” Wonwoo hummed. “See you Monday.” 

“Wait.” Jaehyun yelped as the younger unlocked his door and got out. Making a run for the lobby of his apartment building.

“Let me walk you to the door!” 

“Friends don’t do that.” Wonwoo snipped. 

“Whatever.” Jaehyun huffed, sitting back in his seat as he watched Wonwoo enter the lobby. The black-haired boy made sure to wave to him goodbye, not wanting to hurt Jaehyun’s feelings any more than he had. 

He wondered if the Wonwoo that had been next to him in the car was the same Wonwoo who couldn’t stop rambling and waving his arm around like he was an actor in some Shakesperian drama. 

Wonwoo had probably been just tired. Maybe he had too many drinks. Although he didn’t smell any alcohol on him. 

Unless, Mingyu had messed him up pretty bad. 

He already hated the guy. But the thought of Wonwoo losing his mind because of some knucklehead like Kim made his blood boil. 

At least, Wonwoo seemed alright when he said goodbye.

He peered through the glass of the lobby’s windows one last time, spotting Wonwoo hunched over as if he was suppressing laughter. It must have been something the concierge had said that was amusing.

Either way, he was glad the kid’s sense of humor was back.

XXI

_ “Oh my goodness.” Wonwoo gasped, holding his cheeks. “We have to dance. This is my favorite song from the turn of the nineteenth century.”  _

_ It was Destiny Waltz again.  _

_ He looked up at Mingyu with unbridled devotion. He watched as the taller man chuckled, reveling in his polite but awe-struck innocence.  _

_ “Yes, I will have this dance kind sir. Thank you for asking.” Wonwoo smiled, answering before the other could even utter the question.  _

_ “Oh you haven’t said a word.” Wonwoo pouted. “Cat’s got your tongue? You know I don’t bite. I’m no more harmless than a little nursling kitten. You on the other hand- I have to watch out for you.” he laughed, burying his head in the football player’s chest. _

_ “Mingyu.”  _

_ There was no response. _

_ “Promise me you will never let go of me? I want to stay here forever.” he whispered, almost whimpering.  _

_ His body swayed back and forth to the music. He didn’t know whether to be ecstatic from how exhilarating it was, or calm and satisfied with the warmth seeping out from Mingyu’s tuxedo. He could still smell the roses from where they had been held up against the football player’s chest as he presented them to him. He opened his eyes to see the dark and thick fabric of the tux touching his cheek while Mingyu’s bulky arms stood out like a cushion. Out of all the sights, smells, and touches however, it was the music that made him feel as though he were in a ballroom, even though he and Mingyu were dancing in his living room. Nothing could be more special than that moment.  _

_ “Is that cologne I smell? I always loved your natural musk.” Wonwoo giggled, letting his head fall back as Mingyu’s arms came up to hold his back. “What kind is it? Pinewood?” _

_ Again, no response. _

_ “Oh, you’re not much of a talker tonight. I understand. You probably want to cherish this moment. To celebrate it without any words. Words have always been my tool of communication and the weapon I use to strike down my enemies. But what more do we need than a mere glance into each other’s eyes to know each other’s souls? What is a playful sword fight with words compared to the clash of our spirits together in this melting pot that we call love? Oh I could just melt in your arms, smelling the clean yet pungent scent of your bronze skin. It makes me feel safe and protected. True masculinity is something I’ve never known until I met you. I’ve never smelled a man’s cologne before. At least… not in a situation as tender and loving as this.” he giggled, trying not to hiccup.  _

_ His breath was becoming more strained as he put more mental effort into repressing all of the memories.  _

_ His father. _

_ Cologne. _

_ He jolted at the sound of the door being knocked on. He turned his head to see a pair of legs through the hole he had made in the wood. Those khaki pants made his eyes widen. It was like he knew what was going to happen next. Like it had already happened. _

_ “My father just won’t leave us alone.” Wonwoo chuckled nervously. “I can’t blame him. He’s always so concerned about my well-being. He doesn’t mean any harm. Of course he doesn’t. He’s my father. It’s his job to protect me.”  _

_ He felt Mingyu nod his chin above him and he closed his eyes once more, clasping their hands together.  _

_ “You’ll stay here right? You won’t leave until morning when my- when my father leaves for work?” He gulped, looking up at the football player anxiously. _

_ “At least, even if you are silent, I know you’re the strong and silent type. Isn’t that right Gyu? You’re more of a man of action than of few words.” Wonwoo chuckled, nodding his head as if that would coax a response out of the taller man. But it didn’t work. _

_ “You being here is all I need of course. I don’t know why I’m so nervous all of a sudden. It’s probably because I’ve never danced with anyone before. Thank you for taking the lead. I was a born follower you know. Born. Follower!” he said, gasping for breath.  _

_ “Sorry, I’m such a mess.” he laughed faintly, letting his fingers trail the area along his collarbone. He then raked his finger nails along the side of his neck, a nervous habit of his. _

_ “I’ve probably ruined the night for you. Ballroom dancing is outdated, isn’t it? Yet, you’re better at it than me. Sorry if I was stepping on your feet the whole time. Though I’m sure you probably didn’t even feel a thing. You’re stoic aren’t you? It would be so unmanly to show weakness. The ideal man cannot have any flaws of course. Not that you have any. I was just saying-” he paused.  _

_ “I don’t know what I was saying.” he said, his eyes darting up towards Mingyu’s. Gazing at the ceiling as if it had just told him he would be going to Disneyland.  _

_ He burst into excited laughter.  _

_ “Oh stop it. You know there’s always a lot going on in my mind. Don’t give me that look- yes that look on your face right now. I can’t help but fall more in love everytime you- _

“Wonwoo.”

Everything fell silent. 

The music had stopped and all he could hear was the muffled static of a radio playing in his head. It quieted it down just as his vision became less blurry, focusing on the figure standing in the doorway.

Was the guy talking to him?

Wonwoo craned his neck, looking behind him and finding confirmation that it was indeed him being spoken to. 

Just then, the lights were flicked on and his eyes crinkled in confusion, bordering on the edge of pain. The light was so cruel to him, bearing down on him as if he were the star of the show, giving him too much attention, picking out every detail. 

He turned to completely face the figure in the doorway who seemed to have multiplied now into two figures, watching him with concern. 

“Wonwoo? What are you doing?” the same voice asked. Only then did he realize it was Jungkook.

He raised his hand and put it over his forehead, covering his eyes from the blinding light. It was as if Jungkook was just a mirage in the distance and he was trying to make out all of the details. All he could see was a frown on the other boy’s face. The same frown Jaehyun wore.

“Kookie.” he breathed, reaching out towards him with desperation. “Where’s Mingyu?” 

His friend tensed and his stern expression faltered.

“The real question is where were you?” Jungkook chuckled, trying to save himself from interrogation as well as make a note to himself that Wonwoo wasn’t acting right. 

“And who were you talking to?” the figure next to Jungkook asked. He recognized that deep and penetrating voice anywhere. 

“What’s- what’s Vernon doing here?” he swallowed, not bothering to hide his disgust.

“He wants to help.” Jungkook persisted, putting an arm around the blond’s shoulder.

“He’s only adding fuel to the fire. How could you bring him here? Didn’t he tell you I left him at the dance for a reason? Couldn’t keep his hands off me, that’s why. I told him over and over again-”

He paused, holding the side of his head as if he forgot what he was saying. 

“What are you here for?” he asked, his voice having lost all of it’s malice and venom. 

Jungkook and Vernon could only swallow their questions.

Either Wonwoo was simply trying to compose himself and stopped his tirade, or he truly had changed into a different person. A much more shy and polite person. 

“Wonwoo.” Jungkook began. His tone was full of disbelief. 

“We’ve been looking for you for two hours. We waited in the library thinking you were going to be there.” Vernon explained, careful as to not provoke the other boy. 

Wonwoo frowned. 

“Oh. The library? Now why would I be there? I’m not a nerd.” he snorted. “In fact.” he began, voice soft and breathy. “I was here all along, dancing with-”

He stopped, noticing Mingyu had vanished. 

“I was dancing with myself. Dancing- dancing is therapeutic for me. Don’t give me that look Jungkook. I wasn’t dancing in front of a mirror. I’m not a narcissist.” 

Jungkook chuckled. 

“I’m not judging. But I think you should lay down.”

“But it’s only-” he said, looking at the clock. “Midnight!” 

“Wonwoo! Quiet down!”

Wonwoo didn’t seem to hear him.

“That must be why he’s gone. The spell- the spell must have worn off. I should have given him something to remember me by. I knew I should have put more rose oil all over myself so he could remember. Men like rose oil don’t they?” he asked anxiously. “Vernon don’t you like it when Seungkwan smells like roses?” 

Vernon froze.

“Wonu-” Jungkook stopped him, putting an arm around him. “You’re tired.” 

“I’m really not. It’s the beginning of the day. We can’t waste it sleeping.”

“Resting is not a waste. You need it. Now c’mon.” 

Wonwoo held his cheeks and looked down at the ground as if the floor was made of lava. With every step he took he felt like he didn’t know where he was going. The floor kept rising and falling, making it seem like he was walking on a rope bridge over an abyss. It made him dizzy.

“Yes-” he choked. “Rest! I need it.” 

He said it as if his life depended on it. 

**_“The priest gazed around my cell and answered in a voice that sounded very weary to me._ **

**_'Every stone here sweats with suffering, I know that._ **

**_I have never looked at them without a feeling of anguish._ **

**_But deep in my heart I know that the most wretched among you have seen a divine face emerge from their darkness._ **

**_That is the face you are asked to see.'_ **

**_~ Albert Camus The Stranger_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so you probably already know what's going on with Wonwoo : (  
> Do you guys think he's leading Vernon and Jaehyun on. I'm trying to make him not as flirty but idk lmao.
> 
> Also, I really think the first few minutes of this song fits the chapter. Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS8hk0kL2sE
> 
> Omg, if you have any music you want to share I would love to listen to it. Music to me is so important because it’s a shortcut to understanding someone as a person and their sense of life. I like all music from classical to jazz, 60s-2010s, kpop of course LMAO etc. 
> 
> Anyways, next chapter Minwon is going to be at a Halloween party and I got some ideas heheheheheh. I’m sorry if this chapter was upsetting, next chapter things wont change much but it will be lighter. Hopefully i can pack everything in quickly so I can get to all the fluff EEEEEEE.


	38. Antinomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So there’s another fight but it’s not between Mingyu and Jaehyun... 
> 
> Also Wonwoo is hanging in there🥺. The suffering will be over soon. This chapter contains vulgar language an sexual themes. BEWARE. 
> 
> There’s going to be a Halloween Party and a football game for the next chapters. Meanie becoming a thing will happen soon I PROMISE. 
> 
> Please check out my collab with Jooniesgukkie it’s called LoveGame (Meanie high school au) + my Halloween fic and my mafia au lmao. It’s dark😳.

Wonwoo woke up in the middle of the day, slowly and at his own convenience. He had completely forgotten Friday’s events, as if that day had been skipped over; a blank square on the calendar.

He remembered waking up to find Jungkook lying horizontally across the edge of the bed near his feet while Vernon was slouched in a chair in the corner of the room. His breath didn’t hitch as much as he let out a relieved sigh. The familiarity of his friends faces was something that brought him back to reality. It was not as though he had fallen out of sleep. It was more like he had wandered out of a dark forest carrying with him the fear of something lurking behind him but it was not enough to make him start running. That was why he awoke so calmly considering his friends were still out cold. He hoped he hadn’t worn them out. 

He lifted the cover up and away from his legs, making sure not to make any loud rustling noise. His foot accidently bumped into the side of Jungkook’s head but he only snorted in his sleep. 

His feet landed gracefully on the floor and he tiptoed to the door, keeping his eye on Vernon with every step he took. Luckily, his best friend left the door open so he didn’t have to worry about it creaking. He gave the room one last glance before he jumped into the living room, skirting his way over to his kitchenette. He plucked one of the coffee pods from the carousel holder on the counter and popped it into the coffee maker. He paced up and down the aisle between the counter and the kitchen island, scratching his arms as the sound of the machine spitting out hot coffee filled his ears. It was weird how mundane an activity it was. Just last night he had been dancing with Prince Charming himself and now he was here…. 

He yanked open the silverware drawer and got out a spoon, placing it in the mug to cool it down. He fumbled as he tried to open the mini creamers. It was like he was a smoker, frantically pulling out a cigarette and trying to light it to calm his nerves. 

The spoon clanked against the mug as he stirred the coffee but he didn’t care. He didn’t have respect for anything in that moment, not even Vernon’s slumber. Hence why the blond stepped into the kitchen with him. 

“Wonu, what are you doing out here? Go back in there and sleep.” Vernon said, lifting up his shirt slightly to scratch his stomach. It was rather obnoxious for the blond to do considering he had always known him since the first day of school as being the polite and reserved one. But then again, Vernon’s secret was out. There was no need to act like he was with some stranger. Vernon more or less was already acting as if he were his husband asking what was for breakfast. 

“I’m not tired.” he retorted, taking a sip from the mug.

“You won’t be if you keep drinking that.” Vernon snapped, reaching for the mug.

“Stop- I don’t want to waste it.” Wonwoo scowled.

By then, the blond already had his hands wrapped around the mug while Wonwoo’s struggled to keep it, gripping it by the handle. It was then that he realized just how large Vernon’s hands were, especially since he was shorter. As it turned out, Vernon was stronger than him too, yanking him forward as he still held on. It was the fight that he had longed for, even if it was petty and weak. It was still a battle between spirits.

“Those are a dollar a piece. I’m going to drink it-” 

“No. You aren’t.” Vernon grunted. 

“Can I just have one more sip? Why are you so cruel to me? Mingyu’s bad enough but you just have to take more away from me. Let me have my one cup of happiness.” 

“Are you crying?” 

“I’d never cry for you.” Wonwoo gritted, wanting it to hurt.

“That’s it.” 

Vernon grabbed his wrist and tried to pull it off the mug’s handle but he still put up a fight.

“You’re just trying to make an excuse to touch me aren’t you?” Wonwoo hissed, shaking his head as if he were shaking off his tears. 

“Something’s wrong with you Wonwoo and caffeine isn’t going to fix it. You need to go to sleep.”

Wonwoo continued to shake his head, crinkling his brows as he exerted more effort into pulling the mug back to him. His other hand pushed off from Vernon’s chest but it was a little too much. 

“If you don’t want me to touch you then give me the mug. You don’t want to make me pick you up do you?” Vernon smirked. “Or maybe you do? Maybe you’ve just been playing with me this whole time. You really are a little fox aren’t you-”

The coffee splashed all over him, cutting off the blond. 

He hissed as the hot liquid splattered across his bare abdomen. Vernon would have bit his lips at the sight of it dripping down his navel, but the sound of Wonwoo in pain made him grimace. Before Wonwoo could even rush to splash cold water on himself, he realized it had gotten on his top and his hands jutted out as if he were getting electrocuted. 

He screamed.

“My shirt!”

“Wonwoo, are you okay?” Vernon asked, walking up to him and reaching over his shoulder to get the paper towels. The blond began to dab his stomach but he only swatted his hands away. 

“No! My shirt! My shirt is stained- my mother’s going to kill me-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Vernon shouted, trying to calm him down as he dabbed his shirt.

“No it isn’t.” Wonwoo cried. “My shirt. My pretty-”

“Pretty,”

“Pretty.”

“Shirt.” 

He said as if he were a broken record.

Vernon looked up to try and get a good look at Wonwoo’s cowering face. 

“It’s alright. It didn’t stain. You’re fine Wonu. It’s alright.” Vernon let out, grabbing his hands to get a hold of him.

Wonwoo was still breathing heavily as if he were recovering from shock, clutching the mug tightly as his other hand held out the part of his shirt that was wet. He stared at it like he had committed a crime.

“Oh. I guess the coffee wasn’t dark enough.” he said, smiling happily. “It didn’t stain one bit.” 

Vernon heard him laugh that same laugh from two nights before. As deranged as it sounded, it was childlike. 

Before Wonwoo’s laughter could die down, the black-haired boy breathed in abruptly, sucking a shriek back in before it came out. 

“Isn’t that amazing? Jungkook better write a good review for this shirt. I borrowed it from-”

“God.” Jungkook groaned, stepping through the doorway of his bedroom. “What’s going on? It’s seven o’clock on a Saturday morning!” 

Wonwoo’s smile faltered with his lips and brows sagging into a glum look of annoyance. 

“Nothing.” he replied. His deep voice caused both his friends to go on alert. They had never heard him sound so… direct. 

“You probably want to get out of here soon I bet.” he said, fighting back a chuckle as he walked around the kitchen island and set his mug down. 

“Nope.” Jungkook said, making a ‘pop’. “I’m staying for another sleepover. We need to do your hair and makeup Wonwoo. And there’s some other things I want to check off on my to-do list.”

He knew what his best friend meant. Rather than coming up with an excuse to decline, he nodded. His friends could do whatever they wanted with him he supposed. 

“What about you Vernon. Got somewhere to be?”

The blond looked taken aback, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I- no. But I think I should be going.”

“Why?” 

“Because I’m not wanted here.” Vernon muttered, feeling around in his pockets to make sure he didn’t forget anything before he walked himself to the door. 

“Vernon.” Jungkook sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides. “C’mon. No negativity-”

The door slammed shut but Wonwoo didn’t even flinch. 

“Wonu. Don’t you think you could have stopped him from leaving?” 

“And make him fall in love with me even harder? No thanks. I’m not doing any favors. I’m just going with the flow.” 

Jungkook scoffed.

“That’s something I never thought would come out of your mouth.”

“Why?” he said, looking up to challenge his best friend.

“Because you’re the rock that cuts through the waves. Even if you don’t move, you stand there undeterred. Taking life’s punishment, not dishing it out. Isn’t that what you’re all about?”

Isn’t that what life is all about?

Wonwoo let out a humph, smiling to himself as if he were about to fall asleep. 

“People who say they love me punish themselves.” 

“Oh, so that’s why you’ve been acting crazy.” Jungkook chuckled. 

“Of course.” 

“I’m just kidding.” his best friend rolled his eyes. “I get it. Don’t tell a crazy person they are crazy.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Okay enough with the one-word answers!” 

“The first was two words.” Wonwoo arched an eyebrow, still looking as indifferent as ever. 

“That’s not the point. You’ve been… weird. Everything’s been weird.” Jungkook said, quickly covering himself up. “Can you tell me what’s going on at least? As a friend?” 

Wonwoo shrugged, pursing his lips as he held the side of his forehead. 

“I guess I just miss Mingyu.” 

“That’s it huh? I didn’t think-”

“Wait.” Wonwoo said, breath hitching. “I lied. That’s not the real reason” 

He stood up straight, confronting his best friend as if he was the truth itself.

“I’ve- you couldn’t understand. You don’t feel guilty but I do.”

Jungkook narrowed his eyes.

“About what? I don’t understand.” his best friend said, slowly shaking his head. 

“I’m glad you don’t. I don’t want you to feel what I feel. I don’t want to add to your struggles”

“Just tell me.” 

“I’ve caused men to do terrible things. Terrible.” he replied, whispering the last word all the while looking ghostly.

“You what-”

“You’re stupid crop top- I don’t know why I wore it. And that damned belly chain. Is there anyone one on earth that thinks a man could ever look into your eyes if you wore such a thing? We tell them that our eyes are up here but then we walk around without half a shirt. I should have known what I was doing. I didn’t mean to cause them to do what- what they did.” 

Jungkook let out a faint chuckle, not totally understanding what was going on as Wonwoo buried his head on his shoulder. 

“So what? A guy looked at your belly button. Big deal. It just means he thought you were hot.”

“Hot enough to put their hands on me.” Wonwoo gritted although it came out muffled from where he laid his head. 

“How is it that we’ve put men on the moon yet we still can’t wrap our heads around the fundamentals of human psychology?” he giggled, hiccuping. 

“Wonwoo- what did- who’s ‘they’?” Jungkook demanded. 

“Wonho and Changkyun. We were in the forest. They’re in police custody. Locked up. Gone!” 

Jungkook tried to fight back his reaction as soon as he saw that Wonwoo’s head ticked slightly and his breath got caught in his throat.

“Wonwoo you’re hyperventilating. Sit down. Please.” 

His best friend could only look at him with confusion, hiding the pain that he felt when he connected the dots. Except, it wasn’t out of empathy. No, he wasn’t sharing in Wonwoo’s pain. His best friend just sat there on the couch breathing deeply. There wasn’t a line or crinkle of pain anywhere on his flawless face. Just nervousness. 

As Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak there was a noticeable wetness between his lips, like he was about to cry.

“I don’t mean to sound cocky.” he began, nervously laughing. “But if I hadn’t looked so delectable, perhaps I wouldn’t have been treated like raw meat.”

Jungkook sighed.

“You know that’s not true. Whatever they did, nothing was going to stop them. Not even a turtleneck sweater.”

“Jaehyun did.” Wonwoo huffed, looking down at his fingers. “Just when I thought I was in the arms of a gentleman- well, you get the idea. He couldn’t control himself.”

Jungkook’s blood spiked. Wonwoo could practically see the veins coursing through his forehead. 

Leaning towards him with wide eyes, his best friend released the breath he had been holding in.

“What. Did they do to you?” he gritted, saying it extra slow so Wonwoo understood how angry he was.

He didn’t want Jungkook to feel any worse. He shouldn’t have said something. Him and his big mou-

“Wonwoo!” Jungkook shouted, shaking his shoulders. “Tell me! Please.”

“Nothing! It was nothing! Wonho and Changkyun just did a little rough housing but J-Jaehyun stopped them. The only thing is- I wish the crop top hadn’t ruined it. Why can’t I look good without being a distraction. I really am my own worst enemy. Beauty always comes at a price right? It’s all my fault.” he chuckled, lurching forward as he held his stomach.

“But it wasn’t your fault!”

“It wasn’t? I don’t take responsibility for anyone’s lack of self-control or manners. What I’m struggling to bear is the fact that if temptation wasn’t there- if I wasn’t the temptation, things would have ended up differently. Ask Vernon, he could tell you that if I hadn’t looked like this last night he probably would have gone back to Seungkwan. Ask Jaehyun, if he hadn’t been too busy staring at my pale ass he would have actually been listening to what I was saying. Yet we’re like that sometimes. We demand to be heard as well as listened to. But we can’t have both. When I walked onto that dance floor last night, a part of me wanted to be noticed. I wanted to be stared at, to be violated by any stranger’s eyes. But at the same time. I demanded Vernon see the truth. You see, he was too distracted. Beauty can be so bright that it does the opposite of what it’s supposed to do. It leads us away from wisdom. The opposite of wisdom is ignorance. And ignorance can lead to evil.”

Wonwoo relaxed his shoulders, sighing.

“Perhaps there’s a bit of evil in beauty. We’ve twisted it so much that it’s become intertwined and inseparable from our ego. It’s like it’s bonded into our DNA, our primal nature. There’s no sophistication to it anymore, just carnal desire, the desire to be seen but not admired, to be loved but not understood.” 

Jungkook titled his head, looking at him like a mother would look at her child.

“I’m glad Jaehyun was there to help you.” he smiled, rubbing the other’s back.

Wonwoo sat there, looking up slowly to stare at the wall across from them. He let out a laugh, scoffing at everything he had just said.

“Can’t you understand Jungkook?”

His best friend took his hand in his palm and patted the top of it. 

“You know I don’t like it when you’re being theatrical.”

Wonwoo frowned and lowered his head once more but his best friend continued.

“What I don’t understand is why you can’t just be happy with Vernon? Heck I’d say Jaehyun’s a catch now that he saved you from those punks. They might not have the same- well I don’t know - stature as Mingyu, but they’ve proven themselves to be your loyal allies haven’t they?” 

“Loyal like dogs.” Wonwoo scoffed, leaving the warm bubble provided by his friend to go back towards the kitchen. 

“Don’t say that.” Jungkook chuckled. “You just need another cup of coffee. I’ll make it.”

Wonwoo instantly lit up. It wasn’t really because he was so addicted to the taste of coffee as much as he warmed up to his best friend’s kindness. It was small acts of kindness that stayed with him forever. 

“Kookie- you don’t have to. I’d feel like a lazy slob.” 

Jungkook shushed him with a wave of his hand.

“Don’t give me that crap Wonu. When you find a man he’s gonna treat you like a Queen, okay?” 

Wonwoo was going to say he was a guy but he thought twice about it, clasping his hands around his back.

“I have to admit.” he smiled faintly. 

“I always liked being taken care of.”

II

They thought they could keep everything from him, knowing how ‘fragile’ he was at that moment. But it only took Bambam a few seconds to call out his name from across the food court to ruin all of their efforts.

Wonwoo continued to play with his food as he heard Bambam’s friends hiss at him and protest. 

“C’mon, knock it off.”

“Don’t do it. He’s nice.”

“Yeah, he didn’t do nothing to you. Why the hell do you have to be an asshole?” 

Bambam’s huff could be heard for miles. 

“Shut up. Don’t act like you didn’t save it to your camera roll the minute you saw it.” 

“Yeah but Wonwoo doesn’t want to see it.” he heard a gruff voice say. He had lost track of who was who, thinking of the football team as one person than a group of people. 

It didn’t matter anyway. Whatever Bambam had to say he couldn’t possibly care-

“Check your snap!” Bambam shouted, banging the table with his fist as he laughed with his buddies. 

“Dude, stop.” he heard Kai snort. “Fuck, you’re gonna make him go blind.” 

“Don’t.” Jungkook hissed, holding his shoulder. It was a mere whisper but it was no less frightening. 

“I don’t care.” Wonwoo gritted. “I need to show them I don’t care.”

“Then don’t open it.” Jeonghan warned him, extending his hand out and slapping it on the table. 

Minghao touched his back.

“Please Wonu. Nothing good’s gonna come from it.”

Wonwoo nodded to give Minghao the illusion of his understanding but turned to look at the rest of the group collectively, as if they were all impersonal faceless shadows. 

“So you guys already know what’s going on huh?”

None of them responded, not wanting to lie nor spark his curiosity even more. 

“I’m a very understanding person if you’ve been hiding something from me.” he continued, just putting it out there. 

His thumb tapped on the Snapchat icon on his phone prompting Jeonghan to slap the table once again. 

“Wonwoo! I’m being serious.” 

“Wonu…” Jungkook said. “Listen to him.” he sang, resting his head on his cheek as if he were growing impatient.

“If my curiosity kills me... I want you to play bagpipes at my funeral.” 

“Wonwoo-” Jeonghan groaned but Vernon was much more proactive. The blond had been sitting across the table not really paying much attention until Bambam had the nerve to call out his crush’s name. Hence why he reached over the table and latched onto the other boy’s phone. However, just like the coffee mug, Wonwoo didn’t give it up that easily.

He was initially surprised to find Vernon splayed out over the table trying to twist the phone out of his grip but he rebounded by pulling on his phone even harder. 

“You just won’t- quit.” Wonwoo gritted, pulling it away from the blond and getting up out of his seat. 

“Don’t do it Wonwoo.” Jeonghan said again as Jungkook got up and reached for the device in his hand.

Wonwoo’s eyes flared as he swiped his thumb on his phone screen, tapping the red square making it load. Before his best friend’s hand could reach the tip of his phone, the image loaded and he turned away, causing Jungkook to collide with his back. 

It was more than an image he could say the least. 

It was Mingyu and Chaeyeon’s ‘sex tape’. 

It only took him a few seconds to realize what was going on. Even if the sound in the video had only been turned up by a few increments, the faint sound of moaning and grunting was enough to make it feel as though he had just heard the demons of Hell screaming back at him. 

He felt the warm breath of Jungkook hit his neck, making his face soften but not out of sadness. The video had failed to evoke a reaction from him and he just stood there, holding the phone in his hands. 

Wonwoo raised his head, not wanting to look at the recording anymore and he turned to give his phone to Jungkook, shaking his head. 

Jungkook was about to snatch it from his hands and close out the app but Vernon beat him to it, nudging his best friend aside and grabbing his phone. 

Vernon whizzed by like a blur. Jungkook didn’t know what hit him. 

The blond took the phone out of his hands and threw it as if he were a drunk throwing a beer bottle. The phone smashed against the tiled wall two dozen feet away from them but Wonwoo didn’t even flinch.

Jungkook held his head and hunched over, cowering from the noise while the rest of the table grimaced. 

He could hear the chatter coming from the table of football players stop abruptly and then descend into frantic whispers. 

“Dude, Vernon’s gonna kill you.” 

“I’d be more worried about Wonwoo. Look at him!” 

“Fuck, Bambam’s screwed.” 

Before Mingyu’s friend could yell at or shove his teammates for bothering him, Vernon had already crossed half the distance between them, prompting Bambam to turn his head and gulp.

The blond scowled.

“Get up.” 

“What?”

“I said get up!” 

Bambam huffed.

“Make me.”

Vernon let out a grunt, grabbing the footballer’s shoulders and lugging him out of his seat and out into the wide open aisle between the row of tables. 

“I’m not gonna fight you dude.” Bambam snickered. 

“You asked for it.”

“Yeah? Well your friend was asking for it when he rejected Kim. Ever wonder if Wonwoo’s really the angel you guys make him out to be?”

“Still doesn’t give you the right to try and hurt him.” Vernon gritted.

“Listen buddy, I do what I want. I don’t need you giving me per-”

Vernon raised his fist, knowing it was an unfair surprise attack so he made his arm spend more time in the air than it needed to, giving the other boy enough time to cover his head with his two arms.

“So you really want to fight huh?” Bambam spat, keeping one arm shielding his face as he threw a hook, curving it and hitting Vernon in the cheek. 

The shorter boy bounced back, not even hissing in pain as he grabbed Bambam’s wrist and pulled him closer, sticking his fist out and bringing the other’s face into it as payback. Though it became more like overkill as he alternated between the football player’s face and ribs, battering him so hard that the guy’s knees gave way and he had him bent over backwards, pushing him into his team’s table. 

By then Kai and Baekho had already gotten up and came around to box the shorter boy in. It was obvious Jun and S.Coups were hoping that Vernon continued and weren’t interested in stopping him. It was more than a lack of interest, but a searing hatred they had for Mingyu and all his buddies. Wonwoo on the other hand didn’t make a move. He was in his usual catatonic state, looking at his feet as Jungkook tried to talk to him. It made him want to laugh. Jungkook had been whispering to him assurances, trying to sooth him while Vernon was only a few dozen feet away beating the life out of his enemy. 

In the end, Vernon’s outburst and the petty squabble between the two boys could do nothing but make him hold his cheeks and cringe.

He didn’t know what was going on anymore. The world was more chaotic than his own head.

III

The nurse’s office wasn’t as busy as it usually was. Of course there had been the fight but it wasn’t between anyone that “important.” It wasn’t like Bambam and Vernon had a horde of people surrounding them. At least, that’s what Mingyu thought. Then again, the nurse may have made Jeonghan and his friends wait outside if they weren’t already mad at him for getting himself into such a mess. 

It wasn’t like he was relieved that they weren’t there. It was just a fact that it made things easier. He could do without an audience anyways. 

“Mr. Kim?” Are you here to see your friend or did something happen?” Mrs. Lim asked, arching a brow. She came off more disappointed than concerned. Though she wasn’t surprised. 

“I came for a friend. Bambam’s here right?” Mingyu asked, cocking his head towards the corridor as he began to walk towards the room Bambam was in like he owned the place. 

“Hold your horses Mr. Kim.” she stopped him, holding out a finger while still looking down at her computer.

“I need to know where you're coming from.”

“Math. Professor Park.”

“Alright. But make it quick Mr. Kim. I don’t want Bambam to get in any more trouble. Unless you were the one who sent him here?” she glared at him.

“Nah, I wasn’t involved. And I wouldn’t gang up on someone anyways. It’s not my style.” 

“Good to see your ‘style’ has improved. Hopefully it rubs off on your friends. I don’t want to see them here anymore okay?” 

“Yes ma’am.” Mingyu let out, shoving his hands in his pockets as he obnoxiously made his way down the corridor. He certainly became the role. He didn’t even have to put in any effort to be a douche. 

He wasn’t going to correct her and say Vernon wasn’t a friend. It wasn’t so much because it would cause her to be suspicious of him and watch him extra closely. It was simply because he hated Vernon’s guts if he was going to be honest. He didn’t want to hear the kid’s name and his in the same sentence. 

Passing through all of the rooms was like walking down the hallway of a prison, except it was more like a mental institution. Smudged and foggy fiberglass windows were vertically positioned next to the doors like sidelights, allowing him to see the occupants of each room without the need for the door to be open. Five rooms ahead on the right he could see Bambam’s head lying down on a pillow, facing away from the door. But just as he was about to let out a quiet chuckle, he spotted Vernon in the corner of his eyes, hunched over on his bed in the room to the left. His head created a silhouette with the sunlight coming in through the tiny cell window viewport.

His hopes came true when Vernon turned to look at him. He so wanted to just rip the door off its hinges and beat the kid up, but glaring at him was enough. He hoped Vernon knew how much he was done for. Thinking he could take Wonwoo away from him?

Vernon gave him the middle finger but it only made him chuckle. The kid really wanted to die didn’t he?

Mingyu smirked and raised his hand, giving a motionless wave. Of course it was to piss Vernon off but he couldn’t help but feel invincible, walking through the corridor like it was any other. Like the next biggest threat he had to face wasn’t even there.

Before Vernon could jump down from his bed, Mingyu already had grabbed for the doorknob to his friend’s room and opened it just in time as Vernon got near the window to his room. Although it wasn’t like he was afraid. There simply couldn’t be a fight with the nurse still hanging around. 

The door creaked open, causing Bambam’s head to jolt slightly before he craned his neck to look up at him. 

“The nurse says you’re expelled.”

“W-what?” Bambam gaped, sitting up straight.

“Kidding. 

“Oh.” his friend said, lips forming into a pout while the rest of his face resembled a scowl. “What are you doing here? I figured Kai or Baekhyun would come instead.”

“Sorry that I care.” Mingyu snorted, sitting down in the chair in the corner of the room. His heavy footsteps prompted Vernon to turn his head towards them and glare at him even more through the two panes of glass that was now between them. 

He saw that Bambam noticed him in the corner of his eye too and sent him a dirty look right back. 

“Don’t worry about blondie. I’ll take care of him soon.” 

Bambam gulped, the malice on his face vanishing. 

“How?”

“When I get the chance.”

“My classes end in a couple of hours but I can’t say the same about him. Kid’s probably suspended or something.”

“Yeah. But that only gives him more of a reason to fight me. It’s not like he has anything else to lose.” 

“He has Wonwoo.” Bambam snickered. It was almost in a whisper.

“Shut up. No he doesn’t.” Mingyu growled.

“Then why are you here?” his friend smirked.

“So you understand now?” 

“”Not entirely. But I can help if you tell me what’s going on and why you’re here.”

Mingyu narrowed his eyes from where he sat in the corner of the room. He wished the doors had locks on them. He so wanted to punch his fist right through the wood, grab Vernon by the neck and beat him to pulp. But he couldn’t. All he could do was grit his teeth and seethe in anger, as if that could make Bambam understand how angry he was.

“He’s a threat.”

“I guessed. And I also guessed that you didn’t come because you actually care.”

“Surprise.”

“Fuck out of here. I could be flipping bottles with Kai or something. Why’d you have to waste my time with this shit?” 

Mingyu chuckled, getting up from his seat to stand over his friend.

“Looks like he got you pretty good.” he said, eyeing the bump on Bambam’s forehead and the bruise below his eye. 

“Tell you what, I’ll get him back for you. How’s that sound?” 

Bambam laughed into his hand, hiding his face as he shook his head.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, thanks.” 

“Don’t sweat it.” 

Bambam relaxed his shoulders and let out a sigh.

“What now?”

Mingyu put his hands back in his pockets, looking towards the wall to admire the artwork painted onto it. He couldn’t help but grin.

“We wait.” 

IV

By the time Chaeyeon arrived at the nurses offic’e the place seemed to have been left vacant. There was no nurse to ask her how she was feeling nor was there a grouchy secretary to snap at her and say the nurse was out. It made her feel extra sneaky when she took the lid off of the jar next to the door and grabbed a pocketful of cough drops. Of course it wouldn’t kill her if she only ate one an hour, right?

She shrugged to herself, plopping down onto one of the chairs in the waiting room. Skipping class was her favorite pastime. It wasn’t like the nurse would come in and tell her to leave, not when Ms. Lim knew her mother. Plus Ms. Lim wasn’t a witch like her coworker. She’d probably just walk in, say ‘hello how are you’ and shoot the breeze with her. Now that she thought about it she should come more often. She’d do anything to skip tests. Not that her professor was complaining. Showing a little skin made him lenient on her.

She let out a pop as she sucked on a cough drop, pulling out her phone to text her friends. Over the tapping of her acrylic nails she heard one of the doors open down the hall but she couldn’t see anything since it was around the corner plus she didn’t think much of it. It was probably a student getting something to drink. However, the drinking fountain didn’t make any noise, nor did the faucet at the end of the hall turn on. 

She knew it shouldn’t have made her tense up but she couldn’t help but listen in closely. It was a bad mistake on her part as a second later, she jolted in her seat at the sound of a door slamming open. 

It was weird. It wasn’t the sound wood made when it clicked into place. It sounded more like wood hitting something else that was hard. The wall probably. If that wasn’t enough, she suddenly heard a deep and slightly raspy voice call out in annoyance. If it hadn’t sounded so whiny she might not have realized it was Vernon but the shriek the blond let out turned into a low growl. It sent shivers down her spine, prompting her to get up and peer down the corridor. 

Standing with half his body in the hallway and the other half in one of the room units was none other than her boyfriend. 

She couldn’t believe she could call him that. 

It had only been three days since they hooked up. Mingyu more or less came running to her with flowers in his hands asking her out. It wasn’t like he knelt down and asked her politely. It was more like he shoved the bouquet in her hands and told her he’d pick her up at seven sharp. But romance wasn’t important-

Speaking of ‘important’. She wanted to know why the hell Mingyu looked like he was going to assault some helpless boy in the nurse's office. Did he want to get expelled?

Just as she began to run across the tiled floors to get to the other end of the hall, she saw Bambam’s head poke out from the room across on the right. It was obvious he didn’t want to get involved. Perhaps he was even afraid of Vernon after everything that happened. If anything, Mingyu was probably the one they were all afraid of. Maybe that’s why she didn’t see or hear any punches being thrown yet.

“Mingyu! What are you doing?” she hissed. It didn’t have any effect. As she got closer she could see Mingyu fully through the fiberglass and then completely as she reached the doorway which the football player had been blocking. He practically blocked it without even having to hold his arms out. She had always liked that feature about Mingyu. Tall, large, big…

What the hell was she thinking? A kid could possibly be killed and she was still fantasizing about Mingyu. There really was no difference between her and Wonwoo after all she guessed. 

“What are you doing just standing there?” she hissed towards Bambam. “Aren’t you going to stop him?” 

Bambam’s mouth fell open slightly, staring incredulously at her.

“No, I- do you think I can?” he snapped, shaking his hands like it would ward her off.

She rolled her eyes and spun around to face Mingyu’s backside, crossing her arms. 

The football player kept his fists by his sides, looking down angrily at the blond standing by the outside window. It was smart of Vernon to pick that spot. Maintaining a distance meant he could respond quicker to punches. Though why was that the first thing that came to her mind? 

“Mingyu!” she continued, demanding an answer. 

“What!” Mingyu snapped, still facing away from her in the doorway.

“Do you want to get in trouble? The nurse could be back any minute.”

“Hopefully she doesn’t because I want some time to fuck this guy up for how he’s treated my friend.” Vernon spat, rolling up his sleeves.

“Yeah, we get it kid. You’re Wonwoo’s protective little brother even when no one asked you to be. If you really wanted to fight me you wouldn’t be backing away no would you buddy.”

“Fuck out of here Kim. I know you came here so you could have Bambam as back up. I bet you wanted to have an audience too. Must be pretty sweet having a girlfriend to watch.”

“Yeah, it is. But it’d be cooler if Wonwoo was here. I’d want him to see how much of a wimp you are. I don’t think he’d want to date you anymore after that. And for the record, Bambam isn’t my backup. He’s here to cheer me on. You’re gonna get it Chwe. You’ll think next time before you attack one of my friends!” 

At that the football player lunged forward, punching Vernon in the stomach before dodging a swing from the blonde and blocking a head shot. 

“Mingyu! Stop it!” Chaeyeon shouted, standing helplessly in the doorway. 

The football player pushed Vernon towards the window and turned around slightly to scowl at her.

“One more word out of your mouth and I swear the nurse will have to call an ambulance for him.” 

She gulped, freezing in place as her boyfriend continued his relentless attack.

Mingyu toyed with him for a few more seconds before the taller had enough, grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him to the left, against the wall. 

“Don’t ever start a fight with my friends again unless you’re ready to go through me. Got it?”

“You’re friend was being a dickhead-”

“Don’t act like you haven’t been one. I saw how Wonwoo ran away from you kid. You have a knack for butting your nose into things that aren’t your business.”

“How about you not act like you actually care about your friends and admit you're just jealous?”

Mingyu pushed the blond into the wall harder, causing him to wince and let out a hiss.

“Why would I be jealous of someone who has no chance?”

“You’re acting like it.”

“You’re acting like you have a chance.”

Vernon narrowed his eyes.

“Wonwoo’s my friend, so I do. I care about him unlike you. I have a right to know what’s going on with him and I’ll always defend him from douchebags like you-”

“Keep telling yourself that but it won’t make it true. Wonwoo will never love you. I hope you know that. ‘Cause next time you pick a fight with my friends, be ready to deal with me. Little pipsqueak like you can’t even throw a punch. You’re fucking lucky Bambam didn’t want to get expelled because he would have killed you.” Mingyu gritted.

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t huh?” the taller arched a brow. Something sinister flashed across his eyes like he had gotten an idea.

“How about now?” Mingyu growled, hoisting Vernon in the air by his collar, letting his feet dangle as he pinned him higher against the wall. “Do you care now?” 

“Mingyu!” Chaeyeon hissed, speed-walking over to him in her heels and digging her fingers into his biceps to get his attention. He didn’t even pay attention to her. Vernon could only hold onto Mingyu’s knuckles as he tried to unlatch himself.

“Don’t try to talk to him. Nothing will work. I’ve seen him act like this way before and he’s a fucking monster.”

“He has reasons.” she snapped back.

“And one of those reasons was Jeon Wonwoo. He almost killed a guy for him. Remember Shownu?” Vernon chuckled, grimacing as Mingyu slammed his head against the wall again. 

“That was when I was dumb and thought I was in love.”

“You’re still dumb.” the blond spat. “And maybe you’re still in love too. The whole Chaeyeon thing isn’t gonna hide it Kim. I know-”

“Shut up. Don’t bring Chaeyeon into this. You can’t ever fight me like a real man, one to one, can you?” Mingyu huffed.

“Real men aren’t scumbags.” 

  
Chaeyeon scoffed.

“Mingyu is a bigger man than you are Chwe. You’ve waited this long to make a move. It makes me think you’re either a coward or a snake. Not that there’s a difference.” 

“Says the one who waited for Wonwoo to reject Kim over here and then pounce on him like a fucking spider.”

“Whatever. All I know is that Mingyu’s more of a man than you’ll ever be. I should know, he’s a powerhouse in bed. Maybe that’s why Wonwoo left you.” she giggled. 

“Yeah, like you and Mingyu have ever seen a bed. Everyone knows you guys got it on in a fucking closet. You’re just a dumb slut.” 

“Good to know you saw our little video.” Mingyu smirked. “And Chaeyeon’s my dumb slut actually.” he continued, gripping the blond’s collar tighter. 

“You really one-upped me there Kim. I gotta say.” Vernon chuckled.

“Maybe it’ll be more interesting next time if I get to fight someone who isn’t a virgin.”

“Wanna bet? I was thinking on losing it with Wonwoo.”

“Shut up.”

“I’d be more interested in fighting someone who’s actually had a long term relationship instead of flings. We all know you’re not gonna last.” the blonde smirked, turning to look at her. 

“Why are you here anyways? Did Mingyu call you for an audience?”

“Why should that concern you?” she retorted. “Last time I checked you should be begging for your life instead of asking why I’m here. You really don’t have your priorities set do you?”

“He doesn’t.” Mingyu snickered. “He’s more interested in fighting me than he is on stepping up his game and getting Wonwoo to go out with him.” 

Vernon snorted, letting his hands fall to his sides as he dangled in the football player’s grip.

Maybe killing this guy was what would make Wonwoo go out with him.

“You see how much of a dickhead is?” Vernon sneered, glaring at her. “Why the hell are you still with him. You know he’s only gonna break your heart.”

“We’re not in it for that. She doesn’t have to worry.” Mingyu chuckled, answering for her.

Vernon let out a humph.

“Yeah, I forgot you were only using her to get over Wonwoo. Or maybe it’s to get back at him huh?”

She chuckled to herself, shaking her head.

“Kim knows how to please women unlike you. I never considered anything else. So I guess you could say I’m enjoying myself either way. Though not as much as I am seeing you being put in your place. If you were a little more polite maybe I would have ran and got someone to help you but you’ve bit the hand that could have fed you, haven’t you?” 

Vernon let out a growl, bearing his clenched teeth.

“You really are just a dumb slut.” 

“And you’re telling me Mingyu is the douchebag here? Right.” 

“I guess we’re all full of contradictions then huh.” Vernon snickered. “Mingyu’s head is filled with the biggest one. You basically could have confessed your love for Wonwoo but then you went off on a tantrum. You’re really inconsistent Kim.” 

Mingyu’s scowl deepened.

“I don’t think you know how I could snap your neck right now. You’re not in the position to be complaining now are you?” 

She saw that Vernon was about to come back with a remark but she stopped him. Of course Vernon deserved what he was getting for being a pain in the ass and insulting her. But she wasn’t that evil. People didn’t have to be angels or saints in order to be nice right?

“Mingyu, let him go, seriously. The nurse could already be on her way here.”

“She went up to the eighth floor to help someone with crutches. Plus the elevator is broken.”

“Still, let’s get out of here. Please, Gyu.” she whimpered, clasping her hands together above her chest. 

Mingyu’s expression mellowed out slightly but he maintained a look of scorn. If it was Wonwoo tugging on his arm he may have softened up more. He yearned to see those brown orbs looking up at him with genuine affection like that time Wonwoo stopped him from basically killing Shownu. It wasn’t super visible but a wave of pain seemed to creep up the football player’s face and he narrowed his eyes, letting Vernon fall back to the floor. 

“You better not say anything about this, got it?”

Vernon crossed his arms as soon as Mingyu gave him the room and nodded.

“Sure. I have honor, Kim. Can’t say the same thing about you.” 

“And I can’t say you’ll still be alive if you pull any more stunts again.” the football player grunted, stepping backwards and past her before he left the room. 

All Chaeyeon could do was tighten the strap of her purse around her shoulder to make everything less awkward. 

Vernon was staring at her, still leaning up against the wall. She thought it was obvious he was waiting for her to leave but he surprised her by granting her a faint smile.

“Thanks.” 

“Whatever.” she hummed, getting out her lipstick from her purse before spinning on her heels and leaving. She heard the airy sound of a cushion from down the hall and assumed Vernon had plopped himself back down on the bed. 

The thud of Mingyu’s feet in front of her made her more nervous than calm. He was still angry, but about what? It wasn’t like she cared if he had feelings for her or not it was just- why couldn’t that anger- that emotion, be directed towards her? Why did their fling have to be all about desire and venting frustrations. Couldn’t there be friendship or at least, a little bit of love? She wasn’t asking for much but maybe Mingyu could be cute for once and not be a dickhead. 

She laughed inside, seeing herself in the reflection with a smile on her face. 

Who was she kidding? Looking at Mingyu with his head held high, shoulders straight, and feet stomping made her think… No wonder love was impossible for Mingyu. He was basically a monster. But that was the thing about him that drove her crazy. It was what made Mingyu interesting. 

She’d always wanted to tame a monster. 

V

“Get out.”

Chaeyeon looked at him as if she wanted to ask him if he was being serious. Mingyu didn’t bother to make eye contact with her anymore, sending her a more subtle message by pressing the button on his right and unlocking her door.

“W-what? The day isn’t over yet.” 

“It is for me. I gotta go home. My parents worry about me you know. Not sure if yours care about you but mine do. So see ya.”

“But- we can still do a lot today. Did you forget we’re dating?” Chaeyeon whined, reaching over to the drivers side and wrapping her manicured fingers around his bicep as she let out quiet and suggestive sounds against his neck.

“No, I haven’t. And I won’t forget your number either. I’ll call you when I want you. That should be enough right?” he chuckled.

“I’m going to get you back for this Gyu.”

“Really?” the football player snorted. “You’re making me hard already, baby girl. I kinda wanna see what you have in store for me.”

“It’s what you’re not going to get that should bother you.” Chaeyeon hummed, faintly giggling too as she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. All he could do was stare at her wide eyed as she unlatched herself from him and hopped out. 

“Sucks that I’m gonna miss out.” he snorted, finally finding words. 

“Feel free to hit up one of the guys if you get bored. Not sure if they can make you cum as much as I do but they should be enough right? You’ve been with them before.” 

“That’s what you think.” Chaeyeon scoffed. “Really nice to know that’s what you would assume. You’re really testing my patience.”

“Yeah, and you’re testing mine. Shut the door will you?”

Chayeon sent him a dirty look before slamming the door shut and turning around, not even waving him goodbye.

Mingyu didn’t care anyways as the second her heels touched the curb he was already speeding off in his truck. It wasn’t like being home a few more minutes than he planned to be home was going to make a difference. He simply wanted to get the talk his mother was going to give him over with. That was, assuming she was going to talk to him. 

VI

Mingyu never thought he’d actually feel fear but that thought came crumbling down once he reached his doorstep. Knowing his mother was just beyond the door cleaning the kitchen spooked the hell out of him. Nevermind it being awkward, he simply hoped she didn’t have any projectile objects around her. It was one of the things that reminded him of Wonwoo. No one would have thought the kid had a voice like a truck horn but it wasn’t as surprising considering Jaehyun had been the one to push his buttons. 

If anything he should have still felt afraid now that the door was locked. Was his mother really going to make him knock. It was probably some humiliation thing or maybe he was just unwelcome. Why should his mother let him in anyways? With the way he treated her?

To think, Wonwoo reminded him a lot of his mom. It was crazy. They both seemed like calm and kind people until they were mad. It made him feel more sad than angry. He’d treated them like shit but he missed them. 

Maybe that was why he liked loved Wonwoo. Though Wonwoo didn’t come off so much as motherly to him. 

Weird. 

Just then, the front door clicked open, making a muffled screech and revealing the angry face of Mrs. Kim who looked as though she aged ten years. 

“Get in here, now!” 

“Mom! Calm down.” 

“Don’t tell your mother to calm down! Have I taught you nothing?” 

“I told you I was over my friend’s house.”

“I don’t care if you were at the White House, I’m still you’re mother and- what the hell is this?” she spat, reaching up to grab his cheek.

“Oh you are in so much trouble Gyu. You really couldn’t wait a few months could you? You just had to screw it up big time now.” she laughed hysterically.

It took him a second to realize the cold wetness Chaeyeon had left on his cheek was still there and he cringed as he saw his mother retract her hand with red lipstick smudged all over her fingers.

“Were you lying to me Mingyu?”

“W-what?”

“Did you really even care about Wonwoo? How could you do this to him? How could you do this to me? Walking around with no shame at all!”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over between us.”

“What did he do to make you like this? He must have done something to make you really angry right? My son wouldn’t do this for nothing.” she snorted, resting a hand on her hip. Though she more or less gripped it hard. 

He didn’t know what to say. Now that he was about to come up with all the reasons why he was angry, he realized just how stupid they were. 

“I want to get some sleep. I’m tired.”

“Some girl. She wore you out that much huh?” his mother snapped, standing by as he made his way to the stairs. “You aren’t walking away from this Mingyu. You owe me an explanation. What in the damned hell happened? Wonwoo was the kindest boy-”

“Wonwoo rejected me!” 

Hyuna’s mouth fell slightly and her eyes crinkled and twitched.

“W-what?” 

“He wouldn’t go with me.” he snapped. “Can I go now?” 

His mother let out a growl between her clenched teeth, not knowing what to make of the news.

“No, that’s not a good enough explanation. I know as a fact Wonwoo’s not the type to give one word answers. What were his reasons.”

“Why do his reasons matter? No matter what I still hate him!” 

“You know that’s not true. Heck, you’re acting crazy as hell! How do I know you’re not simply overreacting?”

“Mom.” Mingyu gritted, clenching his fists by his side. “I’m not overreacting. I cared for him more than he cared about me. That’s why I’m angry.” he spat, pointing at her.  
  


“Either way you have no right seeing girls, running around like an animal and disobeying me!” 

“Blame Wonwoo. It’s all his fault. Why are you mad at me for being upset?” 

“Because there’s a better way to handle anger, Mingyu! I’m worried about you. Being angry could lead you to become physical and I don’t want to be around when that happens. For my sake, and Wonwoo’s!”

He slapped his forehead as he looked down at his feet, shoving his other hand in his pocket. He was tired of talking to her but he had to get everything out. The last thing he needed was everyone turning against him, even if he himself was the reason why.

He shook his head and clenched his eyes shut. His expression was filled with anguish.

“I’d never hurt him mom. I wouldn’t.” 

“You don’t think you have? Are you serious Gyu?” she shouted, bringing her hands back as she hunched forward. Her voice struck him like a roar, making him wince. But he didn’t make a move to reach for the railing of the stairs to balance himself. Whether he was a hero or a villain, he still had the strength to stand alone, even when he had ruined all his chances and made enemies of his allies. He couldn’t help but feel bad about letting his mother down. But at that moment it seemed as though it was worth it. Crushing his mother’s hopes was nothing compared to being suffocated by them. And he stood there shamelessly and unremorseful. He was only sorry because his mother felt a certain way about his actions, not because of his actions in themselves. He was like a criminal. He was sorry about going to jail but he wasn’t sorry about his crime. Though he and Wonwoo both had blood on their hands didn’t they? 

Wonwoo still had the choice not to reject him.

It wasn’t worth explaining anything to his mom. He was done with her shit. Explaining something to someone who had no capacity to understand was only rehashing his nightmare. It wasn’t like she had a vested interest in him until he brought Wonwoo over. She was probably more upset about Wonwoo than him.

Had he hurt Wonwoo?

A part of him hoped Wonwoo was okay. But another part of him wanted Wonwoo to hurt. That meant he had cared about him right?

He wanted to laugh in his mother’s face and call her the stupidest bitch he ever met but that'd only land him in more trouble. And it wasn’t his mother who he was worried about but his father coming home and really yelling at him. So he opted to just shake his head in response to her snarky question, letting his shoulders fall in a subtle attempt to de-escalate things. Though he felt like getting all his anger out then.

“I haven’t hurt him as much as he hurt me.”

“Mingyu, don’t give me that. Wonwoo’s a sweet boy-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” he growled, pointing at her from across the room. “He said no to me in front of everyone. No one ever taught him that honesty wasn’t always the best policy.” 

His mother sneered at him, shaking her head and twisting on the heels of her feet as she looked out the kitchen windows to collect herself.

“Since when did you want to date some mealy-mouthed drab who couldn’t open their mouth besides a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and lacked any sort of opinion? You want a fence-sitter all your life? A Switzerland? What? You can’t handle the truth?”

Mingyu crossed his arms.

“Do you even remember my girlfriends?”

“The fake blondes with barely any personality? Of course I do. That’s why I’m upset, Mingyu. And don’t think this is solely about personality. I think Wonwoo has a lot of qualities that compliment you. And you just threw it all away! You really haven’t grown out of your childhood after all. You still love destroying things, don’t you.” she sighed, trying to hold herself together.

“I guess I never grew out of it.” 

“That’s gonna change. This is the real world, Gyu. you’re gonna have to change. I’m not going to protect you from your mistakes anymore.” 

“Whatever. I don’t even want to be here. You’re sticking your nose where it’s not supposed to be. Shouldn’t you be cleaning or nagging Minseo or something?” he grumbled, walking past her towards the door. 

“Excuse me? What did you just say to me?”

“I’m out of here.” 

“Well you know what? You better stay out for another night because when your father gets home there will be hell to pay! You hear me?” she shouted from the doorway, watching helplessly as Mingyu hopped back into his truck and backed out of the driveway not even looking where he was going. For all he cared there could have been a kid behind him but he simply revved his engined and sped off down the street, not caring if the neighbors thought of how obnoxious he was. It was simply another one of his tantrums. 

He wished he hadn’t left though.

His punching bag and gym equipment were all in the basement but there was no way in hell he was going back and dealing with his mom’s bitching. He’d have to return soon though to get his dress shirt, tie and khakis for work tomorrow. But that could wait. If there was anyone who he was going to apologize to it was Chaeyeon. Of course, that meant making it up to her in his own special way. 

Picking up his phone he managed to tap on her number without crashing, pressing it up against his ear.

Before she could even utter a disinterested hello, he cut to the chase.

“I’ll be at your house in ten minutes. Be ready.” 

“W-what? I literally just put on my pajamas. I’m not going out in th-”

“I said be ready.” he snapped, scowling as he drove. 

“So it’s one of those kinds of nights?”

“Isn’t it obvious. I’ve been meaning to blow off some steam today.”

“Right. It’s been so long since this morning right?” Chaeyeon laughed snarkily. He could tell she was rolling her eyes.

“It has. But I want to change it up a little. Since you’re getting dressed again, I want you to wear everything I bought you. Got it?”

“Anything for you.” she hummed, smiling through the phone. 

Mingyu grinned derisively, letting out an ego-inflated breath.

“Bring something for your knees too.” 

VII

Tuesday came around like any other day. Except it felt different. Before, it had almost been like a Cold War. The tension was high between both him and Mingyu, always threatening to bubble over and spill whenever Jaehyun got involved or his friends. But now, it was more like a cease fire occurred and what was left was the bitter taste of defeat. For both sides that was. War had devastated both of them, leaving only residue of hatred and resentment. Well, Wonwoo could never say he hated the football player. It was just that… when he wasn’t losing himself to fits of delirium, anger, or sadness, the passion he once felt for Mingyu was a hollow love. His mind would always wander to the taller boy, whether it be out of his hopes for them to become friends again or his constant daydreaming. Either way, deep down he knew he shouldn’t have still been thinking about the guy. He was simply torn. 

By the look of his face, Jungkook seemed to have noticed it to and like all good friends wanted to cheer him up. Though it was one of those moments where he wanted to say his best friend’s heart was in the right place but not his head. Then again, he had been stuck inside his head the whole day which was why Jungkook was taking him to the university’s gym. 

The only con was that Jungkook made him change into tennis clothes which his best friend had bought for him when he went out shopping for the weekend. Of course he had been too lazy to go and decided Jungkook would just pick out something plain and simple, just like how he liked it. But of course, his best friend had to buy him the tightest white tennis shorts he could find, a white polo shirt, and a sun-visor to match. He didn’t want to get started on the fact that the rim of the visor was lined with shining gems that Jungkook stole from a little girl’s jewelry box. Jungkook might as well have bought him gloves too-

“Here. I also bought these for you because I’m such a good friend right?” the other boy smiled, handing him two white gloves. They didn’t even look like sports gloves. What were they, latex? 

Jungkook had to be kidding him. 

“It’s fine, really. You should keep them. They’d look better on you. Plus you can slap Jimin with them.” 

“No, you’re wearing them. I’m not letting you get callouses.”

“But callouses are good. It means I am a hard worker.” he smiled, resting his hands on his hips as they stopped outside the gymnasium door.

“Nuh uh. Since when did any man kiss your hands because they had callouses?” 

Mingyu almost did.

All he could remember was that time he had met Mingyu before his football game. Sure, Mingyu shot him down by saying he was just holding his hand so he could balance himself while he tied his shoes. But he knew the guy didn’t want him to find out just how whipped he was for him. It was crazy how much the guy changed. Going from chivalrous knight in shining armor who almost kissed his hand to bad boy bully in leather jacket? 

“I guess you’re right.” Wonwoo sighed, letting Jungkook drag him along.

It wasn’t like fresh air was the reason the other boy was taking him there. Thought it felt like that after being in the locker room. 

And it wasn’t because Jungkook liked the smell of sweaty guys either or the cheap perfume that swept through the room like a ghostly fume looking to suck the souls out of its victims. Jungkook said exercise would help his mood, plus eating more too. At least he’d be able to cross off one of those things on his list. Though he didn’t think he ate enough calories to build any muscle. Cardio would have to do. But he hated running-

“Let’s play tennis!”

Oh yeah, he forgot there was a tennis court too. The place was huge actually. As soon as they entered they were blinded by the long fluorescent industrial lights hanging overhead. 

The squeaking of shoes against the floor made him cringe slightly upon hearing it but he soon got used to it as they walked further away from the basketball nets. He saw a couple of Mingyu’s friends on the football team playing over on the other end of the gym and his breath hitched slightly. He felt like wanting to run out of there, afraid they were going to make fun of him or something. But they only made eye contact with him and looked away, going back to whatever they were doing.

“It’s fine. He’s not here.” Jungkook whispered loudly, giving him a reassuring smile before he ran over to the equipment holders, beckoning him to follow. 

“I don’t care. I dare him to be here.” he muttered, holding his hand out as his best friend gave him a racket. 

The tennis court was situated between the basketball court and a workout room that was separated from the rest of the gym and off to the side. A wide concourse circled the gymnasium which runners could use to practice on and walkers could use just to get some exercise. The basketball and tennis courts were encircled by a black mesh barrier that stopped balls from leaving them and to provide a sense of privacy. 

Beyond the track was the weight room with long glass windows lining it, providing a panoramic view of the rest of the gym for the people inside. Although it was only a disadvantage for them as the gym’s supervisor had the windows installed to make sure no one was vaping inside the workout room. Wonwoo wished he hadn’t. Screw Jungkook for picking the other side of the court. His back was facing the windows a little ways behind him and he felt like prey for those hawks in the workout room. There was no way in hell he was going to bend down and get into a ready stance, not when Kai was checking him out. 

Wasn’t he supposed to be dating Jennie?

“Okay, you can serve me the ball now.” he said, grinning nervously. He needed a distraction. 

“Ooo, fancy word Won.” Jungkook snorted. “Was ‘toss’ too simple for you?”

“No, it’s called ‘serving the ball’ actually.” 

“You’ve played before?” 

Wonwoo stared plainly at him.

“We go to one of the most expensive schools in the city. ‘Course I have.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. How’d you learn? Daddy take you to the country club to get private lessons?” 

“Exactly. Now quit stalling. You know I’ll knock you out of the play.” he grinned. 

“Pshh, m’ not stalling.” Jungkook mumbled.

“Alright you big baby, I bet you can’t even get it across the net!” 

“Watch me bitch!” 

Wonwoo didn’t need to see the scowl on Jungkook’s face to know he was going to put everything behind his serve. The power contained in his voice was all he needed to get a jumpstart, springing to the right where Jungkook had shot the ball towards. 

His face tensed slightly as he swung his racket, hitting it back as if he had just deflected a bullet. Although from a bystanders perspective Wonwoo didn’t even flinch.

Jungkook’s scowl fell, melting into a frightened grimace as the green tennis ball hit the ground with a thud. Even if it was a couple dozen feet away he could hear it as if it just shot past his ear, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“Karma is a bitch I guess.” Wonwoo smiled, relaxing his shoulders letting his racket fall. 

“Shut up, you don’t even believe in karma.” 

“Well with how bad you just lost I’d say it’s real.” 

“I was warming up.” his best friend huffed, internally grimacing at the fact that the ball he shot had been the fastest ball he had ever served before. And Wonwoo had hit it back to him like a ping pong ball.

“Sorry, I only assumed you weren’t all talk and no action. I thought you were really mad so I prepared myself. It was only a miscalculation on my part. No biggie.” 

“Right. No biggie.” Jungkook humphed, slouching his shoulders as he went to pick up the tennis ball. “Your serve. Try not to hit it too far out. I know how powerful your serve is.” 

“I’ll try not to.” Wonwoo chuckled, catching the ball as Jungkook threw it. He bounced it once and placed it in the center of his racket. “Ready?”

“Course I am. I’m self taught. Let’s see how well those private lessons worked out. Bet you can’t even-”

Wonwoo threw the ball in the air over his head and jumped up as far as the eye could see, swinging his racket down. Jungkook flinched but was on it immediately, tracking it with his eyes and bringing his racket back. 

It came crashing onto the court like a meteor shooting across the sky. His eyes focused in on it as both his arms clutched his racket, then he swung. Before he could even swing, the ball bounced into the air after it landed, going over his shoulder, leaving him spinning like a dreidel. 

“Oh my God.” Wonwoo let out. His legs felt weak and he rested his hands on his knees, crouching as if he was going to laugh his brains out. 

What was even more embarrassing was the fact that his best friend had to chase the ball down the court until it hit the barrier upon which walking passerbys looked down at him as he tried his best to catch it. The aisle between the basketball and tennis courts had flooded with students who were on break from classes. It seemed like they were enjoying themselves, finding new entertainment in seeing him kick Jungkook’s ass. They probably thought he didn’t have it in him until now.

“Hey Wonu! I see you finally put Jungkook in his place.” a voice called him. He raised his head from where he was giving his best friend a pitying look and it instantly morphed into a smile as he spotted Sehun cutting across the gym, his bag hanging off his shoulder and a towel around his neck. 

“I did something Jimin could never do.” he giggled, jumping up on his tiptoes out of pure giddiness. It was probably the first time ever he felt free to act like a child. Sehun gave him that older brother vibe. 

“Shut up. We both know you’re sour about me beating you every single time. You were just waiting to see me lose.” Jungkook hissed, pointing his racket at him.

“Nah, I wouldn’t kick a guy while he’s down.” the senior chuckled, walking past them.

“Screw you, get out of here!” 

“See ya.” Sehun waved, making finger guns at them as he left to play basketball with his friends.

He should have known Jungkook wouldn’t have played fair, deciding to try and sneak a ball past him. Before he could even bring his hand back to his racket after waving goodbye, Jungkook had already thrown the ball in the air, swinging his racket down.

“Alright, think fast!” 

Wonwoo gasped, running towards where he expected it to land and got ready. 

His sneakers slid against the court, making a sandpapery sound as he stopped, using the traction under his feet to twist and swing, hitting the ball back. 

“I don’t even need to think Kook. I’ve been doing this forever.” 

“I’m waiting-” Jungkook grunted, eyes fixated on the ball. “Til you get jinxed.” 

Jungkook sent it flying across the net at the speed matching a tennis ball machine. It still didn’t cut it. 

He pointed at the ball with his left hand, and made a loop with the racket in his right, bringing it down and around and hitting it upwards.

“Is that easy enough for you?” he snorted, mocking the way Jungkook shuffled towards the ball. Its arch was tall which slowed it down by a lot, making it easy for Jungkook to hit it back. Though he shouldn’t have expected the guy to return the favor, seeing how he was already at the net, ready to slam dunk it. 

“Bad mistake Wonie.” Jungkook snickered, hitting it down. Wonwoo intercepted it with the speed of a lightning bolt, this time making a wider loop with his arm so that his racket made more of a vertical oval, putting a spin on the ball. 

Just as Jungkook thought he had successfully sent the ball back, it bounced off his racket and flew off to the side, landing in the next court over. 

He would have glared at Wonwoo if not for the annoyed stares that landed on him. 

“Sorry!” Jungkook winced, shuffling over with his shoulders tensed. 

The people playing over at the other court merely ignored him, going on their phones or letting out sighs as they waited for Jungkook to pick up the ball. 

“You’re gonna get it Won.” his best friend gritted, not even straightening his stance or taking a deep breath before serving. As soon as he got to the baseline, Jungkook didn’t hesitate to unleash it on him, sending it straight at him.

“What the-” Wonwoo hissed, ducking as the ball went right over his head. 

“Oh my- Wonwoo.” Jungkook chuckled nervously. “My bad. Bad throw. It was all my fault, yeah- I-” 

“It’s alright. Your anger is understandable.” Wonwoo snickered, running off to get the ball. As he ran over to the other end of the court, he realized why he hated the gym so much. Not only was it hot and sweaty. But Kim-freaking-Mingyu was working out at one of the machines in the weight room. He could see him through the glass and- why the hell was he shirtless?

Did he have no sense of decency?!?!

Why did Mingyu have to do this to him? For once he thought he could get over the guy but not when he was freaking showing off his entire six pack, bronze and gleaming in the white light of the workout room. He definitely could write poetry about it but he remembered such subjects were beneath him compared to philosophy. After all, Plato did say imitative poetry was inferior to- well anyways he was off topic. That was what happened when his brain was overloaded by the sight of Mingyu in all his glory, stretching out his arms and showcasing his abs on the machine fly. 

Where Mingyu had glared at him with intense hatred days ago, now his expression had morphed into an arrogant smirk, enjoying the fact that Wonwoo was walking straight towards him. That didn’t stop the football player from bringing his arms in and back out, not even needing to take a breather as he held eye contact with him. Their war had basically dissolved into fun and games. 

Mingyu really thought it was a game? 

The thought was enough to get him to stare back at the taller boy, but with his trademark cold indifference, like Mingyu was a sight that disgusted him at the same time sparked his interest. 

Picking up the ball, Wonwoo kept their eyes locked, swinging the racket over his shoulder as if it were an umbrella and he was bending down to smell flowers. Of course it was all a show, but he derived a twisted thrill from teasing taunting the other boy. He couldn’t wait for God to pay his revenge. Mingyu was an insufferable bastard.

His eyelids lowered slightly and he took off his visor without a care in the world, turning around and fanning himself. Even though he tried to play it out like it was hot in there, he really couldn’t stop the blush forming on his cheeks. Why did Mingyu have to look at him like that? The guy was basically staring at him like he knew what he looked like naked. Mingyu was a pig inside a man’s body after all. What with the way he treated Chaeyeon, no amount of roses the boy could give him or kisses on his hand would be enough to change his image. How unfortunate. 

He walked back to Jungkook, keeping up his casual expression. To anyone else it looked like he wanted to murder someone. That was just how he looked on a regular basis after all. Though, now that he thought about it, at least someone had to pay.

VIII

“Did you- what the fuck.” Kai seethed between his lips as he bit down on them. He stood at the window, peering out from it like he didn’t have a girlfriend. 

“Did you see that?” 

“See what?” Mingyu grumbled, letting the machine fly retract back into place, the metal letting out a clank. 

“Bro, are you dense? He was practically shaking his ass for you.” his friend said, walking away from the window and over to the machine next to him

“You can’t shake what you don’t have.” he snorted, rubbing his sore biceps. 

“Yeah, I definitely saw it and he has one.”

“Maybe I just don’t look hard enough. I don’t know. Wonwoo’s never been at the top of my priorities.”

“Fuck out of here Kim. You’d really say that? Guess he wasn’t important when you asked him out.”

“That was nothing.” 

“I guess you’re right. You should have worn your tux and gave him a ring. Maybe then he would’ve said yes.”

Mingyu chuckled to himself.

He knew Wonwoo would probably have given him the ring right back, especially if it was expensive. Wonwoo wasn’t like that at all. In a way, the thought made him smile. He couldn’t imagine how happy he would have been if the other boy would have agreed to go to the dance with him. To think a three letter response would have changed everything. Too bad-

“Are you really regretting not wearing a tux?” Kai continued, causing him to look up at him with a scowl.

“I mean- Wonwoo’s probably more into brains but I would have cut the tux and made it sleeveless. It always works on the ladies-”

“Shut up. I have a girlfriend. I don’t need to be thinking ‘bout another girl.” 

Kai gaped.

“Wha- who? Wonwoo?” 

“Who else?”

“I don’t know, Kookie’s pretty gay too-”

“Yeah but he’s not wearing gems on his hat or fucking short shorts either.” 

His friend smirked.

“You’re pissed because Wonwoo looks better than Chaeyeon on her best day. Tennis is too classy for her, am I right?” 

“She has more class than you.” 

“Ah, good one. I still prefer Wonwoo.” 

“We get it.” he growled. “And would you stop cheating on your girlfriend. I swear I’ll beat you up if you talk about Wonwoo like that again.”

“That’s the thing. I’m pretty sure I’m like eighty percent straight? But like- at the same time, I’d take Wonwoo over Chaeyeon any day. Cut me some slack-”

“That’s it. I told you to shut up didn’t I?” 

Kai grimaced, cowering where he sat at the machine.

“Okay okay, I get it. What is it? You mad that I’m just spitting facts about Chaeyeon or are you actually going on protective mode about Wonwoo?” 

Shit.

His friend had finally boxed him in. He felt like yelling the fact that Wonwoo was his and his alone but at the same time he knew how poisonous it was to even utter his name.

He could only stare at his friend with his mouth hung open.

“I knew it!” Kai snickered. 

“I said shut up.” he muttered, grabbing his friend’s forehead and shoving him against the headrest. 

“Ow- okay! I get it! I’m just saying, I’ll stop cheating on my girlfriend if you stop cheating on your crush.” 

“He’s not my crush. I hate him.”

“Well, what was all that last time? You can’t go from heart eyes to shooting daggers man. Either you never liked him or you don’t hate him.” 

“It doesn’t have to be that way. It wasn’t some stupid crush. I mean- it wasn’t normal, it was- I don’t know.” he gritted, holding his head. “Something was different about it.” 

“Yeah yeah, Wonwoo made you feel a way no one else made you feel.” 

Mingyu glowered.

“That’s why I hate him.” 

He saw that Kai’s jaw slackened, obviously confused by the apparent contradiction but he turned away from his friend and pulled out his phone after feeling it buzz in his shorts pocket. 

Chae

Come to the library.

Why?

Because I wanna see you Gyu,

So bad : (

Wasn’t getting my cock 

this morning enough for you?

Damn. Someone’s thirsty.

No. I want to talk to you. 

It’s about this weekend. 

Plus I’m still pretty sore dummy. 

And my throat itches because 

someone didn’t have a fucking tissue.

I wish I was sorry about that.

But it’s your fault for sucking

me so good babe.

I pulled on your hair didn’t I?

Screw you honestly. 

And hurry it up.

  
  


I’ll be there in 5 minutes.

Can you try and keep your 

legs closed for that long?

Omg are you jealous?

  
  
  


He didn’t bother to respond, already dropping his phone back into his pocket as he grabbed his shirt. 

“See ya.”

“Aight.” Kai nodded, releasing a breath as he was left to sit all by himself in the weight room. 

Mingyu left the weight room, rekindling himself with the chaotic noise and blinding lights of the vacuous and open-aired gymnasium. Although he wished it were empty. His stomach sank from dread as he walked near the tennis courts. He didn’t know how he was going to do this. The boy in white short shorts and a glittery sun visor didn’t seem to notice him but Jungkook did. It wasn’t like the gulf between them had always been a tumultuous ocean, not before Wonwoo showed up. Things hadn’t gotten any better though, he could tell by the glare Jungkook sent him, causing Wonwoo to turn his head.

“What’s up princess?” he smirked, wiping the sweat off his forehead. He was still a few dozen feet away but the black-haired boy could hear him loud and clear.

“Don’t address me.” Wonwoo snapped, going back to staring at Jungkook, waiting for him to get back in the game.

“Oh so you like it when I call you princess?” Mingyu continued, walking past the both of them. It was funny how Wonwoo instantly responded to the name. He wondered if Jaehyun or Vernon were calling him that. Wonwoo was probably enjoying-

“Are you dumb or stupid? I told you, do not address me!” Wonwoo shouted, causing him to flinch slightly. He should have known Wonwoo would flip out. The people behind them at the other tennis court raised their heads from their phones, looking anxious for drama. 

“Alright. I guess someone’s just jealous they won’t be called princess. I already got my own. You’re missing out Won. Should’ve taken up my offer.” 

“And your attitude is exactly why I didn’t. Pshh. You’re so predictable.” 

Mingyu stopped in his tracks, turning slightly to eye the way Wonwoo so shamelessly stared at him. 

“Say whatever you want Wonu. Nothing’s gonna hide the fact that you wish you were with me.”

Wonwoo stood there, crossing his arms and leaning on one leg.

“I don’t need to say anything else more. You’re not worth the fight in me.” 

“Yeah ‘cause I took all of it out.” he snorted, stomping out. 

His mom and Wonwoo really were alike. He wasn’t worth her attention unless he did something wrong and he wasn’t worth Wonwoo’s attention unless he did something right. Why did he have to follow everyone else’s standards. He had his own-

Wait.

He didn’t. 

IX

Walking into the library made him feel more invincible every time. No matter how despicable or scarring it was for Wonwoo, it was a scar that he himself wore proudly, as if every visit somehow normalized and dulled the experience. Now it was only a memory. It was crazy to think that such a mundane place of learning could be a scene that broke the heart of his beloved. However, that was war; a beautiful meadow full of flowers being trounced on with dirt flying into the air as cannon balls crashed into the ground. But he’d always remember Wonwoo was the one who fired the first shot. 

“Took you long enough.” he heard Chaeyeon say as he entered through the double doors. It was a quiet and subtle hiss, lurking beneath the librarian’s radar but it was enough to get his attention. He saw her splayed across one of the big cushioned chairs in the corner, partially enclosed by a bookcase so that no one else could see her except from his position. He could see her through the gap between the aisles. 

A part of him snickered at the thought of sitting in the same chair they made out in when Wonwoo walked in. Though it was almost like any silly and obnoxious part of him... any part of him that found his misery amusing was dead, gone, ripped out by his own hand. He didn’t even greet his girlfriend with a smile. It was more like a cynical smirk. 

He raised his chin in acknowledgement, taking a seat next to her and letting out an exasperated breath.

“What do you want.” he snapped, putting his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. 

“Okay, first of all, don’t speak to me that way. I’m not your mother.” she snorted, but it was true nonetheless. 

“And second of all you’re supposed to be cuddling with me. Did you forget you’re my boyfriend? You have a job Gyu.” she whined, getting up when she realized he wasn’t following along with her.

Chaeyeon plopped herself down on his lap, making her presence known by grinding down on his bulge while she laid herself out with her feet hanging over one arm of the chair and her head resting on the other one. She made sure to arch her back slightly, thrusting her chest in his face as she stretched her arms. 

All Mingyu could do was chuckle to himself. Chaeyeon was really something. She may have been nervous around him at first but she didn’t seem like she had a problem showing off to him. Her crop top didn’t help her case either. It was funny though. She seemed to have been taking after Wonwoo. Chaeyeon probably didn’t like the fact that his eyes had been on the black-haired boy and not her half the night but her face morphed into a satisfied smile at his approval and she closed her eyes, resting in his hold. It wasn’t really because he made her feel warm and cozy. It was simply the fact that his hard-on was pressing into her and she felt accomplished thinking it was because of her. He’d hate to break it to her that it was only because of friction. But he’d let her have her moment. 

“You have to take me shopping for costumes.”

“For what?” 

“Halloween, silly. Josh is having a party. And since I’m your girlfriend you’re taking me right?” 

“It’s Joshua. And he should have already invited you. I didn’t get a text from him yet.”

“No, I assumed he was just being lazy on the invites and included me along with you. Check your phone.”

“Alright, chill.” he groaned, bringing his arm under her leg so he could get to his phone. Maybe Joshua didn’t invite her because she was his ex or something. It wouldn’t be a surprise.

“Did you get one?” she asked, sitting up and resting her chin on his chest, staring up at him with large and shadowy eyes, trying to entice him into kissing her. 

He wasn’t in the mood for it. He didn’t need to escape his thoughts about Wonwoo, at least, not at that moment. He kept his focus on his phone, furrowing his brows after seeing Joshua hadn’t sent him a message. 

“Huh?” 

“What? What is it?” Chaeyeon said, peering over his hand to look at his screen.

“He didn’t say anything.”

“It’s because of me. I know it.” 

Even if her voice was full of venom, it was also broken, holding scorn for his friend but also for herself. 

If he had been his usual self; his true and sincere self, he would have denied it, telling her Joshua was just a dickhead and that he’d beat him up for her. But he wasn’t his usual self and he didn’t want her to fall more for him either. Maybe he did have a heart, and he showed it by saying nothing. 

“It’s because of Wonwoo isn’t it? Joshua actually likes him.” she laughed mockingly, crossing her arms as she laid herself back.

“I’ll ask him.” 

“Assuming he’s still going to talk to you.” she huffed, sounding even more defeated. 

Mingyu narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll make him, trust me.” 

“Alright.” she sighed, blowing air out through her pursed lips.

It wasn’t because he actually liked Chaeyeon that he smiled at her. No, it was all out of pity and sympathy for her. They were both animals and had a lot in common. It was what they were, not who they wanted to be that united them. 

That was why he grinned, looking down at her. Grinning not smiling. 

“So you want me to help you pick out something for the party?” 

“Help me? Oh you mean watch me try things on?” 

“Sure. Why not?” he smirked. 

“Well, I was worried you’d get bored at first but now that I think about it…” Chaeyeon sighed, stretching out once more.

“I think you’re gonna like what I have in mind.”

Mingyu snickered, lowering his face down to her neck.

“I already like what you have on now.” 

  
  
  
  
  


  
  


NOTE:

If you want a break from this drama and my sulking check out my new fanfics (parents, Highschool, Halloween, and Mafia aus):

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875630/chapters/65574901>

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240352/chapters/66543859>

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167554/chapters/66351517>

  
<https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319048/chapters/66747220>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I’m going to be updating sooner now. I’ve decided to break up these long chapters into more chapters so I’ve increased the number of chapters. I needed more time to write out when Meanie starts dating, so that’s why hehe😇😇😇.


End file.
